In Honor Of Mom's Day

Mom-isms

A little "birdy" told me!

All I do is follow you around, picking up after you like some maid.

Am I talking to a brick wall?

Are you deaf or something?

Are you lying to me?

As long as you live under my roof, you'll do as I say.

Beds are NOT made for jumping on.

Call me when you get there, just so I know you're okay.

Close the door! You don't live in a barn.

Did you brush your teeth?

Did you comb your hair?

Do as I say, not as I do.

Do you think I'm made of money?

Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?

Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.

Don't eat that, you'll get worms!

Don't go out with a wet head, you'll catch cold.

Don't make me get up!

Don't pick that scab, it'll get infected.

Don't pick your nose in public.

Don't run in the house.

Don't sit too close to the television, it'll ruin your eyes.

Don't talk with your mouth full!

Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!

Eat your vegetables, they're good for you.

Enough is enough!

Go play outside! It's a beautiful day!

Going to a party? Leave a phone number in case I need to call.

Going to a party? Who's going to be there?

Going to a party? Will the parents be home?

How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tasted it?

I brought you into this world, and I can take you right back out!

I can't believe you can sleep in this filth!

I didn't ask who put it there, I said "Pick it up!"

I don't care what "everyone" is doing. I care what YOU are doing!

I don't have to explain myself. I said no.

I hope someday you have children just like you.

I just want what's best for you.

I will always love you - no matter what.

If God had wanted you to have holes in your ears (eyebrows, tongue, etc.) He would have put them there!

If it were a snake, it would have bitten you.

If wishes were horses...

If you could stay out last night, you can get up this morning.

If you don't do it NOW, then when are you going to do it?

If you stick your tongue out again it will fall off.

If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to play outside.

I'm doing this for your own good.

I'm going to skin you alive!

I'm not going to ask you again.

I'm not your cleaning lady!

I'm not your waitress!

Isn't it past your bedtime?

It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't trust everyone else.

Life isn't fair.

Look at me when I'm talking to you.

Money does NOT grow on trees.

No child of MINE would do something like that.

Nobody asked you.

Over my dead body!

Pick that up before somebody trips on it and breaks their neck!

Pick up your feet.

Put that down! You don't know where it's been!

Say that again and I'll wash your mouth out with soap.

Shut the door! I'm not heating (air conditioning) the entire neighborhood!

Shut your mouth and eat.

So it's raining? You're not sugar -- you won't melt.

So what if Bob's mom let him do it? If Bob's mom let him jump off the Empire State Building, would you want me to let you do it too?

Someone is going to end up crying.

There's enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes!

This hurts me more than it hurts you.

Turn that racket (music) down!

Watch your mouth!

Well, I haven't figured out how to cook "cold" yet.

Well, people in Hell want ice water too!

What did I say the FIRST time?

What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?

What part of NO don't you understand?

When I was a little girl...

When I was young we had respect for our elders, now look at the world!

When I was your age, I had to walk ten miles through the snow, uphill, by myself, to go to school.

When will you be back?

When you have your own house then you can make the rules!

Where do YOU think you're going?

Who died and left you boss?

Who do you think you're talking to?

Who taught you THAT? You didn't learn that in this house!

Wipe your feet!

You can't find it? Well, I can't find it for you - I didn't wear it!

You can't find it? Well, I can't find it for you - I'm not the maid!

You can't find it? Well, if you'd put things where they belonged, you wouldn't have this problem.

You can't find it? Well, where did you leave it last?

You can't start the day on an empty stomach.

You don't always get what you want. It's a hard lesson, but you might as well learn it now.

You have an answer for everything, don't you?

You kids are trying to drive me crazy!

You must think rules are made to be broken.

You're going to put your eye out with that thing!

You won't be happy until you break that, will you?

Your father is going to hear about this when HE gets home!

You'll understand when you're older.

You're the oldest. You should know better.

A little soap & water never killed anybody.

Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident.

Answer me when I ask you a question!

Are you going out dressed like that?

Are your hands broken? Pick it up yourself! I'm not your maid!

Be good.

Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.

Clean up after yourself!

Cupcakes are NOT a breakfast food!

Did you clean your room?

Did you flush?

Do you live to annoy me?

Do you think this is a hotel? You can't just come here only to sleep.

Don't ask me WHY. The answer is NO.

Don't cross your eyes or they'll freeze that way.

Don't EVER let me catch you doing that again!

Don't make me come in there!

Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been.

Don't run with a lollipop in your mouth.

Don't stay up too late!

Don't use that tone with me!

Don't you have anything better to do?

Go ask your father.

Go to your room and think about what you did!

How can you have nothing to wear? Your closet is FULL of clothes!

How many times do I have to tell you?

I can always tell when you're lying.

I can't believe you did that!

I don't buy snacks to feed the neighborhood!

I don't care who started it, I said stop!

I don't care who started it, YOU stop it!

I don't know is NOT an answer.

I hope you don't kiss me with that mouth!

I said CLOSE the door, I did not say SLAM it.

I would have never talked to MY mother like that!

If I catch you doing that one more time, I'll...

If I want your opinion I'll ask for it!

If I've told you once ... I've told you a thousand times.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

If you don't clean your plate, you won't get any dessert.

If you don't stop crying, I am going to give you something to cry about!

If you're too full to finish your dinner, you're too full for dessert.

I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one.

I'm going to give you until the count of three...

I'm not always going to be around to do these things for you.

I'm not running a taxi service.

I'm not your maid!

Is your homework finished?

It's no use crying over spilt milk.

I've had it up to here with you.

Leave your sister (brother) alone!

Little pitchers have big ears.

Look at this room! It looks like a pigsty!

Never try on anyone else's glasses or you'll go blind.

No, I don't know where your socks are, its not my day to watch them!

Now, come back downstairs and go back up WITHOUT stomping your feet!

Now, say you're sorry...and MEAN it!

Running away? Don't let the door hit you in the rear.

Running away? I'll help you pack.

Running away? Is that a threat or a promise?

Some day you will thank me for this. SMACK!!!

Someday your face will freeze like that

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Think of those poor starving children in India... (or China, or Africa.)

Turn off that light. Do you think we own the electric company?

Watch your language!

Well, people in Hades want ice water, but do you see me with a PITCHER?

Were you born in a barn? Close the door -- and DON'T slam it!

What do you think, money grows on trees?

What kind of a grade is that? You could do much better!

When did your last slave die?

When I was your age...

When you have kids of your own you'll understand.

Where are you going?

Who are you going with? Do I know them?

Who do you think you are?

Who said life was going to be easy?

Why? Because I SAID so, that's why!

You are getting on my last nerve.

You can go out to play...after you brush your teeth and comb your hair.

You can go out to play...after you pick up your room.

You can go out to play...after you've done your homework.

You can't judge a book by its cover.

You could grow potatoes in those ears!

You could have called.

You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.

You just ate an hour ago!

You made your bed, now lie in it.

You should have that phone surgically implanted in your ear.

You WILL eat it, and you WILL like it!

You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your shoulders!

You will ALWAYS be my baby.

Buy Me Something!

I like Pushin Daisies! I want many many things from there. Hell who wouldn't like chocolates shaped like coffins!

Ageing

I am 32 years old.
I am 400 Months old.
I am 1708 Weeks old.
I am 1708 Weeks old.
I am 286978 Hours old.
I am 17218721 Minutes old...

And that still makes me younger than K. ;o)

Try it for yourself with this age calculator.

Laundry


I've done laundry all freaking day long. Sheesh. I hate that the laundry never seems to stop in this house (something about there being two adults and two kids here that makes that a reality - the never ending laundry task... I feel for you A... You have many more in your household).

A Nice Glass of Whine

K took Super Girl to the baseball game tonight so I had a nice peaceful evening. I had considered drinking some wine and relaxing, but I didn't. I did laundry. *sigh*

Unforgettable, That's What I Am

My ex-sancho called tonight. He wants to see me. I don't want to see him. I'm still nice to him, we did see each other for 2 years, he is a nice guy. He just doesn't get it. He's the one who broke things off, now he's the one who's calling to see what's up. Laundry. That's what I told him. I was doing laundry. He laughed. He'll call again. He doesn't get the message, he just wants sex. I'll probably still be doing LAUNDRY.

Biohazard Man!
K woke this morning with pink eye. Ahhhh... He recognized the symptoms right away and made sure to inform me before he went to work. Really... I needed to know HE has pink eye bad enough that he needed to WAKE me? He told me he was going to the Dr. Okay. Later he called to tell me what the Dr. Said. She said he has PINK EYE and sinusitis (I told him that a few days ago). I listened to him tell me this as I folded LAUNDRY.

One Down, One To Go
I have the worst luck of finding a sitter when I need one. I used to rely on my father in law because he's retired and he lives a mere 15 minute drive from me. April 5 his wife had hip replacement surgery so he's now unavailable. Which sucks! This is why I've had to change my orthodontist appointment so damn many times. Well change it no more! My brother in law called (while I was doing laundry) to see what K had called for and I cornered him into watching the little people while I go to that appointment. Ahhhh... A victory! A small one, but one none the less. Next Thursday I'll finally get in. YAY!

