I Got A Smack In My Hand

Ever walk around with the feeling that you want to smack the crap out of people? For no particular reason... Or maybe a reason - doesn't matter. That's me. Everything is irritating to me. Or should I say just about EVERYONE is an irritant right now. Eh, maybe it's PMS. Maybe it's just my incredibly bitchy side taking over. Who knows, I'd just suggest walking on the other side of the street if you see me... But be discrete about it... If I think you are actively avoiding me, I might just have to smack you twice for that!

Off to bed now... Probably a good think I sleep alone. ;o)

I Am The Pumpkin Queen!!

I've been making all sorts of pumpkin things - cookies, muffins, pancakes, soup, bread... I remember when my mom cooked some pumpkins (three to be exact) and how she acted as if it was the biggest pain in the ass. Then the only thing she made with the pumpkin was bread. Lots of bread. She never tried to make anything different. Too bad for her, she missed out on a lot of wonderful things.

The Week From Hell With The Little People

What? You say that it's just the middle of the week? There are still plenty of days to go? Awwww Damn.... *sigh* I better turn up my illegally downloaded music (Copacabanna is on now... Copa... copacabanna... Nothing like a cheesy song to make me smile... Well that and this bottle of cheap wine I'm drinking straight from the bottle... Oh yeah... OK I'm just virtually drinking... hmmm... Maybe I should choose something better to virtually drink... Don't fall in love... Copa, Copacabanna) and chill out for now.

Sheesh... This is one of those times I am questioning my judgment for getting off antidepressants. Let me start from MONDAY.... Have a seat, get a drink... (not mine though, I'm not sharing today), get comfortable and be thankful that the little people live in my house and not yourself (please keep that to yourself though, I have a slight homicidal feeling within so don't push me).

Manic Monday

About mid morning on Monday Cabbage Patch decided to go upstairs and play. I check on her about 10 minutes later because she won't come to where I can see here. What do I discover? She had filled an empty cookie tin with cat litter (clean) and had poured water in it thus making mud. Grrr.... I cleaned her up and sent her down the stairs for a time out. All was fine and good until after naps. My sister came over. I told Super Girl to go upstairs and find something for Cabbage Patch to wear. Cabbage Patch followed her sister up. After several attempts to get them to come on down stairs I venture upstairs to find that Cabbage Patch had mixed yet another contained of mud from the remaining clean litter and she had thrown mud balls at the wall in her bedroom. Take a moment to picture this.... OK, got it? Alright, let me continue. There were 20 or so globs of mud on the wall and both of the little people's beds were covered in litter (dry thankfully). All I could say was "Oh - My-G-d! Your father is going to flip." I made them go downstairs. D and I scratched our previous plans and headed to the store so I could procure some cleaning supplies. When hubby got home he was livid (partially because he had to clean it - he made the little people help him). The little people ended up being grounded from the TV for 2 days.

Tuesday was just a normal day here, the little people helped me tend my 'garden' and looked at the toad and BIG ASS Spider.

Wednesday Of Woe

All seemed good today. The little people enjoyed the pumpkin muffins I made for them and got to watch cartoons this morning. We ventured out to the post office and ran into a friend. Then back home for lunch. I go into the kitchen and look for things to make a nice warm lunch for the little people since it's cool today. I get their plates ready and serve them then get my food, as I sit and eat and tell the little people to EAT, I notice that Cabbage Patch's hair looks odd and it hits me. Her hair is cut. Her cute little golden curls are completely sheared off on one side (think Cindy Lauper's hair back in the 80's minus the multi colors). I look at Super Girl, her bangs are whacked up as well and there is hair on the sofa and the floor. Mommy has a moment. It pained me greatly but I had to snip off the rest of Cabbage Patch's curls to even it up. Now her hair is super short, especially the bangs - some of the places cut on the side were crew cut level. I'm so upset about this. And this is partially my fault. I used the scissors in the 'garden' yesterday and told Super Girl to put them away for me, then I forgot to make sure they were AWAY after our toad meeting adventure. Damn. Damn. Damn. Now my baby looks boyish and I hate it. I questioned Super Girl as to WHY she cut Cabbage Patch's hair and she said she wanted to be the curly baby and thought she could make Cabbage Patch's hair look pretty. *sigh* The girls are now grounded from the TV for the next two weeks as well as having to go to bed early for said two weeks. Daddy told Super Girl that for the rest of this week she won't get a story before bed.

