Turkey Status

We are now entering hour three for cooking of the turkey.

After the timer went off at the end of hour two I took the turkey out of the oven and turned it over , which was a total bitch to do... I mean when was the last time you turned over a 22 lb turkey in a flimsy tin pan? I could not find my big meat fork - not that it really would have helped - so I had to turn that bird over with my HANDS - yes one bare hand and one oven mit (part of the turkey was not to freaking hot and other parts were freaking hot). I managed to bend said flimsy pan in the process, but I did get the bird over so the breast can start browning. I also seasoned that side of the turkey and started teh gibblets to cooking (ya know, gibblet gravey). Two more hours and this bird should be done.

That's A Bitch

Sometimes parenting can be trying. A was recently writing about how hard it is to instill social graces in your offspring when you yourself seem to have none - something that I identify with quite a bit. I myself have a potty mouth, I do swear in front of my children - I'm not talking an endless stream of obscenities coming out of my mouth 24/7 but I do swear. My mother swore much worse than I did, and the many many disfunctional family members that surrounded me during my formative years swore horribly as well, and somehow I managed to not swear until I was a teenager - and never in front of my mother or other people older than me until I was nearly 20 (I remember the first time I swore in front of my mother I think I said Damn or Shit, then I realized my mother was within earshot so I froze expecting her to reprimand me but ishe didn't. So I waited for it... And it never came. A few days later I decided to sneak in another word - bitch. I said it in front of my mom and waited, again nothing. I think I was almost married when I worked up to FUCK in her presence).

Anyway, as most parents know, children are little sponges that absorb all information around them and then spit out randomly. If you WANT them to spit out a certain piece of information say to impress grandma or to look cute in the Holiday musical, then they will not do it, either intentionally or unintentionally - you have maybe a 20% chance of them actually doing exactly what you want. And as children get older your chances decrease. Conversely you have a 90% chance of that stray swear word or nasty phrase you uttered when you thought the child was out of the room/to busy playing/sleeping being repeated (loudly) in front of grandma/pastor/rabbi/teacher/etc. The first swear word Super Girl learned was 'shit' she heard it from either myself or her father. When she uttered it, she was in CHURCH and she said it LOUDLY. Lucky us. Now that she is nearly 5 we explain to her that certain words are grown up words and little kids are not to say them. This works usually, but not always as it's hard to assess the actually scope of her swear word vocabulary without exposing her to more or worse having her repeat them frequently. So you have to handle each incident as it happens and hope and pray that that particular swear word was the LAST one in her vocabulary... Although probably not. So two weeks ago the little people and I were walking to the post office as a car zoomed past us at far to fast to be going on the small road we were on. As the person passed I muttered something about them needing to slow the hell down and Super Girl said "Is that a bitch?" Words froze in my throat for a second, then I tried to steer the conversation a different direction. Super Girl listened at me with interested eyes then said "Was that a bitch?" So I was forced to confront the WORD head on. I started in with the 'That's a grown up word' schpeel and finished with the every popular comment 'Do you understand?' to which she replied Yes Ma'am then said "Momma, was that a bitch?" *sigh*

Kids. (Super Girl has not said the word since so don't start thinking I'm raising my kids to sound like little sailors)

Turkey Status



One hour of cooking done. Turkey browning nicely, plenty of liquid in pan.

Turkey Update

I got my turkey out of the brine and put it in the roasting pan. I also put a bunch of garlic in the turkey.
Yes the turkey is breast side down - that's how it will cook for at least half of the cooking time so the breast doesn't dry out.

Then it was into the oven for the bird!

Baby Sweater

I'm such a dork, I forgot to take a picture! I made a baby sweater for someone at hubby's work who is having a baby shower this weekend. It was easy, only took me 2 days (and it only took that long because the little people wouldn't let me sit and knit for more than 20 minutes at a time). Anyway it's really cute, hope the mom-to-be likes it.

It's Time!!

It's not Turkey Day, but it's Turkey Cooking Day for me!!!! Woohoo! I'm about to put my turkey in the over for the next 4 hours after which I will be baking pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie, and chocolate chip cookies. Super Girl has been asking me ever day since I bought my turkey ($.14 a lb!) if it was turkey day. hehe... Well off to get the turkey out of the brine.

My kids crack me up all the damn time. Right now Cabbage Patch is calling for Arnold for some reason and in her little baby talk it sounds like the Gov of California! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now if I could only get her to say "I'll be back" that would be a riot... Although if she starts discussing the financial issues going on in California I'll be afraid. ;o)

Something ELSE Pissing Me Off!

so this is DAY TWO of this shit. What shit? Let me tell you... I like to watch Adult Swim in the evenings and the freaking cable company has some freaking infomercial on instead of the shows. An infomercial for Direct TV! What the hell? I want to see Futurama! Damn it! *sigh* at least there was a new Queer Eye For The Straight Guy on tonight - loved the transformation - except I think he should have kept the mustache.

Talking Turkey

This is the e-mail I sent to hubby

I stopped at Brookshires to get a turkey but they had a pitifully small selection of turkeys at an outrageous price (Butterball at $2 a lb!). So off to Albertsons. I saw that if you spent $25 the turkey would be $.69 a lb. OK, no Biggs. I needed to buy the stuff for Thanksgiving with your dad anyway - and stuff to make pumpkin bread and a mummy desert. This is what I got
Stuffing, marshmallows, powered sugar, brown sugar, cranberries (jellied like you like), (2)peas, olives, (2)instant potatoes, chocolate chips, coca powder, salad dressing (ranch), pumpkin, yams, butter, (2)vanilla, cream cheese, (2)flour, cooking oil, (2)sugar and of course the turkey.

I only got one turkey because the smallest turkey they had was 20 lbs, so I got the biggest one I could find which was 22.26 lbs. Normally the turkey cost $.99 a lb. which was $22.04 - but after my turkey discount it cost $3.12!!! No I'm not mistaken, the checker took off $18.92 for the turkey. I paid $.14 a lb for the turkey!!!

So my total was $28.90.

I rock! ;o)



This year we are doing Thanksgiving twice - once this Saturday then next Thursday. We aren't doing it twice because we love Thanksgiving so damn much, but because we have been invited to have Thanksgiving with hubby's brother and family this Saturday since they will all be with hubby's inlaws on Thanksgiving. Then we are doing a small Thanksgiving with hubby's dad on Thanksgiving since he will be alone as his wife will probably still be in the hospital recovering from hip replacement surgery.

I'm not really all that big on Thanksgiving but I do love to cook and that means I get to cook a turkey! I'm doing the turkey because sis-in-law makes a horrid turkey - sorry, it's true.. Think dry and tasteless. Woohoo! I get to cook a turkey!!!!

DEAR COMMENT TROLL;

Stay the fuck off my page if you don't like what I have to say. I have deleted your obnoxious and hateful comment and banned your new IP, but I will take the moment here to tear apart part of your hateful comment to me.

You said If swearing is your mind, than that tells a lot about your mind.

Yes it does, it shows that I do swear, it's part of my vocabulary. If you are offended, then don't read what I write. As I've mentioned before, no one is holding a gun to your head. Spend some time working on your grammar, your sentence structure is horrid.

You said The fact that you think everyone that doesn't agree with you is ignorant of a "f**k" (No I will not lower myself to that filth) shows how stupid you really are.

Actually you're the one who can't seem to respect other people's opinions or beliefs. You're the one chastising me because I don't believe the way YOU do. Hmmm... I guess since YOU are guilty of what you are accusing ME of, then that makes you stupid as well. I prefer to think of you as an IGNORANT FUCK not 'ignorant of a "f**k"' (bad sentence structure again).

You said I feel sorry for your husband, because if I was married to you, I would either kill myself or turn gay.


And if you were my husband I'd probably be in prison for murder right now... But seriously, Wow, here you are such a 'Noble' person, so offended because I don't write out the name of 'G-d' due to MY religious beliefs and you refused to 'lower' yourself to filth of swearing but you make a comment like that. REALLY nice, very Christian attitude.

You know nothing about me or my husband except what you have read from this blog site. Let me tell you, that's not very much. Yet you feel you have the ultimate right to come to MY blog site and berate me, insult me, harass me and flame me. You don't. You are nothing more than a coward. You make all your comments and critical statements with complete anomity as you have yet to put your name or your contact information on your nasty comments. You're more than just an IGNORANT FUCK, you're an IGNORANT FUCKING COWARD. What a sad little person you must be to spend this much effort on flaming and trolling my site. I'm flattered, really. I haven't had this type of attention since I broke up with my psychotic boyfriend in college. This is the last time I'll give you any of my attention. All further comments from you will continue to be deleted and IP's banned, if you continue this harassment I'll contact your ISP.

In truth I really feel sorry for you, you seem like a very unhappy small person and I can see how you would be jealous of anyone whose life isn't the living hell yours must be. Medication can help you.

Potty Talk

My youngest - Cabbage Patch, has started potty training! Yay! She has used the potty twice so far and spent the whole day (except for nap time) without her diaper. I'm excited about hopefully soon not having to change diapers any longer, yet part of me is sad. Her potty training is her leaving the last of her babyhood behind and me having to admit that she's growing up. Boohoo! I'm such a sap.

