Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy, er... New Year

So here I sit after a LONG ass day at work and fuck I wish I was napping which is what I need to do as I have some festivities to be attending to later tonight as in getting wasted because it’s the New Year and I fucking can, but lo, I am not NAPPING as I so very much need to be doing because I am awaiting TACOS which I have demanded that K go out and procure for my dining pleasures… er… maybe not pleasures, but dining necessities… if that makes any sense… dinner. Yes dinner as I am fucking hungry because I got to work at nearly 8 am today and finished work at 5:15 today with just a mere 15 minute break, one Starbucks Frappichino (on the way to my second hospital), a large Dr. Pepper and 4 peanut butter crackers (Ritz). Now I’m all light headed and giddy because I’m tired and hungry and I WANT my FUCKING TACOS now. But I digress, because this is the closing of the year and I need to make a closing of the year post… or something like that… I promise that I WILL get back to the VIBRATING THING post. Really I will, but honestly I can not really focus right now… so tired and hungry… TACOS!

For now, I must make snarky comments about people I encountered today. One woman said to me “Just don’t make him look gay!” of the taking of the photo of her son. I started laughing and she explained how her husband made the very inappropriate joke that their son might be gay because he wouldn’t breast feed. Hehehe… And I laughed. I laughed and laughed, but she thought it was because of her comment but it was because I was so tempted to tell her that her comment was funny, very funny even, TO ME because my husband is GAY. I didn’t tell her, didn’t want to ruin her little funny with my real life gay sitcom life which is really quite funny in a really kind of sad way. Another woman made me want to smack her because she was having trouble making up her mind if she wanted photos or not (Jesus Gay on a pogo stick! It’s baby pictures not life or fucking death!) and with a very serious look (very fake nails, too much makeup) and tears in her over mascaraed eyes told me that she had an ‘emergency cesarean’ (on the freaking 29th!!!), in a told that told me she EXPECTED me to gasp, pat her hand, declare her a ‘poor dear’ and excuse her idiotness before bowing down and asking her exactly HOW I could serve her. Well what the fuck ever, my time is money, I told her I’d check back with her tomorrow or even later today and she informed me that I should CALL her to check and see if she wanted me to do her baby’s photos. I fought the overpowering urge to laugh rudely and roll my eyes at her and instead smirked and said I’d do that if I had time then walked out to take care of paying customers. This lady needed a smack and for someone to point out to her that she’s not the first person to have a baby, nor an ‘emergency cesarean’ and she needed to get the fuck over herself. Since I actually don’t get paid to do that I just walked away and called her moments before leaving today.


This year…

Has been one of the best years of my whole freaking life! I have the best friends ever, I won’t go into a long list of people as that would just be unnecessary and embarrassing to everyone, but you KNOW who you are and you KNOW I LOVE YOU.

This year hasn’t been easy and I thank each and every one of you who offered kind words, held my hand, gave me booze, took me out or held my hand while I acted like a ‘tard. You made me feel like I really mattered in this world.

Thanks to all of you who drug me to faire and to those I drug to faire with me. I wish I had done this whole rennie thing long ago instead of listening to an idiot boyfriend who discouraged me from doing this.

Thanks to everyone who let me camp with them, near them, in the general vicinity of them. If I was falling down drunk in your camper, camping area, tent, etc. I hope I wasn’t too much of an imposition. I had a great time.

Thanks to everyone who went clubbin’ with me and endured my frightening and trampy fashion choices. Thanks for all the drinks, and dancing and laughs and Taco Cabana after.

Thanks for all the gaming.

Thanks for all the sex and sex toys.

Thanks for all you’ve done, I am nothing without you. *smooch* *smooch*

And most of all, Thanks for ALL THE COFFEE!

2006 is going to ROCK with you around.

Okay, my TACOS are here. I need sleep and recharging for partying tonight.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Oh How I Love Things That VIBRATE!

Ahhh, but before I elaborate on the above fact (which is completely obvious to most people who know me) I must go into how very, very EVIL the Tiny Terrorists were today. Wait… wait... I need to go back a day and tell about THE CHINEESE RESTAURANT EXPERIENCE OF DOOM or How The Tiny Terrorists Gave Everyone A Reason To Keep Birth Control Available To EVERYONE. I swear yesterday my offspring were a good argument to keep abortion legal… even retroactive abortion. *sigh*

Anyway… The plan was for Badra to come get myself and the Tiny Terrorists so we all could go have a NICE lunch with Lerxst and Sable. We planned this a while back and it SEEMED sane at that time. I had taken Cabbage Patch out with Badra several times and she was always very good. I’ve been over to Lerxst and Sable’s with both offspring before and never felt the urge to lock them in a kennel so I was FAIRLY comfortable with this.

