Oedipus Complex
Today D came over. I showed her Super Girl’s class photo and D made a comment about how this one little boy looked standing next to Super Girl looked like he was mackin’ on her. This lead to a conversation of how Super Girl thought he was so weird because he thought he was her mother. D and I exchanged glances then snarky comments before Super Girl corrected herself and said “No! He thinks I’m his mother.” D and I exchanged knowing glances and smirks and I asked “Does he call you ‘mommy’ as in ‘Hey mommy, what you doing?’” My Cuban and Mexican sister had tears running from her eyes as we laughed at the realization that the Hispanic boy was in fact mackin’ on Super Girl. K on the other hand was doing the “La, la, la, la, la! I can’t hear you!” in utter denial.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
My Militant Lesbian Outfit
Yesterday K and I went to procure new swim attire for the Tiny Terrorists. That meant a trip to Ross. It also meant that I would get to peruse the racks of clothing for some new funky piece of clothing. After the selection of new swim wear for EVERYONE (even me, but that’s another story) I steered the cart over to the fat chick area and started pawing through the racks of stuff and lo and behold what did I find… the MOST PERFECT pair of pants EVER made. In my size even. A pair of camouflage Capri pants. I immediately dropped the mini skirt I had been carrying around and snatched the pants off the rack declaring to K that THESE WERE THE ONES! K immediately started to smirk and make snide comments about how all I needed was a wife-beater and some combat boots to be ready for the pride march. I cast him a disparaging glance and muttered to him to shut up, that I didn’t think they let bi-sexuals in the march anyway. I searched through the racks of shirts to find a PERFECT one to go with my fabulous new pants (oddly enough I did keep finding tank tops that would go with the pants, but I didn’t buy any – because I already have some and secondly the amazing camouflage tank just wasn’t in my size) and ignored K’s continual comments about my Militant Lesbian uniform as I selected the perfect white lacy shirt to compliment the pants. When I tried the fabulous pants on, K commented that they actually looked really good on me. I’m thinking that camouflage print makes my fat ass harder to see… Maybe I need to buy all my clothes in camo from now on. Might not actually HIDE my ass from sight but in a pinch I’ll be able to hide in the bushes.
Yesterday K and I went to procure new swim attire for the Tiny Terrorists. That meant a trip to Ross. It also meant that I would get to peruse the racks of clothing for some new funky piece of clothing. After the selection of new swim wear for EVERYONE (even me, but that’s another story) I steered the cart over to the fat chick area and started pawing through the racks of stuff and lo and behold what did I find… the MOST PERFECT pair of pants EVER made. In my size even. A pair of camouflage Capri pants. I immediately dropped the mini skirt I had been carrying around and snatched the pants off the rack declaring to K that THESE WERE THE ONES! K immediately started to smirk and make snide comments about how all I needed was a wife-beater and some combat boots to be ready for the pride march. I cast him a disparaging glance and muttered to him to shut up, that I didn’t think they let bi-sexuals in the march anyway. I searched through the racks of shirts to find a PERFECT one to go with my fabulous new pants (oddly enough I did keep finding tank tops that would go with the pants, but I didn’t buy any – because I already have some and secondly the amazing camouflage tank just wasn’t in my size) and ignored K’s continual comments about my Militant Lesbian uniform as I selected the perfect white lacy shirt to compliment the pants. When I tried the fabulous pants on, K commented that they actually looked really good on me. I’m thinking that camouflage print makes my fat ass harder to see… Maybe I need to buy all my clothes in camo from now on. Might not actually HIDE my ass from sight but in a pinch I’ll be able to hide in the bushes.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Crazy World I Live In
WTF is up with the weather? Yesterday it was all hot and everything and today it’s 56! 56! Say it with me FIFTY SIX! It’s cold. I’m not complaining, I like 56 better than 80, I’m just CONFUSED. I read the weather yesterday and it said possible showers high of 75. It’s not 75. It’s 56! And it isn’t raining.
Whatever…
Other stuff… since it’s SPRING the creek area is nearly in FULL bloom! I love that! It’s so pretty! And SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FULL of POISON IVY! A couple of weeks ago Super Girl and I got our FIRST case of poison ivy of the year! Woot! My rash was small and just on my face, poor Super Girl on the other hand got some on her face… and her right fore arm… and on her side… and under her arm and on her other arm and a small spot on her back. Sheesh! And we got all this by just walking on the side walk – no one went crashing through the brush. On that very walk I had stopped Super Girl specifically to point out the beautiful lush field of POISON IVY and cautioned her to STAY AWAY from it, do NOT touch the green stuff near the creek. Now it seems that neither her or I can even WALK down there. Sad really because we won’t be able to watch the web worms this year as they build nests in the trees, we can’t go looking for the cardinals or the blue jays, we can’t chase the butterflies, we can’t go smell the bushes of honeysuckle (it’s mixed in with the poison ivy), we won’t get to watch the persimmon trees or go search for the old well near the creek. Sucks really. Damn that poison ivy! Damn K and Cabbage Patch for not being allergic! Thank goodness for Benedryl and lots of anti-itching cream.
Other stuff…
Happy positive thoughts for K now, his most fabulous season tech support job has ended and he’s once again searching for employment. Tech Support is what he’s looking for and what he’s damn good at, so if you know of anything – send me a message.
Also, happy thoughts for my daddy. I can NOT fully express exactly how much I dislike my stepmother who is a stone cold bitch, minion of Satan. She’s giving my father a hard way to go and his life is already hard.
Okay, now I have to get back to my sewing machine! So much to sew!
WTF is up with the weather? Yesterday it was all hot and everything and today it’s 56! 56! Say it with me FIFTY SIX! It’s cold. I’m not complaining, I like 56 better than 80, I’m just CONFUSED. I read the weather yesterday and it said possible showers high of 75. It’s not 75. It’s 56! And it isn’t raining.
Whatever…
Other stuff… since it’s SPRING the creek area is nearly in FULL bloom! I love that! It’s so pretty! And SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FULL of POISON IVY! A couple of weeks ago Super Girl and I got our FIRST case of poison ivy of the year! Woot! My rash was small and just on my face, poor Super Girl on the other hand got some on her face… and her right fore arm… and on her side… and under her arm and on her other arm and a small spot on her back. Sheesh! And we got all this by just walking on the side walk – no one went crashing through the brush. On that very walk I had stopped Super Girl specifically to point out the beautiful lush field of POISON IVY and cautioned her to STAY AWAY from it, do NOT touch the green stuff near the creek. Now it seems that neither her or I can even WALK down there. Sad really because we won’t be able to watch the web worms this year as they build nests in the trees, we can’t go looking for the cardinals or the blue jays, we can’t chase the butterflies, we can’t go smell the bushes of honeysuckle (it’s mixed in with the poison ivy), we won’t get to watch the persimmon trees or go search for the old well near the creek. Sucks really. Damn that poison ivy! Damn K and Cabbage Patch for not being allergic! Thank goodness for Benedryl and lots of anti-itching cream.
Other stuff…
Happy positive thoughts for K now, his most fabulous season tech support job has ended and he’s once again searching for employment. Tech Support is what he’s looking for and what he’s damn good at, so if you know of anything – send me a message.
Also, happy thoughts for my daddy. I can NOT fully express exactly how much I dislike my stepmother who is a stone cold bitch, minion of Satan. She’s giving my father a hard way to go and his life is already hard.
Okay, now I have to get back to my sewing machine! So much to sew!
Monday, April 24, 2006
Blame LaSeg For This!
She's the one who keeps doing these damn things, and well ya know, I just HAVE to do them also!
