Breaking Up Is Hard To Do!
Dear Laundry;
I hate you. I never want to see your needy ass again! Leave! Now! Stop hanging around! I’ve tried to get rid of you before by being nice and catering to your every whim but alas it was no use. You just kept coming back. And now you are EVERYWHERE. I can’t take a fucking step without you in my face these days. I hate you. I really do. Did you hear that? I said I hate you. Why do you keep tormenting me? Why do you demand so much of my time? Why, why, why? Why do I have to keep going into your room and tending to you? Why do I have to keep gathering you up off the floor like a sad drunken girlfriend after the company Christmas party? Why is that when I give you my undivided attention, it’s still not enough – you hide things from me so I’ll never be done with you? I hate how you sometimes hide under my bed or behind the bathroom door. It’s creepy! Stop it! Just stay in your room and stop getting larger – you frighten me. Leave me alone.
With Much Fabric Softener;
Judy
Dear Chocolate;
I thought I told you to leave my house? Why must you torment me with your sweetness? No, no wait… don’t go! You know I love you! I know you are bad for me, but I can’t help loving you. You’ve been there for me. Like when Laundry has tormented me day and night, it’s always you who cheers me up. Some people don’t understand our love so I must ask you to leave and stay away for a long time because you are so bad for me (just look at the size of my ass! That’s your fault you know!). Not forever, you know I can’t have that – I’m weak after all, just leave for now… Leave tomorrow… or maybe the next day… by the end of the week for sure. I just need some space (for my ever growing ass) and some time to find myself (and a way to fit my butt back into my pants) just for a little while. I promise it’s just temporary. I wish I knew how to quit you. Don’t hate me, just go before I make you stay.
With much sadness and many cravings;
Judy
Yeah I know what you are thinking… I’m thinking that too… I really should get laid more often.
*ps, I know I promised to write about TRF, I know, I know… I’ve been busy so fuck off.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Bruce Springsteen Needs To DIE!
Every damn morning I drive into work and listen to the radio (JACK because there are no DJ’s to ruin my morning and suck out the last bit of my working brain cells with their vapid conversation) I hear a fucking Bruce Springsteen song. I dislike his songs so very much I’d happily kick him in the nuts if I ever did see him. I despised his songs when he WAS popular (come on, he sounds like he’s badly constipated in every song he sings. Someone give that man some ExLax!), I hated his stupid sleeveless plaid shirts and bandana combo and I thought he was just one ugly mutha-fucka. My opinion is the same. I wonder what I’ve done in life that has caused me to suffer such karmic punishment as to hear his constipated voice ever damn morning on my drive in.
Enough about my unnatural aversion to The Boss, on to other disturbing things. Today is the third day in a row that my offspring have been HOME. Yes THREE DAYS IN A FUCKING ROW! I think everyone on the school board needs to be kicked in the crotch. Why are my Tiny Terrorists out of school you may be asking? My immediate answer is “To drive me insane!” but that would only be half true, seems these days are teacher inservice days because of it’s the end of the first 9 week grading period. Friday was set aside for parent teacher conferences, Monday was deemed ‘Fair Day’ (how lucky for everyone that it was raining!) and today is just another day to make parental units wish for more alcohol. Oh and I’m wishing! Because I’m completely disorganized I didn’t realize my offspring were out of school for three days until Thursday of last week. Fabulous. I had to scramble for a sitter for Friday because that’s my busiest day of the week. Parent teacher conference day was Friday which I KNEW about but didn’t realize the offspring would be out of school so I didn’t write a note asking to reschedule as I thought I could do that on Thursday (actually I HAD written a note a week earlier saying that I had to work and was wondering if we could do the conference over the phone to which Cabbage Patch’s teacher said NO that she only wanted to do it in person and Super Girl’s teacher never responded). So whatever, I totally suck at this PARENT stuff at the moment. Suffice to say, I suck at the moment and so does the school, so we are even.
Moving on… Yesterday was a day of SHOPPING. I bought an obscene amount of clothing for an insanely low price. I’m still pinching myself because I can’t believe I got an amazingly fabulous evening gown for $30 (the original tag was $160). All the merchandise in the store is probably hot, but who cares! I got the dress for $30!!!
Okay, must go. Have to shower and get ready to lunch with Shana to discuss baby shower plans.
Stay tuned! My full report on Pirate Weekend at TRF! Woohoo!
Every damn morning I drive into work and listen to the radio (JACK because there are no DJ’s to ruin my morning and suck out the last bit of my working brain cells with their vapid conversation) I hear a fucking Bruce Springsteen song. I dislike his songs so very much I’d happily kick him in the nuts if I ever did see him. I despised his songs when he WAS popular (come on, he sounds like he’s badly constipated in every song he sings. Someone give that man some ExLax!), I hated his stupid sleeveless plaid shirts and bandana combo and I thought he was just one ugly mutha-fucka. My opinion is the same. I wonder what I’ve done in life that has caused me to suffer such karmic punishment as to hear his constipated voice ever damn morning on my drive in.
Enough about my unnatural aversion to The Boss, on to other disturbing things. Today is the third day in a row that my offspring have been HOME. Yes THREE DAYS IN A FUCKING ROW! I think everyone on the school board needs to be kicked in the crotch. Why are my Tiny Terrorists out of school you may be asking? My immediate answer is “To drive me insane!” but that would only be half true, seems these days are teacher inservice days because of it’s the end of the first 9 week grading period. Friday was set aside for parent teacher conferences, Monday was deemed ‘Fair Day’ (how lucky for everyone that it was raining!) and today is just another day to make parental units wish for more alcohol. Oh and I’m wishing! Because I’m completely disorganized I didn’t realize my offspring were out of school for three days until Thursday of last week. Fabulous. I had to scramble for a sitter for Friday because that’s my busiest day of the week. Parent teacher conference day was Friday which I KNEW about but didn’t realize the offspring would be out of school so I didn’t write a note asking to reschedule as I thought I could do that on Thursday (actually I HAD written a note a week earlier saying that I had to work and was wondering if we could do the conference over the phone to which Cabbage Patch’s teacher said NO that she only wanted to do it in person and Super Girl’s teacher never responded). So whatever, I totally suck at this PARENT stuff at the moment. Suffice to say, I suck at the moment and so does the school, so we are even.
Moving on… Yesterday was a day of SHOPPING. I bought an obscene amount of clothing for an insanely low price. I’m still pinching myself because I can’t believe I got an amazingly fabulous evening gown for $30 (the original tag was $160). All the merchandise in the store is probably hot, but who cares! I got the dress for $30!!!
Okay, must go. Have to shower and get ready to lunch with Shana to discuss baby shower plans.
Stay tuned! My full report on Pirate Weekend at TRF! Woohoo!
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Won't YOU Take Me To Funky Town?
Good lord, I'm completly in a funk today - I wonder if it has something to do with the hours and hours of Muppets that have been playing at casa de Karmically Challenged. I'm starting to identify with the cranky old men in balcony. Who knows, maybe I'm just dehydrated, a nice cool beverage might perk me up... if it was mostly Vodka that is.
I'm just being random now... Deal with it.
Because I believe in truth in advertising.
And wearing a shirt that says "Look At My Tits!" just seems lame.
Recognition is great. Nothing like calling someone and when they ask who it is to say "It's that crazy bitch from Dallas!" and have them reply "Judy! How are you?"
Last week while driving to work and suffering through morning radio, I caught a small portion of some crap on a morning radio station. Some woman had called in because she believed her husband was cheating with a neighbor because he sent her some rose bulbs and a free magazine subscription. The radio DJ's got the man on the phone to 'bust' him and from what I gathered, they did. Or whatever. It was actually kind of stupid so I just kept listening because I could not believe it was actually happening. First off if you believe your spouse is cheating on you WHY the fuck would you try to bust them on a morning radio program? Honestly, WHY? That's just lacking class. Just go to the divorce lawyer if you can't trust them.
Purple popsicles suck. WHy do they even put them in the box of popsicles? I must have 20 purple popsicles in my freezer and no one wants to eat the damn things.
Okay... I need to take the Muppets DVD out and put it away for a long long time. They are having hillbilly muppets doing a song "I'm My Own Grampa" which is disturbing because it makes me think of my family in Arkansas.
Okay off to list my purple popsicles on E-Bay.
Good lord, I'm completly in a funk today - I wonder if it has something to do with the hours and hours of Muppets that have been playing at casa de Karmically Challenged. I'm starting to identify with the cranky old men in balcony. Who knows, maybe I'm just dehydrated, a nice cool beverage might perk me up... if it was mostly Vodka that is.
I'm just being random now... Deal with it.
Because I believe in truth in advertising.
And wearing a shirt that says "Look At My Tits!" just seems lame.
Recognition is great. Nothing like calling someone and when they ask who it is to say "It's that crazy bitch from Dallas!" and have them reply "Judy! How are you?"
Last week while driving to work and suffering through morning radio, I caught a small portion of some crap on a morning radio station. Some woman had called in because she believed her husband was cheating with a neighbor because he sent her some rose bulbs and a free magazine subscription. The radio DJ's got the man on the phone to 'bust' him and from what I gathered, they did. Or whatever. It was actually kind of stupid so I just kept listening because I could not believe it was actually happening. First off if you believe your spouse is cheating on you WHY the fuck would you try to bust them on a morning radio program? Honestly, WHY? That's just lacking class. Just go to the divorce lawyer if you can't trust them.
Purple popsicles suck. WHy do they even put them in the box of popsicles? I must have 20 purple popsicles in my freezer and no one wants to eat the damn things.
Okay... I need to take the Muppets DVD out and put it away for a long long time. They are having hillbilly muppets doing a song "I'm My Own Grampa" which is disturbing because it makes me think of my family in Arkansas.
Okay off to list my purple popsicles on E-Bay.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
National Can’t Finish A Fucking Thing Month
What? What’s that you say? There is no such thing? Are you sure? Because I’m not totally convinced of that. I can’t seem to get shit done. Sadly I started celebrating this month early. I missed my dr. appointment the middle of last week because my voice mail is possessed by demons and didn’t show any messages on my phone until Sunday when it showed 10 and by then I had already missed the reminder for my doctors appointment. I must have a doctor that had reminder calls or I’ll never EVER make it to an appointment. I’ll have a vague recollection that I was supposed to see someone about a something on some day but then I’ll just forget to call and ask anyone about what I could possibly have needed. That’s what happened. I knew I needed to see this dr for a stupid follow up to say “Yeah, these pills work!” and then have her renew my prescription for a year. Why can’t I just call it in? So whatever. But now I know that I missed the appointment and it’s practically Friday and I haven’t called to rescheduled.
What else? Oh yeah, the three other blog posts that I’ve started and haven’t finished. All this BLOG stuff is still cramming my tiny little brain and I just haven’t gotten the blogs out to clear up the space. Damn it. It’s like having 10 midgets in a clown car up there. Never mind. Don’t try to think that one through.
I have countless other things I need to get done and people to see but fuck it if I can get to that either. I have two dresses to finish for myself, two fairy costumes to finish and a pile of sewing that I must complete soon and fuck me if I’m not sitting here in front of the computer. And let’s not even think about the house cleaning!
This whole working Monday through Friday is really messing with cleaning. Not that I’m even a half assed house keeper, but damn the little bit I did do is now not getting done very well. I need a maid… or a slave. Don’t care as long as they clean.
Fuck. I need to go do some laundry or I’ll be headed to work commando tomorrow.
What? What’s that you say? There is no such thing? Are you sure? Because I’m not totally convinced of that. I can’t seem to get shit done. Sadly I started celebrating this month early. I missed my dr. appointment the middle of last week because my voice mail is possessed by demons and didn’t show any messages on my phone until Sunday when it showed 10 and by then I had already missed the reminder for my doctors appointment. I must have a doctor that had reminder calls or I’ll never EVER make it to an appointment. I’ll have a vague recollection that I was supposed to see someone about a something on some day but then I’ll just forget to call and ask anyone about what I could possibly have needed. That’s what happened. I knew I needed to see this dr for a stupid follow up to say “Yeah, these pills work!” and then have her renew my prescription for a year. Why can’t I just call it in? So whatever. But now I know that I missed the appointment and it’s practically Friday and I haven’t called to rescheduled.
What else? Oh yeah, the three other blog posts that I’ve started and haven’t finished. All this BLOG stuff is still cramming my tiny little brain and I just haven’t gotten the blogs out to clear up the space. Damn it. It’s like having 10 midgets in a clown car up there. Never mind. Don’t try to think that one through.
I have countless other things I need to get done and people to see but fuck it if I can get to that either. I have two dresses to finish for myself, two fairy costumes to finish and a pile of sewing that I must complete soon and fuck me if I’m not sitting here in front of the computer. And let’s not even think about the house cleaning!
This whole working Monday through Friday is really messing with cleaning. Not that I’m even a half assed house keeper, but damn the little bit I did do is now not getting done very well. I need a maid… or a slave. Don’t care as long as they clean.
Fuck. I need to go do some laundry or I’ll be headed to work commando tomorrow.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Tonight I Guaranteed My Spot In Hell
I colored Coco pink. Yes I really did color her pink. I wanted to do her bright hot pink but I first had to see if D would have a complete coronary when I did this. She’s cool with it, there were no death threats.
My tub is completely covered in pink dog hair. It looks like a herd of pink cats hacked up hair balls in my tub. Really special.
Coco now needs a hot pink tutu and hot pink toe nails. I’m really starting to enjoy dog sitting. Call me if you want me to watch your dog.
Pink Pooch!
I colored Coco pink. Yes I really did color her pink. I wanted to do her bright hot pink but I first had to see if D would have a complete coronary when I did this. She’s cool with it, there were no death threats.
My tub is completely covered in pink dog hair. It looks like a herd of pink cats hacked up hair balls in my tub. Really special.
Coco now needs a hot pink tutu and hot pink toe nails. I’m really starting to enjoy dog sitting. Call me if you want me to watch your dog.
Pink Pooch!
My Perversion
I’m getting used to this driving into work thing. I’m spending much less of my morning commute time plotting random drivers painful deaths and more time just day dreaming and switching radio stations. In all this, I’ve discovered there is ONE thing that I TRULY enjoy. Parking my car! I know that sounds stupid, but it’s true. Why you may be asking? Because there are several people on the parking lot who are inconsiderate assholes when they park. Free parking is at a premium. SOME people feel the need to park over the lines and take up two spaces. This I find completely unacceptable, how freaking hard is it to PARK correctly??? Fine whatever, it now brings me great pleasure when I spy these people as I squeeze The Easy Bake Oven in that tiny little space next to them. It’s not like I’m worried about getting my car door dinged – how would I even notice??? Last week I parked next to the SAME offending car twice in a row – one day it was really tight as the cars on BOTH sides of me had parked with their tires just over the line. Oddly enough both cars have been parked right in the middle of the parking spaces from then on. Does that make me an asshole for doing that? Probably, but honestly no more of an asshole than they are for taking up two of the best parking spaces in the lot (shady spots). Besides it brings me much mirth.
Anyway… OFF to work! Enjoy YOUR day!
I’m getting used to this driving into work thing. I’m spending much less of my morning commute time plotting random drivers painful deaths and more time just day dreaming and switching radio stations. In all this, I’ve discovered there is ONE thing that I TRULY enjoy. Parking my car! I know that sounds stupid, but it’s true. Why you may be asking? Because there are several people on the parking lot who are inconsiderate assholes when they park. Free parking is at a premium. SOME people feel the need to park over the lines and take up two spaces. This I find completely unacceptable, how freaking hard is it to PARK correctly??? Fine whatever, it now brings me great pleasure when I spy these people as I squeeze The Easy Bake Oven in that tiny little space next to them. It’s not like I’m worried about getting my car door dinged – how would I even notice??? Last week I parked next to the SAME offending car twice in a row – one day it was really tight as the cars on BOTH sides of me had parked with their tires just over the line. Oddly enough both cars have been parked right in the middle of the parking spaces from then on. Does that make me an asshole for doing that? Probably, but honestly no more of an asshole than they are for taking up two of the best parking spaces in the lot (shady spots). Besides it brings me much mirth.
