Day One Of Spring Break
AKA – Hell At The Hands Of The Tiny Terrorists
7:30 am – Awakened by small children gleefully screaming for my consciousness. Note to self, must explain to them that 7:30 am is not considered SLEEPING IN, it’s just considered waking up late.
7:35 am – Question offspring as to why she’s naked, look at her questioningly when she babbles something at me, then tell her to just get dressed as I walk to the kitchen to make breakfast.
7:40 am – Walk upstairs to ask K why he’s still at home since it’s almost 8 am!! Tell offspring to put on clothes again, tell other progeny to put the cat down.
7:41 am – Walk down the stairs while muttering ancient voodoo curses aimed toward K because he doesn’t have to be at work until 10:30am and he’s still SLEEPING. Consider sending offspring up to play with Daddy. Tell naked offspring to GET DRESSED NOW. Smack other progeny on the back of the head and free cat from her clutches amid her LOUD protests.
7:42 am – Remember breakfast when the smell of burning pancakes enters my nose. Swear loudly and run to kitchen. Announce that the black pancake is for DADDY with a giggle then wash out pan and start over.
7:43 am – Tell offspring they CAN play games on the lap top just so I don’t have to hear them scream at each other anymore or torture the poor cat. Decide that a towel wrapped around the naked offspring is close enough to clothes and go back to kitchen to finish making pancakes.
7:45 am – Tell offspring to start setting the table as I put rock hard margarine in the microwave for 10 seconds to soften it. Pour more batter in pan.
7:46 am – Remember now liquidified margarine in nuker, snap open door and proceed to spill half of the margarine in microwave, down my arm and on cooking pancake. Repeat the swearing loudly.
7:47 am – Tell offspring to set the table AGAIN. Flip more pancakes, wonder why they are sticking, curse self for not just making WAFFLES… or cereal… cereal would be made by now. Done. No standing in the kitchen. Ponder my sanity and lack of sleep due to preschooler in my bed at 3 am.
8:00 am – Threaten progeny into setting the damn table. Return to kitchen to get plates of pancakes and glasses of milk.
8:05 am – Remember bacon damn it! Start turkey bacon in microwave while eating pancake standing in kitchen.
8:08 am – Tell progeny to NOT TOUCH THE CAT with syrup on their hands.
8:10 am – Retrieve bacon from microwave – nothing like the smell of turkey bacon. Go to pass out the bacon and be shocked that pancakes are completely consumed. Whatever, return to kitchen for coffee.
8:15 am – Tell offspring to stop fighting and to NOT TOUCH MY COMPUTER with their syrupy cat fur covered hands. Tell them to pick up dishes in tone that makes them ACTUALLY do it. Return to kitchen for coffee. Think of how much I hate the school system for SPRING BREAK.
8:20 am – Remove cat from progenies’ hands. Absorb evil eye being directed at me from syrup sticky cat and tell offspring to take a bath. Return to kitchen for coffee… maybe it’ll get made this time.
8:21 am – Pick up explosion of clothes (and towel) in living room from excited for a bath progeny. Ponder why they aren’t still sleeping. Listen as they start the bath water. Take a moment to Hate K for still sleeping.
8:25 am – Pray the floor is dry in the bathroom as I go check on bath progress. See both offspring and the entire Barbie population in tub. Tell progeny to stop washing Babies’ hair with my body wash. Roll up eyes, walk out of bathroom to read news and drink coffee. Oh yes coffee! Must make coffee! Consider making voodoo dolls of school officials as retribution for SPRING BREAK.
8:26 am – Hear splashing from bathroom that fill my soul with dread. Walk back to bathroom and discover offspring and Barbies reenacting the sinking of Atlantis. Feel headache starting. Throw down towels to sop up mess, repeat threats to offspring. Head to laundry room for more towels.
8:30 am – Sit down to read news and curse school system for stupid fucking spring break.
8:40 am – After 5th trip to the bathroom to tell progeny to quiet down, remove them bodily from bath and instruct them to find clothes.
8:41 – 8:50 am – Repeat instructions to GET DRESSED. Repeat hating K for sleeping in. Repeat curses to school system. Damn Spring Break!
8:51 am – Remove naked offspring from banister and DRESS them. Consider Valium cookies for them. Consider heavy drinking for me.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Cupcake Kisses
Nothing like half a tube of sparkly cupcake scented lip gloss smeared liberally on and around the lips of a 4 year old to totally put one off that particular tube of lip care product. And by put off I mean to make ones skin crawl at the very thought of (and attempt by) the above mentioned pre-schooler planting a big wet, sticky smootch on any exposed area of skin, making one smile fakely while wipeing said concoction from one’s body and deflecting pre-schooler by suggesting that the cat NEEDS a sparkly kiss. Yes, I am going to Hell. At least I won’t be suffering from a sparky lipgloss induced hallucination today.
Nothing like half a tube of sparkly cupcake scented lip gloss smeared liberally on and around the lips of a 4 year old to totally put one off that particular tube of lip care product. And by put off I mean to make ones skin crawl at the very thought of (and attempt by) the above mentioned pre-schooler planting a big wet, sticky smootch on any exposed area of skin, making one smile fakely while wipeing said concoction from one’s body and deflecting pre-schooler by suggesting that the cat NEEDS a sparkly kiss. Yes, I am going to Hell. At least I won’t be suffering from a sparky lipgloss induced hallucination today.
Randomness
I’m not dead, I’m just not getting online and when I am online I’m not visible and I’m not writing any pithy or witty or interesting because I’m not in that mood. I’m just here kind of crouched in the corner of the internet, watching but not being seen. Why? Fuck if I know. Maybe I need Prozac. Take up a collection, send me fun drugs. Or Coffee. And hot men.
Spring Break
Who’s this break for anyway? How I hate school holidays. Where exactly are my tax dollars going if my kid has a week out of every month off?? Well not quite, but it SEEMS like that. Year round school, that’s what I’m pulling for.Anyway, tomorrow starts my misery… er.. Spring Break! Tomorrow I’m looking forward to sleeping in, yet I can almost guarantee that one or both of the Tiny Terrorists will be up at or before 6:30 am making my life hell. Yea team. Last night they were in rare form. I suppose in preparation for the upcoming madness. Perhaps just because they were possessed by demonic spirits. Could be that they were being controlled by alien beings out to make my life hell. More likely they were just being BAD because their father wasn’t home. Yes. Lucky me. K had a test of some sort of useless mathematical shit to take and I had to use the whips and chains to subdue Chaos and Destruction as I threatened to remove their very existance from public record and memory just like the KGB. My threats and pleas were barely noticed as they continued their mission of terror. They were finally in bed a mere 10 minutes prior to K arriving home (an hour after he had told me to anticipate his arrival) after the 10 minutes of whineing and crying because of my steadfast refusal to walk up the stairs to tuck them in. I know, I’m such an ogre. Fuck off, my ankle is better but it still hurts to walk up and down stairs.
Coffe, Tea or Insanity?
Last night I didn’t make it out of the house early enough to make it to karaoke so Porn Star, Kermit and I went to Wally World then off to IHOP for coffee and insanity. We had three waiters last night. Shawn, Farm Boy and Smart Ass. It was fabulous. Shawn was training Farm Boy and Smart Ass was just being entertaining. We finally left as it was nearly 2 am (or was it after?) and Porn Star and I had consumed 3 pots of coffee between us. She swore she could feel her own heart beat and I knew I was about to vibrate into a parallel universe if I had even ONE more cup of coffee. All in all, a fabulous night.
Tasty Things and Not So Tasty Things
I had a Healthy Choice French Bread Pizza for lunch. Yuck. I didn’t enjoy it. But I bought it and since I spent the money it on it and it wasn’t just absolute ass, I had to eat it. Well that and the fact that we are out of bread, out of jelly, out of milk and I was just out of luck as far as lunch goes. It wasn’t very good Not very tasty.
But I did find something that is rather tasty. I found a tube of one of the Little People’s Lip Smacker lip gloss. It smells like cake frosting and makes me want to eat the whole tube, yet I know that it wouldn’t taste like fabulous cake frosting, probably just mildly sweet wax. Now I can’t stop thinking of cupcakes. I fear I may eat my lips by the end of the day.
Okay, I’m done. Shoo now. The burst of insanity is done. Move along, nothing to see here. Come back later and see if I’ve said anything impressive or witty or pithy… or if I’ve given in to my urge to eat the lip gloss and am hallucinating from the pretty sparkles in it.
I’m not dead, I’m just not getting online and when I am online I’m not visible and I’m not writing any pithy or witty or interesting because I’m not in that mood. I’m just here kind of crouched in the corner of the internet, watching but not being seen. Why? Fuck if I know. Maybe I need Prozac. Take up a collection, send me fun drugs. Or Coffee. And hot men.
Spring Break
Who’s this break for anyway? How I hate school holidays. Where exactly are my tax dollars going if my kid has a week out of every month off?? Well not quite, but it SEEMS like that. Year round school, that’s what I’m pulling for.Anyway, tomorrow starts my misery… er.. Spring Break! Tomorrow I’m looking forward to sleeping in, yet I can almost guarantee that one or both of the Tiny Terrorists will be up at or before 6:30 am making my life hell. Yea team. Last night they were in rare form. I suppose in preparation for the upcoming madness. Perhaps just because they were possessed by demonic spirits. Could be that they were being controlled by alien beings out to make my life hell. More likely they were just being BAD because their father wasn’t home. Yes. Lucky me. K had a test of some sort of useless mathematical shit to take and I had to use the whips and chains to subdue Chaos and Destruction as I threatened to remove their very existance from public record and memory just like the KGB. My threats and pleas were barely noticed as they continued their mission of terror. They were finally in bed a mere 10 minutes prior to K arriving home (an hour after he had told me to anticipate his arrival) after the 10 minutes of whineing and crying because of my steadfast refusal to walk up the stairs to tuck them in. I know, I’m such an ogre. Fuck off, my ankle is better but it still hurts to walk up and down stairs.
Coffe, Tea or Insanity?
Last night I didn’t make it out of the house early enough to make it to karaoke so Porn Star, Kermit and I went to Wally World then off to IHOP for coffee and insanity. We had three waiters last night. Shawn, Farm Boy and Smart Ass. It was fabulous. Shawn was training Farm Boy and Smart Ass was just being entertaining. We finally left as it was nearly 2 am (or was it after?) and Porn Star and I had consumed 3 pots of coffee between us. She swore she could feel her own heart beat and I knew I was about to vibrate into a parallel universe if I had even ONE more cup of coffee. All in all, a fabulous night.
Tasty Things and Not So Tasty Things
I had a Healthy Choice French Bread Pizza for lunch. Yuck. I didn’t enjoy it. But I bought it and since I spent the money it on it and it wasn’t just absolute ass, I had to eat it. Well that and the fact that we are out of bread, out of jelly, out of milk and I was just out of luck as far as lunch goes. It wasn’t very good Not very tasty.
But I did find something that is rather tasty. I found a tube of one of the Little People’s Lip Smacker lip gloss. It smells like cake frosting and makes me want to eat the whole tube, yet I know that it wouldn’t taste like fabulous cake frosting, probably just mildly sweet wax. Now I can’t stop thinking of cupcakes. I fear I may eat my lips by the end of the day.
Okay, I’m done. Shoo now. The burst of insanity is done. Move along, nothing to see here. Come back later and see if I’ve said anything impressive or witty or pithy… or if I’ve given in to my urge to eat the lip gloss and am hallucinating from the pretty sparkles in it.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
Monday Quiz Space Filler!
How true, how true.
| Your Stripper Song Is |
 The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang "Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about" When it comes to dancing, you let your freak flag fly! |
How true, how true.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Fat Ankle
This kind of shit only happens to me… Today as I was walking out of work, I sprained my ankle. Just walking, that’s all. RIGHT outside work. I swear I couldn’t have gone more than 30 steps out the door when it happened. LUCKILY K was there with me (with Tiny Terrorist in tow – in disguise as two mentally challenged circus monkeys dressed as clowns, he let them dress themselves) to drive me home . I thought I was going to chum right there as I stood there waiting for him to get the car though. It hurts, I’ll be fine, it just hurts.
The last time I sprained my ankle outside work it was much worse – yes I’ve done this before. My children are doomed! Doomed I tell you! Their father is a klutz also. Poor Super Girl has inherited out fucked up genetic predisposition to being a klutz too. She can trip over nothing (just like me). I silently apologize for that every time I see that kid trip.
Anyway, I’m medicated and heading off to elevate my ankle while taking a nap.
This kind of shit only happens to me… Today as I was walking out of work, I sprained my ankle. Just walking, that’s all. RIGHT outside work. I swear I couldn’t have gone more than 30 steps out the door when it happened. LUCKILY K was there with me (with Tiny Terrorist in tow – in disguise as two mentally challenged circus monkeys dressed as clowns, he let them dress themselves) to drive me home . I thought I was going to chum right there as I stood there waiting for him to get the car though. It hurts, I’ll be fine, it just hurts.
The last time I sprained my ankle outside work it was much worse – yes I’ve done this before. My children are doomed! Doomed I tell you! Their father is a klutz also. Poor Super Girl has inherited out fucked up genetic predisposition to being a klutz too. She can trip over nothing (just like me). I silently apologize for that every time I see that kid trip.
Anyway, I’m medicated and heading off to elevate my ankle while taking a nap.
Friday, March 03, 2006
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. – Fortune Cookie.
I really want to see a change in the pollution in the air that is eating the ozone, so I guess I had better stop farting.
I just had some fabulous Chinese food. My face is melting and my eyeballs are on fire, so it’s a good thing that my nose is running so very much, it may keep my hair from igniting.
I loves me some HOT and SPICY Chinese food. In fact that’s about the ONLY kind of Chinese food that I do like. I like it to the extreme. So very hot that it could cause brain damage, that the very smell of it causes nose hairs to become crinkly and singed, so hot that my freezer defrosts from the left overs. It’s a sickness really, if I order it hot and there is a little jar of super hot oil on the table, I WILL put it on my food prior to even tasting it. It’s crazy… because I know that not long into my sleep cycle I will be awakened with the nastiest and most painful case of reflux despite the extra acid blockers taken prior to ingesting the nuclear waste. AND even though I will have had this awful reflux, I will probably have this for breakfast tomorrow. Ahhh life is good!
I really want to see a change in the pollution in the air that is eating the ozone, so I guess I had better stop farting.
I just had some fabulous Chinese food. My face is melting and my eyeballs are on fire, so it’s a good thing that my nose is running so very much, it may keep my hair from igniting.
I loves me some HOT and SPICY Chinese food. In fact that’s about the ONLY kind of Chinese food that I do like. I like it to the extreme. So very hot that it could cause brain damage, that the very smell of it causes nose hairs to become crinkly and singed, so hot that my freezer defrosts from the left overs. It’s a sickness really, if I order it hot and there is a little jar of super hot oil on the table, I WILL put it on my food prior to even tasting it. It’s crazy… because I know that not long into my sleep cycle I will be awakened with the nastiest and most painful case of reflux despite the extra acid blockers taken prior to ingesting the nuclear waste. AND even though I will have had this awful reflux, I will probably have this for breakfast tomorrow. Ahhh life is good!
