Me getting read to leave. Damn I'm looking good.

The L Word

I just found this thanks to A's Blog. For some reason I can identify with it, from both the writer and his significant, although I could never have written something so eloquent and witty. It made me smile.

Dog's Life

I just read a post on someone else's blog about her torturing her dog by wrapping spegetti around it's snout just to see it snarl to get it off. heh. I wish I had thought of that when I had a dog, but honest I usually thought "Damn it dog, get the fuck off my sofa!" or "Shut the hell up dog, it's just a freaking car!" or "Oh jeezzz get away from me, you stink!" So is anyone surprised that I no longer have a dog? I didn't think so. Is anyone surprised that I still have twinges of guilt for getting rid of her and that I have a framed photo of her? Probably.

I really didn't hate the dog, I just didn't like owning her. See I've had cats since my birth. My grandmother and aunts tell of one of my grandmother's cats putting her kittens in my baby bed when I was an infant. I probably said CAT before I ever said MAMA. I'm a cat person, yet not a crazy cat lady. I have two cats and I DON'T want another one. Two is my maximum for my personal living space. But I digress.

About the dog. I begged to have the damn dog. K gave in and picked up the dog that I had heard about someone trying to find a home for. She was totally devoted to me imediately. All of the cats I've ever owned have been devoted to me, in a very neurotic and catly way. This dog was different. She was a dog and devoted in a very DOG way. Ugh, how undignified. It was cute and flattering at first but annoying before long. She would sit right next to me, follow me everywhere and stare at me with big insecure codependant obsessive devoted dog eyes. Very unnerving. My cat didn't like the dog being so persistent in her begging for attention. Sunshine, who happens to be the nicest cat in the entire world, would rub up against the dog to get her trust then smack the crap out of her. Because I'm basically evil, I found this mildly amuseing. The dog was a huge wuss and lived in fear of anything.

Oh damn, I need to go for now... I'll finish this later...

Counting The Days...

I haven't gushed about XXX recently. *sigh*

I'm counting the days until I see XXX. Another short vacation is sheduled. He's all I can think of these days. Damn he's sexy. It's been too damn long since I saw him - been making BOB work overtime. Three nights and two days with my sweetie, I can't wait.

Bachelor Party - Part II

We arrived at The Rose Room, after paying cover (thanks Petey!) and getting a nifty hand stamp that said HOT-E! (Which I HAD to grab and stamp on my boobie – no I wasn’t drunk) we ventured into the bar. The bar is narrow so it doesn’t have a dance floor or anything like that. The drag queens would walk up and down the bar doing their show, which worked, but not great. We ended up sitting at the back of the bar for a while and it virtually impossible to see the show at points. But I’m getting ahead of myself, when we sat down The Bear and I wanted drinks so I got up to get them and the very prissy waiter magically appeared and took our order, so I sat back down. One of the performers – I think it was Layla La Rue, but don’t quote me on that – was warming up the crowd between sets. She got back to our group and said “A group of straight people, who all is straight?” to which I raised my hand but most of our group didn’t. She started pointing to people saying “Your straight right? Why didn’t you raise your hand?” made me laugh, I guess part of our group was either confused about their sexuality (K, have a talk with them will you?) or embarrassed at being STRAIGHT in a GAY bar. Heh. I guess they might have been just fucking dreading being in a gay bar but were there just to humor bitchy, bitchy me… nah… they love me. Heh. Layla then said “You must know someone gay. A friend, a relative…” to which I raised my hand and loudly stated “My husband is gay!” She stopped and looked at me “What did you say?!” “My husband is gay!” She asked if I was for real, then asked my name and said she had to interview me and pulled me up to the stage area. She wanted to know how I found out that K was gay, I told her I outed him and she wanted to know what three things gave him away. So here are the three WARNING signs of a GAY husband.

1. He was always looking at GAY PORN.
   
2. Seemed to only want sex in the dark (I guess it was easier to fantasize about men when my fabulous nipples weren’t in his face).
   
3. (I really couldn’t think of another thing but I was trying to be funny) He’s always trying to dress better than me.

So Layla, being the Drag Diva that she was said “Well it’s easy to see why.” Pointing to my outfit. Bitch. I looked good. Eh, made the crowd laugh. She said something about how she needed to get me laid and I yelled “There any straight men in here?” which got laughs and her saying something about me needing to stop trolling for men in a gay bar. Heh. She sent me back to my seat and bought me a drink. Woohoo! A man bought me a drink! A man dressed as a WOMAN bought me a drink! Heh. Just my luck.