Anyway… OFF to work! Enjoy YOUR day!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Reports Of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exagerated
Mostly anyway. I'm still alive, still working, just was offline from Friday until Monday evening so the BLOG suffered. So much to blog about! A fantastic trip to a FARM! A FABULOUS Mardi Gras party and a completly lazy Sunday! Woohoo! But it's 10:30 pm now and it has taken me an hour to upload photos. SOOOOOO I'll just leave you with these amazing photos from the Party and MAYBE I'll elaborate about them tomorrow.
One funny thing that did happen at the party was when I ran into a couple who obviously KNEW me but I had no fucking clue who the woman was, I started to figure out who the man was and thought maybe this was his NEW wife and wonder why the fuck she was talkign to me like she knew me and then the wife said "YOu don't know who I am do you?" and since I was drunk, I could not tell a lie and said NO! She said who she was and I was all "WTF? you look totally different!" and she was all "I lost like 100 poungs!" and I was all "Wow! And you went BLOND!" and well I looked like a total dumbass (as usual) but thankfully I was well into DRUNKVILLE so I didn't really care.
Okay, enjoy the photos of me getting progressivly drunker. I told K to cut me off at 8 (the last time I hit 10 I blacked out and spewed in a car) but he kept kept them coming until I hit 10 (no spewing or blacking out) but the last 2 photos of the night are WAY WAY scary.
Hooking on Burbon St.
I wasn't even drunk yet!
I like my drinks like I like my men... BIG and alchoholic... umm... well just half of that.
K likes his drinks like he likes his men... BIG and with a straw in them... um... forget that... I'm trying to.
Mmmmm Still drinking. (I think I was on 4 by then)
uh-oh... drunken chick with camera...
ELVIS!
I was on drink # 8 or 9
Mostly anyway. I'm still alive, still working, just was offline from Friday until Monday evening so the BLOG suffered. So much to blog about! A fantastic trip to a FARM! A FABULOUS Mardi Gras party and a completly lazy Sunday! Woohoo! But it's 10:30 pm now and it has taken me an hour to upload photos. SOOOOOO I'll just leave you with these amazing photos from the Party and MAYBE I'll elaborate about them tomorrow.
One funny thing that did happen at the party was when I ran into a couple who obviously KNEW me but I had no fucking clue who the woman was, I started to figure out who the man was and thought maybe this was his NEW wife and wonder why the fuck she was talkign to me like she knew me and then the wife said "YOu don't know who I am do you?" and since I was drunk, I could not tell a lie and said NO! She said who she was and I was all "WTF? you look totally different!" and she was all "I lost like 100 poungs!" and I was all "Wow! And you went BLOND!" and well I looked like a total dumbass (as usual) but thankfully I was well into DRUNKVILLE so I didn't really care.
Okay, enjoy the photos of me getting progressivly drunker. I told K to cut me off at 8 (the last time I hit 10 I blacked out and spewed in a car) but he kept kept them coming until I hit 10 (no spewing or blacking out) but the last 2 photos of the night are WAY WAY scary.
Hooking on Burbon St.
I wasn't even drunk yet!
I like my drinks like I like my men... BIG and alchoholic... umm... well just half of that.
K likes his drinks like he likes his men... BIG and with a straw in them... um... forget that... I'm trying to.
Mmmmm Still drinking. (I think I was on 4 by then)
uh-oh... drunken chick with camera...
ELVIS!
I was on drink # 8 or 9
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Morning Commute and How YOU Can Make It Better For ME
I’ve come to realize that I really, really HATE my morning commute. I know, I know, you ALL hate your morning commute. Mine is REALLY LONG, in the Easy Bake Oven so sans AC and with standard transmission and a crappy radio. So it’s really FABULOUS. Nothing like sitting through three stop lights with your foot on the clutch while your leg muscles threaten to go into convulsions and your toes cramp up. Add in the fact that morning radio is utter SHIT and I only have a cassette tape player in the car. Yes, yes, I know, I’m truly lucky to have a vintage radio in my car and for that I should appreciate it, but you see, I don’t have any really GREAT music to play when the radio SUCKS (which is every time one of the DJ’s opens their mouths). As hard as it is to believe, I am LACKING in a truly bitchin’ music library on cassette tape. Sadly I stop purchasing cassettes when I chose to join the rest of the population and move ahead with technology and purchase CDs. Now, I’m in a sad predicament of having to listen to utter crap in the mornings. I’m sure someone out there has to have an impressive cassette tape collection. I’m quiet certain that someone would be more than willing to earn MANY, MANY good karma points by sending me some choice albums on cassette. You know you love me and you want to do this.
As I was driving this morning… wait, let me rephrase that – as I was waiting to crawl through a stop light, I caught sight of the car behind me in my rear view mirror (hey, I had to do SOMETHING other than plot people’s deaths). There on the dash was the most amazing thing ever. HELLO KITTY! The car behind me had a HELLO KITTY bobble head doll. The only thing keeping me from jumping out of my car and running back to that car to snatch HELLO KITTY off the dash was my aching, twitching thigh muscle threatening to go into a full on cramp from holding down the clutch. Damn that clutch! I NEED that HELLO KITTY! Actually I just need several bobble head dolls on my dash to amuse me while I waste my life in traffic every morning. Just think of it, my dash could be a veritable SEA of bobbling heads! How AMAZING would that be?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Let me just answer that in one word – very. And that’s why I’ve decided that for a limited time offer YOU amazing readers can earn double karma points by sending me bobble head dolls for my dash! ANY of them, I don’t care who they are (‘cept, I really DO want HELLO KITTY) just send them on and make my commute a little less homicidal!
My commute also involves steak. Wonderful fabulous steak that I don’t get to eat. I drive RIGHT PAST Lawry’s EVERY FUCKING MORNING! And every morning about 8:30 am I’m thinking how wonderful a fabulous steak from Lawry’s would be. So here I am again offering this limited time offer, anyone who wants to earn TRIPPLE KARMA POINTS… wait… I take that back, let me rephrase that – any guy who wants to earn the BEST BLOW JOB EVER can buy me a steak dinner from Lawry’s. Come on, you know that’s a good deal – one steak dinner for a fabulous hummer! Contact me directly for this offer – there is no limit to how many times you can redeem this offer. Supplies limited, void where prohibited, must be 21 or older to ride this ride. For external use only. Wash, rinse, repeat. Not valid outside the United States unless accompanied with jewelry. Offer expires at the express arbitrary decision of Judy. Act NOW!
See? My commute is frustrating and sucky. I have however found something that DOES make it a bit more bearable. BLOGGING! No I’m not driving around with my lap top on the steering wheel (but damn, that’s a thought!). Today it struck me that with all that free time where my brain was running amuck inside my head, I should be recording it! Since I lack any cool recording devices (don’t b so surprised) I decided to just write things down on a piece of scrap paper! Woohoo! Let me tell you, that was an experience! It’s hard to stay in the lanes while writing, then I figured I’d just write during the MANY, MANY red lights I have to endure. And here is the fruits of my labor! Well mostly. Amazingly my hand writing isn’t the most legible when using the steering wheel for a desk, go figure.
And that my friends is how I spent my valuable commuting time this morning. Eventually I’ll get used to sitting in traffic as opposed to my old commute which involved me DRIVING QUICKLY.
Off to bed now, 6 am is to fucking early to have to get up, but I still have to.
I’ve come to realize that I really, really HATE my morning commute. I know, I know, you ALL hate your morning commute. Mine is REALLY LONG, in the Easy Bake Oven so sans AC and with standard transmission and a crappy radio. So it’s really FABULOUS. Nothing like sitting through three stop lights with your foot on the clutch while your leg muscles threaten to go into convulsions and your toes cramp up. Add in the fact that morning radio is utter SHIT and I only have a cassette tape player in the car. Yes, yes, I know, I’m truly lucky to have a vintage radio in my car and for that I should appreciate it, but you see, I don’t have any really GREAT music to play when the radio SUCKS (which is every time one of the DJ’s opens their mouths). As hard as it is to believe, I am LACKING in a truly bitchin’ music library on cassette tape. Sadly I stop purchasing cassettes when I chose to join the rest of the population and move ahead with technology and purchase CDs. Now, I’m in a sad predicament of having to listen to utter crap in the mornings. I’m sure someone out there has to have an impressive cassette tape collection. I’m quiet certain that someone would be more than willing to earn MANY, MANY good karma points by sending me some choice albums on cassette. You know you love me and you want to do this.
As I was driving this morning… wait, let me rephrase that – as I was waiting to crawl through a stop light, I caught sight of the car behind me in my rear view mirror (hey, I had to do SOMETHING other than plot people’s deaths). There on the dash was the most amazing thing ever. HELLO KITTY! The car behind me had a HELLO KITTY bobble head doll. The only thing keeping me from jumping out of my car and running back to that car to snatch HELLO KITTY off the dash was my aching, twitching thigh muscle threatening to go into a full on cramp from holding down the clutch. Damn that clutch! I NEED that HELLO KITTY! Actually I just need several bobble head dolls on my dash to amuse me while I waste my life in traffic every morning. Just think of it, my dash could be a veritable SEA of bobbling heads! How AMAZING would that be?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Let me just answer that in one word – very. And that’s why I’ve decided that for a limited time offer YOU amazing readers can earn double karma points by sending me bobble head dolls for my dash! ANY of them, I don’t care who they are (‘cept, I really DO want HELLO KITTY) just send them on and make my commute a little less homicidal!
My commute also involves steak. Wonderful fabulous steak that I don’t get to eat. I drive RIGHT PAST Lawry’s EVERY FUCKING MORNING! And every morning about 8:30 am I’m thinking how wonderful a fabulous steak from Lawry’s would be. So here I am again offering this limited time offer, anyone who wants to earn TRIPPLE KARMA POINTS… wait… I take that back, let me rephrase that – any guy who wants to earn the BEST BLOW JOB EVER can buy me a steak dinner from Lawry’s. Come on, you know that’s a good deal – one steak dinner for a fabulous hummer! Contact me directly for this offer – there is no limit to how many times you can redeem this offer. Supplies limited, void where prohibited, must be 21 or older to ride this ride. For external use only. Wash, rinse, repeat. Not valid outside the United States unless accompanied with jewelry. Offer expires at the express arbitrary decision of Judy. Act NOW!
See? My commute is frustrating and sucky. I have however found something that DOES make it a bit more bearable. BLOGGING! No I’m not driving around with my lap top on the steering wheel (but damn, that’s a thought!). Today it struck me that with all that free time where my brain was running amuck inside my head, I should be recording it! Since I lack any cool recording devices (don’t b so surprised) I decided to just write things down on a piece of scrap paper! Woohoo! Let me tell you, that was an experience! It’s hard to stay in the lanes while writing, then I figured I’d just write during the MANY, MANY red lights I have to endure. And here is the fruits of my labor! Well mostly. Amazingly my hand writing isn’t the most legible when using the steering wheel for a desk, go figure.
And that my friends is how I spent my valuable commuting time this morning. Eventually I’ll get used to sitting in traffic as opposed to my old commute which involved me DRIVING QUICKLY.
Off to bed now, 6 am is to fucking early to have to get up, but I still have to.
Monday, September 18, 2006
The Day In Question
This evening Super Girl was telling us that today was some damn obscure holiday at school today. She kept saying a word that wasn’t a word but sounded like other words so K and I had a little fun by guessing what the word could be. This is our list of what the holidays we came up with:
Confucius Day – Dude, this actually exists – February 27th or 28th is supposed to be his b-day Confucius
Contusion Day – Probably a very painful day
Concussion Day – Might not be memorable
Confusion Day – I believe that’s my every day state
Confection Day – Sponsored by Weight Watchers
Consideration Day – A very well planned and thought out holiday
Consignment Day – Could be very profitable
Conspicuous Day – I should have seen that holiday coming.
Conspiracy Day – K didn’t want to include this one, but I KNOW it’s just because he doesn’t want me to enjoy it.
Constipation Day – A day to celebrate fiber, LOTS of fiber
Consultation Day – A good day to see the doctor for that 2nd opinion
Consummation Day – Oh yeah, I’m looking forward to this holiday! I’m going to celebrate ALL day and night.
Conception Day – Oddly this day usually follows Consummation day.
Contraception Day – When this holiday precedes Consummation day, Conception day isn’t celebrated
Contagious Day – Sometimes THIS little holiday follows Consummation Day… and often requires a shot!
Contaminate Day – Well if you DO need that shot then you can celebrate this day… alone… with rubber gloves on.
Congratulate Day – A fine holiday to celebrate AFTER Contamination Day ends or when Conception Day has happened previously.
Contemporaneous Day – I love this day (just say the word – it’s it fabulous!), though it usually happens right when one of the other days happen. (look up the fucking word!)
Clitoral Day – I often write this day in several times a week – I prefer when Clitoral Day is contemporaneous with the next holiday.
Cunnalingus Day – Do I need to even elaborate? Other than to say that if I made a calendar this would be celebrated QUITE OFTEN.
Contortionist Day – Sometimes helpful for the previous holiday.
Conflagration Day – A nice firey holiday to keep things warm.
Confessional Day – Something for the Catholics
Condiment Day – Something for the hot dogs
Conductivity Day – Makes me want to buy copper… lots of copper.
Conestoga Wagon Day – This one just screams FUN!
Communist Party Day - I’ll have to send off my Lennin costume to the cleaners for that.
Complimentary Offer Day – Damn I’d just be praying that Starbucks was celebrating that, then I’d drive to EVERY SINGLE Starbucks in the Dallas area. I wouldn’t sleep for 3 weeks.
Concubine Day – Gives me the urge to wrap my tiny feet and drink jasmine tea.
Confrontation Day – Oh this could be a fun day. I think I celebrate this most holidays with my family.
Kilimanjaro Day – Dust off your climbing gear for that one.
Conjecture Day – It’d just be fun to walk around all day saying things like “Ah-ha! I conjecture that since the pot is EMPTY that YOU drank the last of the coffee!” Okay.. maybe not.
Congestion Day - *cough* *cough* Probably not as much fun as it sounds.
Conquest Day – Oh yes, I’m making a list for this one.
Conquistador Day – I just want to wear the funny hats!
Condemnation Day – AKA Hell In A Hand Basket Day
Conifer Day – Hug your favorite pine tree
Cattle Prod Day – Why not? It would be fun! Especially at the store with the person who has 30 items in the 10 items or less line. You know you want to celebrate that day.
Convenient Day – Just celebrate it whenever it works for you
Convulsion Day – Don’t swallow your tongue though.
Carnivore Day – Damn MEAT FEST day. Most guys would love this day.
Incidentally we were completely incorrect as the ‘holiday’ is the start of Constitution Week, which K assures me has something to do with History or something. I have my doubts since I can’t recall a John Wayne movie about the subject. (Hey! I’ve been eating my SMARTIES!)
This evening Super Girl was telling us that today was some damn obscure holiday at school today. She kept saying a word that wasn’t a word but sounded like other words so K and I had a little fun by guessing what the word could be. This is our list of what the holidays we came up with:
Confucius Day – Dude, this actually exists – February 27th or 28th is supposed to be his b-day Confucius
Contusion Day – Probably a very painful day
Concussion Day – Might not be memorable
Confusion Day – I believe that’s my every day state
Confection Day – Sponsored by Weight Watchers
Consideration Day – A very well planned and thought out holiday
Consignment Day – Could be very profitable
Conspicuous Day – I should have seen that holiday coming.
Conspiracy Day – K didn’t want to include this one, but I KNOW it’s just because he doesn’t want me to enjoy it.