The Fun Just NEVER ENDS!
Mid day see seems fine. She naps her normal amount of time and seems okay. Then about 4 pm after she complains about her tummy hurting again, this time it seems quite sincere and not her normal Drama Queen act, instead of wanting to be held or getting special attention, she just wants to be left alone. 4:30 pm I start considering looking for coverage for work tomorrow instead of a baby sitter. K and I banter back and forth about what to do. 4:45 pm she stands up and chums right on the floor. Nothing like scrubbing vomit off the floor.
Well that settles the question of whether to take them to an actual DAY CARE for the weekend. Not only would it cost too much $80-90 for Saturday alone, but with a kid who might still be checkin’ the tires, it just wouldn’t work. Ahh, but ALL is not lost. My Bitch Petey has just earned himself some free garb. He will not only come GET the Tiny Terrorists but he will watch them tomorrow while K and I both work.
*update* Shit! It's like the fucking Exorcist! She just did it AGAIN!!! Where the hell did that come from!
*note:I totally stole the intersting phrasing for vomiting from my new favorite blog Living In A Dream. Go check her out, she's so fucking cool I wish she lived in town so we could get drunk together.
Mid day see seems fine. She naps her normal amount of time and seems okay. Then about 4 pm after she complains about her tummy hurting again, this time it seems quite sincere and not her normal Drama Queen act, instead of wanting to be held or getting special attention, she just wants to be left alone. 4:30 pm I start considering looking for coverage for work tomorrow instead of a baby sitter. K and I banter back and forth about what to do. 4:45 pm she stands up and chums right on the floor. Nothing like scrubbing vomit off the floor.
Well that settles the question of whether to take them to an actual DAY CARE for the weekend. Not only would it cost too much $80-90 for Saturday alone, but with a kid who might still be checkin’ the tires, it just wouldn’t work. Ahh, but ALL is not lost. My Bitch Petey has just earned himself some free garb. He will not only come GET the Tiny Terrorists but he will watch them tomorrow while K and I both work.
*update* Shit! It's like the fucking Exorcist! She just did it AGAIN!!! Where the hell did that come from!
*note:I totally stole the intersting phrasing for vomiting from my new favorite blog Living In A Dream. Go check her out, she's so fucking cool I wish she lived in town so we could get drunk together.
Friday Fun
Fun things of this morning:
3:30 am wake up by Cabbage Patch telling me her tummy hurt.
4 am wake up by my stomach because I was hungry
4:01 am realize that Cabbage Patch’s hurting tummy is probably just her being hungry, share a packet of Pop Tarts with her
4:18 am back to bed
6:15 am wake up to alarm stupidly set early by me, try to snooze until 6:30 am
6:20 am wake up to Super Girl super girl opening the door – everybody up!
6:20-7:30 am argue with offspring about leaving the exercise ball alone, eating their breakfast (a freaking Pop Tart! What kid has to be TOLD to eat a Pop Tart??), finding their own damn clothes to wear and getting dressed.
7:31 am discover a child induced baby powder snow storm has occurred in my bathroom and question the usual suspects.
7: 40 am shove kids out the door to take Super Girl to the bus stop (thank heavens at least ONE is in school all day!)
7:47 am wave by to Super Girl and drag Cabbage Patch back home
8:15 am listen to Cabbage Patch tell me about her hurting tummy again and realize that her eating so much macaroni and cheese and no veggies in the past couple of days means she probably needs to take a poop!
8:25 am can we say suppository?? Question why, oh why did this have to happen on MY WATCH? Why can’t it be her daddy having to deal with a constipated pre-schooler?
9 am putting in Sleeping Beauty for Cabbage Patch to watch while she lounges on the couch being a prima donna.
Okay, whatever, I’m tired just writing that. Thank goodness for nap time. Today is absolutely beautiful. I can’t wait to drag the offspring around the park a few times today.
This FABULOUS new job that K has is now posing new challenges – he’ll be working Saturdays until the end of tax season so now I have the fabulous task of trying to find someone to watch my progeny while we both work on Saturday. Ahhh what fun! Any volunteers? How would YOU like to have a fun filled day with MY offspring? *sound of crickets chirping* Yeah, that’s what I thought. My boss is going to have a cerebral hemorrhage if I can’t work tomorrow. *sigh*
Okay, enough whining – I’ll write something more coherent later, must work out now.
I'll leave you with a little something to make you smirk all day - Check out what Steven Segal is doing these days. Some peole just aren't ageing well. Gotta love this too!
Fun things of this morning:
3:30 am wake up by Cabbage Patch telling me her tummy hurt.
4 am wake up by my stomach because I was hungry
4:01 am realize that Cabbage Patch’s hurting tummy is probably just her being hungry, share a packet of Pop Tarts with her
4:18 am back to bed
6:15 am wake up to alarm stupidly set early by me, try to snooze until 6:30 am
6:20 am wake up to Super Girl super girl opening the door – everybody up!
6:20-7:30 am argue with offspring about leaving the exercise ball alone, eating their breakfast (a freaking Pop Tart! What kid has to be TOLD to eat a Pop Tart??), finding their own damn clothes to wear and getting dressed.
7:31 am discover a child induced baby powder snow storm has occurred in my bathroom and question the usual suspects.
7: 40 am shove kids out the door to take Super Girl to the bus stop (thank heavens at least ONE is in school all day!)
7:47 am wave by to Super Girl and drag Cabbage Patch back home
8:15 am listen to Cabbage Patch tell me about her hurting tummy again and realize that her eating so much macaroni and cheese and no veggies in the past couple of days means she probably needs to take a poop!
8:25 am can we say suppository?? Question why, oh why did this have to happen on MY WATCH? Why can’t it be her daddy having to deal with a constipated pre-schooler?
9 am putting in Sleeping Beauty for Cabbage Patch to watch while she lounges on the couch being a prima donna.
Okay, whatever, I’m tired just writing that. Thank goodness for nap time. Today is absolutely beautiful. I can’t wait to drag the offspring around the park a few times today.
This FABULOUS new job that K has is now posing new challenges – he’ll be working Saturdays until the end of tax season so now I have the fabulous task of trying to find someone to watch my progeny while we both work on Saturday. Ahhh what fun! Any volunteers? How would YOU like to have a fun filled day with MY offspring? *sound of crickets chirping* Yeah, that’s what I thought. My boss is going to have a cerebral hemorrhage if I can’t work tomorrow. *sigh*
Okay, enough whining – I’ll write something more coherent later, must work out now.
I'll leave you with a little something to make you smirk all day - Check out what Steven Segal is doing these days. Some peole just aren't ageing well. Gotta love this too!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Coping out with a quiz!
Aren't you lucky!
Funny thing is I love Horror movies and I found myself hoping that I'd be either Jason, Freddy or Michael. Yeah I know I have issues.
Aren't you lucky!
 | You scored as Jason Voorhees. You are Jason Voorhees. You werent liked much as a child. All you wanted was to let your Mom raise you right. However after you died a watery death in Camp Crystal Lake, your Mom tried to take revenge, in which she too died a horrible decapitation. Now you will go on forever, seeking revenge! You may have the highest kill count in horror, but you arent all bad. You just love your mother!
Which Horror Killer are You? created with QuizFarm.com |
Funny thing is I love Horror movies and I found myself hoping that I'd be either Jason, Freddy or Michael. Yeah I know I have issues.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Fish Facts
Super Girl informed me today that she learned about fish today. A certain kind of fish. A SMACKER fish. To which I replied with giggles and playfully smacking her on the head and asking if it was a smacker like that. (Yeah I know you are shocked that someone with such low maturity is allowed to raise children.) The more she described the fish the more I was certain that she was mistaken by the name, yet when I asked her if the fish might be a sucker fish (as in an algae eater) she was adamant that it WAS a SMACKER fish. She went on to tell me about how she learned about snapping turtles and I asked her if may she meant a SNAPPER not a SMACKER – again, her insistence that it’s a SMACKER FISH. More giggling on my part.
If any of you can find me a photo (real one fuckers) of a SMACKER fish, I’m sure the offspring would burst with joy at being able to prove me wrong.
Super Girl informed me today that she learned about fish today. A certain kind of fish. A SMACKER fish. To which I replied with giggles and playfully smacking her on the head and asking if it was a smacker like that. (Yeah I know you are shocked that someone with such low maturity is allowed to raise children.) The more she described the fish the more I was certain that she was mistaken by the name, yet when I asked her if the fish might be a sucker fish (as in an algae eater) she was adamant that it WAS a SMACKER fish. She went on to tell me about how she learned about snapping turtles and I asked her if may she meant a SNAPPER not a SMACKER – again, her insistence that it’s a SMACKER FISH. More giggling on my part.
If any of you can find me a photo (real one fuckers) of a SMACKER fish, I’m sure the offspring would burst with joy at being able to prove me wrong.
Happy Fat Tuesday
I’m making gumbo and a King Cake for tonight. Although I don’t have a baby to put in the King Cake, so I may have to stuff a severed Barbie head in the cake to make do. I know, I know, the hair will make the cake taste funny so I’m fully prepared to use a Ken Doll head instead. Or maybe I’ll use a My Little Pony head and we can do it all Godfather like. Could be interesting if one of the Little People get it. Anyway, there should be massive amounts of leftovers of gumbo, if you want some… let me know. ;)
Sowing My Seeds
I went to buy seeds last night and there were none. This store carries a huge section of gardening things, but they don’t carry seeds! Last year they had a massive section of just SEEDS, but not this year. So no seeds. I realize it would be much more logical for me just to buy dirt and fill planters and leave it at that instead of my usual activities that involve me planting and nurturing only to be deeply disappointed at the lack of growing ability I possess. But NO, I will not be deterred from my pointless endeavor. It’s a tradition!
Club Choice
Saturday I was presented with a difficult choice – I was supposed to go game but mid day I was invited to go have girls night with my friends. Oh what a choice, to get my geek on or to get my freak on. I chose the club as we hadn’t been out since October! Luckily for me I still remembered how to dress like a slut and drink until drunk. The club was packed as there was some Mardi Gras celebration going on that night. The funniest thing was La SEG’s evil twin finding us then her talking like they were best friends from way back! It was funny and creepy – this chick just needed to dye her hair black and she would have completed the ‘twin’ look.
Anyway, I didn’t feel to bad about ditching a game because I had yet another game to be at on Sunday. I had to have balance ya know. My clubbing yin to my gaming yang. It’s all good.
I’m making gumbo and a King Cake for tonight. Although I don’t have a baby to put in the King Cake, so I may have to stuff a severed Barbie head in the cake to make do. I know, I know, the hair will make the cake taste funny so I’m fully prepared to use a Ken Doll head instead. Or maybe I’ll use a My Little Pony head and we can do it all Godfather like. Could be interesting if one of the Little People get it. Anyway, there should be massive amounts of leftovers of gumbo, if you want some… let me know. ;)
Sowing My Seeds
I went to buy seeds last night and there were none. This store carries a huge section of gardening things, but they don’t carry seeds! Last year they had a massive section of just SEEDS, but not this year. So no seeds. I realize it would be much more logical for me just to buy dirt and fill planters and leave it at that instead of my usual activities that involve me planting and nurturing only to be deeply disappointed at the lack of growing ability I possess. But NO, I will not be deterred from my pointless endeavor. It’s a tradition!
Club Choice
Saturday I was presented with a difficult choice – I was supposed to go game but mid day I was invited to go have girls night with my friends. Oh what a choice, to get my geek on or to get my freak on. I chose the club as we hadn’t been out since October! Luckily for me I still remembered how to dress like a slut and drink until drunk. The club was packed as there was some Mardi Gras celebration going on that night. The funniest thing was La SEG’s evil twin finding us then her talking like they were best friends from way back! It was funny and creepy – this chick just needed to dye her hair black and she would have completed the ‘twin’ look.
Anyway, I didn’t feel to bad about ditching a game because I had yet another game to be at on Sunday. I had to have balance ya know. My clubbing yin to my gaming yang. It’s all good.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Movies To Nap By
Hi! It’s Monday! Monday is my fuck off day. No post today because I spent the whole day laying on the couch sleeping through movies as my offspring surfed the net (Thank GAWD for Net Nanny!).
I’ve been doing a lot of sleeping lately and plan to do more in just a moment, I just felt like letting you all know that I’m not dead, I’m just in sloth mode and am being very, very lazy. It’s even an effort to type this to you, but because I love each and every one of you so very, very much I felt that I should make this tiny effort before going back to sleep.
I did make blueberry pancakes for lunch today though. My accomplishment of the day!
Note: This is all a complete and total lie… except for the part about loving each and every one of you… and the blueberry pancakes. Will post more tomorrow when time permits… Busy weekend, must to write. Must sleep now. Damn that PMS and my lack of chocolate! Send chocolate if you love me!
Hi! It’s Monday! Monday is my fuck off day. No post today because I spent the whole day laying on the couch sleeping through movies as my offspring surfed the net (Thank GAWD for Net Nanny!).
I’ve been doing a lot of sleeping lately and plan to do more in just a moment, I just felt like letting you all know that I’m not dead, I’m just in sloth mode and am being very, very lazy. It’s even an effort to type this to you, but because I love each and every one of you so very, very much I felt that I should make this tiny effort before going back to sleep.
I did make blueberry pancakes for lunch today though. My accomplishment of the day!
Note: This is all a complete and total lie… except for the part about loving each and every one of you… and the blueberry pancakes. Will post more tomorrow when time permits… Busy weekend, must to write. Must sleep now. Damn that PMS and my lack of chocolate! Send chocolate if you love me!
Friday, February 24, 2006
Heard Wrong Just Now
Just talking to my Bitch Petey on the phone, he THOUGHT I said “Todays K’s lesbian rain day.” What I SAID was “Todays K’s last day of training.” Then we both laughed and he said something about not really knowing and that it just made him wonder what K was doing with the Stonewall Democrats these days to which I responded “Well it is raining today, ya never know.”
Just talking to my Bitch Petey on the phone, he THOUGHT I said “Todays K’s lesbian rain day.” What I SAID was “Todays K’s last day of training.” Then we both laughed and he said something about not really knowing and that it just made him wonder what K was doing with the Stonewall Democrats these days to which I responded “Well it is raining today, ya never know.”
Why Should I Be Surprised? She Is My Kid After All
As I did the dishes I could hear Cabbage Patch busily moving her small kid sized furniture around and each of my inquirers as to WHAT she was doing were answered with “Playing!”
After dishes were safely in the dishwasher (and not in a blazing pile on the front porch with me standing to the side roasting marshmallows as my gut instinct suggested I do) I walked into the living room to see Cabbage Patch in a ballet leotard jumping from her table to a chair with stuffed animals placed on the floor around her like her audience. I cringed and told her to STOP IT NOW.
I truly don’t understand why her father dislikes me referring to her as a crazy circus midget.
As I did the dishes I could hear Cabbage Patch busily moving her small kid sized furniture around and each of my inquirers as to WHAT she was doing were answered with “Playing!”