MOVIE REVIEW!!
Princess Mononoke and Kiki's Delivery Service

Recently I've rented two Hayao Miyazaki movies. After falling in love with Spirited Away I decided I would find as many movies by Miyazaki as I could.



Princess Mononoke is said to be Miyazaki's best work. Visually this movie is a master piece, the scenes are detailed and beautiful. Unlike Spirted Away, the theme of this movie is very obvious and easily to grasp. The story is about the struggle between the forest gods and the human world. Industrialization if you will. The hero in the story is trying to find a way to get the humans and the animal gods of the forest to co-exist.

My favorite characters in the movies are the forest gods. The tree spirits are very cute, they kind of look like tiny bald naked toddlers who inhabit the trees. The Wolf god and Boar god are impressive and imposing. My favorite is the god of the forest. He's the Night Walker at night and turns into a kind of many horned buck during the day. The Night Walker is fascinating and beautiful, I think the best animated character in the movie.

This is definitely a movie worth watching. It's rated PG13 for some decapitations and limbs being cut off in battle - really minor and fleeting images. The little people love this movie and didn't even notice that.



Kiki's Delivery Service is an adorable movie about a little witch coming of age and setting out on her own. The main theme in this movie is one of believing in one's self.

Kiki is a charming character and Jiji is quite funny. This is a touching and heartwarming movie that I loved watching over and over (because the little people insisted on watching it several time).

I liked both of these movies. Actually I've liked all of the Miyazaki movies I have rented, I'm waiting to get Castle In The Sky in - it looks fascinating. I've liked Spirited Away most of all, I think it is the best of the three - visually and story wise. I know people would disagree and say Princess Mononoke is the best. Spirited Away had a much much more complex story and the scenes were more detailed than the other two. I loved all the symbolism in Spirited Away as well. All of Miyazaki's movies are worth renting if not buying (I plan on buying them for the little people).

Celebrity Talk Shows

For some unknown reason I switched on the Ellen DeGeneres Show (maybe it's temporary insanity). Why are celebrities given talk shows? Most of them just suck at being talk show hosts (but then most talk shows suck). Ellen is very very funny - I loved her in Finding Nemo, but honestly her talk show is not worth watching.

All Made Up And No Where To Go!

As promised A here is the tale of Super Girl and MY Make-up.

Back when Super Girl was 2 I was pregnant and I had the habit of keeping what make-up I needed in my purse so I could put it on quickly in the car as hubby or D was driving me to my Dr appointments. My sister would also from time to time give me lipstick she thought I would like or other such things. During this time period of Super Girl being 2 I did daycare in my home for two little girls. One was about 3 months younger than Super Girl and the other was about 6 or 7 months old. In my house there was an island in the kitchen with cabinet space underneath. I kept one side unlocked for Super Girl and her partner in crime to play in. There were some plastic bowls and empty canisters for them to play with. One lovely day as I fed the baby, the two little goblins... I mean toddlers went into the kitchen to play. I heard the usual playing and giggling and squealing then silence. I knew that was a BAD sign. I asked what they were doing and got silence as a response. I put the baby in her crib for a minute as I investigated. I was unprepared for what I saw next. I opened the cabinet and saw the two of them sitting with my purse between them. Super Girl has shimmery fushia lipstick all over her eyelids and around her mouth, she had black mascara on her lips, her accomplice had the lipstick all over her face and had the mascara right under her nose like a little mustache. Their hands were covered in lipstick and mascara (water proof I might add), the inside of the cabinet door was also covered in lipstick and mascara. Super Girl looked like she was entering a Marilyn Manson look-alike contest and her accomplice looked like she just needed the black and red swastika arm band to make her look complete. Thankfully baby wipes can remove just about anything, so half a box of wipes later I had them cleaned up and seated in time out chairs so I could scrub out the inside of my cabinet.

No that's not the end of the story. The very next week I caught them with my purse again, this time Super Girl was brushing her teeth with the mascara and her accomplice had the dark red lipstick smeared on her face like a sloppy clown smile. Uggh! Again with the baby wipes and time outs. That was the last of the make up I kept in my purse for about a year or so. Now days I have two lipsticks in my purse - the kind that you paint on and it stays on all day. I have one gloss for this lipstick also as any other kind of gloss/chapstick I do buy becomes an instant kid magnet. I've seen far too many become snacks and appetizers for the little people. It's just not worth it to buy more.

Make-up and kids= trouble.

Things That Piss Me Off

I really hate when people feel the unstoppable compulsion to criticize someone's blog content. Now I don't mind if someone tells me if the margins are too narrow or the text is to small or something like that, but don't start flaming me on my content. I write what I feel, people may not agree with me or share my opinion of something and it may not be interesting or exciting but it's mine and it's what I am writing from MY point of view. If one doesn't like it, don't read it. I'm not paying readers, no one is paying me to write so outside input is not necessary.

There are plenty of times I have gone to a blog and have thought that particular writer was full of shit, nutty as a fruitcake or just a boring waste of carbon. Never once have I told the writer these things. Why? Because I realize that on their blog they have the right to make any damn statement they want, even if it's wrong (I guess as long as it's not breaking the law, which really isn't my area of expertise). It's kind of pointless, foolish and conceited to think that because I don't like the content I have the right to flame the writer. Why? Why take the time to do something like that? Just to piss them off? Because Your opinion is so damn important and your point if view is so flawless you MUST save the writer from imminent peril and damnation? Yeah right, bite me.

So... Anyway, if one comes here and disagrees with the content, here are my suggestions of what to do - 1) go to another web site, I'm sure you can find something you like on the internet or 2) go write in your own blog about what a fucking moron I am, I'm sure it will make you feel better or something. Don't flame me or admonish me or rebuke me or tell me how to live my life, raise my kids, what kind of language to use or what religion I need to follow or anything else like that because all you will have accomplished is pissing me off - I'll either delete your comment or I'll edit it. Now if you want to just blow sunshine up my ass, well I'm cool with that, please go right ahead. If you want to make a well thought out and intelligent comment, type away. If you want to ask me a question, debate something in an intelligent and respectful manner, I'm up for it. Just don't fucking flame me as I reserve the right to delete your asswad comment or edit it as I feel inclined, make fun of your grammar, intellect or the clothes you dress your dog in. It's just not worth it.

It's been a lovely day, the little people were great (for the most part). Now I'm tired and going to turn in early.

KISSES


*sigh* I'm having a better day, a good night's sleep and a bag of Hershey's Dark Chocolate Kisses helped make that happen! (no I didn't eat the whole bag)

Today I have my nephew here with the little people. Brother In Law has a dental appointment today. Super Girl is enjoying having her cousin here, they are so cute. Poor Cabbage Patch kind of get's left out since she's the youngest, she doesn't seem to mind though.

I'll post more later, gotta keep up with the kids for now.

LONG FREAKING DAY

Shit this day just never seemed to end. Here's a brief summary... (pretend you care)

The alarm goes off at 6:30 am - I smack the snooze. The alarm goes off at 6:40-something and I remember that I HAVE to get up NOW and take a shower. I leap out of bed (ok it's more like fall out of bed) and head for the shower to take a very rapid shower (really, about 5 minutes because I can hear hubby in the shower upstairs). 7 am - thirty minutes to get dressed, get makeup on, get the diaper bag packed with: diapers, juice bottles, snacks, dress children, fix children's hair and get the hell out of the house. Somehow we manage to get out just a few minutes late.

8:05 am - drop hubby at work and zoom to brother in laws house.
8:35 am - arrive at bro-in-law's place and deposit children then zoom off to orthodontist office.
9:05 am - arrive at ortho office and sit on bench to wait for appointment
9:15 am - called back right on time, 2 brackets and arch wire removed, bottom wire replaced and adjusted.
9:45 am - leave ortho and head for dentist
10:00 am - arrive at dentist and go right back
10:30 am - still in dentist chair
11:00 am - crowns removed
11:30 am - temp crowns going on
11:45 am - finished with dentist and head back to ortho office
Noon - back in ortho chair, brackets replaced, arch wire replaced, teeth feel tight.
12:30 pm - head to bro-in-laws place to retrieve the little people
1:00 pm - arrive, discuss Thanksgiving plans, kids, etc.
1:30 pm - leave
1:45 pm - arrive home, call hubby
2:15 pm - leave to cash check go to wrong place, have to go somewhere else
3:00 pm - cash check head to bank
3:30 pm - deposit check, open saving account, go shopping since I'm in grocery store
4:00 pm - head home, put away groceries, give little people bananas
4:30 pm - leave to pick up hubby
5:00 pm - arrive at hubby's work and wait for him
home by 5:30 pm or so.

After 5:30 pm - whine about back hurting, head hurting, teeth hurting. Convince hubby to make dinner and put in ET for kids to watch. Lay on couch with kids and watch also (more on that tomorrow), fix vacuum cleaner and suggest hubby go get new vacuum bags.

That's my day. Don't fuck with me, I'm very bitchy right now. As I told hubby - I'm not the person to push today, I'm not the person to go to today and I'm definitely not the person to fuck with. Off to bed.

Barely Tainted: You are a human being, and all
humans are susceptible to giving in to vices on
occasion. You try to lead a good life with your
friends and family, but you cant help but to
have a bad thought or two on occasion. As long
as you dont act out your dirty little thoughts
everything is fine though, right?

The taint on your soul is easily cleansed with just
a little effort.