Well I must go before more pandemonium and chaos happen.

That's my week so far... I'm going to go clean out my pantry now, maybe I have a few left over antidepressants in there or something...

My Most Exciting News... I'm EXPECTING!!!

... Tomatoes!!! - After the whole freaking summer without even the tiniest bloom I finally get tomatoes! I have a bunch of tiny tomatoes on my plant - I'll probably be the only person with nice vine ripe tomatoes at Thanksgiving! I'll keep everyone up to date on the progress of my babies!

Visitors To My Abode

Today while tending my pathetic little garden Super Girl discovered what she thought was a frog. Further investigation proved it to be a a cool toad. I picked it up and showed it to the little people and asked them if they wanted to touch the toad - they did after many squeals, then I released the toad to go about his life again.

Moments later I discovered a big ass spider hanging out between my window and screen - here's a better picture of the bastard spider

Oatcake Anyone?

I'm sure most of you have no freaking clue what an oatcake is. I know I didn't. I saw the word on someone's blog a long time and I had to look it up. I found SEVERAL different recipes - It's an English item... Or maybe an Irish on... Or Scottish... Or Welsh.. Or... Well you get the picture. I looked at all of the recipes and found one that I felt the little people might actually eat. Well they were remarkably easy to make and the little people actually at them. I thought they were kind of bland - definitely needed cream cheese. Anyway... I made them a couple of weeks ago. Might make them again.

Pumpkin Rich!

So I took care of my broken pumpkin... As well as all of my other pumpkins. I chopped them up and boiled them then puree'd them. I must have a gallon of pumpkin pulp in my fridge currently. So I made some delightful pumpkin cookies for hubby to take to his office tomorrow. I must share the wealth (and wish large hips on the skinny women in his office... heh heh heh).

I also made pumpkin soup. It was really good. I think the little people ate some of it. I'll be making a lot of pumpkin dishes in the future. I think at one time I saw a recipe for pumpkin pasta - must look for that.

Because I haven't had much time to post....


Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.

The After Trick-Or-Treat

Halloween was a blast with the little people. We headed over to hubby's brother's house to do Halloween with his family. Right before we left to go to bro-in-laws, we got a group of trick-or-treaters at our door - kids who were too old to be trick-or-treating and had no costumes on. I made a tacky comment about how all the kids were dressed as the ever popular "Kid From The Projects". I'm glad I wasn't at home to give out candy, it would have pissed me off to have a bunch of teenagers knocking on my door. Hubby, myself and hubby's brother took the kids out trick-or-treating. Sadly there were not that many people doing Halloween this year. A LOT of people had decorations (some very elaborate) but not many people were handing out candy to the little ones, despite that the little people still had quite a haul. We only did three streets total and by the time we were done with the second the kids were starting to complain about the buckets being heavy. When we got back to brother-in-law's house I dumped the kids buckets and sorted the candy - bro-in-law and sis-in-law were giving me shit about how I was organizing the candy in little piles (I've always done this... Even when I was a small child). The people in my old neighborhood give out some kick ass candy. In the sorting I filled up one pumpkin with chocolate and the other with the Twizlers, taffy, Skittles, hard candy, etc. We got exactly 0 pieces of the crappy peanut butter taffy this year! YAY! This year I'm only keeping the candy around for a day, then I'm either throwing it out or sending it (hard candy) to troops in Iraq. The little people had fun playing with their cousin and his dog. Bro-in-law just got wood floors put in his house so it was incredibly LOUD with three kids under 5 running through the house. We grown ups at copious amounts of the 'good' candy while watching Two Towers. About 11:15 pm I told hubby it was time to get the little people off to bed and we left. On our arrival home we discovered that our Sad pumpkin had been pumpkin napped! The lid was there and the Happy pumpkin was there but Sad was gone. Hubby searched the area and found Sad by the fence in front of the creek. It appears that someone had thrown Sad against the fence in a lame attempt to smash sad. Well they suck because all they managed to do was give him a serious head wound. Happy and Sad were reunited and now are safely in the house along with Cat. Fucking kids, brutalizing my pumpkin.


You can see Sad's crack through his face. This is going to require some extreme reconstructive methods.

Happy Halloween!!