After dishes were safely in the dishwasher (and not in a blazing pile on the front porch with me standing to the side roasting marshmallows as my gut instinct suggested I do) I walked into the living room to see Cabbage Patch in a ballet leotard jumping from her table to a chair with stuffed animals placed on the floor around her like her audience. I cringed and told her to STOP IT NOW.
I truly don’t understand why her father dislikes me referring to her as a crazy circus midget.
No Really, He’s Not A Jewish Mother
No one can guilt me quite like my father. I absolutely love but I completely dread his phone calls. And sadly I actively avoid them. (Actually I actively avoid phone calls from MOST of my family, but Dad is at the top of this esteemed list.) And that makes the guilt that much worse. By the time I DO take his phone call or break down and call him, it’s been a year and I realize that I’ve not called him for Father’s day… and his birthday… and the holidays… and that I really, really suck. Though I do have good reasons to NOT call, mostly it’s the GUILT (even when I was a frequent caller, the guilt was laid on pretty thick) and the fact that he can hardly hear me! I know that I speak softly but this man is nearly DEAF! So why call??? (Oh stop glaring at me, when was the last time you talked to your dad?)
This is part of how our last conversation went:
*ring!* *ring!* *ring!*
Me: Hello
Him: Hi Judy…
Me: Hi Daddy!
Him: it’s daddy. I haven’t heard from you in a while...
Me: *cringing from the guilt*
Him: I just thought I’d call and see how everybody was, since you never call…
Me: *shrinking down in chair from guilt* we are find daddy.
Him: What?
Me: *speaking louder* WE ARE FINE DADDY!
Him: Ahhh… okay, well I was just wondering, ‘cuz you never call…
Me: *rolling eyes* Yes, yes, I know. Terribly busy, ya know.
Him: WHAT?
Me: SORRY, BEEN BUSY!
Him: Yeah, yeah, I been busy. Your sister and her husband are getting their own house and moving out the end of this week.
Me: FINALLY! *they’ve lived off my dad for the past 10 years! It’s time they and their evil children moved the fuck out!*
Him: WHAT?
Me: *shouting into the phone* I SAID THAT’S GOOD!
Him: Oh yeah it’s good. About time they got out of my house. I’m disabled after all!...
Me: *snickering as he rambles on*
Him: *after 45 minutes of droning on about the family and his awful wife* So I just wanted to call because you never call.
Me: *ugh! Not the guilt!* Sorry! Sorry about that! I just don’t call because you can never hear me!
Him: WHAT?
Me: *shouting and cupping the phone to muffle any outside noise* I SAID, I DON’T CALL BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER HEAR ME!
Him: Oh, I can hear you fine.
Me: *slamming phone into forehead* I LOVE YOU DADDY!
Him: I love you too baby. Bye-bye.
I love him, but damn it’s exhausting to talk to him. What with all the avoidance I do, the actually CONVERSATION is excruciating. I’d e-mail him but my daddy has a really bad habit of replying to all of my e-mails with “I love you, love daddy”.
Anyway, I should be guilt free from him for at least another 6 months.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Reports Of My Death Are Greatly Exaggerated!
Dearest Internet;
How could you leave me? Really HOW? I know I didn’t get you a fancy Valentine or a huge box of chocolates, but you KNOW I love you… I NEED you. You KNOW I need you! In the middle of the night who do I go to when I can’t sleep? First thing in the morning where do I go before even getting coffee? You internet! YOU! And yet you STILL left me.
I was angry at first then sad. Sad and lonely. After my cursing and stomping and checking all the usual places for you, I just lie on the sofa rejected and empty. I couldn’t even move. A whole day and a half. You left me for a whole day and a half! It got to be sort of funny when I’d talk to someone about something and where I’d say “I’ll check the internet” I’d just leave blank and unsaid… a hole in the conversation. A great chasm that just taunted me like your leaving taunted me.
You hurt me internet, you hurt me bad. Things piled up while I pined for you. Yes I TRIED to distract myself, but it was you who I was thinking about.
I called the number I had for you and guess what? I found out you were in a foreign country! I could not believe it! I spoke to a man who said his name was ‘Richard’ but I know that was just bull; he just wanted me to THINK you were still in the
K and I talked when he got home and I explained my anguish and your stubborn refusal to return to me at all, to even talk to me on the phone. He assured me it was a mistake, just a misunderstanding and that he would straighten it out for me. I worried because you were in another country – I could even imagine you sitting on pillows, smoking a hookah and eating the spiciest of curries – I worried that it would take time to get you back. K was sure you’d be back the next day. But I fretted. I went to the store and got a bag of Double Chocolate Hershey’s Kisses for you. It was the least I could do.
True to his word K called and smoothed things over with you. And as soon as you were back here with me I curled up with you for the next two hours and caught up on what had been missed.
I love you internet. Don’t leave me again. I’ll have to hurt you if you do. Don’t leave. Ever.
Love,
Judy
*Ahem* What really happened… My internet went down one day and after waiting on hold and being transferred from person to person, I was finally connected to a man we’ll call ‘Richard’ because that’s what he SAID his name was though I had serious doubts that it really was ‘Richard’ as I heard a distinct Indian accent as he spoke and could almost smell the curry over the phone. ‘Richard’ told me that K would need to call and straighten out the account then transferred me to some twangy woman who brought forth images of huge bleached blond hair sprayed so stiff a tornado couldn’t move it and frosted blue eye shadow circa 1970 – and originally from 1970, and a trailer of which her lovely shrill voice would echo through out as she summoned one of her many offspring to bring her a ‘cold one’. This person was stupid and bitchy and argued with me which made me react with dignity and grace and to tell her to fuck off then call her a cunt. This ended the negotiations until K got home.
K called the next morning and handled things… He didn’t even call anyone a cunt to have it done. No I didn’t lie on the couch and pine for the internet, I did the crap I always do – clean house and fold laundry. But that doesn’t sound as dramatic or interesting – and I had nothing to distract me when the offspring were watching one of the Disney abominations they love to watch. I’m back now, I can read the news and I’m happy. Back to cleaning.
Monday, February 20, 2006
I took this color personality test that Shana posted, it's intersting... and oddly accurate in some places.
Try it for yourself, it only takes a minute. (then post your answers)
http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm
Try it for yourself, it only takes a minute. (then post your answers)
http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm
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Insanity Abounds
Movies:
Her: You can’t watch that movie again.
Me: Yes I can.
Her: Dere’s a new movie, called “May I Touch That”.
Me: Are you sure that’s the name?
Her: Uh-huh, it’s about a boy and a skunk.
Me: Ahhh, are you sure that’s a movie?
Her: Dere’s another movie. It’s called “Are We Dere Yet?”
Me: Oh really? And what’s that about?
Her: It’s about a brown man.
Me: Oh?
Her: Yeah and a brown boy.
Me: I think you are just making that up.
Her: No! The mice are in it!
Nyquil
I’m sick again… FUCKING AGAIN. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever get well. Maybe the government is conducting secret experiments on me. Eh. Who knows. At any rate, I took Nyquil Saturday night in an attempt to get a decent nights sleep. Well let me tell you THAT was a mistake. Apparently my love affair with Nyquil is OVER. I no longer get a nice near coma like sleep from Nyquil, oh no. I get a serious head trip. I have very bizarre dreams and wake several times a night with a head full of crazy images. I woke at 2:30 am and was startled by the fact that my cat was on the bed next to me… where she always sleeps. I remember having this strong urge to BLOG all the medication induced images and that the only reason I didn’t was because I wasn’t sure I could type so well. I am thankful to whatever power prevented me from blogging that as I’m certain that I would be committed at this very moment if I had. Also, such SPECIAL dreams are not something that need to be committed to memory any more than just the fuzzy vagueness that they are NOW.
Dreams
Last night I had this very vivid dream of walking around at night with this guy I am interested in, we were walking around his apartment complex and we were picking up coins off the ground. We walked up some stairs where we kissed, then went back to picking up coins. What the fuck? I’m thinking it’s the last of the Nyquil getting out of my system.
Pirate Party
Yesterday was Super Girl’s 7th birthday party. Mother Nature has a cruel sense of humor when it comes to that kid’s birthday parties. All of her parties, save one have had sudden BAD weather either cancel them or diminish the amount of guest who show up. One year a freak cold storm had everyone showing up in heavy coats and scarves for a Luau themed birthday party, another year the trip to the lake to feed the ducks was canceled for the same reason, the next brought SNOW the day of the party and we all know that if it snows in Dallas, every freaking thing closes, so no party. This year the temperatures dropped and the weather predicted ice – which didn’t really happen but the THREAT was enough to only bring out the most loyal of friends. No matter Super Girl had a BLAST! At one point Captain John had 4 little girls chasing him around with plastic swords. Everyone had a most fabulous time despite the fact that NONE of Super Girl’s classmates attended (the RUDEST part was that NONE of the parents called to say the wouldn’t be there! Jerks!). Kudos to Captain John and The Wife for all their work and for letting the party happen there.
Okay off to get dressed, just realized I sounded like a total hypocrite telling Cabbage Patch to get dressed when I’m not even dressed.
Movies:
Her: You can’t watch that movie again.
Me: Yes I can.
Her: Dere’s a new movie, called “May I Touch That”.
Me: Are you sure that’s the name?
Her: Uh-huh, it’s about a boy and a skunk.
Me: Ahhh, are you sure that’s a movie?
Her: Dere’s another movie. It’s called “Are We Dere Yet?”
Me: Oh really? And what’s that about?
Her: It’s about a brown man.
Me: Oh?
Her: Yeah and a brown boy.
Me: I think you are just making that up.
Her: No! The mice are in it!
Nyquil
I’m sick again… FUCKING AGAIN. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever get well. Maybe the government is conducting secret experiments on me. Eh. Who knows. At any rate, I took Nyquil Saturday night in an attempt to get a decent nights sleep. Well let me tell you THAT was a mistake. Apparently my love affair with Nyquil is OVER. I no longer get a nice near coma like sleep from Nyquil, oh no. I get a serious head trip. I have very bizarre dreams and wake several times a night with a head full of crazy images. I woke at 2:30 am and was startled by the fact that my cat was on the bed next to me… where she always sleeps. I remember having this strong urge to BLOG all the medication induced images and that the only reason I didn’t was because I wasn’t sure I could type so well. I am thankful to whatever power prevented me from blogging that as I’m certain that I would be committed at this very moment if I had. Also, such SPECIAL dreams are not something that need to be committed to memory any more than just the fuzzy vagueness that they are NOW.
Dreams
Last night I had this very vivid dream of walking around at night with this guy I am interested in, we were walking around his apartment complex and we were picking up coins off the ground. We walked up some stairs where we kissed, then went back to picking up coins. What the fuck? I’m thinking it’s the last of the Nyquil getting out of my system.
Pirate Party
Yesterday was Super Girl’s 7th birthday party. Mother Nature has a cruel sense of humor when it comes to that kid’s birthday parties. All of her parties, save one have had sudden BAD weather either cancel them or diminish the amount of guest who show up. One year a freak cold storm had everyone showing up in heavy coats and scarves for a Luau themed birthday party, another year the trip to the lake to feed the ducks was canceled for the same reason, the next brought SNOW the day of the party and we all know that if it snows in Dallas, every freaking thing closes, so no party. This year the temperatures dropped and the weather predicted ice – which didn’t really happen but the THREAT was enough to only bring out the most loyal of friends. No matter Super Girl had a BLAST! At one point Captain John had 4 little girls chasing him around with plastic swords. Everyone had a most fabulous time despite the fact that NONE of Super Girl’s classmates attended (the RUDEST part was that NONE of the parents called to say the wouldn’t be there! Jerks!). Kudos to Captain John and The Wife for all their work and for letting the party happen there.
Okay off to get dressed, just realized I sounded like a total hypocrite telling Cabbage Patch to get dressed when I’m not even dressed.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Because I'm Bored
And I steal things of La SEG's blog.
Of course I am a Frap - with Extra Whipped Cream
Mmmmmmmm....
And I steal things of La SEG's blog.
| You Are 55% Addicted to Love |
 Might as well face it, you're addicted to love. You've been a fool for love many times - but are you the wiser for it? Your needs should come first, both in and out of relationships. Because you're the only one who can look out for yourself! |
| You Are a Frappacino |
 At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet Your caffeine addiction level: low |
Of course I am a Frap - with Extra Whipped Cream
| Your Heart Is Blue |
 Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well. You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return. Your flirting style: Friendly Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish What you bring to relationships: Loyalty |
| You Are A Blueberry Martini |
 You are a eclectic drink - liking to change drinks and venues often. You are usually the first of your friends to find a cool new dive bar or cocktail. You should never: Drink mystery drinks strangers hand you. Unless you want to wind up in foreign country. Your ideal party: Is mobile, hopping from party to party. Your drinking soulmates: Those with an Orange Martini personality. Your drinking rivals: Those with a Chocolate Martini personality. |
Mmmmmmmm....
Interview Answer
Just spoke to my manager and found out that I did not get the position as the VP felt that some who lived in the Arlington area would be a better match... that and she has some crazy notion of having someone show up at one of the hospitals in Arlinton at 7 am! yikes! No matter, she indicated that there is the possibility of them creating this position in the Dallas area soon. Also, still have the option of working more days and there is the homeshoring job I interviewed for yesterday. It will all work out.
Just spoke to my manager and found out that I did not get the position as the VP felt that some who lived in the Arlington area would be a better match... that and she has some crazy notion of having someone show up at one of the hospitals in Arlinton at 7 am! yikes! No matter, she indicated that there is the possibility of them creating this position in the Dallas area soon. Also, still have the option of working more days and there is the homeshoring job I interviewed for yesterday. It will all work out.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Multi-tasking At It's Best
The Cure
So today I was having a discussion with A Friend who happened to mention that she was so thrilled that her homeopathic remedy that she had recently started taking. I asked her what she was taking and what it was for and then she became decidedly VAGUE about both. I pressed the subject as I'm an dick some days.
With much reluctance she told me that she was taking this stuff for a bad case of 'roids. To which my totally mature and adult side took a vacation and the juvenile idiot within started to LAUGH. Loudly. Then I asked her WHAT she was taking. She indicated she was taking the above pictured pills.
Hylands #1, Calc. Fluor. 6X, which is for (wait for it...)
Colds, Hemorrhoids and Chapped Skin
I almost peed on myself laughing! Talking about a multi-symptom elixer! My friend didn't understand what I found so damn funny and I told her that at no time had I ever read on the back of Nyquil to slap some of that on my ass to take care of my 'roids or to rub any of it on my dry skin! Damn! How do you MARKET that??? AND WHO decided to put all that together to make a sale? Some guy with a bad cold, sore as and flaky skin? How did he make the connection? "Hey, I just started taking these pills and hmmmm... my cough is better, my ass doesn't hurt and my skin is now nice and supple! I need to sell that!"
Indications
Love the indications:
Relief of symptoms of cold with thick, greenish discharge. Relieves the symptoms of itching and BURNING PAINS due to hemorroids. Relieves the symptoms of chapped and cracked skin.
