Saturday, June 04, 2005

More Dribbles

This is my last tiny break between apointments that I'll bet, so this is the last piece of nonsense I'll be writing.

So yeah, the cookies are rockin' my world again, and not in a good way. Fucking heartburn. Damn evil cookies.

The clock in this room is ticking but it's stuck on 4:01. I'm not sure how long it's been stuck like that, but it's kind of odd that no one has fixed it. When the batteries finally die it won't bother me... but I won't be in this room so it won't matter.

Yesterday we went shopping at the SUPER WAL-Mart for groceries. We spent about $80 for the next two weeks. That rocks.

I'm in a delima, I need a swim suit. I have a toobing trip that I'm going on the end of the month and I need a swim suit. I'm seriously opposed to myself in a swim suit, but I'm commited to buying one. I haven't owned a swim suit since I was like 13 or 14. I need help.

Well back to work.
Dribbles From My Brain

Some people need a slap. They have no right to be irritable if they tell me to come back after I sechedule everyone else and give them the last appointment and when I do be all pissy because it's not a time you like. SUCK IT!

One of the nurses made some cookies, I'm not sure what they are but DAAAAAAMMMN! They are rockin' my world! And I only ate one. Yeah, I know I need to get out more if a COOKIE is rockin' my world - it's a GOOD cookie though. And don't worry, I'm not going to turn to cookies for my sexual satisfaction (I have BOB and friends for that), I've got 4 offers for *ahem* company, I'm just trying to decide who to pull out of the stable for a ride (I'm only selectively slutty). And I have to say Marine is looking like the winning contender at the moment. He's HOT, HOT, HOT and REALLY GOOD. I've cleared my conscience also by consulting with a couple of friends who assured me it's quite alright for me to hook up with him just because he's HOT, HOT, HOT and just for a BOOTY CALL. (and for long time readers this is Marine from way back when, he's been talking to me lately, wanting a hook up)

I'm in an odd mood, kind of melancoly at times and mostly just content. An unexpected note and package from someone left me nostalgic for the past and brought up some hurts. *sigh* I'll be fine, I'm sure a little military company will help my mood. ;o)

Back to work now!

Friday, June 03, 2005

Cursed Toilet From HELL!!!

If I thought a voodoo doll of a toilet would work, I'd be sewing right now! Curse you EVIL TOILET!

When I entered my bathroom I discovered that the ENTIRE bathroom had been flooded by the overflow. Seems that a normal average adult response to an overflowing toilet is to a)back away in horror and disgust, b)pray it does NOT actually overflow and c)grab as many towels as possible and throw them on the floor to soak up the mess. BUT it wasn't a normal average adult in the bathroom when the toilet decided to refuse to accept the offending matter in the bowl. No it was the Tiny Terrorists. And what Chaos and Destruction did was none of the above. Here's what happened. After Cabbage Patch used the toilet she flushed the toilet (I should give her points for doing that) and instead of the water swirling around and wooshing down the drain, it just continued to rise, in response to this event Cabbage Patch did the unthinkable, she FLUSHED AGAIN! This resulted in a waterfall effect as the water cascaded over the rim of the toilet and splashed down on the floor. Super Girl seeing this did what any 6 year old would do and started screaming "Mamma! Mamma! Mamma!" (which is actually a rather normal occurrence around here) to which I replied "WHAT?" (in a somewhat irritated tone as I'd heard that litany of my name at least a hundred times this morning and figured they were probably fighting over the toothpaste or a barbie or something equally as IMPORTANT), the reply I got was "The toilet overflowed!" I yelled something to the effect of throw down towels as I gulped the last of my coffee and headed for the horrors that awaited me.

I expected water on the floor, not the flood that reached the door that greeted me. I started barking orders to Chaos and Destruction as they alternated looking amused and absolutely bewildered. More towels NOW! Go get a garbage bag NOW! Fetch the plunger pronto! It was time to get down and do battle with THE TOILET OF DOOM!!! I tossed towels down to soak up the biohazard covering the bathroom floor as I sloshed my way to face off with the vile beast. With Super Plunger in hand, I stared down into the mouth of the beast and muttered curses, vowing to exorcise the demons it contained. I plunged with purpose and when I thought it was safe, I stepped back and pressed down on the handle, praying for the swirl-swirl-woosh of a flushing toilet. But NO! The Evil beast spewed more liquid at my feet - which I quickly tossed my remaining dry towels on to avert anymore of a flood into my bedroom. I cursed aloud this time! I would not be beaten by a Demonic Toilet! With fire in my eyes and a renewed purpose I lunged forth with my Super Plunger in hand! I Plunged with force and fervor! I plunged with purpose! And finally I heard it, the noise I had been waiting for, a soft gurgle-gurgle and then the bowl emptied. Not quite trusting the deceitful toilet, I quickly gathered more DRY towels and slowly pressed down on the handle. Swirl-swirl-woosh. I had done it! I vanquished the evil toilet demons! The blockage from hell was gone! I could now flush!

