Saturday, October 01, 2005

Saturday Night Special
Cock Blocked Clubbin' Night

Whew... I'm at work and I'm tired, not so tired that I can't function, but tired enough that when I SIT down, I imediately start thinking about NAPPING. Fuck. It's a damn good thing that my job requires me to walk and stand a lot. I'm fine if I have to deal with people and keep talking and walking and standing and taking photos and all that happy crap, but the moment I STOP, well my body wants to STOP. But to be honest I'm kind of always like that, I have to constantly be doing something to not just fall the fuck asleep... I wonder if it's just me finding the world so damn boreing that makes me so sleepy. Eh, probably my brain cell killing activities from high school and college coming back to haunt me.

ANYWAY... I didn't intend to post about being sleepy, my sloth-like brain or needing some action to not just fall asleep or work and how I'm irritated that I'm not working at this moment and not for another 10 minutes because my appointments are fucked and that's giving me a lot of lag time between which sucks and makes me all tired and BORED! Or even the fact that I've called the numbers of people I have on the Cell Phone (which admittedly is all of 2 people) and both people are too busy to entertain me during this trying time of WAITING, WAITING, WAITING (I hate waiting, you really should see me at an amusement park, I'm psychotic.). Damn you both. Oh yeah... back to what I AM writing about, the club. So the whole day for some people just sucked and didn't go as planned and because I was going to the club with them, it altered my clubbin' plans with them and effectively cock blocked me for the night. Not that I WASN'T already because of Super Absorbency, but hey, I can DREAM. Doesn't really matter anyway, the club kind of sucked last night, the DJ was trying to hard with the mix and it sucked, not a lot of hot men at the club, the only guys looking were the CREEPY ones making me resort to trying to convince the creepy ones that I was with someone's man (it worked). Snazzy Seg was GAWD AWFUL late to the club also. And we didnt' even stay until closing (like usual) or go to Taco Cabana for the After Clubbin' meal. It just didn't seem right, might as well get the car early and head home. I wonder if it my outfit was off and that ruined the VIBE for the night? Hmmm... probably not! But I did opt for the black boots unstead of the cool ho boots... could it be the boots? Could I be insane? Could I just need sleep? Yes, Yes, And YES! So yeah, nothing happened, not horrible night, but not AS PLANNED and damn it! I wanted what was PLANNED!!!

Other Stuff...

Today I glanced at a calender here at work and realized that The High Holy days are near and I didn't even realize it. Oy gevalt! It's a good thing D got me a new Jewish Cookbook the other day! I need to start baking! There goes my diet.

Ah... off to work... finally...

Friday, September 30, 2005

Cookie Porn

I bought a bag of Animal Cookies for my kids today and was SHOCKED! SHOCKED I tell you! By what I found inside. Two cookies fornicating! Obscene i tell you.

Okay... whatever, I'm off to eat my fucking cookie and finish sewing.
Pirate Booty! Arrrgh!

I just picked up the kick ass Pirate Panties at Wally World. Not that I actually NEEDED them but I had to have them and I figured I could spare $3 out of my clubbin' money to have them.

So last night and this morning I had planned to post a long maudlin post about crap in general but luckily for you, the wee one deleted it whilst I was away from the computer. Probably for the best anyway. The only cool thing I said was that somedays I feel like I'm running at breakneck speed with very sharp scissors in my hands... Or at the very least a couple of pencils with very sharp points. And I made a reference to a warning label - Caution: Small objects may pose choking hazard! That made me laugh and think of an exboyfriend of mine and his small object... Although, honestly that really wasn't a choking hazard. No, no, never choked on that for sure. eh.. um... Whatever.


This morning K stayed home. He has a retched migraine. Last night he went to B's for dinner and fucky-suckey and came home feeling ill. I guess it was something he ate.

K has been medicated and is not conscious currently. I took Cabbage Patch with me for a quick trip to Wally World. I figured a trip to Wally World would at least distract me from the weird maudlin mood I was in. On the way to Wally World I got all freaked out because there was a cop and for some reason it got me all panicked that he would pull me over and me and my 4 year old would end up in jail getting coordinating jail-house tat's. I pulled onto a side street as the cop passed me with narry a look and told myself how insane that thought was and cursed PMS and then wondered if I needed to be back on mood altering pharmaceuticals despite what Tom Cruse recommends, then headed on to Wally World for the JOYS of WALLY WORLD! And today it really WAS a joy.