Constipation Day – A day to celebrate fiber, LOTS of fiber
Consultation Day – A good day to see the doctor for that 2nd opinion
Consummation Day – Oh yeah, I’m looking forward to this holiday! I’m going to celebrate ALL day and night.
Conception Day – Oddly this day usually follows Consummation day.
Contraception Day – When this holiday precedes Consummation day, Conception day isn’t celebrated
Contagious Day – Sometimes THIS little holiday follows Consummation Day… and often requires a shot!
Contaminate Day – Well if you DO need that shot then you can celebrate this day… alone… with rubber gloves on.
Congratulate Day – A fine holiday to celebrate AFTER Contamination Day ends or when Conception Day has happened previously.
Contemporaneous Day – I love this day (just say the word – it’s it fabulous!), though it usually happens right when one of the other days happen. (look up the fucking word!)
Clitoral Day – I often write this day in several times a week – I prefer when Clitoral Day is contemporaneous with the next holiday.
Cunnalingus Day – Do I need to even elaborate? Other than to say that if I made a calendar this would be celebrated QUITE OFTEN.
Contortionist Day – Sometimes helpful for the previous holiday.
Conflagration Day – A nice firey holiday to keep things warm.
Confessional Day – Something for the Catholics
Condiment Day – Something for the hot dogs
Conductivity Day – Makes me want to buy copper… lots of copper.
Conestoga Wagon Day – This one just screams FUN!
Communist Party Day - I’ll have to send off my Lennin costume to the cleaners for that.
Complimentary Offer Day – Damn I’d just be praying that Starbucks was celebrating that, then I’d drive to EVERY SINGLE Starbucks in the Dallas area. I wouldn’t sleep for 3 weeks.
Concubine Day – Gives me the urge to wrap my tiny feet and drink jasmine tea.
Confrontation Day – Oh this could be a fun day. I think I celebrate this most holidays with my family.
Kilimanjaro Day – Dust off your climbing gear for that one.
Conjecture Day – It’d just be fun to walk around all day saying things like “Ah-ha! I conjecture that since the pot is EMPTY that YOU drank the last of the coffee!” Okay.. maybe not.
Congestion Day - *cough* *cough* Probably not as much fun as it sounds.
Conquest Day – Oh yes, I’m making a list for this one.
Conquistador Day – I just want to wear the funny hats!
Condemnation Day – AKA Hell In A Hand Basket Day
Conifer Day – Hug your favorite pine tree
Cattle Prod Day – Why not? It would be fun! Especially at the store with the person who has 30 items in the 10 items or less line. You know you want to celebrate that day.
Convenient Day – Just celebrate it whenever it works for you
Convulsion Day – Don’t swallow your tongue though.
Carnivore Day – Damn MEAT FEST day. Most guys would love this day.
Incidentally we were completely incorrect as the ‘holiday’ is the start of Constitution Week, which K assures me has something to do with History or something. I have my doubts since I can’t recall a John Wayne movie about the subject. (Hey! I’ve been eating my SMARTIES!)
Random Musings
There is NOTHING more fun than stalling one’s car on the toll way during morning rush hour traffic. And what makes it even better is when the car doesn’t turn over right way! Woohoo! Let me tell you, I could feel the LOVE in those few minutes until I got the car started.
So if one eats several packages of SMARTIES, will one in fact become SMARTER? If so, I certainly need to keep my pockets loaded with them so I can pass them out randomly to people who need them. “Excuse me sir, but I’m thinking you could really use this.” And if one eats SMARTIES with a carbonated drink, will it make one smart and effervescent? Or will you just end up with the burps and a sugar buzz? Must experiment.
I had to pay for parking today. PAY to park at the HOSPITAL. WTF? How crappy is it that you would have to go to the hospital for anything and then you have to pay $3 or $4 for parking on top of that. Talk about adding insult to injury. Seriously.
Over the weekend K left ALL the windows open in the car. And it RAINED. So, yeah, you get the picture. Sunday morning I sent him out to change the seat cover on the drivers side and dry out the interior before I went to work. I was ready to shove him in the trunk and leave him there the rest of the day for that. Nothing like driving to work on a rainy morning in a soggy car. (he didn’t get shoved in the trunk, who would have watched the kids if I did that??) It was FABULOUS at the end of the day getting into the car and having to dry off the windows on the inside. Grrrr… This morning was the same and after much bitching (by me) and dirty looks (from me) the window dried out so one (me) could see the road. The gloomy clouds this morning convinced me that it would rain all day so I rolled up the windows when I got to work. The sun was out when I left around 11:30 am. Because I was convinced of stormy weather I didn’t bother to put up the sun shades in the car so when I opened the door it was like opening the door to a sauna! Yeah just what anyone wants after work – driving home in a sauna. Fun stuff. The upside is that the car should be dried out since it’s stopped raining and I left the windows open… and K no longer has to fear for his life… at least on THAT issue. *casting evil glance in his direction* Lets not even talk about how MY camera got WET yesterday at the parade. Oh no, let’s just leave that one unmentioned. *stabbing pins into voodoo doll*
There is NOTHING more fun than stalling one’s car on the toll way during morning rush hour traffic. And what makes it even better is when the car doesn’t turn over right way! Woohoo! Let me tell you, I could feel the LOVE in those few minutes until I got the car started.
So if one eats several packages of SMARTIES, will one in fact become SMARTER? If so, I certainly need to keep my pockets loaded with them so I can pass them out randomly to people who need them. “Excuse me sir, but I’m thinking you could really use this.” And if one eats SMARTIES with a carbonated drink, will it make one smart and effervescent? Or will you just end up with the burps and a sugar buzz? Must experiment.
I had to pay for parking today. PAY to park at the HOSPITAL. WTF? How crappy is it that you would have to go to the hospital for anything and then you have to pay $3 or $4 for parking on top of that. Talk about adding insult to injury. Seriously.
Over the weekend K left ALL the windows open in the car. And it RAINED. So, yeah, you get the picture. Sunday morning I sent him out to change the seat cover on the drivers side and dry out the interior before I went to work. I was ready to shove him in the trunk and leave him there the rest of the day for that. Nothing like driving to work on a rainy morning in a soggy car. (he didn’t get shoved in the trunk, who would have watched the kids if I did that??) It was FABULOUS at the end of the day getting into the car and having to dry off the windows on the inside. Grrrr… This morning was the same and after much bitching (by me) and dirty looks (from me) the window dried out so one (me) could see the road. The gloomy clouds this morning convinced me that it would rain all day so I rolled up the windows when I got to work. The sun was out when I left around 11:30 am. Because I was convinced of stormy weather I didn’t bother to put up the sun shades in the car so when I opened the door it was like opening the door to a sauna! Yeah just what anyone wants after work – driving home in a sauna. Fun stuff. The upside is that the car should be dried out since it’s stopped raining and I left the windows open… and K no longer has to fear for his life… at least on THAT issue. *casting evil glance in his direction* Lets not even talk about how MY camera got WET yesterday at the parade. Oh no, let’s just leave that one unmentioned. *stabbing pins into voodoo doll*
The End Of The Weekends
This past weekend was my last WEEKEND to work! Woohoo! Of course I start working weekdays TODAY and won’t get a day off until Saturday, so that kind of sucks. But that’s okay because I’ll get to SLEEP IN on Saturday! YAY!
Since this was my LAST weekend to work, I had to train my replacement. Generally weekends are only busy on Saturday and Sundays are really easy days. Not so this weekend. Saturday was So DAMN BUSY we didn’t walk out of the hospital until 5 pm and we never got more than one 15 minute break to run grab lunch.
I figured Sunday would be really nice and slow since we worked so hard on Saturday. AGAIN I was absolutely WRONG! Sunday was much busier than Saturday! It was CRAZY! AND to top that off, the manager decided she needed to observe my replacement to make sure I had trained her properly. Yay me. That meant that she was slowing us down for the entire time she was tagging along. *sigh* Luckily she didn’t stay more than a couple of hours. I was absolutely exhausted by the time I got home at 6:30 pm yesterday. It’s all good though, I had outstanding sales for the weekend. The WEEKEND WORK IS DONE THOUGH!
Hidden Stomach
The most fun I had yesterday was after I left my main hospital and headed to my secondary hospital to work (yippie…). I was sooooo ready to be done with work by then. I did the photos then grabbed my purse out of the cart and left, stopping by the restroom before I left the hospital. After washing my hands I started digging through my purse for my car keys. I couldn’t find them. I kept digging and finally took everything out of my purse. When I got down to the bottom of my purse, I could still FEEL things IN my purse – under the lining. I thought “Damn! This purse has a stomach and it’s swallowed a bunch of stuff!” I felt around in the bottom of the purse for a whole and couldn’t find one. Then I stuck my hands in the three side pockets inside the purse and again couldn’t find a hole. I was perplexed and thinking I might have to rip the bottom of the purse to get the MANY items residing inside the purse stomach. I stuck my hand in the outside pocket on the purse and still didn’t feel a hole so I went back to feeling around the bottom of the purse and thoroughly feeling the pockets. I was deeply disturbed by this point and then I finally felt it, a small whole in the outside pocket of the purse. I dug around in the purse stomach and found SEVERAL of my favorite lip glosses that I had been missing and just chalked up to the Little People as having swiped. I found other stuff, but the lip glosses was the most perplexing items as I don’t put my lip gloss in the front pocket of my purse. Actually EVERYTHING in the purse stomach was damn perplexing as I only put business cards and used Starbucks cards in that pocket and guess what? There were NONE of those in there. No matter, my KEYS were NOT something that was swallowed. (I found them back on the camera cart). I told K about the purse stomach later that night and he surmised that I did not have a purse but what I was carrying was a bag of devouring (sorry geeky gaming reference, please forgive!)
Okay! That’s all for an update for now, I must get dressed and get the hell out of dodge! Send happy profitable thoughts my way. Send me some LOVE! ;)
This past weekend was my last WEEKEND to work! Woohoo! Of course I start working weekdays TODAY and won’t get a day off until Saturday, so that kind of sucks. But that’s okay because I’ll get to SLEEP IN on Saturday! YAY!
Since this was my LAST weekend to work, I had to train my replacement. Generally weekends are only busy on Saturday and Sundays are really easy days. Not so this weekend. Saturday was So DAMN BUSY we didn’t walk out of the hospital until 5 pm and we never got more than one 15 minute break to run grab lunch.
I figured Sunday would be really nice and slow since we worked so hard on Saturday. AGAIN I was absolutely WRONG! Sunday was much busier than Saturday! It was CRAZY! AND to top that off, the manager decided she needed to observe my replacement to make sure I had trained her properly. Yay me. That meant that she was slowing us down for the entire time she was tagging along. *sigh* Luckily she didn’t stay more than a couple of hours. I was absolutely exhausted by the time I got home at 6:30 pm yesterday. It’s all good though, I had outstanding sales for the weekend. The WEEKEND WORK IS DONE THOUGH!
Hidden Stomach
The most fun I had yesterday was after I left my main hospital and headed to my secondary hospital to work (yippie…). I was sooooo ready to be done with work by then. I did the photos then grabbed my purse out of the cart and left, stopping by the restroom before I left the hospital. After washing my hands I started digging through my purse for my car keys. I couldn’t find them. I kept digging and finally took everything out of my purse. When I got down to the bottom of my purse, I could still FEEL things IN my purse – under the lining. I thought “Damn! This purse has a stomach and it’s swallowed a bunch of stuff!” I felt around in the bottom of the purse for a whole and couldn’t find one. Then I stuck my hands in the three side pockets inside the purse and again couldn’t find a hole. I was perplexed and thinking I might have to rip the bottom of the purse to get the MANY items residing inside the purse stomach. I stuck my hand in the outside pocket on the purse and still didn’t feel a hole so I went back to feeling around the bottom of the purse and thoroughly feeling the pockets. I was deeply disturbed by this point and then I finally felt it, a small whole in the outside pocket of the purse. I dug around in the purse stomach and found SEVERAL of my favorite lip glosses that I had been missing and just chalked up to the Little People as having swiped. I found other stuff, but the lip glosses was the most perplexing items as I don’t put my lip gloss in the front pocket of my purse. Actually EVERYTHING in the purse stomach was damn perplexing as I only put business cards and used Starbucks cards in that pocket and guess what? There were NONE of those in there. No matter, my KEYS were NOT something that was swallowed. (I found them back on the camera cart). I told K about the purse stomach later that night and he surmised that I did not have a purse but what I was carrying was a bag of devouring (sorry geeky gaming reference, please forgive!)
Okay! That’s all for an update for now, I must get dressed and get the hell out of dodge! Send happy profitable thoughts my way. Send me some LOVE! ;)
Friday, September 15, 2006
BOOK TAG
I tag anyone who reads this blog. Share your love of reading with another!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Rules:
Grab a book - any book........
go to page 123........
go to the end of the fifth sentence........
and type the next three sentences into your blog, then.........
tag 5 more people!!
Book cover
I edged closer to him, and the nearer I got, the larger he became. He had the longest legs I'd ever seeen, immaculately sheathed in pleated pants. A warm stream of excitement ran through me, a buzzing current that made me want to rub up against him like a cat, or better yet, to feel thouse long legs of his gripping mine.
**************************
Sadly, that has to be the best lines in the entire book. But then again, maybe not, since I didn't read it completly due to my consuming boredom that resulted in me falling fast asleep at any attempt to read this book. Not nearly dirty enough for my tastes. The worst part is I paid $7 for the damn book and I can't even stand to look it. So full of promise of erotic delight yet so disapointing so quickly... kind of like a lot of dates I've had. Eh, whatever, don't read this book, you can find dirtier stuff on the internet. ;)
OTHER CRAP
I started painting the table top of the Little People's table. I had this fabulous idea to paint a sun and a moon on the top then laminate the damn thing so they don't completly destroy it but that may all be for naught now. The Little People want in on the action! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm a horrible mommy on this one, because I don't want them to sully my beautiful art work. I know I should just let them go to town with the paints since it's THEIR table, but I'm completly neurotic about this - I don't like my ART WORK messed with by ANYONE. I think it goes back to when I was in kindergarten and evil children would paint on MY paintings and I'd cry. What can I say, I was an ARTIST way back then (you should have seen my penguines!). Anyway, I'm caught with the compulsion to just paint it MY way before they get home and say "Opps! Bad me! But don't you like it???" or doing the GOOD MOMMY thing and just handing them paint brushes and paints when they get home.
Final Friday
Well today is my LAST FRIDAY of being home, which means TOMORROW is my LAST SATURDAY to work! Woohoo! I'm so excited about that! It'll be like I'm a normal person! No more last minute search for someone to cover for me, no more missing weekend shit because 'I have to work', no more leaving parties early because 'I have to work tomorrow' and BEST of all - NO MORE MISSING FAIRE for work!
Okay off to either drink a bunch of coffee or to take a 3 hour nap on the couch... hmmm what to do with my last Friday off??? What would YOU do? (other than masturbate 5 or 6 times - I've already done that)
I tag anyone who reads this blog. Share your love of reading with another!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Rules:
Grab a book - any book........
go to page 123........
go to the end of the fifth sentence........
and type the next three sentences into your blog, then.........
tag 5 more people!!
Book cover
I edged closer to him, and the nearer I got, the larger he became. He had the longest legs I'd ever seeen, immaculately sheathed in pleated pants. A warm stream of excitement ran through me, a buzzing current that made me want to rub up against him like a cat, or better yet, to feel thouse long legs of his gripping mine.