I'm so excited! It's Halloween! Woohoo! I get to take the little people out! I had planned to wear this cool black velvet dress and a witch hat but it's too damn hot for the dress so I'll probably wear shorts and the hat and just take the kids out to get candy. I have my kids all dressed up even though it's 2 hours before we can even go - gotta wait on hubby and his brother and all. My girls look so damn cute! I love Halloween! The little people are watching A Nightmare Before Christmas for the 3rd time today - I do love that movie.

And now for a spooky Halloween tale... True tale... Ok... Not very spooky... But I guess it all depends on how you read it...

Penguins At The Party


About 6 years ago hubby and I were invited to a Halloween party. I wrangled the invite from my sister to a party hosted by a friend of hers. We really didn't know many people at the party except for the people that hubby knew from work. Hubby and I had several ideas for costumes and finally settled on being penguins (looking back now, that was just the lamest thing for a fat chick to go as, only worse would be going as an Orca or a pig). As with all really great pre-kid days parties the booze was flowing freely. There was a margarita machine in the garage, lots of beer and mixed drinks in the kitchen and a fridge full of jello shots. I have a severe weakness for jello shots. I used to love jello quite a bit and jello with booze was just a bonus. Someone made a colossal amount of little shots with Everclear. I had a margarita when we first got to the party but didn't really like how it tasted, I ended up sitting on the sofa talking to some people and had hubby bring me jello shots. He brought me 4. Yum. I sucked them down and kept talking a few minutes later I sent hubby for more - he brought 4 more which disappeared as quick as the first ones - hubby got 4 more. We continued this little scenario for a while - I think I sent him to the kitchen 7 or 8 times and each time he brought me 4 jello shots. We finally left the part about 11 pm and I was fine when we left - actually I was surprised that I was fine and didn't even feel tipsy. Hubby kept eyeing me dubiously though. It was about a 30 minute drive from the party to our house and part way home I started feeling drunk - let me explain... All of the sudden I felt DRUNK. I mean REALLY DRUNK. It was all of the Everclear hit my system at the same time. By the time we got home my head was spinning and hubby had to help me out of the car. Hubby had to help me out of my shoes... And my clothes... And to bed... And had to get me a bucket to throw up in, because despite my insistence that I would not throw up, he knew better. Morning came far too soon. I taught Sunday School during that time and insisted that I was fine and could teach even though I still had a buzz and a killer headache. Hubby thought I was nuts, he just waited until I threw up breakfast then called to say that I was to sick to make it. I felt horribly sick the rest of the day, and hubby was such a dear, he didn't make comments about my drunken state at all nor did he do anything to make me feel bad or guilty... He didn't need to. I was so worried that I had made an ass at the party. Monday when my ultra conservative straight laced hubby went back to work he got 4 invitations to parties with the statement of "Bring your wife". I've always wondered just exactly WHAT I did to garner so many invites?

Snow White It Is

Super Girl decided what she wanted to be for Halloween about 2 months ago. She wants to be Snow White. I dislike Snow White so I hoped she would forget it. I tried to sell her on being the Disney Princess she is named after but she insisted on being Snow White. I left her alone about it for a while in the mistaken belief that she would forget about Snow White and I could make the little people matching princess dresses. No. Tonight I was chatting with hubby about what to do - should I get out the fabric and pattern and whip out a dress tonight or go get the blasted Snow White costume for her. Hubby said I should spend the $19.95 for the costumes for the little people. *sigh* Snow White it is. I know it's the best thing really as I would feel horribly guilty for making her wear a costume she didn't want to wear - like I always had to do growing up - and hubby, well he's been having flash backs to when he was little his mom made him wear a bunny costume one year and he has never fully recovered from that horrific experience. I'll be a good mom and let her wear the crappy store bought costume instead of an absolute master piece made by me (yes I could make a fabulous costume for her tonight).

Crack Whore Pussy

My cat has a problem. She's an addict and I suspect that she's like most addicts and would do just about anything to get a fix, even whore herself out. I know, your asking just what my cat is jonesing for, it's Pounce. Yesterday when I went to WalMart I purchased a little bag of Kitty Crack - Pounce , little did I know the powerful addictive powers of Kitty Crack!

