Saturday, June 18, 2005

I Love Zombies!

Really I do love zombie movies. George A Romero is a cinema genius in my eyes. I'm so excited that he's putting out a NEW ZOMBIE MOVIE!!! Land of the Dead! Who wants to take me to see it? (k doesn't like zombie movies)

I got this in an e-mail off one of my groups. Quite funny to me.

how many orgasms have you had?

Sex in a boat -- oar-gasms.
Sex with a nerd -- dork-gasms. (Done that!)
Sex at the entrance to your house -- door-gasms.
Sex on carpet or linoleum -- floor-gasms. (carpet burns suck though!)
Sex at the supermarket -- store-gasms.
Sex at a Steven King Movie - horror-gasms.
Sex with a prostitute -- whore-gasms.
Sex with an accountant -- bore-gasms. (Bwhahahaha! Ain't that the truth!)
Sex while sleeping -- snore-gasms.
Sex with 'Arthur' - Dudley Moore-gasms.
Sex with cartoon donkeys - Eyeore-gasms.
Sex while broke -- poor-gasms. (That's me)
Sex with a lion -- roar-gasms. (Me again!)
Sex for hours and hours on end -- sore-gasms. (Yes, but it was FUN!)
Sex on a golf course -- fore-gasms. (what about a tennis court?)
Sex with a nymphomaniac -- more-gasms. (no comment)
Sex in a gold mine -- ore-gasms.
Sex with a dermatologist -- pore-gasms.
Sex with a politician - Al Gore-gasms.
Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers -- s'more-gasms. (kinky...)
Sex with a bullfighter -- toreador-gasms.
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword -- zorro-gasms.
Sex on the beach -- shore-gasms.
Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet -- smorgasbord-gasms.
Sex on a cruise ship deck -- shuffleboard-gasms.
Sex in Asia - Singapore-gasms.
Sex among the wonders of nature -- outdoor-gasms. (Always fun to find the leaves and grass in strange places the next morning)
Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can -- odor-gasms.
Sex on the way to the train -- 'All Aboard'-gasms. (HAHAHAHA!)
Sex that wasn't very satisfying -- 'There's the door'-gasms. (Been there to many times)
Sex in an adult theater -- hard-core-gasms.
Sex with someone who's not paying attention -- ignore-gasms. (hmmm does it count if it was ME who wasn't paying attention??)
Sex with a competitive partner -- score-gasms. (always fun)
Sex while flying -- soar-gasms.
Sex with a beloved partner -- adore-gasms. (the best)
Sex with a meat-eater -- carnivore-gasms.
Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo -- pompadour-gasms. (*snork*)
Sex with someone who's got bad taste in clothes -- velour-gasms. ('cept it was cords!)
Sex while traveling -- tour-gasms. (makes for great postcards)
Sex with a big dog - Labrador-gasms.
Sex with Beavis and Butthead - 'GonnaScore'-gasms.
Sex on stairs at the mall -- escalator-gasms.
Sex with three of your friends -- four-gasms. (no comment...)
Sex with a Norse God - Thor-gasms. (that I would like to try!)
Sex when resistance is futile - Borg-gasms (being assimilated was fun though)
Things That Make Me Laugh To Myself

AFTER I take 6 lovely photos of your lovely baby and you tell me that you only want it for the web, (meaning I just made no money off our transaction) ask me to take MORE photos and actually act surprised when I say no. *snort* Especially when the reason you want more photos is not because the ones I took of the baby are bad, they just don't show the freaking necklace well! WTF? It's not about the baby's clothes dumbass!

Back to work!

Friday, June 17, 2005

Terrifying Spider!

I'm sure you can see why this spider was so freaking scary. (It's not now that it's completly paralized by a thick coating of hair spray) I put my measuring tape next to it so you can appreciate it's enormousness*. Bow before me evil spider villans who invade my home! I have two cans of hairspray!!!

Ps... anyone out there want to come pull that off my bath mat? I really don't want to have to TOUCH it.

*the tape measure is on the cm side for dramatic effect.
Itsy Bitsy Spider

So this is funny... I was removing all the clothes from my bathroom, a spider crawled out and very nearly crawled ON MY FOOT! Sheesh! No consideration! So I did what anyone in a perilous position like that would do - I screamed like a little girl, dropped the shirt I was holding and dashed for the door. I composed my self, realizing that I would not be safe in the bathroom unless I took action to rid the room of the vile little beast. I grabbed the can of Rave hairspray (THIS is why I keep two cans under the sink folks, I never use hairspray for my hair only for spider/bug death) and headed into the room and sprayed the crap out of the little bugger. I didn't know if the little bastard was dead or not but he sure as hell was imobolized!

