Friday, April 21, 2006

At 4 It’s Amuseing, At 40 It’ll Need Medication…

Cabbage Patch is insane this morning. More so than usual. The cause? Cereal. Some sugary cereal of no nutritional value that I RARELY let my offspring eat. It’s gone, that’s why she’s pissed. Super Girl had the last of the this morning. Now the world is coming to an end… because Super Girl ate the last of the cereal. How stupid of me to not know. The best part of all of this was when she walked out of the kitchen holding the empty box and said “No one eats all my Trix!” I tried HARD not to laugh but I had the Lucky Charms theme song running through my head as she looked like a deranged leprechaun! “They’re magically delicious!”

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Puppet Theater Seder!

Last week the Little People and I celebrated Passover. Unlike most years when I had K’s help in preparing, this year it was just me, the Tiny Terrorists and a sock puppet. Yes a sock puppet, I needed all the help I could in keeping the attention of my offspring.

Since this was my year of doing it alone, this would be the year of the SHORT Seder instead of the one that lasts until midnight or 1 am. Luckily everything went well. The progeny sat through everything (even though Super Girl asked ever 5 minutes if it was “time to find the matzah?” or if it was “time to open the door for Elijah?”), only one glass of wine was spilled on the table, no one called my matzah balls ‘poop’ and the offspring actually ATE the meal (roasted breast of lamb and potatoes, salad, mixed veggies and matzah ball soup, with a delightful desert of chocolate topped coconut macaroons – all made by ME).

Thankfully I had a sock puppet to help out. Just about the time that the offspring were getting bored and restless and I was on the verge of snapping at them that NO, it WAS NOT time to find the fucking matzah or open the DAMN DOOR! I turned to my friend the spokes puppet and let him take over. I’m fairly certain that his rendition of the Exodus story wouldn’t be exactly considered reverent but it DID keep my offspring riveted to the story and sitting in their seats. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two kids that excited over plagues! They were almost as excited about that as the fact that I forgot to get kosher grape juice for them so they got 4 tiny glasses of wine. I of course opted for 4 LARGE glasses of wine as I traditionally do and I’m guessing THAT is why the puppet was such and an amusing and important part of the Seder.

Anyway, I managed to get the offspring to bed shortly after 9 pm and the puppet and I passed out on the sofa after finishing off the rest of the bottle of wine.

Seder Guest

Ready for the seder

They were BIG glasses of wine.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Do NOT Fuck With Her! She Will FUCK You Up!

And she'll still be holding her Barbie.

My child is insane. I sometimes feel a twinge of guilt about her birth and wonder if that lack of oxygen is the cause of her madness. Her latest thing is to ball up her little fist, make that 'tough' face and say "You wanna piece of me?" It makes me laugh most times, you just can't take that statement seriously coming from her cerubic face.

And since yesterday she's been playing with clothes pins. It's bizarre. Today she stuck about 7 of them in her hair, which I just HAD to get a photo of. Then about 30 minutes later while K and I were having a conversation I had to stop mid sentence as I saw her with a clothes pin on both lips. A few moments ago she was doing her own version of Edward Scissor Hands with the clothes pins. Weird.