**************************
Sadly, that has to be the best lines in the entire book. But then again, maybe not, since I didn't read it completly due to my consuming boredom that resulted in me falling fast asleep at any attempt to read this book. Not nearly dirty enough for my tastes. The worst part is I paid $7 for the damn book and I can't even stand to look it. So full of promise of erotic delight yet so disapointing so quickly... kind of like a lot of dates I've had. Eh, whatever, don't read this book, you can find dirtier stuff on the internet. ;)
OTHER CRAP
I started painting the table top of the Little People's table. I had this fabulous idea to paint a sun and a moon on the top then laminate the damn thing so they don't completly destroy it but that may all be for naught now. The Little People want in on the action! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm a horrible mommy on this one, because I don't want them to sully my beautiful art work. I know I should just let them go to town with the paints since it's THEIR table, but I'm completly neurotic about this - I don't like my ART WORK messed with by ANYONE. I think it goes back to when I was in kindergarten and evil children would paint on MY paintings and I'd cry. What can I say, I was an ARTIST way back then (you should have seen my penguines!). Anyway, I'm caught with the compulsion to just paint it MY way before they get home and say "Opps! Bad me! But don't you like it???" or doing the GOOD MOMMY thing and just handing them paint brushes and paints when they get home.
Final Friday
Well today is my LAST FRIDAY of being home, which means TOMORROW is my LAST SATURDAY to work! Woohoo! I'm so excited about that! It'll be like I'm a normal person! No more last minute search for someone to cover for me, no more missing weekend shit because 'I have to work', no more leaving parties early because 'I have to work tomorrow' and BEST of all - NO MORE MISSING FAIRE for work!
Okay off to either drink a bunch of coffee or to take a 3 hour nap on the couch... hmmm what to do with my last Friday off??? What would YOU do? (other than masturbate 5 or 6 times - I've already done that)
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I LOVE ZOMBIES ON MY HEAD!
I told you I was making a hat. Here is my prototype. It's a ZOMBIE!
Empty Head
See my boreing head? It does look like it might be hiding some tasty brains though. (oh and what a great hair day I was having tonight! And a good boob day also - that's so damn RARE! At least I have photographic proof.)
Zombie Hat
Mmmmmmm... nothing keeps brains warm like a nice hungry ZOMBIE!
Zombie hat
BRAINS!
I'm still working out the hat style. I like how the face and eye balls came out, but I'm not keen on the shape. Will be working on it - stay tuned for more disturbing hats.
I told you I was making a hat. Here is my prototype. It's a ZOMBIE!
Empty Head
See my boreing head? It does look like it might be hiding some tasty brains though. (oh and what a great hair day I was having tonight! And a good boob day also - that's so damn RARE! At least I have photographic proof.)
Zombie Hat
Mmmmmmm... nothing keeps brains warm like a nice hungry ZOMBIE!
Zombie hat
BRAINS!
I'm still working out the hat style. I like how the face and eye balls came out, but I'm not keen on the shape. Will be working on it - stay tuned for more disturbing hats.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
I Like My Coffe With A Little Sugar and Crazy!
Yup, I'm still on the crazy side. It's a refreshing change from the usual morbid, morose, homicidal mood. Sadly, I know it's only temporary, though waking up a little insane every day would be entertaining. Now I know why Charles Manson does it every day.
Since it's temporary I wonder if I could get away with shit - say rob the WalMart of all the childen's chewable vitamins (the orange ones taste the best!) and just say it's because I was temporarily insane? "Sorry officer, I really didn't mean to KILL her persay, but I did warn everyone I was insane on the day in question. Read the blog, I posted it bright and early, he really should have known better than to withhold Krispe Kream's from a crazy fat chick. Can I go now?"
*wait! Be right back! The laundry calleth! Or maybe that was the Alien's pageing me on the intercom? Whatever, I must take care of this and be back in a moment. Hold that thought!*
*Back now, had a lively discussion with the Aliens who paged me. Funny thing is that I realized we don't have an intercom here and that buzz was in fact the dryer. I had been talking to the dryer vent the whole time and the voices in my head were answering! Don't you hate it when that happens??*
Yeah, so as I was saying, I'm going to make some HATS! Fun hats! But I can't tell you what they'll look like because I know you'd try to steal my most fabulous (and probably profitable) ideas like you did when I told you about that dress, and then you showed up at the party with the EXACT same dress (except yours was purple, and had sleeves and didn't look at all like a McDonald's bag like mine did)? Yeah well I remember and I just won't tell now. So don't ask. But you'll be jealous that you didn't think of it first. You are the one who decided to be sane today though.
So yeah, this coffee is good! Can I get you some?
Yup, I'm still on the crazy side. It's a refreshing change from the usual morbid, morose, homicidal mood. Sadly, I know it's only temporary, though waking up a little insane every day would be entertaining. Now I know why Charles Manson does it every day.
Since it's temporary I wonder if I could get away with shit - say rob the WalMart of all the childen's chewable vitamins (the orange ones taste the best!) and just say it's because I was temporarily insane? "Sorry officer, I really didn't mean to KILL her persay, but I did warn everyone I was insane on the day in question. Read the blog, I posted it bright and early, he really should have known better than to withhold Krispe Kream's from a crazy fat chick. Can I go now?"
*wait! Be right back! The laundry calleth! Or maybe that was the Alien's pageing me on the intercom? Whatever, I must take care of this and be back in a moment. Hold that thought!*
*Back now, had a lively discussion with the Aliens who paged me. Funny thing is that I realized we don't have an intercom here and that buzz was in fact the dryer. I had been talking to the dryer vent the whole time and the voices in my head were answering! Don't you hate it when that happens??*
Yeah, so as I was saying, I'm going to make some HATS! Fun hats! But I can't tell you what they'll look like because I know you'd try to steal my most fabulous (and probably profitable) ideas like you did when I told you about that dress, and then you showed up at the party with the EXACT same dress (except yours was purple, and had sleeves and didn't look at all like a McDonald's bag like mine did)? Yeah well I remember and I just won't tell now. So don't ask. But you'll be jealous that you didn't think of it first. You are the one who decided to be sane today though.
So yeah, this coffee is good! Can I get you some?
HUMP DAY! Come On! Somebody Hump Me Already!
I'm a little crazy today. Not sure why, I just am... so you've been warned. What does that mean? Well other than I'll probably walk around all day mumbling things to myself and randomly shove pages from my manifesto into strangers hands as they walk past me trying not to make eye contact, it means NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! Oh yeah, it does mean that I won't be spell checking a damn thing I write today - so expect bad spelling and bad grammar because the voices in my head say so.
So on that note, I've decided to post some random photos. Enjoy the madness and have a cup of coffee before you go.
*These are OLD photos I'm posting, nothing new... OLD. The cat hasn't been shaved recently... she prefers Nair these days.*
Keep It Safe, Keep It Wrapped!
I saw that slogan one time. It seemed reasonable, until I tried to wrap my couch in plastic wrap... good plan in theory.
Shaved Pussy
Maybe I should have waxed...
Lookin' Sexay!
Ahhh you can feel the hate from here.
My Pussy Is Cuter Than Yours
Truth hurts, deal with it.
Crazy Pussy
Oh yeah baby!
Ahhhhh! She turned into an EGG!
Happy Toast!
Fuck you toast! No one should be that happy in the morning!
Ahhhh My True Love... CAKE!
Ahhhh... The first cake I ever wanted to have a serious relationship with. I love you cake, you gave me so much pleasure... and such an amazing sugar rush.
Other STUFF!
On another note, I'm completly a week off for some fucked up reason. Twice in as many days I've been reminded by someone that the event I was discussing was not for another WEEK. Hmmm... odd... I think it's some kind of a space time continuium issue. Someone has shifted my reality back a week. Fuckers!
On a GOOD note, I did find my keys that have been missing for the past 2 months! I won't say WHERE I found them, because I'd have to actually ADMIT that I lost them and not anyone else - which just could NOT be true because we all know it was someone ELSE who lost them. Oddly they showed up deep in the bowels of my purse where I'm certain that they were recently hidden by someone ELSE who isn't me. Luckily they are here.
Okay I'm off to drink lots of coffee and do laundry.
I'm a little crazy today. Not sure why, I just am... so you've been warned. What does that mean? Well other than I'll probably walk around all day mumbling things to myself and randomly shove pages from my manifesto into strangers hands as they walk past me trying not to make eye contact, it means NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! Oh yeah, it does mean that I won't be spell checking a damn thing I write today - so expect bad spelling and bad grammar because the voices in my head say so.
So on that note, I've decided to post some random photos. Enjoy the madness and have a cup of coffee before you go.
*These are OLD photos I'm posting, nothing new... OLD. The cat hasn't been shaved recently... she prefers Nair these days.*
Keep It Safe, Keep It Wrapped!
I saw that slogan one time. It seemed reasonable, until I tried to wrap my couch in plastic wrap... good plan in theory.
Shaved Pussy
Maybe I should have waxed...
Lookin' Sexay!
Ahhh you can feel the hate from here.
My Pussy Is Cuter Than Yours
Truth hurts, deal with it.
Crazy Pussy
Oh yeah baby!
Ahhhhh! She turned into an EGG!
Happy Toast!
Fuck you toast! No one should be that happy in the morning!
Ahhhh My True Love... CAKE!
Ahhhh... The first cake I ever wanted to have a serious relationship with. I love you cake, you gave me so much pleasure... and such an amazing sugar rush.
Other STUFF!
On another note, I'm completly a week off for some fucked up reason. Twice in as many days I've been reminded by someone that the event I was discussing was not for another WEEK. Hmmm... odd... I think it's some kind of a space time continuium issue. Someone has shifted my reality back a week. Fuckers!
On a GOOD note, I did find my keys that have been missing for the past 2 months! I won't say WHERE I found them, because I'd have to actually ADMIT that I lost them and not anyone else - which just could NOT be true because we all know it was someone ELSE who lost them. Oddly they showed up deep in the bowels of my purse where I'm certain that they were recently hidden by someone ELSE who isn't me. Luckily they are here.
Okay I'm off to drink lots of coffee and do laundry.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
WORK Changes!
I filled in for someone yesterday and worked (very briefly). It was certainly an experience to have to get myself ready and the kids ready so we could all get the hell out the door in a timely manner. What fun.
I spoke to my manager yesterday and she told me that I very well may be starting to work weekdays starting this coming Monday. AND even better – it would be at a hospital I worked about 4 years ago and loved very much. This weekend I will be training my replacement for my current hospital so that’s a done deal – the WEEKENDS OF WORKING ARE COMING TO AN END!!! Ahhhhh sleeping in on a Saturday! What could suck is that if the current person working my soon to be hospital takes the news of being moved from this hospital badly and decides to quit on Wednesday, I may end up working Thursday and Friday there, then Saturday and Sunday at my current hospital and start back to the new hospital on Monday without a break until the weekend. Which will make for a really FABULOUS check but a REALLY BITCHY Judy.
Eh, not going to worry about that – must call the school and set up before and after school care for the Tiny Terrorists. I’m so excited!
Why I Should Be On Prozac – or Why My Life Sucks!
I’m currently on the edge of either being really, really happy or falling into a pit of despair and depression. It sucks really. I’m not so good with all the touchy-feely emotional relationship stuff. Sex, that I’m good at. The emotional stuff makes me all uncomfortable and nauseous. I don’t like that feeling of not being in control of my feelings but here I am, crazy about someone and completely uncertain about how they feel. I hate this. I mean I really DO enjoy the wonderful, giddy feeling when I hear from this person. I love how flower petals fall from the sky and the tiny little cartoon birds show up to sing. Then of course there’s that crazy roller coaster feeling in my stomach when I think of this person, that’s kind of cool for a bit but then I feel like I need to vomit.
See? I suck at this emotional crap. I don’t totally trust my instincts on this either because the last couple of guys have turned out to be asshats and completely disregarded my feelings then left me crushed and hurt. This person isn’t as asshat at all, I just don’t know what he’s thinking or where this will go and well that’s making me crazy. Eh, who knows, maybe it’s just casual sex. I’m insane.
So yeah, I’m either going to be running through a field of flowers or constructing voodoo dolls and writing morose poetry very soon. Though maybe I should just stock up on condoms and decide that casual sex is the way to go. We’ll see.
*Dear sweet Internet, I’m not looking for advice or suggestions and I’m not going to tell you who this is about either, I’m just venting.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Picking Up Men While Driving
(I wrote this long post earlier but Blogger fucking ATE it! BASTARD!)
Anyone who's known me for any length of time already knows of my incredible ability to get lost going ANYWHERE. I have the most acute sense of misdirection possible. Because of this I ALWAYS need a detailed set of instructions to anywhere I am going (and a detailed and accurate map, as well as phone numbers, GPS, homing device, etc. etc.)
Last night was Crystal's party. Crystal just moved to a lovely house in Lewisville. After mapquesting the directions, I discovered it was pretty straight forward (so I thought) and I'd have to drive 121. I was under a false sense of confidence in finding her house as I used to see a guy who lived in Lewisville so I drove out 121 about once a week for 2 and a half years. Ahhhh, well I stopped seeing that guy a couple of years ago and since then there has been CONSTRUCTION for the freaking toll project. So hey, guess what? It LOOKS DIFFERENT! Wow, what a freaking surprise it was for me to realize that things had CHANGED in the past couple of years with the construction and all and NOW I had NO FREAKING CLUE where I was for the most part. Yeah, good.
I clutched my directions in my hand and took the first MAIN street that I came to. After driving a mile or so, I was fairly confident that just MIGHT be more than ONE MAIN street in the Dallas area and that I had turned on the wrong one. So I popped a u-turn and headed back towards 121 to continue getting LOST and move on to HOPELESSLY LOST. At the first stop light this white truck pulled up beside me and the frat boy driving yelled over to me. I looked up, smiled and gave him a little wave back, then went back to staring uselessly at my worthless directions and contemplating exactly how long it would take me to get HOPELESSLY LOST and wishing that I had a full tank of gas. At the next stop light the truck was next to me again. This conversation took place:
Driver Frat Boy: Hey!
Me: *looking up again and smirking when I realize there are actually two frat boys in the truck*
Driver: You wanna go get naked with us?
Me: I'm going to a party.
Driver: Where at?
Me: Lewisville.
Driver: You gonna get naked?
Me: *more smirking* Maybe.
Driver: We'll follow you!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *more smirking while speeding off*
Yeah, whatever. Come on, does that EVER actually work? Are there girls who say "Hey, sure! You got a nice truck! I'll go get naked with you two total and complete strangers! I'll even throw in a couple of blow jobs since you seem so nice!" I think not!
Anyway, I DID make it to the party, but not before getting hopeless lost again and having to call K to help me navigate BACK to where I was supposed to be. The party was fun, I'll post photos later and before you ask - NO they never caught up to me so they didn't get to the party, and YES I did get lost going home - but hey, that was a given.
(I wrote this long post earlier but Blogger fucking ATE it! BASTARD!)
Anyone who's known me for any length of time already knows of my incredible ability to get lost going ANYWHERE. I have the most acute sense of misdirection possible. Because of this I ALWAYS need a detailed set of instructions to anywhere I am going (and a detailed and accurate map, as well as phone numbers, GPS, homing device, etc. etc.)
Last night was Crystal's party. Crystal just moved to a lovely house in Lewisville. After mapquesting the directions, I discovered it was pretty straight forward (so I thought) and I'd have to drive 121. I was under a false sense of confidence in finding her house as I used to see a guy who lived in Lewisville so I drove out 121 about once a week for 2 and a half years. Ahhhh, well I stopped seeing that guy a couple of years ago and since then there has been CONSTRUCTION for the freaking toll project. So hey, guess what? It LOOKS DIFFERENT! Wow, what a freaking surprise it was for me to realize that things had CHANGED in the past couple of years with the construction and all and NOW I had NO FREAKING CLUE where I was for the most part. Yeah, good.
I clutched my directions in my hand and took the first MAIN street that I came to. After driving a mile or so, I was fairly confident that just MIGHT be more than ONE MAIN street in the Dallas area and that I had turned on the wrong one. So I popped a u-turn and headed back towards 121 to continue getting LOST and move on to HOPELESSLY LOST. At the first stop light this white truck pulled up beside me and the frat boy driving yelled over to me. I looked up, smiled and gave him a little wave back, then went back to staring uselessly at my worthless directions and contemplating exactly how long it would take me to get HOPELESSLY LOST and wishing that I had a full tank of gas. At the next stop light the truck was next to me again. This conversation took place:
Driver Frat Boy: Hey!
