Friday, February 20, 2004

Book Quiz

How odd...




You're Alice's Adventures in Wonderland!

by Lewis Carroll

After stumbling down the wrong turn in life, you've had your mind
opened to a number of strange and curious things. As life grows curiouser and curiouser,
you have to ask yourself what's real and what's the picture of illusion. Little is coming
to your aid in discerning fantasy from fact, but the line between them is so blurry that
it's starting not to matter. Be careful around rabbit holes and those who smile to much,
and just avoid hat shops altogether.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.



I've never read the book completly... maybe I will have to do that.. right after the Mad Hatters Tea party.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Candle Light Vigil To Be Held

The fish in the aquarium have organized a candle light vigil for the missing fish, Ran. They want me to invite all of you to light a candle for Ran tonight at 6 pm central time.

The investigation into her disappearance continues although there are very few leads. All of the fish in the tank have been questioned - all they can remember is that it was dark and then when it was light she was gone. Not much help. I've questioned two suspects that occasionally loiter near the tank but they are tight lipped about saying anything and continue to proclaim their innocents. Cats are like that though. As we go into the 4th day of Ran's disappearance there is little hope of finding her alive (actually no hope what so ever - that whole not being able to breath air sucks for her). It may take much therapy to for the fish to accept that she is gone. Right now the mood in the tank is dark yet hopeful. The tank wide searches continue even now.
Three Kids And An Easy Bake Oven



This is what my morning is consisting of. Totally fun!

Yesterday I broke out the Easy Bake Oven for Super Girl. I looked up recipes on the internet and we made a quesadilla for my sister and two tiny chocolate cakes. Much to my surprise the cakes tasted rather good.

Last night Hubby's brother called asking if I would mind watching their son for the morning. I never mind that a bit. He's a doll and the little people LOVE him so much.

So the agenda was to let them play for a while and when they got really restless to break out the Easy Bake recipes. Total success. We just finished with our Easy Bake snacks (melted cheese and beef sandwiches cut to fit Easy Bake pans) and we are currently waiting for the cakes to finish baking so they can frost them. The little people plus one just headed up the stairs to play during the down time. They'll be back when it's time to frost the cakes.

Damn I love that Easy Bake Oven.
Absence Will Make The Heart Grow Fonder

Or you'll just fucking forget about that person...

Anyway, I'm going to be super busy working on costume things for my sister's Scarby stuff. If I don't update daily, don't loose heart - I will be back!

I'll post photos of the fabulous costumes when I'm done.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Hot Pussy

My idiot cat is in heat. Hubby just said "Uh-oh, your cat's in heat again." To which Super Girl looks at the cat who is rolling around on the floor and while pretending to be the cat says in a very breathy way "I'm so hot. I'm a kitten." Hubby and I just about fell on the floor laughing.

Monday, February 16, 2004

Ghost Fish

It seems to be the time of the year for me to have issues with my beloved pets (even stuffed ones like Dairy). Today I realized that my white goldfish is missing! Fucking vanished! I'm not sure when it happened but I think it coinsided with the other night that I got up at 3 am to the little people messing with my aquarium - all of the plastic plants were up rooted, the cave was over turned and Super Girl had a cup on the aquarium. Since it was so early in the morning, I didn't check the tank, just scolded children and sent them back to bed. Yesterday I didn't even think to check and today I was doing my usual fish count when I realized that Ran (the white fish) was gone. I don't know where she could be. She left no note, hasn't called and cussed me out for being a bad owner, hell we hadn't even argued! Why would she leave??? Seriously.. I'm baffled as to where she is. I would expect to be smelling dead fish if it were on the floor (or worse in my couch!). I'm hoping that if she did end up being flung from the aquarium by a little person that she was gobbled up by my cat - purely because I just don't want to find rotting dead fish on my carpet. ewww...

Damn... I need a new fish! And of course it couldn't be one of my $.28 common goldfish, it had to be my $5 white oranda! Damn!
Snow Much Fun

Although I hate snow, I did venture out to make a snow girl.



Dirty desperado Brought To Justice!
Daring Rescue of Dairy!

I received numerous (2) helpful e-mail offering support in the finding of Dairy, my beloved cow. One read Check the local dump yards (trash cans or laundry baskets). and the other read Der shurifff,
I jes bet chew all kud fin them katle if you offered a big reeeeward....Like ice cream...cookies......
Hope yu kech them thar desparedos..
Waiting with baited {coffee} bref
heh, who says old people have no sense of humor?

Anyway, I did in fact check the local dump yards to no avail. Several sessions of questioning were completely unsuccessful in determining the whereabouts of Dairy. Negotiations broke down shortly after lunch time and the suspects were taken to holding cells (well it was nap time, they were taken to their beds). I made a desperate and daring search and rescue mission into 'No Man's Land' (the little people's room) and discovered Dairy, scared but otherwise unharmed.