My friend thinks I'm a bitch now (she's right) but she DID take the above photos for me because deep down she knows this shit is funny.
The Cure
So today I was having a discussion with A Friend who happened to mention that she was so thrilled that her homeopathic remedy that she had recently started taking. I asked her what she was taking and what it was for and then she became decidedly VAGUE about both. I pressed the subject as I'm an dick some days.
With much reluctance she told me that she was taking this stuff for a bad case of 'roids. To which my totally mature and adult side took a vacation and the juvenile idiot within started to LAUGH. Loudly. Then I asked her WHAT she was taking. She indicated she was taking the above pictured pills.
Hylands #1, Calc. Fluor. 6X, which is for (wait for it...)
Colds, Hemorrhoids and Chapped Skin
I almost peed on myself laughing! Talking about a multi-symptom elixer! My friend didn't understand what I found so damn funny and I told her that at no time had I ever read on the back of Nyquil to slap some of that on my ass to take care of my 'roids or to rub any of it on my dry skin! Damn! How do you MARKET that??? AND WHO decided to put all that together to make a sale? Some guy with a bad cold, sore as and flaky skin? How did he make the connection? "Hey, I just started taking these pills and hmmmm... my cough is better, my ass doesn't hurt and my skin is now nice and supple! I need to sell that!"
Indications
Love the indications:
Relief of symptoms of cold with thick, greenish discharge. Relieves the symptoms of itching and BURNING PAINS due to hemorroids. Relieves the symptoms of chapped and cracked skin.
My friend thinks I'm a bitch now (she's right) but she DID take the above photos for me because deep down she knows this shit is funny.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Throw Me Some Luck, Why Don’t Ya?
At 3:45 pm today I’ll be interviewing for a management position with the company I work for. After working for this company for 4.5 years I never expected this and honestly have said before that I’d NEVER, EVER take a management position with them. What a fucking liar I am!
The position is 4 days a week taking photos at various hospitals – I would travel to whatever hospital needed coverage – and one day of recruiting/interviewing for this particular hospital system. The best part is that it’s a 40 hour a week job and I’d have the flexibility to have some weekends off. 40 hours a week, base hourly pay + commission + benefits… it’s a no brainer.
My chances of getting the job are EXCELENT, my manager practically BEGGED me to interview with the district manager. I’m panicking over some of the other things I have to worry about – child care & car situation mostly. What fun! But I’m excited and NERVOUS.
So… throw me some good vibes – I haven’t interviewed in 4.5 years!
At 3:45 pm today I’ll be interviewing for a management position with the company I work for. After working for this company for 4.5 years I never expected this and honestly have said before that I’d NEVER, EVER take a management position with them. What a fucking liar I am!
The position is 4 days a week taking photos at various hospitals – I would travel to whatever hospital needed coverage – and one day of recruiting/interviewing for this particular hospital system. The best part is that it’s a 40 hour a week job and I’d have the flexibility to have some weekends off. 40 hours a week, base hourly pay + commission + benefits… it’s a no brainer.
My chances of getting the job are EXCELENT, my manager practically BEGGED me to interview with the district manager. I’m panicking over some of the other things I have to worry about – child care & car situation mostly. What fun! But I’m excited and NERVOUS.
So… throw me some good vibes – I haven’t interviewed in 4.5 years!
Valentine's Left Overs
Since I've consumed all of the left over candy in my 'celebrating' last night (chill it was only 4 pieces), all I'm left with is some links for you.
Probably the BEST photo EVER!
The BEST Valentine EVER! (this one would be for my Valentine if it weren't BOB)
Or maybe THIS one. Just kidding! I turned off the hidden cameras in your home days ago!
Of course THIS one is probably more true than I care to believe.
Luckily (or just pathetically) THIS one is true.
Ahhh but a more true statement could not be said than THIS.
(check out all of the fabulous Anti Valentine Cards here.)
So now that we've gotten V-Day out of the way it's time to start planning for March 14th! Steak and BJ Day! I'm here to help anyone in the planning or implementation of this day - ladies if you need any HELP, Let me know, I would be glad to help out in this area. Guys, if you want to share this 'special' day with me, well send me a note (I have a careful screening process for this!). Mark your calenders everyone! No one wants to be caught with their pants down on March 14th!... or... well... okay, I guess they do... whatever.
Okay, that's all for now. I must go do something with the crazy circus midget I call my child and get a shower before calling to BEG my father in law to do a favor for me.
Since I've consumed all of the left over candy in my 'celebrating' last night (chill it was only 4 pieces), all I'm left with is some links for you.
Probably the BEST photo EVER!
The BEST Valentine EVER! (this one would be for my Valentine if it weren't BOB)
Or maybe THIS one. Just kidding! I turned off the hidden cameras in your home days ago!
Of course THIS one is probably more true than I care to believe.
Luckily (or just pathetically) THIS one is true.
Ahhh but a more true statement could not be said than THIS.
(check out all of the fabulous Anti Valentine Cards here.)
So now that we've gotten V-Day out of the way it's time to start planning for March 14th! Steak and BJ Day! I'm here to help anyone in the planning or implementation of this day - ladies if you need any HELP, Let me know, I would be glad to help out in this area. Guys, if you want to share this 'special' day with me, well send me a note (I have a careful screening process for this!). Mark your calenders everyone! No one wants to be caught with their pants down on March 14th!... or... well... okay, I guess they do... whatever.
Okay, that's all for now. I must go do something with the crazy circus midget I call my child and get a shower before calling to BEG my father in law to do a favor for me.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Warning!
DO NOT EAT the chocolates with the green filling or the pink filling! Ewww.. Who the hell thought that someone should put green lime flavored goo in chocolate? Or worse pink goo that smells vaguely like strawberries but tastes a lot like that nasty pink liquid medicine given to kids. It's vile.
End of public service announcement.
DO NOT EAT the chocolates with the green filling or the pink filling! Ewww.. Who the hell thought that someone should put green lime flavored goo in chocolate? Or worse pink goo that smells vaguely like strawberries but tastes a lot like that nasty pink liquid medicine given to kids. It's vile.
End of public service announcement.
Candy Stalker Letter
A couple of years ago as my sister and I sat around contemplating the candy hearts (ew) and the idiotic messages on them, we realized that the messages were rather bizarre and stalkerish. More discussion followed and it was decided that we would use the message hearts to compose a stalker letter to the man I was interested in at the time (Let’s just call him Minute Man… and not because he did historical reenactments… but because it’s some how kinder than calling him Little Richard *ahem* Think about it, it will come to you… another word for little… another name for Richard). After much laughter and a fine tipped ink pen, we pieced together this work of art:
Dear One (fill in name here);
I will kill one of us (you), if you don’t return my love. I love you. Sure love. Be True. Romeo.
We are meant to be, you and me. I heart you. Call me. IM me. Hug me. At least Write me. What’s Up? I have a gun and a halogen high beam. If I can’t have you Romeo, no one else can. It’s true. Love you. Love Me. Let it be. Be good. Love me. I will look for you. To remember you love me. Marry me. You are all mine Romeo. Ask me (blurred from here). Love me. PS. I’m pregnant and (blurred). One love. It’s yours. If you don’t have a will, you better get one.
Love, Me
Luckily I never did send that letter and no one ate the hearts. Still it’s a fabulous craft to do with those nasty tasting too hard to eat message hearts.
A couple of years ago as my sister and I sat around contemplating the candy hearts (ew) and the idiotic messages on them, we realized that the messages were rather bizarre and stalkerish. More discussion followed and it was decided that we would use the message hearts to compose a stalker letter to the man I was interested in at the time (Let’s just call him Minute Man… and not because he did historical reenactments… but because it’s some how kinder than calling him Little Richard *ahem* Think about it, it will come to you… another word for little… another name for Richard). After much laughter and a fine tipped ink pen, we pieced together this work of art:
Dear One (fill in name here);
I will kill one of us (you), if you don’t return my love. I love you. Sure love. Be True. Romeo.
We are meant to be, you and me. I heart you. Call me. IM me. Hug me. At least Write me. What’s Up? I have a gun and a halogen high beam. If I can’t have you Romeo, no one else can. It’s true. Love you. Love Me. Let it be. Be good. Love me. I will look for you. To remember you love me. Marry me. You are all mine Romeo. Ask me (blurred from here). Love me. PS. I’m pregnant and (blurred). One love. It’s yours. If you don’t have a will, you better get one.
Love, Me
Luckily I never did send that letter and no one ate the hearts. Still it’s a fabulous craft to do with those nasty tasting too hard to eat message hearts.
NAP TIME!
My favorite time of the day. NAP time. Not for me! For Cabbage Patch! Nap time for her! She NEEDS a nap. Or rather, I NEED her to nap. I need her to nap for the next two hours so I can fold that monstrous pile of clothing that is threatening to consume the love seat it is perched upon.* Everyone should love nap time. World peace could probably occur if NAP TIME was mandated for EVERYONE. Okay, enough.
*I kid, about that. I wouldn't really fold those clothes!
PS - her new stalling tactic is to stand here and say "That was only a SNACK." about her lunch. Yeah right kid, I know you aren't going to EAT! Go to sleep before I have to get out the tranquilzer darts again!
My favorite time of the day. NAP time. Not for me! For Cabbage Patch! Nap time for her! She NEEDS a nap. Or rather, I NEED her to nap. I need her to nap for the next two hours so I can fold that monstrous pile of clothing that is threatening to consume the love seat it is perched upon.* Everyone should love nap time. World peace could probably occur if NAP TIME was mandated for EVERYONE. Okay, enough.
*I kid, about that. I wouldn't really fold those clothes!
PS - her new stalling tactic is to stand here and say "That was only a SNACK." about her lunch. Yeah right kid, I know you aren't going to EAT! Go to sleep before I have to get out the tranquilzer darts again!
Children Are Mental Illness
I ask her if she wants lunch and she declines, then when I tell her it’s time for naps she looks at me shocked and says “But MOM, I haven’t had LUNCH YET?” What? 2 minutes prior she was basically telling me to stuff myself about lunch and now it’s all important.
I make lunch (gourmet packet of ramen noodles) and when she is informed that she has to EAT and can’t play on the computer any more, the rain starts. Thunder and lightening! A storm of epic proportions! The gnashing of teeth and stomping of feet. Up the stairs, into the bed room. I can hear her still wailing and yelling to the stuffed animals and dust balls about how she just wants to play the game! Oh the torture! Oh the humanity! How cruel I am!
For 5 minutes. Then the storm subsides as suddenly as it began. Down the stairs she comes, peering at me disapprovingly. I smirk, it’s funny to me. ‘Lunch!’ I say and she walks to the bowl of noodles going cold. Then it starts. “Mooooooooom. I didn’t want you to take a bite!” (yes, yes I did, I took a freaking bite of noodles while she was busy having a mental collapse over not playing the damn game, she didn’t even see me do it!) I ignore her. She persists walking right up to me and making sure I am looking RIGHT AT her and says “I didn’t want you to take a bite!” I laugh, but I’m prone to inappropriate laughter at times. She storms off to the kitchen and stands on the stool with her hands on her hips, me following with the bowl of noodles. “I didn’t want you to take a bite!” I finally say “Okay, I’m sorry, I took a bite. Do you want it in a pink bowl?” “I’m angry at you!” “Oh really, was that all the screaming about? Do you want them in a pink bowl?” stoic silence as she turns to leave the kitchen. “A pink bowl with a pretty pink fork!” Her eyes light up as she takes the bowl and goes to the table to eat lunch.
The temporary insanity has passed… for the moment. Dinner time may bring a relapse… or psychoactive drugs. Whatever.
I ask her if she wants lunch and she declines, then when I tell her it’s time for naps she looks at me shocked and says “But MOM, I haven’t had LUNCH YET?” What? 2 minutes prior she was basically telling me to stuff myself about lunch and now it’s all important.
I make lunch (gourmet packet of ramen noodles) and when she is informed that she has to EAT and can’t play on the computer any more, the rain starts. Thunder and lightening! A storm of epic proportions! The gnashing of teeth and stomping of feet. Up the stairs, into the bed room. I can hear her still wailing and yelling to the stuffed animals and dust balls about how she just wants to play the game! Oh the torture! Oh the humanity! How cruel I am!
For 5 minutes. Then the storm subsides as suddenly as it began. Down the stairs she comes, peering at me disapprovingly. I smirk, it’s funny to me. ‘Lunch!’ I say and she walks to the bowl of noodles going cold. Then it starts. “Mooooooooom. I didn’t want you to take a bite!” (yes, yes I did, I took a freaking bite of noodles while she was busy having a mental collapse over not playing the damn game, she didn’t even see me do it!) I ignore her. She persists walking right up to me and making sure I am looking RIGHT AT her and says “I didn’t want you to take a bite!” I laugh, but I’m prone to inappropriate laughter at times. She storms off to the kitchen and stands on the stool with her hands on her hips, me following with the bowl of noodles. “I didn’t want you to take a bite!” I finally say “Okay, I’m sorry, I took a bite. Do you want it in a pink bowl?” “I’m angry at you!” “Oh really, was that all the screaming about? Do you want them in a pink bowl?” stoic silence as she turns to leave the kitchen. “A pink bowl with a pretty pink fork!” Her eyes light up as she takes the bowl and goes to the table to eat lunch.
The temporary insanity has passed… for the moment. Dinner time may bring a relapse… or psychoactive drugs. Whatever.
Challenges Of LIFE
LIFE with a 4 year old goes something like this:
Her: Okay mamma, I set it up. This my car, and this your car. Look you got a husband!
Me: Oh that’s great. Your car is awfully full *pointing to blue car full of pink pegs*.
Her: I gots friends.
Me: That’s always nice. I’m not driving a green car. *Putting pegs into red car and dropping the two pink ‘kid’ pegs*
Her: AHHHHH! You dropped me!
Me: No it’s fine. See you are in now? Besides, THAT’S your car. Who goes first?
Her: Ummmmm… I go this way and you go that way.
Me: Okay, but who goes first?
Her: Ummmmm… I do… No, you go.
Me: Okay, I’ll spin.
*click* *click* *click* *click*
Me: 7… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
Her: *echoing my counting until suddenly* No! Stop! You gotta stop! It’s a red light!
Me: Okay fine. It’s your turn.
Her: *click**click**click* 8!
Me: 4
Her: 1, 2, 4, 7, 5, 9!
Me: no, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
Her: *car stopping noise* I gotta stop, red light!
Me: Mmmmmhmmm… *spinning* *click**click* *click* 5.
Her: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You fell out the car!
Me: It’s okay, see? Back in the car.
Her: *spinning* *click* *click* *spinning again* *click* *click* *click*
Me: No, no, only spin once. Once. No.. stop.
Her: *finally stopping when I put my hand on the spinner* 4!
Me: Yes! 4!
Her: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..
Me: Uh, no… just 4… let’s go back.
Her: No! I supposed to be on dat road.
Me: No, this one.
Her: No, DAT road. *saying it slow as if I’m too stupid to understand*
Me: Fine whatever..
