Hands Off Me Booty!


My latest creation! It'll be auctioned off tonight at Ben's Half Yard (all proceeds from the auction and fund raiser to go for hurricane disaster relief).

Brought To You By The Number 4

Ahhh, to be 4 again and spend the day wearing a Snow White dress up outfit and pink beaded socks while insisting to be Cinderella and demanding PB&J for lunch because tuna sandwiches are 'dis-custing' and being endlessly amused because the maternal unit will 'do the puppet' on request. If I were to spend my day like that, someone would have me locked up, isn't it funny the similarities between toddlers/preschoolers and the mentally insane?

Later...

My delightful child was just putting grapes in a SOCK! I just wonder if I should put her in a preschool program or buy a straight jacket...

It's A Family Tradition!

Everyone needs to read this article on Barbara Bush's visit to the Astrodome and her comments about the refugees. It's good to know where the President get's his views on things.

Growing Pains

Yesterday was one of those days that tries a person as a parent. I got a call from school that Super Girl was sick and I needed to come get her. Now Super Girl is an incredibly healthy kid who rarely get's sick (I don't count the seasonal colds that are just part of life and childhood). The school nurse told me she had a fever and complained of stomach pain so I thought I was prepared for it, but when I saw my little girl laying on the cot in the nurses office looking so pale I nearly cried. She spent the day laying on the couch sleeping and I spent the day looking worried and checking her fever that wouldn't go down but didn't get any higher. I'm happy to say that by 9 pm her fever was gone and she was well enough to eat noodles for dinner and watch the Sponge Bob Movie.

Insanity Of My Morning

This is how my morning has been... My neurotic cat woke me before my alarm, which is probably good because I needed to be up about 15 minutes prior to the time my alarm is set to go off (right when the cat started licking my hand - psychic kitty?), had breakfast with the Alpha Offspring and doing the morning thing. Upon returning from depositing her on the transport to publicly funded educational opportunities (bus to school), I discovered the Omega Offspring on the sofa watching Justice League Unlimited cartoons (for the 500th time) and requesting breakfast. After providing her with a nutritional and delicious breakfast (cereal and milk) it was requested of me to "Do the puppet!" So I spent 30 minutes negotiating with a pink stuffed puppy with iridescence eyes via a sock puppet. Afterwhich I attempted to drink my coffee and surf the internet for news while still wearing the sock puppet as demanded by my Tiny Terrorist. Not such a good idea... The puppet needs a trip to the washing machine as well as my dress and I need another cup of coffee... But don't I always need another cup of coffee??? Starbucks is my place of worship! Sometimes I wonder if being addicted to meth would be cheaper...I'm sure it's not as tasty though.

ANYWAY... On to other insanity around.

Arnie is going to veto a bill to make gay marriage legal. I love his reason for the veto "out of respect for the people"... I'm sure he meant to clarify people by saying "the ultra conservative rightwing Christian fag bashing" before people. Sell out - I love this line in the article "Despite his promise to veto the bill, Schwarzenegger still believes "gay couples are entitled to full protection under the law and should not be discriminated against based upon their relationship," Thompson's statement said. "He is proud that California provides the most rigorous protections in the nation for domestic partners."" Yeah, right. Proud they helped get him office but not proud enough to give them the same rights as everyone else. Yeah thanks Gov. for being proud of the gay/lesbian public but how about showing them some RESPECT.

Other stuff... Apparently Victoria Beckham - once known as Posh Spice has admitted in an interview that she has NEVER read a BOOK. Why is this so NOT surprising to me? And so un-newsworthy!

In other gossip, it seems that since Eva Longoria has discussed her love of vibrators she's received many, many from fans and admirers. Now I'm jealous! Her boss's at ABC have asked her to stop talking about vibrators - how uptight is that! Ya know, a real fan would have sent her a few cases of researchable batteries!

Okay, I think the caffeine has finally kicked in and I need to go wash a puppet and clean house!

Good News!

I finally got a phone call from my brother yesterday, he's in Tennesee now. Somehow they got shuffled all over the US and ended up right where they had been planning to go anyway (my brother and his wife had plan at the beginning of Sept. to move from New Orleans to Tennesee to be closer to her family). I'm glad he's safe and it was very hard to hear my brother tell me that he was okay, they where where they needed to be and that they had lost everything, but he was thankful to be alive. I'm collecting a box of things for him and his wife right now and will send them along as soon as I have an adress for them. Robert (my brother) said that through it all he had yet to talk to anyone from FEMA even though he had tried several times to reach someone. *sigh* At least he's safe!

