Thursday, December 19, 2002

I Feel Like A Schmuk...

I bailed on going to see my grandmother. I just can't do it. I haven't seen her since 1990... and then for just a short while. I really don't know here... and I really really don't want to deal with my fathers family in the middle of a crisis... they are strange enough with out adding emotional stress to it. My stress levels are so high right now, I was getting sick to my stomach every time I thought about going. I already have problems with anxiety and I take some stuff for that, but I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack. I talked to my husband and my sister and decided it is best for me to stay here. I'm sure I'll feel guilty if she passes soon, but I have so much stress from the car wreck, from my job, needing to find another job, waiting on an answer to a situation and Christmas, that I just can not handle this at all. And I hate to say that.. I don't like admitting that I can't handle everything... weakness....

Anyway... I feel bad for not wanting to go... I feel even worse that I really don't know my grandmother very well. *sigh*
Damn.. I give up on the archives... I believe it's not me... but blogger... eh.. it'll fix it self or something...
Making a some more tweaks to this damn thing...
I think I have this damn thing fixed now... will add more links later...
Well the archives are Back! Yay!
Working on fixing my template...
Damn it... I am going to kill my husband... I had saved my template to a document but left it open, the ass closed the document and didn't save it. Fucker.
3XThursday 12/182k2 thanks to Pete this time.

OK, I really should be going to bed, I have to be up in a mere 3 hours... But I'm all pumped from the movie. I figured I'd do the 3X Thursday now.....

1. Have you ever regretted buying something for someone at Christmas? If you did, why?
Yeah... because it was a stupid gift.... a coffee mug. I went through a bizarre phase when I was younger, I would give everyone coffee mugs... then one day I realized how lame that really was.

2. If you could re-do anything in your life and you can only pick one thing...what would it be?
hmmmm.... that's tought... I think I would have gone to have lunch with my mom a few days a week when I worked close to her... She only lived 4 months after I started that job... I wish I would have made a little more time for her.

3. What is the one thing in relationships of the opposite sex that is most important?
Honest Communication

Bonus Question for Comment Box: If you had kids and maybe you do...would you lie to them about the existence of Satan....er I mean SANTA? Why?
Shoot.. I always said I would not do the Santa thing, I really am opposed to how Santa is used to bribe kids to be good... and I'm disgusted by the crass commercialism of Christmas these days, Santa just seems to be the big Christmas/Commericalism Icon now... but now I have a child who is almost 4 and I've caught myself talking about Santa... and she does have pictures with Santa as well.... I fell into the trap... that it is cute and won't do any harm. What can I say, I'm a sucker.

TWO TOWERS

That movie ROCKED! I haven't seen battle scenes that good since Excalibur. And oh gosh some of it scared me! I was jumping in my seat every time there was a battle. I'm going to have to see this again in the theater (belive me that's quite an endorsement from me, as I really really don't like watching movies in the theater... I like to be able to read or fast forward or whatever if I'm bored...). The three hours just kind of slipped by.

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

Trying to fix my archives....
L - that sucks about your eye! OUCH! Hope it heals quickly! Looking forward to seeing you when you are in town.
My Grandmother....

Last night my sister called me because she had gotten a call from daddy that grandma is really sick and not expected to make it very long. (this is a different grandmother than the one with the cancer scare). Grandma has been asking for me and my sister. I haven't seen her since my grandfather died in 1990. My sister hasn't seen her in much longer. I know, that's terrible, but my parents had a very nasty divorce and we didn't see daddy or anyone on his side of the family after the divorce. So here we are being called to come visit Grandma for what probably will be the last time... I am dreading this so much. I don't want to go at all, but I do want to see my grandmother. And yes I am very much motivated by the guilt of the whole situation. AND... I don't want to miss work... I need the money bad now. Can't get a replacement car without money. Shit.