Your results:
You are Supergirl
Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...
She's the one who keeps doing these damn things, and well ya know, I just HAVE to do them also!
Your results:
You are Supergirl
| Lean, muscular and feminine. Honest and a defender of the innocent.  |
Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...
Sunday, April 23, 2006
My Dating Style
Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. |
I Stepped On Barbie’s Head Just A Moment Ago
Not intentionally, she was just in the way, laying there on the floor as I was getting into the tub. It’s her own fault.
I just finished coloring my hair, because what better thing could one do at midnight on a Saturday night than color one’s hair? So now my bathroom looks like a crime scene. I was an idiot while coloring, I only wore gloves to do the roots, then took them off to do the refresher color so I ended up with that “Oops, I didn’t mean to kill that hooker” red all over my hands… actually down to my elbows. No matter, the hair shall look fabulous, so what if my tub was like that shower scene from Psycho?
On to other insanity!
Life is so weird sometimes. One of my best friends from high school has a mild form of stalking, in her free time at work she likes to do online searches for people we knew in high school. Then she’ll call me and tell me about the, on occasion she’ll ask me or dare me (in the case of my nemesis from hs) to e-mail them. Early in the week she called and left me a message to CALL HER NOW. I did not as I was very busy and while I was listening to her telephone message I got another phone call so I forgot to call her, so bad me, I suck. ANYWAY… I got a message on MySpace from her to CALL HER on Thursday. She tells me that she found our friend E’s page on MySpace and I have to go look. So, of course I HAVE to do that. I was all “Oh my goodness! He’s um… grown up… and um… gotten really cute!” My friend implored me to send E an e-mail (because she’s a total ‘tard and couldn’t figure out to how to do it from MySpace herself). So I did. Friday my friend calls back to see if E answered, which he hadn’t so I sent yet another message demanding his attention. It’s odd how when STALKING, HOOKERS and GROUP THERAPY are all mentioned, it gets one’s attention. So started the exchange of e-mails betwixt he and I and the phone calls from my friend. It was crazy. But a good kind of crazy. Hopefully we all can meet up soon.
Taking Out A Loan To Fill Up The Tank
Fuck, gas prices are out of control. It took $37 to fill my gas tank on my tiny little car.
Must go to work. How I hate not having AC in my car. *sigh* Think cool thoughts for me.
Not intentionally, she was just in the way, laying there on the floor as I was getting into the tub. It’s her own fault.
I just finished coloring my hair, because what better thing could one do at midnight on a Saturday night than color one’s hair? So now my bathroom looks like a crime scene. I was an idiot while coloring, I only wore gloves to do the roots, then took them off to do the refresher color so I ended up with that “Oops, I didn’t mean to kill that hooker” red all over my hands… actually down to my elbows. No matter, the hair shall look fabulous, so what if my tub was like that shower scene from Psycho?
On to other insanity!
Life is so weird sometimes. One of my best friends from high school has a mild form of stalking, in her free time at work she likes to do online searches for people we knew in high school. Then she’ll call me and tell me about the, on occasion she’ll ask me or dare me (in the case of my nemesis from hs) to e-mail them. Early in the week she called and left me a message to CALL HER NOW. I did not as I was very busy and while I was listening to her telephone message I got another phone call so I forgot to call her, so bad me, I suck. ANYWAY… I got a message on MySpace from her to CALL HER on Thursday. She tells me that she found our friend E’s page on MySpace and I have to go look. So, of course I HAVE to do that. I was all “Oh my goodness! He’s um… grown up… and um… gotten really cute!” My friend implored me to send E an e-mail (because she’s a total ‘tard and couldn’t figure out to how to do it from MySpace herself). So I did. Friday my friend calls back to see if E answered, which he hadn’t so I sent yet another message demanding his attention. It’s odd how when STALKING, HOOKERS and GROUP THERAPY are all mentioned, it gets one’s attention. So started the exchange of e-mails betwixt he and I and the phone calls from my friend. It was crazy. But a good kind of crazy. Hopefully we all can meet up soon.
Taking Out A Loan To Fill Up The Tank
Fuck, gas prices are out of control. It took $37 to fill my gas tank on my tiny little car.
Must go to work. How I hate not having AC in my car. *sigh* Think cool thoughts for me.
Friday, April 21, 2006
At 4 It’s Amuseing, At 40 It’ll Need Medication…
Cabbage Patch is insane this morning. More so than usual. The cause? Cereal. Some sugary cereal of no nutritional value that I RARELY let my offspring eat. It’s gone, that’s why she’s pissed. Super Girl had the last of the this morning. Now the world is coming to an end… because Super Girl ate the last of the cereal. How stupid of me to not know. The best part of all of this was when she walked out of the kitchen holding the empty box and said “No one eats all my Trix!” I tried HARD not to laugh but I had the Lucky Charms theme song running through my head as she looked like a deranged leprechaun! “They’re magically delicious!”
Cabbage Patch is insane this morning. More so than usual. The cause? Cereal. Some sugary cereal of no nutritional value that I RARELY let my offspring eat. It’s gone, that’s why she’s pissed. Super Girl had the last of the this morning. Now the world is coming to an end… because Super Girl ate the last of the cereal. How stupid of me to not know. The best part of all of this was when she walked out of the kitchen holding the empty box and said “No one eats all my Trix!” I tried HARD not to laugh but I had the Lucky Charms theme song running through my head as she looked like a deranged leprechaun! “They’re magically delicious!”
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Puppet Theater Seder!
Last week the Little People and I celebrated Passover. Unlike most years when I had K’s help in preparing, this year it was just me, the Tiny Terrorists and a sock puppet. Yes a sock puppet, I needed all the help I could in keeping the attention of my offspring.
Since this was my year of doing it alone, this would be the year of the SHORT Seder instead of the one that lasts until midnight or 1 am. Luckily everything went well. The progeny sat through everything (even though Super Girl asked ever 5 minutes if it was “time to find the matzah?” or if it was “time to open the door for Elijah?”), only one glass of wine was spilled on the table, no one called my matzah balls ‘poop’ and the offspring actually ATE the meal (roasted breast of lamb and potatoes, salad, mixed veggies and matzah ball soup, with a delightful desert of chocolate topped coconut macaroons – all made by ME).
Thankfully I had a sock puppet to help out. Just about the time that the offspring were getting bored and restless and I was on the verge of snapping at them that NO, it WAS NOT time to find the fucking matzah or open the DAMN DOOR! I turned to my friend the Pets.com spokes puppet and let him take over. I’m fairly certain that his rendition of the Exodus story wouldn’t be exactly considered reverent but it DID keep my offspring riveted to the story and sitting in their seats. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two kids that excited over plagues! They were almost as excited about that as the fact that I forgot to get kosher grape juice for them so they got 4 tiny glasses of wine. I of course opted for 4 LARGE glasses of wine as I traditionally do and I’m guessing THAT is why the puppet was such and an amusing and important part of the Seder.
Anyway, I managed to get the offspring to bed shortly after 9 pm and the puppet and I passed out on the sofa after finishing off the rest of the bottle of wine.
Seder Guest
Ready for the seder
They were BIG glasses of wine.
Last week the Little People and I celebrated Passover. Unlike most years when I had K’s help in preparing, this year it was just me, the Tiny Terrorists and a sock puppet. Yes a sock puppet, I needed all the help I could in keeping the attention of my offspring.
