Saturday, July 16, 2005

Shining Saturday

My gawd what a good day it's been so far! I can hardly believe it. The Little People are at Grandma's, the game was quite fun last night, someone is back in town, one of my small hospitals has expanded and now they are BUSY (I have 7 on the books for tomorrow!) and my schedule is right on track today! Oh yeah, can't forget the frappichino yesterday with one of my girlfriends. Hoping for a SPECTACULAR night.

Well better get back to work!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Things That Made Me Laugh

K's navigation skills and my lack of direction, meaning I cut off two people to make turns and had to make a U-Turn as well as threaten K that he'd have to push the fucking car if we DID take his suggestion of 4-wheelin'.

Discussing how women deep down are bitches and when they really want to hurt a guy will dis his 'equipment' or skills with said 'equipment'. (oh shit, don't look confused, his cock, women will talk smack about a man's cock and how bad he is in bed) And then I laughed and laughed and laughed.

Having someone tell me "You know {insert name} has changed since I last saw them... They are more of an ASSHOLE now."

Having my Aunt ask me if I'd like to buy a raffle ticket to win a riding lawn mower or 50 lb deer feeder.

The suggestion that I'll be sitting on the sofa eating bon-bon's, drinking proficiently and being fanned by my bevy of Mansicles during the time the Little People are at grandma's house. WTF people? I have WORK to do! Work I shall now be able to do uninterrupted!! Woohoo!

Being asked by the other photographer if I could replace the wiring in the cart. Yeah, right sweetie, I'm commission just like you - it ain't happening.

Driving home and realizing that drinking that second cup of coffee at my Aunt's house was a BAD idea. K thought it was funny to make jokes about my bladder bursting.

Well enough for now.. Back to that work I alluded to.

No wait.. not done yet.. I just got back from checking the mail and was quite amused by the new maintenance man stopping to hit on me. *snerk*

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Classic Insanity

My progeny are not right in the head. They are watching Young Frankenstein while eating lunch. Super Girl keeps saying "Bl├╝cher!" to her sister who neighs like a horse in respons. Ahhh it warms my heart to see them appreciate such a classic, maybe they'll want to watch Monty Python after naps.
Waterless Wonders

Yesterday was Cabbage Patch's birthday. We hadn't planned to do anything to celebrate since she was scheduled to be with Grandma and GiGi - since she's 4 we figured we just wouldn't mention the B word and do a small party when she returned. The trip was pushed back to Monday of next week due to GiGi developing a kidney stone. Damn. Okay this started some vague conversations of WHAT we would do for her b-day - it was discussed to do nothing and stick with the PLAN of small party when she does return from Grandma's house. It seemed like a reasonable plan, but we had forgotten to figure in one small detail. A 6 year old sister who hears EVERY THING. She KNEW it was Cabbage Patch's birthday and By Gawd It Would Not Pass Unnoticed!

Okay fine. Yesterday I woke with the same freaking migraine I had gone to bed with - very bad to share a bed with a migraine, steals the covers and snores a lot. What fun. To make it that much more wonderful, the offspring woke in Tiny Terrorist mode and proceeded to wreck havoc on everything in sight. Lucky ME. I figured this would be an ideal time to SELF MEDICATE - (and by 'self medicate' I mean take some sinus medication and a handful of Tylenol NOT smoke a crack pipe and drop a hit of acid) and lay on the couch. Eventually K got tired of watching me cringe and squint every time someone made noise and took the Tiny Terrorists out to the pool. And that makes it sound like things were perfect right, me medicated on the sofa silently wishing my head would explode. But NO, it wasn't. It started threatening to storm and EVERYONE was back in my fucking living room. Thank heavens for naps.

After naps I discovered the city's water was on emergency restrictions and we were told not to use water. Okay... Fun. K and I decided that since both of the Tiny Terrorists now wanted a BIRTHDAY Celebration, we'd take them somewhere CHEAP. Then my real suffering started. We walked to the store because K reasoned "The fresh air will do your headache good and we'll save some gas". I doubted that walking in the hot humid outside would do anyone's head good but I couldn't argue about saving gas. The walk is exactly as I imagined, mostly miserable with a bit of horrible thrown in and enhanced by whining. As we walked back home and toward the Culvers it occurs to us that the eating establishments we were passing seemed oddly vacant... As in closed. Hmmm... City on emergency water use only... Maybe the restaurant are closed... um.. YEAH! Fuck. Time for Plan B. Back home amid much whining - even the kids were getting tired of my whining. K ran out (with Tiny Terrorists in tow) to get impromptu celebration supplies and bottled water (they said the water could be off for a few days at the worst).

magically when it came time for the cupcakes, the Tiny Terrorists transformed back into the lovable Little People, and luckily for me it was almost bed time for them.

So there, we all survived the Waterless Birthday. The End.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Cabbage Patch B-Day

One of my favorite photos from her 3rd b-day.

Dear Cabbage Patch,

Today you turn 4 and gawd help me I managed to survive your 3rd year. 3 was a really interesting year, you went from being a cute little toddler with the baby rolls to being a little demon on two legs and you lost your baby rolls. I wept as I watched them disappear and your horns and tail emerge. I exaggerate, but only slightly. Your sister became a full fledged demon at three also, and miraculously she became a CHILD again at 4, so my hope is pinned on that. Though you woke this morning and promptly started wrecking havoc throughout the domicile and made me curse my karmic lot in life at the moment.

I'm shocked and amazed at how much you've changed this year, hell you don't even look the same! I keep hoping that you'll look more like me as you get older, yes I know, how horrible of me to wish that on you, but one day you'll spawn and you'll understand my feelings, especially after pushing out one already and having it look like the spitting image of it's father! When you sit and consider how much it hurt to sit and pee after that gawd-forsaken episiotomy, or how your boobs will 'never be the same' after a year of breast feeding or all the lost sleep you got while your partner snoozed away... Well I could go on.. But yeah it is valid for you to WANT at least ONE to look like you.