Now I just need to find someone to watch the little people Monday morning so I can go to the Dr. (different thing) At least I won't be doing laundry.

Accomplishment!

Yeehaw! I finally accomplished something! I have been struggling with the art work to finish the stool for the little people. I just finished part of the preliminary drawing and I have to say - it ROCKS!!! Just have to find some pics of coral reefs and sea life.

Blurbs

I've been much busier than I care to be. I haven't had much time to write and well not even sure WHAT to write. Yesterday was a whirlwind of activity. Today wasn't quite that bad but it did get busy.

I'm going to use word association to be intentionally cryptic (and make things seem much more interesting than they really are).

Today: Hot
Little People: Crazy
Laundry: Dirty (still)
Work: Sucks
Friends: Beer
XXXX: *sigh* (happy sigh)
Surprises: Fabulous
Otter Pops: Rock!!!!

Don't Drink The Water!

We just got back from Super Girl's dance class where I learned that one of the mom's there just found out that she's pregnant (with her 4th). 4 weeks ago another one had her third daughter and there are a couple of other moms with 2 or 3 month old babies around there. Gotta stear clear of whatever they are drinking.

Ready To Go!

I'm all ready to get things done today. Motivated and full of energy. The thing that sucks is I'm busy. I've been out of the house most of the damn day so I haven't had a moment to get shit done. I'm going to be out the door in about 30 minutes. The good thing is that the house isn't littered (not completely at least) with toys since we've all be out of the house most of the day. Maybe this energy and motivation will hold up until the wee hours of the night and I'll get some things done after the kids go to bed. ;o)

Kids

Super Girl is so damn funny some times. Yesterday she came up to me after scrounging through the video tapes and said "Mom! I just found Lady and The Troll!" hehehe...

Just now, she was arguing with me about changing out of her dance clothes. Suddenly in frustration she makes this weird noise with her hand over her mouth. I look at her and say "What the heck was that?" and in all seriousness she says "It was a monkey wrench." Unfortunately I could not maintain a straight face and just burst into laughter.

Order Rising From The Chaos

I'm trying once again to get organized. Not just on an 'Organize My Freaking House' plane, more like an 'Organize My Freaking Life'. The beginning of this year I wrote down a bunch of things I wanted to accomplish this year and I honestly have not clue if I've accomplished any of them as I lost the journal they were written it! Yeah I lost it within a couple of days. Really sad. I know that the little people had a hand in the loss of the journal but it's just a prime example of what I need to do as far a getting organized. Change. That's what needs to happen. Change. I need to make some changes.

Hitting On The Waiter

I went to dinner with K and the little people. The waiter was kind of cute. He was exactly K's type. K had been teasing me in the car about XXXX and humming the theme song from 'Love Story' ('Love means never having to say you're sorry' 1970's sappy love story). I started doing 1970's groovy porn music every time the waiter walked by. Heh. It amused me, that's all that mattered. Eventually the conversation turned to what a cute butt the waiter had and I started laughing in that obnoxious loud laugh that I always laugh. This got the attention of our waiter and by this time K and I were wagering who could get his attention, me or him - and whether he was straight or gay. After a the waiter enquired a few times as to what I was laughing about I told him we had just been talking about grabbing his butt. More porn theme music and much laughter. K got me back for hitting on the waiter that he was lusting after - he wrote my phone number on the back of the receipt. He's just trying to make me look like the bigger SLUT!!! And finally one more Song - just because it's got that classic '70's porn feel to it. Wait... Wait... One more... This one is called 'Boob Tube'! Yeah I know, I need help... Or sex... I'll opt for sex.

OK, just for you... one more song. I'm gonna have to get this... never know when I might need to set the 'mood' *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*.

Friday Funday

Actually happened. It didn't go exactly as planned but it was not in fact fucked up as I had feared it would be. I'm tired from lack of sleep. The little people are tired from the non stop activities that Uncle Petey took them to. All turned out good.

Excited

Looks like the Fuck-up Fairy might not be hanging around for me. Looking like my Funday might actually happen - and maybe EVEN BETTER than I had anticipated. I'm not getting my hopes up too much.

Friday Funday

I've conned... er... Convinced dear Petey to watch the Tiny Terrorist... Um... Little People I mean, for half of the day tomorrow. I'm looking forward to some NOT MOMMY time. I'm not going to put my actual plans into writing as I'm terribly superstitious from time to time and I fear that actually writing my plans would doom them to be visited by the Fuck-up Fairy and therefore never materialize. So knock on wood, cross your fingers and all that other crap in hopes that my Funday actually happens.

* Update 5:24 pm - I am starting to hear the Fuck-up Fairy's tiny little wings beating near by. At least I do have a back up plan for just suck an event. Funday will turn into Productive Mom day... Or it could just be my Curl-Up-In-A-Fetal-Position-And-Cry-Because-My-Plans-Got-Fucked Day. It remains to be seen, in any event, I will certainly have SOMETHING to do while the Little People are away.

Letters In My Head

These are letters I composed in my head this morning to deserving people. (this concept blatantly stolen from Cult of the One Eyed Cat)

Dear Roller Blading Woman;

I applaud you on your bold fashion choice. A bright red sports bra and baggy knee length royal blue shorts were sure to catch people's attention, especially considering you are a bit on the portly side. You have a truly amazingly positive body image and for that I am jealous. In the future I hope you will alert your neighbors that you will be out and about in that ensemble as it took me two straight hours of surfing internet porn to get the image of you out of my head, I fear that if I see you again, that picture will be permanently burned into my memory.

Signed,
permanently Scared

Dear 'BETTY T';

From the way you cut me off to get onto the freeway I honestly thought you were in a hurry. Entering the freeway at 30 mph is just plain stupid and dangerous (as proof by all the large trucks braking and switching lanes suddenly). Also slowly increasing your speed to 60 mph when traffic is flowing at 70 + mph is likely to get you hit or shot. I understand that many people who drive Lexus think they have the right to drive any way they please, that is a lie sold to you when you got sold the car (which is just an over priced Toyota). Please for your own safety, stick to the feeder roads and avoid the freeway.

Signed,
The Irritated Redhead Driving The Prism Stuck Behind Your Slow Ass
PS - you really should drive more considerately considering your car has personalized plates... I'm sure you'd be EASY to find if I were a gun toting psycho. You have no idea how lucky you are that I don't own a gun. ;o)

Dear Lady In The Jaguar;

WTF? Are you related to BETTY T? It's very fucking irritating to have you speed up to get in front of me only to drive under the speed limit. Your expensive car does not entitle you to drive like a dumb-ass.

Signed,
The Woman Behind The Finger Saluting You

Dear Person Driving The White Lincoln;

I generally don't let people get that close to me unless I'm planning to have intimate relations with them. This is my fertile time so I'd prefer not to have sex with a total stranger, I do realize that having the body of our two cars between us is a pretty damn good barrier method of protection, but I'd really rather not take any chances. Do me a favor and don't pass me that closely again unless you've bought me an expensive dinner, some roses and lied to me about how I'm the only one for you.

Signed,
The Woman Who Would Like To Thank Everyone For Driving Safely Around Her Cheap Little Car

Dear 7-11 Clerk;

Thank you kindly for providing me with the phone book, but I honestly do not know why you got so hostile when I asked you what the cost of making a call at the pay phone was. Was that some kind of an insult in your culture?

Signed,
The Woman Who Will Probably See You Checking At The Same 7-11 In 5 Years

Dear Orthodontist Office;

Fuck, I'm an idiot. I missed my appointment yet again. I had it written down and everything - just on the wrong day. I suck. Why did you stop the reminder calls? I'm such a fucking incompetent ass when it comes to my appointments that I really do rely on the calls. Also, don't ever schedule me at the 'other' office, I've been going to the office off Ave G for 4 + years now, if I can't even keep track of my appointments, how the hell do you expect me to find the 'other' office? Please keep things easy for me, ADD sucks.

Signed,
The Stupid Woman Who Can't Keep Track Of Shit

Dear Tiny Child Of Mine;

I am not your human tissue, please stop wiping your face/nose/mouth on my shirt/shorts/pants/exposed body part. I realize you are 2 years old and extremely cute, but the moment your mucus/saliva/food on your face touches my shirt/shorts/pants/exposed body part you cease to be cute and make me consider giving you to the trolls that live under the bridge.

Signed,
MOM aka The Woman Who Gave Birth To You

Unforgettable People

While working every so often I encounter someone who is unforgettable. This weekend it was a lovely woman who had given birth to her second child - a beautiful 10 lb baby by (her second 10 lb baby!!) - just by virtue of the baby being 10 lbs I was sure to remember them, 10 lb babies are not that common and since I have given birth to two large babies I'm always fascinated by babies that are larger than mine were. Anyway... In talking to the mom, who was a bit reserved yet delighted by her baby, she mentions how she hopes this baby looks like his father, a few more sentences later she mentions that she buried her husband earlier this month. Oh... I know I had a dumb struck look cross my face. I didn't know what to say for half a minute. We talked more and I learned that her husband had died of stomach cancer. They learned he had cancer shortly after she got pregnant with her oldest (who is 2), when he got a clean bill of health they started trying for another baby, she managed to get pregnant despite the fact that her husband had undergone chemotherapy and while pregnant the second time a trip to the hospital with severe stomach pains lead to the discovery that he never had a clean bill of health, his scans had just been wrong. Very sad. I have incredible admiration for this woman, I am not sure I wouldn't be crying the whole time if I had to be in the same situation.