…later… at the end of the ‘GAME’…
Me: *spinning* *click* *click* *click* 7… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7! I win!
Her: *spinning* *click* *click* 4! I win! (toward the beginning because she started going the other way on the road)
Her: Now we get cash money. *starts carefully pulling out random amounts of colorful play money, which by the way we hadn’t played with at all during the game.*
Looking For A Clock Tower and A Scope For My Rifle
Just kidding, today is a MUCH better day. No migraine. Still issues, but light at the end of the tunnel and I don’t think it’s a train today. The boy, still disinterested, but whatever – BOB still loves me. It’s all a waiting game really… not The Boy, just everything else really. I’ll be fine… I don’t even own a gun.
B-Day Girl
Yesterday Super Girl turned 7. Wow. 7. So now I get to bore you with her birth story – it’s tradition. Here goes: Dear gawd! 36 hours of labor to have a 9 lb 9 oz baby? 21 ½ inches long? No way! That’s almost a third of my height! Fucking 6’ 3” father, it’s all your fault. Shit! We are buying a dog next time I get that maternal instinct, this sucks! Awwww… look there’s my baby. Wow, she doesn’t look like an alien. We shall name her Super Girl and Super Girl shall be her name.
And THAT’s about it. More or less. If you want a more indepth (accurate) account, then search the archives, I’m sure I wrote about it in detail over one of the past 7 years.
Anyway, she had a happy b-day and there is to be a PARTY this Sunday (thank you The Wife and Captain John for the use of your house).
Workin’Girl
I MAY be changing my work status soon… Depends. My manager has approached me with an opportunity and I’ve discussed it with K as to whether it would be a good idea or not. Seems like it might. Don’t want to talk about it too much… Might JINX myself. Wish me luck!
Happy Valentines Day Bitches!
Just wanna wish all my friends a happy day and let you know that I want EACH and EVERY one of you to be my Valentine. *ahem* Not like that sicko, I mean it in a very NON sexual and friendly way that involves no mouth parts touching anyone's body parts (yes guys I know the perfect gift for a man is a BJ, but sorry it's not happening... unless of course you are that certain person I would give it to, but whatever... the rest of you, just back off).
As for me I'll probably be spending a special evening with my guy BOB. And a very Vibrating Valentines Day to you also.
ANd let's end this with an inappropriate for this day quiz... enjoy.
LIFE with a 4 year old goes something like this:
Her: Okay mamma, I set it up. This my car, and this your car. Look you got a husband!
Me: Oh that’s great. Your car is awfully full *pointing to blue car full of pink pegs*.
Her: I gots friends.
Me: That’s always nice. I’m not driving a green car. *Putting pegs into red car and dropping the two pink ‘kid’ pegs*
Her: AHHHHH! You dropped me!
Me: No it’s fine. See you are in now? Besides, THAT’S your car. Who goes first?
Her: Ummmmm… I go this way and you go that way.
Me: Okay, but who goes first?
Her: Ummmmm… I do… No, you go.
Me: Okay, I’ll spin.
*click* *click* *click* *click*
Me: 7… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
Her: *echoing my counting until suddenly* No! Stop! You gotta stop! It’s a red light!
Me: Okay fine. It’s your turn.
Her: *click**click**click* 8!
Me: 4
Her: 1, 2, 4, 7, 5, 9!
Me: no, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
Her: *car stopping noise* I gotta stop, red light!
Me: Mmmmmhmmm… *spinning* *click**click* *click* 5.
Her: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You fell out the car!
Me: It’s okay, see? Back in the car.
Her: *spinning* *click* *click* *spinning again* *click* *click* *click*
Me: No, no, only spin once. Once. No.. stop.
Her: *finally stopping when I put my hand on the spinner* 4!
Me: Yes! 4!
Her: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..
Me: Uh, no… just 4… let’s go back.
Her: No! I supposed to be on dat road.
Me: No, this one.
Her: No, DAT road. *saying it slow as if I’m too stupid to understand*
Me: Fine whatever..
…later… at the end of the ‘GAME’…
Me: *spinning* *click* *click* *click* 7… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7! I win!
Her: *spinning* *click* *click* 4! I win! (toward the beginning because she started going the other way on the road)
Her: Now we get cash money. *starts carefully pulling out random amounts of colorful play money, which by the way we hadn’t played with at all during the game.*
Looking For A Clock Tower and A Scope For My Rifle
Just kidding, today is a MUCH better day. No migraine. Still issues, but light at the end of the tunnel and I don’t think it’s a train today. The boy, still disinterested, but whatever – BOB still loves me. It’s all a waiting game really… not The Boy, just everything else really. I’ll be fine… I don’t even own a gun.
B-Day Girl
Yesterday Super Girl turned 7. Wow. 7. So now I get to bore you with her birth story – it’s tradition. Here goes: Dear gawd! 36 hours of labor to have a 9 lb 9 oz baby? 21 ½ inches long? No way! That’s almost a third of my height! Fucking 6’ 3” father, it’s all your fault. Shit! We are buying a dog next time I get that maternal instinct, this sucks! Awwww… look there’s my baby. Wow, she doesn’t look like an alien. We shall name her Super Girl and Super Girl shall be her name.
And THAT’s about it. More or less. If you want a more indepth (accurate) account, then search the archives, I’m sure I wrote about it in detail over one of the past 7 years.
Anyway, she had a happy b-day and there is to be a PARTY this Sunday (thank you The Wife and Captain John for the use of your house).
Workin’Girl
I MAY be changing my work status soon… Depends. My manager has approached me with an opportunity and I’ve discussed it with K as to whether it would be a good idea or not. Seems like it might. Don’t want to talk about it too much… Might JINX myself. Wish me luck!
Happy Valentines Day Bitches!
Just wanna wish all my friends a happy day and let you know that I want EACH and EVERY one of you to be my Valentine. *ahem* Not like that sicko, I mean it in a very NON sexual and friendly way that involves no mouth parts touching anyone's body parts (yes guys I know the perfect gift for a man is a BJ, but sorry it's not happening... unless of course you are that certain person I would give it to, but whatever... the rest of you, just back off).
As for me I'll probably be spending a special evening with my guy BOB. And a very Vibrating Valentines Day to you also.
ANd let's end this with an inappropriate for this day quiz... enjoy.
 | You scored as Bondage. Your turn on is bondage... all out. You don't have a specific part of kinky sex that turns you on more than any other... everything working together turns you on. And why shouldn't it? Sex isn't sex without all the trimmings.
What's Your Kinky Turn On? created with QuizFarm.com |
Monday, February 13, 2006
This Is A Good Place For A Stick Up!
Yeah, that smell? That’s my life right now. Shity. I know it’ll get better, I know it will. I just am not enjoying coasting down shit creek with out a paddle at this moment. The smell is getting tiresome. And I know all my 3 loyal readers are quite tired of my bitch ass whining. I personally don’t blame you – I’m tired of it also! Somebody slap me already!
So I’m going to whine a bit about things, be very vague about the specifics as to protect the idiots (that would be me mainly) and then move on to some of the funny shit from the weekend.
Today we (K and I) had one of those “Gawd-damn it! Life just kicked me in the balls!” moments right off. Yeah wonderful. This on top of my horrendously expensive ticket a couple weeks back that I received compliments of Ft. Worth’s finest and our recent discovery that the IRS has generously delayed our much needed tax refund an extra 7 to 10 days (who wants to bet it will be 10 at the very least). So yeah, um.. Great, thanks Government! Is this your way of getting me back for contributing to the Democratic Party?? It was only $5! Come on! Give me a break!
Then of course there is the boy I’m interested in who’s not so interested in me, which is fine yet somewhat depressing. I haven’t really been interested in someone for more than just sex in a while so it is disappointing and harkens back to the traumatic days of high school and all the moments of unrequited affection. Good lord, aren’t I just a tad too old for this shit??? It’s cool it’s fine, he’s a great guy and being friends is good. I going to stop stalking him now, just let it go and remove all the hidden cameras from his home and disconnect the tracking device from his car. Friends, yeah just friends. No more stalking, I promise. Though I will still keep the boy in my rotation of men I fantasize about while abusing Bob. Come on; don’t look at me like that! Good masturbatory material that you don’t have to pay for is hard to come by! Besides, isn’t that really a compliment?
Oh yeah and I’ve got a migraine that is finally starting to ease up after a handful of pills, a cup of coffee and a hot shower. Which is good because I was starting to think I was about to give birth to an alien baby through my left sinus cavity. Whew, glad it was just false labor.
AND I have a zit on my nose. Yes, right on the end of my fucking nose. It’s lovely and super sexy let me tell you. Definitely something to contemplate while engaged in self love.
Okay… enough whine for now!
Shit from the weekend that made me laugh…
Texann (not her REAL name) and I were discussing a certain person’s boyfriend and how he’s the pickiest vegetarian known to man and how he pretty much only eats beans, rice, peanut butter and cheese. Texann decided that he should be called The Refugee since he eats like a refugee. As she put it “Isn’t that what we feed to the refugees? Rice and beans?”
Some guy offered Texann $10 to grab another guy’s ass and she did it. He didn’t pay up though. She said she almost told the cute guy who offered her the $10 that he’d have to let her grab his ass as payment since he didn’t give her the $10. She should have.
The Sexy Witch and I were being complete dorks and thought it would be funny if we used ‘offended’ for aroused and vice versa. It was quite funny at the time, but I’m sure it sounds like we were being primo ‘tards now. Yeah, we were, but what the fuck.
The Sexy Witch, Texann and I decided that the perfect Single Girl (as in no man in the picture) Valentine’s bouquet would be roses with a pack of batteries with a note signed ‘Love Bob’.
The creepy homeless guy who was hitting Texann and me up for money as we arrived at Ben’s. His only saving grace was that he started out the conversation by telling us how BEAUTIFUL we were.
Okay that’s all for now, I can’t fucking remember anything else for now.
Yeah, that smell? That’s my life right now. Shity. I know it’ll get better, I know it will. I just am not enjoying coasting down shit creek with out a paddle at this moment. The smell is getting tiresome. And I know all my 3 loyal readers are quite tired of my bitch ass whining. I personally don’t blame you – I’m tired of it also! Somebody slap me already!
So I’m going to whine a bit about things, be very vague about the specifics as to protect the idiots (that would be me mainly) and then move on to some of the funny shit from the weekend.
Today we (K and I) had one of those “Gawd-damn it! Life just kicked me in the balls!” moments right off. Yeah wonderful. This on top of my horrendously expensive ticket a couple weeks back that I received compliments of Ft. Worth’s finest and our recent discovery that the IRS has generously delayed our much needed tax refund an extra 7 to 10 days (who wants to bet it will be 10 at the very least). So yeah, um.. Great, thanks Government! Is this your way of getting me back for contributing to the Democratic Party?? It was only $5! Come on! Give me a break!
Then of course there is the boy I’m interested in who’s not so interested in me, which is fine yet somewhat depressing. I haven’t really been interested in someone for more than just sex in a while so it is disappointing and harkens back to the traumatic days of high school and all the moments of unrequited affection. Good lord, aren’t I just a tad too old for this shit??? It’s cool it’s fine, he’s a great guy and being friends is good. I going to stop stalking him now, just let it go and remove all the hidden cameras from his home and disconnect the tracking device from his car. Friends, yeah just friends. No more stalking, I promise. Though I will still keep the boy in my rotation of men I fantasize about while abusing Bob. Come on; don’t look at me like that! Good masturbatory material that you don’t have to pay for is hard to come by! Besides, isn’t that really a compliment?
Oh yeah and I’ve got a migraine that is finally starting to ease up after a handful of pills, a cup of coffee and a hot shower. Which is good because I was starting to think I was about to give birth to an alien baby through my left sinus cavity. Whew, glad it was just false labor.
AND I have a zit on my nose. Yes, right on the end of my fucking nose. It’s lovely and super sexy let me tell you. Definitely something to contemplate while engaged in self love.
Okay… enough whine for now!
Shit from the weekend that made me laugh…
Texann (not her REAL name) and I were discussing a certain person’s boyfriend and how he’s the pickiest vegetarian known to man and how he pretty much only eats beans, rice, peanut butter and cheese. Texann decided that he should be called The Refugee since he eats like a refugee. As she put it “Isn’t that what we feed to the refugees? Rice and beans?”
Some guy offered Texann $10 to grab another guy’s ass and she did it. He didn’t pay up though. She said she almost told the cute guy who offered her the $10 that he’d have to let her grab his ass as payment since he didn’t give her the $10. She should have.
The Sexy Witch and I were being complete dorks and thought it would be funny if we used ‘offended’ for aroused and vice versa. It was quite funny at the time, but I’m sure it sounds like we were being primo ‘tards now. Yeah, we were, but what the fuck.
The Sexy Witch, Texann and I decided that the perfect Single Girl (as in no man in the picture) Valentine’s bouquet would be roses with a pack of batteries with a note signed ‘Love Bob’.
The creepy homeless guy who was hitting Texann and me up for money as we arrived at Ben’s. His only saving grace was that he started out the conversation by telling us how BEAUTIFUL we were.
Okay that’s all for now, I can’t fucking remember anything else for now.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
The Attack Of The Angry Poodle Hair!
That would describe my hair today, a bad title to a bad B grade horror flick. No one famous would star in it, just maybe a couple of sad, dried up former child stars briefly out of rehab long enough to do one shooting and no scene reshoots because they’ll be back in rehab. Maybe I could get the Corey’s from the 80’s, it’s not like they are doing anything these days. Except maybe working at a local Burger King and checking in regularly with a probation officer. But I digress… as usual.
This morning I decided to enjoy the peace and solitude of being totally alone in my home in my room in my comfee and clean (sheets, comforter, pillow cases, pillows, everything sanitized) bed and didn’t get up until 8 am. I washed my hair as I didn’t want the nasty cigarette stink from the bar to linger with me all day and put in my BRAND NEW hair stuff that’s actually some stuff I used to use but lost track of because they changed the packaging and then the store I used to buy it in stopped carrying but not really they just MOVED it because it had a new bottle and I didn’t realize it because I don’t always pay that close attention to stuff like that… Can we say ADD??? Anyway, I found it again, but didn’t realize it was IT until I looked closely at the bottle of de-frizzing shine stuff and realized it was THE BRAND I love, so I bought two bottles and vowed to go back and buy the other 998 bottles to stash under my sink for a rainy day (which is when my hair usually frizzes the worst) . So um.. yeah… back to what I was saying…
I get breakfast and coffee and get on the computer to waste some time while I let my hair dry for a bit, then get slightly bent because someone makes a comment to me that’s not exactly what I want to hear but what the fuck ever, I don’t control the universe otherwise brown cows would give chocolate milk and the black and white ones would give coffee with cream. But yeah, bad mood because I’m a baby, no other reason. Because it’s COLD outside I decide to blow dry my hair which is a total and complete mistake as my hair has taken on double it’s normal volume. I have ENORMOUS hair and it’s making me look like a giant angry red poodle. Fuck, somebody throw me a bone!