Since this was my year of doing it alone, this would be the year of the SHORT Seder instead of the one that lasts until midnight or 1 am. Luckily everything went well. The progeny sat through everything (even though Super Girl asked ever 5 minutes if it was “time to find the matzah?” or if it was “time to open the door for Elijah?”), only one glass of wine was spilled on the table, no one called my matzah balls ‘poop’ and the offspring actually ATE the meal (roasted breast of lamb and potatoes, salad, mixed veggies and matzah ball soup, with a delightful desert of chocolate topped coconut macaroons – all made by ME).
Thankfully I had a sock puppet to help out. Just about the time that the offspring were getting bored and restless and I was on the verge of snapping at them that NO, it WAS NOT time to find the fucking matzah or open the DAMN DOOR! I turned to my friend the Pets.com spokes puppet and let him take over. I’m fairly certain that his rendition of the Exodus story wouldn’t be exactly considered reverent but it DID keep my offspring riveted to the story and sitting in their seats. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two kids that excited over plagues! They were almost as excited about that as the fact that I forgot to get kosher grape juice for them so they got 4 tiny glasses of wine. I of course opted for 4 LARGE glasses of wine as I traditionally do and I’m guessing THAT is why the puppet was such and an amusing and important part of the Seder.
Anyway, I managed to get the offspring to bed shortly after 9 pm and the puppet and I passed out on the sofa after finishing off the rest of the bottle of wine.
Seder Guest
Ready for the seder
They were BIG glasses of wine.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Do NOT Fuck With Her! She Will FUCK You Up!
And she'll still be holding her Barbie.
My child is insane. I sometimes feel a twinge of guilt about her birth and wonder if that lack of oxygen is the cause of her madness. Her latest thing is to ball up her little fist, make that 'tough' face and say "You wanna piece of me?" It makes me laugh most times, you just can't take that statement seriously coming from her cerubic face.
And since yesterday she's been playing with clothes pins. It's bizarre. Today she stuck about 7 of them in her hair, which I just HAD to get a photo of. Then about 30 minutes later while K and I were having a conversation I had to stop mid sentence as I saw her with a clothes pin on both lips. A few moments ago she was doing her own version of Edward Scissor Hands with the clothes pins. Weird.
And she'll still be holding her Barbie.
My child is insane. I sometimes feel a twinge of guilt about her birth and wonder if that lack of oxygen is the cause of her madness. Her latest thing is to ball up her little fist, make that 'tough' face and say "You wanna piece of me?" It makes me laugh most times, you just can't take that statement seriously coming from her cerubic face.
And since yesterday she's been playing with clothes pins. It's bizarre. Today she stuck about 7 of them in her hair, which I just HAD to get a photo of. Then about 30 minutes later while K and I were having a conversation I had to stop mid sentence as I saw her with a clothes pin on both lips. A few moments ago she was doing her own version of Edward Scissor Hands with the clothes pins. Weird.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Time Out!
Damn, talk about being busy! I was so busy last week, I had this crazy notion that this week would be relaxing. HAHAHAHAHAHA! It doesn’t help that I’m completely off my schedule. K is working 3 pm until 2 am these days so that means he’s HOME for part of the day, meaning I have to totally rework my schedule. On top of that, I’m a day off. Yesterday K and I had this conversation:
Me: Oy! I have so much to do to get ready for Passover! (imagine me with the Jewish Mother accent)
Him: You have to do the Search for Chametz tonight also.
Me: No that’s tomorrow. Passover starts on Thursday night.
Him: No it starts tomorrow.
Me: *rolling my eyes at the ignorant gentile* No… it starts Thursday at sundown. On the 12th. I already checked.
Him: Judy, today is the 11th.
Me: Oh… hmm.. damn. I’m a day off.
So, yeah… whatever… It’s the story of my life. At this very moment I’m waiting for K to wake up so I can go to the store and get the last items for our fabulous Passover meal. While I wait I’ve been scanning through the Childrens Haggadah so I can adapt it with PUPPETS! This year will be the year of The Puppet Theater Passover! Hey, I’m doing this solo this year, I need all the advantages I can get and quite frankly the Tiny Terrorist give the puppet 100% of their attention where as I get about 30 seconds. 30 seconds is not enough time to get through 10 plagues AND the parting of the Red Sea.
Other things..
This past weekend was insane! But tremendous amounts of fun. It was the opening of Scarborough Faire. Due to K’s work schedule I had to bring the Tiny Terrorists with me to fair. Which meant I had to garb them! Woohoo! As usual with faire, I was up sewing until 4:30 am – both night. BUT – my offspring looked CUTE! So it was well worth the lack of sleep.
I’m not going to bore you with details of fair – Just look at the photos.
Wynde Darling just dressed!
RenJews!
Scary Cyn!
Scary Fairy!
NOT scary Fairies!
Are they ALWAYS Happy like that???
Filched Feathers! Damn I look good!
Multi tasking
Young Love... wait... too soon! Hands off little man!
Those Crazy Wenches! YMCA!
Look! It's Cher! Or... is it Sally Struthers?
Go look at Scarborough Faire photos to see the rest (click on both words to see both days)
Damn, talk about being busy! I was so busy last week, I had this crazy notion that this week would be relaxing. HAHAHAHAHAHA! It doesn’t help that I’m completely off my schedule. K is working 3 pm until 2 am these days so that means he’s HOME for part of the day, meaning I have to totally rework my schedule. On top of that, I’m a day off. Yesterday K and I had this conversation:
Me: Oy! I have so much to do to get ready for Passover! (imagine me with the Jewish Mother accent)
Him: You have to do the Search for Chametz tonight also.
Me: No that’s tomorrow. Passover starts on Thursday night.
Him: No it starts tomorrow.
Me: *rolling my eyes at the ignorant gentile* No… it starts Thursday at sundown. On the 12th. I already checked.
Him: Judy, today is the 11th.
Me: Oh… hmm.. damn. I’m a day off.
So, yeah… whatever… It’s the story of my life. At this very moment I’m waiting for K to wake up so I can go to the store and get the last items for our fabulous Passover meal. While I wait I’ve been scanning through the Childrens Haggadah so I can adapt it with PUPPETS! This year will be the year of The Puppet Theater Passover! Hey, I’m doing this solo this year, I need all the advantages I can get and quite frankly the Tiny Terrorist give the puppet 100% of their attention where as I get about 30 seconds. 30 seconds is not enough time to get through 10 plagues AND the parting of the Red Sea.
Other things..
This past weekend was insane! But tremendous amounts of fun. It was the opening of Scarborough Faire. Due to K’s work schedule I had to bring the Tiny Terrorists with me to fair. Which meant I had to garb them! Woohoo! As usual with faire, I was up sewing until 4:30 am – both night. BUT – my offspring looked CUTE! So it was well worth the lack of sleep.
I’m not going to bore you with details of fair – Just look at the photos.
Wynde Darling just dressed!
RenJews!
Scary Cyn!
Scary Fairy!
NOT scary Fairies!
Are they ALWAYS Happy like that???
Filched Feathers! Damn I look good!
Multi tasking
Young Love... wait... too soon! Hands off little man!
Those Crazy Wenches! YMCA!
Look! It's Cher! Or... is it Sally Struthers?
Go look at Scarborough Faire photos to see the rest (click on both words to see both days)
Thursday, April 06, 2006
You Kids! Get Off My Lawn!
Before...