Now, I have the added pleasure of washing ALL THOSE toilet water soaked towels and sanitizing my bathroom. Thank goodness for Clorox bathroom cleaner and a few hundred Clorox Cleanup wipes. I'm off to clean until a)I pass out from the fumes or b)the skin on my hands dissolves from the chemicals. What the hell, it will be clean though.
Strange Conversation

And so you don't think I'm in a totally pissy mood (which I am), I just had this conversation about cleaning out the gerbil cage:

HER : you should teach super girl how to do it
ME: *sigh* that's funny
ME: I'd end up with two dead rodents and one happy cat
HER: hehehehe
HER: well, that would solve one problem them
HER: then
HER: no more rodents to clean up after
ME: lol
ME: no no no
ME: I like my lesbian gerbil couple
HER : hahahah
HER : lesbians huh?
ME: I'm only speculating, they could just be really good friends

I'm open to all lifestyles, ya know.
Fun For Me!

What a great fucking day it's been so far! I've had the fabulous opportunity to clean the kitchen before ever making breakfast, done two loads of laundry and NOW I get to go mop up the water on the bathroom floor which is there because Cabbage patch over flowed the toilet. I love my fucking life. I love my fucking life. I love my fucking life.

Well I'm off to clean my bathroom before I get to cleaning the rest of this pig sty since we have people over tomorrow. If any of you REALLY love me, you'll consider taking up a collection for a MAID for me... or maybe just a collection so I can get some of those $15 boobs.

Now to go call on the gods of cleaning, Clorox and Lysol.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

The WTF Moment Of The Day

To pick up the phone and hear "Hey! Ya'll have to come to Lubbock and see my debut as a drag queen!" Then have him go through the list of things he's gotten off Ebay and hear him rave about his $15 boobs.

No he's not gay, yes he is a freak.

The only lingering question I'm left with is "There's a gay drag bar in LUBBOCK???"

Asshole, he could have done this when he lived in Dallas, not like I can drop everything and head to Lubbock for a drag show.

Off to search Ebay for my own set of $15 boobs... or is that BOBs?... ;o)
Searching For Small Items

My nipples just attract people to them. I had to steal this picture off Selena's album.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Mandatory For Cat Owners

If you have a cat, by this. I need this. My birthday is August 11, buy this for me.
Scarby Recap cont'd.

So Memorial Day Monday was probably the best damn day of faire ever. No, no, that's not true, the day that I managed to stay drunk most of the damn day was probably the best, but THIS came in a close second. The gay husband accompanied me to faire along with the progeny. So we played a game of pass the kids through out the day. The weather was absolutely PERFECT. Not to wet, not to horribly humid (though I did have bad hair) and not too hot. Those of you who went Sat & Sun but skipped Monday screwed yourself out of the best day! Neeener neener neener!

ED Crew

Man, aren't we the hottest bunch of pirates you've ever seen? Yeah I know we are. It only took like 20 shots to get this. hehe WAY to many cameras there.

My Favorite Fish

Dorry! I love Dorry! She helped find Nemo!

Double Your Pleasure

Double your fun! Oh yeah baby. I kilt checked them both, I can attest that they dressed EXACTLY alike, and that Sable shaves. HER LEGS you perv! Sheesh! (She gets a bikini wax for the rest.)

Patriotic Boobies!

My gawd, who wouldn't salute that!

Pouty Pirate

Can you freaking believe I gave birth to something so damn cute??? Somebody give me an insulin shot quick!

Good Wholesome Fun

It wouldn't be faire for the Little People without Captain John lovingly putting them in mortal danger.

Instead of going through a play by play, I'll just hit the high points & all for the weekend:

Seeing my fabulous friends! I'm so glad I met everyone! I totally regret that a certain someone discouraged me from joining the Ren community. I understand why, but come on, what an ass! The people I've made friends with are so amazing and care so much, I feel like I've won the lottery on friends. Okay, enough sappy sentimental shit...

Hearing from people how lovely Lady Mara looked in her dress.

Watching Koolagh propose to Badra. I swear I got all teary.

*content removed*

Loki in the morning, Loki in the afternoon, Loki in the evening. Thanks Wynde! I had a buzz for most of Monday! Woohoo!

Seeing how cute my progeny looked in the garb I made then JUST THAT MORNING. Yeah, I rock.