Off to work which is just fine at the first hospital giving me a false sense of security for the rest of my work day. I get to the hospital and have more discharges than I anticipated because some people are stupid and can’t mark a chart correctly. Whatever. I dash out and take one set of photos – PERFECT. Go to the next – decline. The next I go to take the fucking camera won’t focus. At all. I spend an extra hour in this person’s room trying to get it to work and it won’t. The shots are perfect until you blow them up to see the detail and they are fuzzy. DAMN. I call my manager and get her voice mail, I call the other photographer and get her voice mail also. Oh and I got a call from one of the other photographers at one of my other hospitals and THAT whole system is broken so worky-worky for me. Damn.
So yeah, crappy day… and I’m totally out of CAKE! Well I’m going to go take a nap now and hope the rest of the day doesn’t SUCK (although it probably will).
That would describe my hair today, a bad title to a bad B grade horror flick. No one famous would star in it, just maybe a couple of sad, dried up former child stars briefly out of rehab long enough to do one shooting and no scene reshoots because they’ll be back in rehab. Maybe I could get the Corey’s from the 80’s, it’s not like they are doing anything these days. Except maybe working at a local Burger King and checking in regularly with a probation officer. But I digress… as usual.
This morning I decided to enjoy the peace and solitude of being totally alone in my home in my room in my comfee and clean (sheets, comforter, pillow cases, pillows, everything sanitized) bed and didn’t get up until 8 am. I washed my hair as I didn’t want the nasty cigarette stink from the bar to linger with me all day and put in my BRAND NEW hair stuff that’s actually some stuff I used to use but lost track of because they changed the packaging and then the store I used to buy it in stopped carrying but not really they just MOVED it because it had a new bottle and I didn’t realize it because I don’t always pay that close attention to stuff like that… Can we say ADD??? Anyway, I found it again, but didn’t realize it was IT until I looked closely at the bottle of de-frizzing shine stuff and realized it was THE BRAND I love, so I bought two bottles and vowed to go back and buy the other 998 bottles to stash under my sink for a rainy day (which is when my hair usually frizzes the worst) . So um.. yeah… back to what I was saying…
I get breakfast and coffee and get on the computer to waste some time while I let my hair dry for a bit, then get slightly bent because someone makes a comment to me that’s not exactly what I want to hear but what the fuck ever, I don’t control the universe otherwise brown cows would give chocolate milk and the black and white ones would give coffee with cream. But yeah, bad mood because I’m a baby, no other reason. Because it’s COLD outside I decide to blow dry my hair which is a total and complete mistake as my hair has taken on double it’s normal volume. I have ENORMOUS hair and it’s making me look like a giant angry red poodle. Fuck, somebody throw me a bone!
Off to work which is just fine at the first hospital giving me a false sense of security for the rest of my work day. I get to the hospital and have more discharges than I anticipated because some people are stupid and can’t mark a chart correctly. Whatever. I dash out and take one set of photos – PERFECT. Go to the next – decline. The next I go to take the fucking camera won’t focus. At all. I spend an extra hour in this person’s room trying to get it to work and it won’t. The shots are perfect until you blow them up to see the detail and they are fuzzy. DAMN. I call my manager and get her voice mail, I call the other photographer and get her voice mail also. Oh and I got a call from one of the other photographers at one of my other hospitals and THAT whole system is broken so worky-worky for me. Damn.
So yeah, crappy day… and I’m totally out of CAKE! Well I’m going to go take a nap now and hope the rest of the day doesn’t SUCK (although it probably will).
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Coffee and Cake For Breakfast!
Wow, I'm soooooo hyper right now! It's almost like I've got a major sugar buzz going... wait... I probably do since I had coffee and CAKE for breakfast. Mmmmmm... Sugar! Sugar! Sugar!
It's not that busy of a day, but DAYUM I could take pictures all day if I stayed like this. I was just in someone's room and I was such a total spaz it was INSANE. Luckily they were just enjoying the FABULOUS photos I was taking and weren't scared by me.
Ya know, this totally hyper spazy me makes me wish I had started drinking coffee back when I worked as a secretary. Imagine how much fun I would have been in a meeting! I swear I almost feel like I'm viberating, and we all know how much I heart the viberating things.
Anyway, I'm going to Ben's tonight for the rennie gathering. Jill is going to pick me up and take me there - woohoo! I don't have to drive! Which means I could totally drink to excess except that I'm completly broke so that's just not going to happen. Not that I actually do that often, but I COULD if not financially restricted.
GAWD! Ya know what's just sad... I keep getting distracted by my finger nails. Yeah really. I was looking at my finger nails and then the next thing I know I realize I've been contemplating my finger nails for 5 minutes. Fuck! What was in that COFFEE? Or was it the vitamin I took this morning? Was that a vitamin or was it one of those things my sister gave me... the supliments.. what the fuck is in them? What are the suplimenting? What do I need to be suplimented with? Sanity maybe? I don't think that comes in a pill though! Oh wait... Prozac... Maybe that's what I need, a Prozac chaser.
Speaking of drugs, one time I was on a date with this GUY and he was asking where I work and I said at the hospital and then he said something about how I must have access to drugs then. I was all "Uh... I take baby photos, I have nothing to do with drugs." And well that was pretty much the end of that date.
The finger nails are shiny! I can't stop looking at them! Wow aren't you glad you aren't here with me now? I'd be talking your ear off. I have like 10 more minutes until my next appointment and I'm thinking maybe I need to run around the building a few times first. I definitly don't need another cup of COFFEE though.
Wow... maybe I should go... I'll delete this when I get home and am sane.
Wow, I'm soooooo hyper right now! It's almost like I've got a major sugar buzz going... wait... I probably do since I had coffee and CAKE for breakfast. Mmmmmm... Sugar! Sugar! Sugar!
It's not that busy of a day, but DAYUM I could take pictures all day if I stayed like this. I was just in someone's room and I was such a total spaz it was INSANE. Luckily they were just enjoying the FABULOUS photos I was taking and weren't scared by me.
Ya know, this totally hyper spazy me makes me wish I had started drinking coffee back when I worked as a secretary. Imagine how much fun I would have been in a meeting! I swear I almost feel like I'm viberating, and we all know how much I heart the viberating things.
Anyway, I'm going to Ben's tonight for the rennie gathering. Jill is going to pick me up and take me there - woohoo! I don't have to drive! Which means I could totally drink to excess except that I'm completly broke so that's just not going to happen. Not that I actually do that often, but I COULD if not financially restricted.
GAWD! Ya know what's just sad... I keep getting distracted by my finger nails. Yeah really. I was looking at my finger nails and then the next thing I know I realize I've been contemplating my finger nails for 5 minutes. Fuck! What was in that COFFEE? Or was it the vitamin I took this morning? Was that a vitamin or was it one of those things my sister gave me... the supliments.. what the fuck is in them? What are the suplimenting? What do I need to be suplimented with? Sanity maybe? I don't think that comes in a pill though! Oh wait... Prozac... Maybe that's what I need, a Prozac chaser.
Speaking of drugs, one time I was on a date with this GUY and he was asking where I work and I said at the hospital and then he said something about how I must have access to drugs then. I was all "Uh... I take baby photos, I have nothing to do with drugs." And well that was pretty much the end of that date.
The finger nails are shiny! I can't stop looking at them! Wow aren't you glad you aren't here with me now? I'd be talking your ear off. I have like 10 more minutes until my next appointment and I'm thinking maybe I need to run around the building a few times first. I definitly don't need another cup of COFFEE though.
Wow... maybe I should go... I'll delete this when I get home and am sane.
Friday, February 10, 2006
When The Morning Starts With Vomit, You Know It’s Only Going Down Hill From There
The Little People want to kill me. I’m sure of it. Why else would they continue to crawl in bed with me and disturb my sleep? Why else would they want me to walk around like a zombie all day from lack of restful sleep? I need to explain to them that it’s not a good idea to off a parental unit if there is no life insurance policy to collect on. Also it’s a bad idea to off the only person who can fix your hair and dress you in matching clothes so you don’t spend every waking moment looking like a cross between a circus clown and a homeless person. I am planning that speech for tonight right before they bring me the hot tea laced with cyanide as I very well may gulp that down and ask for another cup if my day keeps going like it is now.
Where to start…. Just a couple of hours after I went to bed last night I was joined by my two offspring claiming to have had bad dreams and need to sleep with me. Being that I had been sound asleep and it was cold I didn’t feel like walking up the stairs and insisting they get back in their own beds and therefore let them sleep with me. *sigh* About 4 am Cabbage Patch wakes and tells me that her tummy hurts, probably from eating too much pizza (she actually said that) and instead of going with my internal Mommy Alarm, I just rubbed her tummy for her and told her to go back to sleep. 30 minutes later my folly was evident as she sat up and proceeded to puke in the middle of my bed. Where in I awoke completely and told her to go to the bathroom and throw up there! As she scrambled to the bathroom she proceeded to hurl on my pillow, and my comforter and the afghan and the floor in the bathroom, but I don’t believe at any time she ever did puke in the toilet. (Funny thing is, she sat on the toilet and said “Mommy, they squeezing my tummy!” and I said “Yes honey, that’s called throwing up, that’s what happens.” She’s never thrown up before; this was all new to her.)
A couple of hours later it’s time to get up and get Super Girl ready for school. I turn off my alarm … and fall asleep until K walks into the room at just after 7 to see if we are awake. Shit, now we are late! What fun! AND it was raining this morning! Woohoo! Running in the rain to make sure the offspring catches her bus was invigorating!
Later, my normally abnormally quiet child Cabbage Patch, decided that right during an important phone call I needed to take and needed her to be QUIET for that she needed to sing and talk to her self. 10 minutes after I reschedule the call for a QUIETER time NEXT week, she’s sound asleep! Sheesh!
On top of all that my FAT pants are too tight today. My tax refund didn’t get deposited today due to who-the-fuck-even-knows, but it didn’t and since they only deposit once a week, looks like it won’t come until Friday of next week. And there’s a waiting period for a gun but not a carton of Hagen Daz! Why? Why? The ice cream will only make my ass bigger – but the gun, oh the gun could make the world a happier place one asshole at a time. Well whatever, I have no gun or ice cream around anyway.
*sigh* back to washing pukey bed sheets.
The Little People want to kill me. I’m sure of it. Why else would they continue to crawl in bed with me and disturb my sleep? Why else would they want me to walk around like a zombie all day from lack of restful sleep? I need to explain to them that it’s not a good idea to off a parental unit if there is no life insurance policy to collect on. Also it’s a bad idea to off the only person who can fix your hair and dress you in matching clothes so you don’t spend every waking moment looking like a cross between a circus clown and a homeless person. I am planning that speech for tonight right before they bring me the hot tea laced with cyanide as I very well may gulp that down and ask for another cup if my day keeps going like it is now.
Where to start…. Just a couple of hours after I went to bed last night I was joined by my two offspring claiming to have had bad dreams and need to sleep with me. Being that I had been sound asleep and it was cold I didn’t feel like walking up the stairs and insisting they get back in their own beds and therefore let them sleep with me. *sigh* About 4 am Cabbage Patch wakes and tells me that her tummy hurts, probably from eating too much pizza (she actually said that) and instead of going with my internal Mommy Alarm, I just rubbed her tummy for her and told her to go back to sleep. 30 minutes later my folly was evident as she sat up and proceeded to puke in the middle of my bed. Where in I awoke completely and told her to go to the bathroom and throw up there! As she scrambled to the bathroom she proceeded to hurl on my pillow, and my comforter and the afghan and the floor in the bathroom, but I don’t believe at any time she ever did puke in the toilet. (Funny thing is, she sat on the toilet and said “Mommy, they squeezing my tummy!” and I said “Yes honey, that’s called throwing up, that’s what happens.” She’s never thrown up before; this was all new to her.)
A couple of hours later it’s time to get up and get Super Girl ready for school. I turn off my alarm … and fall asleep until K walks into the room at just after 7 to see if we are awake. Shit, now we are late! What fun! AND it was raining this morning! Woohoo! Running in the rain to make sure the offspring catches her bus was invigorating!
Later, my normally abnormally quiet child Cabbage Patch, decided that right during an important phone call I needed to take and needed her to be QUIET for that she needed to sing and talk to her self. 10 minutes after I reschedule the call for a QUIETER time NEXT week, she’s sound asleep! Sheesh!
On top of all that my FAT pants are too tight today. My tax refund didn’t get deposited today due to who-the-fuck-even-knows, but it didn’t and since they only deposit once a week, looks like it won’t come until Friday of next week. And there’s a waiting period for a gun but not a carton of Hagen Daz! Why? Why? The ice cream will only make my ass bigger – but the gun, oh the gun could make the world a happier place one asshole at a time. Well whatever, I have no gun or ice cream around anyway.
*sigh* back to washing pukey bed sheets.
Bad Connection
I hate it when people call for K. Well actually I hate when the call for him then talk to me like I know the information they want. Here’s a recent phone call I took:
Phone: *Ring!* *Ring!*
Me: Hello?
Them: Hi, I’m uh.. calling for K.
Me: I’m sorry he’s not home right now, he’s at work.
Them: Well… um.. I’m (insert random name) from the (insert random political organization) and was wondering, blah, blah, blah (sorry I just kind of zoned out at this point).
Me: Ooooookay… He’s not home right now.
Them: Well can I give you my phone number and my cell number and my office number and my social security number and my mother’s maiden name and every other possible way of getting a hold of me including the frequency for the homing device that’s implanted in my brain for just such an instance as this because I’m such an important person that people need to be able to get in touch with me every moment of every day even if I’m in the crapper? (it was something close to that, remember I said I zoned out)
Me: Uhhhhh… K has to take his test tonight so I’m not sure when he’ll be home. Why don’t you e-mail him, as that’s probably the best way to get in touch with him (*left unsaid but thought loudly* because I’m not about to take a freaking phone message. If the number on the caller ID isn’t enough then you are just out of luck dude! Just because I can ANSWER a phone doesn’t mean I’m responsible enough to actually TAKE a phone message AND deliver it! Sheesh! I have a short attention span! Give me a break! Ohhhh! Look! Shiny!)
Them: Oh, yeah, that would work. What’s his e-mail address?
Me: It’s.
Them: Ummmmm…. *starts spelling it out really slowly*
Me: *thinking* oh for fuck’s sake, just write it down and get off the phone. *speaking* (spelling out the addy and listening to him repeat every letter after I do until I get to a Y at which he hesitates and acts confused) …Y like yodel.
Them: Y like yodel? *sounding confused like I just told him to have romantic relations with a rabid poodle*
Me: Y like yodel… *him still sounding like a primo ‘tard* … Y like Yahoo.
Them: Oh, okay.
Me: Okay, just e-mail him.
Them: That sounds like a great idea. What I was wanting to do (my brain started to cramp about then and I don’t remember if he was talking about writing political letters or if he was describing the latest and greatest Discover Channel documentary about the mating of those red assed baboons.)
Me: *thinking* good lord man! Shut the fuck up! Isn’t your village missing their idiot by now? Won’t they be looking for you?
Them: yadda, yadda, yadda… So what is K taking a test in.