4 AM Sucks!

Thanks to taking some sinus medicine for a horrible sinus headache I have been up since 4 am. It doesn't help that my cats have taken to sleeping under my bed and one of them snores. Yes my cat snores. It normally doesn't bother me as I can generally sleep through the night, but not tonight. Damn snoring cat. Damn sinus pill. Damn 4 AM! Damn it!!

Marinating In Beer


A friend and I are considering doing just that with our worries. Drowning them in beer (with hot wings). Sounds like a damn good idea, not going to solve a damn thing but WTF it might be fun.

I'm so stressed right now it's not even funny - so I haven't posted lately - I'm not funny. I've been writing in my blog that I keep private as my thoughts right now are private and kind of dark and maudlin.

Maybe it's the weather. Tut-tut, looks like rain. (little people have been watching way too much Pooh lately)

Scarby Costumes



Here is a pic of me with the little people. Super Girl was thrilled to be dressed similar to me. Unfortunately you can not see the detail work on the sleeves of the dress Cabbage Patch is wearing. Don't the little people resemble me?

Formal Dress

Super Girl has started addressing me in a more formal fashion the past week. Instead of Mommy, Mom or Mamma she now calls me Mother (which comes out as Mudder from her little 5 year old mouth) and I have to say - I hate it. I keep telling her I would rather he call me mommy, mom or mamma to no avail.

Word For The Day

pining

Main Entry: pine
Function: intransitive verb
Inflected Form(s): pined; pin·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English pInian to suffer, from (assumed) Old English pIn punishment, from Latin poena -- more at PAIN
1 : to lose vigor, health, or flesh (as through grief) : LANGUISH
2 : to yearn intensely and persistently especially for something unattainable (they still pined for their lost wealth)


ahhh... well that would explain that wintergreen smell... and I thought it was just from that car air freshener I just bought.

Tidbits





Cheese Test: What type of cheese are you?

Capital Punishment For A Murderous Fish?

I have a murder in my tank. Bubbles was murdered last night. I know who did it. Heimdall. He's now going to be called Loki because he's an evil, evil, murderous fish (and he killed Balder already - check out Norse mythology for that connection). Loki also happens to be the smallest fish in the tank. He's managed to kill two fish. Bubbles was the third largest fish in the tank easily 4 times the size of Loki, yet Loki, the little bastard, managed to kill bubbles. Now I have to consider my next course of action. Do I take Loki out of the tank before I'm down to just him? Do I just leave him and hope his appetite for murder has been quenched (which it probably hasn't - serial killers rarely ever stop on their own)? Or do I make him stand trial for his actions and let a jury of his peers sentence him to pay for his crimes? Is Capital Punishment far to cruel for a serial killer goldfish? We have proof of two fish murders that have happened in my tank, I have no idea how many other tank mates he may have killed in his previous tank. Does this fish deserve the death penalty (a flushing)?

Research

I've been doing costume research online for the past couple of hours. I'm not finding exactly what I want, which is frustrating. I think the little people and I will have to venture out to the library soon to do research. The thought me and the little people in the library makes me shudder. They have never been accused of being calm. I have visions of them screaming and running between shelves of books leaving a wake of chaos and destruction behind them. We are asked... no, no, TOLD to leave the library and NEVER return under threat of legal action being taken against us... me. I have to do this research though. I guess I'll need to give them some Benedryl before we go and hope they get sleepy right as we arrive.

Weekend Recap

Saturday I probably had the most unproductive day at work that I've had in a very long time. I arrived at my first hospital at 8 am only to discover that the Dr. had just called saying he would arrive in 5 minutes so please have all the babies waiting in the nursery. That means that I had to wait for the Dr. to finish so I could take photos. I had 4 people who wanted photos. The Dr. did not in fact arrive in 5 minutes as promised. He arrived in 30 minutes! And it took 30 more minutes before he finished with the babies. I stood around for an hour. I was out of there by 10:30 am (with only one sale)which is my deadline for being at my second hospital. I arrived at the second hospital by 11 am and was met with a note for me to call my director who was 'concerned' as to where I was (I have no idea why she didn't check with the home office to see if I had called in my arrival time at my first hospital), she had already called home and K didn't really know what to tell her as far as when I left because I had spent the night with XXXX who was in town. After calling my director and having a pointless conversation, I went to work. I was quite busy but my sales were painfully bad. Back home.

I arrived home by 5:30 pm. I was tired and cranky because I didn't make nearly enough for the time I put in. I still had some work to do on the costumes for Sunday and I needed a nap (didn't get much sleep the night before for some reason). After a nap I got up and finished Super Girl's costume, my costume and Amy's costume instead of gamed. Super Girl and Cabbage Patch took great pleasure in modeling their costumes for the gaming group. (I'll post pictures soon - need to black out the little people's faces first).

Sunday I got up early and went to work. I was determined to be home by noon come hell or high water. I somehow managed to do just that and I didn't shirk any of my work to do it either. Amy and her brood made it to our place by a little after 1 pm and we were off to Scarby by 1:30 pm. We met up with her friend at the front gate, K took the little people off to find food and me, Amy and her friend set off to find XXXX (because I'm obsessive) I saw him briefly and even got a few moments to talk to him alone before being interrupted by someone who didn't have manners enough to recognize a private conversation. We said good-bye as he was leaving to head back home. I left Amy on a bench feeding her baby and I headed off to find K and the little people. That was the last I saw of Amy for the day. I met up with K, took the little people off his hands and went to find Amy to see if she wanted to go to the butterfly exhibit. I could not find her. I looked most of the afternoon with no luck. I did managed to find K a few times and we swapped kid duty each time. By 5:30 pm I was kid-less, husband-less and best friend-less. Hmmm.. Sounds like a bad country and western song doesn't it? I gave up looking for any of them at 6 pm and headed toward the front to chat with a friend until 7 pm. I did find K and the little people at the front gate shortly after 7 pm (when faire ends) but not Amy. All in all it was a lot of fun. Amy said she had fun yesterday and was at fair until 6 pm or 6:30 pm. So she said.... ;o)

Gravy???

Just moments ago I was singing the Brady BunchBrady Bunch theme song to Super Girl. I got as far as 'Here's a story of a guy named Brady...' I stopped thinking that she was no longer listening to me. After a few seconds she looks at me wide eyed and says "Covered in gravy???" heh.

Tax Day

April 15th. I got my taxes done and submitted yesterday. Yay.

My mother had a cat who was born on April 15. Her name was Crystal and she was solid gray. She was also EVIL incarnate. Meanness personified. A spiteful, horrible little cat. My mother loved her. She was probably the most uncuddly cat I've ever encountered. I don't know what happened. I got the cat for her. K picked up the cat (the specific cat mother wanted - had to be solid gray or nothing else), we kept the cat (much to the dissatisfaction of my cat Sinnamon - who herself was a demon but a cuddly demon to me) for a couple of days, she was sweet. Maybe it was just because she was born on April 15th.

Blue Jell-O Is Satan's Handy Work


If I haven’t mentioned before, let it be known at this moment that K is truly insane. I suspected as much before we married and he is very good at seeming quite sane for the most part, only occasionally does his insanity rear its head. This past Monday is when his most recent bout of insanity hit.

K promised the little people over the weekend that they could make Jell-O eggs. We have 3 or 4 Jell-O egg molds that have been collected over the years (collected but seldom used). Monday evening when he returned from his slave laboring he was bearing a bag full of colorful Jell-O powder. Yay. Red, green and blue. While I did my slave labor for the evening he and the little people prepared the concoction for the Jell-O eggs and had them chilling in the fridge by the time I returned. Tuesday morning the little people woke from their Jell-O egg dreams begging for a breakfast of them. I relented to their request as I really didn’t want to cook. I prepared a place for the little people to consume their unnatural food and gave them each a bowl with two Jell-O eggs which were quickly consumed. Thinking that the mess was fairly easily contained I let them have more eggs – which this time I allowed Super Girl to get from the fridge (my first and second mistake). The little people did not eat much of the second round of Jell-O eggs. The eggs became a non ending source of entertainment for them. At the point that the eggs began to fall onto my (badly in need of a steam cleaning) carpet I put an end to the ‘fun’. Unfortunately for me having let the kids serve themselves to the eggs that one time, they now had the erroneous notion that it they now had permission to get Jell-O eggs for themselves whenever they desired them. Grrr… I spent a great deal of time picking up half eaten eggs yesterday. By the time K got home yesterday evening all but a few of the Jell-O eggs had been consumed/destroyed/disposed of… or so I thought.