Dairy is now safely back with her herd. The Cattle Rustlers continue to maintain their innocents despite the overwhelming evidence against them.


Dairy, safe at last.

Saturday, February 14, 2004

Valentine's Day Tidbits

15% of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day.

73% of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, while only 27 percent are women.

About 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are exchanged each year. That's the largest seasonal card-sending occasion of the year, next to Christmas.

About 3% of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets.

Alexander Graham Bell applied for his patent on the telephone, an "Improvement in Telegraphy", on Valentine's Day, 1876.

California produces 60 percent of American roses, but the vast number sold on Valentine's Day in the United States are imported, mostly from South America. Approximately 110 million roses, the majority red, will be sold and delivered within a three-day time period.

Cupid, another symbol of Valentines Day, became associated with it because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. Cupid often appears on Valentine cards holding a bow and arrows because he is believed to use magical arrows to inspire feelings of love.

During the late 1800s, postage rates around the world dropped, and the obscene St. Valentine's Day card became popular, despite the Victorian era being otherwise very prudish. As the numbers of racy valentines grew, several countries banned the practice of exchanging Valentine's Days cards. During this period, Chicago's post office rejected more than 25,000 cards on the grounds that they were so indecent, they were not fit to be carried through the U.S. mail.

During the Middle Ages, the belief that birds chose their mates on St. Valentine's Day led to the idea that boys and girls would do the same. Up through the early 1900s, the Ozark hill people in the eastern United States thought that birds and rabbits started mating on February 14, a day for them which was not only Valentine's Day but Groundhog Day as well.

February 14, 270 A.D. : Roman Emperor Claudius II, dubbed "Claudius the Cruel," beheaded a priest named Valentine for performing marriage ceremonies. Claudius II had outlawed marriages when Roman men began refusing to go to war in order to stay with their wives.

Hallmark has over 1330 different cards specifically for Valentine's Day.

Humorous valentines of the 19th century were called "Vinegar Valentines" or "Penny Dreadfuls." Vinegar Valentines were introduced in 1858 by John McLaughin, a Scotsman with a New York City Publishing Business. Penny Dreadfuls with comic designs drawn in 1870 by American cartoonists Charles Howard became known as Penny Dreadfuls.

In 1929 in Chicago, gunmen in the suspected employment of organized-crime boss Al Capone murder seven members of the George "Bugs" Moran North Siders gang in a garage on North Clark Street. The so-called St. Valentine's Day Massacre stirred a media storm centered on Capone and his illegal Prohibition-era activities and motivated federal authorities to redouble their efforts to find evidence incriminating enough to take him off the streets.

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

In the United States, 64 percent of men do not make plans in advance for a romantic Valentine's Day with their sweethearts.

In Victorian times it was considered bad luck to sign a Valentine's Day card.

In Wales, wooden love spoons were carved and given as gifts on February 14th. Hearts, keys and keyholes were favorite decorations on the spoons. The decoration meant, "You unlock my heart!"

It wasn't until 1537 that St. Valentine's Day was declared an official holiday. England's King Henry VIII declared February 14th a holiday.

On February 14, 1779, Captain James Cook, the great English explorer and navigator, was murdered by natives of Hawaii during his third visit to the Pacific island group.

One single perfect red rose framed with baby's breath is referred to by some florists as a "signature rose," and is the preferred choice for many for giving on Valentine's Day, anniversary, or birthday.

Only the U.S., Canada, Mexico, France, Australia and the U.K. celebrate Valentine's Day.

Sir Alexander Fleming was a young bacteriologist when an accidental discovery led to one of the great developments of modern medicine. Having left a plate of staphylococcus bacteria uncovered, Fleming noticed that a mold that had fallen on the culture had killed many of the bacteria. He identified the mold as penicillium notatum, similar to the kind found on bread. On February 14, 1929, Fleming introduced his mold by-product called penicillin to cure bacterial infections.

Some people used to believe that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a millionaire.

Teachers will receive the most Valentine's Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then, sweethearts. Children ages 6 to 10 exchange more than 650 million Valentine's cards with teachers, classmates, and family members.

The "I Love You" computer virus was detected in Hong Kong on May 1, 2000. In four days the virus had mutated into three different generations. Figures by Trend Micro Inc. showed that "I Love You" had infected 3.1 million computers worldwide.

The 17th century a hopeful maiden ate a hard-boiled egg and pinned five bay leaves to her pillow before going to sleep on Valentine's eve. It was believed this would make her dream of her future husband.

The ancient Romans celebrated the Feast of Lupercalia in honor of Juno, the queen of the Roman gods and goddesses on February 14. Juno was also the goddess of women and marriage.

The Empire State Building in New York City played a prominent role in the movie Sleepless in Seattle. This year 15 couples will take (or renew) their vows on the 80th floor of this famous landmark.

