A askes is marriage a mistake? Is it possible to find a modern day Charles Ingalls Wilder, or are those sorts of people long dead and/ or fictional?
I don't think marriage is a mistake. Marriage is great when two people want to be married to each other. The mistake is marrying the wrong person or being unprepared for marriage. Despite the one major issue in my marriage, I do not regret getting married, and I still enjoy being married. I hope that someday I will marry again (a straight man this time). And the other question... well I have no clue who Charles Ingalls Wilder is but I suspect he is some kind of far too perfect television character. No they don't exist. That's fantasy, which is great for a daydream, but not for real life. Real marriages that are great have two people who have similar goals and belief systems, want to be partners and caretakers for each other and of course they love each other. There are a lot more things that go into making a good marriage, attraction, compassion, kindness, understanding, communication... I worked with a woman at H&R Block, she had been married for 26 years. We were talking about our partners once, she mentioned how when her husband walked into the room she still got all tingly just seeing him - just like when she first met him, how she still thought he was incredibly sexy. This is what I want. Karen had the perfect marriage. Her husband thought she was the most wonderful woman on earth and she felt the same for him. Sadly her husband passed away from cancer a couple of months after we had that conversation. He had a very fast moving cancer, they didn't know he was sick until it was too late. Still, she was blessed to have had such a wonderful marriage.
Friday, April 11, 2003
Totally Fucking Inconsiderate
It's just after 1pm and the person I've been waiting on is still not here. No phone call or anything. Damn. This is so irritating. I have things to do, but don't want to be interupted in the middle of doing them. Like cleaning out my fish tank... Super Girl decided to feed the fish LOTS of food the other day, not the tank is murky. Laundry, I need to get caught up. Painting and sewing - I have some things I want to do. But all of these things I would prefer to not have a 30 minute interuption right in the middle of. Damn people.
It's just after 1pm and the person I've been waiting on is still not here. No phone call or anything. Damn. This is so irritating. I have things to do, but don't want to be interupted in the middle of doing them. Like cleaning out my fish tank... Super Girl decided to feed the fish LOTS of food the other day, not the tank is murky. Laundry, I need to get caught up. Painting and sewing - I have some things I want to do. But all of these things I would prefer to not have a 30 minute interuption right in the middle of. Damn people.
A - I totally understand the party thing. I hate being invited to the home parties of any kind. I feel pressured to buy something even if I don't want ANYTHING. And most of the things offered at the home parties are SOOOOOO expensive. I do love the Pampered Chef things and am a total sucker for their stuff, so I stay far away from Pampered Chef parties. If the hostess of the party knows of your financial situation she probably engineered for you to win the door prize. Don't feel bad for not buying things you can't afford. My sister in law went to a Souther Living party not long ago and she ended up buying 2 cookbooks - rather expensive I might add - and the real kicker is that Vickie hardly EVER cooks. I think they would die of starvation if the microwave broke and all the fast food places closed. But she still bought 2 cookbooks - each about $30. I think these are the ONLY cookbooks she owns. Home parties make people do strange things.
The Crime Of Tardiness
I find excessive lateness in social situations to be a very annoying quality. If someone is waiting for you, you should make every effort to be on time. I also find excessive tardiness in business situations to be unforgivable. If I show up for say an interview that is scheduled for 2 pm, I expect to be in with the interviewer no later than 2:15 pm or 2:20 pm and I definitly expect to be acknowledge well before then. I bring this up because someone was supposed to be here at 10:30 am. It's almost 11:30 am and this person is NOT here and has not called. This is not a social call, this is a compliance issue am being ordered to do. Fine, no problem. I've made myself available for this person. But she's late, excessively so. And this is throwing off my schedule quite a bit. I've made cookies with the little people but I still need to finish my laundry, a chore I am putting off until she leaves. It's getting close to the little people's nap time as well... that is something I really do not want to push back at all. *sigh* so here I am, in a quandry as to what to do... soon I will need to make lunch for the little people and I hesitate to do so, as I don't want to have lunch mess around when she shows up. Anyway, I'm irritated by all of this. And not even a phone call to say that she would be late. Some people have no regard for others.
