Friday, July 16, 2004

Microwave Update

Juan the maintenance guy came by today to look at the microwave. He
informed me that the microwave was still under warranty and a service
person would need to be called to come out and fix it. He promised to
call and let me know when to expect the service person. He then told me
that he thought a plumber would need to come out to fix the upstairs
tub. Great, great. He said the fan would need to be completly replaced
and implied that it would be done soon. Yeah, I believe that. At least
he didn't give me an exact day to expect a repair this time.

So what does all this mean. It means that the fan probably won't get
fixed anytime soon, the tub will keep dripping for a bit longer, the
floor may never get fixed but the microwave will more than likely be
fixed fairly soon. Ah well at least I'll be able to make coffee.

Some Days It Sucks To Be The Queen...
Today is one of them. Some time around noon I started feeling poorly. Nothing huge like vomiting every 15 minutes or bleeding out the eyeballs, just a bit of gastrointestinal upset which I thought would go away quickly. Not so, after a few hours, a fever and growing tiredness I realize this is hanging in to make me miserable today.
Prior to The Little People entering my life, whenever I felt ill I would retire to my bed to have delirious dreams and quietly sleep it of, telling anyone who disturbed me (even to make sure I was still alive) to leave me alone (as the words 'leave me the fuck alone' were generally far too much trouble at that time). Alone, asleep, in bed. That's how I prefer my sickness to proceed. I don't want to be a bother, and I don't want to be bothered. I will emerge when healthy, otherwise stay away from me and my bio-hazard zone.
Now that I am a MOM (AKA the Queen around here) I no longer have that luxury. The Little People do not understand that whilst mommy is sitting on the commode for the 10th time in an hour, it is best for them to not try to have a conversation with mom, beg for something or fight with one's sibling. Nor do they understand that mom needs a coma like state to recover and when mom is in coma like state it is ill advised to stack various things on the stool to facilitate reaching the chocolate syrup on the top shelf so as to cover most areas of the kitchen in aforementioned chocolate syrup and multi colored sprinkles. *sigh*
I have tried several things to facilitate my much needed rest. I've tried to make it a game and tell them that they are doctors and I'm the patient in a vain attempt to get some peace by compelling them to feel compassionate toward their ailing mother. That only succeeded in having them get their doctor toys and poke me in the arm with a crayon every 5 minutes to 'give me a shot' until I finally threatened their little lives if they poked me in the same spot one more time. I've tried napping with them, but inevitably that is the day they will NOT nap and instead repeatedly request a story from me or ask me 5 million questions about the conversation we had 4 months ago. The results are the same in either case, mom doesn't get healing rest.
Enter Disney Hell. Thank goodness for the VCR and DVD player. Occasionally I get lucky and find a movie they LOVE and will actually watch (as opposed to their usual watching for 5 minutes then wandering off to wreck havoc elsewhere). Generally these 'gems' are some horrible Disney creations that the mere thought of makes me break out in a cold sweat and makes me wish for hard liquor. Disney hell. When I am not feeling 100% this is perfect for a nap. The little people still use this time to wreck havoc in the house or torture the cat, but only about half as much as normal and thus I can get a few moments of sleep - albeit with the awful background noise of horrible Disney music going through my fevered brain to create demented Technicolor dreams that will haunt me and disturb me for days to come. But sleep. That is good.
Must go now, the little people have finally agreed upon a feature and the couch is calling for me.
Day One Of No Microwave Oven

Dear Diary,

Upon waking this morning I discovered that the state of my microwave oven was not in fact a bad dream. After repeated attempts to convince the microwave it was feeling better and would in fact warm my cup of cold cold water to a temperature that was pleasing and satisfactory for coffee consumption I realized that I was going to have to actually figure out how to warm water on the stove.