The first American publisher of valentines was printer and artist Esther Howland. During the 1870s, her elaborate lace cards were purchased by the wealthy, as they cost a minimum of 5 dollars - some sold for as much as 35 dollars. Mass production eventually brought prices down, and the affordable "penny valentine" became popular with the lower classes.

The first photograph of a U.S. President was taken on February 14, 1849 by Matthew Brady in New York City. President James Polk was the subject of the famous picture. .

The first televised tour of the White House aired on February 14 in 1962. First Lady Jackie Kennedy hosted the tour.

The Italian city of Verona, where Shakespeare's lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet every Valentine's Day.

The Kama Sutra is believed to be the oldest sex manual in existence. Generally considered the standard work on love in Sanskrit literature, the book is thought to have been written around 300 A.D.

The most fantastic gift of love is the Taj Mahal in India. It was built by Mughal Emperor Shahjahan as a memorial to his wife, who died in childbirth. Work on the Taj began in 1634 and continued for almost 22 years. required the labor of 20,000 workers from all over India and Central Asia.

The oldest known Valentines were sent in 1415 A.D. by the Duke of Orleans to his French wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. It is still on display in a museum in England.

The oldest surviving love poem is written in a clay tablet from the times of the Sumerians, inventors of writing, around 3500 B.C. It was unromantically named Istanbul #2461 by the archeologists who unearthed it.

The red rose was the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman goddess of love. Red stands for strong feelings which is why a red rose is a flower of love.

Valentine's Day is big business. Consumers will spend an average of $77.43 on Valentine's Day gifts this year. E-commerce retailers expect to rack up about $650 million in sales of food, candy, flowers, and other Valentine's Day gifts. Of that amount about $350 million will be for gifts and flowers and another $45 million will be spent on food (including chocolate) and wine.

Wearing a wedding ring on the fourth finger of the left hand dates back to ancient Egypt, where it was believed that the vein of love ran from this finger directly to the heart.

In England, the Romans, who had taken over the country, had introduced a pagan fertility festival held every February 14. After the Romans left England, nearly a century later, the pagan ritual was abolished by Pope Gelsius who established St. Valentine's Day as a celebration of love in 496 A.D.

In America, the pilgrims sent confections, such as sugar wafers, marzipan, sweetmeats and sugar plums, to their betrothed. Great value was placed on these gifts because they included what was then a rare commodity, sugar. After the late 1800's, beet sugar became widely used and more available, and sweet gifts continued to be valued and enjoyed.

Chocolate manufacturers currently use 40 percent of the world's almonds and 20 percent of the world's peanuts.
What The Hell Is This?



I need the help of my northern readers. The above picture is what I discovered outside my door this morning. I'd like anyone who can identify this to please let me know what this is and what we are supposed to do with it. Also if anyone knows who I might contact to have it removed, that would also be helpful as it is cold and wet and keeping me from heading into work. Currently there is a couple of inches of this atrocity covering the area, so I would appreciate an immediate response, I don't believe this belongs in Dallas.

Thank you,
Judy

Friday, February 13, 2004

A Little Something To Make Your Skin Crawl

Read this.

Ewwwww....
Mini Cattle Rustlers On the Loose



It has come to my attention that a certain very valuable heifer from my herd has been rustled (is that a word?). I have the suspected cattle thieves in hand but they refused to divulge the whereabouts of Dairy. Attached are photos of Dairy's twin, Soy Milk. Dairy is a small squishy black and white - suspected Holstein but not for sure, can't remember if she still has an ear tag, probably not, she's about 9 years old and a bit faded on her ribbon.

The local sheriff (me) has the rustlers (my tiny terrorists) on a monitored and forced search of the grasslands (living room) and plains (their bedroom). The negotiations are not going well as the rustlers are insistent that they didn't take the cow and that they can't remember where the cow is. The stories keep changing just like the winds. Not to worry, the local sheriff will get her cow and the rustlers will be brought to justice (forced to clean the living room). Back to the search and rescue mission for now.

I hope the attached photos will help you identify Dairy if you happen to see her. Please return her to the local sheriff (me).