That morning I bathed both and dressed them in matching dresses then fixed their hair in matching hair styles (yes I know, obsessive). Badra arrived and the Little People were still sweet. We drove over to Lerxst and Sable’s all the while listening to the Chanukah Kids Songs CD Badra got for the Little People. Well I THOUGHT they were listening, but now I realize they were plotting and planning. We arrived and the Tiny Terrorists were gifted with a gift so evil and despised that I immediately planned to put it in the offspring’s luggage for when they spend the weekends with their daddy and Mr. B. hehehehe… Its fart putty. All it does is make fart noises and I knew that K would hate it so much he’d put out a Gay Mafia hit on whoever bought it for the progeny. So… Lerxst and Sable, if ever you find yourself being tailed by what looks to be the cast from Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, I suggest you duck into a Pier One or an Old Navy to get away from them.

The next thing that happened sent up red flags but for some gawd forsaken reason I kept my fool mouth shut. As we ADULTS were discussing where we should dine and all being terribly undecided, Sable turned to one of the Tiny Terrorists and asked her what she would like to eat. As a parent I’ve learned that unless that child is actually PAYING for the meal, the child should never ever make the decision on where to dine. Honestly, why would you trust someone who considers Chef Boyardee to be gourmet food and macaroni and cheese to be a staple that all meals should be built around. Super Girl surprised me by saying ‘Chinese’ and off we went.

As soon as we sat at the table and got menus I knew this would not go smoothly. I was fully expecting this to be a buffet place, which is actually mostly safe fro the offspring as they can choose their own food and there is an actual chance that Cabbage Patch will actually EAT something. I negotiated with Super Girl on food and pretty much ignored Cabbage Patch who had switched into BRAT mode the moment we got back in Badra’s truck. I scanned the menu and saw that there was nothing that Cabbage Patch would actually EAT on there save possibly some fried rice. I asked Super Girl three times if she wanted beef and broccoli since she likes that, but she insisted that she wanted SOUP. The special was Moo Goo Gi Pan and I recalled that we (me and the offspring) had eaten that once while out with D so I went ahead and ordered that since it came with SOUP and FRIED rice, I figured there was a CHANCE that Super Girl would eat the soup and some of the veggies. Cabbage Patch wasn’t going to have anything other than air and discontent.

The soup arrived and Super Girl was shocked to see what egg drop soup was and thought it was gross – more negotiations over her actually TRYING it before saying it’s nasty. Much whining had already started from Cabbage Patch who was bitching saying she wanted something else, pizza or something (she never wants what we are having unless it’s macaroni and cheese). Our food arrived and THEN the real bitching began. Cabbage Patch refused to touch ANYTHING. Super Girl only wanted soup but not the soup that was brought to her. I ordered her a bowl of wonton soup and people tried to bribe her and her sister into eating. I continued to mutter threats under my breath to the offspring with mixed results. Super Girl ate some of her soup and started eating the veggies out of what I ordered for them and from other people’s plates, but Cabbage Patched switched into WHINE OVER DRIVE. She bitched about wanting noodles so I ordered her a plate of just noodles and when they arrived they were the WRONG kind of noodles. She refused to even touch them. She scowled and whined… loudly. I finally had enough. I took her off to the bathroom to have a TALK with her where she was told to shut the whining up and that she didn’t have to eat but she did have to shut up and finally that if she whined again I would take her back to the bathroom and spank her. We returned to the table where she sat with her arms crossed, scowling at the world… but she was silent. We finished lunch in relative peace and I took home a lot of left overs. (eyes rolling up in head)

And how I wish that was the END of this horrid saga, but it’s not. The EVILNESS continued… More to come (and, uh... the explanation on the VIBRATING part, for now I must just leave you hanging though.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Pride Flag Menorah and Pink Tree

Well so what if Santa was right???

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Angel of combat and war
Angel of Combat And War-->
You're a strong individual who does not need the love
of other people to get by. You're a leader and
everyone recognizes that. You are represented by
the horse, a graceful and powerful animal that
rushes in to face danger and comes out unscathed. You
stay strong and are represented by the color
red, the blood of the fools crazy enough to
cross your path.