This morning I gave the little people a nutritious and delicious breakfast of Cheerios. The Jell-o eggs were now just an unpleasant memory. I started cleaning. About 9:30 am I noticed a blue blob on the carpet and with a bit of disgust I picked it up. Then I saw it… a trail of blue spots leading to a massacred Jell-O egg. I thought…uh… maybe I shouldn’t share exactly what I thought but it had something to do with the fact that I thought I was free of the damn eggs and how I desired to commit grave bodily harm against K for even buying Jell-O let alone BLUE! I spent 20 minutes scrubbing blue spots off my carpet cursing people. Jell-O – especially BLUE – has now joined the list of BANNED foods in my house. It is EVIL and insidious and makes nasty marks on the carpets (and children for that matter) and is deceptive (you think it’s solid and will be easy to clean up if dropped on something, yet it’s just waiting to touch something and dissolve into a horribly staining liquid made by Satan himself).

Color Me Unmotivated

I have sinus pressure. I'm tired. I did carb load. mmmmm... carbs... Bread... Italian food. Life is good.

This was stolen from another blog... To lazy to link to where it is though... Sorry... I suck (that's why I'm popular!)

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
Or perhaps you'd prefer a mizrach featuring fluffy kitties, gambling in the Old City. (directions on how to make a black velvet painted mizrach from 'Judaikitsch'

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
Glass of water

What is the last thing you watched on TV?
LOTR DVD

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The hum of my fridge and the crinkling of pattern paper being cut out by my husband

When did you last step outside?
about an hour ago when I got out of the car to come inside

Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My e-mail (internet porn)

What are you wearing?
hmmm... Aren't you cheeky... ;o) ecru crocheted short sleeved sweater and maroon shorts

Did you dream last night?
Yes I dream just about every night

When did you last laugh?
about 20 minutes ago, Super Girl was telling her grandfather something was boring.

What is on the walls of the room you are in?
I'm between rooms... Cows on one wall, pictures of the little people on the other

Seen anything weird lately?
What kind of question is that? I have kids, I see weird shit daily.

What do you think of this quiz?
It's filling up the page

What is the last movie you saw?
The Secret Window

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
A house... No, liposuction... No, no a house... No... lipo... No... I'd be signing the papers while getting lipo.

Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I once went for 6 months with out shaving my legs (gay men don't seem to mind manly hairy legs)

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I would clean up the pollution.

Do you like to dance?
Yeah baby! Didn't you see me burning up the dance floor?

George Bush is he a power-crazy nut case or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?:
He is actually neither. All I will say is that our troops need to come home. I don't discuss politics with anyone other than K.

Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Wow... I can Soooo imagine that since my oldest is a girl!... But I don't put the little people's names online so I'm not going to say. She is named after a Disney Princess though.

Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
William and we'd call him Wil

Would you ever consider living abroad?
Eh, what the hell. I can be slutty just about anywhere.

The Feast Of Unleavened Bread!

Passover ends tonight at sundown. I'm excited. I may eat an entire loaf of French bread by myself. I know the little people have gotten tired of matzo as well. But come on, you would too if you ate unsalted, Kosher for Passover Matzo every day. But I exaggerate. It's not that bad. There are lots of creative recipes to make. The little people loved the Passover Pancakes - they tasted just like regular pancakes just a bit thinner. The Apple Carrot Matzo muffins were a great hit. As I type I am feasting on a nice hot bowl of matzo ball soup (my favorite). I'm ready for bread though. Bread and some pasta. mmmmm... I think I'll be on a serious carb overload tonight.

Thats A Lot Of Pussy!

Big Pussy.

Dorky Moments Brought To You By Judy

I've had this car for almost a year. It is a nice car. Has a CD player in it and I've never ever played it. So Sunday right before I head out to Scarby I grab a few CD's for the trip. I listen to NIN then think about changing to Lenny Kravits. Well I want to anyway. I can't figure out how to get the freaking CD out of the player! I'm driving along pushing buttons at random. I finally give up. On the way home, I can't figure it either, but I'm tired and it's raining. Tonight I go into work for a brief (waste of) time. I get into my car and look at the dash where the stereo buttons and knobs are. I push a few things then I notice a lone button up at the top right. Right near the CD slot. I push it. Nothing happens (most of the other buttons make SOMETHING happen), so I push it again, hold it down. The CD gently slides out of the CD player. DOH!

Other Dorky thing

Driving home from Scarby was a bitch. The rain was bad in places and the traffic was heavy off and on. I'm very bad with directions (ask anyone) and I get lost if I do not have explicitly written directions from my door to where I need to end up. I did have directions to Scarby (I made Kent write them down for me after he handed me the map that is available on their web site and said "Here you go, you know how to get to I35 right?" and I gave him a wide eyed panicked look that said "Are you out of your fucking mind? I'm lucky I can get to my work every week without getting lost!!!") and followed them to the letter to get there - they were very simple also. So on the way back, it's dark, there's traffic and it's raining. I'm driving and I start thinking "Shouldn't I have already come to 635?" shortly after that I see a sign for 75 and think "What? How did I miss 635???" (actually I'm not to broke up about that since 635 can be a real bitch to drive on at times) at that point I realized that I had in fact missed 635 (like a dork) but the powers that be had seen fit to make sure I got back to 75 and headed back home. So... I ended up leaving the parking lot at 7:30 pm and getting home just after 9 pm!!! (part of it was the weather and traffic, the rest of the delay was just me being lost and not knowing it.)

Internet Back UP!

My internet has been down since 4:30pm today! DAAAAAAMMMMMNNN!

Good Day Sunshine!

She has returned! I'll write more about the Prodigal Cat later, but just know, she is BACK! Sunshine is home. I'm happy.

My Creation!

This is what I've been working on to wear to Scarby tomorrow.



I made everything you see. :o) I'm so proud of myself - I did it without a pattern even. And managed to finish as my old sewing started pooping out. Damn... Anyway can't wait to wear it (and for XXXX to see it).

Something Freaky For Friday

Go, Command The Chicken.

Kitty Love

This article on a kitty grave found in Cyprus that dates back much further than first thought is sweet and makes me miss my cat.

Sunshine is still gone. No signs of her either. I'm losing hope that she will come back.

Bits And Pieces

I'm desperately having trouble getting motivated today. Probably because I stayed up to fucking late (again). I spoke to XXXX last night then worked on my bodice to wear to Scarby. Yes I know dressing up to go to a ren faire makes me a dork in some people's eyes, I don't really care, I think it will be fun. My boyfriend is also a rennie so I think he'll like it also. Speaking of XXXX I'm excited because he'll be here for opening weekend of Scarby but also dreading it because his WIFE will be with him. Damn. Oh... What's that surprised look for? Haven't I mentioned he was married? Well I really shouldn't have to, you know - I've discussed my issues with all the single available men that I've dated (being that they have all turned out to be complete looser-asshole-fuckwads). Don't bother telling me how wrong it is to date a married man or how foolish it is to actually love him... I know it, I've heard it, I've even said it all to myself... Doesn't matter, it happened, I love him, move on... So ANYWAY... He'll be here but his spouse will be hovering. I'm considering taking K and the little people with me this weekend since I won't have the opportunity to see XXXX all that much. *sigh* Super girl thinks my bodice is so lovely she wants me to make a costume for her to wear to match mine. hehehe... I might do that tonight, make one for her and for Cabbage Patch.


***** Sorry... Got interrupted ***** lost train of thought... Damn... Hope it comes back around...

Babies Love Chocolate

Gotta love this story. I guess my daily malt habit while pregnant with Super Girl can now be called a 'healthy' habit. I just hope that someone comes out with a study that says eating cheese burgers, Taco Bell and pizza while pregnant is good for a developing fetus - then I can say that my first pregnancy was a totally healthful experience for me and my baby. ;o)

Ewwwww.... My question is WHY?????

Strange Path

I check my sitemeter from time to time just to see how people get to my site. I'm often amused by what people search and somehow fine me. Some things are just odd, others very perverse and still others out right disturbing. To all who search and find me, I hope you enjoy the page, to those who search for bizarre, peverse and disturbing material - you deserve the disappointment of not finding it here. :oPPPPP

April Showers

It's raining today. Not to bad - enough to make it so I don't have to water my infant garden. I'm so thrilled that things are sprouting!

Passover Seder

We had a fabulous Seder last night. The food was good - well most of it. The potato kugel was yucky, the cheese cake had a little too much lemon zest in it, the Passover rolls were a tad bit hard (I cooked them a bit too long), the spinach stuffing was far better than I expected, the green bean tomato salad was delightful, chicken was quite good also and the soups were yummy (I love matzo ball soup), my matzo balls were perfect - everyone enjoyed themselves. I was so proud of Super Girl, she had the first question memorized and part of the second one. And her pronouciation was quite good. Despite half of the adults present (me and Petey) getting drunk on the Passover wine pretty quick, we did manage to finish our Seder with very little mess. We did the Seder on the floor with cushions to sit on and we ate on the nice red china. It was all very nice and very cozy.

I'll add a few pictures soon.


Part way through the Seder - Peter pours more wine for everyone.

I think this was glass number 3 of wine.