Me: *looking up again and smirking when I realize there are actually two frat boys in the truck*
Driver: You wanna go get naked with us?
Me: I'm going to a party.
Driver: Where at?
Me: Lewisville.
Driver: You gonna get naked?
Me: *more smirking* Maybe.
Driver: We'll follow you!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *more smirking while speeding off*
Yeah, whatever. Come on, does that EVER actually work? Are there girls who say "Hey, sure! You got a nice truck! I'll go get naked with you two total and complete strangers! I'll even throw in a couple of blow jobs since you seem so nice!" I think not!
Anyway, I DID make it to the party, but not before getting hopeless lost again and having to call K to help me navigate BACK to where I was supposed to be. The party was fun, I'll post photos later and before you ask - NO they never caught up to me so they didn't get to the party, and YES I did get lost going home - but hey, that was a given.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Made It Home Alive
The dinner and a movie went just fine (he paid), he liked the boots and I was home by 11:30 pm. Definitely no sparks there on my part, though I had a good time none the less – but hell I could have fun at a public execution (as long as it wasn’t my own).
MOVIE REVIEW ‘Invincible’
We saw ‘Invincible’ last night and I have to say I totally loved this movie. Which is kind of surprising since I’m not a football fan at all – Mark Walberg being in the movie really helped make this movie great. Okay, Mark Walberg having an incredibly HOT body made this movie great. About half the time he was in a t-shirt one could see his little hard nipples through the shirt and damn it if that just didn’t make me want to suck those right off his chest! Helping with the HOTNESS factor of the movie were several other guys and a variety of scenes involving them wrestling around on the ground with each other – oops that sounds kind of gay – I mean they were playing football. My favorite scene has to be when they play football in the rain – hot muscled men covered in clinging wet muddy clothes… oh yeah, I’m all over that… or at least I would be! All of the fabulous hot man shots made up for the frightening polyester and bad fashion that assaults the senses due to this movie being set in the fashionably challenged 1970’s. Aside from all that – it was a good movie! I would totally see it again… In fact I may have to buy it on DVD and watch it over and over (well at lest certain scenes… in slow motion). So… go see the movie! (Take me with you)
Friday, September 08, 2006
Blind Date!
I have a blind date tonight. I’m kind of nervous about it really, which is kind of out of character for me as I usually LOVE blind dates (one of my best long term boyfriend/fuck buddies came from a blind date) just for the whole adventure and excitement and sometimes that “OMG! I wonder if he’s a serial killer!” feeling. But for some reason I’m a bit apprehensive, maybe it’s because I really haven’t been dating in a while ( I kind of gave that up last year after a string of BAD dates… remember ASSHAT the one that said we couldn’t go out for a second date unless I fucked him? Or maybe the one where I ended the date after exactly one hour, saying I was terribly busy and had to get back to my sewing? ) – I mean there was this fabulous guy back in July, but unfortunately (for me) he’s lost interest. I should be really excited, this guy wants to take me to dinner AND a movie. Wow, a real old fashioned kind of date – he’s even going to pick me up at mi casa! AND THAT may be why I’m on the brink of panic. I don’t have people pick me up here, I prefer to meet people – it makes it easier to escape if necessary and it makes it harder for them to STALK me if they decided to become PSYCHO (i.e. the pervert psycho who called me at all hours pulling his pud). But that’s not the only reason I’m a little on edge, it’s because I’m not sure we’ll click. We’ve talked on the phone before and I just don’t think he’s going to really get my sense of humor (weird, sick, sarcastic and juvenile) because he seems a little dry (unfunny and humorless) and he may not get my personality (much like a mentally challenged squirrel who’s had too much coffee). I’m hoping he’s not expecting sex after dinner, because to be quite honest guys who buy me dinner never get laid by me (well there was that one guy who did, but we had sex before dinner then after – so maybe that counts) – it’s all those guys who don’t take me to dinner that get lucky (and that list is very, very short – almost nonexistent). Whatever, wish me luck or something – I’m thinking of wearing the outfit I wore on Wednesday (damn I love that camo skirt and green boots!) though I’m mildly worried that I’ll look like a hooker with bad fashion sense. Eh whatever!
September = BOOTS!
If you weren’t at karaoke you missed the first wearing of THE BOOTS for the season. I know it’s not technically cold enough to WEAR boots yet, but fuck that, it’s September and it hardly ever really is cold enough to wear boots here anyway. Ahhh time to wear the hooker boots again. Life is good.
Mardi Gras Party
So K has invited me (instead of his new boyfriend – WTF??) to go with him to a company party. Last night we shopped for a DRESS for me (actually we were in the store just looking and K mentioned to me that the party was semi-formal or costume and I said “Oh well I better look for a dress since we are here!”) and I found the PERFECT dress – it’s PINK with an obnoxious pattern that I absolutely LOVE! The only problem is that it’s a little tight in the bust but fits everywhere else – YES tight in the bust for me! I know it’s hard to believe since I’m not sporting D (or larger) melons on my chest (like EVERYONE ELSE IS – BITCHES!). No biggie though, it’s probably just from water (fat) retention from too much recent salt (and pizza) consumption. My real problem is that I don’t have a halter bra or a strapless bra and this dress is a halter dress. Lately I’ve had no luck in the bra shopping area so I may have to resort to duct tape or just say “Fuck it, I’m going with a gay man who’s not looking at my titties anyway!” and just let them be free (not likely).
Okay, off to do something constructive with my day.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Where’d All The Love Go???
Gay Jesus on a pogo stick, where’d all the love go??? Yesterday my inbox was just BURSTING with love and adoration (damn that sounds dirty) and today hardly anything. What’s up with that??
One of the BEST things I heard yesterday was “When you left (dramatic pause), it got lame.” How could I argue with that??? It’s true, when I leave; the lameness is palpable (total sarcasm). The best part of that comment is that the guy who said it was totally serious and I don’t think he was even trying to hit on me! Obviously he’s insane, but I now have complete admiration for him. This one comment in no way diminishes my fondness for the many comments that declared me being ‘gorgeous/hot/smokin’ hot/adorable/scorching hot/sexy’, but the total uniqueness and quirkiness (and complete truth – HAH!) of the statement has made it my FAVORITE for the day.
And today… hardly anything… a couple of e-mails to say hello and a dirty photo, but where has my adoring public gone? Eh, whatever, back to my BOB, I know he loves me. Fresh batteries are like that. ;)
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Random Waste of Time........... Ahh procrastination
Stolen from La Seg’s Blog.
W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N . T H A T
1. You hung out with? La Seg and John, Sunday at Westfest. Mmmmm kolaches!
2. Rode in a car with? La Seg and John, I’ve managed to avoid being in a car since then.
3. Went to the movies with?: Probably La Seg. I don’t see many movies really.
4. You went to the mall with? I haven’t been to the mall in years. I have no clue.
6. You talked on the phone to? A wrong number.
7. Made you laugh? My cat, she’s being a psycho about the cat food.
W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue?: neither
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny.
3. Drink whole or skim milk? Lactose intolerant… no moo-juice.
4. Die in a fire or drown? Probably drown, less painful. But neither really.
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? My dad is the only one alive and I’d spend time with him even though he’s very depressing.
A N S W E R . T R U T H F U L L Y.
1. Do you like anyone? Yes very much, I don’t think this person realizes how much really.
D O . Y O U . P R E F E R.
1. Sun or moon?: The moon, I love the night.
2. Winter or fall? Fall. So cool and so pretty.
3. Left or right:? Right
4. 10 acquaintances or two best friends? 2 best friends
5. Sunny or rainy? I like both, but the rain is so novel right now, I think I prefer it.
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Always chocolate.
A B O U T . Y
1. What time is it?
2. First Name? Judy… Judith on the birth certificate, but no one calls me that.
3. What do you want to do? Have that certain someone with me now.
4. Where do you want to live? I don’t know. I just want to have a simple life and be happy.
5. How many kids do you want? I have two, but I’ve considered another. Nothing is set in stone.
6. You want to get married? Eventually yes. I’m not so convinced that’ll ever happen again though.
8. Are you double jointed? no
9. Any special talents? Definitely, many special talents.
10. Do you make your bed daily? Not so much.
R A N D O M.
1. Which shoe goes on first? Left
2. Ever thrown a shoe at someone? Sure have. Unfortunately it wasn’t a stiletto, because that would have been dramatic and not just crazy.
3. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl and suck ;)
4. Have you ever eaten Spam? Unfortunately I have in my less kosher days.
5. Favorite ice cream? Godiva
6. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? 1, it’s for the kids.
7. Do you cook? All the damn time. Want to come over for dinner?
8. Current mood? Melancholy and pensive.
IN . THE. LAST. 48 HOURS. HAVE. YOU.
1. Bought something? Um yes kolaches in West on Sunday.
2. Sang? Yes, aren’t you glad you couldn’t hear that?
3. Been hugged? No, and it makes me feel kind of empty knowing that.
4. Felt stupid: yes often, more than I'd like.
5.Missed someone: Yes that’s why I’m melancholy.
6. Danced Crazy? Not in the last 48 hours, but I plan to soon.
7. Gotten your hair cut? No.
8. Cried? Probably, I’m more emotional than I let on.
9. Lied: No.
10. Been kissed? No sadly it’s been over a week.
S T U F F
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? No, but I have been pulled over.
2. When's the last time you've been sledding? .....I can’t even remember it’s been so long.
3. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? There is merit in both, though I generally would like to wake up with someone I love next to me… it’s been a while.
4. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes.
5. Do you consider yourself creative? Completely. It keeps me sane, or maybe it just gives me an outlet for my crazy.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
I Am For You Loving At First Seeing
Just a short while ago I received these two e-mails within moments of each other.
Hello Sweetie, i was searching for my heart angel and my soulmate when i saw your ravishing look and wonderful smile on your photo,which really swept me off my feet and i was so impressed,that made me drop you this few words of mine,.i would love to know you more better than i have already read of you from your profile,and also would love to have a some chat with you on yahoo instant messanger(terrymor_001@yahoo.com) pls try and add me so that we can talk things out more better.., because i ve never been so certain of a woman b4 and i want yoiu to know I got this feelings that you are exactly all i am looking for in a woman and just cant wait to read a reply of this note fromyou. Pls Kindly get back to me........ am onlline for you now
Terry M
Hello Sweetie,
I was searching for my heart angel when i came accross you loving smile and wonderful looks, Then i went ahead to read through your profile where i love all its says about you and i was swept off my feet for your personalities too, pls i would love to chat and get to know you more, so feel free and get intouch with me on yahoo instant messanger mickpaul2@yahoo.com online right now.
Waiting to read uand to hear from you my angel.
michael
Apparently I’m extremely irresistible to these men and from my vague and incomplete profile they can surmise that I am their ‘heart angel’. Both are waiting for me to chat with them so they can get to know me ‘more better’ as I am ‘exactly all’ they are looking for in a woman. I’m flattered and touched that two men of model good looks would be so swept off their feet just by looking at my photo and reading my profile. Sadly for both of them I’m extremely turned off by stupid men and their bad grammar, spelling and grasp of the English language has convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are indeed stupid and more than likely hoping that I too am stupid and lack good judgment… especially in the financial area.
I have just a few things to say to these poor love sick individuals. 1) Never trust an online photo to be an accurate portrait of that person. As all of my friends and family know, I spend literally HOURS in front of the computer photo shopping all of my photos to get rid of 175 lbs (give or take 50 lbs depending on my water retention that day), my full beard (religion demands I don’t shave it, society demands that I photo shop it out to get laid), my 16 facial moles and warts of varying size and shape (my favorite is the one that looks like Mickey Mouse – but I always save showing that until my second date), and third eye (I only hide that in photos, on an actual date most men are to horrified by the other items to even notice the eye) and of course to painstakingly photo shop IN actual female looking features (the doctor says the hormone injections will help with that eventually), eyes of the same general size and shape that are pointing the same direction and a complete head of hair (I generally wear a ball cap on a first date to cover the patchy bald spots). 2) Never, ever trust an online romance that STARTS with an e-mail proclaiming their undying love. I learned this the hard way, after 3 costly divorces from men who though they said they lived in the USA were for some reason actually living in Africa, Yugoslavia and a snow cave in the Antarctic. 3) NEVER EVER expect your internet lover to ACTUALLY be the millionaire they say they are. Again, my own bad experiences here, I really should have known they might be poor men when they kept asking me to wire them money until their vast fortune was no long tied up in legal battles due to the current civil war in their village. If only I had googled them or their villages! But what can be done now? Live and learn, live and learn. Always run credit reports prior to marriage by proxy!
And that’s about the extent of my advice for them. Right now I must get back to my mass e-mail project in hopes of finding someone to help me out with that Nigerian banking issue.
Practice safe internet!
Just a short while ago I received these two e-mails within moments of each other.
Hello Sweetie, i was searching for my heart angel and my soulmate when i saw your ravishing look and wonderful smile on your photo,which really swept me off my feet and i was so impressed,that made me drop you this few words of mine,.i would love to know you more better than i have already read of you from your profile,and also would love to have a some chat with you on yahoo instant messanger(terrymor_001@yahoo.com) pls try and add me so that we can talk things out more better.., because i ve never been so certain of a woman b4 and i want yoiu to know I got this feelings that you are exactly all i am looking for in a woman and just cant wait to read a reply of this note fromyou. Pls Kindly get back to me........ am onlline for you now
Terry M
Hello Sweetie,
I was searching for my heart angel when i came accross you loving smile and wonderful looks, Then i went ahead to read through your profile where i love all its says about you and i was swept off my feet for your personalities too, pls i would love to chat and get to know you more, so feel free and get intouch with me on yahoo instant messanger mickpaul2@yahoo.com online right now.
Waiting to read uand to hear from you my angel.
michael
Apparently I’m extremely irresistible to these men and from my vague and incomplete profile they can surmise that I am their ‘heart angel’. Both are waiting for me to chat with them so they can get to know me ‘more better’ as I am ‘exactly all’ they are looking for in a woman. I’m flattered and touched that two men of model good looks would be so swept off their feet just by looking at my photo and reading my profile. Sadly for both of them I’m extremely turned off by stupid men and their bad grammar, spelling and grasp of the English language has convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are indeed stupid and more than likely hoping that I too am stupid and lack good judgment… especially in the financial area.
I have just a few things to say to these poor love sick individuals. 1) Never trust an online photo to be an accurate portrait of that person. As all of my friends and family know, I spend literally HOURS in front of the computer photo shopping all of my photos to get rid of 175 lbs (give or take 50 lbs depending on my water retention that day), my full beard (religion demands I don’t shave it, society demands that I photo shop it out to get laid), my 16 facial moles and warts of varying size and shape (my favorite is the one that looks like Mickey Mouse – but I always save showing that until my second date), and third eye (I only hide that in photos, on an actual date most men are to horrified by the other items to even notice the eye) and of course to painstakingly photo shop IN actual female looking features (the doctor says the hormone injections will help with that eventually), eyes of the same general size and shape that are pointing the same direction and a complete head of hair (I generally wear a ball cap on a first date to cover the patchy bald spots). 2) Never, ever trust an online romance that STARTS with an e-mail proclaiming their undying love. I learned this the hard way, after 3 costly divorces from men who though they said they lived in the USA were for some reason actually living in Africa, Yugoslavia and a snow cave in the Antarctic. 3) NEVER EVER expect your internet lover to ACTUALLY be the millionaire they say they are. Again, my own bad experiences here, I really should have known they might be poor men when they kept asking me to wire them money until their vast fortune was no long tied up in legal battles due to the current civil war in their village. If only I had googled them or their villages! But what can be done now? Live and learn, live and learn. Always run credit reports prior to marriage by proxy!