How Wyrm Tainted Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


HAH! I'm not nearly as EVIL as some think I am! :o)

Veterans Day

To all the military personnel serving this country - Thank you
To all the military personnel risking your lives to serve this country - Thank you
To all the military personnel who served this country - Thank you
To all the military personnel who risked their lives to serve this country - Thank you
To all the military personnel who paid the highest price to serve this country - Thank you, G-d rest your soul

You all deserve the highest praise and honor for your military duty, the best I can say is Thank you.

I Got A Smack In My Hand

Ever walk around with the feeling that you want to smack the crap out of people? For no particular reason... Or maybe a reason - doesn't matter. That's me. Everything is irritating to me. Or should I say just about EVERYONE is an irritant right now. Eh, maybe it's PMS. Maybe it's just my incredibly bitchy side taking over. Who knows, I'd just suggest walking on the other side of the street if you see me... But be discrete about it... If I think you are actively avoiding me, I might just have to smack you twice for that!

Off to bed now... Probably a good think I sleep alone. ;o)

I Am The Pumpkin Queen!!

I've been making all sorts of pumpkin things - cookies, muffins, pancakes, soup, bread... I remember when my mom cooked some pumpkins (three to be exact) and how she acted as if it was the biggest pain in the ass. Then the only thing she made with the pumpkin was bread. Lots of bread. She never tried to make anything different. Too bad for her, she missed out on a lot of wonderful things.

The Week From Hell With The Little People

What? You say that it's just the middle of the week? There are still plenty of days to go? Awwww Damn.... *sigh* I better turn up my illegally downloaded music (Copacabanna is on now... Copa... copacabanna... Nothing like a cheesy song to make me smile... Well that and this bottle of cheap wine I'm drinking straight from the bottle... Oh yeah... OK I'm just virtually drinking... hmmm... Maybe I should choose something better to virtually drink... Don't fall in love... Copa, Copacabanna) and chill out for now.

Sheesh... This is one of those times I am questioning my judgment for getting off antidepressants. Let me start from MONDAY.... Have a seat, get a drink... (not mine though, I'm not sharing today), get comfortable and be thankful that the little people live in my house and not yourself (please keep that to yourself though, I have a slight homicidal feeling within so don't push me).

Manic Monday

About mid morning on Monday Cabbage Patch decided to go upstairs and play. I check on her about 10 minutes later because she won't come to where I can see here. What do I discover? She had filled an empty cookie tin with cat litter (clean) and had poured water in it thus making mud. Grrr.... I cleaned her up and sent her down the stairs for a time out. All was fine and good until after naps. My sister came over. I told Super Girl to go upstairs and find something for Cabbage Patch to wear. Cabbage Patch followed her sister up. After several attempts to get them to come on down stairs I venture upstairs to find that Cabbage Patch had mixed yet another contained of mud from the remaining clean litter and she had thrown mud balls at the wall in her bedroom. Take a moment to picture this.... OK, got it? Alright, let me continue. There were 20 or so globs of mud on the wall and both of the little people's beds were covered in litter (dry thankfully). All I could say was "Oh - My-G-d! Your father is going to flip." I made them go downstairs. D and I scratched our previous plans and headed to the store so I could procure some cleaning supplies. When hubby got home he was livid (partially because he had to clean it - he made the little people help him). The little people ended up being grounded from the TV for 2 days.

Tuesday was just a normal day here, the little people helped me tend my 'garden' and looked at the toad and BIG ASS Spider.

Wednesday Of Woe

All seemed good today. The little people enjoyed the pumpkin muffins I made for them and got to watch cartoons this morning. We ventured out to the post office and ran into a friend. Then back home for lunch. I go into the kitchen and look for things to make a nice warm lunch for the little people since it's cool today. I get their plates ready and serve them then get my food, as I sit and eat and tell the little people to EAT, I notice that Cabbage Patch's hair looks odd and it hits me. Her hair is cut. Her cute little golden curls are completely sheared off on one side (think Cindy Lauper's hair back in the 80's minus the multi colors). I look at Super Girl, her bangs are whacked up as well and there is hair on the sofa and the floor. Mommy has a moment. It pained me greatly but I had to snip off the rest of Cabbage Patch's curls to even it up. Now her hair is super short, especially the bangs - some of the places cut on the side were crew cut level. I'm so upset about this. And this is partially my fault. I used the scissors in the 'garden' yesterday and told Super Girl to put them away for me, then I forgot to make sure they were AWAY after our toad meeting adventure. Damn. Damn. Damn. Now my baby looks boyish and I hate it. I questioned Super Girl as to WHY she cut Cabbage Patch's hair and she said she wanted to be the curly baby and thought she could make Cabbage Patch's hair look pretty. *sigh* The girls are now grounded from the TV for the next two weeks as well as having to go to bed early for said two weeks. Daddy told Super Girl that for the rest of this week she won't get a story before bed.

Well I must go before more pandemonium and chaos happen.

That's my week so far... I'm going to go clean out my pantry now, maybe I have a few left over antidepressants in there or something...

My Most Exciting News... I'm EXPECTING!!!

... Tomatoes!!! - After the whole freaking summer without even the tiniest bloom I finally get tomatoes! I have a bunch of tiny tomatoes on my plant - I'll probably be the only person with nice vine ripe tomatoes at Thanksgiving! I'll keep everyone up to date on the progress of my babies!

Visitors To My Abode

Today while tending my pathetic little garden Super Girl discovered what she thought was a frog. Further investigation proved it to be a a cool toad. I picked it up and showed it to the little people and asked them if they wanted to touch the toad - they did after many squeals, then I released the toad to go about his life again.

Moments later I discovered a big ass spider hanging out between my window and screen - here's a better picture of the bastard spider

Oatcake Anyone?

I'm sure most of you have no freaking clue what an oatcake is. I know I didn't. I saw the word on someone's blog a long time and I had to look it up. I found SEVERAL different recipes - It's an English item... Or maybe an Irish on... Or Scottish... Or Welsh.. Or... Well you get the picture. I looked at all of the recipes and found one that I felt the little people might actually eat. Well they were remarkably easy to make and the little people actually at them. I thought they were kind of bland - definitely needed cream cheese. Anyway... I made them a couple of weeks ago. Might make them again.

Pumpkin Rich!

So I took care of my broken pumpkin... As well as all of my other pumpkins. I chopped them up and boiled them then puree'd them. I must have a gallon of pumpkin pulp in my fridge currently. So I made some delightful pumpkin cookies for hubby to take to his office tomorrow. I must share the wealth (and wish large hips on the skinny women in his office... heh heh heh).

I also made pumpkin soup. It was really good. I think the little people ate some of it. I'll be making a lot of pumpkin dishes in the future. I think at one time I saw a recipe for pumpkin pasta - must look for that.

Because I haven't had much time to post....


Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.

The After Trick-Or-Treat

Halloween was a blast with the little people. We headed over to hubby's brother's house to do Halloween with his family. Right before we left to go to bro-in-laws, we got a group of trick-or-treaters at our door - kids who were too old to be trick-or-treating and had no costumes on. I made a tacky comment about how all the kids were dressed as the ever popular "Kid From The Projects". I'm glad I wasn't at home to give out candy, it would have pissed me off to have a bunch of teenagers knocking on my door. Hubby, myself and hubby's brother took the kids out trick-or-treating. Sadly there were not that many people doing Halloween this year. A LOT of people had decorations (some very elaborate) but not many people were handing out candy to the little ones, despite that the little people still had quite a haul. We only did three streets total and by the time we were done with the second the kids were starting to complain about the buckets being heavy. When we got back to brother-in-law's house I dumped the kids buckets and sorted the candy - bro-in-law and sis-in-law were giving me shit about how I was organizing the candy in little piles (I've always done this... Even when I was a small child). The people in my old neighborhood give out some kick ass candy. In the sorting I filled up one pumpkin with chocolate and the other with the Twizlers, taffy, Skittles, hard candy, etc. We got exactly 0 pieces of the crappy peanut butter taffy this year! YAY! This year I'm only keeping the candy around for a day, then I'm either throwing it out or sending it (hard candy) to troops in Iraq. The little people had fun playing with their cousin and his dog. Bro-in-law just got wood floors put in his house so it was incredibly LOUD with three kids under 5 running through the house. We grown ups at copious amounts of the 'good' candy while watching Two Towers. About 11:15 pm I told hubby it was time to get the little people off to bed and we left. On our arrival home we discovered that our Sad pumpkin had been pumpkin napped! The lid was there and the Happy pumpkin was there but Sad was gone. Hubby searched the area and found Sad by the fence in front of the creek. It appears that someone had thrown Sad against the fence in a lame attempt to smash sad. Well they suck because all they managed to do was give him a serious head wound. Happy and Sad were reunited and now are safely in the house along with Cat. Fucking kids, brutalizing my pumpkin.


You can see Sad's crack through his face. This is going to require some extreme reconstructive methods.

Happy Halloween!!


I'm so excited! It's Halloween! Woohoo! I get to take the little people out! I had planned to wear this cool black velvet dress and a witch hat but it's too damn hot for the dress so I'll probably wear shorts and the hat and just take the kids out to get candy. I have my kids all dressed up even though it's 2 hours before we can even go - gotta wait on hubby and his brother and all. My girls look so damn cute! I love Halloween! The little people are watching A Nightmare Before Christmas for the 3rd time today - I do love that movie.