Anyway, enough of my maternal angst and back to YOU! WOW, you've really become something this year. Your sister went off to school and you have enjoyed the hell out of having the day to yourself! When you aren't being totally EVIL you are a complete joy to be around. I love when you have to crawl in my lap and play "got your nose" which usually leads to the "I'm Gonna Cook The Baby!" song, which you love even though it's all about covering you in butter and basil and sticking you in the over, cooking you with carrots and having gravy and bread.* It never fails to make you laugh uncontrollably.

You and your sister discovered "The Wizard Of Oz" and have watched it at least 100 times in the past 3 months. I've taken to telling you both that you really are winged monkeys every time they appear in the movie (hey I have to do something to keep me from stabbing my eyes out with hot spoons). Your sister is nearly convinced I'm telling the truth (she even asked me to show her a map of where the winged monkeys live on the internet), but you don't even seem to be phased by my insanity, you know you are the supreme princess diva in this house (give me strength) and not a smelly monkey, even one with wings.

I still chuckle when I hear you tell yours sister to stop something because it's irritating. Couldn't it be I say that a lot? You amazed me the other day when I watched you buckle your shoes - hell I didn't teach you to do that! I absolutely love your performances you give just for me. Nothing will top you in a pink leotard, yellow tutu and white boots - let's not forget mismatched socks on your hands - as you dance and sing the chorus from three different songs over and over.

Anyway, I'm glad that 3 is over, but only just a bit, I'm sad to see you leaving your babyhood behind. You don't even look like a baby anymore. Gone are the thighs with rolls and little doughy hands. *sigh* You'll always be my baby though, no matter how tall you get or how grown you think you are. ;o)

Love you with all my heart,


*I would NEVER cook and eat my child. My oven is far to small!
Damn Them! Damn Them All!

Sheesh! WTF? I've been so busy and not busy but distracted that updating has been just impossible.

So.. let's see... I've had a date with a MASSAGE THERAPIST. This has prompted many comments from my girl friends of "Oh, he must be good with his hands". Heh, I'll get back to that in a bit.

K's still out there interviewing and sending in 15-20 resumes a week. It's frustrating to not have an answer. We are both on edge a lot, luckily there haven't been to many sharp words, but thing's aren't overly HAPPY here. I worry that the Little People (Super Girl mostly) are picking up on the tension and worry. Their behavior hasn't been the best recently and I'm running out of duct tape. Things will be okay, I'm sure, getting to OKAY might be a chore though. I'm thankful for all the supportive people in my life.

My grandmother had planned to pick up the kids and take them with her for a week and a half, but her development of a KIDNEY STONE has pushed that back until MONDAY! MONDAY! FUCK! All last week every time I caught the Tiny Terrorist tieing the cat up or using my digital alarm clock for parts in the timer for their explosives, I'd remind myself that they'd be destroying... er... playing at my grandmother's house soon. Currently I'm in search of my back up bottles of Zoloft and hydrocodone (feel free to donate to the cause). Now I'm muttering a mantra that includes phrases like "please don't make me lock you in a dog kennel until Monday" "no, no, no... remember Judy, we must ration the happy pills or by the time Sunday afternoon rolls around we'll be holding a rifel and looking for a clock tower" "Yeah more coffee is good, who needs to sleep anyway?" "No, no, no! Make the voices go away! Today, not Monday!" "Damn them for not making chewable children's Valium!" At this very moment K has taken the Tiny Terrorist to the pool so that I won't start shooting flames from my eyes at having to CLEAN THE FUCKING LIVING ROOM YET AGAIN! (I am soooooo throwing out all their toys while they are away! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) So yeah... I need a frappichino with extra whip cream.

Also, today is Cabbage Patch's birthday (more on that in a bit) and since GiGi can't travel until she passes the stone, out plans for her birthday are completly fucked. Why can't GiGi travel you may ask? It's only a 2 hour drive after all and she can bring her pee strainer with her (apparently uroligists need proof of your agony). I'm sure she could, but ya know, if I was going to pass something that painful (as in pain that's been compaired to child birth) I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in some skanky truckstop bathroom about to pass out from pissing out a rock, so yeah, we can cut her some slack. Still, now that it's her b-day we have to figure something out. We had planned to have her party after she returned, but fuck, I don't know now. I really do need a frappichino - Someone bring me Starbucks! Damn Starbucks for not delivering!

Oh yeah... back to the first topic... Massage Therapist. Does he have good hands? Mmmmm... let's just say I only saw 15 minutes of the movie and never got to Starbucks, but I'm okay with that. Talented man.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Favorite Photo!

Lerxst took the best damn photo of me - can you believe it????
Separated At Birth?

Not only did K turn 40 this year, but so did Slurpee! I wonder if I can start calling him Slurpee? Oh... wait... bad images... never mind.
Hot Chicks

Go see the rest of the pics here. I don't have time to write about it right now so you'll just have to enjoy the photos and just imagine how much fun it must have been.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Best Laid Plans

After last night, I had planned to be done with work by noon so I could go home and get more rest. Here it is almost 1 pm and I'm still working. I knew I wouldn't get out of here by noon when I didn't even get to my second hospital until 11 am. The only saving grace is that my sales are really good today and I know that my 3rd hospital has no babies to photograph so I can go right home after I finish here.

*sigh* back to work, I should be out of here by 1:30 pm or 2 pm. Later I'll have the thrilling recount of my evening at Ben's and how I spent a good amount of it throwing up in the rest room. I have photos, but I haven't even looked at them yet - I probably don't have many all things considering.