My grandmother... I wish I knew more about her. By the time I can remember things about her, my parents divorced shortly there after, so I never had any long, thought provoking talks with her. My mother told me once about things she was told about my grandmother -( I don't know how true they are.... it's hard to authenticate things with my fathers family) that my grandmother is full blooded Indian (feathers not beads) from Misissippi - either the Chactaw or the Chicasaw who married my grandfather (white man) at 18 and gave birth to 13 children (lost a set of twins) of which my father is the oldest of the surviving 11. My mother told me once that I look like she did when she was young, but I really don't know as there are no pictures of her from her youth... they lost everything they owned in a house fire either when I was a baby or a couple of years before I was born. And that's about it.

Damn... I really don't want to go. I dread the sick/dieing relative visit. I don't know what to do...
Where The Hell Are My Archives????

My archives have disapeared! I'm offering a LARGE reward for anyone who can return my archives to their rightful place. It's not so much that anyone wants to read them persay but I have a sentimental attachment to my past ramblings and I miss seeing their link to the left. So ANYONE who can tell me how to get them back (please to don't tell me to seek counseling or buy them a nice present...) will be rewarded with my UNDIEING gratitude (you didn't think it would be something monitary did you? Might as well stand in line behind Mr. Curry-breath if your wanting money from me...).

What Do You Get When You Mix Mexican Food, Margaritas and Sinus Medicine?

Damn last night I slept well but I had the most bizarre dreams... bizarre and erotic... And all of a theme... I'd wake up thinking "That was weird" then I'd go back to sleep and start dreaming about something related to the same dream... different people to *ahem* interact with. Very odd... especially since one person in the dream is engaged to a very good friend of ours... We've gotten to be good friends and my smart ass husband made a comment about the last time they were over he thought this person was going to drag me off to bed from the looks I was getting from them. I think he made a comment about this person last night in my drunken stupor so it got stuck in my dream files. Very freaky.
MOVIE Night!

We are heading out to see Two Towers tonight with my brother in law and a friend. It will be at 11 pm tonight! Everything else is sold out. I'm excited. Now I'm debating if I should go take a nap or go do more painting... probably nap.. I'm tired...

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

Margaritas!! Whoo-Hooo!

Went out to have Mexican food tonight, because I had a splitting headache and was too stressed to make dinner.... and sore... still sore from the accident. So off to Taco Cabana we go.. I get a margarita... which was really shitty but the more I drank of it, the better it tasted... helped that I had taken some sinus medicine about 40 minutes before hand so I was buzzing pretty quick. Hubby and I started talking about some stuff... life, love... future... crap like that... and I finished my drink, mentioned that my headache was still there, so we headed off to Fridays to have another drink and continue our conversation... and drown my headache... so here I am... mostly drunk... with just a bit of a headache... why am I on the computer writing anything... fuck if I know.. I need to go pass out in my bed or something. LOL... anyway.. it was a lot of fun.. I needed to blow off some stress tonight... and whats more fun than me drinking and making catty comments about people around me. ;o) Off to bed now. **Smootches!**
My Poor Car...






Maybe I need to do like that SaveKaryn chic and put up my own paypal button so people can donate to JudyNeedsACar. I mean fuck, people helped her lame ass pay off credit card debts that she ran up her damn self, I got hit by some asshole. ;o)
Grrrr......

So I get this call a few minutes ago from the bastard who hit me then from his insurance company... I guess he did have insurance, but I have my doubts.... it just happened to be another Indian... and he said he already had the police report... which I was told by the police officer, would not be ready for at least 5 days. The insurance agent started threatening me, saying that they were going to file a lawsuit against me. Whatever. It will be a waste of time and money for them, because I don't even have money to get my car repaired. And if he does get a judgement against me, I'll file bankrupcy. With all the other things that have happened this past year, I owe so damn much money to so many people, this would just push me past even being able to pay anything. *sigh* boy this kind of shit really puts one in the holiday spirit.

Christmas Lights

Well I finally put up my Christmas decorations. This year it's just garlands. The garlands that I totally obsess about... I don't think hubby is going to be very willing to go to storage and dig through the other decorations to find exactly what I want to make these look perfect to me.. I'll have to take pictures later tonight.
House Work...

Today I'm doing my regular house work, laundry and vacuuming... it's hell today... I'm so freaking sore. Oh well I'll live.
Painted Box

This is the box I finished for my friend who lives far far away from me...