And now for a spooky Halloween tale... True tale... Ok... Not very spooky... But I guess it all depends on how you read it...

Penguins At The Party


About 6 years ago hubby and I were invited to a Halloween party. I wrangled the invite from my sister to a party hosted by a friend of hers. We really didn't know many people at the party except for the people that hubby knew from work. Hubby and I had several ideas for costumes and finally settled on being penguins (looking back now, that was just the lamest thing for a fat chick to go as, only worse would be going as an Orca or a pig). As with all really great pre-kid days parties the booze was flowing freely. There was a margarita machine in the garage, lots of beer and mixed drinks in the kitchen and a fridge full of jello shots. I have a severe weakness for jello shots. I used to love jello quite a bit and jello with booze was just a bonus. Someone made a colossal amount of little shots with Everclear. I had a margarita when we first got to the party but didn't really like how it tasted, I ended up sitting on the sofa talking to some people and had hubby bring me jello shots. He brought me 4. Yum. I sucked them down and kept talking a few minutes later I sent hubby for more - he brought 4 more which disappeared as quick as the first ones - hubby got 4 more. We continued this little scenario for a while - I think I sent him to the kitchen 7 or 8 times and each time he brought me 4 jello shots. We finally left the part about 11 pm and I was fine when we left - actually I was surprised that I was fine and didn't even feel tipsy. Hubby kept eyeing me dubiously though. It was about a 30 minute drive from the party to our house and part way home I started feeling drunk - let me explain... All of the sudden I felt DRUNK. I mean REALLY DRUNK. It was all of the Everclear hit my system at the same time. By the time we got home my head was spinning and hubby had to help me out of the car. Hubby had to help me out of my shoes... And my clothes... And to bed... And had to get me a bucket to throw up in, because despite my insistence that I would not throw up, he knew better. Morning came far too soon. I taught Sunday School during that time and insisted that I was fine and could teach even though I still had a buzz and a killer headache. Hubby thought I was nuts, he just waited until I threw up breakfast then called to say that I was to sick to make it. I felt horribly sick the rest of the day, and hubby was such a dear, he didn't make comments about my drunken state at all nor did he do anything to make me feel bad or guilty... He didn't need to. I was so worried that I had made an ass at the party. Monday when my ultra conservative straight laced hubby went back to work he got 4 invitations to parties with the statement of "Bring your wife". I've always wondered just exactly WHAT I did to garner so many invites?

Snow White It Is

Super Girl decided what she wanted to be for Halloween about 2 months ago. She wants to be Snow White. I dislike Snow White so I hoped she would forget it. I tried to sell her on being the Disney Princess she is named after but she insisted on being Snow White. I left her alone about it for a while in the mistaken belief that she would forget about Snow White and I could make the little people matching princess dresses. No. Tonight I was chatting with hubby about what to do - should I get out the fabric and pattern and whip out a dress tonight or go get the blasted Snow White costume for her. Hubby said I should spend the $19.95 for the costumes for the little people. *sigh* Snow White it is. I know it's the best thing really as I would feel horribly guilty for making her wear a costume she didn't want to wear - like I always had to do growing up - and hubby, well he's been having flash backs to when he was little his mom made him wear a bunny costume one year and he has never fully recovered from that horrific experience. I'll be a good mom and let her wear the crappy store bought costume instead of an absolute master piece made by me (yes I could make a fabulous costume for her tonight).

Crack Whore Pussy

My cat has a problem. She's an addict and I suspect that she's like most addicts and would do just about anything to get a fix, even whore herself out. I know, your asking just what my cat is jonesing for, it's Pounce. Yesterday when I went to WalMart I purchased a little bag of Kitty Crack - Pounce , little did I know the powerful addictive powers of Kitty Crack!

When we got home I gave Sunshine some treats. She was all over the Kitty Crack - even willing to turn tricks! I made her stand on a chair. She wanted her crack so much she was grabbing my hand for it! She would even lick my fingers after she got the treat - even bite them! My cat is an addict!!!!


Sunshine, Kitty Crack Whore
I'm going to need to find a rehab program for my cat.

Saying Stupid Things

Being a parent affords me the grand luxury of saying completely moronic things with utter and complete impunity. Today's gem - "Don't just stand there sticking that duck in your mouth."

Loud Shit

Monday night I went to bed at my usual time, midnight... Well I intended to go to bed at midnight but while I was getting ready for bed I heard my neighbor turn on her stereo. She was playing her music loud enough that I could tell that it was country music and what song was playing. Oh great. So I figure I'll do some much needed waxing for a bit, surely they won't be listening at this deafening level for long. As I stood in the bathroom smearing myself with hot wax I listened as my neighbors talked.. No shouted to each other over the music, then the music changed from country which I can live with to obnoxious heavy metal then abruptly to even more obnoxious rap music, someone else arrived at their apartment and talked equally loudly and then thankfully the music ended and I think they all left. Only a bit over an hour past when they started playing their music so loud. Great... I had to get up at 6 am on Tuesday so I was really appreciative of the music. I wish I could figure when they sleep so I could serenade them with music.

Strange Happenings

So out of the clear blue my ceiling fan in my living room breaks. I hear a odd noise and turn to see the fan slowing down, then it makes a couple more noises accompanied by some flashes of electrical activity near the motor of the fan and the damn thing just stops - I of course turned off the fan at the wall then. I blame hubby for this (part of the marriage contract) as he changed the light bulb in the light part of the fan last night. I don't know if the light still works, but I'm not willing to find out right now either... I'm hesitant to turn the fan on again - not anxious for any more electrical light shows. *sigh* so tomorrow I'll put in a work order at the office.

Revenge On Goldilocks

So yesterday I get home from work and what do I find? 3 bears in my bed napping! Well really one pappa bear and two baby bears. Hubby and the girls decided that since I have the nicest (ang biggest) bed in the house they would all take their naps in MY bed. After a quick lunch and peep at my e-mail I joined them for a restless nap until I finally had enough and kicked them ALL out of my bed so I could nap. Sheesh - THIS is why I sleep alone! I want to SLEEP!

MOVIE REVIEW
Gangs Of New York


This is a REALLY LONG movie - but a DAMN good movie. It's violent and very bloody and I doubt it's historically accurate in other than a wide sweeping way not in a specific incident way. I'm not going to explain exactly what the movie is about, (go here if you want that) except to say that what I thought the movie was about wasn't really what it was about and I didn't really figure out the BIG PICTURE until the VERY end of the movie and I sat there going "Ohhhhhhhhhh.... that's what that was about..." That said, I never at any time had the "What the hell is this movie about?" feeling. We rented this movie a couple of weeks ago and just NOW got around to watching it. I wish I had watched it sooner because I really did enjoy the movie.

The actors: Daniel Day Lewis - I love just about everything this man has ever done. I'm constantly in awe of how he changes from role to role. Leonardo DiCaprio is in this movie as well - I'm not a big DiCaprio fan at all, I generally avoid seeing movies that he is in, although my nephew drug me to see Catch Me If You Can last year and I enjoyed that, I didn't feel that DiCaprio was an exception actor but he worked in the movie. Anyway, he was exceptional in the movie, I was quite surprised. The cast of supporting characters were fabulous also - very believable. I loved the costumes and scenery. My only kvetch - Cameron Diaz was somewhat miss cast. She's lovely and all but not a really strong actress, I got the impression that she was cast for her pretty face rather than her acting ability - luckily she didn't really distract from the complex story. Oh yeah one other thing, Liam Neeson was only in a VERY small part of the movie!

It's a movie well worth seeing if you can handle the violence and blood.

A Picture I Worth 1000 Words

I love my job, really I do. I have never had a job that gave me such immense opportunities to meet so many people from so many different back grounds. I’ve mentioned before how sometimes people will make an indelible impression on me, most recently that was Hope. Yesterday it was a woman I’ll call Star because that fits her bright and shining personality.

Celestial Being

Yesterday morning I walked into the room of a woman who had a last name so long and unpronounceable it makes me feel ignorant knowing that even if I saw it again I’d never recognize it or be able to say it. She sat in her bed feeding her baby as I asked her if she was interested in getting hospital photos of her new son. She looked up at me as she asked me questions and I saw how beautiful she was, perfect olive skin with big dark eyes and a radiant smile. Her dark wavy hair was pulled back. Star is the embodiment of the phrase ‘Exotic Beauty’. She spoke slowly and had an accent I had trouble placing. I returned with my camera when she had finished feeding her son and we chatted as I took her information and dressed the baby. This was her third child, first son. She and her husband hadn’t decided on a name for him yet. She wasn’t sure if there was an outfit for the baby and was delighted when a quick peek into the closet revealed the brand new outfit. As I positioned the baby for photos I asked her where she was from, she said Northern Iraq, that she was Curdish. I had to turn to look at her and she repeated herself as I’m sure I had an extremely ignorant look on my face. I asked her how long she’s been here, 10 years. She said her family is still in Iraq and she doesn’t know how they are. She briefly mentioned how hard it was in Iraq for her and her family, how they fled Iraq because the Curdish people were hated, how they walked to Turkey, how Turkey didn’t want them because they were Curdish and from Iraq and how it was terribly difficult to get to the US. Star spoke of her sister who had journeyed to the US with her but for some reason went back to Iraq. She told of how she left because of the racial hatred and war in Iraq and how the war had lasted so very long and how she would not go back. Star worried about her sister and her family in Iraq, that she didn’t know how they are right now because there are no phone lines, but she was glad things were changing. I wanted to ask her a million more questions most of them probably politically incorrect, but I wanted to know more about her and how she got here. I wanted her to keep talking so I could memorize her lovely voice. I wanted to touch her beautiful face just to see if she was real, maybe some of her beauty would rub off on me. I didn’t, it was time for me to go. Star thanked me profusely for taking the time to explain to her how she could order later, I thanked her for our conversation and congratulated her for her new baby. And it was over, it all took maybe 20 minutes, but I learned so much, she’s the first Iraqi that I’ve met and the first Curd also.

here I am up to early with an acidy stomach... this is what I'm passing time with now...