As soon as some seats opened up in the middle part of the bar we all moved over there. Which was a good thing, it was much easier to see the performers. AND the performers started messing with our group. At one point the one who MC’d the rest of the show walked up and touched/lifted Denise’s very large boobs! HAH! I wish I had of snapped a pic of the look on Denise’s face. She then proclaimed that Bill was a queen and that she had been with him so she knew of what she was speaking. Later when asking all the married women to see their rings she would look at them and proclaim “You must have done a lot of sucking for that!” I heard no arguments from the ladies that they didn’t… so… must be true. (Too much sharing people!) She later came back and announced that all the men in our group were gay… something I had always suspected…oh wait, no, that’s wrong… something K has always wished. Heh. Kidding. That drag queen was a fucking riot, I can’t give a good written account of some of the thing she said – it was a ‘had to be there’ situation. She sent drink over to Martin & Angie for it being their bachelor(ette) party and to Bill for taking all the crap about being a queen like a good sport. Petey made a friend of the waiter, which was humorous. The waiter had been bitchy with him (as only a flaming queer prissy waiter can be) when he paid for drinks earlier and said the waiter could keep the change and had said “Oh I don’t want to break you of your last $.75.” Later when Petey asked for water and tried to tip Prissy he would NOT take the tip. After the show Petey tried AGAIN to tip Prissy and again he refused. Heh. I think Prissy got a good look at Petey when we moved tables and decided he ‘liked’ him. So Petey, when do you want to go back down there? I’m sure your new friend would LOVE to see you again.

We left when the bar closed at 2 am. We had a great time. Well I had a great time, I think everyone else did – no one looked pissed at me for bitching to leave the titty bar, and no one tried to push me into oncoming traffic.

Then as if the universal powers that be wanted to make sure my night was complete, I got confirmation that I was looking good. We were walking by a line of people that were waiting to get into a club and one of the men said “Damn bitch, you look HOT!” I had to stop and thank him and give him the obligatory kiss and hug. Ahh someone thought I looked hot… a GAY man. Yeah, the story of my life. Maybe if I stopped dressing for gay men and trolling in gay bars I’d have better luck with STRAIGHT men. Of course NO one from my group was behind me when that happened, so they all probably think I was dreaming. Again, story of my life – when someone thinks I’m hot, there are NO witnesses! Damn it.

All in all it was a good night. Had a man buy me a drink and one tell me I looked hot – granted BOTH were GAY! I am the ultimate Fag Hag.

Birthday Wishes

In just mere weeks I will turn 33. I'm very excited about this. It's almost my BIRTHDAY! I'm doing this as a public service to all of you so that no one is left out on the gift giving opportunity to shower me with love ... and pressies, don't forget the pressies.

And to make it easy for everyone to shop for me, I've created a list.

1. This lovely bracelet. It's a bargain at a mere $49,000.
2. Of course if you get me that lovely bracelet, I'll need these earrings to go with it.
   
3. I'll need a new handbag, nothing extravagant, just this little thing.
   
4. Perfume, definitly perfume.
   
5. Shoes - oh yes I do love shoes.
   
6. A car, cars are always good.
   
7. A vacation.
   
8. Maid service.
9. A Chia Pet!
   
10. Botox! Nothing says love like needless and expensive cosmetic procedures!

Okay, obviously I'm teasing. I don't want that crap... except for the vacation, maid service and Chia pet. A nice card, a phone call, take me out and get me drunk - really I don't need much.

I've decided that this year is going to be a great year - and so far it has been - nothing like being absolutly crazy about someone (XXX) to make things great. So I guess the only thing I really do want is time, more time, I never seem to have enough time for just about anything. Just time... And a Chia Pet, don't forget the Chia Pet.

More On Bill

Bill did well in surgery, his bleeding is controlled. This morning his breathing tube was removed and he's doing well.

Talk About Devotion

I love this story about a bird that flew back to it's mate after being relocated. *sigh* That's so sweet.

More...

Bill went through the surgery well today.

8:30 pm we received a call from the hospital stating Bill was headed back to surgery as he was still bleeding, they said he is stable but they want to make sure everything is okay and see if they can get the bleeding under control.

Thanks to everyone who has kept Bill in their prayers/thoughts/voodoo chants/incantations and rattled goat bones for healing and recovery. Please don't stop now.

Serious Stuff Again

Bill is heading into surgery for a tripple or possibly quadruple bipass. Keep up the possitive thoughts/prayers/voodoo chants/incantations/etc.