30 minutes of searching for a pan later I had it filled and sitting on a burner to warm. I sat at the computer to stare at my e-mail as I waited and dreamed of nice hot coffee. After what seemed like an eternity (must have been 5 minutes at least!) I ventured into the kitchen to find out the status of my water. It was still cold. Hmmm... What could I be doing wrong. 30 more minutes of fiddling with the stove and several burnt fingers later I had the proper heating element on beneath the pan of water. Back to the computer to actually read the e-mail this time. Several minutes later I was again concerned about my heating water as I had not yet heard the familiar ding alerting me that my water was prepared. My water was boiling by then. I still have no idea why it did not ding. I fiddled with the knob that I had previously learned controlled the heating element and turned it off. I poured (spilled) the water into the cup eagerly anticipating my caffeine. Then... eww... What's that in the water? Ugh. Seems the pan wasn't nearly clean enough and my diminished state of consciousness had impeded my detection of STUFF in the pan. *sigh* Wash pan using hand with only one burned finger, refill pan with water and repeat water warming process. This time things went smoothly. I stood in kitchen and watched as water boiled, for some reason it seemed as if it never would boil. Success finally! Hopefully next time it will take less than an hour and a half to make coffee. Gotta get that microwave fixed.

Lunch time:
Dear Diary,

My desire for left over spaghetti sauce and pasta was thwarted by the fact that microwave is still not working (I'm still checking every so often in case it was just tired or maybe it just had a viral infection). I figured that since I had managed to prepare my caffeine fix with little mishap I could managed to warm lunch on the stove top. It's amazing how quickly one remembers how to use a fire extinguisher when the bright flames of destruction are emanating from ones lunch pan. After fanning the smoke out of the house, getting the smoke detector to stop blaring, repeatedly convincing the firemen it really was just a case of burnt food and threatening/pleading with the little people to never breath a word of this to anyone, we had sandwiches for lunch. I've always liked sandwiches really, don't know why I even considered pasta.

Contemplating dinner:
Dear Diary,

I finally entered the kitchen after having two anxiety attacks from prior attempts to enter the domain of The Appliance Of Satan (the stove). A quick assessment of the contents of the freezer full of frozen veggies confirmed my fear that due to the microwave being broken I would indeed have to heat anything eaten on the dreaded Satanic stove! I briefly considered making the veggies as one would make sun tea as it is near 100 outside, but nixed the idea as I don't have any idea how long one would time 'sun veggies'. I am currently collecting menus laying about from all of the places in the area that will deliver a nice diner to my door. Though difficult with my blistered fingers and bandaged hand, I think it would be safest to avoid The Stove Of Doom and forego another inopportune meeting with hot hunky firemen (ya know, they really aren't all that open to being hit on when they think your home is a smoking inferno - gotta admire that dedication to duty though). More on dinner later, right now I'm running a bit high on caffeine as I've taken to eating my coffee by the dry spoonful to completely avoid the whole nasty affair that's still so vivid in my memory (throbbing fingers too). I think I need to keep it to the recommended serving size as the 12 or so spoonfuls I've already ingested is starting to cause hallucinations and the urge to run up and down the stairs repeatedly, brain having trouble keeping up with my fingers also.

Angry Albino Sock Monkey In Drag

And you thought he was disturbing normally.

The little people love AASM so much. All children should have the joy of an Angry Albino Sock Monkey.

The Blame Game

In thinking about yesterday I've decided to place blame for items where it is appropriate to do so... i.e. I will randomly and inappropriately blame others for my misfortunes.