The end of the seder - the end of all the wine too!

'Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone'

My cat is still gone. Damn. It rained this morning so I am starting to loose hope that my little bitty kitty will be back. And my darling child today started saying "Momma why is Sunshine gone?" I said "I don't know, I hope she comes back." to which she replied "I bet she's dead." Ugh.

So this song keeps running through my head:

"Ain't No Sunshine"

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she always gone too long anytime she goes away

Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away

I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, know, know, know, know
I know, I know
Hey I ought to
I ought to leave her alone
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness everyday
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away
Will Young

Damn... Where is my cat??????

Drunken Seder
Nekked Drunken Seder

We finished the Seder a bit ago. Damn I am still not sobered up. It was a lot of fun. Petey is still here, he needs to sober up before he drives home. 4 big glasses (plus some) of Kosher wine has a hell of an affect on a person.

I took pictures, I'm almost afraid to upload them and take a look.

Eggless

Well fuck. I'm out of eggs. I have my cheesecake in the oven so at least we will have desert! Damn it. I should have bought eggs last night. Just about every fucking other thing I'm planning to cook requires eggs. Damn it.

Passover Prep

Shit I have so much to do. I worked a lot this weekend and then went out with my friends on Saturday night. I have so much to do to get ready for the Seder tonight. This is what's going on:

1 - need to call my ortho and reschedule for the appointment I missed this morning.
2 - need to finish cleaning house
3 - need to finish making all the food for tonight
4 - need to make children nap
5 - need to get out nice dishes for the Seder


What's on my mind and distracting me:
1 - XXXX - that's a constant
2 - my ex-sancho keeps calling
3 - my cat is missing
4 - XXXX
5 - my plants have even more sprouts
6 - absolutly beautiful weather
7 - XXXX (again)
8 - having to do so much
9 - general stress


Off to make myself some lunch.

Sprouts!

I have sprouts!


Look close - these will be flowers


herbs and basil


Tomatoes

Toe Jam

Yesterday was such a crazy day. I dropped K off at work because I had to take the little people to an appointment in the afternoon. After dropping K off I drove through McDonald's for breakfast for us to share. When I got home I started splitting the breakfast among us and after I got Super Girl's plate ready I picked Cabbage Patch up off the little chair she was standing on. When I did that I knocked over the chair and it fell right on the toes of my left foot. Oh my goodness... That was the most pain. It took almost two hours before my toes stopped throbbing. By then it was nearly nap time and
I hadn't gotten jack done around the house. My toe was so sensitive it hurt to walk. Anyway, after naps I got
the kids ready and we left to go to the appointment. It took way to long for the appointment. I took the
kids to the potty while we were there and Cabbage Patch accidentally stepped on my toes! I almost cried. We got home about 4 pm and I had to leave by 4:30 to pick up K. His work was doing a 'team building' exercise and they had gone to bowl across town. Ugh. Even though we had lived in that area for 5 years prior to Super Girl being born I could not remember where the place was. I didn't get to him until 6:30 pm! (and that was only after stopping to ask directions and Super Girl having to use the potty, me having to tell shield her from cars as she peed in public because nothing was open that had a rest room...) Only an hour after the event had ended. *sigh* By this time I was cranky. My toe hurt, Cabbage Patch had wet her pants and the kids were being restless. I started getting a sinus headache when we got home also. I took some medicine for the pain (toe and headache) about 9 pm. And intended to go to bed but decided to stay up until I got sleepy from the medication. I stayed up until 11:30 pm.
Today is a much better day. My headache is gone, my toe ache is gone also.

Here are pictures of my toe


You can see the blue of the bruising right along the cuticle - other than that line, it looks normal... Until...


The polish is gone!(which actually hurt quite a bit) Nasty bruise, my toe nail feels like it's on to tight, but not hurting that much anymore.

Lack Of Motivation Or Pain?

Going to be a busy day today, I took K to work, stopped by The Golden Arches to get a 'healthy' breakfast for me and the little people to share. At home while dividing the breakfast among us a child's wooden chair got knocked over and smacked my toes! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! That was at 8:45 am and they just now stopped throbbing. No I didn't break anything, it just hurts. The chair actually hit right across my toe nails of my big toe and the toe next to it, so my toe nail feels like it's on a bit to tight right now. I have many many things to be doing today but it hurts to walk much. I'm being a big baby, yes I know. My toes hurt!

St. Judy


Have I mentioned that I'm a saint? Well not a REAL saint, but I am practically consider a saint in the gay circles K associates with. I like that. I'm a saint (notice the cool rainbow aura around my head). Maybe all the voice I hear in my head are prayers being sent to me requesting intersession.... hmmm... I guess I should listen more. Ya know ADD sucks when you can't even pay attention to the voices in your head.

St. Judy. I like that. I need to get cards printed.

Passion Statements

I was perusing the blogs I obsessively read on a daily basis. Some people have such strong political views, I don’t necessarily agree with them and thing some of their views are down right inaccurate, but I admire their passion and I’d refrain from leaving comments as I know they don’t give a flip about my differing opinion and I respect their right to say whatever the fuck they want on their blog. Other people write deep stirring post about their inner most emotions. I’m often in awe of them being able to share something so personal on such a public forum, but I suppose the internet affords one a measure of anonymity that other forums really don’t, still it takes courage to bear one’s soul so to speak – even virtually. Some people write insightful social commentary and rail against the wrongs in society and the injustice to the downtrodden. So much energy and passion goes into their missives that I oft times need a rest after a read. And then there are the people who seek to impart some grains of sagely advice and worldly wisdom, usually it’s moving and profound (otherwise I wouldn’t keep reading their freaking blog). They are all different, yet they all have the same thing – passion. They are all written with great passion. And me? I write for a laugh most of the time. None of the above (vaguely) referenced blogs would ever have a post about having their pedometer clipped to their lavender string bikini undies, nor would they ever discuss the sleazy-ish details of their love life or mention the gay porn calendar that was received as a lovely gift from the spouse. Nope just me. I always go for the laugh – even in real life. I’m incapable of prolonged periods of seriousness. Even in an intimate setting (sex) I have to get a laugh at SOME time (not during mind you, but definitely between).

I wonder if I should try harder to be more serious

My Results

Here is the result of your ACL 100 Point Purity Test.
You answered "yes" to 77 of 100 questions, making you 23.0% sexually pure (77.0% sexually corrupt); that is, you are 23.0% pure in the sex domain.
Your Weirdness Factor (AKA Uniqueness Factor) is 41%, based on a comparison of your test results with 879613 other submissions for this test.

The average purity for this test is 56.5%.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't think anyone is surprised by these results!

Go take the Test for yourself.

Sucking and Sucking Good

That's what I think about not remembering to put on my pedometer until the morning is almost gone. I'd already been up and down the stairs a half dozen times, had hung the tiny terrorists... uh... I mean the little people's... clothes back up in their closet and then I remembered that I should put my fucking pedometer on. So down the stairs, clip it to the pocket on my dress and back up to (ugh) clean the cat litter. Now I'm looking at my pedometer and I'm disgusted that it's not even over 1,000 steps! WTF???? I think that if this bitch isn't clipped on where it stays absolutely upright (as in it isn't hanging on the saggy pocket of my linen house dress - yeah I look like a fucking house wife, what of it ) then it doesn't register every step. Gawd Darn it! So like the dork that I am, I have clipped it to my underwear. Yes my panties. I have a talking pedometer clipped to my lavender string bikinis (yeah I know, an image you didn't really need). I can't help but wonder if this talking pedometer will (a) freak me out when it speaks from my panties, as I'm unaccustomed to anything mechanical speaking to me from such a local (b) if it will start talking to me and telling me more than just how many steps I have taken (as in, 'Damn Bitch! That's the lamest shaving job I've ever seen! Yo man's not gonna wanna stick his face in a cactus patch - go get that razor again!' or 'Good Gawd! Talk about ratty-assed panties! Spend a buck already and buy a new pair! Damn, didn't you have these back in high school?' ), which I'm not sure I can take that kind of criticism right now (besides my panties are not ratty or old - not this pair anyway). OK enough about conversations from my underwear - I'm off to finish the laundry.

Dirty Laundry

That's what I'm doing today. The laundry. Woohoo. What fun. I'm finally getting the laundry caught up. Damn it didn't take long for it to get backed up.

I think I've managed to get most of my laundry done. The little people seem to have mountains of clothes. Ugh. There are times I wish we were part of a tribe living deep in the rainforest and wore nothing but leaves and grass. Knowing my luck I'd end up being the one who had to pick up all the leaves and grass off the bathroom floor. Laundry is just my curse.

which groupmember are you?

heh... I didn't expect that.

Men Again

Apparently something is aligned in the cosmos that is making men from my past contact me. Friday was the call from dickweed, Saturday was an e-mail from the Marine and Sunday was a call from my most recent Sancho. I'd be lieing if I said that I did not enjoy the attention, I do, I just really, really don't want to be with any of them. I am so crazy about XXXX. We talk just about every day. I just wish we could see each other more often. Him living so far away really sucks. Dickweed and the Marine haven't bugged me anymore but my former Sancho keeps calling. Ugh. The more he calls the harder it is just to not see him. He's very nice and he's fun to be with, just no love there. Must resist urge to be a slut! Ugh.