Hmmm.. I'm not sure if it makes me feel better or worse about this site!

(moments later)

The things I do as I sit in the wee hours of the morning waiting for the raging inferno within my gut to subside enough to grant me a couple more hours of blessed sleep.

I guess I should be disturbed, I checked all the other blogs I read to see if anyone had a more EVIL blog than mine and NO ONE DID. Sasoozie has a blog that is just as middle of the road EVIL as mind but no one else has a blog that is more EVIL. Bah! Curses! Curses on you all! - except Sasoozie.

List

I really should be in bed - I have to be up in about 4 and a half hours to have a garage sale! YIKES! I've been sorting and marking since 8:30 pm!

Anyway - since hubby seems to be at a loss for pressie ideas I thought I would do him a favor and make a list so that when the holidays arrive he won't be panicking at the last moment standing in the Exxon trying to decide if I'd rather have a lighter with a woman that strips when warmed or a decorative hillbilly cowboy with a bovine standing on the state of Texas shot glass.

And now in no particular order, here is the list (and by no means is this to imply that this is an exclusive list of things that I want nor a complete list - I do like to be some what surprised from time to time).

Suggestions of Gift Items For Judy

Sandman: Endless Nights by Neil Gaimen
Wolves In The Wall by Neil Gaimen
A night in a cheap motel with Neil Gaimen
Another night in a cheap motel with Neil Gaimen (kind of like a sequel if you will)
Shiny Things (i.e. Jewelry – charms are good)
Gift Certificate to place to buy sleazy undies
Gift Certificate to place to buy sleazy toys
Gift Certificate to place to get sleazy men
The ‘Perfect’ Red Shoes (I know… this one is just a myth)
Viking Princess Barbie
Holiday Barbie
Birthstone Barbie
Wonder Woman Barbie
Just about collectibleable Barbie
Gift Certificate to get a manicure and pedicure
Gift Certificate to get a massage
Gift Certificate to get massager... oh wait that's covered in the sleazy toys request
Art supplies
Sting’s latest CD
Sting
Pretty stationary
Hot hunky (literary) man to date
Gift Certificate to half price books
3 or 4 hours a week just to myself
Maid service
Gigolo Service

But It's Useful!

Last night my husband was having an out of mind experience. He came home and told me he knew what he was going to get me for a present - SHOES! Now I LOVE shoes and the thought of getting shoes could make me smile even if you had just shaved my cat bald (ok... That would probably be somewhat funny on it's own), but I had a FEELING that I needed to ask more about these shoes. So I asked the important question right up front "Are they pretty?" he said no... This is how the conversation went:

Him: But they are supposed to be the most comfortable shoes...
Me: (cutting him off) But are they pretty?
Him: Just think of how nice it will be to come home after a long day on your feet and how great they will feel!
Me: Are we talking orthopedic shoes? Old people shoes? What do I look like? Why do I want Ugly Shoes???
Him: Your feet will feel like they've been massaged - even after your long day on your feet!
Me: (starting to think he was brainwashed by the shoe manufacturer) Why... Do... I... Want... Ugly... Shoes?
Him: but they are comfortable! Someone at the meeting had them on and were just raving about how comfortable they are!
Me: Why do you want to buy me ugly shoes?
Him: Because they are useful?
Me: Since when have you ever bought me a present because it was useful?
Him: (thinking) um.. Never
Me: And what makes you think that after 11 and a half years you should change this? Don't buy me ugly shoes. Buy me pretty, shiny, funny... But not ugly shoes.

(later after looking up the shoes on the internet) Me:Shit! Those are UGLY!
Him: But they are comfortable
Me: Yeah and they cost $169 for ugly!
Him: Yikes! You're not getting the shoes.

Men need a 'shopping for women' class sometimes.

Darn That Sock!

Tonight when I went to put the little people down (for the 4th time) Cabbage Patch had Monkey Sandwich, it seems that Monkey Sandwich is suffering a separated shoulder... Or should I say a separation of the shoulder - her arm is nearly off. Cabbage Patch was upset about this 'boo-boo'. I told her I needed to fix Monkey Sandwich and asked her if she wanted me to fix it tonight to which she replied 'No!' and snuggled the monkey close. Looks like I'll be darning a sock (monkey) soon... And I thought I'd never be doing something like that...

Pain

I've got a desperately bad sinus headache at the moment. So bad that I even let hubby drug me... No, no, I begged him to drug me. I'm just sitting here waiting for this stuff to kick in and make me sleepy. It's almost 8:30 pm and I'm contemplating turning in for the evening - that is how freaking bad my head hurts. I'm a little afraid that I'm going to screw up my sleep schedule and end up sitting here at 4 am trying to pass the time until a sane hour to start doing laundry and vacuuming the livingroom.

More Sock News

No, no I haven't magically found my missing socks (although I think I will try Sasoozie's suggestion of washing all the singletons together in hopes of their mates showing up.... G-d only knows why that would work, but for some reason it sounds reasonable to me... Maybe it's jealously that will lure the missing socks out... Or maybe socks enjoy being in the dryer... Kind of like a party... And the sounds of a party lures them out... ya know kind of like how the sounds of drunken slutty women attracts sleazy men.. Or vice versa). This morning it was a bit chilly in my livingroom so I slipped on some socks... A red one and a purple one. My feet were toasty yet uncoordinated.

A Sock Of A Different Kind


Recently my sister asked for her sock monkey that I had made for her. I made Monkey Sandwich (the sock monkey's name) back in May or June and Monkey Sandwich has resided here ever since. During this time, Monkey Sandwich has gone from sitting on my entertainment center shelf and now resides somewhere upstairs in the little people's room. (insert dramatic music here) All of the trappings that I had attached to Monkey Sandwich are long gone - the hair, the fringe skirt, the bright red ribbon... All lost and forgotten. The other day when D asked to take possession of Monkey Sandwich I had to tell her no. Tonight when hubby put the little people to bed he came down and told me how Cabbage Patch loves "That Sock Monkey" so much. So D, I'm sorry, I can't grant you custody of Monkey Sandwich - you're going to have to get a court order to get that damned sock monkey! (or just ask me to make you another one)

One Last Sock

Somehow I know that the whole missing sock thing is hubby's fault (I'm allowed to say everything is his fault - it's in the marriage contract) - and as retaliation I plan to raid his sock drawer and make a bunch of angry albino sock monkeys out of his socks. Then I'll sneak into his room late one night and scatter the angry albino sock monkeys around his room and wait for the screams the next morning. Oh yeah... I'm evil... evil to the bone... (ok, maybe just really bizarre and mischievous)

Hmmm... I think maybe this medicine is kicking in now... I should stop posting now... Go work on my manifesto or something... ;o)

Transient Socks

This morning I took 15 precious minutes to search for matching socks - any socks, just as long as there are two of them. I finally found two that were similar enough (same color) to wear. I hate that. I have a love hate relationship with socks. I love cute socks, warm socks, soft socks, short socks, fuzzy socks, colored socks, white socks - I do love socks, I especially love having socks when I want socks. But I hate socks also. I don't really like wearing socks all the time - my feet prefer the freedom of nakedness or a pair of slip on shoes for near nakedness. Hell I stay home with my kids 5 days a week, I don't' have to wear shoes. When I do wear shoes I prefer it to be pretty shoes that don't require socks but occasionally it is shoes that do require socks and then I'm back to where I was this morning - sock searching. I've bought hundreds of pairs of socks over the years and the same damn thing happens with all of them. After a while I end up not being able to find matching pairs. Sometimes my socks would end up in the sock drawer of the Emperor of Socks' (aka hubby) and I would have to search them out among all the long white athletic socks. I tried for a while to buy only colored socks for myself to make it easier for my socks to be separated from his socks and therefore not end up trapped in his drawer, but that didn't work either, I still had to go on search and rescue sock missions and eventually I would never see my brightly colored socks again... Well at least not as a pair. I kept buying the SAME kind of socks for myself for a few years, my thought was that even if I lost some, since I already had several half pairs, I would be able to find at least a few socks to match up. Wonderful theory, but not something that actually works in the REAL world. I still can NOT manage to find a pair of MY socks! I found a cream colored sock with flowers, a red sock, a white sock, a short white sock with a cow on it, a purple sock, a black and white cow spotted sock and a dark blue sock. Grrr... Yesterday I had managed to get terribly lucky and find a matching pair of white and pink socks in my drawer (why the hell didn't I play the lottery yesterday!!!) - I haven't a clue how they got IN the drawer - I honestly do NOT recall putting them in there, nor to I recall seeing them in there before yesterday morning and I have been in that drawer just about every morning so I should know what's in there. After 15 minutes of searching this morning I managed to find a sock of hubbys that looked similar enough to one of mine and that's what I wore. I generally take a pair of his from the laundry but there weren't any socks in the dryer today. Why is it that all of MY socks disappear and all of hubby's socks seem to stay find able. That man has probably a hundred pairs of socks!!! I don't know why he buys them... I don't even remember him buying THAT many socks! Where do his come from???? Is he some how turning MY socks into his socks? Is there some kind of Evil Sock Magic going on here? Is my husband practicing the art of Black Sock Magic????

um... What the hell?... Better go to bed now...