And that’s about the extent of my advice for them. Right now I must get back to my mass e-mail project in hopes of finding someone to help me out with that Nigerian banking issue.
Practice safe internet!
The Culture Of Cruelty
Or
Why Do Females Tear Each Other Down
What an odd morning I had. I forgot to turn my alarm back on so I woke at 7:15 am and ran round waking everyone up because we were now all running 45 minutes late! Some how everyone got out the door on time.
Before I sprinted out the door with the Tiny Terrorist I did check one piece of my e-mail and we delighted by an e-mail from someone who’s only purpose was to tell me that he thought I was ‘breathtaking’. This of course left me all smiles and happy as I walked the offspring to the bus stop.
All of the usual suspects were already assembled at the bus stop when we arrived and both progeny went to talk with groups of girls close in their ages. I stood to the side and watched as I always do. I noticed some commotion in the group that Cabbage Patch was with and that Cabbage Patch was getting upset then she came over to me and said “Mamma those girls were talking about my clothes!” She was upset and I was irritated that the girls would be making fun of her at such a young age. She’s 5! And her clothes are brand new (and very cute)! So I did the good mother thing and told her “Those girls are just jealous of you and your cute outfit. Tell them to be quiet.” What I really wanted to tell her was “Look that girl in the eye and tell that girl she’s just a jealous bitch and to eat shit.” I really wanted to go grab the ring leader and spank her for being so mean.
Then I looked around at the other kids. All the girls were congregated in the same general area and the boys were dispersed in a few areas, most of them playing a spirited game of catch with a foot ball. The ones who were just standing around taking were directly in front of me so I could hear their conversation and NONE of the conversation revolved around how anyone looked. I didn’t need to hear the girls conversations to know what they were saying. I saw them whispering and cutting their eyes at another girl who wasn’t ‘in’ their group, then saw them whisper more. Most of the groups of girls were doing this at one time or another. Usually the younger girls (5-6) raced each other while the older girls sat and looked on and snickered in their little groups at the ‘outcast’ of the day. Today the younger ones decided to follow suit of the older meaner girls.
I suddenly hated the girls and not just the mean ones I witness on a daily basis being snarky and petty, but all girls and women in general. This horrible mean pattern of behavior gets repeated over and over as we females grow up. A lucky woman is IN the right group and can be the one making the shitty comments and cutting down those unlucky enough to be a little different or not friends with the right person or whatever. It sounds so juvenile that only school aged girls would do it, but sadly I know WAY too many women who do the same damn thing even though they have moved far beyond the school yards and cafeteria clicks. Sadly when we are adults we tend to pick at those we know and are ‘friends’ with. We women are a jealous, insecure lot and don’t like one person getting more attention than the rest of us or feeling superior in some way to the rest. So behind that person’s back we’ll make comments “Gawd, did you see her hair? That color looks HORRIBLE on her! Could that skirt get any shorter? That shirt is sooo tight – she looks like she might explode out of it!, etc. etc.” Or better yet, we’ll make them to our ‘friends’ face “That skirt is AWFULLY short don’t you think. Nice shirt, looks a little.. um tight though. Etc, etc, etc.”
As women we are some of the snarkiest and bitchiest people around! Now my question is WHY? Why do we as women spend so much energy tearing each other down and WHY aren’t we teaching our daughters to build each other up? And no I don’t think men are completely innocent in all of this, just that women/girls seem to spend a lot more time at it than men do. *sigh* Being female is a bitch a lot of the time.
Or
Why Do Females Tear Each Other Down
What an odd morning I had. I forgot to turn my alarm back on so I woke at 7:15 am and ran round waking everyone up because we were now all running 45 minutes late! Some how everyone got out the door on time.
Before I sprinted out the door with the Tiny Terrorist I did check one piece of my e-mail and we delighted by an e-mail from someone who’s only purpose was to tell me that he thought I was ‘breathtaking’. This of course left me all smiles and happy as I walked the offspring to the bus stop.
All of the usual suspects were already assembled at the bus stop when we arrived and both progeny went to talk with groups of girls close in their ages. I stood to the side and watched as I always do. I noticed some commotion in the group that Cabbage Patch was with and that Cabbage Patch was getting upset then she came over to me and said “Mamma those girls were talking about my clothes!” She was upset and I was irritated that the girls would be making fun of her at such a young age. She’s 5! And her clothes are brand new (and very cute)! So I did the good mother thing and told her “Those girls are just jealous of you and your cute outfit. Tell them to be quiet.” What I really wanted to tell her was “Look that girl in the eye and tell that girl she’s just a jealous bitch and to eat shit.” I really wanted to go grab the ring leader and spank her for being so mean.
Then I looked around at the other kids. All the girls were congregated in the same general area and the boys were dispersed in a few areas, most of them playing a spirited game of catch with a foot ball. The ones who were just standing around taking were directly in front of me so I could hear their conversation and NONE of the conversation revolved around how anyone looked. I didn’t need to hear the girls conversations to know what they were saying. I saw them whispering and cutting their eyes at another girl who wasn’t ‘in’ their group, then saw them whisper more. Most of the groups of girls were doing this at one time or another. Usually the younger girls (5-6) raced each other while the older girls sat and looked on and snickered in their little groups at the ‘outcast’ of the day. Today the younger ones decided to follow suit of the older meaner girls.
I suddenly hated the girls and not just the mean ones I witness on a daily basis being snarky and petty, but all girls and women in general. This horrible mean pattern of behavior gets repeated over and over as we females grow up. A lucky woman is IN the right group and can be the one making the shitty comments and cutting down those unlucky enough to be a little different or not friends with the right person or whatever. It sounds so juvenile that only school aged girls would do it, but sadly I know WAY too many women who do the same damn thing even though they have moved far beyond the school yards and cafeteria clicks. Sadly when we are adults we tend to pick at those we know and are ‘friends’ with. We women are a jealous, insecure lot and don’t like one person getting more attention than the rest of us or feeling superior in some way to the rest. So behind that person’s back we’ll make comments “Gawd, did you see her hair? That color looks HORRIBLE on her! Could that skirt get any shorter? That shirt is sooo tight – she looks like she might explode out of it!, etc. etc.” Or better yet, we’ll make them to our ‘friends’ face “That skirt is AWFULLY short don’t you think. Nice shirt, looks a little.. um tight though. Etc, etc, etc.”
As women we are some of the snarkiest and bitchiest people around! Now my question is WHY? Why do we as women spend so much energy tearing each other down and WHY aren’t we teaching our daughters to build each other up? And no I don’t think men are completely innocent in all of this, just that women/girls seem to spend a lot more time at it than men do. *sigh* Being female is a bitch a lot of the time.
Game Night ROCKED!
Game Night probably should have been called ‘The Night of Taboo! AKA The Come On My Face Game!’ We had a rousing turn out, at one point we had 9 people stuffed in my little living room – two of them being PREGNANT WOMEN. Let me assure you, I didn’t drink the water THAT night.
Anyway, it started out with La Seg and the Soldier, Claire and Billy, Horton Hears A Who and his wife and me. We busted out Taboo because La Seg has had the game for over a year and has never played. At one point in the game the Soldier or Horton Hears A Who said something like “When you’ve been having sex with a girl, she doesn’t want you to do this” and Billy said “Come on her face?” I think the word was either lie or cheat, but there was too much laughter after that to make any more guesses. From that moment on “Come on her face!” was the key phrase of the night. A close second was ‘Harrelson’ when the word ‘Woody’ came up because the Soldier said “Sometimes when a guy looks at a girl he gets a…” and after we finally guessed it he said something like “Harrelson? Why wouldn’t I be able to say Harrelson for woody?” which lead to a bunch of inappropriate comments… Think about it, I’m sure you can come up with them. Part way through the night Badra and Koolagh showed up with a couple of friends and played Taboo with us for a while.
The girls kicked the guys asses by at least 30 points. It totally made up for the fact that we had to listen to the men bitch the entire game about how we women had some kind of ‘female telepathy’ and it wasn’t fair. Whaaa-whaaa… babies!
The evening finally wound up a little after 1 am.
Enjoy the photo of the Soldier. It took all of us just to keep him away from the hot pink boa.
A little something for the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy...
No really, aqua and rhinstones are very manly... really.
Game Night probably should have been called ‘The Night of Taboo! AKA The Come On My Face Game!’ We had a rousing turn out, at one point we had 9 people stuffed in my little living room – two of them being PREGNANT WOMEN. Let me assure you, I didn’t drink the water THAT night.
Anyway, it started out with La Seg and the Soldier, Claire and Billy, Horton Hears A Who and his wife and me. We busted out Taboo because La Seg has had the game for over a year and has never played. At one point in the game the Soldier or Horton Hears A Who said something like “When you’ve been having sex with a girl, she doesn’t want you to do this” and Billy said “Come on her face?” I think the word was either lie or cheat, but there was too much laughter after that to make any more guesses. From that moment on “Come on her face!” was the key phrase of the night. A close second was ‘Harrelson’ when the word ‘Woody’ came up because the Soldier said “Sometimes when a guy looks at a girl he gets a…” and after we finally guessed it he said something like “Harrelson? Why wouldn’t I be able to say Harrelson for woody?” which lead to a bunch of inappropriate comments… Think about it, I’m sure you can come up with them. Part way through the night Badra and Koolagh showed up with a couple of friends and played Taboo with us for a while.
The girls kicked the guys asses by at least 30 points. It totally made up for the fact that we had to listen to the men bitch the entire game about how we women had some kind of ‘female telepathy’ and it wasn’t fair. Whaaa-whaaa… babies!
The evening finally wound up a little after 1 am.
Enjoy the photo of the Soldier. It took all of us just to keep him away from the hot pink boa.
A little something for the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy...
No really, aqua and rhinstones are very manly... really.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
And It Just Keeps Getting Better!
I’m ready just to skip this fucking day and move right to Sunday. Fuck, I might be ready to just move right to Monday. So the rest of my work day was startlingly unprofitable. And I was hoping to be finished with work early Sunday – I generally can count on Sunday to be a short day… BUT not this week. Sunday will be very busy, I already have 7 on my schedule and that’s not even counting any births from today! Shit. THEN I had to take 121 home instead of my usually route of the toll way as all my toll way money, AND of course the 121 was packed with traffic so it was a total CRAWL and that SUCKS sooo much in the Easy Bake Oven – I’m fairly certain I’m a tad overcooked. To top it ALL off when I get home I discovered that my computer has gone TITS UP! FUCK!!! K said he’d have to reinstall the OS because it’s FUCKED. Great, wonderful, fabulous. AND I still have about a million things to get done before people arrive tonight… I need a drink… or 3. Damn it! I want a do-over on this day!
Okay, I’m better now.
I’m ready just to skip this fucking day and move right to Sunday. Fuck, I might be ready to just move right to Monday. So the rest of my work day was startlingly unprofitable. And I was hoping to be finished with work early Sunday – I generally can count on Sunday to be a short day… BUT not this week. Sunday will be very busy, I already have 7 on my schedule and that’s not even counting any births from today! Shit. THEN I had to take 121 home instead of my usually route of the toll way as all my toll way money, AND of course the 121 was packed with traffic so it was a total CRAWL and that SUCKS sooo much in the Easy Bake Oven – I’m fairly certain I’m a tad overcooked. To top it ALL off when I get home I discovered that my computer has gone TITS UP! FUCK!!! K said he’d have to reinstall the OS because it’s FUCKED. Great, wonderful, fabulous. AND I still have about a million things to get done before people arrive tonight… I need a drink… or 3. Damn it! I want a do-over on this day!
Okay, I’m better now.
Some People Just Need Shootin'
Gawd how I dislike people who make my job more complicate! All I asked for was a print out of the screens - just like we get EVERY DAY, and for some reason that's just not within her clerical abilities. After waiting 5 minutes for her to realize I was standing at the desk for a reason she then tells me she doesn't know how to do that but she can give me a different list. Great, great, just give me what I need I think and take it. When I look at in upstairs I realize the damn thing doesn't have all the info I need nor does it list all the rooms and the best part is that it's not in order. *sigh* Breathing deeply now... all is well... having a great hair day. Okay I'm done.
Gawd how I dislike people who make my job more complicate! All I asked for was a print out of the screens - just like we get EVERY DAY, and for some reason that's just not within her clerical abilities. After waiting 5 minutes for her to realize I was standing at the desk for a reason she then tells me she doesn't know how to do that but she can give me a different list. Great, great, just give me what I need I think and take it. When I look at in upstairs I realize the damn thing doesn't have all the info I need nor does it list all the rooms and the best part is that it's not in order. *sigh* Breathing deeply now... all is well... having a great hair day. Okay I'm done.
A Million To Keep Me Company
I didn’t sleep well last night. I have a million things to do today and no time to do them because I have to go to that detestable place called WORK. Though I really do need to work since I haven’t worked in the past two weekends. I still have a million things to get done because PEOPLE will be over at mi casa tonight and mi casa es muy asustadiza (that’s scary). I’m going to leave a list of things for people to do, but I’m such a bitch, I like things done MY way so I’m still panicking because I know things won’t be PERFECT.
Whatever. On to other things.
Work related – SUPPOSEDLY my boss should know something about me moving to weekdays by Wednesday. I say supposedly because I was supposed to be moved to weekdays the beginning of August, but obviously since I’m bitching about WORKING today that just didn’t happen. We shall see.
Did you know I write poetry? No really I do and not that angst filled, depressing crap written by the Emo kids before they cut themselves. In an effort to get in touch with my FEELINGS because someone recently told me I really NEEDED to get in touch with them and I really don’t want to deal with THERAPY yet again (gave that up years ago) I write poetry on a secret blog (no you can’t have the link) so as no one will see (least of all the man who inspires most of the prose) the really bad poetry that’s vulgar, obscene, profane and sexual. It’s awful stuff, but it makes me giggle when I think “Hmmm don’t think Emily Dickenson ever used ‘fuck’ or wrote a poem about giving a blow”, then it seems really ridiculous and I like it. I don’t know if it’ll get me in touch with my pent up feelings or not, but it does seem to be amuse me if nothing else.
Okay, off to make a detailed list of what I need my slaves… er… offspring and K to accomplish while I’m away.
I didn’t sleep well last night. I have a million things to do today and no time to do them because I have to go to that detestable place called WORK. Though I really do need to work since I haven’t worked in the past two weekends. I still have a million things to get done because PEOPLE will be over at mi casa tonight and mi casa es muy asustadiza (that’s scary). I’m going to leave a list of things for people to do, but I’m such a bitch, I like things done MY way so I’m still panicking because I know things won’t be PERFECT.
Whatever. On to other things.
Work related – SUPPOSEDLY my boss should know something about me moving to weekdays by Wednesday. I say supposedly because I was supposed to be moved to weekdays the beginning of August, but obviously since I’m bitching about WORKING today that just didn’t happen. We shall see.
Did you know I write poetry? No really I do and not that angst filled, depressing crap written by the Emo kids before they cut themselves. In an effort to get in touch with my FEELINGS because someone recently told me I really NEEDED to get in touch with them and I really don’t want to deal with THERAPY yet again (gave that up years ago) I write poetry on a secret blog (no you can’t have the link) so as no one will see (least of all the man who inspires most of the prose) the really bad poetry that’s vulgar, obscene, profane and sexual. It’s awful stuff, but it makes me giggle when I think “Hmmm don’t think Emily Dickenson ever used ‘fuck’ or wrote a poem about giving a blow”, then it seems really ridiculous and I like it. I don’t know if it’ll get me in touch with my pent up feelings or not, but it does seem to be amuse me if nothing else.
Okay, off to make a detailed list of what I need my slaves… er… offspring and K to accomplish while I’m away.
Friday, September 01, 2006
I Gave A Lap Dance To................