The Calendar

K brought a gift back for me from his gay event. A calendar. A calendar of men (gay men of course). It gives me giggles because the men are *ahem* nekked. I asked him where on earth was I supposed to hang the calendar since I do NOT want the little people to see it. He suggested my bed room which got laughter then he said "The closet." Well why didn't I think of that, hang the calendar in the closet - where else would I find gay men! HA!

For A Good Laugh

We all need a good laugh, XXXX sent this to me. I really did laugh out loud on this. Go, watch, laugh... you'll thank me later. (this is safe for work, no nekked people)

Spring Cleaning

K took the day off to give me a break from the kids. I'm happy. I am planning to clean out my closet and reorganize my bed room. but of course I'm sitting here wasting time.

2 Hour Dress

I made this lovely dress for Cabbage Patch to wear to a wedding this past Friday night. I made it between 3 pm and 5 pm on Friday. Yeah I know, last minute.

D's Dress

Garden 2004

I planted my 'garden' this weekend.

Just Made The Psycho List

What a busy day. I'll write more tomorrow about it. I got back from my cousin's wedding about 10 pm. I had two messages on my voice mail. One from a friend and one from a guy who obviously knew me but I wasn't sure who it was. I called my friend and chatted for almost an hour.

So I call back the guy who left a message. I called right after I hung up with my friend. I thought the number looked familiar and it MIGHT be that idiot who called me a whore. I quickly look to see if I did happen to keep his number, and no I did not. So I dial. It rings, rings, rings, rings... And he answers. I'm shocked. I just hang the fuck up. I pick up the batteries that I dropped when he answered (out of my camera you pervert! Stop thinking it was out of my sex toys!). Then the phone rings (*cue creepy music*). I think "should I just let it roll to voice mail? Should I ignore it? Why the fuck did I just hang up? Am I a moron? Oh fuck, I'm just going to answer so he doesn't think I'm being a pussy." Here is the conversation (as close to verbatim as I can remember).

Me: Hello?
Him: Hey, I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me.
Me: I'm just a little shocked that you called.
Him: I just hadn't heard from you in a while and wanted to see how things were going.
Me: I'm just a little shocked that you called. (*this is the theme of this conversation... Me repeating myself*)
Him: We didn't end it on a good note.
Me: No... I didn't appreciate being called a whore.
Him: We both said some things.
Me: ... I don't remember saying anything like that. I told you I didn't think things would work out.
Him: Well do you NOT want me to call you?
Me (thinking - Well duh, you big fucking moron, why would I want to talk to you?)
Me: I didn't appreciate being called a whore.
Him: Well okay.
*click*

What the fuck? Why on earth would a man think that after ending a conversation with the words '...Not with a whore like you!' it would be cool to call a girl again? Especially calling to hook up or whatever? He has now been upgraded to a PSYCHO!!! If there was EVER any wonder as to WHY I date married men, THIS guy is THE answer!

When did I become so freaking unforgettable?

Area 51
(AKA My Aquarium)

The disappearance of Balder has prompted a high level government investigation. Currently the area has been taped off and only authorized personal are being allowed in (which includes me since I feed the damn fish). The official statement is that there is no statement to be made, that there is no unusual occurrences and there is no unusual disappearance of fish from the area. I’m not sure I believe this but that’s what they keep telling me. The rumors are much more entertaining. These are the theories of what has happened to Balder:

1. There exists a sort of Bermuda Triangle in the tank. This would explain the odd disappearance of not only Balder but also of Ran.

2. Balder was taken by Aliens for strange experiments and will be returned to the tank in a matter of days to years. Upon his return he will have an odd wide eyed expression on his face constantly, will want to wear tin foil on his head, be very skittish and talk of anal probes and tracking devices implanted in his body.

3. It was a mafia hit. K works for a company owned by Italians so I think this one is VERY possible.

4. Heimdall thinks his name is really Loki and he murdered Balder (read up on Norse mythology for that one).

5. The other fish in the tank are organized crime and whacked Balder so now he sleeps with the fishes. HAHAHAHAHAHA! He’s a fish… sleeps with the fishes… heh… it was funny to me.

6. Sunshine (the cat) has developed thumbs that she is keeping hidden under her fur and took the lid off the aquarium, grabbed Balder and put the lid back on.

I’m not sure about any of these, they all seem equally plausible. If you have any theories on the disappearance, please, let me know.

Bermuda Triangle

It's like the fucking Bermuda Triangle over here (in my aquarium)! I'm missing a fucking fish again! Balder is missing! No signs of dead fish, no nothing. Fuck.

Super Girl said "Maybe he go'd back to the sea." She's watched 'Finding Nemo' once too often.

Damn.

Heimdall is being a fucker also, he keeps nipping bubbles. Maybe he did Balder in... and then ate him!

I knew naming a fish after a Norse God with such a horrible end was a bad idea!!!!

Unconscious Mutterings
Try a little Free association to get you started this Wednesday morning.

These are mine:

1. Wife:: Me
   
2. Criminal:: Relative
   
3. Campaign:: Manager
   
4. Infection:: Control
   
5. Portland:: Oregon
   
6. NASCAR:: Races
   
7. IMAX:: Theater
   
8. Martian:: Marty The
   
9. Nike:: Shoes
   
10. Trial:: By Fire
    

Blast From The Past

Recently I found a photo of myself at 20. This is the first picture I gave K, he used to have it on his desk at work so I had forgotten about it.



I can't even believe that was me.

You are Lawrence Ferlinghetti! Modern rebel and
owner and proprietor of the City Lights
Bookstore in San Francisco, Lawrence
Ferlinghetti is known for his playful tone and
innovative style. He is MY favorite poet, and
the works of Lawrence are always eye-opening
socio-cultural critiques in a light-hearted
tone. He is recognized as one of the most
influential poets of the beat era.


Which famous poet are you? (pictures and many outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla


Oh dear.. I have no idea who that man is. Frightening.

Gourmet Flavor
Fun Shapes! Tasty Flavors!

That's what this box of cat food says. I'd like to know how they determined this. Who actually is the gourmet who decided on the flavor of this cat food? I want to see the panel of cats who decided what shapes are 'fun' and that this food is 'tasty'? How the hell does one determine this information. I mean I KNOW when my cats like the food I pour in their bowl as they tend to eat it right away and refrain from trying to bury it. But the fun shapes? WTF? I've never had my cats refuse a food because it was a 'un-fun' shape. Not that it would have mattered, if the cats don't eat what I pour in their bowl they just don't eat. I don't buy fancy and expensive food for my cats. Why? They lick their ass on a regular basis, what would they know of 'gourmet flavor'??? What exactly is that for a cat? Ass flavor? Mouse flavor? Wounded sparrow flavor? Moth flavor? Crawling bug flavor? Dental floss and paper flavor? I never see this at the store and these flavors seem to me what would appeal to a cat (G*d knows my cats would get a job and buy their own cat food if they had Ass, Mouse, Moth and Dental Floss & paper flavor). So who is tasting this stuff to make sure it tastes like chicken, salmon, turkey & liver? And who is all this gourmet flavor crap for? It's not for the cats - little ass lickers. Is it for all the old homeless people eating cat food? If so, I think they need to do some formula changing, make it smell less like CAT FOOD and more like FOOD. And the 'Fun Shapes' should be something other than little fish, chicken legs x's and triangles - maybe little wine bottles or something. Yeah I know very insensitive of me, so what? I'm just wondering about this.

Planning For Passover

Passover starts in two weeks. We have invited a bunch of friends and some family (D). I just now realized I need to spend time selecting a menu. This is my favorite holiday to cook for. I love setting up a Seder plate. I love all the ritual around everything. I love the sentiment. I love the Exodus story.

Most of our friends are non-Jews (well all of them are) so I'll be procuring or making a Yarmulke's for the men. Since Super Girl is 5 now I am also going to try to make things that will be fun and entertaining for the little ones. In years past the entertaining part has been what exactly happens with the Afikomen one the little people find it. Generally it has involved large quantities of grape juice being spilled on my white table cloth causing the Afikomen to become a mushy mess - this is the signal to us that the little people are now ready for desert and bed. I'm going to do some things to lighten the mood for the adults as well - I doubt any of our friends have been to a Seder so might as well keep it light. Well I'm off to look up some recipes!

The Dumb-Ass Award Goes To...

This guy is such a moron. I wonder if this man was a relative of his.

Scary Veggies



The other night a friend told me that his son who is nearly the same age as Super Girl is afraid of Veggie Tales. This struck me as comical. Talking veggies. Scared of veggies who sing and dance and tell religiously themed stories. heh. What stuck me as even odder was that this little boy is even more fearless than Super Girl (who is afraid of hardly anything). But talking veggies scare him.

Liberator Me
(or how to turn one's bedroom into a porn set)

I've added this to my wish list. I'm not quite sure I'd really want this and surely not this, but maybe this.

