My Grandmother....

Last night my sister called me because she had gotten a call from daddy that grandma is really sick and not expected to make it very long. (this is a different grandmother than the one with the cancer scare). Grandma has been asking for me and my sister. I haven't seen her since my grandfather died in 1990. My sister hasn't seen her in much longer. I know, that's terrible, but my parents had a very nasty divorce and we didn't see daddy or anyone on his side of the family after the divorce. So here we are being called to come visit Grandma for what probably will be the last time... I am dreading this so much. I don't want to go at all, but I do want to see my grandmother. And yes I am very much motivated by the guilt of the whole situation. AND... I don't want to miss work... I need the money bad now. Can't get a replacement car without money. Shit.

My grandmother... I wish I knew more about her. By the time I can remember things about her, my parents divorced shortly there after, so I never had any long, thought provoking talks with her. My mother told me once about things she was told about my grandmother -( I don't know how true they are.... it's hard to authenticate things with my fathers family) that my grandmother is full blooded Indian (feathers not beads) from Misissippi - either the Chactaw or the Chicasaw who married my grandfather (white man) at 18 and gave birth to 13 children (lost a set of twins) of which my father is the oldest of the surviving 11. My mother told me once that I look like she did when she was young, but I really don't know as there are no pictures of her from her youth... they lost everything they owned in a house fire either when I was a baby or a couple of years before I was born. And that's about it.

Damn... I really don't want to go. I dread the sick/dieing relative visit. I don't know what to do...