Friday, August 20, 2004

We Have Bubonic Plague

Yes, yes, we have Bubonic Plague, B for short. Yesterday as K was walking up to the door he spotted the above pictured rodent skitter across our door step and under the wagon outside. He called me out to see and confirm that it was a gerbil. When he lifted the wagon the little rodent just sat there all wide eyed staring at us. Here comes the dilemma. What to do? I am a self professed gerbil disliker, but this little critter is obviously not wild and it's raining. *sigh* I can't leave it outside to get wet and snarfed up by a cat. I tell K to get something to put it in. The rodent and I stare at each other as K dashes inside to search for an appropriate container. I approach the rodent and extend my hand to which it walked half way into then decided to skitter off. I was appreciative for the rodent not biting me and giving me rabies, I pursued it as it went around the corner and scooped it up just as K was exiting with a suitable container and the Little People were descending the stairs. The little bugger was quite scared now with all the noise and commotion. I told K the container was too dirty to put the gerbil in, told the Little People to back off and quiet down and I grabbed their tea set container to put the gerbil in - hey it had a lid!

We anguished for a few moments as to what to do. We have two cats who would adore a little gerbil for entertainment and dinner. I'm planning on getting more fish in September so I'm not willing to give up the fish tank for a rodent. I fear stinky rodent smells in my house. Releasing it back into the wild was out of the question as it isn't a wild animal and would probably be an easy dinner for the many rodent eating critters in the area (cats, dogs, raccoons, snakes, etc.) - I could not bear the guilt from that. We headed to Pet Smart to procure the minimum of supplies for a gerbil. A small plastic cage/box, a small bag of food, a small water bottle and a small bag of bedding stuff for $13. Although EVERYONE else in my brood was looking at larger cages with toys, etc. I wasn't willing to purchase anything that even suggested that the rodent would become a permanent part of this household. If we find it's real owner I'll more than happy to hand it over. If it starts to stink I'm getting rid of it. If I just decide I hate owning it (kind of like my dog) then I'm getting rid of it. If my cat can't leave it alone and spends all her waking moments either plotting to get it out of the box or terrorizing the gerbil thereby causing it to develop a nervous condition, I'll get rid of it. I've explained to the Little People these points, I want them to understand that our possession of Bubonic Plague may be temporary.

Last night B spent the night in K's bedroom (heh, sounds like the lead into a bad gay joke doesn't it?) as my cat suddenly realized we had a rodent in a box on the counter. She figured it must be for her and jumped up to check out 'her' package a few times. I figured it was safer for the rodent to spend the night behind locked doors (and not in my bed room - that thing scratches and digs a lot and I'm a light sleeper, plus Sunshine spends most nights on my bed).

So now we tentatively have a gerbil. Bubonic Plague. Why the name? Oh, well I said in the car that since I was the one to run out into the cold wet grass in my bare feet and catch the little bugger I would be the one to name it. K didn't think my suggestion of Jesus was funny and refused to let it stand. Bastard. My decision, if it was a boy it would be Attilla and if it was a girl it would be Bubonic Plague. It's a girl, B it is.

Hard to believe that K is the first to bring a stray animal home and not one of the Little People.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Something Stupid For Today

Because I'm feeling rather unimaginative at the moment, I'll do "I say ___, you think ___." Using the following words respond with your first thought. You can respond with one word, a sentence, or just babble like crazy! Ready? Here is my answers.

01. protection - Trojan
02. twist - of lime
03. furry - What? I just waxed!
04. buck - stops here? Please?
05. purple - panties, I'm wearing them
06 wave - of emotion
07. flash - of lightening
08. pokey - is a stupid little clay horse
09. neon - lights
10. elastic - in my undies
11. chips - in bed suck
12. float - ice cream

Answer if you want, don't if you don't.
Amazing Outpouring

It’s raining here. Hard. This is hardly believable. It rarely ever rains this far into summer. It’s also 72 outside. 8 am, it’s raining and it’s 72 outside on August 19, 2004 in Dallas, Texas. Things are also still beautiful, green and growing outside. How odd. In any normal year it would be 8 am, sunny outside with no wind what so ever and it would be 98 outside with a metorological promise of it getting to 101 or 102 by noon, everything that once was growing would be dry and brown – aside from things that were obsessively tended by landscaping crews who watered on a carefully timed out schedule to keep things at an unnatural yet very appealing green lushness.