More good news - I spoke to a hot and sexy man I know who made sure I was aware that he no longer has a girlfriend. YEAH! I see a road trip for a booty call on the horizon!

Not So Good Things...

I spoke with my father shortly before my brother called and he was very stressed and emotional from not hearing from my brother, and that worries me because he has heart issues. *sigh* Daddy called back after Robert called him and he was quite relieved, but that didn't last long, the happiness I mean. Every phone call with my father is a negotiation in GUILT and this was no different. I got my fill of guilt for the year.

K is still looking for a job. This is quite frustrating.

Other Things

Sunday I took the Tiny Terrorists with me to go tubing in Glenrose. They whined quite a bit and at one point Super Girl said to me "Is this ALL we do???" to which I replied "Yes, yes, this is ALL we do. You WANTED to come on this trip remember?" In the end they said they had a great time and spend quite a bit of time telling their father about the trip and the fishes and how much fun they had. It was a lot of fun, and that's saying a lot as I had a freaking migraine that was making me sick to my stomach.

The next day was a BBQ at Lerxt's and that was nice. The food rocked. The company was fabulous. I really do have the best friends in the whole freaking world!

Okay, that's all for now, I have much work to do around here.

WWJW?


Well that should answer that question, Taco Bell! He'd work at Taco Bell serving up Nacho Bell Grande's with a side of salvation. I just got the Cheesy Crunch Gordita which was quite nice and passed on the dogma.

Much Grief and Relief

I watch the images of New Orleans with much distress and also relief. I'm relieved that my brother is not in New Orleans, but my heart is still very heavy seeing the destruction of the city I spent my early childhood in. The city both of my siblings were born in, the city my sister and I share fond memories of holding hands and singing as we walked to the store. The city my sister can still remember every address of every place we ever lived there. The one and only city that all of my family lived in at one time. I'm so sad to see it like this. My heart aches for all of the displaced residents.

If you can do something for the victims, please do.

The Red Cross
The Salvation Army


Volunteer your time if you can't give money, donate things if you can't do that.

Things I Just Don't Understand

Getting into my car and hearing talk radio blaring on the radio as loud as I listen to my Janis Joplin CD (which is pretty fucking loud). Talk radio for the love of dog! I HATE talk radio. K on the other hand LOVES talk radio. What-the-fuck??? Maybe it's because I'm a victim of ADD and I get bored eaisly (hell I almost burned a bag of microwave popcorn tonight because I fucking FORGOT about it cooking before the 3 and half minutes it took to cook!), but I don't GET talk radio. How the hell can people actually get PAID to just ramble on about pointless (to me) shit? And how the hell can I get a job like that? I mean I CAN RAMBLE, oh yes I can. (K is torturing me right now by listening to this jacked up shit at the moment)

I don't get this either, why would you call me to fuck with me about how nice the weather is where you are when you fucking KNOW it sucks here? Our conversation:

BitchCallingFromTemperateArea: Guess what the temperature was here today?
ME: uh, I dunno, tell me (ie. go ahead make me want to kill you)
BitchCallingFromTemperateArea: 70, we walked on the beach today.
ME: Fuck you. It was 90-something here. I sweat.
BitchCallingFromTemperateArea: 'Schnookums' sweat walking up a hill today.
ME: (starting on her voodoo doll) I sweat when I stepped out the door today. Thinking made me sweat. Fuck you and 'Schnookums' and your 70 degree weather.

Sheesh... 70... Why you gotta be doin' me like dat?

Another thing... I'm wondering if ADD is contagious. Today while I was helping Super Girl with her homework (I'll get to that in a moment), K dished up some ice cream for all of us. As I was busy with Super Girl in a choke hold trying to get her to DO her homework, I motioned to him that it was an inappropriate time for us to eat ice cream. He and Cabbage Patch enjoyed theirs as Super Girl and I did 'homework'. After the afore mentioned 'homework' session, I went into the kitchen to get some ice cream and found two bowls of brown liquid sitting on the counter. ON THE COUNTER. WTF? Grrr...