I stole this off Ash's blog because it's funny and it's way to much effort to be funny today... or interesting... or witty... or anything really... PMS sucks. BRING ME CHOCOLATE and BOOZE!oh heh... just do this yourself and put it on your blob.
Pick the month (number) you were born in:
1----I fell in love with
2----I ate a
3----I smacked
4----I sang to
5----I gave my number to
6----I murdered
7----I shot
8----I gave a lap dance to
9----I choked on
10---I bitched out
11---I had sex with
12---I humped
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------A homeless guy
2-------your mom
3-------a banana
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a gangster
7-------a hooker
8-------an ipod
9-------my best friend's boyfriend
10-------a goat
11-------my dog
12-------a ninja
13-------the computer
14-------a football player
15-------my neighbor
16-------myself
17-------a Jones soda
18-------a llama
19-------a pickle
20-------a stuffed animal
21-------a permanent marker
22-------my dad
23-------a condom
24-------my psychiatrist
25-------a policeman
26-------my brother
27-------my sister
28-------a baseball bat
29-------a DVD player
30------- a paperclip
31-------my cell phone
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White----Because I was high.
Black-----Because I was drunk.
Pink------Because I'm NOT homosexual.
Red------Because the voices told me to.
Blue------Because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green----Because I hate myself.
Purple---Because I'm naked.
Gray-----Because that's how I roll.
Yellow---Because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange--Because I hate my family.
Other-------Because that's how I roll.
Me:
I gave a lap dance to my dog because I'm sexy and I do what I want.
I stole this off Ash's blog because it's funny and it's way to much effort to be funny today... or interesting... or witty... or anything really... PMS sucks. BRING ME CHOCOLATE and BOOZE!oh heh... just do this yourself and put it on your blob.
Pick the month (number) you were born in:
1----I fell in love with
2----I ate a
3----I smacked
4----I sang to
5----I gave my number to
6----I murdered
7----I shot
8----I gave a lap dance to
9----I choked on
10---I bitched out
11---I had sex with
12---I humped
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------A homeless guy
2-------your mom
3-------a banana
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a gangster
7-------a hooker
8-------an ipod
9-------my best friend's boyfriend
10-------a goat
11-------my dog
12-------a ninja
13-------the computer
14-------a football player
15-------my neighbor
16-------myself
17-------a Jones soda
18-------a llama
19-------a pickle
20-------a stuffed animal
21-------a permanent marker
22-------my dad
23-------a condom
24-------my psychiatrist
25-------a policeman
26-------my brother
27-------my sister
28-------a baseball bat
29-------a DVD player
30------- a paperclip
31-------my cell phone
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White----Because I was high.
Black-----Because I was drunk.
Pink------Because I'm NOT homosexual.
Red------Because the voices told me to.
Blue------Because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green----Because I hate myself.
Purple---Because I'm naked.
Gray-----Because that's how I roll.
Yellow---Because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange--Because I hate my family.
Other-------Because that's how I roll.
Me:
I gave a lap dance to my dog because I'm sexy and I do what I want.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Lovefool
Sometimes I think this song was written just for me... other times I don't.
Lovefool Lyrics
Artist: The Cardigans
Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought to stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!
So I cry, and I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not reach a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go
So I cry, I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
(anything but you)
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
Love me love me
I know that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
Sometimes I think this song was written just for me... other times I don't.
Lovefool Lyrics
Artist: The Cardigans
Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought to stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!
So I cry, and I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not reach a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go
So I cry, I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
(anything but you)
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
Love me love me
I know that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Invisible Pools
Saturday was to be a most amazing day for the Tiny Terrorists. We had invited MacGyver over with her little man to swim at the pool. Being that the temps have been 100 + for a while now, so a day at the pool and then grilling hot dogs with friends sounded fabulous.
Saturday the Tiny Terrorists slept in to an obscene 8 am! Yes I was shocked they would allow themselves to sleep so darn late (sarcasm). After watching cartoons for an appropriate amount of time, I bribed the offspring with the offer of WAFFLES from Waffle House for breakfast. This worked and they got dressed pretty quick, little did they know that after WAFFLES, we’d be heading to HELL IT’S SELF! WALMART ON A SATURDAY!
Actually the Wally-World trip was pain free and relatively whine-free– I think a massive sugar rush for the progeny kept them in good moods. After frivolously blowing most of my measly pay check on essentials like FOOD and GAS, we headed home to prepare for the arrival of MacGyver and Little Man. They arrived right on time with hot dog buns and bagged salad in hand. We all slipped into swim suits and sun block and headed to the pool… and THIS is where the REAL adventure began.
We got to the gate and found it locked, so we walked around to the other entrance and found it also locked. No sign, just LOCKED. I found this perplexing as it was 100 outside and a weekend and one would think that when it’s been 100 + for so damn long that people would make certain that the pool would be open especially on the weekend. I went to the office to ask WTF? And was told that something was fucked with the chemicals and it would be open Tuesday or so. Awww damn.
I informed the group of the unfortunate circumstances and we went back to me casa. Somewhere on the 3 minute walk, I had an epiphany as I remembered that the fine city of M has at least ONE public pool. Once seated comfortably in front of my computer I found the city web site and the link to the aquatic centers. It showed two pools VERY CLOSE to me. I called each to find out the rates - $2.00 for adults $1.25 for kids – and the hours and then we headed off. One was on Louisiana Ave. and the other was off McDonald. We headed for the one of Louisiana – heading directly for where the nice person who answered the phone told us to go to. Suddenly Louisiana turned into Greenville and it never did cross Hwy 5! We were perplexed. MacGyver and I both knew were this intersection was supposed to be (or so we thought) and there was NO signs of a public pool anywhere.
We headed off towards the other location. We drove down McDonald until we were quite certain we weren’t in the fine city of M anymore. We drove back. We circled. We looked. We finally gave up because we’d been driving around for an hour in a 4 mile area. The Tiny Terrorists and Little Man were getting restless. We headed back towards Casa de Karmically Challenged amid a chorus of disappointed little voices.
Upon return to the Casa, a check of the almighty and all powerful Mapquest revealed two things 1) the city of M was designed by either sadistic bastards or retarded monkeys… er.. Um, I mean apparently someone thought it was a really good idea to have Louisiana to turn into Greenville but if you turn on Throckmorton you will find Louisiana again. There’s this whole section of Louisiana that’s not connected to Louisiana for some jacked up reason. AND that apparently someone has a really sick sense of humor as the location on Mapquest for the other pool is either at the city cemetery or at the city dump which is behind the cemetery, I have no idea but I’m now morbidly curious to see this as I now how images of Poltergeist going through my head (it’s cool, I love that movie).
Since we were back at Casa de Karmically Challenged I figured we might as well get the grillin’ started! I dumped what looked to me to be a proper amount of charcoal in the grill and liberally doused it with charcoal lighter fluid then lit it. I have to say, I have the feeling that I just MIGHT have put too much of the charcoal lighter on them as they were not only completely engulfed in flames within 30 seconds but the flames were shooting up from the grill about 3 feet. No matter, the charcoal was ready REALLY fast and that meant the hot dogs were ready really fast.
After dinner I gave the kids cupcakes, because ya know, everybody loves sugared up kids!
The evening was a success even if the Little People never could get the Little Man’s name right. Thankfully Sunday morning they slept in to a surprising 8 am.
Saturday was to be a most amazing day for the Tiny Terrorists. We had invited MacGyver over with her little man to swim at the pool. Being that the temps have been 100 + for a while now, so a day at the pool and then grilling hot dogs with friends sounded fabulous.
Saturday the Tiny Terrorists slept in to an obscene 8 am! Yes I was shocked they would allow themselves to sleep so darn late (sarcasm). After watching cartoons for an appropriate amount of time, I bribed the offspring with the offer of WAFFLES from Waffle House for breakfast. This worked and they got dressed pretty quick, little did they know that after WAFFLES, we’d be heading to HELL IT’S SELF! WALMART ON A SATURDAY!
Actually the Wally-World trip was pain free and relatively whine-free– I think a massive sugar rush for the progeny kept them in good moods. After frivolously blowing most of my measly pay check on essentials like FOOD and GAS, we headed home to prepare for the arrival of MacGyver and Little Man. They arrived right on time with hot dog buns and bagged salad in hand. We all slipped into swim suits and sun block and headed to the pool… and THIS is where the REAL adventure began.
We got to the gate and found it locked, so we walked around to the other entrance and found it also locked. No sign, just LOCKED. I found this perplexing as it was 100 outside and a weekend and one would think that when it’s been 100 + for so damn long that people would make certain that the pool would be open especially on the weekend. I went to the office to ask WTF? And was told that something was fucked with the chemicals and it would be open Tuesday or so. Awww damn.
I informed the group of the unfortunate circumstances and we went back to me casa. Somewhere on the 3 minute walk, I had an epiphany as I remembered that the fine city of M has at least ONE public pool. Once seated comfortably in front of my computer I found the city web site and the link to the aquatic centers. It showed two pools VERY CLOSE to me. I called each to find out the rates - $2.00 for adults $1.25 for kids – and the hours and then we headed off. One was on Louisiana Ave. and the other was off McDonald. We headed for the one of Louisiana – heading directly for where the nice person who answered the phone told us to go to. Suddenly Louisiana turned into Greenville and it never did cross Hwy 5! We were perplexed. MacGyver and I both knew were this intersection was supposed to be (or so we thought) and there was NO signs of a public pool anywhere.
We headed off towards the other location. We drove down McDonald until we were quite certain we weren’t in the fine city of M anymore. We drove back. We circled. We looked. We finally gave up because we’d been driving around for an hour in a 4 mile area. The Tiny Terrorists and Little Man were getting restless. We headed back towards Casa de Karmically Challenged amid a chorus of disappointed little voices.
Upon return to the Casa, a check of the almighty and all powerful Mapquest revealed two things 1) the city of M was designed by either sadistic bastards or retarded monkeys… er.. Um, I mean apparently someone thought it was a really good idea to have Louisiana to turn into Greenville but if you turn on Throckmorton you will find Louisiana again. There’s this whole section of Louisiana that’s not connected to Louisiana for some jacked up reason. AND that apparently someone has a really sick sense of humor as the location on Mapquest for the other pool is either at the city cemetery or at the city dump which is behind the cemetery, I have no idea but I’m now morbidly curious to see this as I now how images of Poltergeist going through my head (it’s cool, I love that movie).
Since we were back at Casa de Karmically Challenged I figured we might as well get the grillin’ started! I dumped what looked to me to be a proper amount of charcoal in the grill and liberally doused it with charcoal lighter fluid then lit it. I have to say, I have the feeling that I just MIGHT have put too much of the charcoal lighter on them as they were not only completely engulfed in flames within 30 seconds but the flames were shooting up from the grill about 3 feet. No matter, the charcoal was ready REALLY fast and that meant the hot dogs were ready really fast.
After dinner I gave the kids cupcakes, because ya know, everybody loves sugared up kids!
The evening was a success even if the Little People never could get the Little Man’s name right. Thankfully Sunday morning they slept in to a surprising 8 am.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Friday’s Adventures
Friday started out innocent enough. I got up at the same time, got the Tiny Terrorists off to school as usual and then I went back home as usual to sit around in my undies and drink my 40 as usual (just kidding about the 40). Today would be different though. Today I would drive K to the airport so he could spend the weekend in Chicago (lucky bastard) with his new ‘friend’ (who happens to be really nice, smart, funny and cute (lucky bastard) – a total step above The Refugee) and then have lunch with La Seg.
All went smoothly for the drop off and then the trip to La Seg’s work. Lunch with La Seg actually had a double purpose. One was the obvious, to hang out with La Seg and have sushi, the other was to actually validate the existence of the Easter bunny. The Easter bunny is the name I refer to her brother because he seemed to be total myth. People spoke of him but I had yet to actually see him or even a photo of said Easter bunny, so I wanted to see if he was REAL and not just a figment of La Seg’s active imagination that she used when she was a kid to get extra presents at Christmas. EVEN though I had heard Hitler mention the Easter bunny, I have been to her house and seen several photos of La Seg, but NO photos of the Easter bunny, so I was skeptical… her mom might just go along with her to keep her happy. Shortly before leaving for lunch we stalked him through the shop and she PROVED that the Easter bunny does in fact exist - I’m almost disappointed that my theory of a Pretend Sibling was busted, him being a cute kind of made up for any disappointment.
ANYWAY… I digress (as usual), we headed out (in La Seg’s air conditioned vehicle) for a delicious sushi lunch then decided to head over to Sam Moon for some lightening fast shopping. At the stroke of 3 pm we decided to dash up to Casa de Karmically Challenged to meet my offspring at the bus stop by 3:50 pm. And THIS is where the trouble started…
We immediately ran into amazing amounts of traffic as soon as we got on the highway. I didn’t worry to much as it should only take 30 minutes to get from where we were to the Casa de Karmically Challenged. Or so I thought… At 4 pm we are just at the “Welcome to M_ _!” sign by the bridge and traffic is just crawling. We take the Hwy 5 exit because I figure it will be faster to go by the hospital – not so much, it’s packed again, just crawling. We turn down another road by the school – again crammed with barely moving traffic. Finally we go a round about way and get to my street from the other direction and finally make it to Casa de Karmically Challenged at 4:45 pm! 45 minutes AFTER my offspring got off the bus! My progeny made me proud, they proved to be rather smart and went to the office and explained their situation and the maintenance man opened the door for them. I was terrified that my offspring would have been running around like wild animals in the creek and I’d have to go hunt them down. Thankfully they are much more responsible (and paranoid) than I gave them credit for. When I opened the door they were all red faced (they had waited outside for like 35 minutes before going to the office) and full of hugs and “Mamma! We were so worried!”
To buy off our guilt for being so late, we gave the Little People their pressies from Sam Moon – La Seg had gotten them each a satin coin purse covered in sequins (which they LOVE) and took them to Braums for ice cream. Then we headed back to the shop.
A SIGN
The shop proved to be full of many wonderful and splendid things for the Little People, not least of all La Seg’s family – Hitler, Santa and the Easter bunny. The Little People were mesmerized by Hitler and her desk of many things. La Seg took us on a tour through the workshop and blew their little minds with the machine that softens the plastic to make the signs… oh yeah AND the big Denny’s sign that was there. The Easter bunny delighted the wee people by turning on some of the neon signs for them to see and when we were almost ready to leave, we discovered that Santa was in his office and the Little People were completely entranced by all the signs in his office. I was paranoid with them touching all the signs but Santa didn’t seem to even notice. (Yes the Little People actually do believe La Seg’s father IS Santa and that this is what he does when he isn’t at the North Pole making toys.) The whole damn family is so damn patient it’s mind boggling. Currently I’m trying to forge documents to prove I’m actually part of the family (or devise another devious plot to join the family) as I think these people are going to make the coolest grandparents EVER and damn it, I’d like to be able to drop the Little People off there for the weekend. ;) (Kidding La Seg!)(*update - I've decided the best way in the family is to stalk the Easter bunny and give him an heir by any means necessary... I already know where he lives, where he works and who his family is... the rest is just a matter of time until he gives in or goes into the witness protection program... will update with a complete plan later. Easter bunny you will be mine!)
The evening ended about 10:30 pm after we got back from a super fast Chinese dinner (we got there at 9:30 pm and the lady taking out order kept saying “We close at 10 pm!” and I’d say “We’ll eat fast!” and we did!). And the most ironic thing happened on the way home. When I got right to the ‘Welcome..’ sign again, traffic was stopped for ANOTHER ACCIDENT. I had to call La Seg and tell her.
And THAT is the fun we had on Friday. (Go check out La Seg’s blog for her version of the fun)
STAY TUNED! UP NEXT! THE INVISIBLE POOL!