What do you think?


Monday, December 16, 2002

MONDAY, MONDAY, MONDAY! that means it's time for...Monday Mission 2.50 by PromoGuy

1. So, what do you want for Christmas this year that you probably won't get?
hmmmm... I really haven't asked for anything for Christmas... I'll be thrilled with anything I get.

2. What do you know you will be receiving for Christmas this year?
hmmm... I don't know of anything I will be receiving...

3. If you had the means to do so, what presents would you get some of your fellow bloggers? Be specific, it's more fun that way!
I would make each and every one of them a hand painted box made especially for them.

4. Do you support any organizations that provide for the less fortunate during the holidays? Or do any volunteer work?
I used to buy presents for a couple of kids and sponsor a family off of the tree at church and sponsor a family through the American Legion, but in the past couple of years I haven't had the money to help at all. I do make donations to different organizations regularly throughout the year as well.

5. Each year about this time, I notice Church attendance seems to spike, then drops off sharply after Christmas. It tickles me that these folks think they are pulling a fast one on the Big Guy. What is the most recent thing guilt has motivated you to do?
That used to bother me so much at the church I attended for 8 years, the twice a year Christians. The Church we attend now doesn't really have that problem, it's really small. And now I really feel like a twice a year Christian myself because I don't get to go to church on Sundays because of my work schedule. Hmmmm.. unfortunately I can be motivated by guilt, but I can't remember my most recent guilt motivated action.

6. According to the commercials, the only way to truly tell someone you love them on Christmas day is to let them "Unwrap a Jaguar" automobile. Are there any examples of excessive commercialism and/or blatant disregard for the "Christmas Spirit" that really get under your skin?
Well all of them really.

7. I remember a song where the singers wished they could teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony. What would you like to teach the world?
Unconditional love

BONUS: Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
how could they miss it with all the commercials, etc?



Monday, Monday, Monday... at least the weekend is over...

Gosh a lot has happened since my last post... I'm going to go in order of what happened... that will make it less of a mess for you to read.

Friday the 13th

I go into work and find that the camera is disassembled with a note that it’s broken…. OK…. I look through the paper work for the week and see that the camera broke on Wednesday… so… why didn’t someone call me Thursday and tell me the camera was broken? I call my manager to find out what’s up. She tells me that a replacement part has been overnighted to the hospital and should be delivered to me soon. I call shipping and get the box brought up. Then I replace the part… oh so much fun…. All that took an hour to get done and I have 30 babies on my list since there were no pictures taken since mid day Wednesday…. *sigh* Fine, fine… I get finished up at 3:30 PM and head home so I can get a nap before getting ready for hubby’s Christmas party. At 6 PM I call my manager and leave a message that I can’t work the weekend at one of my hospitals (I got that job as a hostess at a model home - pays a lot more money, but it’s only for a short while… maybe just a couple of weekends) I pick out my clothes then go coordinate hubby’s clothes and get everything ready so that he can get changed quickly when he gets home from work. He gets home at a little after 7 PM, we leave by 7:30 PM (matching nicely I must say). The party is pretty low key, not a lot of people there… but then not a lot of people left working for the company either. They have two fortune tellers and a handwriting analysts and of course I had to go to each of them! I got cool readings from both fortune tellers… looks like my love life will finally improve in the coming year. Heheheh…

Take a look at the pics:




So we leave the party about 11 PM and head home. It’s almost midnight by then. I check my messages on call notes and there’s one from Elaine at the hospital I’m ditching for the weekend, she says that the camera there is broken, a replacement camera is will be delivered to my home tomorrow. I think ‘That can’t be right… certainly she would not send some piece of equipment that costs several thousand dollars to my home without asking me if that would be OK…. That’s got to be a mistake…’ the message was left at 8 PM.