Thursday, February 12, 2004

More WalMart Experience

The other night I went to WalMart with D. We pulled into the parking lot and turned to park on the side lot. A person in an SUV was in front of me when I turned, he was waiting for someone to pull out. I waited for a few minutes, then the SUV apparently got tired of waiting and pulled forward about 3 car lengths and I started to pull forward, all of a sudden the guy in the SUV starts pulling back fast! I step on the brake and watch until this guy is about a car length ahead of me and I start beeping my horn. He stops (but not right away) and after 30 or so seconds he starts backing up quickly again! I hit the horn again - this time I'm just holding down the horn as I'm sure this stupid mutha-fucka driving must have forgoten someone was behind him and I didn't want to get hit. He stops about half a foot from my car and turns on his blinker! He then zips into the parking space he has been so jealously guarding. I'm pissed now. I get all crazy when people come close to hitting my car. I pull behind where this ass parked and start rolling down my window - D starts saying something about bad karma and I shouldn't - which makes me hesitate... for a few seconds. They get out of their car and I start rolling the window down again, D is trying to talk sense to me now and she's almost got it when the man get's out and starts getting smart with me. I park and get out as D is still trying to get her seat belt off. I'm there asking this idiot what the fuck is wrong with him? Why he came so fucking close to hitting my car? He's telling me to fuck off. The really beauty of this is that his wife is VERY pregnant and he's holding a toddler maybe a 16 months old in his arms. So he's driving like a maniac and he's got a pregnant wife and baby in the car. WTF? He starts telling me it doesn't fucking matter because he didn't fucking hit my car and I say yes it fucking does because he was driving like a fucking idiot in the fucking WalMart parking lot and asked if he was fucking stupid. His wife (also a fucking moron just by virtue of being married to his man) says "We are better than that" as in, not going to stoop to my level of obsenity (I guess she has hearing problems as well as being stupid because her idiot husband was already at my level of obsenity). I say "No your fucking not. Stupid mutha-fucka driving like that in a parking lot." D makes a comment that pissed dumb wife off, stupid ass acts like he's going to hit me - and he's saying this WHILE he has his TODDLER in his arms! I tell him to bring it on, he doesn't and we went in to the store.

What a fucking moron. Stupid people should NOT breed.
Just Because Valentine's Day Happens
Evil Love Poems

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss.
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.


I thought that I could love no other.
Until, that is, I met your brother.


Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.


Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.


Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not.


I want to feel your sweet embrace.
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.


I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!


My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.


I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.


My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?


My feelings for you no words can tell.
Except for maybe "go to hell".


What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Monday, February 09, 2004

My Map



create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

Hmmm... I haven't been to many places. I need to travel more.
Brain Pain

Ugh. I hate this overcast weather. I have a crappy sinus headache. The little people are BOTH sick. Nasty colds. Ick. I have a date tonight. I need this headache to go.

Men

Sheesh... the man score card is ever changing.

Mark off Dr. J - he's an ass, just been kicked to the curb.
Mr. Body is moving up in the ranks - he's planning a trip to see me
Roller Coaster man is still on the card - top position
Add in Long Haired man - he'll never be in the relationship area, but he's a lot of fun
Scotsman and Navy man are both still there also - same place
An Old Flame keeps popping up every time I think the fire is out...
eh that's it, the other men aren't worth mentioning yet.
The guy I'm going out with tonight will get a nickname soon I'm sure.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Growing Up

Super Girl - who turns 5 this Friday - lost her first tooth this morning. And she promptly lost it in her messy messy room. *sigh.*

I can't believe she's already 5.
A Fate Worse Than Death

As if you don't end up wasting enough time in WalMart, they had to make the Super WalMart so you can waste even MORE time. I hate shopping at the Super WalMart and for some unknown reason I was struck with insanity and offered to pick up some things on my way home. What the hell was I thinking? I mean I'm always tired after rushing around the hospital all day, why did I offer to go to WalMart and Super WalMart at that.

Well I did think that going to the Super WalMart would save me time - hahahahahahahahaha. I wandered around in circles looking for things before finally asking someone who worked there where several items were - I wrote down where each thing was so I could find it. It was sad. I just could not find shit in that store it is so fucking big. I ended up needing one other thing in the store after I had gotten the other things, another 30 minutes of looking and I had to ask someone - the SAME freaking person! I think he was the only person working in the store, either that or his twin brother works there also. I needed to get some more thigh high stockings (I've been dating a lot lately, I need some new sexy things for dates) but by this time the Super WalMart had sucked the will to live from me and I just wanted to get out of there.

Then it was time to go stand in line, yay. They have the new self check lines in this Super WalMart. This is an ok idea, except the people in front of me were to fucking stupid to be checking their own groceries. Both had to have a manager person help them - the woman right in front of me kept putting things directly in her basket instead of in the bag which is on a platform that weighs everything so it was giving her errors. Somehow I managed to get my stuff scanned and paid for with out the help of a manager. I think they should have a sign in front of the line saying You Must Be This Smart To Use This... Some people are just to stupid even for WalMart.

Friday, February 06, 2004

Daddy Daughter Dance

Tonight is the first Daddy Daughter dance for hubby and Super Girl. She's so excited and nervous. Hubby is also. It's incredibly cute. I can't wait to get her all dressed up and ready to go.

Out And About

D and I went out with one of her friends last night. Wanna see the pics? Look below. I was having such a great cleavage night!



Yes, yes, the guy was removed from the picture, but hey, this blog is all about me isn't it? ;o) I looked good.