Laughs For The Weekend

A friend of mine forwarded me this e-mail:

: An operations manager for Jack in the Box was late for a
: meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was
: leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to
: provide "play by play" of the incident. This is the actual voice mail
: message. It was forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box, it
: crashed their voice mail server."

Click on the e-mail and listen to the message. I laughed so much.

And for something completly different...

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

My youngest sleeps with a voodoo doll.

I made the doll a couple of years ago... not that I actually intended to inflict pain or anything on anyone with the doll, I don't really believe that is possible, but throwing the damn doll in the dryer every time that bitch pissed me off really made me feel better.

Hmmm... maybe I need to make more voodoo dolls... I have just the person in mind to model it after too.

MOOOOOOO!


Got a headache? How 'bout some cow pee elixer to help that out? 'Roids? Try some cow dung! Well maybe not here, but in India it's being sold to help just about everything. Read it here.

I don't know about you, but I think I'll keep my cow consuption to BEEF and not excrement of any kind. Ewwwww...

Proof That People Are Stupid!

If you are ever in doubt of that fact go to Ebay and look at some of the things in the Weird Stuff catagory. Several people have 'Mystery Box'es listed which promise something of 'great value' inside. The thing that trips me is that people are BIDDING on them! I saw one up to $700! What the fuck? Why bid that much on a box with stuff in it that you don't even know if you want?

Need more proof? Someone is selling a Dick Cheney on Black Velvet and someone else has bid on it! (this just makes me think of one of D's ex-boyfriends who had a shit load of black velvet paintings in his apartment - much snickering was done after that visit to his apartment)

So Early In The Year And I'm Already Losing Points!

As in for the Mother Of The Year. Today Cabbage Patch was taking a drink of Dr. Pepper from a bottle and some how when she brought the bottle down from her lips it managed to splash Dr. Pepper right in her face causing her to have the most shocked and amazed look on her little face... and causing me to snicker under my breath for a moment. Bad mommy.

Nekked Fun

In the past few weeks I've run into a couple of articles about naked stuff. Like a group of people who dine naked (where do you keep your wallet???) or people playing tennis naked. Yeah tennis.

Some things are great done naked, like having a naked tickle fight. I can sort of see the whole dining naked thing. I mean if you spill you aren't ruining a shirt and all - just if it's hot soup or something.. well ya might want some pants or something on. I mean, damn! Hot food can be dangerous! Other than that, I'm not sure I'd like a bunch of naked people around when I'm trying to eat.

Now tennis naked I just don't understand. All the running around makes things flop and jiggle. I mean I can't imagine many guys wanting their balls flopping around for that long! I couldn't watch, I'd keep thinking about how darn painful their balls would be after the match.

Naked tickle fight = gooooood, Naked dinner = okay, Naked tennis = ouchie bad

What A Waste!

That gigantic lobster died. Damn, what a shame! All I can think about is all that tasty lobster meat going to waste. They should have cooked that bad boy while they had a chance.

Gotta Love Ebay!

Tawny Peaks is selling one of her 'crazy big' implants. She had size 69-HH implants! Holy crap! Go ahead, bid on it!

Drama Night!

So apparently tonight was Drama Night at karaoke and I didn't get the memo. One fresh break up, two ex-girlfriends (or three actually), one jilted drunk, one psychotic exhusband story and one sappy happy love story. It was not the night for love, let me tell you, hell I'm almost afraid to talk to XXX now! Oh yeah and I got invited to something, but I can't talk about it yet! It's a secret! Woohoo!

Random Crap Cluttering My Mind...

Did you know...
The small, fuzzy kiwifruit may pack a big punch when it comes to heart health.
Eating kiwifruit every day may help lower triglyceride levels, according to a recent study. Reducing triglyceride levels and other blood fats helps to guard against the buildup of dangerous arterial plaques. The vitamin C, vitamin E, and polyphenol content of kiwifruit may be the reason for its heart benefits.

RealAge Benefit: Eating a diverse diet that includes 4 servings of fruit per day can make your RealAge as much as 4 years younger.
I didn't know that. I read it in an e-mail. SPAM can be educational at times and not just learning what pills and exercises will make a penis larger and rock hard for a long time.

On to other things I've discovered...
When I'm in the mood to waste time and chat, everyone else is busy. Fuck, somebody talk to me!!! IM me! Call me! Contact me telepatically! Something!!!