  1. The Near Death experience Of Shaving. Obviously this is K's fault. He bathed the Little People in my bath over the weekend. My completely safe dull razor that has been sitting on the side of my tub for months on end was missing, forcing me to replace it with a deadly sharp brand new razor of death after a few days of vain searching for above mentioned SAFE razor (and a few days of horribly hairy frightening pits and... um... Well you get the idea). I see now this was a failed murder attempt by K. HAH! I survived it! Try harder next time.
  2. Broken Microwave. The aliens were obviously trying to contact me regarding their ongoing experiments on K. If I've told them once, I've told them a thousand times, the telephone is for talking, the microwave is for cooking and television is for mind controlling mental telepathy. This also falls under K's fault (I can't rightly blame the aliens now can I? That would just sound crazy).
  3. Lack Of Hair Removal. Due to the wax not heating properly, my unattractive and undesirable hair was not ripped viciously from it's roots as intended. This is the fault of the bastard microwave's blatant betrayal of me. Bastard microwave! How you make me suffer!!! Again K must accept the blame for this as the microwave falls under his area of blame.
  4. My Pathetic caffeine Addiction. Clearly this is K's fault. I don't think I need to explain, it's obvious that he is to blame.
I feel much better now. Knowing that none of the unpleasant events from yesterday were MY fault has eased my mind and cleared my conscience. K, well I feel sorry for him, how does he sleep at night? I suppose it all could have just been a case of BAD Karma but it's much more fun to blame K.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

XXX Speaks

heh XXX left something on my tag board. Everyone give him a big, warm, Karmically Challenged Tag Board Welcome!

I didn't know he read this except when I prompted him to look at something. I guess from now on I'll have to stop detailing the fabulous sexual exploits we have. ;o) *sigh* XXX is so damn hot and sexy, how'd I get so lucky to find him?
Splitting Hairs

OK, now I'm back with coffee in hand. Nice hot coffee.(heh Super Girl is so funny, she's playing with a box and she just said "Mom, do you know what's in here?" I said "Books?" She said "No, a bomb." and gave me a big grin. Heh, and some people actually wonder why I refer to them as Tiny Terrorists at times.)

I think I've mentioned before that I'm a hairy female and I don't mean the lovely long hair that cascades down my back. I mean in places where women aren't supposed to be hairy (I'll leave it at that so as to not cause anyone to have nightmares of frighteningly hairy women). I've often joked about how after I retire I'll work in a carnival as the bearded lady. My sweetie, XXX is such a character, he once promised me he'd shave my back for me when I'm an old carnie. heh, what a great guy.

Anyway, I digress.... So I spread most of the contents of the jar of wax on my undesirably hairy areas and ripped it off only to discover that much of the undesirable hair was still attached to MY body (I think it had to do with the wax not being warm enough). Ugh. I search for my tweezers and they are NOWHERE to be found. *sigh* I'll find them later or buy new ones. I'll rewax later (I refuse to shave as I despise stubble in these areas - ick).

Off to the tub to bathe and shave my legs. I succeed in shaving my legs AND cutting each of my legs. Once above my left ankle and once under my right knee. And no they are not just tiny nicks that produce a few droplets of blood, oh no, not me, I get rivers of blood trailing down my legs and pooling at my feet when I get out of the tub. I attempt to slow the blood loss by absorbing the life blood oozing from me with the only towels I put in the bath - white ones! Yay! Now I can have towels that look like I've murdered someone! A couple of band-aids later, I'm fine, just slightly light headed (probably due to dropping caffeine levels and not blood loss).
We're Gonna Starve!

I just discovered something horrible. My microwave oven is BROKEN! DAMNIT! BROKEN!

You do realize the implications of this don't you? I can't cook dinner! We'll starve! heh, just kidding, I actually cook with the stove and oven. But it does mean that I'm not drinking my noon cup of coffee though. That's a bad thing. A REALLY bad thing. I would have used my tea pot but last year after 10 years of loyal service Moo Moo (the cow tea pot) fell the fuck apart. Now I'll have to heat water in a PAN like some primitive!

Well the dead microwave kind of explains why it took 20 minutes last night to cook my spaghetti squash and why it took 5 minutes to warm up my wax this morning (more on that later).

Just one more fucking thing to add to the list of shit Juan the maintenance dude needs to fix. Grrr... Note to self: make voodoo doll of Juan.