I'm very angry right now. I don't even have time to be, I have so much to do, but I am. White hot angry. I took the Little People to have a delightful gourmet meal of McD's because the thought of cooking tonight was more nauseating than the thought of eating McD's food and I figured that if we walked to McD's and they played in the 'Migical Fun Fabulous Play Area' courtesy of Ronald McD', that they would be pretty damn tired out by the time we got home and go right to bed which would save my sanity and give me a few moments of peace.... but I digress... When we got home there was a group of 8 - 11 year olds milling around my building. They had been throwing bricks in the street and spitting on the sidewalk and when I got to my door I saw this:
After
They had knocked over one of my large planters (pictured above a few days ago with lovely green sprouts). They also had obviously stepped in two others and had messed with one other. I didn't even get to opening my door before I walked over to the 8 or 9 kids who had been cautiously watching me. I asked them who had been messing with my plants and somehow they had NO IDEA WHO had done that, even though it was obvious it had just happened (there was still wet outlines of where my planters HAD been on the cement). I told them I didn't believe them and that I thougth they had done it and that they had beter keep their fucking hands off my planters.
I know it's not the end of the fucking world, but it still pisses me off. The Little People and I have a tradition of planting things every year. Starting in January or February we start discussing what to plant and shopping for seeds. Finally we plan a special day to plant seeds. This year my offspring were especially excited about our 'garden'. Every single day they have peered into the planters searching for tiny green sprouts. Every day since the first green sprouts pushed through the dirt, they have inspected them and excitedly reported on the growth. And now... most of it is gone. *sigh*
Before...
I'm very angry right now. I don't even have time to be, I have so much to do, but I am. White hot angry. I took the Little People to have a delightful gourmet meal of McD's because the thought of cooking tonight was more nauseating than the thought of eating McD's food and I figured that if we walked to McD's and they played in the 'Migical Fun Fabulous Play Area' courtesy of Ronald McD', that they would be pretty damn tired out by the time we got home and go right to bed which would save my sanity and give me a few moments of peace.... but I digress... When we got home there was a group of 8 - 11 year olds milling around my building. They had been throwing bricks in the street and spitting on the sidewalk and when I got to my door I saw this:
After
They had knocked over one of my large planters (pictured above a few days ago with lovely green sprouts). They also had obviously stepped in two others and had messed with one other. I didn't even get to opening my door before I walked over to the 8 or 9 kids who had been cautiously watching me. I asked them who had been messing with my plants and somehow they had NO IDEA WHO had done that, even though it was obvious it had just happened (there was still wet outlines of where my planters HAD been on the cement). I told them I didn't believe them and that I thougth they had done it and that they had beter keep their fucking hands off my planters.
I know it's not the end of the fucking world, but it still pisses me off. The Little People and I have a tradition of planting things every year. Starting in January or February we start discussing what to plant and shopping for seeds. Finally we plan a special day to plant seeds. This year my offspring were especially excited about our 'garden'. Every single day they have peered into the planters searching for tiny green sprouts. Every day since the first green sprouts pushed through the dirt, they have inspected them and excitedly reported on the growth. And now... most of it is gone. *sigh*
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Spring Garden!
Sprouts!
More Sprouts!
Butterfly
Damn I'm busy lately. I must have half a dozen post that I've startd and haven't finished. I keep getting interupted and when I get back to the computer i rarely have time to finish let alone the time to figure out what train of thought that unfinished post was on! Anyway, here are some photos of my 'garden'. it's off to a smashing start with everything The Tiny Terrorists and I planted actually GROWING this year. YAY!!
Other Exciting Things
K tought me how to drive a STICK SHIFT the other day. I have to say it wasn't nearly as hard as i had inticipated though it's a bit tricky to manage to stop and then start again without stalling the damn car. I must have done that about half a dozen times, and twice on the street with people behind me! Ah well life goes on, I can shift and all with no problems.
Well back to sewing and stuff, enjoy the fabulous photos of growing things and the photo of the beautiful butterfly hanging out next to the creek.
Sprouts!
More Sprouts!
Butterfly
Damn I'm busy lately. I must have half a dozen post that I've startd and haven't finished. I keep getting interupted and when I get back to the computer i rarely have time to finish let alone the time to figure out what train of thought that unfinished post was on! Anyway, here are some photos of my 'garden'. it's off to a smashing start with everything The Tiny Terrorists and I planted actually GROWING this year. YAY!!
Other Exciting Things
K tought me how to drive a STICK SHIFT the other day. I have to say it wasn't nearly as hard as i had inticipated though it's a bit tricky to manage to stop and then start again without stalling the damn car. I must have done that about half a dozen times, and twice on the street with people behind me! Ah well life goes on, I can shift and all with no problems.
Well back to sewing and stuff, enjoy the fabulous photos of growing things and the photo of the beautiful butterfly hanging out next to the creek.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Some People Just Suck
What's up with rude people today? Was there a memo sent out that people are supposed to be RUDE today and I just didn't get it?
I'm so irritated with this one person I just had to walk away. The grandmother of a baby I was scheduled to take it's photo at noon looked me right in the eye and said "You need to be accomodating of us." after telling me that they weren't ready for the baby's photos - this is the third time to schedule with this family. I've scheduled a time to take these photos three times and they CAN NOT get their shit together, yet I'm the one who needs to be ACCOMODATING? They are wasting my time and I need to be ACCOMODATING? Whatever, she can just SUCK IT.
The other family is not nearly as rude yet still they have no respect for my time. I scheduled with her yesterday and didn't get many shots as she was tired from some vistors who just wouldn't leave. I suggest that I come back a bit later after she had her lunch and a nap. When I returned she was still napping and said we could take the photos today. This morning I step into her room to schedule the photos and she says she can't schedule a time as she has a lot of visitors coming and wants to know how she can contact me to let me know when she's available. Sorry, can't do that, I'm actually going to be WORKING and not sitting by a phone waiting for you to grant me the priveledge of being in your presence. I'll stop by before I leave and if she's not ready, she can SUCK IT too!
What's up with rude people today? Was there a memo sent out that people are supposed to be RUDE today and I just didn't get it?
I'm so irritated with this one person I just had to walk away. The grandmother of a baby I was scheduled to take it's photo at noon looked me right in the eye and said "You need to be accomodating of us." after telling me that they weren't ready for the baby's photos - this is the third time to schedule with this family. I've scheduled a time to take these photos three times and they CAN NOT get their shit together, yet I'm the one who needs to be ACCOMODATING? They are wasting my time and I need to be ACCOMODATING? Whatever, she can just SUCK IT.
The other family is not nearly as rude yet still they have no respect for my time. I scheduled with her yesterday and didn't get many shots as she was tired from some vistors who just wouldn't leave. I suggest that I come back a bit later after she had her lunch and a nap. When I returned she was still napping and said we could take the photos today. This morning I step into her room to schedule the photos and she says she can't schedule a time as she has a lot of visitors coming and wants to know how she can contact me to let me know when she's available. Sorry, can't do that, I'm actually going to be WORKING and not sitting by a phone waiting for you to grant me the priveledge of being in your presence. I'll stop by before I leave and if she's not ready, she can SUCK IT too!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I Do Not Like Green Eggs And SPAM!
A can of SPAM. In my pantry. I know it sounds wrong considering me being a JEW. It’s one of the remnants abandoned to me by the temporary roommate in her hasty exit. It’s been sitting in my kitchen taunting me for months. Today I offered it to Cabbage Patch for lunch, I said “Do you want SPAM and eggs?” and she quickly said yes. Even though she had no idea WHAT SPAM is (really, who does though?), she said yes. Since she hasn’t claimed to be Jewish and her father is Christian I have no problem feeding this personally offensive meat product to my child (hey, at least she’s EATING something) – and she just informed me that she’s not Jewish or Christian she’s GREEK! Yeah… umm… okay.