I find excessive lateness in social situations to be a very annoying quality. If someone is waiting for you, you should make every effort to be on time. I also find excessive tardiness in business situations to be unforgivable. If I show up for say an interview that is scheduled for 2 pm, I expect to be in with the interviewer no later than 2:15 pm or 2:20 pm and I definitly expect to be acknowledge well before then. I bring this up because someone was supposed to be here at 10:30 am. It's almost 11:30 am and this person is NOT here and has not called. This is not a social call, this is a compliance issue am being ordered to do. Fine, no problem. I've made myself available for this person. But she's late, excessively so. And this is throwing off my schedule quite a bit. I've made cookies with the little people but I still need to finish my laundry, a chore I am putting off until she leaves. It's getting close to the little people's nap time as well... that is something I really do not want to push back at all. *sigh* so here I am, in a quandry as to what to do... soon I will need to make lunch for the little people and I hesitate to do so, as I don't want to have lunch mess around when she shows up. Anyway, I'm irritated by all of this. And not even a phone call to say that she would be late. Some people have no regard for others.
The First Step Is Acknowledging You Have A Problem this is a thought I had a bit back, just now have the time to finish it.
I recently read about someone who's mother suffered a serious mental breakdown. She was hospitalized for several weeks and put on medication. She's doing better now thanks to the medication and therapy, but changed. All of this gave me reason to pause. Mental illness runs in my family. Most of it undiagnosed, but my sister will back me up on this. Our mother lived in a constant state of depression, I honestly don't think I ever saw her truly happy. Our grandmother has more problems than I can possibly list off. Our family is the typically mentaly ill family, we cover for the ones with the biggest problems and hide any abnormality from the public eye. This also makes some of us reclusive as it was eaiser to not be around others so as to not have to cover for someone or explain their behavior. I remember my wedding, my biggest fear that day was not that something would hold up the ceremony, or I'd spill food on my dress or anything like that, I was terrified that my grandmother would cause some horrible scene infront of all of my friends and new inlaws. I know at my sisters wedding she had a similar fear as an uninvited relative felt compelled to make a surprised appearance. they are all so messed up, it's eaiser to stay away from them.
Why am I thinking of all of this? Well I've been on Zoloft for about 8 months. I was having stress induced anxiety attacks and depression - symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. (I've always had problems with anxiety. I remember being 7 and having my first anxiety attack. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't know what it was, but I was well aquainted with my families issues and I knew it was best to just keep this to myself.) While I was taking antibiotics for strep I wasn't taking my Zoloft (for two reasons, both make me drowsy, I didn't want to compound that and I was vomiting at times so I didn't want to add extra medication to my already sick stomach). For a little over a week I didn't take it at all. Long enough for it to completly leave my system. Could I notice a difference? Yes, sadly I could. I noticed that I snapped at my husband and children more often. I notice some of the other symptoms that I had most of my life - I think it's called circular thinking - not being able to stop thinking about a traumatic or bad event, feelings of anxiety... I hate this. When my dr. perscribed the Zoloft she told me that it was only a temporary thing. That I wouldn't be on it forever. I was going through a tremendous amout of stress at the time and it helped so much, now most of that stress is gone, but I wonder if I'll be back where I started after I stop the Zoloft for good? I don't want that, I like the more peaceful Judy. But... I do feel as though some of the more passionate Judy has been dulled. I wonder if my art and creativity has suffered because of the medication, and if so, is it worth it? Please don't suggest counseling, I've done that for many years but never managed to feel like this with just counseling, infact every time I've been in counseling I've been told I should get on something, but never did. Now I wonder if I have tasted some kind of forbiden fruit. If I'm not to take this Zoloft forever, will I feel this peace without it? If not, then will I always wish for it? I honestly don't want to be tied to a pill bottle forever. Thankfully the Zoloft is not addictive. I want that peace, I want to quiet the disruptive thoughts, but I also want to feel that incredible passion for life. Part of me wishes I had never taken the Zoloft, that I would have done the usual, self destructive trying to tough it out alone - then I do wonder if I'd be much worse off mentally if I had. I hate admitting that I might have something that might be difficult to fix, that I have a seriously damaged psychie. I don't know that to do, continue taking the Zoloft or stop. I have a bit of time before I have to make the final decision... or should I say the decision is made for me. If hubby doesn't get a job, I may have not choice but to stop the medication. Anyway... I need to go to bed.