***WARNING*** Not work safe links!

Sweet Somethings

XXXX is so sweet. He called me moments after I got home today. Made me smile.

Never In Your Own Bed

At 4 am this morning, while I was finishing up the dress. Super Girl came out of her room, down the stairs and told me she was sick and had thrown up. I told her to wake her daddy!

Today when speaking to K, he tells me that both girls ended up sleeping in his bed as Super Girl did in fact throw up - in her sister's bed! I started laughing so hard. I never thought of that one when I was a kid.

What A Fucking Whirl-Wind

Whew. I finished. I'm done. Well with MOST of it. A few minor details to take care of, but the majority of the costume is FINISHED. And in time. I stayed up until 4:30 am this morning finishing it. I can not believe the shit I've had to do to get this done. It's beautiful. I should have made her take a photo in it. I will later. I had to remake a major part of it and that pissed me off, that took too damn long. My ancient sewing machine is acting temperamental. I'm hoping it's just a phase - I still need to make a dress for Cabbage Patch to wear - I'll stick with any of my dresses I already have for now... Too bad though... I have some of the most beautiful fabric to make a dress with and it just pains me that I haven't used it yet.

I worked this morning I was up and out of the bed by about 7:15 am. Yes, really. I worked until 2:30 pm. I think I'll go nap now. I desperately need sleep. The good thing is that I made pretty good sales today and I stayed really busy so I didn't have any time to FEEL tired. Thank G*d for sugar and caffeine! I'd be a puddle right now if I didn't have that.

Things That Piss Me Off (today)

People who go out of their way to make other people's lives difficult.
People who think those who ask questions are idiots.
People who think they are smarter than EVERYONE else.
People who intentionally sabotage things for others.
People with a grudge.
People who still think high school popularity games are appropriate even though they have been out of high school for decades.
People who refuse to admit they are wrong.
People who do all this shit and it makes more work for me.
Fuckers.

Today

I'm in a mood to write today. I wish I was in a mood to do laundry or clean or paint or sew not write. I need to be doing all of those, not this. But THIS is what I'm in a mood to do. Silly me...

I Wish

I wish I'd told him one more time
I wish I'd looked him in the eye
I wish I'd held him close to me
I wish I'd whispered softly "I love you"
I wish he'd heard it in my arms
Next time, next time
I'll say it yet again
I'll look him in they eye as
I hold him close to me
Whisper softly "I love you'
As he lingers in my arms

I wish I'd held her one more time
I wish I'd felt her soft fur
I wish I'd heard her purr again
as she snuggled next to me
I wish I had trusted my gut that day
Next time, next time
Never came
Another cat to cuddle close
Another meow to wake me
Her purr is not the same
If only I had trusted my gut that day
I could have heard her purr again
So many tears for one little cat

I wish I'd held her hand once more
And made her laugh yet again
I wish I'd listened a little better
To memorize her every word
And captured her laughter in my head
I wish she wouldn't have lingered on
I wish for just one more good day
To share with laughter and play
How sad that she had to go
She was to young to leave for good
I was to young to say good bye mother.

I wish I'd smelled her little head
And held her tiny self one more time
I wish you'd slept so peacefully next to me
so I could breath in your baby scent yet again
I wish your chubby little legs
didn't grow long and tall so quick
I wish I could hear your funny baby laugh yet again
I love the little girl you are now
I just wish I could have one more baby kiss before you grow up

I wish I cold stop time
I'd hold him close and whisper "I love you"s
I'd stroke her fur and hear her purr
I'd make her laugh until she cried
I'd kiss that baby while she giggled

I close my eyes and make that wish
Then let it all go, it's time to move on
I'll hold him when I see him and hope he hears "I love you" from me
I'll take my little girl's hand and laugh
We'll plant seeds and hope for flowers very soon.

Wishes turn to hope
My sadness turns to smiles.

Visible Panty Lines

I was recently reading through a new magazine (new to me that is) and saw an article on panties, a three page article on panties and panty line. I could only read through less than half of it before I had the overwhelming urge to stick my finger down my throat and purge myself of the entire experience. But of course it's never that easy. The basic premise of the article is how panty lines are an absolute death sentence and wearing 'granny panties' is the most offensive thing one can do. I also gleaned from the article that anything NOT a thong is pretty much considered to be a 'granny panty'. I flipped to the end of the article (on my way to the next article) and saw a colorful and well put together chart of types of panties, how bad of a panty line they would cause and when it was appropriate to wear each. What The Fuck? The only people who seem to care about Visible Panty Lines (VPL) are women and quite frankly I don't dress for women. I don't give a flip if another woman sees my panty lines, bra strap or a run in my stockings. Men don't care about panty lines, if they are looking at an ass carefully enough to see panty lines, they generally are looking for reasons that have nothing to do with fashion (and those who are looking for fashion, well I'm just not interested in). I never consider VPL when I put on my panties, ever. Usually I consider if they match the bra and outfit, what I'm going to be wearing (skirt or pants) and what I'm going to be doing (movie or booty call). The most often thought out question in my mind while searching through my undie drawer is "Hmmm... Panties or no panties? I wonder if he'd like satin bikini, a thong or just nothing at all?" Never whether I have a panty line. Ever. Maybe I'm just out of the loop. If a woman is obsessing over her VPL I think maybe she doesn't have enough to do.

It's A Million Laughs Here

The little people have been in bed for quite a while. I just now went into my bath. As I walk in I see a toothbrush on the floor near the tub. It's a new toothbrush that earlier today had been in the kitchen on a counter in it's pristine packaging. I think "ah... Someone's been practicing their dental hygiene, that's okay," and pick up the toothbrush. I'm in the bath for a few minutes when I notice something sitting on the tub - a tube to be exact. I think "hmmm... I don't remember buying a new tube of toothpaste," and reach to fetch it off the tub. Then I realize what it is and start laughing.



One of my darling children was brushing their teeth with some lube! HAHAHAHAHAHA! (thank goodness it was a brand new, unopened, still in the box tube of lube though).

I think this makes me a bad mommy for laughing...

*Note* this is not my usual brand of lube - I usually stick with Astroglide, this tube was accidentally left by a house guest.

You are guided by the wind. You obey your impulses.
You are the kind of person that is always comng
up with ideas that would be fun, yet somewhat
destructive. (Rate my test)


What force is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla


funny... I figured I'd be fire.

How Does A 2 Year Old Win At Jenga?



Don't ask how or why, the answer is the same... she's 2.

(and yes there WAS milk in the carton when she did this *sigh* I think I need to explain the rules to her again, I don't remember the "Put all the blocks in a carton of milk while mommy is in the potty" rule...)

heh...

And Now For Something completely Different...

That last post was down right depressing! Yikes! I thought I'd share an e-mail I sent a friend about dinner I made last night.

Mine fine... I made dinner... Roast, salad and mashed potatoes and gravy. Sounds good right? Well it was HORRIBLE! HAHAHA! So I make the potatoes - instant potatoes because I absolutely hate peeling potatoes, I mean if I was ever stuck in a Turkish prison, peeling potatoes would be the perfect torture for me. I just hate it. My mother made mashed potatoes for my former stepfather every fucking night so I always had to peel potatoes. Not that it matters, I'm not a big fan of mashed potatoes anyway, I like the ones made at KFC best though with their gravy, but I prefer rice and gravy over potatoes and gravy any day... Oh where was I? Ah yeah, instant potatoes... So I'm making the potatoes and I put too much salt in - but I'm not totally sure it's too much, I think it is, but then in a moment of laziness I don't restart what I was doing and I go ahead and commit most of my potato flakes. After tasting the finished product I realize they are WAY to salty and make the remaining potatoes to kind of even out the salt (this is one BIG advantage to making mashed potatoes from instant... I'd have had to suffer with the REALLY-REALLY salty potatoes if not for the instant flakes...Which really didn't really matter anyway.... Keep reading) - this works some, still salty, but not inedible. I stir this all up as I microwave the gravy - yes yes I do make instant gravy also. I like it. My mom NEVER made instant brown gravy so it's like a delicacy to me. I hated my mom's gravy also, but I hated most of her cooking... That's why I learned to cook anyway, so I wouldn't have to eat her food. Oh yeah, back to the gravy, so I use the meat drippings to make the gravy - done it before and it's always been really good. I make everyone's plate then my own. The roast was cooked a little over done for my taste, but hey I like it pretty rare - it was still good. I sat down to eat and tasted the potatoes and gravy. The gravy was so freaking salty and with a combination of the salty potatoes it was completely inedible. Completely. I had lots of gravy on my plate as I like the gravy more than the potatoes. I also like gravy on my roast... So my roast was way to salty. I don't even know how that happened other than some sick sort of karmic balancing. The salad was good though... Hard to screw up a salad from a bag and salad dressing out of a bottle though... Yeah. AND to make things EVEN better... This is just the icing on the cake. Kent came home with a horrible sinus headache... These generally move to awful migraines. Part way through dinner he starts feeling nauseasous! He says from the headache, but hell I wouldn't have blamed him for if he had said it was the food! And the little ones... they ate all of their food. All of it. I make a tasty dinner and they pick at it, I over salt everything and they devour it. Just had to share, it was all so damn comical. Some days I feel like my life needs a laugh-track.

