Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Rude Awakenings

Evil Elmo

This morning I was awakened by the loud blaring singing of a certain red furry monster. My wonderful dreams of snuggles with my sweetie were interrupted by Elmo's Word at full volume. Let me tell you, absolutely NOTHING will wake you like the sound of Elmo singing. And believe me it's NOT a pleasant. Elmo can ruin a wet dream. Waking to Elmo is worse than waking to a smelly dog sleeping in bed with you. Worse than waking to find that someone drank all the milk and you've just poured a big bowl of CoCo puffs. Worse than discovering that someone drank all your beer. Worse than spilling tomato sauce down a white silk blouse. Waking up to Elmo will definitely get you awake quick though.

So ladies, have you ever considered douching with Lysol? No really, this is a serious question. Guys - would you go down on a chick who's been douching with Lysol? I mean it sure would take care of the smell, but fuck it's gotta taste awful!

Now I'm sure that you all are thinking "Why the fuck are you asking that???" Take a look at THIS AD - it's a vintage Lysol ad, and yes it's for real - here is another one.

Absolutely frightening.
Need a Laugh?

The Muppet Phenotypes
Personality Test

I just took this test. And this is what it said about me.

Wackiness: 50/100
Rationality: 48/100
Constructiveness: 56/100
Leadership: 80/100

You are an SECL--Sober Emotional Constructive Leader. This makes you a politician. You cut deals, you change minds, you make things happen. You would prefer to be liked than respected, but generally people react to you with both. You are very sensitive to criticism, since your entire business is making people happy.

At times your commitment to the happiness of other people can cut into the happiness of you and your loved ones. This is very demanding on those close to you, who may feel neglected. Slowly, you will learn to set your own agenda--including time to yourself.

You are gregarious, friendly, charming and charismatic. You like animals, sports, and beautiful cars. You wear understated gold jewelry and have secret bad habits, like chewing your fingers and fidgeting.

You are very difficult to dislike.

So, what do you think?
Garden Treasure

Glorious Morning Glory
Wildlife By The Creek

I love the butterfly, the purple flowers - I have no idea what they are, but they are pretty.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

The Dingos Ate My Baby!!!

Read It Here.

I guess dingos aren't considered a good family pet. Darn.
Decendents of Genghis Khan Get Free Meal!

Read this story, it's incredibly cool! I wish I lived in London!
Crazy Blogger

Blogger seems to be having some issues today. I've been having difficulty posting things or seeing things that I've posted. *sigh* Crazy thing. Can't really complain, it's free after all.
New Things In My Garden

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Snail Tank

So my fish tank is currently a 'Snail Tank'. As in I didn't drain if after the horrible happenings of Ragnorok (yes I know that's just lazy) and now there are lots of snails in it. Yuck. It's been kind of cool watching as the snails developed - that's part of why it's still not drained, I was fascinated for a time by the growing eco-system in my tank - but now I'm tired of the snail tank. Supergirl is not though. We found a snail last week. This is the exchange we had:

Me: Put that snail down, it lives outside, you can't keep it.
Her: No, I'm going to keep it.
Me: Put it down. It will die if you take it inside.
Her: Nah-ah. I'll put it in the snail tank.
Me: It's a fish tank.
Her: It's a SNAIL tank.
Me: No, I'm going to clean it out so I can have fish again.
Her: NOOOOOOOO! I want snails!
Me: No. (swatting snail from her hand and into brush)
Her: Hey!
Me: I'm going to get rid of the snails - end of story.
Her: You lost my snail!....

I want fish again. Granted the sails have been exceedingly low maintenance as in I haven't had to do squat and they just seem to keep living. Still, they aren't very exciting, they don't do anything and they aren't very pretty. But low maintenance. It's tempting to just get some SeaMonkeys to fill the tank with. I think Supergirl and Cabbage Patch would like that. Although I have a huge ethical issue with SeaMonkeys as they are the LAMEST pet available. All kids get them with the mistaken belief that they will be everything the colorful packaging promises. Disappointment follows as you watch them develop and discover they do not sing, dance or perform as the pictures on the package promise. I think I'll wait until my kids discover SeaMonkeys on their own. When they ask, I'll buy them for them and let them experience the childhood rite of passage of SeaMonkey Disappointment.

I think I better go clean my tank now. Anybody want a snail? Home grown.