And finally... Since WHEN should it take 2 hours to do 1st grade home work and how the hell come it's so damn much work for ME???

'...Christ killing Christians...' I just heard that phrase on the damn talk radio that K is torturing me with and damn I think THAT just made the torture WORTH it!

Okay, I'm off to drink NyQuil and hallucinate.

SAFE!

I finally got word that my brother and his wife are SAFE in Baton Rouge, La. I'm so relieved.

I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won't Do That!

The Little People are the most precious people in the world to me and I'd do just about anything for them, hell I'd even give them most of my internal organs just for the asking, but I have to draw the line somewhere. And that place has to be my BED! There is nothing I hate more than when one (or both) of the Little People decide that they need to sleep in my bed. I know, I know, I sound like a horrible mother and my nominations for "Mother of The Year" are being torn to shreds as I type this, but fuck I hate it. LUCKILY it seems to be a rare thing again, but for a few weeks there, it was EVERY DAMN NIGHT!

Let me explain why this drives me insane so very much. First, they usually decide to invade my personal space between 2 am and 4 am, when I'm quite asleep and not all that likely to haul my sleepy ass out of bed and drag them back upstairs to their room. Second, despite the fact that I have a king size bed, they insist on sleeping rightnexttome, and every inch I move away from them, they scoot next to me until I'm sleeping on 6 inches of mattress edge. Third, their freaking FATHER is UPSTAIRS!!! Why can they not knock on HIS door and wake HIM? Fourth, elbows and knees and little feet. Specifically the ones that are whacking me in the face, kicking me in the back, making it impossible for me to get a decent night's sleep!

So offspring of mine, NO MORE! Do not ask to sleep in my bed anymore. I will gladly give you a kidney that I cut from my own body using my own sewing scissors and I'd even forgive you if you said you were just kidding as I stitched up my own incision, but I refuse to give up my freaking pillow! Next time you are tired of sleeping in your own bed, you had best head into your daddy's room or make yourself comfee on the sofa. Mamma needs her sleep, sometimes coffee just isn't enough to keep me going.

Stress Builds Character, Right?

I'm quite stressed right now, but what's new really. Among all the other things I have going on, I've been worried about my brother who lives in New Orleans. I really didn't know if he got out before Katrina hit. He and his wife had plans to leave NO the beginning of September to move closer to his wifes family, but I was holding out hope that when they saw that Katrina was going to hit, that they would have left early.

I just got word that my brother left a message for my sister early this morning that just got passed along to her - it was just wto words "I'm okay" then the line went dead. She said there was a lot of noise of people yelling and screaming for their turn on the phone behind him. I'm guessing that he's at the Superdome and that in and of itself makes me worry more. I'm glad he's alive, but I really was hopeing he was out of NO. All I can do now is pray and wait for another phone call.

Other Stuff

I feel as though I'm getting over my nasty cold and that's almost disapointing as that means I'll have to give up my beloved NyQuil. I'm almost actually FEELING better, but not quite as every time I get up to do something (like laundry) I suddenly get all sweaty and a little light headed. It might have something to do with the DayQuil I'm taking (which has ceased keeping me from being very very sleepy, but seems to keep me from having to blow my damned nose every 3 minutes).

Man Can Not Live On Macaroni and Cheese Alone

But a toddler can. Cabbage Patch has got to be the pickiest child. She refuses to eat anything other than Mac n' Cheese, slices of cheese, pickles and the occasional piece of chocolate.... unless she's really hungry, then I might be able to get her to eat a whole half of a pb&j sandwich. Mind you if I were to make a box of KMac, she'd eat nearly the whole damn thing. *sigh* So yeah.. I tell my kid that she needs to eat her sandwich or the monster that lives under my bed will come out and chew her toes off and she gets all wide eyed, but doesn't believe me. Then I look toward my door and say that the moster is going going to get her, and she laughs at me and says "mom, it was just a snake!" Kids.

This Post Brought To You By The 'Night time, Sniffling, Sneezing, Coughing, Aching, Stuffy Head, Fever...' Medicine, My Favorite Shot, NyQuil

Friday SUCKED. I'm not getting into it, but take my WORD for it that it SUCKED ASS.