Off to warm water in a PAN! I feel so betrayed by that microwave now!

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Evil Bastards??

Above is a photo of the label off the cupcakes I purchased for the Little People to celebrate Cabbage Patch's birthday with last night.

The cupcakes came with a birthday candle in the middle of each cupcake. I lit them for Cabbage Patch to blow out and after 3 or 4 tries she finally did in fact blow them out. I turned around to the computer to proceed to upload the photos I had just taken of the event. K went to remove the candles from the cupcakes. The candles relit. Now my question is who would put relighting candles (trick candles) on a cupcake labeled "Baby's First Cake"??? Evil bastards, that's who.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Birthday Party

Tonight we took the Little People to Planet Pizza for Cabbage Patch's birthday. They had a BLAST. We enjoyed it also. It cost just $23.80 for the 4 of us with the kids getting unlimited rides and soft play area (also included was a large one topping pizza and a pitcher of coke - the pizza was actually not that bad). The Little People spent most of their time in the soft play area - which is kind of like the play areas at a fast food place, but it was HUGE. I was jealous of them getting to play in there! They rode two of the rides and by then it was time to leave.

Our other consideration for her party was Chucky Cheese. I have managed to avoid The Rat this long though and I will continue to actively resist going to The Rat for as long as I can. A party at The Rat would have cost us $43! K had the 'pleasure' of going to his nephew's 4th birthday in December at The Rat and he said the pizza was horrible and they didn't have nearly as many games as Planet Pizza did.

Anyway, the Little People had fun. I stopped by the store for a couple of cupcakes on the way home. The Little People are off to bed after blowing out candles and eating too much icing. Ahh life is good for The Little People.

How have I lived without THIS!!! And at $4.99 it's such a deal to never have to worry again.

Go ahead, Look, you know you want to. (this is site that's safe for work!)
Cabbage Patch - The Beginning
*warning to men* this is girly mom talk, just move on to the other posts and ignore this.

Three years ago today I woke early on a Friday morning still painfully pregnant and two days past my due date. I was doing daycare from my home at that time and had an over active 2 and a half year old of my own in addition to the two toddlers I took care of three days a week.

I was feeling fairly good for me while pregnant (I'm miserable while pregnant, sick a lot, quite uncomfortable, moody, food cravings and aversions, waddled when I walked and HUGE) - that few weeks preceding that day were actually really good and I was feeling really really good and even enjoying my pregnancy (which was a first). Going past my due date was absolutely expected for me. I went 6 days past with Super Girl. The midwife had told me on the past visit on Sunday or Monday (I forget exactly) that I would not make it to my next appointment the next week, she was certain I would give birth before then. I was excited. I had already made up my mind months earlier that I would deliver this little girl on the 13th of July as her sister was born on the 13th of February and I wanted both girls to be born on the 13th.

My sister D knew of my desire to birth on the 13th - I don't think she believed it would happen though. D would be acting as my doula for this birth. Either on the 12th or the 10th she drug me and Super Girl out to walk around the historic down town area of my city, in hopes that all that walking would start my labor. It was hot, very hot and I was uncomfortable. I hated that walk but I also wanted to get things going as I was HUGE and ready to birth - have I mentioned it was hot? All that walking didn't get get labor started.