As I mentioned, I was feeling like a bit of a whack-job today. Today was SAMPLE day at Wally World. Which was a complete surprise and delight to me as I love Sample Day at the grocery stores and I had no idea that Wally World did Sample day. The offspring and I sampled tasty French bread and sugary cereal as we shopped and for some reason I felt calm and at peace with the world, I attributed that to the calming, peaceful effects of free CARBS. In the check out line, I somehow got a competent and somewhat friendly Wally World Cashier - and as we all know that RARELY happens, if they are competent they are usually as mean as a sexually frustrated pit bull and if they are friendly they are generally about as smart as a box of rocks. Today I thought for certain I was in for the silent, sullen yet overwhelmingly competent older checker until I pointed out that my tomatoes were supposed to be $.99 a lb. Then it happened... He was totally and completely nice as he fixed the price for my produce! At that point I completely forgave him for his badly positioned, ugly and quite obvious toupee perched upon his head like a flattened opossum clinging to his scalp. I left the store with a smile on my lips and a brand new pair of pirate panties in my bag. On the way home I wondered how it was possible for me to have had such calm and peace from a trip to Wally World but I was thankful. Once home I realized that my sudden mood change and tranquility had nothing to do with shopping and had everything to do with the end of PMS. Yup, two words for my future Super absorbent. *sigh* Club night even.

Cock Blocked

So yeah, I know I just made all the men in the know involuntarily cringe when they read Super absorbent (and you probably did it again just now), sorry 'bout that. Of course this means that I probably won't wear my NEW Pirate Panties tonight to the club. It's not like anyone will be seeing them and come on, they are NEW, this is no time for NEW panties. It also means that my devious plan to seduce previously mentioned friend who I am lamely borrowing DVD's from will now have to be down graded to something much less interesting and sexually satisfying. Maybe I'll ask him out for coffee (or ice cream like Mike suggested)... Or more likely I'll do nothing except borrow more DVD's and kick myself for being such a chicken shit yet again. It also means that I'll have to cancel the wild sex party planned for this weekend - I just hope that if I call and cancel the 2 dozen midgets for the party that I can get my deposit back. Damn it, damn it, damn it. My nearly nonexistent sex life was just starting to look like it might exist again even for a brief moment of extreme and intense activity.


(I'm sure you are all happy to have me change the subject from my sex life or my reproductive cycle.) D's man has put her up in a suite at a lovely and expensive hotel. This place rocks, I need to have a big drunken keg party in her suite sometime - kidding, kidding D! You know I'd never do that! (I'd have the big nasty sex party with the 2 dozen midgets and a donkey) Anyway, she's had an issue with getting yogurt. Seems that when she meanders down for her breakfast, there is NEVER any yogurt for her. When she asks the rude girl always tells her they don't have anymore. EVERY DAY. She once sent Toast up to ask for yogurt and the girl politely scurried off to fetch him a carton of yogurt. D watched and noticed that if a male executive type requested yogurt, the rude girl would get him some, but when D asked, she was ALWAYS told there was no more. Today was no different... Except... D had a moment... A moment she and I like to call a Wally World Moment. She went all ghetto and ethnic on Rude Girl's ass and caused a scene that attracted the manager who fetched D some yogurt and promised her it wouldn't happen again (you know he did after she reminded him that Toast prepaid $3,000 a month for 4 months her to stay there and be taken care of). Now she's happy, she got her yogurt and Rude Girl got her walking papers.

Well I better go do stuff now, I need to catch a short nap before I head back to the sewing machine. Hope you enjoyed the update!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Why My Offspring Can Look Forward To Many Years Of Therapy

This was the conversation:

ME: You need a bath, come on, let's get you all clean.
HER: Noooooooooooooooo, I don't like a bath!
Me: Well tough, you need a bath.
HER: Noooooooooooooo! I don't want a bath!
ME: You need a bath.
Her: Why? I don't want a bath!
Me: Well if you don't take a bath you'll smell... and one day dogs will dig a hole and bury you in it because you smell bad.
Her:........ Nooooooooooo! I don't like a bath!

Now I'm weighing my options... in the washing machine and hope she doesn't get motion sickness or just spraying her down with Febreze and Lysol. Or maybe I'll just hang one of those tree shaped car air fresheners around her neck.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Coping Out With A Quiz Day!

Pure Nerd
56 % Nerd, 47% Geek, 30% Dork
For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd.

The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful.


Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Professional Wrestling

Love & Sexuality


Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 47% on nerdiness

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 60% on geekosity

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 49% on dork points
Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid

I know, I totally suck (that's why I'm popular - I swallow too!), I have much to write about - clubbing until 3 am, working lots and lots, hanging with D and planning her kick ass Happy Divorce Party for November 14th, funky boots, borrowing DVD's as a ploy to get someone's attention, a friend being arrested at a political protest (Rock on baby!), dinner and a movie and dinner and coffee. AND I still have so much going on. I need more coffee and to figure out how to NOT sleep for the next week or so (don't suggest illegal drugs... I'm not that kind of girl). But right now, I need to get a shower so I can go out to dinner and coffe... then come home to SEW.