Friday, January 07, 2005

Life Lesson #396
Always Check Before You Sit

That's a rule I live by when I use a public restroom, I generally don't worry about it when I'm in the sanctity of my own bathroom. As it's MY bathroom I'm pretty confident of the paper levels as I'm the one who maintains that bathroom. I have toilet paper confidence when it comes to my bathroom. Yesterday my TP Confidence was shaken, the sanctity of my sacred bathroom was disturbed. As I reached for TP I was greeted with a sad empty roll. Then I remembered, one should ALWAYS check TP levels before sitting and commiting. That of course leads to the next lesson...

Life Lesson #397
Never Trust A Toddler To Fetch TP

Being in the above situation left me with no alternative but to send Cabbage Patch on a mission to procure TP from the upstairs bathroom. I gave her specific instructions, watched her leave and waited, waited, waited for what seemed an eternity as my butt started too go numb. She finally returned empty handed claiming "Dere's no toilet paper up dere." (which I knew was completly in accurate.) I questioned her about where she looked briefly before I realized what a pointless endevor it was and grabbed some Kleenex to take care of things (yes I know I should have just done that first, but I really thought "Go upstairs to daddy's bathroom and get some toilet paper" was an easy enough task, and since she was loitering in the bathroom as I peed, I thought I'd just get new TP and not use up all the tissue, silly me).

Live and learn.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Showing My Intelect
Making It Obvious I'm An Idiot

The other night K and I were having a discussion about literature. I can't remember the exact details other than my stinging humiliation of being utterly and totally wrong after pompously professing my great knowledge of this subject because I did after all take accelerated English in high school and did quite well in college English.

What was I wrong about? Whether it was The Rhyme Of The Ancient Mariner or Billy Budd that had an albatros in it.

It was the first one mentioned, though I SWORE it was Billy Budd. *sigh* We even bet on it.

In my own defence (my desperate attempt to save face actually) both works are HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE and out right painful to read. I actually did not READ either completly (well I did have to suffer through listening to the tape of the poem in class - kept falling asleep and then we read part of Billy Budd in class, again I had trouble focusing my consiousness). I read notes on it and hoped I would be sitting near enough to someone to cheat my way through the test (I wasn't so lucky on either test). So basically I didn't have a fucking clue what I was talking about.

I admit it, I am a semi-college educated dork and I can't remember jack of what I learned in high school. (I told them that I'd never need geometry, but NOOOOOOOOO they still made me take it!)
Laughing Out Loud

This morning my hot sexy boyfriend XXX called me and casually told me to visit a site that led to this. (not work safe, don't view at work, don't say I didn't warn you) I burst out laughing and nearly forgot about cliking on the link to RentAMidget. (which is also very funny). After looking at The Accomodater I paged down, still giggling and saw The Executive... and got to laughing again as I thought of all the Executives I used to work at in the corporate world. heh... I may never be able to hold an office job again.

And off that SAME page, I found this Spank Me kit, look at the description... I'm no expert on spanking, but I'm not Warming Massage Oil, Peppermint Cooling Cream, Refreshing Wet Wipe and Mood Setting Tea Lights are all that necessary, but I'm certainly curious about the Erotic Spanking Guide. hmmmm....

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Mommy Brag Time

Today Super Girl brought her report card home. She made all 3's (which is where right where she should be)! And she got a certificate for being the most improved student (I think it was refering to more her behavior, not her grades as she had mostly 3's last grading period) and a certificate for perfect attendance this 9 weeks as well.

I'm so darn proud of her I got all teary eyed!

Bus Fuss

When Super Girl got off the bus today she tells me that someone was trying to choke her on the bus (she didn't have any marks on her so apparently they didn't hurt her). Unfortunately the regular bus driver has been gone the past two days and that means it's utter chaos on the bus. Super Girl pointed out the kid who was trying to choke her as he got of the bus. I was very angry at this point. I asked the kid what was he doing to my kid. This is the kid of Welfare Momma. This is the kid who has been suspended from the bus for a month. He (and his brother I think) claimed they didn't do anything to her, that she was sitting in the front of the bus where she usually does and they were in the back. I had already ask Super Girl where she was sitting and she had told me that she was in the back (where she's not supposed to be). This kid got smart with me and I told him that he better keep his fucking hands off my kid. Yes I did swear at a kid. I couldn't help it. I'm tired of that kid bullying other kids.