Back to Friday. When I woke that morning I knew I would give birth that day. One of my clients had taken her baby out of care as she was having pre-term labor issues and was now on restricted activity so she wasn't working anymore - no work, no money for daycare. I was still watching the 2 year old though. We followed the normal schedule for the day. Playtime, reading time, song time, learning time, lunch time, nap time, outside play time, snack time, reading time, more play time, home time... During nap time I called D and we chatted about things I had done and could do to get labor started. I had already had sex the night before and was drinking some read leave something or other tea. We discussed nipple stimulation to start things moving. Oh, K & I had decided that we would use Hypnobirthing to get me through a natural home birth (K is a hypnotist). After D and I finished our conversation I the above mentioned labor starting method as well as some self hynosis. I started feeling a few cramps, nothing really strong though. Through out the day when ever I had a chance I concentrated on labor starting. At 4 pm I called D and told her I was having some contractions and was in labor. "Do you want me to come over now??" she asked excitedly. I said "Don't rush, it's going to be a while you know, come over if you want." Then I instant messaged K and told him that labor was starting "Do you want me to come home now???" he asked, my answer "Only if you want to, you can wait until you finish work, it's going to be a while." Both said they were on their way home right then. I called the aunt of the toddler I watched to find out who would be picking her up and when as I was in labor, but it wasn't a rush. I left that message for her. D showed up at 5:30 pm. The aunt showed up 5 or 10 minutes later - she was all panicked that I was in labor, I assured her that she needn't have rushed nor should she worry, I was just in labor. When she asked if I was having contractions and I told her I had just had one while we were talking I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head. heh. I wasn't in pain at all. K showed up at 5:45 pm. Everyone rushed over despite my instructions to not rush. D started timing contractions while K took Super Girl with him to the store and the Chinese take away place to procure things for the evening.

Karma wasn't smiling on K that night, he discovers that the restaurant forgot/lost his order - this is after an hour of waiting. At about 8:30 pm D and I joke that K is going to miss the birth of his baby if he doesn't arrive soon. After 2 and a half hours he returns with food and movies. At 9:30 pm I decide that I will take a nap as labor will take a while so I should sleep while I can. At 10 pm I get out of bed to go sit in the tub as the contractions are getting more intense - not really closer together just a little more intense. D hears the tub running and comes to see if I'm OK, I tell her I am, I just need to be in the tub. K comes into the bathroom to check on me also. D and K sit down and talk with me while I'm in the tub (the bathroom is really huge). After a bit I told D that maybe we needed to start timing the contractions again. She wrote down 10:20 pm as started having a contraction and moved to a hands and knees position. My water broke right then and I delivered a 9 lb baby girl 7 minutes later. (I won't bore you anymore with details of that since I've bored you enough.)

Now she's 3. My baby.
My New Addiction

I hate to admit it. I've developed a liking... No, no, LOVE - strong LOVE for coffee. Not just any coffee - definitely not the generic crap that's been sitting in a coffee pot half the day. Fancy-smancy coffee. Stuff that's flavored and creamed and sweet. Stuff with fancy names.

It started innocently enough. I got a little tin of the International Foods flavored coffees - actually it was for D but she forgot to take it with her and one day in a moment of desperation to perk myself up I opened it. I liked it. That was a long time ago. I finished that tin off and generally didn't consider it anymore as it was full of sugar and bad stuff I was trying to avoid. Then one day it happened, in a discussion with XXX regarding coffee (which he does like) I mentioned my secret love of the international Foods flavored coffees which I avoided due to the extra calories, etc. He mentioned that they made some that were sugar free. What? Sugar free? As in 'ok for me to drink sugar free'? The next trip to the grocery store I sought out the red and white tin with fancy writing on it. Sure enough there were a few varieties sans sugar. With much trepidation I selected the French Vanilla. The next morning I nuked some water and stirred in the powder. I sipped with expectations of nasty coffee taste mingled with funky artificial sweetener taste and was delightfully surprised that it tasted delightful. So there it started, most mornings began with a cup of sugar free flavored coffee. I tried the other varieties of International Foods coffees that were sugar free (only three damn it!).

Next thing you know I'm having a cup after lunch in addition to the one before breakfast. Now more recently I've added on at afternoon snack time. Ahhhh coffee. I just bought a big container of some flavored coffee yesterday - I broke from my usual brand in favor of a bigger container that was cheaper. More coffee! I'm glad I did, it tastes about the same and it cost a lot less.