The rain is supposed to continue today and tomorrow with temperatures only reaching the mid 80’s. Looking at the 10 day forecast, there are only two days forecast with temperatures above 89. What happened to all that Global Warming stuff? I’m not complaining – the cooler temperatures are a nice change, but this just kind of makes that whole Global Warming thing hard to sell.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004


Today when Super Girl got off the bus one of the first things she did was to inform me that she did NOT have a boyfriend. I grinned and said 'Okay' as I took her hand to walk home.

Tonight just before bed time stories she looked at me and said "Mom, I have to tell you the truth" (which comes out as 'truff') to which I replied "Hmmm? About what?" then, with every bit of drama she could muster (which to be honest wasn't a whole hell of a lot as she was very tired from going to the baseball game the night before) and said "I do have a boyfriend." I couldn't help but smile. I asked if he was in kindergarten just like her and she replied that he is 5 also. She babbled on for a couple of moments about playing with him then said something about ANOTHER boyfriend! Yikes! It's only her second day of school and she's got two boyfriends??? I think I may have to save up to put her in an all girl's convent school when she get's close to hitting puberty. ;o)
Hair Raising Experience

Last night K took Super Girl and Cabbage Patch to a baseball game. I politely declined as I'd rather have eyes gouged out by my cat right after she exits the litter box than sit through 9 innings of baseball. (yes I do really dislike baseball that much)

Instead of the ever so thrilling jaunt to the Ballpark In Arlington, I opted for a nice bath with hair removing exercises. It was thrilling to be able to shave my legs (and all) with out the Little People turning the whole event into an Extreme Sport involving blood loss and swear words.

After a relaxing bath (actually just scrubbing and shaving - I really don't know what people do in the bath who linger for an hour or so... Well I do have some ideas and if I had a water proof BOB, I might linger for an hour or so also... But I digress) it was time to complete the hair removal process. This involved molten hot wax and pain, my pain to be exact. Thankfully my microwave is fixed so heating the above mentioned wax was easy. I prefer the potentially lethal hot spots of a microwave method over the potentially house catching on fire method of double boiler on the stove top. (really this is safest, I nearly burned my lunch today because I walked out of the room to pick something up and by the time I returned I fucking forgot I had put my sandwich in the oven to melt the cheese under the broiler.) After applying a thick coating of the searing wax to all the unwanted hairy areas (everywhere but my eyelids and lips really), I was delighted to see hairless ness. Well not really delighted, I was in near screaming pain with tears streaming down my wax encrusted self, but happy that my skin was left and the hair was gone. Ahhhh 4 - 6 weeks of without the unwanted hair (well probably 2-3 before the 5 o'clock shadow emerges again - my hair grows fast - especially the unwanted and unslightly kind).

And then to ad to the greatness of my evening, I spoke to XXX for a couple of hours. *sigh* What a fabulous sexy man. He definitely knows how to make me melt.
It's Official, I'm A Sap

Super Girl rode the bus this morning. I had tears sliding down my cheeks as I waved to her while the bus drove off toward school. *sigh* I'll probably get all teary when the bus arrives this afternoon to drop her off.

I really must stop tearing up at every moment, people are going to start thinking I'm the most ill adjusted parent in the school.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Day One

I suppose my child sacrifice to the evil gods of public education was accepted. Super Girl said she liked school. My fears were for naught. My anxieties just a good waste of trauma. My paranoia unfounded. As usual.

My progeny received a large envelope full of papers and crap intended for me to fill out and return to the High Priestess of Evi... er.. I mean teacher. I'm slightly irritated at having to fill out some of the paper work as it's duplicate crap of crap I've already filled out when I registered Super Girl and had to deal with The Attendance Clerk From Hell back at the end of June. Why do I need to fill this out AGAIN? Is the copy machine broken? Is this a test to make sure I'm not putting false information on the papers? Ugh, whatever, whatever, whatever. I'm determined to keep an open mind, a positive attitude and not become the parent everyone dreads to see approach the school. In order to do that, it is important for me to go with the flow. Find my zen about this public education. Be flexible, practice metaphorical yoga. Ommmmmmm... I will be a nice parent... I will be a nice parent... I will refrain from bitch slapping Attendance Clerk From Hell... Ack! Loosing concentration!