I recently read about someone who's mother suffered a serious mental breakdown. She was hospitalized for several weeks and put on medication. She's doing better now thanks to the medication and therapy, but changed. All of this gave me reason to pause. Mental illness runs in my family. Most of it undiagnosed, but my sister will back me up on this. Our mother lived in a constant state of depression, I honestly don't think I ever saw her truly happy. Our grandmother has more problems than I can possibly list off. Our family is the typically mentaly ill family, we cover for the ones with the biggest problems and hide any abnormality from the public eye. This also makes some of us reclusive as it was eaiser to not be around others so as to not have to cover for someone or explain their behavior. I remember my wedding, my biggest fear that day was not that something would hold up the ceremony, or I'd spill food on my dress or anything like that, I was terrified that my grandmother would cause some horrible scene infront of all of my friends and new inlaws. I know at my sisters wedding she had a similar fear as an uninvited relative felt compelled to make a surprised appearance. they are all so messed up, it's eaiser to stay away from them.
Why am I thinking of all of this? Well I've been on Zoloft for about 8 months. I was having stress induced anxiety attacks and depression - symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. (I've always had problems with anxiety. I remember being 7 and having my first anxiety attack. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't know what it was, but I was well aquainted with my families issues and I knew it was best to just keep this to myself.) While I was taking antibiotics for strep I wasn't taking my Zoloft (for two reasons, both make me drowsy, I didn't want to compound that and I was vomiting at times so I didn't want to add extra medication to my already sick stomach). For a little over a week I didn't take it at all. Long enough for it to completly leave my system. Could I notice a difference? Yes, sadly I could. I noticed that I snapped at my husband and children more often. I notice some of the other symptoms that I had most of my life - I think it's called circular thinking - not being able to stop thinking about a traumatic or bad event, feelings of anxiety... I hate this. When my dr. perscribed the Zoloft she told me that it was only a temporary thing. That I wouldn't be on it forever. I was going through a tremendous amout of stress at the time and it helped so much, now most of that stress is gone, but I wonder if I'll be back where I started after I stop the Zoloft for good? I don't want that, I like the more peaceful Judy. But... I do feel as though some of the more passionate Judy has been dulled. I wonder if my art and creativity has suffered because of the medication, and if so, is it worth it? Please don't suggest counseling, I've done that for many years but never managed to feel like this with just counseling, infact every time I've been in counseling I've been told I should get on something, but never did. Now I wonder if I have tasted some kind of forbiden fruit. If I'm not to take this Zoloft forever, will I feel this peace without it? If not, then will I always wish for it? I honestly don't want to be tied to a pill bottle forever. Thankfully the Zoloft is not addictive. I want that peace, I want to quiet the disruptive thoughts, but I also want to feel that incredible passion for life. Part of me wishes I had never taken the Zoloft, that I would have done the usual, self destructive trying to tough it out alone - then I do wonder if I'd be much worse off mentally if I had. I hate admitting that I might have something that might be difficult to fix, that I have a seriously damaged psychie. I don't know that to do, continue taking the Zoloft or stop. I have a bit of time before I have to make the final decision... or should I say the decision is made for me. If hubby doesn't get a job, I may have not choice but to stop the medication. Anyway... I need to go to bed.
Thursday, April 10, 2003
$10 To a Worthy Cause....
So hubby came in from checking the mail (yeah I know, it's in the middle of the freaking night). One of the things he brought in was a magazine that kind of highlights the comunity we live in. ON the cover was a hot hot hot firefighter - shirtless. Oh la la. I didn't read the article, I really couldn't get my eyes to focus on the words very long (more pictures of shirtless buff firefighters) - but just long enough to learn that these pictures of these hot hot men are in some kind of calendar that is being sold for $10 and all the proceeds go to charity of some kind, save the whales/kids/groundhogs.. I don't know, I don't care, I'll spend the $10 to look at this all year long... hell I might even use it for a couple of years. Actually I'm not even sure what year this is for - I don't care! I just want one (actually all of them - I have enough love to go around.)!! I just don't have a freaking clue as to where to get this calendar.... I guess I need to cover the pictures and read the words.... I will... really.... I will... later... ;o)
So hubby came in from checking the mail (yeah I know, it's in the middle of the freaking night). One of the things he brought in was a magazine that kind of highlights the comunity we live in. ON the cover was a hot hot hot firefighter - shirtless. Oh la la. I didn't read the article, I really couldn't get my eyes to focus on the words very long (more pictures of shirtless buff firefighters) - but just long enough to learn that these pictures of these hot hot men are in some kind of calendar that is being sold for $10 and all the proceeds go to charity of some kind, save the whales/kids/groundhogs.. I don't know, I don't care, I'll spend the $10 to look at this all year long... hell I might even use it for a couple of years. Actually I'm not even sure what year this is for - I don't care! I just want one (actually all of them - I have enough love to go around.)!! I just don't have a freaking clue as to where to get this calendar.... I guess I need to cover the pictures and read the words.... I will... really.... I will... later... ;o)