As I opened the tin and plopped out the pink block of pork stuff I had images of cute little block shaped piggy creatures frolicking across a field with a big SPAM tin shaped barn in the back ground. This was a much more comforting thought of the origins of the pink block of pork than the actual meat processing plant idea with various questionable parts being ground up and squashed into bricks. Icky. SPAM piggies are cute. Questionable pig parts made into bricks is not cute.
Cabbage Patch never gave it a though she gobbled down all the slices of pig brick and asked for more. *sigh* At least it’s out of my house before Passover. (PS – I had mushrooms with MY eggs)
Other things
My child is so insane; we had this exchange this morning:
Me to naked child: You need to get dressed.
Her: Why? Is somebody coming over? (Because, ya know, that’s the only reason you should HAVE to get dressed is if someone is coming to visit.)
Me: No, you just need some clothes on. What if someone comes to the door?
Her: I’d just hide!
Later:
Me: Stop jumping on my bed!
Her: But MOM I’m doing my workout!
I Am The Jell-O Master!
In the past two days I’ve made 4 packages of Jell-O (2 red for 6 Jell-O Jiggler eggs, and 1 green and one orange for 6 more). My offspring think I’m the bomb for making Jell-O eggs. I’ve decided that I must now make many more Jell-O recipes to explore my insanity, be creative AND make a tasty snack! Insanity + Creativity + Snack = WINNER! (Or Elvis… not really sure… must recalculate some time)
All this talk of Jell-O reminded me of a time when K and I went to Kansas. I was served a delicious strawberry Jell-O desert right after taking some allergy medicine to ward off my reaction to being in Kansas. Later we went to listen to some old people play old people music at an outdoor concert where I fell asleep and had whacked out dreams of living Jell-O. I’m not sure it’s a coincidence or not, but I believe that’s the SAME trip K and I got engaged on. Hmmmm… Was it the Jell-O or was it just Kansas? (The state not the band).
Okay, enough, I must go console my offspring who is disappointed that her tongue hasn’t turned green from eating green Jell-o eggs.
A can of SPAM. In my pantry. I know it sounds wrong considering me being a JEW. It’s one of the remnants abandoned to me by the temporary roommate in her hasty exit. It’s been sitting in my kitchen taunting me for months. Today I offered it to Cabbage Patch for lunch, I said “Do you want SPAM and eggs?” and she quickly said yes. Even though she had no idea WHAT SPAM is (really, who does though?), she said yes. Since she hasn’t claimed to be Jewish and her father is Christian I have no problem feeding this personally offensive meat product to my child (hey, at least she’s EATING something) – and she just informed me that she’s not Jewish or Christian she’s GREEK! Yeah… umm… okay.
As I opened the tin and plopped out the pink block of pork stuff I had images of cute little block shaped piggy creatures frolicking across a field with a big SPAM tin shaped barn in the back ground. This was a much more comforting thought of the origins of the pink block of pork than the actual meat processing plant idea with various questionable parts being ground up and squashed into bricks. Icky. SPAM piggies are cute. Questionable pig parts made into bricks is not cute.
Cabbage Patch never gave it a though she gobbled down all the slices of pig brick and asked for more. *sigh* At least it’s out of my house before Passover. (PS – I had mushrooms with MY eggs)
Other things
My child is so insane; we had this exchange this morning:
Me to naked child: You need to get dressed.
Her: Why? Is somebody coming over? (Because, ya know, that’s the only reason you should HAVE to get dressed is if someone is coming to visit.)
Me: No, you just need some clothes on. What if someone comes to the door?
Her: I’d just hide!
Later:
Me: Stop jumping on my bed!
Her: But MOM I’m doing my workout!
I Am The Jell-O Master!
In the past two days I’ve made 4 packages of Jell-O (2 red for 6 Jell-O Jiggler eggs, and 1 green and one orange for 6 more). My offspring think I’m the bomb for making Jell-O eggs. I’ve decided that I must now make many more Jell-O recipes to explore my insanity, be creative AND make a tasty snack! Insanity + Creativity + Snack = WINNER! (Or Elvis… not really sure… must recalculate some time)
All this talk of Jell-O reminded me of a time when K and I went to Kansas. I was served a delicious strawberry Jell-O desert right after taking some allergy medicine to ward off my reaction to being in Kansas. Later we went to listen to some old people play old people music at an outdoor concert where I fell asleep and had whacked out dreams of living Jell-O. I’m not sure it’s a coincidence or not, but I believe that’s the SAME trip K and I got engaged on. Hmmmm… Was it the Jell-O or was it just Kansas? (The state not the band).
Okay, enough, I must go console my offspring who is disappointed that her tongue hasn’t turned green from eating green Jell-o eggs.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Motherhood, It’s All About Teaching Valuable Lessons… Like Holding A Grudge.
I’m irritable (don’t even make any PMS jokes fuckers, I’ll find you and cut you) and I probably have NO reason what-so-ever to be irritable. But that doesn’t keep me from feeling this righteous indignation on behalf of my first born.
This morning before school, Super Girl pulls a BIRTHDAY INVITATION from her back pack and excitedly tells me it’s for (insert over used girl’s name)’s birthday. I instantly felt pissed. I also instantly knew that I really should get over it, BUT I can’t. If you recall my post about Super Girl’s Pirate Party, you will recall that NONE of her school friends came to the party and NONE of the parents even BOTHERED to RSVP with regrets (ASSHOLES). I’m still PISSED about that. I know I need to get over, I’ve already said that… yet, since it’s a slight not against myself, which I can just blow off, it’s a slight against MY FIRST BORN! And I being the very protective mother that I am, can’t let it go… I just CAN’T! (don’t worry, I’m not out for VENGENCE… other than maybe the sneaky wish that this party totally blows and that this kid blames her mother for the rest of her life for ruining her 7th birthday party. But that’s just normal, I’m not talking about anything drastic like keying her car or photoshoping photos of the mom in compromising positions with farm animals and e-mailing them to her work/family/etc. or making a voodoo doll of the mom… well maybe the voodoo doll but that would just be THERAPY for me, not a REVENGE thing.)
I’m actually shocked that I’m still pissed about the birthday thing, I’m not the type of person to hold a grudge. Except about this. In fact I won’t even talk to the mom’s of the two little girls that catch the same bus as Super Girl who were invited to her party. We don’t even catch the bus at the same place (that was Super Girl’s idea, not mine, but I’m fine with it since I’ve made a friend with a different mom who waits there with her son). I know, I’m childish and petty, I can live with that. But I digress…
I am now vacillating between actually letting my offspring go to this party for the offspring of at lease one very rude parent or of sending my regrets (with a flaming bag of dog shit on her porch).
Other crap… I really don’t have time to WRITE more right now, as I have a FILTHY house to clean, a MOUNTAIN of laundry to scale, HUNDREDS of sewing projects to finish and a CRAZY circus midget to duct tape to the stairs… er… I mean occupy with educational activities… yeah… educational activities.
BUT! I shall write more, there is much more to write about…
COMING SOON!
Spring Break Is OVER! The perilous tale of spring break and my near collapse into madness at the hands of my offspring (not really).
• Donuts with D
• Thrift Store fun
• Teddy Bear Park
• Jolly Rogers Movie Day
• Planting the ‘Garden’
• Lunch With Sable and The Wife
• “I spent $15 for what???”
• Hey! That’s MY $1 that paid for that!
• Oh yeah! I do have one of those don’t I!
Super Girl’s FABULOUS B-Day pressies just arrived!
Hanta and Bea have a new home.
Why I’m contemplating K’s brutal and painful murder and my need for a babysitter for Friday night and Sunday.