Waffle House trucker dinner on the way home. Gawd damn nothing is better after a day of walking faire and not eating than to replenish with steak & eggs, hashbrowns (with cheese, tomatoes and mushrooms) and a side of hot buttery grits. Yes I did eat all that, I was HUNGRY.


Oddly enough on both days I had an ex and their new significant at faire. It was inevitable that people would make snarky comments to me. I was amused. Since I'm bitchy deep down, I'll post them, since I'm not completely MEAN I won't say who they were about and since I doubt either of the people these remarks are directed at read this blog, it really doesn't matter.
"Oh dear gawd, what does he see in (nameless person)??"
"Yeah well I've talked to (nameless person), the lights are on, but nobody's home, if you know what I mean."
"Oh dear, they aren't very attractive are they?"
"What the hell is wrong with (nameless person)?" (I dun know)
"Ya know, they deserve each other."
"What did you ever see in him?" (I'm not sure, pity maybe?)
"Shit! You can do better than that!" (I already have! And it was Goooooood!)
"*snicker, snicker, snicker* You've got to be kidding?"
"Wow, talk about him being desperate. (breaks out into evil laughter)"
"No really, THAT is his lover? *snickers*"

Other Snarkiness

The amount of men in tights with BAD bulge was shocking. What is bad bulge? A man who is too hefty to be wearing tights but still stuffs himself into a pair thus creating the unsightly and traumatizing BAD BULGE. If a man has a DUN LAP (as in his belly done lapped over his belt), he has no business wearing tights. There should be a LAW against that. And the worst offenders seem to truly believe they are STUDLY and HOT and will complete the BAD BULGE look with NO SHIRT subjecting the innocent (and not so innocent) public to avert their eyes at the retched sight of way to much wiggly, jiggly man flesh and generally their wee little pleasure pen pressed tightly up against the ever so over stressed fabric that one can tell the mans religion if one were so inclined to do so and not retch. My friends and I were discussing how BAD BULGE should be obliterated from the faire and how exactly it should be done. It involves gasoline and matches, so I'm in! Bwhahahahahahahahaha!

And with that, I'll end this horrid bitchiness and return you to the normal brain damaging content.
Scarby RecapLittle People with the Gypsies

So Sunday was my first day at Scarby for the weekend. I had to work so I didn't make it there until after 2 pm. My kids were already there having gone with Uncle Petey as their daddy wanted to go to some stupid gay barbecue and could not wait for me to get home from work - which I did NOT want to be at but ya know, bills don't pay themselves. SO, I was a bit on the HOMICIDAL side when I got there, not towards anyone there, he was after all still with his boyfriend and therefore SAFE (for the moment). After a search of the grounds with the help of Wynde, I managed to locate the Little People and Uncle Peter - luckily not too much havoc had been wrecked on Scarby.

With homicidal feelings till nestled close to my heart (to keep them warm ya know), I relieved Uncle Peter of his duties (although he did offer to keep them for the rest of the day, I politely declined as having my offspring with me would keep me from drinking with complete abandon or trying to purchase a weapon to present their father with later that night).

With The Gypsies

I TRIED to sell them, it didn't work. Damn it!

Captain John is the BOMB!

Their blind admiration for Captain John is almost frightening... Almost... I know I can use it to my advantage at some time. Bwhahahahahahahahahaha....

Hit him HARDER!

Okay, well who wouldn't love a man who ASKS you to hit him HARDER! hehe... Okay, I'll stop right there on that one.


He's not so scary! Unfortunately I snapped the photo too soon so you don't see the smoke. *sigh* Me and my premature shutter, I heard there are drugs for that.

Crazy Man

And what day at Scarby would be complete without Captain John doing something mildly dangerous with my progeny? They LOVED it. They worship him.

Unfortunately my homicidal tendencies had subsided by the time I left the faire, only briefly to be reignited on the drive home - but not directed toward K. I made it home, dunked the Little People in the bath (mud, mud and more mud) and headed to bed.

well that's about enough for now. I'll post more highlights from Monday (which was the BEST day) and many snarky comments that were heard. More to come - Nipples, double trouble, naked butts, Loki, ex's, swords and a bug bite under my boob! I know, you can't wait. Go on and get your popcorn, I'll wait for you.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005


Well it's over, which is kind of sad. I'm tired though. Much to write about, booze, nipples, fairies, big dog, double vision, kids, gay husband, Captain John... much to write. I'm tired though. I need a 3 or 4 hour nap. So... look at the photos and when I'm back from my snooze, I'll fill you in.

Here are the photos from Sunday and here they are from Monday.

I will say that the weather was ABSOLUTLY perfect on Monday. Sunday was okay, but so humid and nasty at times. Anyway... off to nap.