Heading off to the hospital now.

Bachelor Party - Part I


Yesterday was an absolute blur of activity. I worked (as usual), rushed home to get Super Girl ready for the kiddy party she attended. Got K and the little people packed up so that I could take them over to K's boyfriends house after the party. The kiddy party was a lot of fun for Super Girl. K and Cabbage Patch had fun wandering the mall while the party went on. We all enjoyed pizza and cake after, then I carted them away.

By the time I was back home it was 9:30 pm. I called Petey to find out where/when/what on the bachelor party. I was expecting them to be at The Village Station or somewhere around there. Instead they were at Silver City Cabaret. Yippie, a titty bar. I get ready to go as there is still the promise of a Drag Show in the future.

Now every Fag Hag knows that you can't go to a drag show looking sloppy. This was the reason I had to head home to change clothes, fix my hair and touch up my make up. A red and white striped tee, denim shorts and white tennis shoes just wasn't going to cut it - the drag queens would have ripped me to shreds. A full wardrobe change, an incident with spilled sparkley stuff all over my hands and cleavage (got that cleaned up) and an anxiety attack over my hair and I was ready to roll.

I quickly made a large cup of coffee to take with me as I was getting tired. I arrived at the titty bar about 10:30 pm. Petey had already taken care of my cover charge so I just had to find them. It wasn't that difficult, they were at a group of tables near the main stage. I spotted Martin (the groom) getting a lap dance from a skanky (to me) dancer. He seemed to be enjoying it so what do I know? I sat by Petey as I was now his bitch since he paid my way in (damn it! He's always supposed to be MY bitch!). The novelty and intrigue of the new experience of being in a titty bar wore off soon as I peered around the place at all the really lame men sitting at tables. Titty bars are odd places, men don't go there to socialize so they sit there in groups staring at the bouncing titties trying to decide which dancer will get their money for the night and trying hard (heh, heh) to not look like they are aroused while in the company of their buddies. They sit there with the Lizard look, all higher brain function has shut off. Eh, deliver me titty bar hell please.

Petey and I entertained one another by talking about patrons at the establishment, discussing which dancers where not hot and why, me asking if this was ALL most bachlor parties consisted of and commiserating on how bored we were. It was starting to look like the bachelor party was going to continue at the titty bar until the bar closed and that was starting to irritate me. I was bored looking at girlie titties so I was ready to leave. When Lee and his wife got up to leave, I did also. I told Peter that I was going to go, I was tired of the titty bar - though it was mildy entertaining the first few lap dances that Martin and Angie got, I was really not interested anymore and that if there was no drag show in the future I was going to head home. He asked me to stay while he walked Lee and wife out and to ask the group what they wanted to do as it was up to them.

So in my usual delicate manner I ask if we were going to go to the drag show as I was bored with looking at bouncing titties. Everyone said that Petey was in charge so ask him. *sigh* When he returned I informed him that HE was in CHARGE and could make the decision. To my delight he promptly paid the tab so we could go.

We had missed the 11 pm drag show and as it was now midnight or so it wouldn't be long to wait for the 1 am show. The show had been moved from The Village Station to The Rose Room which is actually pretty small for a drag show. I had known about the show at The Rose Room for several years, I guess it used to be at The Village Station, who knew?

I love good drag. I love bad drag. I just love drag shows.

To be continued...

Next Episode -

The Three Warning Signs Of A Gay Husband
A Man Buys Me A Drink
And Learning That Bill Is A Queen

Stay tuned for more of

The Bachelor Party!

OK, that's all for tonight. I'm damn tired. I've been typing for 45 minutes. I still need more sleep. I'll write the rest later - maybe more photos.

(petey - is The Bear going to be ok with that photo being up? If not, I'll take it down. Let me know.)

Serious Update

K got home from the hospital about 7 am, Bill is doing ok, it's still very serious and he'll be in the hospital for a few days at least. More on all this later. Good thoughts/prayers/voodoo rituals/incantations/whatever still welcome and appreciated.

Oh yeah and send some Wake UP! vibes to me, I have to head off to work here soon on what little sleep I've had.

Comming Soon!

Update on the party last night (maybe even photos)!

Serious Stuff

This morning when I returned home a bit after 3 am I saw that there was a message. I checked my message and it was K's step mom letting us know that K's dad was headed to the hospital with a heart attack.

Bill is a good man, please keep him in your thoughts/prayers or whatever it is you do/have.

Thanks.