Friday started out innocent enough. I got up at the same time, got the Tiny Terrorists off to school as usual and then I went back home as usual to sit around in my undies and drink my 40 as usual (just kidding about the 40). Today would be different though. Today I would drive K to the airport so he could spend the weekend in Chicago (lucky bastard) with his new ‘friend’ (who happens to be really nice, smart, funny and cute (lucky bastard) – a total step above The Refugee) and then have lunch with La Seg.
All went smoothly for the drop off and then the trip to La Seg’s work. Lunch with La Seg actually had a double purpose. One was the obvious, to hang out with La Seg and have sushi, the other was to actually validate the existence of the Easter bunny. The Easter bunny is the name I refer to her brother because he seemed to be total myth. People spoke of him but I had yet to actually see him or even a photo of said Easter bunny, so I wanted to see if he was REAL and not just a figment of La Seg’s active imagination that she used when she was a kid to get extra presents at Christmas. EVEN though I had heard Hitler mention the Easter bunny, I have been to her house and seen several photos of La Seg, but NO photos of the Easter bunny, so I was skeptical… her mom might just go along with her to keep her happy. Shortly before leaving for lunch we stalked him through the shop and she PROVED that the Easter bunny does in fact exist - I’m almost disappointed that my theory of a Pretend Sibling was busted, him being a cute kind of made up for any disappointment.
ANYWAY… I digress (as usual), we headed out (in La Seg’s air conditioned vehicle) for a delicious sushi lunch then decided to head over to Sam Moon for some lightening fast shopping. At the stroke of 3 pm we decided to dash up to Casa de Karmically Challenged to meet my offspring at the bus stop by 3:50 pm. And THIS is where the trouble started…
We immediately ran into amazing amounts of traffic as soon as we got on the highway. I didn’t worry to much as it should only take 30 minutes to get from where we were to the Casa de Karmically Challenged. Or so I thought… At 4 pm we are just at the “Welcome to M_ _!” sign by the bridge and traffic is just crawling. We take the Hwy 5 exit because I figure it will be faster to go by the hospital – not so much, it’s packed again, just crawling. We turn down another road by the school – again crammed with barely moving traffic. Finally we go a round about way and get to my street from the other direction and finally make it to Casa de Karmically Challenged at 4:45 pm! 45 minutes AFTER my offspring got off the bus! My progeny made me proud, they proved to be rather smart and went to the office and explained their situation and the maintenance man opened the door for them. I was terrified that my offspring would have been running around like wild animals in the creek and I’d have to go hunt them down. Thankfully they are much more responsible (and paranoid) than I gave them credit for. When I opened the door they were all red faced (they had waited outside for like 35 minutes before going to the office) and full of hugs and “Mamma! We were so worried!”
To buy off our guilt for being so late, we gave the Little People their pressies from Sam Moon – La Seg had gotten them each a satin coin purse covered in sequins (which they LOVE) and took them to Braums for ice cream. Then we headed back to the shop.
A SIGN
The shop proved to be full of many wonderful and splendid things for the Little People, not least of all La Seg’s family – Hitler, Santa and the Easter bunny. The Little People were mesmerized by Hitler and her desk of many things. La Seg took us on a tour through the workshop and blew their little minds with the machine that softens the plastic to make the signs… oh yeah AND the big Denny’s sign that was there. The Easter bunny delighted the wee people by turning on some of the neon signs for them to see and when we were almost ready to leave, we discovered that Santa was in his office and the Little People were completely entranced by all the signs in his office. I was paranoid with them touching all the signs but Santa didn’t seem to even notice. (Yes the Little People actually do believe La Seg’s father IS Santa and that this is what he does when he isn’t at the North Pole making toys.) The whole damn family is so damn patient it’s mind boggling. Currently I’m trying to forge documents to prove I’m actually part of the family (or devise another devious plot to join the family) as I think these people are going to make the coolest grandparents EVER and damn it, I’d like to be able to drop the Little People off there for the weekend. ;) (Kidding La Seg!)(*update - I've decided the best way in the family is to stalk the Easter bunny and give him an heir by any means necessary... I already know where he lives, where he works and who his family is... the rest is just a matter of time until he gives in or goes into the witness protection program... will update with a complete plan later. Easter bunny you will be mine!)
The evening ended about 10:30 pm after we got back from a super fast Chinese dinner (we got there at 9:30 pm and the lady taking out order kept saying “We close at 10 pm!” and I’d say “We’ll eat fast!” and we did!). And the most ironic thing happened on the way home. When I got right to the ‘Welcome..’ sign again, traffic was stopped for ANOTHER ACCIDENT. I had to call La Seg and tell her.
And THAT is the fun we had on Friday. (Go check out La Seg’s blog for her version of the fun)
STAY TUNED! UP NEXT! THE INVISIBLE POOL!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
You wonda why they call U bitch*
Well there is an end in sight! Tomorrow Super Girl will head back to school. YAY!!! I’m sure this will probably take me out of the running on that damn Mother Of The Year Award (Damn that Kathy Lee for always winning that shit)… I mean it WOULD take me out of the running if I hadn’t already been booted from the competition so early this year with my actions toward Piss On Me Baby and her twin sister Incontinence Girl. ANYWAY, I’m desperately TIRED of entertaining my child all day. I mean she’s been relatively good these past three days – RELATIVELY… I mean there have been no fires, no animals tied to doors, no hair cuts and nothing has been broken (except my patience today), but MUTHERFUCK! I’ve had enough Muppets and Fraggles, I’ve had enough conversations that revolve around whether Coco The Wonder Dog is HAPPY to have a green bone to chew on or whether Sunshine The Magic Cat really knows trolls (and the answer is yes, she was around at least once when my brother-in-law was over). At least when her sister is here, she can have these intellectually stimulating conversations with HER and I can ignore them while I clean house. Yeah, yeah, I’m a bad mother, get over it – I’m out of booze and I have PMS so unless you are going to give me a bottle of booze or some fantastic sex, just keep your pie hole shut. Right now I’m taking comfort in knowing that TOMORROW she is BACK TO SCHOOL! Woot!
Fluffy Developments
I LOVE Baths!
Since Coco The Wonder Dog is once again vacationing here at Casa De Karmically Challenged, I thought it would be a good idea to give her a bath. Besides I still have most of a bottle of fru-fru dog wash left and the label ‘suggests’ that it shouldn’t be used on humans and so far I’ve resisted the urge to wash the offspring with it despite it’s delightful smell and promise of a shiny coat. Coco is probably the EAISIEST dog to wash in the world. Drop dog in tub of water, let her jump around and play in the water until wet. Add dog wash and later. Let dot jump around and play until rinsed. Done! Then comes the best part! I blow dry her, which to be honest she’s none to thrilled with and continuously gives me the “I am so offended that you are blowing hot air on THAT part of my body.” Not that I really care because she looks so damn cute and FLUFFY when it’s all over! (Enjoy photo)
Super Pouffy!
Surreal moment: Watching The Muppet Show on DVD and seeing Sandy Duncan doing a song and dance number that is set in a bar and hearing her song about drinking whiskey sours. Hmmmm… man, children’s entertainment sure was liberal back in the 70’s.
I FUCKING HATE THAT DOG...
*The title has NOTHING to do with this post (as usually really), it’s just some lines from a Tupac song that La Seg got stuck in my head. Damn her!
Well there is an end in sight! Tomorrow Super Girl will head back to school. YAY!!! I’m sure this will probably take me out of the running on that damn Mother Of The Year Award (Damn that Kathy Lee for always winning that shit)… I mean it WOULD take me out of the running if I hadn’t already been booted from the competition so early this year with my actions toward Piss On Me Baby and her twin sister Incontinence Girl. ANYWAY, I’m desperately TIRED of entertaining my child all day. I mean she’s been relatively good these past three days – RELATIVELY… I mean there have been no fires, no animals tied to doors, no hair cuts and nothing has been broken (except my patience today), but MUTHERFUCK! I’ve had enough Muppets and Fraggles, I’ve had enough conversations that revolve around whether Coco The Wonder Dog is HAPPY to have a green bone to chew on or whether Sunshine The Magic Cat really knows trolls (and the answer is yes, she was around at least once when my brother-in-law was over). At least when her sister is here, she can have these intellectually stimulating conversations with HER and I can ignore them while I clean house. Yeah, yeah, I’m a bad mother, get over it – I’m out of booze and I have PMS so unless you are going to give me a bottle of booze or some fantastic sex, just keep your pie hole shut. Right now I’m taking comfort in knowing that TOMORROW she is BACK TO SCHOOL! Woot!
Fluffy Developments
I LOVE Baths!
Since Coco The Wonder Dog is once again vacationing here at Casa De Karmically Challenged, I thought it would be a good idea to give her a bath. Besides I still have most of a bottle of fru-fru dog wash left and the label ‘suggests’ that it shouldn’t be used on humans and so far I’ve resisted the urge to wash the offspring with it despite it’s delightful smell and promise of a shiny coat. Coco is probably the EAISIEST dog to wash in the world. Drop dog in tub of water, let her jump around and play in the water until wet. Add dog wash and later. Let dot jump around and play until rinsed. Done! Then comes the best part! I blow dry her, which to be honest she’s none to thrilled with and continuously gives me the “I am so offended that you are blowing hot air on THAT part of my body.” Not that I really care because she looks so damn cute and FLUFFY when it’s all over! (Enjoy photo)
Super Pouffy!
Surreal moment: Watching The Muppet Show on DVD and seeing Sandy Duncan doing a song and dance number that is set in a bar and hearing her song about drinking whiskey sours. Hmmmm… man, children’s entertainment sure was liberal back in the 70’s.
I FUCKING HATE THAT DOG...
*The title has NOTHING to do with this post (as usually really), it’s just some lines from a Tupac song that La Seg got stuck in my head. Damn her!
Dating Drama
So consider this... A man contacts a woman and lets her know his intentions to date her and possibly have ‘naked fun’. He chats her up for a while and sets up a date. The day before the date he tells her that he was ‘recently diagnosed with herpes’ and would understand if she were to run screaming from the building cursing his name and never again speak to him. Aforementioned woman kindly tells Herpes Boy that she appreciates his honesty but there’s no way in HELL his dick will get close to her now – with or without a condom – because she’s smart enough to know how herpes is spread and just forget about getting a blow job. Herpes Boy gets indignant and hostile and states something about how he should have just lied to her and how he’s tired of just having the company of his hand leaving the aforementioned woman thinking that keeping a running list of men who need to be stabbed in the scrote is a damn good idea, either that or maybe it’s time to embrace that lesbian side and switch to women for a while.
So consider this... A man contacts a woman and lets her know his intentions to date her and possibly have ‘naked fun’. He chats her up for a while and sets up a date. The day before the date he tells her that he was ‘recently diagnosed with herpes’ and would understand if she were to run screaming from the building cursing his name and never again speak to him. Aforementioned woman kindly tells Herpes Boy that she appreciates his honesty but there’s no way in HELL his dick will get close to her now – with or without a condom – because she’s smart enough to know how herpes is spread and just forget about getting a blow job. Herpes Boy gets indignant and hostile and states something about how he should have just lied to her and how he’s tired of just having the company of his hand leaving the aforementioned woman thinking that keeping a running list of men who need to be stabbed in the scrote is a damn good idea, either that or maybe it’s time to embrace that lesbian side and switch to women for a while.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
And The Fun Just Never Ends!
Last week, sort of as a Back To School gift to herself, Super Girl got into poison ivy. As most people who have read this blog for more than a year know, Super Girl is SUPER SENSITIVE to poison ivy. She was exposed on Wednesday, starting having spots show up on Thursday evening and by Friday morning it was a nice rash on her face, neck and arms. I sent her to school covered in ointment and with the instructions to stay out of the sun (so she wouldn’t get sweaty and wash off the ointment). She looked okay Friday evening when she went to bed, just with an icky rash. Saturday morning however, she looked AWFUL. One of her eyes was nearly swollen shut! I gave her more Benidryl, put on more ointment and told K to watch her to make sure she doesn’t scratch and left for work. Now Super Girl didn’t do this exposure half way – she managed to get poison ivy on her face, her neck, her arms, under her arms, under her arms, on her hands, on her chest, on her legs (right behind the knees!), on her back, and best of all on her ass – the CRACK of her ASS! I feel so sorry for her with all these patches of rashes everywhere. The stuff on her face looks the worst because it’s on her face and her face is swollen, but the patch that’s on her right wrist and hand is actually the worst.
Poor Swollen Child
Yesterday I kept her home from school and called her Dr. to get an appointment. Gawd I love that man. He talked to Super Girl about the rash and told her to stay away from the creek. He also gave her two prescriptions – one for a steroid and one for an antibiotic because she’s got so much rash area he just didn’t want it to get infected. 20 minutes total of being in the office. Which was good because I was afraid I’d get caught in traffic, and in the Easy Bake, that’s murder!
And though I should have been able to avoid the traffic since I was on the road at just past 4 pm, it wasn’t the case. Why the hell were there soooooo many people on 75 at 4 pm?? Doesn’t anyone work until 5pm anymore?? Whatever, luckily it wasn’t the WORST traffic I’ve ever been in.
So today is yet another day of watching Muppets (thanks to the kind loaning of La Seg) to aid in the healing of my progeny. There will also be nail painting and probably more Muppets after that. I doubt there will be more blog today, but honestly do any of you REALLY want a review of Fraggle Rock or The Muppet Show on DVD? Though don’t count me out yet… all that Muppet love might cause me to snap and then I’m sure I’d have something interesting to blog about.
WORK SHIT
Work sucked this weekend. Broken equipment sucks. On a good note, my manager indicated that a weekday slot should be opening up soon, so my working weekends should be coming to an END soon! Woohoo!
Last week, sort of as a Back To School gift to herself, Super Girl got into poison ivy. As most people who have read this blog for more than a year know, Super Girl is SUPER SENSITIVE to poison ivy. She was exposed on Wednesday, starting having spots show up on Thursday evening and by Friday morning it was a nice rash on her face, neck and arms. I sent her to school covered in ointment and with the instructions to stay out of the sun (so she wouldn’t get sweaty and wash off the ointment). She looked okay Friday evening when she went to bed, just with an icky rash. Saturday morning however, she looked AWFUL. One of her eyes was nearly swollen shut! I gave her more Benidryl, put on more ointment and told K to watch her to make sure she doesn’t scratch and left for work. Now Super Girl didn’t do this exposure half way – she managed to get poison ivy on her face, her neck, her arms, under her arms, under her arms, on her hands, on her chest, on her legs (right behind the knees!), on her back, and best of all on her ass – the CRACK of her ASS! I feel so sorry for her with all these patches of rashes everywhere. The stuff on her face looks the worst because it’s on her face and her face is swollen, but the patch that’s on her right wrist and hand is actually the worst.
Poor Swollen Child
Yesterday I kept her home from school and called her Dr. to get an appointment. Gawd I love that man. He talked to Super Girl about the rash and told her to stay away from the creek. He also gave her two prescriptions – one for a steroid and one for an antibiotic because she’s got so much rash area he just didn’t want it to get infected. 20 minutes total of being in the office. Which was good because I was afraid I’d get caught in traffic, and in the Easy Bake, that’s murder!
And though I should have been able to avoid the traffic since I was on the road at just past 4 pm, it wasn’t the case. Why the hell were there soooooo many people on 75 at 4 pm?? Doesn’t anyone work until 5pm anymore?? Whatever, luckily it wasn’t the WORST traffic I’ve ever been in.
So today is yet another day of watching Muppets (thanks to the kind loaning of La Seg) to aid in the healing of my progeny. There will also be nail painting and probably more Muppets after that. I doubt there will be more blog today, but honestly do any of you REALLY want a review of Fraggle Rock or The Muppet Show on DVD? Though don’t count me out yet… all that Muppet love might cause me to snap and then I’m sure I’d have something interesting to blog about.
WORK SHIT
Work sucked this weekend. Broken equipment sucks. On a good note, my manager indicated that a weekday slot should be opening up soon, so my working weekends should be coming to an END soon! Woohoo!
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