Me: *snapping back to the here and now* Huh? What? Oh, uh.. some math thing. Calculus or something like that, I really don’t have a clue.
Them: Oh I was just wondering because I’m a physist.
Me:*thinking - Physist? And he doesn’t know that YODEL starts with a Y? What are you, like Rain Man? Why are you still talking???* um hum.
Them: Well I’ll just go a head and e-mail him.
Me: Yeah, that’s a good idea.
Another person called for K and when I informed her that he was at work, she did the same thing! She started giving me all this information that there is no way in hell I’ll remember because quite frankly, Scarlet, I just don’t give a damn. Now when I call for someone and am told they aren’t home, I just ask when is a better time to call and call back. I don’t leave that monumental responsibility of taking a detailed and correct message to someone I don’t even know! Sheesh they might be as irresponsible or have as short of an attention span as I do! I often tell people to call back later if they want to talk to K, I know it’s bitchy but whatever, it’s better than saying “sorry, I may actually write your number down, but there’s no way in hell he’ll get this message unless he actually finds it before I forget what it is and throw it away. I’m just not responsible. And more importantly, I just don’t care. At the point that you asked for K and not for me, I totally zoned out so even if I SAY I’ll take your number I’m really not going to do it because I don’t even have a pen or pencil near me, I’m just going to pause like I am writing your number down but I won’t really, so you need to either call back after 7 or try mental telepathy. It’s nothing personal I’m just seriously ADD and I’ll forget you called in about 5 minutes, I’m easily distracted after all – oh look! Shiny!”
There are certain people who call for K and I recognize their number or name on caller ID and I won’t even pick up the phone if they call. No reason to, I don’t want to even hear their irritating voices much less have an irritating conversation with them where in they may or may not mispronounce IKEA or act surprised that K’s at work at 3 pm in the afternoon making me want to strangle them or ask me a detailed question about K’s plans for the weekend of which I am generally no part of and have no knowledge of. So I just don’t answer. I have call notes, it’s a damn good investment to me if I don’t have to actually TALK to these people.
So.. ummm yeah.. don’t call for K until he’s home from work.
I hate it when people call for K. Well actually I hate when the call for him then talk to me like I know the information they want. Here’s a recent phone call I took:
Phone: *Ring!* *Ring!*
Me: Hello?
Them: Hi, I’m uh.. calling for K.
Me: I’m sorry he’s not home right now, he’s at work.
Them: Well… um.. I’m (insert random name) from the (insert random political organization) and was wondering, blah, blah, blah (sorry I just kind of zoned out at this point).
Me: Ooooookay… He’s not home right now.
Them: Well can I give you my phone number and my cell number and my office number and my social security number and my mother’s maiden name and every other possible way of getting a hold of me including the frequency for the homing device that’s implanted in my brain for just such an instance as this because I’m such an important person that people need to be able to get in touch with me every moment of every day even if I’m in the crapper? (it was something close to that, remember I said I zoned out)
Me: Uhhhhh… K has to take his test tonight so I’m not sure when he’ll be home. Why don’t you e-mail him, as that’s probably the best way to get in touch with him (*left unsaid but thought loudly* because I’m not about to take a freaking phone message. If the number on the caller ID isn’t enough then you are just out of luck dude! Just because I can ANSWER a phone doesn’t mean I’m responsible enough to actually TAKE a phone message AND deliver it! Sheesh! I have a short attention span! Give me a break! Ohhhh! Look! Shiny!)
Them: Oh, yeah, that would work. What’s his e-mail address?
Me: It’s
Them: Ummmmm…. *starts spelling it out really slowly*
Me: *thinking* oh for fuck’s sake, just write it down and get off the phone. *speaking* (spelling out the addy and listening to him repeat every letter after I do until I get to a Y at which he hesitates and acts confused) …Y like yodel.
Them: Y like yodel? *sounding confused like I just told him to have romantic relations with a rabid poodle*
Me: Y like yodel… *him still sounding like a primo ‘tard* … Y like Yahoo.
Them: Oh, okay.
Me: Okay, just e-mail him.
Them: That sounds like a great idea. What I was wanting to do (my brain started to cramp about then and I don’t remember if he was talking about writing political letters or if he was describing the latest and greatest Discover Channel documentary about the mating of those red assed baboons.)
Me: *thinking* good lord man! Shut the fuck up! Isn’t your village missing their idiot by now? Won’t they be looking for you?
Them: yadda, yadda, yadda… So what is K taking a test in.
Me: *snapping back to the here and now* Huh? What? Oh, uh.. some math thing. Calculus or something like that, I really don’t have a clue.
Them: Oh I was just wondering because I’m a physist.
Me:*thinking - Physist? And he doesn’t know that YODEL starts with a Y? What are you, like Rain Man? Why are you still talking???* um hum.
Them: Well I’ll just go a head and e-mail him.
Me: Yeah, that’s a good idea.
Another person called for K and when I informed her that he was at work, she did the same thing! She started giving me all this information that there is no way in hell I’ll remember because quite frankly, Scarlet, I just don’t give a damn. Now when I call for someone and am told they aren’t home, I just ask when is a better time to call and call back. I don’t leave that monumental responsibility of taking a detailed and correct message to someone I don’t even know! Sheesh they might be as irresponsible or have as short of an attention span as I do! I often tell people to call back later if they want to talk to K, I know it’s bitchy but whatever, it’s better than saying “sorry, I may actually write your number down, but there’s no way in hell he’ll get this message unless he actually finds it before I forget what it is and throw it away. I’m just not responsible. And more importantly, I just don’t care. At the point that you asked for K and not for me, I totally zoned out so even if I SAY I’ll take your number I’m really not going to do it because I don’t even have a pen or pencil near me, I’m just going to pause like I am writing your number down but I won’t really, so you need to either call back after 7 or try mental telepathy. It’s nothing personal I’m just seriously ADD and I’ll forget you called in about 5 minutes, I’m easily distracted after all – oh look! Shiny!
There are certain people who call for K and I recognize their number or name on caller ID and I won’t even pick up the phone if they call. No reason to, I don’t want to even hear their irritating voices much less have an irritating conversation with them where in they may or may not mispronounce IKEA or act surprised that K’s at work at 3 pm in the afternoon making me want to strangle them or ask me a detailed question about K’s plans for the weekend of which I am generally no part of and have no knowledge of. So I just don’t answer. I have call notes, it’s a damn good investment to me if I don’t have to actually TALK to these people.
So.. ummm yeah.. don’t call for K until he’s home from work.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Coffee Shop Talk
An inebriated gay man telling me how FABULOUS my hair is, which he can NOT keep his hands off and continues to PET my hair several times more than is polite in public – nearly to the point of me turning and saying “Say… you keep doing that I’m going to start to suspect you’re really straight.”
Same above mentioned inebriated gay man telling me (and everyone else in the café) that my hair is fabulous, just a fabulous STRAWBERRY BLOND. Not so much.
Again the fore mentioned inebriated gay man leaning over to me to stage whisper ask if I had coke, then when I and La SEG both said no, to stage whisper (loud enough for half of the café to hear) ask the next table if they had coke and to hear the gay men at that table suggest he ask a drag queen because they don’t have any.
What can I say, the inebriated gay man left quite the impression, after one of his hair petting moments he commented how fabulous it was, what a great color it was and asked who did, to which I replied I did it and he announced to the café that “White girls know how to do their hair!” Who can argue with that?
And people wonder why we insist on going to the gay Café Brazil, this kind of shit never happens at the Waffle House!
Kitty Porn
Well this WAS supposed to be a cool Yin/Yang cat thing that they were doing but as soon as I broke out the camera to take their phot, the damn cats decided to look at me and smile so the shot kind of looks like they were caught in a romantic snuggle.
An inebriated gay man telling me how FABULOUS my hair is, which he can NOT keep his hands off and continues to PET my hair several times more than is polite in public – nearly to the point of me turning and saying “Say… you keep doing that I’m going to start to suspect you’re really straight.”
Same above mentioned inebriated gay man telling me (and everyone else in the café) that my hair is fabulous, just a fabulous STRAWBERRY BLOND. Not so much.
Again the fore mentioned inebriated gay man leaning over to me to stage whisper ask if I had coke, then when I and La SEG both said no, to stage whisper (loud enough for half of the café to hear) ask the next table if they had coke and to hear the gay men at that table suggest he ask a drag queen because they don’t have any.
What can I say, the inebriated gay man left quite the impression, after one of his hair petting moments he commented how fabulous it was, what a great color it was and asked who did, to which I replied I did it and he announced to the café that “White girls know how to do their hair!” Who can argue with that?
And people wonder why we insist on going to the gay Café Brazil, this kind of shit never happens at the Waffle House!
Kitty Porn
Well this WAS supposed to be a cool Yin/Yang cat thing that they were doing but as soon as I broke out the camera to take their phot, the damn cats decided to look at me and smile so the shot kind of looks like they were caught in a romantic snuggle.
I Take My Coffee Like My Men; Strong, Sweet And Light… Occasionally With A Shot Of Booze, Or Maybe Of An Exotic Flavor in A Café Surrounded By Gay People, Sometimes Cold, Covered In Whipped Cream in Plastic, Handed To Me Through A Drive Through Window… Ummm.. What Are We Talking About?
When life has gone desperately crazy and situations have run rampantly out of control, sometimes the best way to get back on track is to get back to the routine. Meeting for coffee is a good start.
Hot coffee makes the funny parts funnier, the painful parts sting a little less. It’s good to know that even though so much seems to have changes, some things stay the same. Drinking coffee until 2:30 am. 3:30 am to bed does not make 6:30 am look appealing. Worth it though.
It’s the simple things that make life worth living though. Coffee at midnight, watching inappropriate cartoons and laughing, listening to really bad karaoke… Favorite things in my life I’ve come to look forward to.
When life has gone desperately crazy and situations have run rampantly out of control, sometimes the best way to get back on track is to get back to the routine. Meeting for coffee is a good start.
Hot coffee makes the funny parts funnier, the painful parts sting a little less. It’s good to know that even though so much seems to have changes, some things stay the same. Drinking coffee until 2:30 am. 3:30 am to bed does not make 6:30 am look appealing. Worth it though.
It’s the simple things that make life worth living though. Coffee at midnight, watching inappropriate cartoons and laughing, listening to really bad karaoke… Favorite things in my life I’ve come to look forward to.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Crap To Fill Space!
You are the Lovers card. The Lovers card is about union. Each of us carries in our DNA the ability to be the opposite of what we think
we are. Often our romantic attachments grow out of awe and respect as we see in another the characteristics we repress in ourselves.
Society often presses us into molds of what it thinks masculinity and femininity should be. As a result, many of us associate with our gender certain positive characteristics and call others negative, when if these same qualities were held by a person of the opposite sex, our attitude towards them would be reversed. Getting in touch with our inner animus and anima, (Jung's terms for our inner male and female), allows us to see the whole of our personalities in a positive and constructive light.
When you draw The Lovers card in a reading, you are working with balancing these forces. Depending on where the card is, you have either achieved balance
or need to. The Lovers could indicate a romantic or even a platonic relationship. Ask
yourself is this is a positive relationship that contributes to your growth as a complete human being, or if it fills an emotional craving within you that is actually
detrimental to your personal growth.
Image
from: The Iranian artist Riza.
http://www.metmuseum.org/collections/view1.asp?dep=14&item=50%2E164
Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the Lovers card. The Lovers card is about union. Each of us carries in our DNA the ability to be the opposite of what we think
we are. Often our romantic attachments grow out of awe and respect as we see in another the characteristics we repress in ourselves.
Society often presses us into molds of what it thinks masculinity and femininity should be. As a result, many of us associate with our gender certain positive characteristics and call others negative, when if these same qualities were held by a person of the opposite sex, our attitude towards them would be reversed. Getting in touch with our inner animus and anima, (Jung's terms for our inner male and female), allows us to see the whole of our personalities in a positive and constructive light.
When you draw The Lovers card in a reading, you are working with balancing these forces. Depending on where the card is, you have either achieved balance
or need to. The Lovers could indicate a romantic or even a platonic relationship. Ask
yourself is this is a positive relationship that contributes to your growth as a complete human being, or if it fills an emotional craving within you that is actually
detrimental to your personal growth.
Image
from: The Iranian artist Riza.
http://www.metmuseum.org/collections/view1.asp?dep=14&item=50%2E164
Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Works With VHS and BetaMax!
Despite the fact that she has a room FULL of toys (not an exaggeration) Cabbage Patch would much rather build towers with the VCR tapes (of which we have a couple hundred). At this point you may be wondering WHY we have a VCR tapes let alone a VCR when we have such a fine DVD player and that photo above should answer your question. Rain Man herself would have a fit if the tapes were to disappear. (eyes rolling up in head)
Work Crap…
Tonight is a MANDATORY work meeting. Supposedly this is so ground breaking and earth shattering that we all MUST be there. But I believe ALL of them are mandatory and well I haven’t made a meeting in 3 years. Whatever.
New Beds
I believe K and I have agreed upon new beds for the Little People. The Little People are DIEING for bunk beds but I am morally, generally and safetyishly against bunk beds. Neither of my children posses anything close to grace and the oldest is best described as an accident waiting for something sharp to bleed on. I love her to death the little klutz, the two years of dance class did nothing to help her with this, only magnified it to me as I watched her fall right on her ass just walking off stage. Shoe laces are a safety hazard for her, and have made me consider Velcro for her shoes but realizing that the poor child is doomed to geekiness based purely upon the fact that K and I are the ones who are responsible for her genetic make up, I just have to let it go and hope for the best. This child can’t get through the day without tripping over her feet or falling over an invisible bump, so why do I want to let her sleep in a bunk bed? Why do I want to wake several times every night wondering if she’s already fallen off the bed and suffered a concussion or something? I don’t! Case closed! No bunk beds.
What I have decided on is cute matching beds from IKEA and some really adorable sheets and stuff that will match. Of course when we get to the store the Tiny Terrorists will argue about the sheets and quilt covers and nothing will match and it will throw my obsessive compulsive part of my brain out of whack and I’ll go insane somewhere around the house wears and plastics area.
Okay, enough of all this, I have laundry to do.
Despite the fact that she has a room FULL of toys (not an exaggeration) Cabbage Patch would much rather build towers with the VCR tapes (of which we have a couple hundred). At this point you may be wondering WHY we have a VCR tapes let alone a VCR when we have such a fine DVD player and that photo above should answer your question. Rain Man herself would have a fit if the tapes were to disappear. (eyes rolling up in head)
Work Crap…
Tonight is a MANDATORY work meeting. Supposedly this is so ground breaking and earth shattering that we all MUST be there. But I believe ALL of them are mandatory and well I haven’t made a meeting in 3 years. Whatever.
