Friday, July 01, 2005


Above is a photo of my voodoo ritual done to rid the TOILET OF DOOM of the evil clogging influences within. Yes it really is a photo taken in my bathroom, yes I really did have that many candles lit at one, no I did not light my hair on fire like the last time I lit that many candles (which was for a romantic dinner with the ex... hair on fire shhould have been a sign to me) and yes my StickArt tat is still a bit sore.*

The voodoo ritual seems to have worked and there has been no more call for The Super Plunger, yet it is resting near by the toilet just in case. I continue to rattle the bones and do my chanting for clear flushing daily.

*Well it probably WOULD be sore if it really exsisted outside of my warped little brain.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

And All Is Well In The World

Nothing fills me with more pride than walking through Wally World with my two demonic offspring trailing behind me dressed in sparkly dress up clothes while the youngest one's howling screams of injustice (she WANTED the basket... Then the balloon) echo through the building. I tell you, it brings a tear to my eye.

Tonight at karaoke there was this guy sitting at a table by him self with a BANJO. I kept expecting to hear "Dueling Banjos" a la Deliverance.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Lunching With Royalty

Yesterday by royal proclaimation (and the promise of some margaritas) I joined Queen Mystic and Princess Heart of the SPCF.

I joined the Queen and Princess at Cantina Laredo. When I arrived they had already consumed some Margaritas and queso and were having quite the time (Damn that North Dallas Tollway for taking so long!), I'd have to work hard to catch up to them! We dined on delightful Mexican cuisine (the Pollo Chipotle was FABULOUS) and drank margaritas. Then it was time to head to the tattoo parlor.

Luckily for us, Cat Tatto is RIGHT next door to Cantina Laredo so no one had to forsake the Margaritas to mantain enough sobriety to drive.

Me and Heart

Heart paged through some tattoo books while we waited.


We all went back when it was TIME. Mystic got hers done first so as to give Heart ample time to be nervous about getting hers.


I meant ARTIST. He was very nice and laughed at my jokes, which I'm not sure Mystic appreciated since I was making the gynological jokes while he was coloring her tat in! Oops! My bad!

Assume The Position!

NOT the position you were thinking of perv!

The First Poke

Much to my surprise she didn't even flinch when he started. Even more surprising there was absolutly no screaming or crying while she got her tat. There was however the occasional dirty look cast in mine or Heart's general direction.

Pretty Fairy

The end result is breathtaking and this photo does it no justice. Next time you see Mystic pull up the back of her shirt and see what's going on there, you won't be sorry.

Next up was Heart.

Scot worked amazingly fast and Mystics tattoo was done in one hour almost exactly to the minute. I couldn't tell if Heart was encouraged or more anxious by watching Mystic get hers, but now it was too late to back out.

Heart PreInked

I was a little surprised that it was as big as it was, but damn it looks cool.

And He Starts

Heart did flinch a bit when it started but that was nothing compaired to the crying and screaming to be heard coming from the shop. Oh wait.. that wasn't her it was me. Sorry...

But It's A Good Kind Of Pain

Apparently the outline hurts the most... And Heart didn't take nearly enough Vicoden before hand.


After a mere 30 minutes of agony, Heart's beautiful body art was complete. And she was thankful - no more outline!

Stick Art Tat

*And because I was swept up in the moment, I decided to get one also. I went with something simple that would represent my offspring and my own personality. Stick Art! What better kind of body art than Stick Body Art! Woohoo! I think it looks rather dashing.

Farewell! Farewell! Farewell!

And finally, it was time to bid farewell to the precious Queen and adorable Princess and for me to make my way home.

*That part was complete bullshit. I in no way permanently inscribed a stick man on my body. Feel free to check for yourself... but only if you are a hot mansicle. ;o)

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The Toilet of DOOM Part Deux

I returned to my home about 8 pm on Sunday. I went to the bathroom and when I flushed I watched as the water filled the bowl then slowly, every so slowly receeded and made an odd gurgle noise. Fuck. I knew that the damn TOILET OF DOOM was yet again issueing me a challenge. Being completly exhausted I just walked away and made a mental note to deal with it before bed.

I lay on the couch watching movies* and wating for K and the Little People to return from Shakespear In The Park. They got home a little after midnight and K and I spent the next two hours talking about our respective weekends. The toilet challenge was completly forgotten by me (which sucked because my initiall plan was to plead with K to go plunge the toilet for me).