Yesterday as we walked home he and his brother started yelling insults at Cody, telling him "Shut up fat boy!" and saying shit like "Yo mamma is so fat..." (not that they have any room to say that shit, their mamma is bigger than me and Cody's mom put together). They kept it up for a few minutes. It pissed me off, but I didn't say anything, just urged the kids to ignore the little assholes. The protective mother in me wanted to take up for Cody, but I know that wasn't really my place. I remember being the Fat Kid and I would have been mortified if someone's mother would have taken up for me - horribly embarrased and probably teased even more. Cody is like 11 or 12 and he's pudgy and he's a really nice kid. I know it hurt when the kids were teasing him, he got really quiet. I know I did the 'right' thing in the mom area by encouraging the kids to ignore the little brats, but I couldn't help feeling like I didn't do enough. *sigh* Being a mom is hard some days.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

New Years Eve and Day

Pardon me for being a lazy ass about reporting on my NYE party and NYD party. I've been busy having horrible headaches for the past couple of days. I've taken some medicine (actually the stuff that made me all whacked out at a game where I had the brain shark on my head) so please excuse me if this post get's whacked out and makes no sense (I still have a headache too).

Me and My Date

I left for the party with the Rennies about 7:30 pm (with fabulous hair I might add). Since XXX was miles away at a different party I took Angry Albino Sock Monkey as my date for the evening. We had a long discussion on the way to the party about him not embarassing me by getting sloppy drunk or getting all touchy feely with me (or anyone else for that matter - nothing worse than being felt up by a drunk monkey). He promised me he would be on his best behavior (well actually he let out a string of expletives that I won't repeat and said something like "You'll have to fucking lock me in the damn trunk to keep me from the booze and ho's!").

We arrived shortly after 8 pm. I lugged in the ice and food (fucking monkey didn't even lift a finger to help). Then I made a drink. Lime vodka is rather odd but nice.

Some people were out on the deck shooting the flint locks when I arrived (the party was north of where I live, out in the country so guns and fireworks were on the agenda).

I didn't know to many people at the party so I just wandered around with AASM (who they kept calling the EVIL MONKEY and saying he was creepy - which he loved). After a short time they put in An Evening With Kevin Smith. At this point I wasn't sure this was going to be such a good party - I'm not really into parties where we all sit around and watch movies, but what the fuck, the alternatives for me were to go home and spend the evening watching movies with my gay husband, so I sat and drank and watched. The movie was DVD was actually pretty damn funny.

The monkey made me take that photo. We were in the bathroom.

More people showed up. AASM started giving Laurie the eye and was a pure ass to me the rest of the night. After the first DVD everyone headed out on the deck and it was time for more fire works. (at one point one of the roman candle thingies fell over and shot it's last one toward my car. Gasps from everyone on the deck and someone said "Who's car is that?" To which I replied calmly "That's my fucking car! Don't you hit my fucking car or I'll kick your ass - and I'm sober so I can fucking do it!" The shot actually went OVER my car and after about 60 seconds it went off lighting up my car spectacularly - wish I had gotten a picture of that!)

They saved the best fireworks for midnight - it was very cool. At midnight I kissed that evil little monkey even though he was still trying to get his hands on Laurie. Bastard monkey. *sigh* made me miss XXX.

I left the party about 1 am as I had to work on Saturday morning so I needed to get a wee bit of sleep. Right before I left Laurie expressed her intrest in AASM and her desire to have him. He nearly broke my arm leaping to her. I made a quick deal with her, ya know since she was taking my date. I pimped his ass out with the words "How much ya got on ya?" The deal was done and I left empty handed (and cash stuffed in my bra). I am the Monkey Pimp!

And I still looked good when I got home.

(*note* I didn't include any photos of people from the party as you don't know them and wouldn't give a crap)

XXX will have to come to the next party, the party was cool and all but I didn't know everyone all that much and it's so much more fun to be at a party with someone you can whisper little things to and point and laugh together.

New Years Day Party

This was actually just our normally scheduled game night but it turned into as party as the only people who could show were The Postman and Giggles and Petey and The Bear. Petey came prepared with supplies to make Irish Coffee.