When we got home I gave Sunshine some treats. She was all over the Kitty Crack - even willing to turn tricks! I made her stand on a chair. She wanted her crack so much she was grabbing my hand for it! She would even lick my fingers after she got the treat - even bite them! My cat is an addict!!!!


Sunshine, Kitty Crack Whore
I'm going to need to find a rehab program for my cat.

Saying Stupid Things

Being a parent affords me the grand luxury of saying completely moronic things with utter and complete impunity. Today's gem - "Don't just stand there sticking that duck in your mouth."

Loud Shit

Monday night I went to bed at my usual time, midnight... Well I intended to go to bed at midnight but while I was getting ready for bed I heard my neighbor turn on her stereo. She was playing her music loud enough that I could tell that it was country music and what song was playing. Oh great. So I figure I'll do some much needed waxing for a bit, surely they won't be listening at this deafening level for long. As I stood in the bathroom smearing myself with hot wax I listened as my neighbors talked.. No shouted to each other over the music, then the music changed from country which I can live with to obnoxious heavy metal then abruptly to even more obnoxious rap music, someone else arrived at their apartment and talked equally loudly and then thankfully the music ended and I think they all left. Only a bit over an hour past when they started playing their music so loud. Great... I had to get up at 6 am on Tuesday so I was really appreciative of the music. I wish I could figure when they sleep so I could serenade them with music.

Strange Happenings

So out of the clear blue my ceiling fan in my living room breaks. I hear a odd noise and turn to see the fan slowing down, then it makes a couple more noises accompanied by some flashes of electrical activity near the motor of the fan and the damn thing just stops - I of course turned off the fan at the wall then. I blame hubby for this (part of the marriage contract) as he changed the light bulb in the light part of the fan last night. I don't know if the light still works, but I'm not willing to find out right now either... I'm hesitant to turn the fan on again - not anxious for any more electrical light shows. *sigh* so tomorrow I'll put in a work order at the office.

Revenge On Goldilocks

So yesterday I get home from work and what do I find? 3 bears in my bed napping! Well really one pappa bear and two baby bears. Hubby and the girls decided that since I have the nicest (ang biggest) bed in the house they would all take their naps in MY bed. After a quick lunch and peep at my e-mail I joined them for a restless nap until I finally had enough and kicked them ALL out of my bed so I could nap. Sheesh - THIS is why I sleep alone! I want to SLEEP!

MOVIE REVIEW
Gangs Of New York


This is a REALLY LONG movie - but a DAMN good movie. It's violent and very bloody and I doubt it's historically accurate in other than a wide sweeping way not in a specific incident way. I'm not going to explain exactly what the movie is about, (go here if you want that) except to say that what I thought the movie was about wasn't really what it was about and I didn't really figure out the BIG PICTURE until the VERY end of the movie and I sat there going "Ohhhhhhhhhh.... that's what that was about..." That said, I never at any time had the "What the hell is this movie about?" feeling. We rented this movie a couple of weeks ago and just NOW got around to watching it. I wish I had watched it sooner because I really did enjoy the movie.

The actors: Daniel Day Lewis - I love just about everything this man has ever done. I'm constantly in awe of how he changes from role to role. Leonardo DiCaprio is in this movie as well - I'm not a big DiCaprio fan at all, I generally avoid seeing movies that he is in, although my nephew drug me to see Catch Me If You Can last year and I enjoyed that, I didn't feel that DiCaprio was an exception actor but he worked in the movie. Anyway, he was exceptional in the movie, I was quite surprised. The cast of supporting characters were fabulous also - very believable. I loved the costumes and scenery. My only kvetch - Cameron Diaz was somewhat miss cast. She's lovely and all but not a really strong actress, I got the impression that she was cast for her pretty face rather than her acting ability - luckily she didn't really distract from the complex story. Oh yeah one other thing, Liam Neeson was only in a VERY small part of the movie!

It's a movie well worth seeing if you can handle the violence and blood.

A Picture I Worth 1000 Words

I love my job, really I do. I have never had a job that gave me such immense opportunities to meet so many people from so many different back grounds. I’ve mentioned before how sometimes people will make an indelible impression on me, most recently that was Hope. Yesterday it was a woman I’ll call Star because that fits her bright and shining personality.