New Beds
I believe K and I have agreed upon new beds for the Little People. The Little People are DIEING for bunk beds but I am morally, generally and safetyishly against bunk beds. Neither of my children posses anything close to grace and the oldest is best described as an accident waiting for something sharp to bleed on. I love her to death the little klutz, the two years of dance class did nothing to help her with this, only magnified it to me as I watched her fall right on her ass just walking off stage. Shoe laces are a safety hazard for her, and have made me consider Velcro for her shoes but realizing that the poor child is doomed to geekiness based purely upon the fact that K and I are the ones who are responsible for her genetic make up, I just have to let it go and hope for the best. This child can’t get through the day without tripping over her feet or falling over an invisible bump, so why do I want to let her sleep in a bunk bed? Why do I want to wake several times every night wondering if she’s already fallen off the bed and suffered a concussion or something? I don’t! Case closed! No bunk beds.
What I have decided on is cute matching beds from IKEA and some really adorable sheets and stuff that will match. Of course when we get to the store the Tiny Terrorists will argue about the sheets and quilt covers and nothing will match and it will throw my obsessive compulsive part of my brain out of whack and I’ll go insane somewhere around the house wears and plastics area.
Okay, enough of all this, I have laundry to do.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Meme-day! Oh Wait, It’s Tuesday…
I figured I’d do this instead of make snarky comments about other people on the web and how their children always look like rag muffins and how other people can never seem to fix their kids hair in a way that makes me not want to set that person on fire and roast marshmallows. So yeah, it’s probably a lot safer to do this stupid meme and not add to the list of ‘People Who Don’t Like Me’.
Four jobs I’ve had
1. I once worked as a temporary receptionist for Houghton Mifflin for one whole day. I had to answer the phone with “Hello, Houghton Mifflin, how may I direct your call?” except that Houghton Mifflin was a hard one for me to remember how to say AND they were VERY busy for a few hours so I was answering the phone with: “Hooton Moofflin, how may I direct your call?” “Hufflin Mufflin, please hold.” “Hootin Hooflin, please hold.” “Mifflin Mufflin, please hold!” “Hufffgraaa Muffliton *click*” Eventually toward the end of the day, I finally got it right. For some reason they let me leave a half an hour early and never asked me to come back.
2. I worked for a private airline that had about 100 employees with only 4 of them (including me) being female, only two of those were under 50 and only 1 of them (me) was a single 19 year old college student who always wore short skirts. I loved that place; all I did was answer the phone and flirt with all the pilots and mechanics that for some reason had a lot of excuses to be in the lobby all the time. This is also the place I came to hate poinsettias due to the 500 plants they put in the freaking lobby that year that I had to stare at for a month and a half.
3. A maid for a disabled woman. It was actually pretty cool; she was very nice even though she ate a lot of SPAM.
4. I’m a baby photographer. It rocks. Most of the time.
Four movies I can watch over and over
1. Everafter
2. Lord Of The Rings
3. Two Towers
4. Return Of The King
(Now four movies I’ve had to watch over and over and restrain myself from jabbing my eyes out)
1. The Great Longneck Migration (Yeah Thanks K’s dad for getting the kids THAT little gem)
2. Lady and The Tramp (Classic my ass!)
3. Thomas The Tank Engine (Oh good gawd, that is the most fucked up, somebody must have been smoking crack when they made it kids’ movie I’ve ever seen! Again – THANKS K’s dad! Thanks for the DVD AND my new prescription to Prozac.)
4. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (I hated this movie as a kid and I absolutely loath it as an adult. Luckily for me it’s just a borrowed DVD so it will be RETURNED VERY soon and I’ll stop having homicidal dreams to that stupid theme song.)
Four places I have lived
1. New Orleans, La.
2. Detroit, Mi.
3. San Antonio, Tx.
4. Corpus Christi, Tx.
Four TV shows I love
1. American Dad
2. The Boondocks
3. Family Guy
4. Futurama
Four places I’ve vacationed (don’t be surprised that it’s a LAME list)
1. Guthrie, Ok.
2. Turner Falls in Ok.
3. Various lame ass places in Northern La to visit family
4. My own home.
Four of my favorite dishes
1. Super Hot chicken curry
2. Super Hot Chinese food
3. Spicy seafood gumbo
4. Tamales
Four sites I visit daily
1. CNN.com
2. stuffonmycat.com
3. cuteoverload.com
4. bigdicks.com… just kidding, I made that up. PVPonline.com
and of course every single solitary person I know of who has a blog that I know the web address to. Honestly. At least once a day…. Or once a week… whatever, most of you should update more often.
Four places I would rather be right now
1. In bed with a hot, sexually talented man
2. In bed with a hot, sexually explicit book
3. In bed with a hot, sexually satisfying BOB
4. In bed with all of the above. Or maybe just taking a long nap.
Four people I am tagging
1. Bast
2. Petey
3. Luna
4. Dawn
Now, because I’ve TAGGED you, you MUST do this or your underwear drawer will be invaded by thousands of angry gerbils.
I figured I’d do this instead of make snarky comments about other people on the web and how their children always look like rag muffins and how other people can never seem to fix their kids hair in a way that makes me not want to set that person on fire and roast marshmallows. So yeah, it’s probably a lot safer to do this stupid meme and not add to the list of ‘People Who Don’t Like Me’.
Four jobs I’ve had
1. I once worked as a temporary receptionist for Houghton Mifflin for one whole day. I had to answer the phone with “Hello, Houghton Mifflin, how may I direct your call?” except that Houghton Mifflin was a hard one for me to remember how to say AND they were VERY busy for a few hours so I was answering the phone with: “Hooton Moofflin, how may I direct your call?” “Hufflin Mufflin, please hold.” “Hootin Hooflin, please hold.” “Mifflin Mufflin, please hold!” “Hufffgraaa Muffliton *click*” Eventually toward the end of the day, I finally got it right. For some reason they let me leave a half an hour early and never asked me to come back.
2. I worked for a private airline that had about 100 employees with only 4 of them (including me) being female, only two of those were under 50 and only 1 of them (me) was a single 19 year old college student who always wore short skirts. I loved that place; all I did was answer the phone and flirt with all the pilots and mechanics that for some reason had a lot of excuses to be in the lobby all the time. This is also the place I came to hate poinsettias due to the 500 plants they put in the freaking lobby that year that I had to stare at for a month and a half.
3. A maid for a disabled woman. It was actually pretty cool; she was very nice even though she ate a lot of SPAM.
4. I’m a baby photographer. It rocks. Most of the time.
Four movies I can watch over and over
1. Everafter
2. Lord Of The Rings
3. Two Towers
4. Return Of The King
(Now four movies I’ve had to watch over and over and restrain myself from jabbing my eyes out)
1. The Great Longneck Migration (Yeah Thanks K’s dad for getting the kids THAT little gem)
2. Lady and The Tramp (Classic my ass!)
3. Thomas The Tank Engine (Oh good gawd, that is the most fucked up, somebody must have been smoking crack when they made it kids’ movie I’ve ever seen! Again – THANKS K’s dad! Thanks for the DVD AND my new prescription to Prozac.)
4. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (I hated this movie as a kid and I absolutely loath it as an adult. Luckily for me it’s just a borrowed DVD so it will be RETURNED VERY soon and I’ll stop having homicidal dreams to that stupid theme song.)
Four places I have lived
1. New Orleans, La.
2. Detroit, Mi.
3. San Antonio, Tx.
4. Corpus Christi, Tx.
Four TV shows I love
1. American Dad
2. The Boondocks
3. Family Guy
4. Futurama
Four places I’ve vacationed (don’t be surprised that it’s a LAME list)
1. Guthrie, Ok.
2. Turner Falls in Ok.
3. Various lame ass places in Northern La to visit family
4. My own home.
Four of my favorite dishes
1. Super Hot chicken curry
2. Super Hot Chinese food
3. Spicy seafood gumbo
4. Tamales
Four sites I visit daily
1. CNN.com
2. stuffonmycat.com
3. cuteoverload.com
4. bigdicks.com… just kidding, I made that up. PVPonline.com
and of course every single solitary person I know of who has a blog that I know the web address to. Honestly. At least once a day…. Or once a week… whatever, most of you should update more often.
Four places I would rather be right now
1. In bed with a hot, sexually talented man
2. In bed with a hot, sexually explicit book
3. In bed with a hot, sexually satisfying BOB
4. In bed with all of the above. Or maybe just taking a long nap.
Four people I am tagging
1. Bast
2. Petey
3. Luna
4. Dawn
Now, because I’ve TAGGED you, you MUST do this or your underwear drawer will be invaded by thousands of angry gerbils.
Monday, February 06, 2006
First Step Is Recognizing The Problem
Being sick was a very interesting experience to say the least. I found myself wanting to sleep 23 of the 24 hours. Actually at night I would find myself desperately sleepy when I would go to bed but a couple of hours into my sleep routine I’d be AWAKE. Worst of all I wouldn’t just wake up, I would kind of startle awake. What sucked about that the MOST is that my tiny little cat Sunshine is a stalker at night. She will sneak into my room at night and sit on the pillow next to me… and watch me… just purring and watching. It’s creepy. And waking in a Nyquil induced paranoia to a small purring feline just inches from ones face is disconcerting to say the least. I swore off the Nyquil after one night of bad dreams, kitty stalkers and little sleep. Anyway, I’ve kicked the Nyquil habit (at least until the next horrible cold/flu/monkey pox outbreak).
Being sick was a very interesting experience to say the least. I found myself wanting to sleep 23 of the 24 hours. Actually at night I would find myself desperately sleepy when I would go to bed but a couple of hours into my sleep routine I’d be AWAKE. Worst of all I wouldn’t just wake up, I would kind of startle awake. What sucked about that the MOST is that my tiny little cat Sunshine is a stalker at night. She will sneak into my room at night and sit on the pillow next to me… and watch me… just purring and watching. It’s creepy. And waking in a Nyquil induced paranoia to a small purring feline just inches from ones face is disconcerting to say the least. I swore off the Nyquil after one night of bad dreams, kitty stalkers and little sleep. Anyway, I’ve kicked the Nyquil habit (at least until the next horrible cold/flu/monkey pox outbreak).
Monday Morning Boo-Boo
Awwww... Cabbage Patch had a boo-boo this morning (I have no idea how, she just walked up to me with a forlorne look and told me in a rather dramatic tone that she NEEDED a bandaid for the 2 drops of blood that had leaked from her tiny little finger). To be honest, that photo is totally staged. I had to beg her to pout.
Silly Girl
This is the first photo I took, she was so HAPPY to have a BANDAID. But whatever, I just thought she was terribly cute.
Terrorist Threat Level Lowered
Last night on a whim (moment of insanity) I took the Little People (AKA The Tiny Terrorist) with me to a Super Bowl party. The invitation had been extended to myself and the Little People yet I still hadn't planned on bringing them until K arrived home on Sunday with a horrible headache. Despite my misgivngs and lack of duct tape, I took the Little People with me and gave them specific instructions on the hell I would make them endure if they misbehaved at the party and HOPED for the best (Read back in December of their antics when I thought having lunch with them and friends was a GOOD idea instead of ahorrific experience that it truly turned out to be). A drive through McD's for chicken nuggets, french fries and CHOCOLATE SHAKES ensured there would be no repeat of December's FOOD ISSUES. As soon as we arrived at Sable & Lerxst's, I ushered my progeny past people and into the containment area to eat their dinner and watch movies. I gave them kisses and instructions to not mess with anything and NOT LEAVE the room unless someone was bleeding or on fire, then left them to go watch the Super Bowl commercials (I hate football, the commercials were intersting tough) and gossip with friends.
The entire time I waited for Chaos and Destruction to erupt from the room and for me to have to use the tranquilizer darts to subdue my progeny before dragging them out of the house in utter embarassment and humiliation and with my parenting abilities being questioned by everyone in the house as well as anyone in a 2 mile radius of the house. I secretly prayed that their homeowners insurance would pay for any possible damages and that they wouldn't sue. Completly unnecessary. My Tiny Terrorists did not live up to their names. Every time I checked on them they were sitting quietly watching a movie. Never once did I find them with wire cutters and plans for making a bomb, nor did I find them with a secret stash of Anthrax, empty envelopes to fill and a list of political figures to mail the envelopes to. They did however leave the room from time to time but it was never anything serious and it was amusing to hear people say "Oh! Terrorist escape!" when one of them would come out of the room.
We left shortly after the game and the Little People were happy to have Sable's copy of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to borrow (and drive me even closer to utter and complete madness with. WTF is that movie all about? That's so fucked up!). All in all it turned out well, no property damage, no law suites and no need for duct tape.
Off to clean and all.. oh yes, I am over my horrible case of Monkey Pox or Bird Flu or Alien Experimentation or what the hell ever it was. Much better. I'm almost sad to say good bye to the Nyquill though.
Awwww... Cabbage Patch had a boo-boo this morning (I have no idea how, she just walked up to me with a forlorne look and told me in a rather dramatic tone that she NEEDED a bandaid for the 2 drops of blood that had leaked from her tiny little finger). To be honest, that photo is totally staged. I had to beg her to pout.
Silly Girl
This is the first photo I took, she was so HAPPY to have a BANDAID. But whatever, I just thought she was terribly cute.
Terrorist Threat Level Lowered
Last night on a whim (moment of insanity) I took the Little People (AKA The Tiny Terrorist) with me to a Super Bowl party. The invitation had been extended to myself and the Little People yet I still hadn't planned on bringing them until K arrived home on Sunday with a horrible headache. Despite my misgivngs and lack of duct tape, I took the Little People with me and gave them specific instructions on the hell I would make them endure if they misbehaved at the party and HOPED for the best (Read back in December of their antics when I thought having lunch with them and friends was a GOOD idea instead of ahorrific experience that it truly turned out to be). A drive through McD's for chicken nuggets, french fries and CHOCOLATE SHAKES ensured there would be no repeat of December's FOOD ISSUES. As soon as we arrived at Sable & Lerxst's, I ushered my progeny past people and into the containment area to eat their dinner and watch movies. I gave them kisses and instructions to not mess with anything and NOT LEAVE the room unless someone was bleeding or on fire, then left them to go watch the Super Bowl commercials (I hate football, the commercials were intersting tough) and gossip with friends.
The entire time I waited for Chaos and Destruction to erupt from the room and for me to have to use the tranquilizer darts to subdue my progeny before dragging them out of the house in utter embarassment and humiliation and with my parenting abilities being questioned by everyone in the house as well as anyone in a 2 mile radius of the house. I secretly prayed that their homeowners insurance would pay for any possible damages and that they wouldn't sue. Completly unnecessary. My Tiny Terrorists did not live up to their names. Every time I checked on them they were sitting quietly watching a movie. Never once did I find them with wire cutters and plans for making a bomb, nor did I find them with a secret stash of Anthrax, empty envelopes to fill and a list of political figures to mail the envelopes to. They did however leave the room from time to time but it was never anything serious and it was amusing to hear people say "Oh! Terrorist escape!" when one of them would come out of the room.
We left shortly after the game and the Little People were happy to have Sable's copy of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to borrow (and drive me even closer to utter and complete madness with. WTF is that movie all about? That's so fucked up!). All in all it turned out well, no property damage, no law suites and no need for duct tape.
Off to clean and all.. oh yes, I am over my horrible case of Monkey Pox or Bird Flu or Alien Experimentation or what the hell ever it was. Much better. I'm almost sad to say good bye to the Nyquill though.
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