Future In A Life Of Crime

I think the Tiny Terrorists are practicing to become cat burgalars. No I'm not making a reference to any type of torture involving my cats, I'm talking about my jewlery.

Today when I woke Destruction up to get Chaos from the bus I pulled the blanket off her as she's very 'moody' when awoken. As I pulled her out of the bed by her toes (she likes it, really she does) I noticed some small things in the bed. I took a closer look and recognized the remains of one of my pearl necklaces. Instantly my face turned red, steam came shooting out of my ears as the top of my head shot right off. Destruction cut her prima donna routine, hopped off the bed and headed for the door shouting "Chaos do'd it!"

I crouched down and picked up all the pearls, gold and garnet beads while Destruction peered around the corner and occasionally pointed me to small cash of beads. After the recovery effort (which I'm not certain recovered all of the necklace) I went to my jewlery box to see what ELSE is missing. Also pilfered were my long strand of pearls, a short double strand of pearls, the matching braclet for the broken necklace and a pearl, onyx and gold bracelet. I am not pleased.

On the walk back from the bus stop I cassually mentioned to Chaos that I wasn't happy that they had been in my jewlery. I wish I had gotten a photograph of her face as I said it, that stunned look was priceless. Her answer was that Destruction had gotten the jewlery. I explained that I KNEW she had something to do with it as Destruction could not reach the top of my dresser to get my jewlery. She explained that Destruction had gotten the jewlery and she saw her with it and I cut in asking why she didn't get me since she KNOWS no one is supposed to be playing with my jewlery and that they were both in trouble now.

When K got home and assessed the situation he made a quick search of thier room and recovered the short double strand of pearls. Chaos got it in her head that we were going to go to a party tonight and dashed upstairs to find the long strand of pearls, so now just two bracelets are missing. Sneaky little brats.

Bits And Pieces

So Super Girl with a broad smile proudly stated that she was going to tell her class about having the snail removed from her ear. Ahhhh, I'm overwhelmed with motherly pride. Then I remembered the two sentences writen on the post removal procedures "Administer childrens Tylenol for pain as needed. DO NOT put any snails in ear." heh.

On to other things...

Christian Conservative groups are now deeply concerned with SpongeBob's gayness. What get's me about this is that what they have a problem with is that 'sexual identity' be included in the 'tolerance pledge'. Hmmm... so basically this group is saying it's morally right to hate gays? M'kay.... How rediculous is it to target cartoon characters and children's show characters in an anti-gay campaign? Come on! Nathan Lane is still alive! What could be gayer than him?? ;o)

Under the influence...

I'm STILL sick. I LOOK sick, like the commercials for the cold/flu medicine. I sound sick - every one who calls says "You sound terrible!", because I'm sick all I manage is a sigh and to say "Yeah I am." Actually I'm feeling better than I have but still sick.

My sister brought me her husband's stash of TheraFlu to help me through this, I how have 4 different formulas of cold/flu remedy to help me through this and have not found the perfect combination of cold/flu remedy to make me appear to be well enough to go to work tomorrow. Tonight will be another Medicine Quest as I search the grocery store for the pills I took last time I had a nasty bug like this, they worked well to make me appear WELL and perky (read: hyper). People cringe at the thought of sick people holding their newborn babies, so I MUST get well.

Weighty issue

Not everything about being sick has been bad. Because I've had either an upset stomach or just no appetite I've managed to take off the last of the 3.5 lbs that Santa deposited on my big ass, either that or blowing one's nose burns more calories than I imagined. eh, whatever, at least they are off.

Tiny Terrorist

I'm happy to report that as of this morning the Little People seem to be nearly recovered from their nasty colds. YAY! They have been most horrible, nasty little beasts this whole time. But the best part of all this is that they seem to no longer be snot factories! Woohoo! I haven't had to say "Go blow/wipe your nose!" all day! Woohoo! The House of Bio-Hazards my finally be coming to an end! Just have to get me well.

Well enough for now, gotta go try to convince a toddler that takeing an early and LONG nap today would be wonderful.

A Snails Tale

A call from the school nurse today regarding Super Girl having a snail in her ear. *sigh* D drove us to the emergency room of a nice shiny new hospital in Plano for snail removal. Because it is a nice shiny new hospital there was no wait and we were in a nice private triage room to await the very good looking and very nice Italian doctor who was quite amused by the snail in the ear prediciment. The very nice handsome Italian doctor deftly removed the crustasian from my childs ear and was kind enough to hold it up for a photo op (D will have to send me the photo to ad here). K had requested the snail so I asked to keep it. Apparently this was the first snail in the ear removal that had been done by the nice handsome Italian doctor and infact first time for the hospital also. I'm hopeing this is our LAST snail in the ear incident.

Best part of the visit:
Me: WHY did you put the snail in your ear?
Her: Because I wanted to keep it.
Me: But why in your ear?
Her: I wanted to hear it slugging around.
Me: *big sigh, eyes rolling*

Worst part of the visit:
All of my anti cold/flu medicine had worn off and I was getting increasingly congested and coughing more and more and my ears were starting to feel as though I too had snails slugging around in them. Ugh...