Monday morning I awoke with an urgency deep within, I had to pee. In my sleepy and sore state I completly forgot the challenge that had been issued by evil and satanic plumbing. I peed in the TOILET OF DOOM and flushed. As I watched the water fill the bowl and start to recede very slowly I sudenly remebered the night before. DAMN IT! It was time for a show down.

I kicked the clothing on the floor out of the way and grabbed my SUPER PLUNGER. As the water had completly receded I lifted the seat and flushed hopeing that this flush wasn't THE ONE to cause a cascade of water from the bowl. Luckily it just filled the bowl. I leaned forward with trusty plunger in hand, muttering ancient voodoo curses under my breath and plunged with gusto. Well actually it was more like a half assed plunge as my arms were still pretty sore from the toobing trip. I flushed. Damn it! I think the toilet is laughing at me now as I watch the water fill the bowl to the top. I plunge again and again and again, flushing cautiously every so often to gage the state of the blockage. At the point that I'm about to tell the Little People that they will have to hike to the gas station every time they need to go, the damn toilet makes a gurgle and clears. I flush a few more times just to be sure and it remains clear.

I'll be setting up a voodoo shrine in the bathroom now as I'm quite certain that all this plumbing activity is the work of evil spirits and voodoo magic. Damn them! Thank goodness for the blessed and wonderful Super Plunger.

*actually it was more like 'I lay on the couch to watch movies but fell asleep drooling on the pillows..."
Most Interesting Excuse

The Tiny Terrorists have come up with a new reason they can not clean, "I can't clean, my legs are asleep!" I give them points for creativity.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Toobing Trip

I had the best time ever, got a little sunburned and quite a bit sore. I have some photos, not a lot. I'll get to the recap of the trip soon - just a busy day, seems the Tiny Terrorists saved up all their EVILNESS for me and now they are letting it all out. *sigh* Gotta go find my duct tape so I can have a moment's peace. Ya know, you would think they would be perfect angles today after I gave them ice cream for breakfast!

Off to domestic duties - more later on jello shots, good food, toobing and my continuing battle with the TOILET OF DOOM! (yes, yes, my nemisis of plumbing has returned to taunt me).
Toobing Trip Recap

Unfortunately I didn't get a whole lot of photos as we spent practically all of Saturday on the river. Friday's photos are minimal as we were driving most of the day and as soon as we got camp set up I commenced with my duty of helping to make room in Sable and Lerxst's ice chest by consumeing Jell-O shots. Hey, don't give me that 'you-are-just-a-lush' look, they needed to make room in the ice chest for food, I was just helping out.


I have no idea what this could possibly be. We saw it outside the quality establishment we chose to eat lunch at Friday. I wonder if the bug had the buffet.

After setting up camp on Friday everyone got into swimsuits and headed to the lake. No toobing that day just standing around in near freezing water splashing each other. Then we all headed back to camp and started making dinner.


I love this photo of her.

Smokin' The Sausage

Captain John threw some seriously good brats on the grill. As you see even Slash enjoyed having Captain John's sausage in his mouth.

Toobing Group

Look! Drunk people!

more drunks

The ED crew - well some of them.


This critter was in the bathroom. Shaz kept telling me about an enormous spider hanging out in the bathroom, and in my inebriated state, I went to look for said spider and all I found was a huge roach. Maybe he ate the spider.

Many of us ended that night quite drunk.


After breakfast we all headed down to the river to float. I ended up with the gimpy, retard tube, which was somehow appropriate as I really was a retard on the river. I had a multitude of issues. First - my swimsuit was too big. I had suspected it when I recieved it and my attempts to fix the problem before the trip were useless as the store I procured the suit from no longer had any suits in my size. Scratch that... they did have ONE suit. It was of a pattern that was so incredibly ugly it could be clasified as being as hidious as cat butt cheeks. At the urgeing of the sales person I actually put the butt cheek patterned swim suit on and was instantly overcome with the urge to vomit. I had to take it off and leave the store screaming. But I digress. The suit wasn't an issue really at that very moment, it was later that it presented issues. My next and most pressing issue was that I am SHORT and I had a tube without a bottom so I had a hell of a time holding my self up in the tube. It got exhausting and I'd slip down in the tube so that all anyone could see was my hat, my arms from the elbow down and my feet sticking up. I looked like a bug stuck on the water. be continued... off to do more domestic things...