Friday, June 11, 2004

Better Than A Voodoo Doll!
(well almost)

Tonight when K returns from his boyfriend he will be greeted with...

Angry Albino Sock Monkey!


Update!! 6/12/04 - 9 pm
Angry Albino Sock Monkey Has got to be the best prank I have pulled on K! He arrived home exceeding late last night (this morning really) so I was pissed with him. I could not sleep until I knew he saw Angry Albino Sock Monkey! I was seriously tempted to follow him up the stairs with the camera to capture the 'special moment' of discovery, but I'm glad I didn't. I heard nothing from him after he went upstairs to bed so I erroneously thought he had not turned on the overhead light in his room and therefore had not seen the Angry Albino Sock Monkey hanging from the ceiling fan chain. Today I called from work while on a break and asked if he made a discovery. He said that Angry Albino Sock Monkey was horribly disturbing. He saw the monkey hanging from the chain and when he turned it around to see it's face he was completely creeped out. I started laughing hysterically (while in the waiting area of work... People were giving me odd looks). He said that if I had been behind him waiting with a camera to capture the 'special moment' he might have just had to push me down the stairs! HAHAHAHAHA! He was thankful I did not put a fake knife in Angry Albino Sock Monkey's hand as I had considered, he didn't think he would have been able to sleep at all if that had happened. K has asked that I never make another Angry Albino Sock Monkey! But fuck him! This is far to much fun. I sent a picture of Angry Albino Sock Monkey! to XXXX I'm waiting to hear what he thinks (no I didn't make one for him). I've laughed about all this all freaking day long.

Anyone want an Angry Albino Sock Monkey? Makes a great gift! Isn't Father's Day coming up? What better way to let Dad know what you think of him than with an Albino Sock Monkey! e-mail me.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Yet Another One Down

I have eradicated yet ANOTHER vile eight legged beast.

(if I'm carried off in the night by a hoard of disgusting spiders, you'll know why.)
Margaritas & Ice Cream

Are a bad combo. Take my word on this. Ewww... Luckily I'm not really really drunk, but I am infact drunk. I wouldn't trust me to drive anyone - note even drive anyone to drink!

The Ice Cream with extra chocolate sauce seemed like a really good idea after the first margarita and when Ordered the second. Now back home after two gargantuan margaritas I'm not so sure. No I don't feel sick, just a pain in my stomache, but I'm sure you don't really care about that so enough of my bitching and moaning.

Went out to dinner and drinks with K. It seemed like a good idea. Drinking sweet icy drinks when disapointed, upset or sad seems like a natural thing to do. I'm fine really, I just wanted some drinks.

We went to a local place. Seemed to be a biker bar. HAH! A biker bar amidst the prim and proper homeowners association members of the ranch. It was a very very tame Centrum Silver group of bikers though. Some hot men were present but the vast majority of leather wearing, Harley driving men were over 50. Very disapointing. Not that I actually go for that kind of man - the biker sort - but a hot man in a tight black t-shirt and jeans is always nice to look at. The 50-something, not hot, in black t-shirt and jeans, grandpa-man is just not.

This place was EXPENSIVE also. So two drinks was about all I could AFFORD! Yikes.

Now I'm a little drunk, sitting her in my bra and panties (new set - I just bought them, buying undies makes me feel better - even if said set of undies looks much less hot on me than it did on the hanger at the store) writing in my blog. Probably not a good idea. I suppose it's better than some things though.

Eh, that's all I can think to say. I think I'll go comment on ramdom blogs since I'm drunk.
And So It Has Begun

The spiders have heard my decree and have taken it as a challenge. Just moments ago a pernicious little web weaver dropped down in an ill thought out attempt to ensnare my offspring. The Little People's cries of distress were heard by me and in a swift move to save my offspring from peril, I smashed the little blighter. Score one for Judy, zero for the malevolent eight legged beasties.

All right spiders, I accept your challenge. Bring it on. I have a full can of Aqua Net and a large shoe.

Since I spent a large amount of time at the orthodontist office yesterday I had the rare opportunity to read magazines I don't normally read - and old ones at that! (translation: Out of sheer boredom I was forced to read old bad magazines to keep my head from exploding)

One such magazine was discussing "The Swan". This is a show I've only heard of and never watched. The first time I heard of it, I thought it was a joke. A reality show based on all the contestants getting serious amounts of cosmetic surgery and who ever turned out 'best' is the winner. Ridiculous calling these shows 'reality'. Anyway the article showed all the contestants and different 'professionals' critiqued the show and the contestants. It was kind of amusing and spiteful at the same time. The plastic surgeon was complaining that the contestants who got boob jobs got implants that were too large. The dentists were saying that everyone's teeth were over bleach leaving them too white and giving them a 'Minnie Mouse' smile. heh... Very funny. I can even hear the Mouse's giggle. The one thing that seemed especially nasty was the hair dresser. He complained that they had the Stepford Wife thing going with everyone having the same hair style and that everyone's hair was too long. That men don't like really long hair. WHAT? I had to look at the picture of the contestants again. No one had a bad hair style. No one had hair that was even as long as mine. Most had hair that was a few inches past their shoulders. And WTF? I've never known a man who didn't like long hair - I'm sure there are men who prefer women with short hair, but I've never met them. And I've NEVER had a man tell me my hair was too long - ever. Most of the time when I mention getting my hair cut, I get panicked looks from men and admonishments to not cut it too much. Anyway, sounds like a snarky comment from a pissy queen who was jealous he wasn't chosen to be the hair fairy for the show. Hair Fairies can be so bitchy.