Pure or NOT!

Go to PureScore and check your score. I took the test three times and scored a big fat 0 with three fireballs EACH TIME! Apparently I'm a deviant with no redeming qualities and would fuck just about anything, anywhere. Which, let me assure you is absolutly NOT true... at least the ANYONE part... that's not true at all, just XXX... or Vin Diseil... maybe Brad Pitt. ;o)

Go take the test, leave your results in the coments to make me feel better (or worse) knowing you are also completly deviant (or not).

Ramblings Of The Infectious Kind
*note - I just finished posting a nice long post and fucking blogger/IE gave me a blank page when I posted and I lost it all. Fuck. So if this is not very interesting or lacks humor, that is the reason.

I'm still sick. Not horribly sick, but sick enough to feel horrible on and off through out the day. Sick enough to high fever occasionally but generally a low fever that breaks with copious amounts of OTC medications. Weeee.

I'm not sure what's the worst part of this cold/flu shit. The cough, the runny nose, the sore throat or the tiredness that feels like lead weights tied to one's extremities. It all sucks.

I fall asleep every time I sit on the sofa. Last night I fell asleep watching LOTR: Two Towers and that fight scene with the orcs riding the worgs kept running through my head.

When K got home yesterday evening we headed out on a quest to procure cold/flu concoctions, so it was off to WallyWorld! I tossed the WallyWorld brand of Nyquil and found a childrens multi-symptom concoction for the Tiny Terrorists then considerd my options for day time relief of my bothersome symptoms. Hmmm.... So many to choose from... I finally decided on the WallyWorld brand of DayQuil, though an unnatural orange color I was won over by the fact that it was just $2.48 and I had always had dandy results with the faux Nyquil.

Last night was full of delightful Nyquil dreams (well until it wore off and I had to get more, but it's all good now). This morning I poured myself a shot of the orange elixer, somewhat expecting it to taste vaguely orangy/mediciny and was rudely shocked when it tasted neither orangy or mediciny or even like Nyqil. It tasted like what I imagine bleach and cat piss mixed together might taste. I mean is that shit supposed to burn my throat??? I gaged and had to FORCE myself to swallow. I'm now hopeing that I will feel VASTLY better by 2pm or maybe I'll be able to scrounge a forgotten cold/flu tablet somewhere in the pantry. And that shit about it being for the DAY as in not going to make you sleepy, well that's bull. I put on Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, sat down on the sofa and the next thing I know I'm waking up to the credits rolling and Cabbage Patch babbling about a tea party and the cat. Go figure.

Letter To The Cosmos

Dear Higher Power;

First and foremost I'd like to ask where my real child is? This little beast who looks like mine is wearing on my very last nerve. I know this creature isn't my sweet child as my child is well sweet and she would never have stacked her chair and her stool on top of an over turned toy chest to get to the top shelf in her closet to remove everything and throw it on the floor, nor would she have taken everything out of her drawers, scatter it all over her room and stand on her dresser, I am confident in saying that my child would not have removed every picture on my wall within her short grasp and she definitly would hot have opened the gerbil cage and tossed bedding all over the living room. Why have you made this horrible switch? Why did you choose to do it while I am ill and when can I have MY child back?

Also, please enlighten me on whatever possesed Super Girl to place a small rock or snail shell (that's what the school nurse said it looked like) in her freaking ear?

Another thing, I'm still sick, can we get this over with already? Have I not got enough going on in my life already?

Warmly,
Judy

Welcome To Bio-Hazard Central!
Complimentary virus on your way out!

I'm sick. I'm also in pain (headache). And I'm coughing. My stomach is upset too. I think this is the flu. I need a shower but I keep falling asleep on the couch. I should still be sleeping - to get better, but my fever has broken briefly and now I'm thinking of all the things I need to do but am to freaking tired to do. Fuck it, I'm going back to bed.

Missed My Calling

So my very dear friend A called tonight. This is a rarity as she's so freaking busy with her life that the only uninterupted time she can talk is at work (but that's a bad idea as I make her laugh and then it's OBVIOUS that she's not working (which is what she pretends to do as she surfs the internet and reads this blog - Love ya A!) and that might just get her fired and as a direct result get me murdered in a most horrible way (I know this as she'd probably call me while she was driving over to kill me and ask the most horrible and painful way to kill someone and in my morbid slightly evil enthusiam I would tell her in great detail but I would neglect to ask exactly WHO she wanted to kill until the very end when she would laugh manicaly for a really long time as she walked up to my door and kocked then say YOU! and hang up... and of course I'd open the door and be murdered by my own methods... hmmm? what was I talking about?) or in her car on the way home. (Hey, someone else called me last week while he was driving home for just about the same reason, although I don't think he'd ever try to murder me (Yo, M, speak up now if you do, just fill me in ya know.) so I'm starting to think that people like calling me as they drive for some reason, maybe because it's really easy to get off the phone if I'm being a total fucking bore (I know it's hard to belive, me being boreing *snicker*) you can just say "Whoa! Gotta go I'm about to get a ticket - although I'd ask that they didn't hang up so I could hear them get a ticket. What? I know I'm evil, get over it) So if you are driving home, feel free to call me, apparently I'm much more entertaining than the traffic.)