Saturday

I go to my two hospitals then head off to my other job. I’m 30 minutes late *sigh* but Nancy is fine with it. We get the model set up and she leaves. So I sit there until 5 PM when Nancy returns. It’s kind of boring but not that bad really. I did some paper work for her and a few people came by to see the houses. Before I leave, Nancy gives me the keys to the model and then says… "what if something happens to you?" I laugh then say "Like what? You mean if I get hit by a truck or something?" and laugh again (me and my smart mouth). Tell her I’ll be back at noon on Sunday and head home. I get home at 6:45 PM - hubby had told me that morning that he was going to get us tickets to Star Trek and when I got home he said we had to leave by 7:10 PM to get to the theater to meet his brother. OK, so I gulp down dinner and we head out. Hubby also told me that a package was delivered to the office from my work while he was out running errands. *sigh* I can not believe that idiot actually had that camera sent to me. By now it’s a mote point. The office is closed and won’t be open again until Monday. So we see the movie… I’m so tired I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep during the movie… but I don’t. And I really like the movie… I’ll refrain from commenting on the movie for those who are planning to see it. We get home a little after 10 PM, my phone is ringing… it’s Elaine… I don’t answer. I don’t take calls after 9:30 PM unless it’s someone I have told to call me or if it’s a family member. I don’t even worry about it.. I’m tired… really tired.. I didn’t get to bed until 2:30 AM the night before and had to be up by 6:30 AM so I needed sleep…

Sunday

I do my two hospitals. Then head home for a few minutes. Take hubby to Taco Bell for lunch, he says he’ll walk home so I don’t have to drop him off before I head off to the model home. OK great. I go up to the next light to turn around and get on central. As I’m turning some guy plows into my car. He totals my car. I’m OK, just bruised from my seat belt. OK the next comments I’m going to make are very un-PC and may sound racist… you’ve been warned… It’s a fucking foreigner - again my car gets totaled by a foreign national. He’s Indian or something and I think he was going to leave the scene of the accident at first but he fucked up his car when he hit me. He starts giving me attitude right away. I tell him "You need to go get your license and proof of insurance." He says "You should not be talking to me like that." And getting all indignant. I just repeat myself. I’m not about to debate the accident with him. I finally tell him he needs to go back to his car, the police will sort this out. A man driving a Lexus… also an Indian, starts saying that he saw the accident and it was my fault. He’s saying that he was right behind me… which is a complete lie. The police show up pretty quick, as do the ambulance, fire and wreckers. The officer takes the statement from the guy who hit me and he’s lieing about shit, saying that he was in a different lane than he was and that I didn’t have the light… total lie… I was behind someone who turned right before I did… Mr. Indian national was driving way to fucking fast and not looking. When the officer asked for his insurance I realized why he was being such and ass.. he has none (he says he ‘forgot’ his insurance card)… Great… so he gets a ticket. The police officer takes me home, he’s really nice. I ask him who will be at fault on this, he says currently it will be me since that guy was a ‘witness’ (read friend…), but I can dispute it with the insurance (if the guy does in fact have insurance) and they will do an investigation.

I call Nancy and tell her that my car is totaled and I can’t make it in. She’s concerned… then mentions what I said the day before. I laugh because of the irony… the incredible irony… (my first car got totaled after I made a remark to a friend that I wanted a new car, maybe my car would get totaled and I could get one… just days later it was hit from behind by a van and totaled). Nancy is so nice, she is going to pay me for working Sunday even though I didn’t. I’m fine except for some nasty bruises and I’m a little sore. (see pic). I made sure to move around as much as I could stand so I wouldn’t be stiff today.


yeah I know, I look pretty crappy but what do you expect.

Today…

My manager calls about the equipment, I tell here she needs to come get it. She’s pissy about it. Who cares. I don’t get paid enough to be responsible for a piece of equipment worth several thousand dollars being delivered to my house and then to have me deliver it up to the hospital. She’ll get over it.

Anyway… that’s my weekend. I’m not really all that upset about the car. I’m kind of surprised that my car is so smashed up though. I can not believe that in 3 wrecks that I have had, none of them were minor enough to drive my car away from. My husband has had I think 4 accidents in the entire time he’s been driving and none of them have been anything other than surface damage. He even got hit by a large delivery truck and all it did was mess up the passenger door.. and of course they had insurance… so the car got fixed pretty quick.