Later, I decided the internet needed to see a photo of the frightening beast that had put my life in jeopardly and how I had bravely saved everyone in my domicile, it was time for a photo. I went into the bathroom and nearly peed my pants when I did not see the spider in the place I had left it. A quick search revealed it was stuck fast to my bright red bath mat. My feelings of safety returned. I tried to take the photo but my bad, I hadn't charged my batteries!! So no photo... until later... yes, yes, that morbid, disgusting part of me won over the really creeped out girly part and I'm leaving the spider carcas where it lays so that I can take a photo and PROVE to everyone that it REALLY was scary and I'm not just a big baby.

Photo to come!

I had a long idiotic post that I was going to write yesterday evening... until K got home and told me he was let go. Yeah, it sucks. I had feared something like this would happen for a while - not for anything K did, he's a very good and reliable worker, but because his direct supervisor kept setting him up to be her scapegoat when she didn't do things. Sucks.

At any rate, I'm not really in a very funny or jovial moood. K is out as I type applying for unemployment and applying for jobs (good man got an appointment right away). He does have some leads, but any thing you hear of, let him know. ;o)

Well I need to go drink copious amounts of coffee and clean like a mad woman just to keep my mind off all this.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Something To Ponder...

Why doesn't Starbucks have a Coffee Truck like an Ice Cream Truck? Think of it, just driving through all the work places about 3 pm and all the office workers running out of the building like kids do when they hear that familiar music playing (hey my kids can hear it a mile away and start shreeking for ICE CREAM even though it only comes around here maybe 3 times a summer). Hell I know I'd love a Starbucks truck to come by here. Frappichino! Frappichino! I wanna Frappichino!
Getting Down With The Sickness

I'm feeling better, just a bit. Probably enough that I can be out in public and not frighten people. I have saved my voice for the most important moments today of SCREAMING at the offspring to STOP DOING THAT, which means I've pretty much been yelling at them all day.

I did however bribe the Tiny Terrorists into allowing me to get a short nap by allowing them to watch downloaded movie. This bought me about 45 frequently interupted minutes of nap time. Now I think I'll take a shower and see if that helps more. But while I was napping I had this odd dream that made me remember a conversation I had with someone while I was working as a temp. Ahhhh... working as a temp, it gave me such amazing opportinity to meet and interact with really weird people, but that I'll save for another time. Anyway, I met this one woman I worked with for about a week, I can't remember where we worked or what exactly we did other than we ended up in the GIANT file room a lot fileing crap the company felt was important or something, boreing, boreing, boreing. It afforded us a lot of time to talk though which is sometimes a bad thing. Within a few hours I realized this chick was WEIRD and by the end of the week I started to wonder if she was CRAZY, but I liked her, she was entertaing. She told me about her and her boyfriend. She didn't trust her boyfriend, she had found out 4 or 5 months into the relationship that he was a player (hmmmm sounds like a certain ex of mine) and he had a few other girlfriends which she did malicious things to make certain they knew of her presence and would get lost (it worked for her, but WTF, why stay with a man who starts the relationship under false pretenses??? Crazy, desperate woman). Anyway because she knew he was a player she didn't trust him at ALL. She devised this nasty little thing to do to him whenever she knew he had fucked around on her and sometimes just when he would piss her off. Seemed that every so often after she would spend the weekend with her man, he would end up sick. Nothing life threatening, just sick and misrable. She said she would usually do it on Sunday since she went home on Sunday and then she wouldn't have to deal with him being sick and he'd be all better by the time she came back over on Thursday or Friday night. I was shocked, but absolutly in awe of her as she had done this to him for over a YEAR! She said once she got really pissed at him (I think she said she found out about a new side girl friend or something like that) and she put something in his milk before she left so he was sick not just for a couple of days, but for the whole damn week. Mean, evil, crazy... but somehow I bet he deserved it. I sometimes wish I could be THAT mean. ;o)

Well enough, I need to shower and make dinner before karaoke.
The Gathering

I know, I know, I'm a day late - a dollar short too for that matter. Anyway, here are the photos from the first GATHERING. It rocked.

I met everyone at Lady Edana's house where the party was rocking the night before. Everyone was still in Star War's mode as they had gone to see the new movie earlier in the day. Lightsabers were still being crossed. It was funny.

Princess Edana

Help me Obi Wan, or else I'll have to kick all they asses by my self!

Darth John

Come to the dark side!

Dressin' In The Parking Lot

Makes it feel almost like faire!

The Enforcer

Ohhhhhhhh... scary! hehehe... not really.

Cute couple

Me and The Captain

How thoughtful of him to show up in garb to match me! Damn what a thoughtful and hot man.

Showing The Love

You too can feel this kind of love, all you need to do is give a bunch of tarts in a bar drinks! Woohoo! We all love Captain Morgan!


Have ya ever seen a more scurvy lot of rogues in yer life? If only I had been able to get them to sing "Cabin Fever".