Living On The Edge

Well if you think getting a tattoo is 'walking on the wild side' just read this. Today me and the little ones got a bath. I realized I needed to shave my legs - I sometimes meet my sancho on Friday nights. There's nothing more dangerous than holding a razor to your freshly washed skin while two hyper children splash around you. So here I was all soaped up, snapping at the little people to be still while I attempted to remove unwanted hair from my body - and just between you and I, that's a lot of hair. I don't really like to shave in the tub, although the tub is more convenient for some areas than others but I still don't really like it. Shaving in the shower is better but more rushed as we don't have a large hot water tank - that's always special, shaving one leg in the nice hot water then rushing to finish the other before I get goose bumps, and don't even think of shaving the pubes in a cold shower! And the worst part of shaving - in the tub with kids or rushed in the shower is when you miss a part and end up with a mohawk up the side of one leg. I mean other areas of the body can be hidden or hell you can just pretend you meant to make it that shape, but not your leg. So there I was taking my life in my own hands, trying to shave with the kids bumping me. Somehow I did manage to get it done with no blood loss and I seem to have gotten all the unsightly hair as well. *sigh* the things I do to make a booty call.

You are Form 4, Gargoyle: The Fallen.

"And The Gargoyle mended his wings from the
blood of the fallen so he could rise up from
imprisonment. With great speed and
resourcefulness, Gargoyle made the world his
for the taking."

Some examples of the Gargoyle Form are Daedalus
(Greek) and Mary Magdalene (Christian).
The Gargoyle is associated with the concept of
success, the number 4, and the element of wood.
His sign is the new moon.

As a member of Form 4, you are a creative and
resourceful individual. You are always
thinking of possible solutions to problems you
face and you generally choose one that is
right. Much of your success comes from your
ability to look at things a little differently
than everyone else. Gargoyles are the best
friends to have because they don't always take
things for face value.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

G-D I LOVE THE WORLD WE LIVE IN!

Damn the internet rocks! Where else can you get an At-Home DNA Paternity Testing Kit!

Activism Gone Too Far...



Let me explain this... The sticker above says 'Cruelty Free Circus'. Last week I got a bunch of materials (including the above stickers) for a group that protests circus' as cruel to animals. I'm actually torn as to whether to support an organization like this or enjoy the circus. I really do think that circus' and other types of entertainment venues that force animals to perform are cruel, I'm not even all that keen on zoos... But I have to admit I do love to see the circus and the zoo. So I'm a hypocritical animal rights protester. Anyway, the little people have LOVED the info from the anti-circus people - especially the stickers! Tonight after the little people were off to bed, hubby said "Judy... Look at your cat." I did. The laughter was great. I told him to put the cat down for now, I had to get a picture before we pulled that off. Notice the pissy cat expression. Lucky for Sunshine the sticker came off pretty easily - one swift yank by me, and since she has been getting her winter coat in, she didn't really loose a noticeable amount of fur. And the lesson for tonight... Cats are NOT a good place for a bumper sticker!

Permanent Art

About a month ago a dear friend of mine told me she and her husband were considering getting tattoos. He would get the redneck special - a rebel flag with her name and she would get one that featured his name (her's would be very small as opposed to his which would start with the flag on his left arm and end with the fluttering edge on his right arm - very tasteful). I've always considered getting inked but I've never been able to pin down exactly what I would want to put on myself for the rest of my life. I pretty much nixed anything like my husband or lover's name as one never knows if anything like that really would last - also my step mother has her ex husband's name (BUD) on her arm and I know for a fact she regrets that since she and he got divorced about 22 or 23 years ago! My dad has his nick name on his forearm - Ed - I think that's just stupid. My brother has Multiple tattoos - one being his last name in script on his back (9 letters - I'm actually surprised they had enough room on the scrawny boy. His brother-in-law went with him and was impressed that he sat there for all that time and never shed a tear) - No way in hell would I consider my last name (past or present or even future). I had said since having children that if I ever got anything permanent it would be something symbolic of my children - like a sun rise and a moon setting. Anyway when my friend was over talking about the tattoo thing I said something about that, hubby walked into the conversation as my friend stepped out for a moment and he laughed, when my friend came back in I mentioned the sun and the moon thing (hubby went upstairs for a moment) and my friend said "You would have to get them done like tarot cards, the Sun, The Moon and The Empress (me)". For the FIRST time ever getting inked sounded like a really cool idea. So now I'm thinking of how I'd want the cards to look - I already know where I'd get the tattoo - on my lower back. I know - it sounds wacky, but I'm just thinking.

Incoherent Ramblings

Yesterday my hot, hunky, super sexy (imaginary) boyfriend Antonio whisked me off in his private plane to spend the day with him down at the beach. We walked on the beach and ate lobster and drank expensive wine for lunch at this quaint little restaurant. We discussed where to spend our vacation between interruptions by calls from his business associates. Gosh I hate cell phones in times like these. I finally persuaded him to turn off his cell phone in the afternoon - I reasoned that we had to head back around 6 pm since he had a dinner meeting at 7 pm and I had to pick up my kids from the nanny. We dipped our toes in the gulf one more time before jetting back up here. It was delightful.

OK, REALLY... I went to my sisters house to hang out.

*Little break from my rambling - hubby just headed up to bed after doing the dishes, he called me to come upstairs. In front of his room was our oldest asleep on the floor. It was very cute. He picked her up and put her back in bed.

I left her house with just enough time to go by the gas station and get some gas before picking up hubby from work right at 5 pm. I drive into Dallas and pull off the freeway to get gas. As I sit at the pump and dig through my purse which my two children have recently rearranged by taking the contents out of my wallet and dumping into my purse, I realized that I do NOT have my bank card in my purse, so I can NOT get gas here. I express my displeasure to the little people and drive to the nearest grocery store praying that I have enough gas to get me there. In the store I remember that the 13th was Columbus Day and the instore bank will be closed like every other bank - this all comes to me as I stare blankly at the mesh gate pulled down infront of the bank counter. *sigh* Well I need milk anyway. We quickly walk toward the milk area but I get side tracked as I see WINE. Ahhhhh yes! We are in Dallas and THAT means I can BUY WINE! (I live in a dry area) A detour down the wine area, two bottles of cheap wine, back to the milk area then off to check out. I briefly wonder what the checker thinks as I place my two bottles of wine and two gallons of milk on the counter. (yeah and if she had given me a dirty look I probably would have said "What? I got to have something to drink too!") I write a check for my beverages and write it for $15 over so I can fill my tank. Off to the gas station. My car is filled with $13. When I get back in the car after paying I see that Super Girl has something, I ask what it is, we negotiate briefly and I discover she has a container of gum... A container of gum she STOLE from the store. I'm crushed. My initial urge is to go back to the store and make her pay for the gum and apologize for stealing it but I'm now late and in dire fear of getting caught in rush hour traffic. Super Girl is chastised, we zip off to get hubby, he's not to irritated that we are 20 minutes late thankfully. As we are bringing in stuff from the trunk (D gave me LOTS of things to take with me) some of the neighbor kids are hanging around. One little boy maybe 7 or 8 insists on telling me that his brother likes my daughter. This makes me want to giggle. Super Girl has an admirer. Hubby gives some of the local kids a few of the candy bars that are in the box of things and instantly makes friends with them. I made pizza for dinner while hubby explained to Super Girl why stealing is BAD. The kids went to bed without a fuss and hubby and I headed off to bed early (for us) as we were both just beat. About midnight I woke and saw a light under my door. I wondered if I had forgotten to turn off my fish tank light and got up. The kitchen light was on and Super Girl was coming out of the kitchen. I asked her why she was out of bed, she said something about wanting to sleep with me then said she was thirsty. I let her have a couple of sips of the milk she had just poured and took her back to bed with me - which means I didn't get all that much sleep. Sleeping with a wiggly 4 year old can NEVER be described as restful (on a side note when I was a little kid and we would visit our great grand mother she would always have us sleep with her, and she would be up at the crack of dawn making breakfast the next morning - I always wondered how she could do that with out an alarm clock... Well now I know...) This morning I discovered my fish food by the fish tank and food scattered on the tank cover so apparently super girl had tried to feed the fish as well as get a drink.

Off to bed now... tired... have to do laundry tomorrow... I mean I have to spend the day with Antonio... ;o)

It's All About Me Baby!

Copied from L. ;o)

Name Four Bad/Weird Habits You Have:
I laugh way to loud, I obsess over my goldfish, must eat M&M's in color matched pairs, I won't do the dishes if it's not 'my turn'.

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
All the money I would ever need, A beautiful new house, A beautiful new horse, The perfect pair of RED shoes.