Anyway, Cabbage Patch was comical today. Every so often she would come up to me and ask where her sister was. Other times she was quite chatty, talking to me about anything and everything (Look! I find kangawoo! Look! I find teddy bear! Look! Piggy!). When she awoke from her nap she wanted to know where her sister was. It was cute.

We ventured out to the post office then to the school to pick up Super Girl. I arrived earlier than I had intended but got a good spot in the pick up line. So we waited, and waited and waited. School gets out at 3:30 pm and the line didn't start moving until nearly 4 pm! Super Girl was brought to me right about 4 pm and we got home at 4:10 pm. It was a pain in the ass to pick her up. Suddenly I was pleased that she would be riding the bus from now on.

Tomorrow a whole new set of anxieties and paranoias as I put my child on the bus to head to school. I'll update between breathing in a paper bag and scrounging for left over Valium in my pantry.
Funny Movies

This is too damn funny. Go, watch (all of them), laugh.
It Is Done

I have handed off my first born child to the absolute uncertainty of the public school system. Despite my pained and panicked look my eldest progeny wrenched herself from the death grip of which I held on to her as we waited to be recognized by the instructor. With the fearlessness she has possessed since birth she confidently strode into the room secure in her place, I was not anywhere near that. She bid us farewell with irritation in her voice as we had overstayed our welcome and she was ready to be at SCHOOL with out MOM and DAD and SISTER. K drug me from the room as I kicked and screamed something about loosing my baby while clinging to her seat. My composure was reinstated in the 'Calm Room' with the other hysterical parents. A tall cup of coffee, a Valium, a shot of Tequila and some commiserating with other tearful parents and I was good to go... Well that and being threatened with having the nice police man in front of the school come forcibly remove me from the premises... I chose to walk out without the shiny bracelets.

OK, a bit of an exaggeration. Super Girl was up right at 7 am this morning. No one even had to wake her, she was ready to go (think of the Sponge Bob I'm Ready song). She came into my room first thing this morning and announced that she was dressed for school (and quite proud of herself about it). I looked at her outfit, a pink and white sleeveless shirt with a kitty on it and blue tie-dyed shorts. I said "Uh no honey, you can't wear that to school. I thought you were going to wear one of your dresses." Thankfully she was more excited about her NEW dress than her outfit she had already put on. Breakfast was toast and jelly with milk (her choice), she was practically buzzing she was so excited about school. Every few moments she was trying to get us hurried along. She choose her pink dress to wear and her NEW lavender shoes. I sent her upstairs to get socks, she came down the stairs in bright turquoise socks. I said "Um... Don't you want to wear white socks? The blue socks won't match your dress." No, no she wanted the blue socks and decided to wear her denim dress to match the socks. OK, not really but sure to look better than the pink and white dress. She chose a hair bow thing that matched her socks and it all looked really cute.

Off to school. After feeding, dressing and fixing hair of both girls I dashed into my room and got dressed. Then it was time to go. A couple of pictures of Super Girl with her backpack on as we head to the car. Everybody in the car. I'm amazed at how smooth this is going. No major issues. We hit the road and Super Girl starts screaming at me that I'm going the wrong way to get to her school. Nice. She does this until we can see the school. Grrr...

To class we go. We wait in like behind another mom and new kindergarten, the whole time Super Girl is trying to wiggle out of my grip to push ahead into class. When it's our turn the teacher says that she forgot to get our family picture at meet the teacher night and takes our photo. Super Girl can barely stand still for the camera as she's so excited to start being a KINDERGARTENER. A few words with the teacher about busses and all and I'm feeling better about the teacher (I had a negative experience with her on meet the parent night). Super Girl finds her seat and is ready for us to go. Hugs and kisses later and she is practically giving us the bums rush out of the room. As we get to the hall way, Cabbage Patch realizes that we are going and Super Girl is staying and the water works start. She cries the whole way back to the car. I manage to contain my tears until I get in the car.