Hot Boxers

The answer to the burning question of "And just what ARE you wearing under there?" I'm almost disapointed.


And what better way to end this post than with a hot picture of me!

There are more photos, but I'm going to make you ASK for the link to where they are.

The gathering was a huge success, I can't wait for the next one!

Now I'm off, not feeling well today, my voice is almost gone so I'll stop this and save what's left of my voice so I can yell at my kids. ;o)
Surprisingly Cultured

This morning the Little People put on A Midsummer Nights Dream themselves and have been watching with rapt attention. Somehow culture is filtering into their little heads despite having me as a mother. ;o)

Right now Super Girl is drawing pictures of the cat (this involves her picking up the cat every time Sunshine leaves - poor kitty) and they are very good pictures!

Alright... my proud mommy moment is over. I need to go lay on the couch now, I'm not well today.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

So Super Girl just says - to her sister who keeps jumping on her - "Stay away! I got gas!"

Earlier this morning Super Girl brought me a lovely collage of paper and crayon and told me everything it was. Right after Cabbage Patch comes up with a mass of paper scraps and glue and says "Look what I did?" I ask what it is and with a huge smile she says "Paper!"

Monday, June 13, 2005

*cue dramatic music*

All day Friday I was making plans for the party that night. My plan was to head to Shaz' place as soon as K got home and party. Well I didn't realize K had plans for ME to take him and the Little People to the train station so they could head over to B's house. Fuck. That's cutting into my dranking time! Okay, okay, new plan. Rush around finding clothes for kids and missing shoe, drive family to train station and dump them, head to store for pasta salad stuff, back home make pasta, pick up all important CAMERA and head to PARTY!!

I got there about 8 pm. When I got out of my carI was greeted by a chorus of 'DORK!' from the people on the porch - damn I love my DORK shirt! Most of the peeps were in the living room watching a movie.


I don't think she was drunk yet, just happy.

Get The Party Started!

As we all know, the party can't start until Shaz's boobs have made an appearance.

I headed to the kitchen to hang with the girls and start DRINKING! I started with a couple (4 or 5) Jell-o shots.


I moved on to some green concoction to drink and proceded to get fairly drunk.

Boobie Greeting

Here's me and Riot doing a traditional Drunk-Girl-Boobie-Greeting. Hey, what can I say, we were drunk and discussing BOOBS and boob size. Not long after that I discarded my bra and handed it to someones husband to take care of.

The Grail

Here's a dramatic BEFORE and AFTER shot of some Jell-o shots.

Twins Attack!

Things got all dicy when I got attacked by the twins!

Fur Bikini

And since we were so BOOB focused that night, I got Lerxst to show off what I fondly refer to as his Fur Bikini (a little hair on the nipples and a tiny patch in between).

Crotch Brownies

Man I can't even explain this without it sounding realy fucking perverted! But let me tell you, those brownies were GONE by Saturday.

Lick It!

Seems the plan for the frozen peach wine did't work out as planned. Kind of exploded in the freezer! Can't let that go to waste - it's good! No dawg, don't make that face, you know you want some now and you KNOW you would have been licking it off the door just like the rest of us drunk mutha fuckers.

Don't Waste It!

Yeah we ate it up off the floor too. 10 second rule, it was okay.

My Sustah an' Me

Look at that, two Ghetto Princesses!

I Am A Jedi Knight

Oh yeah baby! That sword light up and VIBRATED when you hit it. VIBRATED!!! I so need me a lightsaber. I guess I'll have to continue my Jedi training with my compact version of lightsaber that I like to call BOB.

It was a VERY boob filled night, there was flashing of boobs on the porch (I have photos, no you can't see them), tweeking of nipples and grabbing of boobies in the kitchen. And hell that was just MINE! ;o)

Well anyway, it was a FABULOUS party. I finally turned in at 1:30 am or there abouts. Thanks to Captain John and The Wife for letting me crash in their camper as I was far to drunk to drive - sorry I left you without a bed partner Shaz, but it was LOUD in the house. hehe. Amazingly I got up right at 6:30 am and headed home to get ready for work.

Enough about the party for now, I'll write about Saturday tomorrow. Enjoy the photos (stop thinking about boobies), I need to go practice my Jedi moves. ;o)

We interupt this regularly scheduled post about the kick ass party and gathering and a posting of fablous photos to deal with RODENT PROBLEMS. My mouse broke last night and luckily K had a ancient Flinstones style mouse (even has little feet underneath) so I can post, but the fucker is all weird and it's making editing my photos take FOREVER (took me an hour to fix red eye on two photos!!!). So todays mission is to drag the kids to the store in a few moments and procure a NEW MOUSE... maybe even a new keyboard since I messed up the shift key on the left side with a coffee incident. ANYWAY- STAY TUNED! Awesome photos to come! Party details! What a rockin' weekend it was!