What are you the angel of?? (beautiful anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Seductive Angel
~Seductive Angel~

"Wow this is a good one". You know why
you have fallen to earth and it's because you
wanted sex one more time. Thats a big no no in
heaven. Your lust meter is at its best, your
good at what you do in bed and everyone knows
it. "Heaven in a Devils bed" (You
keep it hot). Just remember to stay true to
your loved ones they take a while to catch up
with you so be patient... Keep your kinky and
adventurous ways they make up you. Your loved
one loves your sex just remember what they

What Kind Of Fallen Angel Are You? (For Boys & Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a Dark Red Rose

You represent unconscious beauty and deep passion.

Your vibe: sophisticated and worldly

Falling in love with you is: wildly carnal and forbidden

Monday, December 26, 2005

I Measure Love In Coffee and Sugar

(my lovely presents of coffee, cookies and chocolate)

Just kidding, (mostly). This holiday season has been a lovely caffeinated one for me. I’ve gotten many, many gifts of coffee and chocolate (K has been absolved from all his sins of this past year for bringing me a BOX of very dark chocolate bars – a BOX as in 12 bars! The funny part is that they have a label on them that says ‘best if used by 09.05.07’ AS IF! I doubt these delightful morsels will last until New Years EVE! Of this year!)

While I’ve been tempted to drink coffee like a chain smoker with a carton of cigs, I have managed to control myself, if only due to my horrible reflux and the fact that caffeine makes it WORSE. If not for that, self control be damned! I wouldn’t sleep until next year sometime! Oh well, I suppose this just helps me to SAVOR my gifts that much more. But I digress (as I sip this fabulous cup of Irish Cream favored java), the holidays are a happening and I’m doing them!

Christmas happened and I worked. Yee-haw. It actually wasn’t that bad. I don’t mind working the holidays, especially a holiday that isn’t important to me. The people are generally pretty nice and I get HOLIDAY PAY, so it’s not to bad. This Christmas was pretty much like that, except I had been invited to a lovely dinner with a new and most fabulous friend, Rose and her family. Their dinner was set for 3 ish. Cool, I figured that since it was a holiday and I’d worked my ass off the day before, I’d be out of there by 1 pm or 2 pm at the latest. And I would have, except my last client was in the breast feeding class when I arrived. The class generally runs until 2:30pm and more often 3 pm. *sigh* I didn’t want to wait, I had PLANS. I explained the options to the grandma who was in the room and smiled politely, I told her nicely that I didn’t get paid if I wasn’t taking photos so I just couldn’t wait around for an hour or more. She smiled, she said she understood, she offered me money and she asked me sweetly to stay. I realized she was quite desperate for her first grand child’s photos to be made. I told her I’d make a call, I had a dinner to be at but if they were okay with me being late, I would wait and she did not have to pay me. She said that if I had a dinner to be at she understood and not to worry, but I could see and hear her disappointment and I’d already made up my mind that I would wait if Rose and her family didn’t mind. Rose and Mommy Rose didn’t mind at all so I went back to wait with grandma. We watched part of A Christmas Story and chatted until baby and mom arrived. The photos were fabulous and the family was so thankful. Then grandma tossed some money on my cart as I was leaving, I protested and she insisted very insistently that I TAKE it. So I did, I stuffed it in my pocket and went to put away my equipment, I figured it was $5 or $10 I’d use for gas money. As I uploaded the photos of the day, I took the money out of my ugly smock pocket and looked at it before putting in my purse. It wasn’t $5 or $10. It was $40. She didn’t have to pay me anything, them being so happy over the photos was enough for me.

So I left there and made it to Rose’s home and was maybe an hour late. I met Mommy Rose (whom I absolutely adore) and a cute friend of Rose’s. The meal was amazing (roast lamb!), the dessert was to die for (chocolate raspberry cake!) and the company was to fabulous.

I left at 7:30 pm, though I could have stayed all night and talked. I had a most interesting time figuring out how to get out of the parking lot of her apartments – I’m so ghetto I don’t know how to get out of a gated place. Doh. Eventually I did managed to get out and find my way home without getting lost (I had already done that getting there). I headed over to K’s brother’s house to meet him and the Little People and develop a lovely migraine (damn the weather!).