I now day dream of Starbucks fancy coffees. This disturbs me. I used to laugh at people who had Starbucks addictions. Sneer at those who HAD to have their frothy sweet cup of overpriced coffee every morning. Now... I want one. Just one. I want to try it, that's all. I would never become a regular - I'm far to cheap to buy it regularly. I just want ONE!

I now desire a French Press so I can make my own coffee, ad my own Splenda and low fat cream. I want to choose beans and grind them myself. mmmmm...

It's not really a big deal though. I know I can stop anytime I want. (This coffee thing is probably a good thing really as I have quite an impressive collection of little used coffee mugs in my cabinets. Now they are getting some use!)
Hair & Nails

I colored and cut (6 inches off)last night, straightened today. I don't think anyone can really tell it's shorter. I bought this nail polish yesterday because it's named SPANK. heh.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Super Villains Rock!

I wanna be a Super Villain. I don't want to be a Super Hero. Super Villains get cool, swank villain hide outs. They have servants and loyal (fearful) henchmen. They are never, ever put in moral dilemmas of having to choose between their great evil goal and anything else. Their relatives/loved ones are not weaknesses or liabilities - they manipulate them and bend them to their will. Super Villains also get to dress cool and they always seem to have plenty of money to finance their nefariously EVIL plans. And I bet even if they do fall behind on their bills they don't get called by creditors - who the hell would call a Super Villain on a past due bill... "Hello, Mr. I. M. Evil is it? Um yeah, I'm with Nuclear Collections and it seems that you are WAY past due on your payments for that plutonium. With late fees and past due charges looks like you owe $10,000,000,000,000,000 right now. We need to see what can be done to bring this account current, we can handle this over the phone to speed things up as we do take credit cards, otherwise I'm going to have to report you to and you do know that this will go on your credit report right?" Yeah... Sure.

Super Villains also have cool alter egos. They never have lame jobs, it's always something super cool like the president of a mega corporation or they've taken the place of the acting president of a small but wealthy country. It's never delivering working at a news paper or bagging groceries.

My favorite Super Villain - Ras Al Gul. He is one of Bat Man's villains. He's super evil, super smart and he has a Lazarus pit so he's not going to die (yes I know, geek stuff). Even when Bat Man defeats his evil plans, he never defeats Ras Al Gul. *Warning* *Warning* Comic book geek moment ahead!* Ras Al Gul has kicked most of the JLA's asses, he's done some serious ass kicking on the Legion and he still has time do some serious ass kicking in Bat Man on occasion. His daughter is in love with Bat Man but her fierce loyalty to her father always drags her into his plots and leaves her conflicted. Master manipulator. Gotta give the man his props.
Words For The Day

Pronunciation: 'sI-n&s
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin, from Latin, curve, fold, hollow
: CAVITY, HOLLOW: as a : a narrow elongated tract extending from a focus of suppuration and serving for the discharge of pus b (1) : a cavity in the substance of a bone of the skull that usually communicates with the nostrils and contains air (2) : a channel for venous blood (3) : a dilatation in a bodily canal or vessel c : a cleft or indentation between adjoining lobes (as of a leaf or corolla)

Pronunciation: 'he-"dAk
Function: noun
1 : pain in the head
2 : a vexatious or baffling situation or problem

Definitions of Sinus Headache on the Web:

associated with inflammation of the sinus cavities, usually as result of an infection or allergic reaction; described as deep, dull ache, located around the nose, sometime extending to forehead and ears

Sinus headaches are associated with a swelling of the membranes lining the sinuses (spaces adjacent to the nasal passages). Pain occurs in the affected region – the result of air, pus, and mucus being trapped within the obstructed sinuses. The discomfort often occurs under the eye and in the upper teeth (disguised as a headache or toothache). Sinus headaches tend to worsen as you bend forward or lie down. The key to relieving the symptoms is to reduce sinus swelling and inflammation and facilitate mucous drainage from the sinuses (description by AAO-HNS).

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.