All went well, I'm sure Super Girl is having the time of her life. I'm still paranoid and teary eyed. I'm a mom. I'll be watching the clock and anxiously waiting for 3:15 pm - time to pick Super Girl up. Tomorrow will be a whole new batch of anxieties as she will be taking the school bus to and from school. I swear I'll have an ulcer by the time she gets to first grade - if not by the end of this week!

Monday, August 16, 2004

Distraction Tactic

Today Super Girl was getting in trouble for something (I can't remember, probably for not cleaning up toys or something), while I'm talking to her and she's giving me the 'whatever' look and trying to blame her sister for the offense, suddenly she looks to the side and says "Look! A hippopotamus!" It took every ounce of control and willpower to not start laughing. Maybe next time I'm getting a ticket I'll try that.
Another Delightful Surprise

Last night my dear brother called to wish me a belated happy birthday. It was very nice to talk to him and hear that everything was going well for him. I worry about him.

Also last night I got a message from a man I dated a couple of years ago. He is very nice man. Anyway, I hadn't talked to him since the beginning of February, he just wanted to know how I was doing. I sent him back a message that things were going well in my life, told him about my fabulous boyfriend, XXX. He sent back the nicest message telling me how happy he is for me and how he thinks I am a wonderful woman and XXX is a lucky man. Heh, made me smile to hear that. (yeah I'm all about being flattered!)
Squirrel Parts

I am part squirrel, flying squirrel to be exact. Actually all the women in my family are. I’m not sure when some crazy scientist started messing with the DNA of my family but it had to be at least a few generations ago. All of us have squirrel wings. They begin to appear after a certain age. It’s frightening I tell you. Especially frightening is the fact that the women in my family seem to favor sleeveless fashions – myself included. I’ve decided that instead of try to fight nature I will instead work to cultivate the long lost (by my family) art of gliding from tree to tree. I’m sure it will somehow be a useful skill to have someday. I figure that since I’m 33 now and am at the beginning stages of my wing development by the time I’m retirement age I will have an impressive set of wings and be an expert at gliding from tree to tree. This skill added to the fact that after I retire I plan to become the bearded lady will make me quite famous and a highly sought out carnival performer. Ahh some days it’s nice to know that genetics are on my side as far as the freak factor.
Weekend Surprise

Friday or maybe it was Thursday, K had informed me that B (his boyfriend) wanted to take me to dinner on Saturday night. I said okay.

Saturday I woke rather tired after not sleeping well due to my anxiety over Super Girl starting school tomorrow. Thank goodness for coffee. I worked a very long (and somewhat profitable) day on Saturday and didn't get home until after 5:30 pm. I was tired. I wanted a nap but I knew I was going to have to drive K and The Little People over to B's place. I was really really considering how to get out of dinner plans so I could get some sleep.

We arrive at B's house and when B opens the door I'm greeted with shouts of 'Surprise!' Seems K planned a little get together. Mystical D and her husband The Queen were there, a rarely seen friend Wil and his little boy where there and of course B, K and The Little People. Petey had to work and couldn't make it. The New Mrs. S and her Husband didn't make it - but Sunday was her birthday so they were probably out celebrating her b-day. The Bear did not make it, nor did Giggles as Giggles got engaged to The Postman the night before and supposedly The Bear, Giggles and one other person HAD to go out looking at wedding dresses. Huh? Is she getting married this coming weekend? What's the rush? Whatever. Doesn't even matter really. We had a lot of fun at the party. I'm not going to go into the details of all the food, the party games, copious amounts of booze, strippers, loud music, police at the door, balloons and midgets. It was fun. Things didn't wrap up until 1:30 am.

More Pressies for me! Mystical D and The Queen got me some Starbucks Breakfast Blend ground coffee, a tin of International Foods instant coffee and the cutest cow pen!

Thanks to everyone who attended, thanks to K for planning the party (WOW - after 10 years, you actually surprised me!) & thanks to B for letting us mess up his house and for making the cake. I had fun.