Why K is actually safe from DEATH (but no the pain… you’d be surprised what you can live through).
See! I told you I had a lot to write about! I’d do that now, but ya know, this house isn’t going to clean it’s self and so far my attempts to teach the cats to clean have all stalled at vacuuming – damn cat’s run every time they turn it on. Sheesh.
I’m irritable (don’t even make any PMS jokes fuckers, I’ll find you and cut you) and I probably have NO reason what-so-ever to be irritable. But that doesn’t keep me from feeling this righteous indignation on behalf of my first born.
This morning before school, Super Girl pulls a BIRTHDAY INVITATION from her back pack and excitedly tells me it’s for (insert over used girl’s name)’s birthday. I instantly felt pissed. I also instantly knew that I really should get over it, BUT I can’t. If you recall my post about Super Girl’s Pirate Party, you will recall that NONE of her school friends came to the party and NONE of the parents even BOTHERED to RSVP with regrets (ASSHOLES). I’m still PISSED about that. I know I need to get over, I’ve already said that… yet, since it’s a slight not against myself, which I can just blow off, it’s a slight against MY FIRST BORN! And I being the very protective mother that I am, can’t let it go… I just CAN’T! (don’t worry, I’m not out for VENGENCE… other than maybe the sneaky wish that this party totally blows and that this kid blames her mother for the rest of her life for ruining her 7th birthday party. But that’s just normal, I’m not talking about anything drastic like keying her car or photoshoping photos of the mom in compromising positions with farm animals and e-mailing them to her work/family/etc. or making a voodoo doll of the mom… well maybe the voodoo doll but that would just be THERAPY for me, not a REVENGE thing.)
I’m actually shocked that I’m still pissed about the birthday thing, I’m not the type of person to hold a grudge. Except about this. In fact I won’t even talk to the mom’s of the two little girls that catch the same bus as Super Girl who were invited to her party. We don’t even catch the bus at the same place (that was Super Girl’s idea, not mine, but I’m fine with it since I’ve made a friend with a different mom who waits there with her son). I know, I’m childish and petty, I can live with that. But I digress…
I am now vacillating between actually letting my offspring go to this party for the offspring of at lease one very rude parent or of sending my regrets (with a flaming bag of dog shit on her porch).
Other crap… I really don’t have time to WRITE more right now, as I have a FILTHY house to clean, a MOUNTAIN of laundry to scale, HUNDREDS of sewing projects to finish and a CRAZY circus midget to duct tape to the stairs… er… I mean occupy with educational activities… yeah… educational activities.
BUT! I shall write more, there is much more to write about…
COMING SOON!
Spring Break Is OVER! The perilous tale of spring break and my near collapse into madness at the hands of my offspring (not really).
• Donuts with D
• Thrift Store fun
• Teddy Bear Park
• Jolly Rogers Movie Day
• Planting the ‘Garden’
• Lunch With Sable and The Wife
• “I spent $15 for what???”
• Hey! That’s MY $1 that paid for that!
• Oh yeah! I do have one of those don’t I!
Super Girl’s FABULOUS B-Day pressies just arrived!
Hanta and Bea have a new home.
Why I’m contemplating K’s brutal and painful murder and my need for a babysitter for Friday night and Sunday.
Why K is actually safe from DEATH (but no the pain… you’d be surprised what you can live through).
See! I told you I had a lot to write about! I’d do that now, but ya know, this house isn’t going to clean it’s self and so far my attempts to teach the cats to clean have all stalled at vacuuming – damn cat’s run every time they turn it on. Sheesh.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Why I Stopped At Two…
Yesterday Cabbage Patch was wrapping the strap off some luggage around herself (don’t ask why, she’s 4, there is no logical answer) and walked up to me to ask “Mamma, how do I look?” to which I answered “Weird.” Without missing a beat her older and more jaded sister replied “You look like a dork.” All I could do was laugh. Well she did look like a dork (which she was overly proud of) and I COMPLETELY remember my older sister saying shit like that to me.
Yesterday Cabbage Patch was wrapping the strap off some luggage around herself (don’t ask why, she’s 4, there is no logical answer) and walked up to me to ask “Mamma, how do I look?” to which I answered “Weird.” Without missing a beat her older and more jaded sister replied “You look like a dork.” All I could do was laugh. Well she did look like a dork (which she was overly proud of) and I COMPLETELY remember my older sister saying shit like that to me.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Sorry To Be So Late, I Think I Spring Broke My Brain
Dear gawd, Spring Break has affected my thinking. I’m getting more sleep due to not having to get up quite so early (hey, one freaking HOUR really fucking helps… well that and I went to bed early a couple of nights, go figure) – not that it matters since most of my waking hours is spent trying to entertain or occupy a 7 year old and a 4 year old and fighting that urge just to lock them in a dog kennel for several hours at a time. Opps… did I say that out loud? Damn mental filter isn’t working so well again (ever). So yeah, I can’t think straight… seems that being well rested only makes me that much more ADD than usual and since I’m generally a little distracted… well… what was I talking about?
OH! NEW AND SHINY!
I finally got my NEW cell phone and after 6 phone calls and a visit to both the Nextel (SUCKS!) and the Sprint (they don’t suck) stores, things ARE up and running. So if you left me a message on my cell phone over the weekend, sorry, I didn’t get it... I mean I DID get it, but I couldn’t GET TO IT so I never heard it. At any rate, I totally love this new phone. It’s a camera phone. Woohoo! When you see me, you must ask to see my screen saver on my phone, I took that photo – it’s too funny. Don’t ask me to SEND you the photo… I don’t think I can, I think that’d cost me more money… I’m not even sure I can upload the photo on my computer. See I kind of lost the instruction manual already. I read one page and I’ve lost it. No, really I did. I’m sure it’s here somewhere, I’ll find it eventually. Anyway, it makes me laugh.
Scoring A 0.02 – Somewhere Between Useless and Dying
Monday was the MOST FUN EVER in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. (sarcasm) Being the first Monday of SPRING BREAK, I had all these grand plans of things to do with the offspring that would keep them entertained and keep me sane. Yeah, whatever. I have no idea why I ever really PLAN things out. I LOVE plans but I really do love SPONTANEOUS too. And when it comes right down to it, in a choice between being the grown up with set plans, I’m more likely to be the ADD 5 year old who just ate 3 frosted cupcakes spontaneous. Not always, but a lot of the time. New fun can be more fun than old fun, but not always but I’m always curious to find out. Wait… what was I talking about... Oh yeah… Monday…
So MONDAY the plan was to do gardening. That’s what I had thought out and planned. To plant our garden. I bought new seeds and new tiny shovels for the progeny. Monday morning I realized the error of my planning. That planting out ‘garden’ (about 5 planters) would take a total of 30 minutes if we took out time. Ahhh… hmmm… must improvise. And by improvise I mean put DVD’s on and hope they would sit there and be occupied until early afternoon when we’d go plant. I had actually planned a trip to the park with a picnic but for some fucked up reason it was COLD and WINDY Monday so umm… no. So after the first DVD got boring we spent the rest of the morning doing laundry and let me tell you, KIDS LOVE DOING LAUNDRY! Well not really, so the morning involved a lot of yelling and whining and cursing. Finally after short naps, we PLANT the GARDEN between gusts of wind. Now here’s the FUN part of the day! After planting the headache I’d had most of the day decided to become a MIGRAINE! Woohoo! I spend the rest of the evening shushing the progeny who are by now WOUND up and RUNNING WILD. I message K desperately begging him to make time go faster and get home NOW. He promised to take the offspring with him to his political thingy that night so I could feign death on the couch until I didn’t have the urge to vomit every time I moved. Eventually he got home and drug Chaos and Destruction off with him. The world improved. The end of Monday.
