Employment Happens, Cue Anxiety Attack

Yes, yes it is true. I am EMPLOYED again. It’s exciting… to me anyway. I am going to be trained as a CAKE DECORATOR! Which is completely amazing and fabulous and for anyone who knows my love of CAKE (frosting), it’s a PERFECT MATCH for me! Woohoo! Just call me Cupcake from now on!

Anyway, I went for my drug test on Thursday and was quite surprised when they took a HAIR sample instead of a URINE sample. I spent all day Wednesday drinking water and practicing peeing in a cup for nothing! Well not really, I spent most of Wednesday on the couch feeling sick, but hey, that’s what happens when I drink a MILK shake! Have I mentioned that I’m LACTOSE INTOLERANT?? I have, well why the hell do I keep forgetting that? Whatever, MOVING ON… I go fill out the rest of my paper work today – pending the results of my drug test (thank goodness I gave up my expensive cocaine habit about the same time I gave up the Members Only jackets, Miami Vice and parachute pants) – and go for orientation Tuesday evening. YAY! I have a JOB!

Shortly after the realization of that fabulous fact, I needed to sit down, breath into a paper bag and put my head between my legs. Not so much because I’m finally employed again, but because I realized that now that the Little People’s summer break is quickly approaching that I would need to find DAY CARE for them. (Hold on a sec, the air has once again been sucked from the room, feeling dizzy… no worries… it’ll pass). The last day of school for them is the day AFTER Memorial Day (WTF? Why make them go BACK after the holiday???). Until the end of school, my neighbor has said he is more than willing to watch the girls after school while I work, then two weeks after school the offspring will be in the Kid Nirvana with D. Therefore, I have THAT much time to find affordable DAY CARE, which is well, nearly impossible. Thursday evening I spent many hours on the internet searching my options, fretting over the cost, and doing complicated math problems I thought I had left far behind when I finally passed college algebra.
REGISTRATION COST + EXTRA STUFF FEES = $$$ NEEDED TO GET THEM IN
WEEKLY FEES X NUMBER OF OFFSPRING = ALL OF MY CHECK + SOME MONEY I PULL OUT OF MY ASS

Thursday night I slept very little due to the DAY CARE induced anxiety attacks. Luckily, I was lying down so there was no danger of me passing out and banging my head on something hard… like a cat.

As luck would have it, Super Girl brought home a flyer for the Boys & Girls Club for their Summer Camp program and I was SHOCKED to see that it is actually AFFORDABLE. Well the weekly fee is affordable. The REGISTRATION is the cost of the weekly fee + membership fees for both progeny. It is a little high, but the weekly cost isn’t so high so it works out… or so I think. I was never good with math. Numbers BURN!

However, it means that there is no way in hell I can go to faire final weekend. Just cannot happen. All the money I will be making will need to go towards registration and the first week of DAY CARE. IN ADDITION, well I will probably have to work that weekend so… *sniff* no faire! I will live, it’s all worth it – the job will be incredibly cool.

PS - please note my most impressive use of ALL CAPS. I know, I amaze even myself. ;)

Playing Catch Up

So let’s see…where to start…. Mother’s Day. Okay Mother’s Day just passed. For a couple of weeks prior to the big day, the offspring would ask me if I wanted DIAMONDS every time they saw a Kay’s Jewelry commercial (damn K for getting CABLE! More on that later.) this would both amuse me and disturb me. Damn those commercials! Saturday K and the wee people went to a baseball game (YAWN!) with K’s boyfriend then spent the night at his house. So I had utter peace and quiet that evening. And nothing to do. No matter, I sat on the couch, painted my nails and watched What Not To Wear so many times I started to have a panic attack when I looked at my camo Capri pants.

Sunday rolled around and I did something I haven’t been able to do in many many years. I slept in. I slept in really late. I even got up, made a piece of toast and went BACK TO BED!!! It was AWESOME. Only the cats tried to wake me that morning and I just shoved them off the bed. Though I was enjoying the silence, I was starting to miss the family by lunchtime… It was my day for them to be my SERVANTS and my SERVANTS were not there to SERVE ME! Luckily, K was headed home with the progeny to take me out for a delightful Mexican lunch, which was good because I was really tired of eating toast.

Lunch was fabulous; the best part being dessert of the people shaped sopapias – sopapeople. Which look more than just a little bit like voodoo dolls (which is why I HAD to order them). When my adorable little Tiny Terrorists got their sopapeople, they did the cutest thing! They started quoting CSI and pretending they were doing autopsies! It melted my heart. However, discussing taking out vital organs seemed to displease the table next to us. How was I to know they weren’t big fans of CSI?

We topped off the day by going to the store to buy ME some art supplies and ME reminding the offspring that it was all about ME and they had to SERVE ME for the day. (Can you believe they thought that was utter bullcrap and REBELED against the suggestion?!?!?!?! Talk about ungrateful!) All in all it was a most fabulous Mother’s Day!

PS – I got a steak dinner also!