Celestial Being

Yesterday morning I walked into the room of a woman who had a last name so long and unpronounceable it makes me feel ignorant knowing that even if I saw it again I’d never recognize it or be able to say it. She sat in her bed feeding her baby as I asked her if she was interested in getting hospital photos of her new son. She looked up at me as she asked me questions and I saw how beautiful she was, perfect olive skin with big dark eyes and a radiant smile. Her dark wavy hair was pulled back. Star is the embodiment of the phrase ‘Exotic Beauty’. She spoke slowly and had an accent I had trouble placing. I returned with my camera when she had finished feeding her son and we chatted as I took her information and dressed the baby. This was her third child, first son. She and her husband hadn’t decided on a name for him yet. She wasn’t sure if there was an outfit for the baby and was delighted when a quick peek into the closet revealed the brand new outfit. As I positioned the baby for photos I asked her where she was from, she said Northern Iraq, that she was Curdish. I had to turn to look at her and she repeated herself as I’m sure I had an extremely ignorant look on my face. I asked her how long she’s been here, 10 years. She said her family is still in Iraq and she doesn’t know how they are. She briefly mentioned how hard it was in Iraq for her and her family, how they fled Iraq because the Curdish people were hated, how they walked to Turkey, how Turkey didn’t want them because they were Curdish and from Iraq and how it was terribly difficult to get to the US. Star spoke of her sister who had journeyed to the US with her but for some reason went back to Iraq. She told of how she left because of the racial hatred and war in Iraq and how the war had lasted so very long and how she would not go back. Star worried about her sister and her family in Iraq, that she didn’t know how they are right now because there are no phone lines, but she was glad things were changing. I wanted to ask her a million more questions most of them probably politically incorrect, but I wanted to know more about her and how she got here. I wanted her to keep talking so I could memorize her lovely voice. I wanted to touch her beautiful face just to see if she was real, maybe some of her beauty would rub off on me. I didn’t, it was time for me to go. Star thanked me profusely for taking the time to explain to her how she could order later, I thanked her for our conversation and congratulated her for her new baby. And it was over, it all took maybe 20 minutes, but I learned so much, she’s the first Iraqi that I’ve met and the first Curd also.

here I am up to early with an acidy stomach... this is what I'm passing time with now...





Hmmm.. I'm not sure if it makes me feel better or worse about this site!

(moments later)

The things I do as I sit in the wee hours of the morning waiting for the raging inferno within my gut to subside enough to grant me a couple more hours of blessed sleep.

I guess I should be disturbed, I checked all the other blogs I read to see if anyone had a more EVIL blog than mine and NO ONE DID. Sasoozie has a blog that is just as middle of the road EVIL as mind but no one else has a blog that is more EVIL. Bah! Curses! Curses on you all! - except Sasoozie.

List

I really should be in bed - I have to be up in about 4 and a half hours to have a garage sale! YIKES! I've been sorting and marking since 8:30 pm!

Anyway - since hubby seems to be at a loss for pressie ideas I thought I would do him a favor and make a list so that when the holidays arrive he won't be panicking at the last moment standing in the Exxon trying to decide if I'd rather have a lighter with a woman that strips when warmed or a decorative hillbilly cowboy with a bovine standing on the state of Texas shot glass.

And now in no particular order, here is the list (and by no means is this to imply that this is an exclusive list of things that I want nor a complete list - I do like to be some what surprised from time to time).

Suggestions of Gift Items For Judy

Sandman: Endless Nights by Neil Gaimen
Wolves In The Wall by Neil Gaimen
A night in a cheap motel with Neil Gaimen
Another night in a cheap motel with Neil Gaimen (kind of like a sequel if you will)
Shiny Things (i.e. Jewelry – charms are good)
Gift Certificate to place to buy sleazy undies
Gift Certificate to place to buy sleazy toys
Gift Certificate to place to get sleazy men
The ‘Perfect’ Red Shoes (I know… this one is just a myth)
Viking Princess Barbie
Holiday Barbie
Birthstone Barbie
Wonder Woman Barbie
Just about collectibleable Barbie
Gift Certificate to get a manicure and pedicure
Gift Certificate to get a massage
Gift Certificate to get massager... oh wait that's covered in the sleazy toys request
Art supplies
Sting’s latest CD
Sting
Pretty stationary
Hot hunky (literary) man to date
Gift Certificate to half price books
3 or 4 hours a week just to myself
Maid service
Gigolo Service