Friday night I went out with Whysper and friends even though I was coming down with a fucking cold and was feeling AWFUL. After a dose of DayQuil (which I love nearly as much as NyQuil), I went to the club. I threw caution to the wind (as well as the health of my precious liver) and drank. Luckily due to my consumption of DayQuil prior to my arrival at the club it did not take much to get me drunk and I was wide awake. I can totally vouch that DayQuil before clubbing will make it more interesting and cheaper to get drunk. Highlights of the club: They wouldn't let me wear my super cute hat in (bastards!), I wore my light up ho shoes and they ROCKED!, small amount of booze and I was drunk, Dukes of Hazard was very cute and fun to flirt with but ultimately WAY to young, Fat Chickie plotting to kill a stupid man at the club, then Fat Chickie making peace with said man, THEN Fat Chickie almost getting into a BAR FIGHT! What fun! Well it was fun. Until my DayQuil wore off... Then it sucked. It wore off about 1 am a long with my DRUNK and we left the bar at 2 am and went to Taco Cabana for cheap Mexican food. Whysper and I left there at 3 am amid my anguished pleas to leave so I could blow my nose in private and medicate myself heavily before I had to go back to WORK.

Saturday came to damn quickly but thanks to the miracle of medical science I did manage to make it to work and was awake. I finished up work, took a nap and headed to spend the evening with Bubbles. We had a most interesting dinner of sushi, latkes and Ben & Jerry's. And drinks, of course drinks, I hadn't done enough damage to my liver so I had to have a couple of drinks. Late that evening we went to the store to get me some more cold medicine as I hadn't brought mine with me and I NEEDED it. As we checked out Bubbles grabbed my NiQuil and handed it to me saying I needed to take some now and the checker said "Oh no girl. She'll be asleep in the car if you do that." Then she proceeded to tell us how she had taken a bunch of NiQuil while she was pregnant. hehehe. Before heading back to Bubbles' place we made a detour to a sex shop and had the MOST fun walking around and discussing what is good and what isn't. I made a major purchase of a top of the line vibrating egg - 16 vibrations and 5 speeds... Oh yeah, if you don't hear from me in a few days, send someone to get me... Preferably a hot mansicle with a supply of batteries! (I bought several samples of different top of the line lubes so I'm good to go there, just send the man and the power!) No I haven't actually field tested it yet, but I'm about to head to bed and *ahem* do some research. (I'm not sure if this little beauty counts toward the MAXIMUM of 6 BOB's I'm allowed to own legally in the state of TEXAS... But if it does... Then I may be breaking the law now! Cool!)

Sunday came along too soon again. Still tired and sick. Work was short, thankfully, nap was nice when I got home. THEN it happened. K got home with the Little People. And when I saw them and that their HAIR WAS CUT I felt the veins start to bulge in my head, my eye balls were replaced with white hot flames and the skin on my head peeled back to reveal my ghasltly skull complete with horns. I was super pissed. Especially after seeing that my adorable blond curly haired baby with a fucking mullet!!! I did manage to make it look less repugnant, but I'm still super pissed that she has bangs and her hair is chin length now. Super Girl didn't fare much better as she has some shitty looking bangs and her hair tapered around her face and a shoulder length layered bob. No I'm not a happy camper about that. It's really a shame I don't take antidepressants anymore. But I'm trying to get to a HAPPY place on that, I mean after threatening many people's lives for this act of malice, I NEED a happy place. I don't have a gun after all, and I doubt Bubbles would talk Toast into bringing me a gun under the circumstances. Damn it.

OKAY, enough of my bitching, I'm off to bed for some 'research'.

Simply Fabulous!

This is a new reversible corset that was just completed.


I'm so in love with this fabric that I've considered marrying it... at the very least I'd have a long affair and share a bank account with it.


This side is lovely also, but I'm not as inclined to have a relationship with it.

One Reason I Might Need A Smack

For convincing my youngest that her eyebrows were coming off and needed to be stuck back on, then poking her in the forehead, which convinced her they were infact coming off and she had to dash off to the bathroom to check the status of her eyebrows. I'm a bad person.

Photos and Such

First, some random photos from the Ben's Half Yard gathering earlier this month.

Did someone say COCK?

Now, that's some codpiece.

Did someone say Tit...

mouse? It's a titmouse you perv!

Argh! Grabbin' me some Pirate booty!

He liked it.

Thank you very much! I'll do everything in my power to uphold the title.

Let's just hope they don't find out about those photos from my college days.