Okay, I'm done.

Asprin doesn't do shit for me on a sinus headache. My head hurts.

Enlightening Event

The other night K fixed the light on the fan. What was wrong with the fan you may be asking? (probably not, but it might make sense if I tell you) Days earlier I had pulled the chain to turn the light off and the chain came off in my hands. I never called the maintenance man to come fix it as I'm terribly forgetful about things that aren't a constant irritant and since I rarely have the light on during the day, I never rememberd to call. Around 6 or so every day I'd remember and think, "Oh, I should have called about that... too late now, better do it tomorrow". K got tired of waiting on my lame ass to call for repair and decided to do something terribly manly (and thus endanger his status as a GAY male and risk having his GAY CARD taken away), he decided to FIX the light. This brought great fear to me as K is not the most mechanically incline or electrically inclined. He can plunge a toilet as well as the next guy and has managed to fix a wonky disposal a couple of times, and has worked on the computers, but not much else in the MANLY GUY stuff catagory. I was actually afraid he would end up shocking the crap out of himself and I'd hurt myself stiffleing laughter then be filled with unending guilt for days - hey, don't give me that "You're such an insufferable bitch" look, he has blown up the computer before and believe me I suffer plenty. Anyway he managed to get things taken apart without injury, figured he needed a new part, went and got it and put things back together by himself. No shocks. The only little kvetch is that the light bulb fixture part didn't go back in right and it's kind of hanging there inside the glass globe covering it and as the fan turns, it shakes back and forth slightly, and the chain on the light/fan shakes making it tap against the glass rythmicly, just a little... but... enough... to... drive me to drink!!! *sigh*

Anyway, good job of fixing the fan K, I'm truly impressed you managed to do it quickly and without self injury. ;o)

that's all for now, I suppose I need to actually do some work.

This Just Makes Me Hungry

I just read this story about a giant lobster and I'm left with one question... would I have a pot large enough to cook that sucker?

Something Guaranteed To Offend!

Go check out the Dress Up Jesus! It's hours of fun! (well at least a few minutes)

Yet Another Stupid Thing...
But It Made Me Laugh

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Prowling out of the desert, carrying a piece of chainlink fence, cometh Judypooh! And she gives an ominous cry: "I'm going to fuck you until you pee fire!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

*snerk* Can't help think of XXX with that one. Wondering if he's walking straight yet. ;o)

All laced up!


Once K got home, I enlisted him to lace me all the way up. Looks better and now I have BOOBIES!

my new corset


(ignore how dorky I look in the picture, focus on the corset)
I'm so proud of myself, I finished my new corset, but that's not why I'm so proud - I laced it up myself (behind my back)! Well all except the last two grommets at the bottom. It needs to be tightened and fully laced, but I think it looks good - and will look even better with my black chemise.

I am 46% Asshole/Bitch.

I may think I am an asshole or a bitch, but the truth is I am a good person at heart. Yeah sure, I can have a mean streak in me, but most of the people I meet like me.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

Funny, I thought I'd be more of a bitch.

Watching Too Much Sports

Watch this. Oh yeah, that's my commercial. (Thanks Petey for the link)

Penis Envy

I was just reading a post on a blog where in a woman relayed how she had a discussion with a friend that involved them discussing their mates penis size. I'm not even going to ASK how many women do THAT, because I KNOW WAY TOO MANY who do. I personally don't, never have, and I never would with ANYONE who would actually KNOW my boyfriend/husband/lover/etc. First of all penis size doesn't impress me at all. Talent and knowing how to get me THERE and getting me THERE impresses me, so someone talking about what a big dick their boyfriend has does nothing but make me think what a classless 'ho they are. Secondly WHY would you discuss your mates' privates? Have you no respect for your mate?

Men, how do you feel about your mate discussing your cock? Is it cool with you or does it make you a little uneasy. I'm not talking about BRAGGING about your bedroom antics, I'm taking about her talking about how you measure up and only that - because believe it or not guys often the conversation is JUST about size and not about prowess. Is this a conversation you are comfortable with?

Just wondering.

And Now For Something Completly Different...

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

I found these endlessly amuseing as it obviously show's my pure redneck white trash back ground. (I did it twice because I'm wearing leopard print panties, I put in tan for the klan white and leopard print for the spousal abuse black & blue.)

And now yet another stupid quiz...