5 Weeks Of Nothing...
My husband is about to finish his 5th week of unemployment and no prospects in sight. I'm nervous. He does get unemployment benefits and I have started picking up extra days at work, but even with that our take home is still dreadfully short of what he was making. Not that he was making mega bucks but my job doesn't make much at all. I'm nervous and getting angry. It doesn't seem to me that he has been doing much to find a job. He didn't even get a news paper this week, and I don't know if he sent out resume's last week like I told him to. I'm very frustrated. When I was without work (this was before I was laid off from Nortel - when I got laid off from them, my plan was to stay home with my kids, so I wasn't looking then) I had the news paper every week, and every Monday I would mail off handfulls of resumes. I'd spend time calling and setting up appointments for interviews and I'd call head hunters and agencies. I don't see him doing any of this. I think maybe a few days in the beginning I saw him actively looking, but I haven't recently. Soon his severance will run out and there's no job prospect for him - that scares the hell out of me. I don't know if he's in denial about all this or if he just doesn't want to look. *sigh* I wonder if I was just being to opimistic by thinking he would have no problems finding a job. *sigh*
My husband is about to finish his 5th week of unemployment and no prospects in sight. I'm nervous. He does get unemployment benefits and I have started picking up extra days at work, but even with that our take home is still dreadfully short of what he was making. Not that he was making mega bucks but my job doesn't make much at all. I'm nervous and getting angry. It doesn't seem to me that he has been doing much to find a job. He didn't even get a news paper this week, and I don't know if he sent out resume's last week like I told him to. I'm very frustrated. When I was without work (this was before I was laid off from Nortel - when I got laid off from them, my plan was to stay home with my kids, so I wasn't looking then) I had the news paper every week, and every Monday I would mail off handfulls of resumes. I'd spend time calling and setting up appointments for interviews and I'd call head hunters and agencies. I don't see him doing any of this. I think maybe a few days in the beginning I saw him actively looking, but I haven't recently. Soon his severance will run out and there's no job prospect for him - that scares the hell out of me. I don't know if he's in denial about all this or if he just doesn't want to look. *sigh* I wonder if I was just being to opimistic by thinking he would have no problems finding a job. *sigh*
A - AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! YOU HAVE to tell what your having!!!! Don't leave me hanging!!!! hehehehe.... OK, OK, I know, it's YOUR secret and all... but I want to know... Actually I need to know... yes I do. Not just for MY personal sanity, but because I need to know so I can make some cute baby booties and little hat. Also, where are you going to have that baby?
3XThursday 4/10/2k3 : Sequential Art in Time - Judy's Answers Thanks to Jake for the questions (finally - something I can ANSWER!!!!)
1. What animated TV show or movie past or present do you totally love above all the rest. Why do you think that is?
I'd have to say it's The Wild Thornberrys. I identify with the main character Eliza. She loves animals, I love animals, she has red hair, I have red hair, she has glasses, I have glasses, she wears braces, I wear braces, she can talk to animals, I wish I could talk to animals.... Also it has a nice 'save the planet/save the animals' theme that really touches my heart. I've cried while watching this cartoon. I mean really really cried. The one about the African elephant just had me bawling, Super Girl kept asking "Why you crying momma?" I wish I could have grown up in that cartoon.
2. There are some animated shows that are such a dumb idea that I can't believe that people actually watch them or that studio executives actually put down money for these monstrosities. What animated TV shows really makes you want to change the channel and go wash your hands?
Pokemon, Dragon Ball Z, JJ The Jet Plane (kids show), any Tom & Jerry from the 1980's, Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries.... I could go on and on, I watch way too many animated shows...
3. If you personally were going to be written in as a new character in an animated show what show would it be and how would you get along with the existing characters?
Well I'd like to be in either The Fairly Odd Parents as a whacky Fairy God Parent related to Cosmo who screws things up on a regular basis. Everyone would love me but absolutly dread me doing ANY magic at all. OR I'd like to be on Wild Thornberry's as a cool animal that befriends Eliza.