Speaking of hair... My timer just went off, time to go rinse - I'm a 'Natural' redhead again.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Itsy Bitsy Spider

Tonight a little bitty spider invaded my computer space. That is not acceptable. I don't like spiders. I fear them (long standing psychological trauma). Even little ones. Though lately I've tried to have a kinder gentler view of the 8 legged ones. I had two people admonish me for killing spiders. Both telling me how killing a spider in the house was bad luck and how spiders kill so many insects and how they are good for the environment, yadda, yadda, yadda. So? So I tried to be non lethal to spiders. Tonight the little bitty nefarious looking black spider was above my computer. I TRIED to ignore it. I did. I have managed to ignore a spider that has been building a web outside my door for the past week - I don't kill bugs that are kind and respectful enough to not invade my residence. (K has a no kill policy on most bugs and will catch and release - I say kill those who have broken my law of no pay, no living in my house, take no chances on them coming back.) I could not ignore the evil little spider - the thought of it hiding in my papers just waiting for me made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. It had to die. I smacked at it. It ran. I smacked. It ran. I yelped. It ran and dropped a line to escape. The line brought the little bastard nearly into my glass. I screamed for spider death. I tried to move my glass. It jumped on my glass and ALMOST TOUCHED ME!!! All bets were off. Kinder and gentler was out the fucking window. I wanted death... And to be far away from creepy spider. K came out of the kitchen and rescued the afore mentioned spider. RESCUED the SPIDER. Bastard. I wanted it dead. It terrorized me. Much like the Spider in Miss Muffet - I would have run away also, but not before trying to beat the spider to death with anything around. K released the spider into the wilds... My plants. Damn it. Now the spider has time to plan and re-enter my home to terrorize me! Damn little eight legged terrorists!

Now to all who tell me it's BAD luck to kill a spider inside. FUCK YOU. I don't need spiders in my house to 'kill bugs' the exterminator comes out 3 times a year for that. I don't need webs hanging from all the corners and creepy eight legged critters hanging out waiting for a bite to eat. Ewwww... And I certainly do not need to be panicked at my computer while surfing for porn. ;o)

Listen up spiders, if you are IN my home, I will spray you with anything handy until you die. I will sick my cat on you. I will smack you with a large shoe (I've already taught the little people to do that). Your horrible mangled body will be flushed down a toilet. I will kill you. Do not enter my home. You will die. Spiders, Don't Fuck With Me.

I hate spiders.
Minus The Braces

Me braceless

I thought I would include a picture of me since I've recently lost 10 lbs also. :o) I'm a happy camper!
My How Times Have Changed

"I'd like it made as gay as possible."

Made me giggle. It's a line out of a Shirley Temple movie... Back when GAY was HAPPY. (although most GAY's I know - and I do know several being married to one - are pretty happy).
The Word of the Day for Jun 09 is:

propinquity \pruh-PING-kwuh-tee\ noun

1 : nearness of blood : kinship
*2 : nearness in place or time : proximity

With the rain slowing traffic, I was thankful for the orthodontist office's propinquity to me, as I would not want to be late to get my braces removed.

I get my braces off today! I'm so excited! And nervous. Not sure why I'm nervous, but I am. More excited thought - after 4 years they are finally coming off!!!

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

More Junk

To take up space until I have time to sit and write an actual post.

Stolen from Jewdez blog.

1. Money is no object...Pick a car. Fully loaded PT cruiser with custom paint job (either cow spots full with horns on the hood or metallic black with flames).

2. You are stranded on a deserted island, pick only one book to bring. Sandman: The Dolls House. I love that one... Actually any of them.

3. You can no longer live in the United States, pick a South American country to move to and why. Oh fuck, you asked that just to show everyone my complete lack of knowledge in geography... I'll get back to you on that one.

4. Pick the one state you'd love to live in besides the one you live in now, and why. Oregon, it's supposed to be beautiful and much less polluted than here and it has 4 seasons!!!! I could even excuse the fact that it snows there just to enjoy the turning of the leaves.

5. Ladies, pick the one (living) actor you'd love to have dinner with. And men, pick the one (living) actress, you'd love to shag take to dinner. Only one??? That's not fair! Johny Depp or Sting (yeah I know it said only one). They both seem intelligent and are dangerously sexy. *sigh* I'd be serving desert in bed of course.

6. Pick a language you'd like to learn or learn more of. Spanish.

7. Pick an instrument you'd like to learn to play. bongos - who else would know how to play them?

Monday, June 07, 2004

The Box

The Lovely long awaited photos of the box. This is just the top, the inside and one of the sides. I haven't taken pictures of the other side, the inside of the top or the front of the box. Lazy me.
Porn To Save The Earth!

Just read it... Porn For The Environment

Now that's a great idea.
I'm Just Trying To Be A Genius!

Sex makes you clever
The Word of the Day for Jun 07 is:

echelon \ESH-uh-lon\ noun

1 : a steplike arrangement
*2 a : one of a series of levels or grades in an organization or field of activity b : the individuals at such a level

In the last corporate job I worked, as my boss moved to the upper echelon of management he made several avoidable mistakes (i.e. screwing over people) that ultimately cost him his comfortable position and earned him the opportunity to be laid off just like the rest of us. Ain't karma a bitch?

My lovely art work!

Here is a picture of the card I enclosed with the gift.

I'm very proud of it.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Things Said Tonight That Probably Should Not Have Been...

The nipple is on the loose!!! Help the nipple!! It needs mouth-to-mouth!

Yeah, well you don't know how I like to play.

Aww damn! Now I'm going to have to take care of the check! And I didn't even bring my knee pads.

Wooah... I'm not responsible for what I'm saying, he is - he's the one that he'd drive.

Three out of four of us at this table prefer Patrick to Jenn so fuck you.

Well that's because I am funny... And drunk.

Wow. 5 Martinis (dirty - extra dirty) sure do liven up a couples bridal shower.