More About Me Than You Care To Know!

Sometimes I have to ask myself why I make things so damn difficult. In a conversation with XXXX yesterday I got very sarcastic. This he did not like, granted the sarcasm was directed at me it did indirectly make him seem to be a bad guy, which he most definitely is not. He told me it was hurtful. He was right. I felt bad for having said what I said and apologized. Then XXXX put me on the spot and asked why I got sarcastic and hurtful. The tears started immediately. I said that it was just how I grew up, everyone being sarcastic. I couldn’t give him an answer right away. I had to think (and cry). Why do I get sarcastic? Fear. Fear of rejection. Make sense? No? Well didn’t really to me either until I thought about it more – it all became really clear later last night (long after the uncomfortable conversation ended). I was able to tell XXXX that yesterday though, fear of rejection. It’s my safety mechanism when I think someone is going to reject me or leave me, I get sarcastic to try to lessen the blow. He pointed out that it really doesn’t work, which is true, but I convinced myself over the years it does.

If you’re curious about my psyche, keep reading – here’s a little family history. I was always a shy, sensitive kid – I think I got it from my father, the sensitive part – now I look at my youngest, Cabbage Patch, and I see that she’s very sensitive, thankfully not shy but a little on the sensitive side (what a pain I must have been to my mother). My parents divorced when I was 6. I took it very hard, took it very personally and was very hurt by it. I didn’t see my father for many, many years – but that’s a story for a different day. My mother made the horrible decision to move us (me and my sister) in with her mother, our grandmother. My grandmother is not a sympathetic woman, nor is she an understanding woman. Empathetic, kind, giving or sweet are also words not used to describe her. What she is mostly is tyrannical, selfish, manipulative, paranoid, pompous and a cruel dictator. Or at least she was. She’s changed over the years. At any rate, the decision to move us from the stability and love of our father to the instability (and I mean that in ALL ways possible), poverty and emotional abandonment of my grandmother was a fool hardy and idiotic one. One that we (my sister and I) would pay for. My sister and I learned quickly that we were at the very bottom of the list of priorities. Truly. The cats were considered well before we were. I remember a time when we got to watch the cats have dinner while our bellies were growling. No money to feed us, but let’s not make the precious little kitties suffer. This was (is) my grandmother’s mentality. The comfort of her furry beasts came well before the comfort of her own flesh and blood. A hard lesson and mean lesson for a child to learn. The next year was the year I was injured in a car accident due to my uncle’s blind anger and idiocy. This left me with scars. Years later I discovered that instead of my grandmother, my aunt and my mother being overly concerned about the child who had nearly died, they were more worried about concocting a story to cover for my uncle. They were more worried that my uncle would be at fault for the accident! Good L*ord! He WAS at fault! As I said I found this out later – it’s amazing what one can learn from an old police accident report and from talking to one of the police officers who responded to the call. Anyway, when I went back to school I was shunned by the other kids because I had scars on my face. My sister who was always protective of me, became even more so, thus making her also more of an outcast than we had previously been. My grandmother extended no sympathy to me and even went so far as to attempt to cover my scars in an attempt to alleviate her embarrassment of me not being perfect in yet another way. What did I learn? I learned now that love and acceptance was conditional. My conditions were that I be pretty (like my sister), thin (like my sister) and smart (like my sister). I was constantly reminded that I was NOT like my sister and was therefore inferior and not worthy of their love or attention. This was quite painful. I never hated my sister for it, I just wanted to be like her. I cried at night to look normal and to have my daddy – he always loved me. (Note* I realized later in life that my sister had it just as hard as I did and they rode her just as much as they did me). If I was upset because kids teased me at school I was told not to wear my heart on my sleeve and get over it (mean, but in retrospect it did help me make it through the tough times), if I cried for my daddy I was told that he was a son-of-a-bitch and to shut the hell up. If I cried for my mother (who was hardly ever there) I was told to shut the fuck up and stop being a baby. That was life. No one was allowed to have any kind of sad feelings except the adults. No one was allowed to cry. Our hurt feelings were never to be acknowledged as they did not matter. Even our happiness was orchestrated and measured. If we were too happy then someone was sure to change that. The only time I was ever happy was when I was with just my sister – which was a lot since we were latch key kids by then. But our happiness was cautious at best. We lived with the knowledge that whenever the adults returned our life would return to the abuse and neglect we were used to. Depending on the mood of the adults we would either be chastised for something, beaten or told to be quiet and go play. In our house children were to be seen and not heard – actually children were not really even to be seen unless it would benefit the adults somehow, otherwise we were to stay the fuck out of sight, shut the fuck up and don’t make a fucking mess. We got used to it. No one cared what we felt so best not to feel it. No one cared what we said so best to stay quiet. No one wanted to see us so best to not be there. We played outside as much as we possibly could because it meant there was little chance of accidentally enraging the adults and bringing down the wrath of our grandmother upon us. We learned to not trust the adults. Their moods were fickle and quick changing.

When I was 9 my mother hooked up with who would become out step-father. He seemed nice enough, but I didn’t trust him too much, he was an adult after all. He turned out to be not so bad. (later he did something that forever damaged the small amount of trust I did have in him – but that’s another story) His moods were not as volatile as everyone else’s and he seemed genuinely concerned with our happiness. And for all of his short comings he was. He tried harder than anyone else to make us happy and to let us be kids. He let us talk and played games with us. He actually valued us. This was new. And best of all he took us from grandmother and the other adults. Mother became a bit of a different person, oh deep down she was still the same, but since she wasn’t constantly the target of her own mother she was much eaiser to be around. We never had an easy life, poverty was always nipping at our toes, but things were better without grandmother around. About this same time that mother hooked up with her soon to be husband, my aunt hooked up with her future husband. He frightened me, almost more than grandmother. He was gruff and loud and swore a lot. He was also extremely sarcastic and caustic. A compliment was always somehow an insult. My soon to be step-father was also sarcastic though not as harshly as my future uncle. I learned from them. They still insulted me and ran me down, something which I wasn’t supposed to defend myself about – except if done with sarcasm. Sarcasm was my saving grace. I was allowed to banter with the hateful adults if I was being sarcastic. That was considered cute and witty. Sarcasm became my shield from their mean comments. Not that their barbs and insults didn’t hurt because they still stung, I could at least now deflect the damage and maybe, just maybe inflict a bit back to them. For some reason these morons respected that.

As I grew up I held on to that sarcasm. I used it when ever I felt threatened. I used it when ever anyone got to close to me – we moved a lot, it was easier to be sarcastic and funny than to let people know it hurt to say good bye. Things were never permanent in my life – that was one of the few things I could count on, nothing is permanent, no one stuck around and I had to be responsible for myself (my sister was gone by now – I was hoofing it alone). So the sarcasm is what I had to help me through. Not a great way to cope but that’s all I had ever learned.

Counseling later in life helped with learning to be happy (I am a pretty damn happy person, albeit a bit paranoid, obsessive and skeptical, but very happy and optimistic for the most part).

Fast forward to now. I have a great guy as a lover. XXXX is absolutely wonderful. And that scares me. I have a lot of feelings for him. And that scares me. I love the man. And that terrifies me. Why? Because life is just not certain, the future is unsure, nothing is stationary… Okay, really? I worry that it won’t last, that he doesn’t love me, that he’ll find someone better that he likes more than me, that I’m not pretty enough or smart enough for him, that I’m not good enough, that I don’t deserve this euphoric feeling I get when I’m with him, that he’ll find out something about me and run like hell, that it’s all a dream and I’ll wake. Has he done anything to make me doubt his feelings or interest? No, quite the contrary. So why was I so damn sarcastic yesterday? Why did I say things to hurt him? I must have no social skills. I am so much trouble for this man, I honestly wouldn’t not blame him for calling things off – I don’t want him to, but I don’t know that I’d blame him.

So anyway, he doesn’t like my sarcasm and quite frankly after realizing how biting it really is, I’m not all that fond of it either. I need to work on stopping it. That and not being so paranoid with XXXX. Gotta take things one day at a time. Sigh

And that concludes the tour of Judy’s psyche, tune in next time when we explore her relationship with her mother and how that colors her own views of motherhood.

Sew Good!

I am back! I have finished part (most) of my sister's ren costume. I'm quite pleased with the outcome. It's a fabulous dress. Take a look:


It's a work of satin and silk. I still have the sleeves to complete and a few other things to tweek on it. I'll post more pics when it's all complete.

I'm hoping I can complete at least one more costume for her before the deadline (which is in two weeks) - so I may not be on much. Also I need to make a dress for Cabbage Patch to wear to my cousin's wedding on the 24th - Super Girl has a lovely pink satin dress so I need something to match or coordinate (yes I do match/coordinate my kids on a regular basis - they can hate me for it later). Going to be a busy time for me. As I also want to make a new dress for myself to wear! (I just need some new sexy clothes thats all).

Must go now. My house is desperatly in need of a good cleaning and de-crapping.