I didn't take even one damn photo! And I didn't even get a wee bit drunk either. Hmmm.. I wonder if there is a connection between me photo documenting mine and Petey's decent into drunkenness and our drinking... dunno.

We had a delightful time playing games, talking, eating and drinking. I made some of the traditional New Years foods - black eyed pea dip, Greek coin cake, lentils and of course black eyed peas. Last year I think I made a shit load more but I also didn't have to work that day.

All in all it was a damn good start to the New Year. And in 10 days this new year will get even better. ;o)

Monday, January 03, 2005

Rainy Days

It's been raining a lot here lately. Today it rained all morning and eased off in the afternoon. It wasn't raining at 3:30 pm when Super Girl got out of school. When she got off the bus today her first words were "Mamma! The bridge is flooded over!" When I asked her to clarify, she and several of her school mates informed me that the creek was flooded and the water was over part of the road and was flooding into the lake. I promised Super Girl that we would head home to grab my camera and go to the lake to investigate.

Boy was I surprised to see just how much water was there. Many parts of the trail around the lake were completly inaccessable for the water pouring over from the creek that runs next to the lake. The bridge we walk over to go to Super Girl's dance class was completly submerged. Now that has happened before, but not to this extent. Usually the water would be too high and would be rushing over the small low bridge but today there was no sign of the bridge at all.

The Little People were amazed by the waters. I was amazed as well. I spoke to some other people standing around gawking at the water, no one had ever seen the waters quite that high.

I'm hopeing that the rains will let up long enough for the waters to recede - having the creek just feet from my door makes me nervous about all the rain (although I have been checking the creek behind me and it doesn't seem to be terribly high, let's hope this forecast of a week of rain doesn't change that!).

And finally this is my favorite picture, I just loved how this tree looked with the dark clouds behind it.

New Year, New Post

Okay I'm just going to cop out on this one and fill it full of quiz crap. Why? Because Petey did it first! heh.

The kissing test*:
Judy, you're a Passionate Kisser

That's right, you've got all the moves. There's something about your approach to kissing that's natural, smooth, and ultimately, very charming. You know that to lure your mate you need to play the part — from knowing all the moves to looking pulled together — whatever that means for you.

Some may call you a player, but we know that all the flash and show with which you attract your dates is a cover for what you're really after — a terrific connection with someone who likes what you have to offer.

You're more confidant than some when it comes to matters of the mouth, which is why you may be used to delivering seriously smoldering smooches. Just remember that while you're gooooood when you rely on your standbys, a little spontaneity might be even better.

And on the Passion Predictor test*:

Judy, you're a Guardian Angel!

Chances are you've kicked around the idea of settling down on some shady lane with your honey and maybe even thought about having a kid or a couple of pets. Even if you've never cooked a pot roast or picked out fabric for curtains, we'll bet you've got solid nurturing instincts nestled within.

That's why, when it comes to your partner, you're the Mother Teresa of romantic relationships. Doing little things like planning cool vacations and jotting a quick love note, tells your partner daily how much you care. This A+ quality not only makes you a compassionate lover, but also a trusted friend.

Here's the rub: You're ready to give and give, but sometimes you might get resentful when your significant other doesn't return the favor. It can be difficult for you to let people fend for themselves, but try to focus on maintaining balance. Be sure to look out for number one, and try to indulge yourself as often as you indulge those you care about.

Honestly this was a weird test... it asks what breakfast cereal you are in bed!!

And finally the flirt test*:

Hey there, slick! We think it's pretty safe to say that you're a Smooth Flirt. You've got all the right moves, and you're confident that your target will appreciate all your winks and smiles. All it takes is the perfect line, right? Maybe so, as long as you deliver it with your charm meter set to "stun." Your flirting style is the perfect mix of body language and pure animal magnetism. With you on their trail, how can your prey possibly hope to get away? Seduction is inevitable. Just make sure not to overdo it. There's something to be said for simple, direct conversation. Your way with words and smooth moves guarantee that you'll hit the bullseye.

heh... silly.

* I'm too damn lazy this morning to link to the actual tests, so head over to Petey's blog, where he has done exactly that!