A and I were catching up on things, her mom is still dead (I'm not being insensitive, it was funny on the phone!), she's still working and she's ALMOST divorced (A, I dedicate this song to you, although I like this one too, but THIS ONE is my FAVORITE (so ignore the other links)) as in all that NEEDS to happen is her scrawny-little-jerk-ass-unemployed-leach-of-a-man-husband... er, um... I mean *gag* *gag* Huuuuusssband needs to sign the papers. So I gave her some valuable advice (Others would call it unsolicited bullshit that should be kept rattling around my empty head, but I like to think it's worth at least the breath I was breathing it as I flew out of my mouth). I suggested she go in her house and say to him "Gonna sign the papers?" then if he says NO casually mention something about getting his lazy deported (it would be easy to get a divorce in abstencia at that point- it's not like he's really fucking been there all these years ANYWAY, so what's the difference???) or maybe alude to being able to kill him, ya know, with out a body, he'd just be a missing person.

She was laughing very hard and mentioned that I had missed my calling, I quickly said "Marriage counselor?" as I KNOW that's what she meant. I mean what the hell, I'm practically an expert on disfunctional marriages (married to a gay man, 'member) and hell I've been through 4 years of counseling for the marriage, so that practically gives me a degree in counseling! (I could use my years of my own personal counseling for my own personal crazies as credit for a masters - really) My other sage advice that spewed forth was that if he STILL didn't want to sign to start being creepy, like when she pours the carpet freshener on the carpet before vaccuuming to pour it into a pentagram or runes or something, write his name in ketchup on the meatloaf - make it look like it's in blood and leave a knife in the center, anxiously ask him if the drink she just brought him tastes funny then say no reason when he asks WHY and walk away snickering (tis great fun to make someone THINK you are poisoning even when you aren't - hey, stop looking at me, I already admitted I AM EVIL).

Anyway, in all the laughing she was doing as I was advising (I take that as a good sign, laughter means agreement) I forgot to tell her that when the Big D happens we need to have a party or a drunken night out. That will be something to CELEBRATE! Whoohoo! Petey you up for a little drunken debauchery?

*Note: Don't even think of mentioning all the misspellings, etc. I've got a BRAIN FEVER (which is different than a BRIAN FEVER, which is what I wrote first, I belive that involves watching too much of Python's 'Life Of Brian' (which I love because I am Evil... I mean a Jew, because I'm a Jew)). It's cool K just got me something for my ailment - Tylenol PM or asprin or roofies, not sure.

Is Ebay An Option?

Someone make it stop for fuck-sake! Sheesh. Today.... I'm getting the wee one's disease - their mini-misson of infecting everyone with their vile illness is working slowly but surely. And what's the worst part? The snot! Damn, why is it that ever 2 or so hours I look at one of my children and they have a river of snot down their face. What the fuck? Can they not feel it? I know when my nose is running I can fucking feel it and I BLOW MY NOSE! That and listening to the gurguly, bubbly breathing of a child who needs to BLOW THIER NOSE. That disgusting noise just makes me want to jab hot butter knives in my ears to make it stop! It's not like we don't have a freaking tissue around here - so BLOW YOUR DAMN NOSE CHILDREN!

What else sucks? The Tiny Terrotists ARE being terrorists today. They stacked their chair and stool on top of a toy box to get to a wall hanging above their closet door AND to remove EVERYTHING from the top shelf in their closet. *sigh* So much for them playing quietly in their room.

Another thing that sucks is that the cold medication I gave them DOESN'T make them sleepy! Why? Why? Why? For the love of gawd, why? Sick progeny is bad enough, but sick energetic, non sleeping progeny is the WORST.

And I miss XXX. I'm really wishing I had one more day with him... or two... or a week... or two... *sigh*

Post Weekend Report

I had a great weekend. XXX is so wonderful. He picked me up from the airport dressed in a kilt. That is by far the sexiest thing a man can wear. XXX is already an irresistably sexy man, the addition of the kilt left me weak in the knees and damp in the panties. I wasn't sure what to do, stand there and admire his splendor or drag him off to bed for carnal pleasures. I'm sure you can guess which impulse won out - I had all that book learning to try out anyway! My only regret is that I didn't get a photgraph of him in that kilt - I get a involuntary evil grin every time I think of him in it.

The book - I'm not completly finished reading it, but I had read plenty by the time I arrived in San Antonio. XXX is going to have to leave a review as to whether the book was worth the $$ or not.

Anyway, we had a lot of really fabulous sex, we watched some movies, ate some, had some drinks, more fabulous sex and just hung out and had fun. I love being with him no matter what we are doing.

Leaving is always the difficult part, I miss him as soon as I get out of his car. I was just on the verge of tears as I walked to the gate, I just didn't want the weekend to end. *sigh* he really is a very special man.

Anyway, had a great time, had fabulous sex, good food and can't wait to see him again.