Name Four Scents You Love:
Roses, chocolate, freshly baked bread, citrus

Name Four People That Know You the Best:
My sister, my husband, my cat and Antonio My beloved

Name Four Things You'd Never Wear:
Leg warmers, tube top, a pocket protector and a concert t-shirt for Eniem/Britney Spears/Christina Agulara/Back Street Boys/Etc.

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
Is it too early to have some of the cheap wine I just bought?, I wonder which of the two cheap wines would taste better?, Awww... Damn hubby is snoozing on the couch - that's what I was going to do!, Is it too early to have some of the cheap whine I just bought?

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
Bought wine at the same time I got milk for the kids, Wondered if the checker person thought I was a lush, filled the car up for $13 and picked up hubby 20 minutes late.

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
2 bottles of cheap wine, gas, milk

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
Water, cheap wine - just kidding that's an occasional treat!, Coke, Iced tea, water

First Grade Teacher's Name?
hmmm... Not sure, she had dark hair and she snickered when my undies fell down (I'll tell you about that later)

Last Words You Said?
Quiet

Last Song You Sang?
Not sure the title but it's a nickel Back song "Someday some how, gonna make it alright but not right now..." are some of the words.

Last Person You Hugged?
My two year old

Last Thing You Laughed At?
My husbands snarky comment about how my family's problem is that they all have horrible swirling black holes in place of their hearts because they are pure EVIL!!!! heh!

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It?
10 minutes ago when Cabbage Patch was saying it to me.

Last Time You Cried?
Today after I got gas and realized that Super Girl had stolen some bubble gum from the grocery store.

What's In Your CD Player?
An older Everclear CD ...Scratch that - Bare Naked Ladies marooned - I just went to check the title on the Everclear CD and see that hubby put in BNR.

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?
Bare feet - I rarely wear socks

What's Under Your Bed?
Dust, papers, kids toys, lost socks and probably a lazy cat

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
6:30 AM.

Current Taste?
ummm... What? What am I tasting now? The acidic taste of a not quite cold enough Coke.

Current Hair?
Fabulous! Long, Red, Curly - totally enviable! Don't hate me because I'm beautiful... Hate me because I'm shallow and vain. ;o)

Current Clothes?
White tank top and maroon linen shorts

Current Annoyance?
My family (not including D)

Current Longing?
World Peace, economic stability, environmental repair.... nah... Really good sex and some cheap wine.

Current Worry?
That my cheap wine will suck and my lover won't (think about it... it will come to you...)

Current Hate?
Liars, bad wine and bad sex - especially if all at the same time.

Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex?
Sexy eyes, nice chest, good ass and a nice sack of groceries (don't make me explain that)

Favorite Place To Be?
hmmm.... Anywhere I'm having fun.

Least Favorite Place?
In the court house waiting to see the judge.

Just Thinking...

I started thinking tonight about my imaginary boyfriend (IBF) and I guess my totally neurotic side of me started to worry that someone might think I was SERIOUS about this IBF - as if I TRULY intended to fool people into thinking I had some fabulous hunky sex machine, or worse people might think that I might actually BELIEVE that I have a fabulous hunky sex machine boyfriend. Or the ABSOLUTE worst, that people might think that I'm so freaking desperate for male companionship that I would get an IBF to make me feel worthwhile. Let me just get this in the open, IBF is just a joke. I never have nor ever will pretend to be in a relationship (although there were plenty of times I've pretended to NOT be in a relationship when I really was). I'm not desperately seeking male companionship - I have a husband (a gay one) and I have a sancho, I currently don't have a boyfriend and I'm not really sure I want one right now (maybe I want a girlfriend... Just teasing). IBF is for entertainment purposes only (hell I'll probably break up with him right after we return from our virtual vacation).

Why do I bring this up? Well I think a lot on the way to and from work - I have a 20 minute drive and there's not much traffic. I started thinking about IBF and then it struck me that I knew people who had IBFs - hell in my own family even! And all of them had some things in common - they were all delusional about this relationship, they all thought people believed them completely and everyone saw them as pathetic. Let me illustrate, I worked with this one woman, I'll call her Dora, Dora was in her mid 20's and had never had a boyfriend or a date. Dora wasn't ugly or deformed or anything like that - she was actually quite pretty, a little heavy, and she was generally depressed and fundamentally religious. When I first met Dora she was very mater of fact about the never had a boyfriend or a date thing, some time later she started talking about this man who was in one of her singles bible study classes, a few months later she became somewhat obsessed with this man and would talk about him constantly, within 6 months he started dating someone seriously and she was crushed as by this time she had decided in her mind that he and she had been dating, within a month she had decided that they had been boyfriend and girlfriend and she was very distraught over their 'break up', by the time he was engaged to his real girlfriend Dora was near to having a nervous break down. It was all quite sad.

The family member with the IBF was really bad about this. I remember as a child her saying how a certain local television newcaster was her lover but that he just wouldn't leave his bitch wife - she obsessed over this man for years and even named one of her cats after him (I hated that cat). Another time she spoke of a young man who worked at a book store as her lover - maybe, it's possible, but my sister and I seriously doubt it as she was old enough to be his grandmother. Then the one my sister and I laugh about the most, she talked at one time of having a relationship with a man my sister and I knew was quite openly GAY. Through the years she has maintained that she has had relationships with everyone from the president of the united states to Army big-wigs yet NO ONE can verify that she has had a date in the past 25 - 30 years. It's disturbing really.

Anyway, keep in mind that IBF is just a joke for me. I don't need anyone organizing an 'intervention' for me or for people to start sending me bottles of anti-depressants.

Weekend

No time to update - incredibly busy with work... er.. I mean Antonio, my fabulously sexy (imaginary) boyfriend... Will update later! Ta-ta!

Profound words about the internet.

Net Worth

I just had my soul valued, here are the results:

Your soul is worth £22416. For your peace of mind, 43% of people have a purer soul than you.

Go see what yours is worth WWYS®

At the end put in an e-mail addy for a friend, then the message "Did you know that you can increase the purity of your soul by purchasing one simple product?", click on the link - the music is very cool.

Memories

I just had the oddest memory. I was looking at some cool hippy jewlery and I saw this sterling silver orb pendant and it reminded me of one my mother had. It made and odd ringing-jingling sound when you shook it. She would giggle like a 2 year old when she shook it. Mom gave D & I most of her jewlery shortly before she died, but I don't know where that ended up.

Update
My sister's comment just reminded me that mom used to call that orb her HAPPINESS! She loved that so much, I think that's a perfect name for it.

The Name Game

Since I've made the decision that I'm going to embark on a fictitious relationship with an imaginary man, it's time to flesh things out so to speak! I've never had an imaginary boyfriend so I'm going to need some help from ya'll with all this. First things first, he needs a name. I want an interesting manly slightly exotic name. Names I will not consider because I know people who DO have those names: Paul (he's a jerk), John (he's an ass), Scott (he's my nephew), Ted (relative), Todd (ex-boss & asshole), Bob (sister's exhusband), Peter (dear friend who's like a brother), Chad (jerk), Stewart (pussy)...

Names I might consider... Mike - I have two friends named Mike, one is super hot and I'd do him the other is like a brother so that would just be sick... Also I've had 3 lovers named Mike one was a fabulous lover, one sucked and the other could have been better, Dave - I've known several Daves, most were great guys, Anthony - I like the it - makes me think of hot Mafia men.

Next my fake boyfriend needs a profession. Something good, enviable but not too good. Nothing boring but nothing to dangerous. I've gone out with my share of executives, sales men and investment bankers so none of them. Something where he has to wear a suit a few times a week and he has to look devastatingly handsome yet stylish. Something that requires him to travel occasionally but not all the time - oh yeah and he has to be making big bucks - who else would be bank rolling this virtual vacation? ;o)

Bizarre News

This story gave me a giggle. Penis snatcher... hehehehe.... Sounds like a porn title.

Suspected Penis Snatcher Beaten to Death
2 hours, 8 minutes ago

Add Oddly Enough - Reuters to My Yahoo!

BANJUL (Reuters) - A 28-year-old man accused of stealing a man's penis through sorcery was beaten to death in the West African country of Gambia on Thursday, police said.



A police spokesman told Reuters that Baba Jallow was killed by about 10 people in the town of Serekunda, nine miles from the capital Banjul.

Reports of penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, with purported victims claiming that alleged sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear in order to extort cash in the promise of a cure.

The police spokesman said many men in Serekunda were now afraid to shake hands, and he urged people not to believe reports of "vanishing" genitals. Belief in sorcery is widespread in West Africa.

Seven alleged penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs in Ghana in 1997.

Vacation Time!

I've been whining for at least a year about how I need a vacation. Circumstances always get in the way - mostly my general lack of MONEY. Lately several of the people who keep blogs that I read have gone on VACATION - the bastards! (no really, I'm not jealous, why do you ask?) I've decided that it's MY TIME now. I WILL TAKE a vacation - a well thought out and planned VACATION. And it will be EVERYTHING a vacation should be - fun, sun, parties and men. You may be wondering HOW I will manage to take a fabulous vacation - it's simple, I'm going to take it in my crazy little head. Yup, you read that right, it's all going to be made up - a virtual vacation if you will. I'm going to plan it and write about all the adventures there, then I'm going to (pretend to) leave on said vacation and I'll even have (fake) vacation photos to go with it - I think I might even take my (imaginary) fabulous and sexy boyfriend with me. I'll make sure to take my lap top (not real one) with me so I can update this site.