Stripped of my title already!

I guess I'll just go back to sealing hats!

I thought about posting a photo of the guy in the blue shirt who was hitting on me, but I decided not to. Go look at the rest of the photos here. I haven't added any titles to the photos yet.

Bowling For Dollars!

Cabbage Patch before the incident.

I think it took a full 3 minutes for that ball to get to the end of the lane.

Fashionable shoes!

I was truly sad to have to give them back.

Sewing Stuff

The Dress!

Absolutly fabulous!

Sable's Dress

So hot!

There are other photos on here of other sewing projects. o look! Speaking of sewing projects - I need to get back to work!

Posting Issues!

So, yeah.. I know I promised more posts and photos yesterday, and I fully intended to do that. But ya see... K got the new router up and running (so now all three computers can be online at the same time and we can im each other instead of actually talking to teach other!) and that was GREAT... except for some damn reason I could no longer get to my mail or get to Blogger! DAMN! Anyway after all day of cursing it and fiddling with it, he READ the instructions and figured out the instructions that were INCORRECT - I had access to my e-mail and blogger! Woohoo! And it was only 11:30 pm! So um.. yeah... I didn't post. But I TRIED to upload photos. And I didn't. It didn't work. Seems that the program I use (HELLO) won't work with my router for some fucked up reason, so I'll have post photos MANUALLY! Damnit. SOOOOOOO I've been uploading my photos to some albums on rensites and well that's not so simple either! Sigh. I'm challenged today. Anyway, I did manage to upload, but it's taken me for-fucking-ever so you'll just have to wait a bit longer for the photos.

I have much to tell though... the bowling party, the first day of school, the scary moment with the kid and best of all, the discovery of a religious icon.

I'll leave you to wonder for now. I'm off to the store.

Reports Of My Demise Are Greatly Exagerated!

I'm not dead people, just busy, so you can stop sending sympathy cards and flowers. Sheesh.

I'm happy to report that I did finish the DRESS and will post fabulous photos soon. Actually I'll post photos of some other projects that I've finished and haven't had a moment to post also. Not imediately, but today for sure. I've got several orders to work on. I'm excited about that!

Okay, now I will randomly respond to things:

Attention All Who Are Part Of The Anti-Pea Collition:

Peas are NOT bad! They are TASTY and a fine addition to mac 'n cheese. I do understand that they may infact actually be tiny green monster eggs, but what better way to rid the world of monster than to eat their eggs BEFORE they hatch (I mean isn't that why we eat the Jumbo Eggs? So they don't grow up to be Giant Chickens and over run the world).

I would suggest that all of you give peas a chance and stop trying to stand in the way of the peas project. I personally am working hard for peas and have joined the Peas Corps and the World Peas Project For Children (all kids should have peas!). Won't you give peas a chance and pray for peas?

Okay, I have to go for now. D gave me a lap top for my birthday and K is doing stuff to get the router working so EVERYONE can be on the computer at the same damn time. Woohoo!

Stay tuned! Photos to come! Ben's Photos! Sewing Photos! Cat Photos! (not really on the cat photos.)

Damn It! Damn It! Damn It!

I broke my sewing machine today. I've been trying to fix it but I think when I broke that last needle I truly fucked it up. Damn. I do have a back up but it's NOT working either. Double Damn!

I'm seriously having issues today. Today was the first day of school for Super Girl (she was happy), the bus was late picking her up, late dropping her off, brother called to let me know about what's going on with his suicidal wife (she's out of the psych ward and on drugs, he's worried and stressed)... Damn.

Lucky for me Whysper has kindly offered to bring me her old machine when she get's off work to finish up this project. Thank goodness for her.

Off to see what I can finish by hand and continue cursing this machine.

All We Are Saying, Is Give Peas A Chance!

Today when I took out a can of peas to add to Cabbage Patch's mac 'n cheese, I was informed that they could not be added to the food as they would make it "icky, slimy and a monster". Hmmm... I did not know that. Peas look so darn benign in their cute little can wrapped in silver paper, one would never suspect the 'icky, slimy monster' part. Nowhere on the lable is there a warning against adding them to cheesy pasta - that's a grevious oversight by the manufacturer. And now that I know, I thought it best to pass along this as a public service announcement. Stay safe, don't add peas to your mac 'n cheese!