Bonus Question for Comments: Who is the sexiest animated character of all time and why?
Hmmm.. from animation I'd have to say Super Man from JLA. Come on, it's Super Man, you really have to ask? From the comics I read (yeah I'm such a GEEK) it would have to be Aquaman. So macho, so noble, so hot or the last Green Lantern - Kyle, he was drawn very well. ;o)
1. What animated TV show or movie past or present do you totally love above all the rest. Why do you think that is?
I'd have to say it's The Wild Thornberrys. I identify with the main character Eliza. She loves animals, I love animals, she has red hair, I have red hair, she has glasses, I have glasses, she wears braces, I wear braces, she can talk to animals, I wish I could talk to animals.... Also it has a nice 'save the planet/save the animals' theme that really touches my heart. I've cried while watching this cartoon. I mean really really cried. The one about the African elephant just had me bawling, Super Girl kept asking "Why you crying momma?" I wish I could have grown up in that cartoon.
2. There are some animated shows that are such a dumb idea that I can't believe that people actually watch them or that studio executives actually put down money for these monstrosities. What animated TV shows really makes you want to change the channel and go wash your hands?
Pokemon, Dragon Ball Z, JJ The Jet Plane (kids show), any Tom & Jerry from the 1980's, Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries.... I could go on and on, I watch way too many animated shows...
3. If you personally were going to be written in as a new character in an animated show what show would it be and how would you get along with the existing characters?
Well I'd like to be in either The Fairly Odd Parents as a whacky Fairy God Parent related to Cosmo who screws things up on a regular basis. Everyone would love me but absolutly dread me doing ANY magic at all. OR I'd like to be on Wild Thornberry's as a cool animal that befriends Eliza.
Bonus Question for Comments: Who is the sexiest animated character of all time and why?
Hmmm.. from animation I'd have to say Super Man from JLA. Come on, it's Super Man, you really have to ask? From the comics I read (yeah I'm such a GEEK) it would have to be Aquaman. So macho, so noble, so hot or the last Green Lantern - Kyle, he was drawn very well. ;o)
L - No no! don't change a thing! Your not being mean and evil - your being honest. Pearl does sound like a complete moron, probably very nice, but dumb as a rock. I highly doubt you are the first and ONLY person to come to that conclusion, nor will you be the LAST person to think that. And Mr. Red Hot Chili Pepper, chances are many of his work mates have contemplated homicide because of him. Your not a mean and evil bitch, just a completly HONEST bitch. ;o)
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
Which Cancer Causing Agent are you?
hehehehe... that is so me... I am the SUN!!! Yeah Baby! Come Feel My Heat! ;o)
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
L - You are right about people sabatoging themselves. I worked with a man who had a bad bad habit of talking very loudly. You could hear him all the way down the hall, when I was on the phone people could hear his phone conversations in the cube next to mine. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had a rather filthy mouth. He would swear all the time and tell dirty jokes. Needless to say he had a number of complaints and even a few sexual harrassment complaints to HR from people who were 4 or 5 cubes down from him, but could still hear his crude language. Eventually your Neil Diamond-loving, male chauvinist pig will piss off the wrong person or enough people and will get the boot. When will your office be ready?
A - I am excited that you are going to have the BIG sonogram soon! I can't wait to hear if your having a boy or GIRL. Where are you going to have the baby? I never had the AFP test with my pregnancies. I didn't like the fact that it's not all that accurate. Regarless of the results I wouldn't have ever aborted my babies, so I felt it was a waste of time for me.
Shopping for summer clothes for kids... *sigh* I dread that, I need to do it for Super Girl - I have enough - more than enough - summer clothes for Cabbage Patch, things that Super Girl wore. I really need to sit down and sew some more summer clothes for the girls. I have the patterns, I have the fabric, I just need to do it.
A - I am excited that you are going to have the BIG sonogram soon! I can't wait to hear if your having a boy or GIRL. Where are you going to have the baby? I never had the AFP test with my pregnancies. I didn't like the fact that it's not all that accurate. Regarless of the results I wouldn't have ever aborted my babies, so I felt it was a waste of time for me.
Shopping for summer clothes for kids... *sigh* I dread that, I need to do it for Super Girl - I have enough - more than enough - summer clothes for Cabbage Patch, things that Super Girl wore. I really need to sit down and sew some more summer clothes for the girls. I have the patterns, I have the fabric, I just need to do it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)