So... Any suggestions where I should go?

Shaddap Already

I had this post in mind, an angry post about all the things I"m irritated or pissed about (and believe me that could drag on for pages and pages), but then... I read all the blogs I usually read and a couple I don't usually read and I thought "Enough! Shut the hell up already!" I'm in no mood to hear (read) anyone else rant about anything, hell I don't even want to hear myself rant! I've had enough political griping, relationship moaning and general bitching for one day... Maybe even for the week. Is it possible for people to have a pleasant thought? To post a positive note? Maybe be funny? Life is to short to stand around bitching so much.

Total Honesty

Ya know, the best part of having a man pull the "Let's Just Be Friends" bullshit is that I can be totally brutally fucking honest with them now. No more trying to make a good impression. No more holding my tongue when I really want to point out how freaking stupid something is. Yeah I'm a bitch.

Just In Time For Halloween

I found this site Awful Plastic Surgery last week, I can't for the life of me remember where I found it, but I have been constantly amused by it. Go, it will creep you out as much as it will amuse you.

Kitty Dress-Up



This site will put any of my past efforts of dressing up my cats to absolute shame (although I think the real ones who felt the same were the cats...)... I MUST try harder now!!!! Thanks Jake 8bitjoystick for the site! I laughed heartily!

The Bucket Has Been Kicked

Aegir passed away quietly today sometime after noon. It appears he died of natural causes, no autopsy will be preformed as that would just be disgusting. A burial at sea was preformed this evening just after 8 pm. All of Aegir's tank mates appear to be greiving and in shock and have had no comment.

Aegir, you will be missed.

August


Which month are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I am August! My Birthday is in August - This fits so well.

Dead Fish Swimming

Damn it! One of my fish is doing poorly - one of my newest fish also! Aegir is not likely to be alive by tomorrow. I'm sad. I liked him. Super Girl is sad also - she stood at the tank and shouted for him to get better. hehehehe... *sigh* and of all days... Yom Kippur. Great one more thing to feel guilty about - fish death.

Anyway - plenty happened this weekend, don't feel like writing about it because it kind of SUCKED! Maybe tonight will be better (I won't get hopelessly lost and not be able to hook up with my Sancho)

Today is Yom Kippur , so this is pretty much going to be my only entry today as I will be spending the rest of today in prayer, fasting and reading scripture (and of course chasing after the little people). Peace to all - May you be written in for a good year!

Somebody Give Me A Gun!

Shit! Men are pissing me off today. What the fuck is wrong with all you men? Is it the phase of the moon that's making ya'll act like assholes? Somebody tell me please!

I mean fuck - My brother has pulled another one of his disappearing acts that is always preceded by a huge pack of lies and a veil of 'secrecy', my dad called me to tell me this as well as the fact that he JUST GOT OUT of the hospital for heart issues - WTF? Can he not tell his bitch of a wife to pick up the fucking phone and call me? My nephew has been acting like such a dumb fuck he got his ass tossed out of the house, one of my sisters clients is acting like such a mamby-pamby wishy-washy titty-baby that she's about ready to drop him, one man who professed his affections over and over has suddenly given me the 'oh let's just be friends' bullshit and my sancho keeps making dates only to cancel shortly after (pissing me off of course). What is going on? Hello!! Would ALL of the SANE MEN PLEASE move to the front?

Ok, I'm done ranting now... ya'll can move along now... Nothing to see here. ;o)

Redneck Toddler

My youngest was trying to feed one of the cats pork rinds. hehehe... I'm not sure if the cat ate them or Cabbage Patch ate them, I just know they were gone a few minutes later. Hmmm... I wonder.... If the cats will eat pork rinds, hell I could save some money on cat food! hehehe... ;o)

Footprints

Tonight my little darlings were laughing and playing (translation - tonight my bratty little kids were wound up like tops, running around screaming and screeching) - while I cheerfully prepared a delightful dinner (translation - while I scowled in the kitchen trying to prepare dinner for them to turn their nose up at). After a prolonged period of time, my beloved returned home to joyous noises of frivolity (translation - hubby had to work late, after what seemed like a fucking life-time he got home to the little heathens shrieking like banshees). We enjoyed a delicious family dinner with lively conversation and much entertainment (translation - the little people immediately turned their noses up at the beans and rice, Super Girl whined for an hour about how much she didn't want to eat beans while Cabbage Patch only ate hers as long as she had pork rinds to scoop them up with, we continually told Super Girl to keep her whining down to a mere whisper so we could watch Enterprise which she also whined about not wanting to watch). As hubby and I enjoyed a bit of camaraderie the little darlings romped and played in a cloud of fancy (translation - hubby and I downed a glass of cheap wine in a lame attempt to forget the children were acting like maniacs as the kids snuck into my bathroom and procured the baby powder). As we took our little ones off to bedie-bye we witnessed little footprints of angels (translation - we saw that they had poured the powder on the floor by the little power footprints and then got the priviledge of cleaning up all the fucking powder). What joy.

More Tests

The Big Five Personality Test

Extroverted	||||||||||||||||||	76%
Introverted	||||||	24%
Friendly	||||||||||||||||||||	84%
Aggressive	||||	16%
Orderly	||||||||||||||||	62%
Disorderly	||||||||||	38%
Relaxed	||||||||||||	44%
Emotional	||||||||||||||	56%
Intellectual	||||||||||||||||	68%
Practical	||||||||||	32%

Take Free Big 5 Personality Test

Freaky Little Test

Conscious self	Overall self

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I'm not sure what I just found out... but what the fuck, it was interesting.

The BEST $.99 I Ever Spent!

Friday's shopping trip turned up an unlikely gem. The kids wanted a toy and I got Cabbage Patch a toy microphone. Super Girl wanted some chalk stuff instead. Well the microphone became the star attraction shortly after getting home. Cabbage Patch stood on a chair and sang (babbled) at me giving a lovely performance. When Super Girl got it she did the same, making up song after song then introducing her sister at intervals. It was funny. At nearly bed time on Friday I took said microphone away from them as they were fighting over it. I started playing with it. It's addictive. I did a lounge comedy act for hubby. He wanted to kill me by bed time though. I loved that microphone.

Saturday... While I was at work, hubby took the kids to the store to get milk and stuff, well he also stopped off at Big Lots and guess what he did... He spent $3 to get 3 more microphones. One for each of us. hehehehe... Oh yeah...

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY

Fuck, I've been exceptionally busy... This is the first few moments I've had to myself since mid-day Friday.

Friday was Rosh Hashana. On Thursday I had discussed how I would take the car and do all the usual crap I do on Fridays, but by the end of the evening I said 'Fuck it, I don't want to' and negotiated with hubby to get groceries for Rosh Hashana. This was a brilliant idea... In theory at least. You already read about the battery thing that happened Friday morning, so I won't rehash that. I walked to the store with the little people to get some things, I got side tracked by the new Tuesday Morning that opened up where the Hastings used to be and we just went to the Big Lots and skipped the grocery store. That of course means I didn't get shit off the list for Rosh Hashana. Lucky for me I generally have a pretty well stocked pantry and had plenty to make for dinner - hubby would just have to pick up a few things. Later that evening while I'm preparing dinner I realized two things - one - I forgot to make Challah and two - I forgot how much I needed to get done before sundown... Well three also, I forgot to check when sundown was. *sigh* Anyway, I did finally get dinner finished, candles lit and prayers said. The dinner was fabulous - especially the meat filled pasta I made, served in a delicious, savory beef consume. Desert was less than great though - I always go through this, trying to find the perfect honey cake... This years cake was ok, almost icky.

Saturday

Saturday was a busy fun day. Work was long and profitable and we had plans to go to the The Corndog Festival! Our dear friend Peter finagled his sister into baby sitting for us, so we could all attend. It was a blast. We put together a cool entry - didn't remember to bring my camera this year so no cool pics. I started drinking shortly after getting my corndog for the evening. Drinks were moderately priced and came in BIG cups. I started getting drunk. And when I'm drunk... Well I say Fuck a lot (I do say it a fair amount while I'm sober) and I'm a slut (yeah, yeah I'm a slut when I'm sober also.. Just not as much). The part of all this that sucked - there were a LOT of GAY men there. Yeah my chances of getting 'lucky' with anyone other than myself (and fuck, I wasn't interested in that, I've already done me!) were slim and none. So I just kept drinking. People like to ply me with alcohol, apparently I'm very entertaining while I'm drunk (I'm somewhat entertaining while sober also, but I'm a lot less obnoxious while drunk). The judging happened - I really didn't look at all that many of the other entries but I had seen some of the ones that won and I was irritated that I DIDN'T win AGAIN! So I bitched and moaned... Or bitched and stumbled around like a drunk ho. Anyway, while I was whining and holding my losing entry one of the people who put the whole thing on, saw me and felt some sympathy for my pathetic state and gave me a weenie prize! A left over. eh, who cares - I WON SOMETHING! (yes I did yell that when she gave me the bag - I'm such a dork when I'm drunk) It's a T-shirt from the bar, but it's a pretty cool T-shirt... And I WON IT (sort of). I'll link to the official picture of my entry when they have it on the site.