Your Love Number is

2 Of all the numbers, you are the most caring and empathetic lover. Unselfish and humble, you find it easy to forgive your sweetie's mistakes. At times, your need to please can be come a bit too needy. As long as you remain somewhat independent, your relationships are perfectly balanced.

What Is Your Love Number?

Hmmm... I think that might be correct...

And finally...

Your Brain is 33.33% Female, 66.67% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

I've said that before.

Office Space With A Twist

This was sent to me... I laughed so hard. Go, watch, especially if you are at work. ;o)

Dr. Pepper


This weekend while I was haveing a fabulous time in San Antonio, K took the kids to the Dr. Pepper plant in Dublin TX. It's the oldest Dr. Pepper bottling plant in the world and it has a all this cool stuff there to see. I almost wish I could have gone with them to see that... almost.

When K and the kids picked me up at the airport there was a Dr. Pepper waiting in the car for me. Not just any Dr. Pepper, but a Dr. Pepper made with Real Imperial Sugar (not corn syrup). It was quite good.

Last night as I headed off to bed and was standing in my doorway chatting, K said "Oh, theres a box of Dr. Pepper on your bed." To which I responded "Yeah right, I wish." Then I stepped in and saw... a box of Dr. Peppers on my bed "Oh! There really is one!" A nice end to a really great weekend.

Bend Over, This Won't Hurt Much

The ticket is taken care of... for this month. The lovely city of Plano offers payment plans for tickets for us broke dicks who can't fork over $400+ at the drop off a hat. I did this last month with one ticket and got an extention on the other ticket. This month I paid off the one ticket and added the other to the payment plan, and only had to pay $100. Well today, I only had to pay $100. It cost $50 to do the payment plan. Yeah, sucks. At least I'm not in jail.

This Post Brought To You Today By The Letter S, As In Stress!!!!

Back from my little vacation in SA and I'm imediately bombarded with my stressful life. Generally speaking my life doesn't stress me that much. Today is another story, had to clean the living room (it would be so lovely if the Cleaning Fairy would pay a visit while I'm gone on the weekends), find my ticket info as today is the day I have to go make payment, etc - and when I find the papers I see that the due date for that was 2/27/05!!!! YESTERDAY! So I panic for 60 seconds as I call the court house and am told that it's cool, it's fine just come in and pay TODAY, yesterday the court house was closed so I have until the next business day to take care of the ticket. Whew... (yes I know, I'm always right under the wire on things, I absolutly hate that, but what the fuck.) Anyway, I breath a little eaiser - then remember that Excal is second weekend in March so I have until then to get a couple of projects finished! YIKES! I had hoped to get more sewing (as in to sell) done before now - that didn't work out. And money, I'm stressing over money, my check should have been here this past Thursday and it's not here YET, I'm anxiously waiting for the mail to get here in hopes that the CHECK will be IN the MAIL!!!!

I did have a spectacular weekend though.

Fun At The Airport

So I'm in SA with XXX have a great time. *sigh* Just thought I'd fill you in on the fun one can have at the airport thanks to two wee children and on gay husband.

I got to the airport with plenty of time, go to the security check point, put my luggage on the belt, put my purse in the container, take off my shoes and put them in my container, take off my jacket and put it in the container, take off my shirt... oh wait.. that was later... anyway... I walk through the metal detector and wait for my items to get x-rayed. As I wait the security person stops the conveyor, re-checks the items and calls someone to take the container because theres SOMETHING there. It's MY purse. The man pulls me to the side and tells me that there are scissors in my purse. I say "What? Scissors? I don't have scissors." He informs me that Yes I do have scissors and proceeds to paw through my purse and produce a tiny pair of scissors. I've NEVER seen them before, my only explanation is that the Tiny Terroists planted them in my purse to add to the excitement of my trip. I told the guy he could throw the scissors away because I'd never seen them. He did, I went on.

Once in the terminal waiting on my plane, I decided that I would go ahead and get some thing to eat since I wouldn't arrive until 9 pm. I stand in the slowest line available deciding on getting a cheese burger and a small Dr. pepper. When it's my turn I open my change purse to discover that SOMEONE (read K) had purloined my MONEY! I had $2 and change. Enough to ge a medium drink. Which I did. Then cursed K.

Anyway... I made it, haveing a wonderful time, gotta get back to having fun now. ;o)