I’ll add more to this later… I need to go rinse my hair because I stopped mid paragraph and had to put color on my hair.
Dear gawd, Spring Break has affected my thinking. I’m getting more sleep due to not having to get up quite so early (hey, one freaking HOUR really fucking helps… well that and I went to bed early a couple of nights, go figure) – not that it matters since most of my waking hours is spent trying to entertain or occupy a 7 year old and a 4 year old and fighting that urge just to lock them in a dog kennel for several hours at a time. Opps… did I say that out loud? Damn mental filter isn’t working so well again (ever). So yeah, I can’t think straight… seems that being well rested only makes me that much more ADD than usual and since I’m generally a little distracted… well… what was I talking about?
OH! NEW AND SHINY!
I finally got my NEW cell phone and after 6 phone calls and a visit to both the Nextel (SUCKS!) and the Sprint (they don’t suck) stores, things ARE up and running. So if you left me a message on my cell phone over the weekend, sorry, I didn’t get it... I mean I DID get it, but I couldn’t GET TO IT so I never heard it. At any rate, I totally love this new phone. It’s a camera phone. Woohoo! When you see me, you must ask to see my screen saver on my phone, I took that photo – it’s too funny. Don’t ask me to SEND you the photo… I don’t think I can, I think that’d cost me more money… I’m not even sure I can upload the photo on my computer. See I kind of lost the instruction manual already. I read one page and I’ve lost it. No, really I did. I’m sure it’s here somewhere, I’ll find it eventually. Anyway, it makes me laugh.
Scoring A 0.02 – Somewhere Between Useless and Dying
Monday was the MOST FUN EVER in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. (sarcasm) Being the first Monday of SPRING BREAK, I had all these grand plans of things to do with the offspring that would keep them entertained and keep me sane. Yeah, whatever. I have no idea why I ever really PLAN things out. I LOVE plans but I really do love SPONTANEOUS too. And when it comes right down to it, in a choice between being the grown up with set plans, I’m more likely to be the ADD 5 year old who just ate 3 frosted cupcakes spontaneous. Not always, but a lot of the time. New fun can be more fun than old fun, but not always but I’m always curious to find out. Wait… what was I talking about... Oh yeah… Monday…
So MONDAY the plan was to do gardening. That’s what I had thought out and planned. To plant our garden. I bought new seeds and new tiny shovels for the progeny. Monday morning I realized the error of my planning. That planting out ‘garden’ (about 5 planters) would take a total of 30 minutes if we took out time. Ahhh… hmmm… must improvise. And by improvise I mean put DVD’s on and hope they would sit there and be occupied until early afternoon when we’d go plant. I had actually planned a trip to the park with a picnic but for some fucked up reason it was COLD and WINDY Monday so umm… no. So after the first DVD got boring we spent the rest of the morning doing laundry and let me tell you, KIDS LOVE DOING LAUNDRY! Well not really, so the morning involved a lot of yelling and whining and cursing. Finally after short naps, we PLANT the GARDEN between gusts of wind. Now here’s the FUN part of the day! After planting the headache I’d had most of the day decided to become a MIGRAINE! Woohoo! I spend the rest of the evening shushing the progeny who are by now WOUND up and RUNNING WILD. I message K desperately begging him to make time go faster and get home NOW. He promised to take the offspring with him to his political thingy that night so I could feign death on the couch until I didn’t have the urge to vomit every time I moved. Eventually he got home and drug Chaos and Destruction off with him. The world improved. The end of Monday.
I’ll add more to this later… I need to go rinse my hair because I stopped mid paragraph and had to put color on my hair.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Part Two Of Day One In Hell
Okay, whatever, it wasn’t quite that bad. Especially after two bottles of Boone’s Farm. Then I just let the Tiny Terrorist play on the computer while I slept it off the rest of the day. It all worked out.
Oh put the damn phone down, stop dialing Child Protective Services. I didn’t really do that. I don’t have a damn drop of booze around here! Yeah I know, it’s a huge surprise to you. Most people think I’m hitting the bottle every day and after they meet my kids they are convinced I’m drinking most of the day… or is it that they are convinced I drank a lot while pregnant?... hmm… whatever, it’s all wrong But I digress… I was talking about the Tiny Terrorists… and our day.
Child Dangers
Today after my 6 hour nap (kidding!), I was playing with the Tiny Terrorists. They had all these fake gold coins left over from Super Girl’s party and had them on their table. I decided that I’d take them all (pirate *shrug*). They start squealing with glee and trying to stop me. But I have the bigger hands, so suck it kids! Cabbage Patch has this plastic box that she’s trying to put some coins in and I start grabbing the coins out of there also. Next thing you know it slips out of her hands and whacks me right in the middle of the forehead. Which they think is funny (it’s not, so stop laughing) and I think is painful. I tell them to stop hurting mommy and we keep playing. Fast forward a few hours, K is home and the Tiny Terrorists are in bed. I go in to the bathroom and as I pass the mirror I notice a reddish purple line down my forehead. Yeah, from the box. Thanks kids! That’s going to look really fabulous tomorrow. *eyes rolling up in head*
Okay, whatever, it wasn’t quite that bad. Especially after two bottles of Boone’s Farm. Then I just let the Tiny Terrorist play on the computer while I slept it off the rest of the day. It all worked out.
Oh put the damn phone down, stop dialing Child Protective Services. I didn’t really do that. I don’t have a damn drop of booze around here! Yeah I know, it’s a huge surprise to you. Most people think I’m hitting the bottle every day and after they meet my kids they are convinced I’m drinking most of the day… or is it that they are convinced I drank a lot while pregnant?... hmm… whatever, it’s all wrong But I digress… I was talking about the Tiny Terrorists… and our day.
Child Dangers
Today after my 6 hour nap (kidding!), I was playing with the Tiny Terrorists. They had all these fake gold coins left over from Super Girl’s party and had them on their table. I decided that I’d take them all (pirate *shrug*). They start squealing with glee and trying to stop me. But I have the bigger hands, so suck it kids! Cabbage Patch has this plastic box that she’s trying to put some coins in and I start grabbing the coins out of there also. Next thing you know it slips out of her hands and whacks me right in the middle of the forehead. Which they think is funny (it’s not, so stop laughing) and I think is painful. I tell them to stop hurting mommy and we keep playing. Fast forward a few hours, K is home and the Tiny Terrorists are in bed. I go in to the bathroom and as I pass the mirror I notice a reddish purple line down my forehead. Yeah, from the box. Thanks kids! That’s going to look really fabulous tomorrow. *eyes rolling up in head*
Day One Of Spring Break
AKA – Hell At The Hands Of The Tiny Terrorists
7:30 am – Awakened by small children gleefully screaming for my consciousness. Note to self, must explain to them that 7:30 am is not considered SLEEPING IN, it’s just considered waking up late.
7:35 am – Question offspring as to why she’s naked, look at her questioningly when she babbles something at me, then tell her to just get dressed as I walk to the kitchen to make breakfast.
7:40 am – Walk upstairs to ask K why he’s still at home since it’s almost 8 am!! Tell offspring to put on clothes again, tell other progeny to put the cat down.
7:41 am – Walk down the stairs while muttering ancient voodoo curses aimed toward K because he doesn’t have to be at work until 10:30am and he’s still SLEEPING. Consider sending offspring up to play with Daddy. Tell naked offspring to GET DRESSED NOW. Smack other progeny on the back of the head and free cat from her clutches amid her LOUD protests.
7:42 am – Remember breakfast when the smell of burning pancakes enters my nose. Swear loudly and run to kitchen. Announce that the black pancake is for DADDY with a giggle then wash out pan and start over.
7:43 am – Tell offspring they CAN play games on the lap top just so I don’t have to hear them scream at each other anymore or torture the poor cat. Decide that a towel wrapped around the naked offspring is close enough to clothes and go back to kitchen to finish making pancakes.
7:45 am – Tell offspring to start setting the table as I put rock hard margarine in the microwave for 10 seconds to soften it. Pour more batter in pan.
7:46 am – Remember now liquidified margarine in nuker, snap open door and proceed to spill half of the margarine in microwave, down my arm and on cooking pancake. Repeat the swearing loudly.
7:47 am – Tell offspring to set the table AGAIN. Flip more pancakes, wonder why they are sticking, curse self for not just making WAFFLES… or cereal… cereal would be made by now. Done. No standing in the kitchen. Ponder my sanity and lack of sleep due to preschooler in my bed at 3 am.
8:00 am – Threaten progeny into setting the damn table. Return to kitchen to get plates of pancakes and glasses of milk.
8:05 am – Remember bacon damn it! Start turkey bacon in microwave while eating pancake standing in kitchen.
8:08 am – Tell progeny to NOT TOUCH THE CAT with syrup on their hands.
8:10 am – Retrieve bacon from microwave – nothing like the smell of turkey bacon. Go to pass out the bacon and be shocked that pancakes are completely consumed. Whatever, return to kitchen for coffee.
8:15 am – Tell offspring to stop fighting and to NOT TOUCH MY COMPUTER with their syrupy cat fur covered hands. Tell them to pick up dishes in tone that makes them ACTUALLY do it. Return to kitchen for coffee. Think of how much I hate the school system for SPRING BREAK.
8:20 am – Remove cat from progenies’ hands. Absorb evil eye being directed at me from syrup sticky cat and tell offspring to take a bath. Return to kitchen for coffee… maybe it’ll get made this time.
8:21 am – Pick up explosion of clothes (and towel) in living room from excited for a bath progeny. Ponder why they aren’t still sleeping. Listen as they start the bath water. Take a moment to Hate K for still sleeping.
8:25 am – Pray the floor is dry in the bathroom as I go check on bath progress. See both offspring and the entire Barbie population in tub. Tell progeny to stop washing Babies’ hair with my body wash. Roll up eyes, walk out of bathroom to read news and drink coffee. Oh yes coffee! Must make coffee! Consider making voodoo dolls of school officials as retribution for SPRING BREAK.
8:26 am – Hear splashing from bathroom that fill my soul with dread. Walk back to bathroom and discover offspring and Barbies reenacting the sinking of Atlantis. Feel headache starting. Throw down towels to sop up mess, repeat threats to offspring. Head to laundry room for more towels.
8:30 am – Sit down to read news and curse school system for stupid fucking spring break.
8:40 am – After 5th trip to the bathroom to tell progeny to quiet down, remove them bodily from bath and instruct them to find clothes.
8:41 – 8:50 am – Repeat instructions to GET DRESSED. Repeat hating K for sleeping in. Repeat curses to school system. Damn Spring Break!
8:51 am – Remove naked offspring from banister and DRESS them. Consider Valium cookies for them. Consider heavy drinking for me.
AKA – Hell At The Hands Of The Tiny Terrorists
7:30 am – Awakened by small children gleefully screaming for my consciousness. Note to self, must explain to them that 7:30 am is not considered SLEEPING IN, it’s just considered waking up late.
7:35 am – Question offspring as to why she’s naked, look at her questioningly when she babbles something at me, then tell her to just get dressed as I walk to the kitchen to make breakfast.
7:40 am – Walk upstairs to ask K why he’s still at home since it’s almost 8 am!! Tell offspring to put on clothes again, tell other progeny to put the cat down.
7:41 am – Walk down the stairs while muttering ancient voodoo curses aimed toward K because he doesn’t have to be at work until 10:30am and he’s still SLEEPING. Consider sending offspring up to play with Daddy. Tell naked offspring to GET DRESSED NOW. Smack other progeny on the back of the head and free cat from her clutches amid her LOUD protests.
7:42 am – Remember breakfast when the smell of burning pancakes enters my nose. Swear loudly and run to kitchen. Announce that the black pancake is for DADDY with a giggle then wash out pan and start over.
7:43 am – Tell offspring they CAN play games on the lap top just so I don’t have to hear them scream at each other anymore or torture the poor cat. Decide that a towel wrapped around the naked offspring is close enough to clothes and go back to kitchen to finish making pancakes.
7:45 am – Tell offspring to start setting the table as I put rock hard margarine in the microwave for 10 seconds to soften it. Pour more batter in pan.
7:46 am – Remember now liquidified margarine in nuker, snap open door and proceed to spill half of the margarine in microwave, down my arm and on cooking pancake. Repeat the swearing loudly.
7:47 am – Tell offspring to set the table AGAIN. Flip more pancakes, wonder why they are sticking, curse self for not just making WAFFLES… or cereal… cereal would be made by now. Done. No standing in the kitchen. Ponder my sanity and lack of sleep due to preschooler in my bed at 3 am.
8:00 am – Threaten progeny into setting the damn table. Return to kitchen to get plates of pancakes and glasses of milk.
8:05 am – Remember bacon damn it! Start turkey bacon in microwave while eating pancake standing in kitchen.
8:08 am – Tell progeny to NOT TOUCH THE CAT with syrup on their hands.
8:10 am – Retrieve bacon from microwave – nothing like the smell of turkey bacon. Go to pass out the bacon and be shocked that pancakes are completely consumed. Whatever, return to kitchen for coffee.
8:15 am – Tell offspring to stop fighting and to NOT TOUCH MY COMPUTER with their syrupy cat fur covered hands. Tell them to pick up dishes in tone that makes them ACTUALLY do it. Return to kitchen for coffee. Think of how much I hate the school system for SPRING BREAK.
8:20 am – Remove cat from progenies’ hands. Absorb evil eye being directed at me from syrup sticky cat and tell offspring to take a bath. Return to kitchen for coffee… maybe it’ll get made this time.
8:21 am – Pick up explosion of clothes (and towel) in living room from excited for a bath progeny. Ponder why they aren’t still sleeping. Listen as they start the bath water. Take a moment to Hate K for still sleeping.
8:25 am – Pray the floor is dry in the bathroom as I go check on bath progress. See both offspring and the entire Barbie population in tub. Tell progeny to stop washing Babies’ hair with my body wash. Roll up eyes, walk out of bathroom to read news and drink coffee. Oh yes coffee! Must make coffee! Consider making voodoo dolls of school officials as retribution for SPRING BREAK.
8:26 am – Hear splashing from bathroom that fill my soul with dread. Walk back to bathroom and discover offspring and Barbies reenacting the sinking of Atlantis. Feel headache starting. Throw down towels to sop up mess, repeat threats to offspring. Head to laundry room for more towels.
8:30 am – Sit down to read news and curse school system for stupid fucking spring break.
8:40 am – After 5th trip to the bathroom to tell progeny to quiet down, remove them bodily from bath and instruct them to find clothes.
8:41 – 8:50 am – Repeat instructions to GET DRESSED. Repeat hating K for sleeping in. Repeat curses to school system. Damn Spring Break!
8:51 am – Remove naked offspring from banister and DRESS them. Consider Valium cookies for them. Consider heavy drinking for me.
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