Cheeto Science

Just asked of me:

"Mom, how are Cheetos made?"

"Styrofoam and cheese powder."

"Hmmm? What's styrofoam?"

"That stuff they put in boxes when they ship them. They just cover them in cheese powder and put them in a bag. Cheetos."

"Really?"

"Yes. Ask your dad, he'll say yes. Now go wash your Cheeto covered face."

Damn I'm busy. It's insane. No really it is and not that cool kind of FUN crazy but not the kind of crazy they lock you up and forget what cell you are in crazy either. I'm getting ready to head off to finish preps for the baby shower for La Seg. Shall be fun, and best of all... There will be CAKE there! I see love in my future. ;)

So sorry for not doing the TRF update as of yet, but time has been scarce and the TRF report deserves my full attention. Enjoy this one photo from TRF Pirate Weekend. Apparently it's the ONLY photo in existance from that weekend where I dont' look like a big redheaded ghost or a HUGE DORK. What can I say, I'm such a FAG HAG I can only accessorize with gay men.

My NEW Gay Boyfriend! Savol!

NonCommital Thursday

WTF??? Why can't people just give me a YES or NO today? I've been in 15 rooms today and made 1 appointment!!! Only ONE person could make the life or death decision to get their baby's photo taken. *eyes rolling up in head* Honestly, what the fuck are they putting in the eppidurals lately?

Eh! Whatever! On to other kvetching...

Mystery Perscription

Either my pharmacy likes me a lot or they are trying to KILL me. Yesterday when I took my perscription I noticed that the pill in my hand was DIFFERENT than the ones in the bottle. (no I didn't take it) This morning when I went to take it I noticed YET another mystery pill (same as the other one). It's kind of frightening really. I plan to call the manager of the pharmacy when I get home. I mean, gawd, I'd hate to think I was taking my acid-blocker capsules and actually be taking a Viagra or black tar herion (what? they don't sell that at CVS? Did you ever see that SNL with Brendan Frasier as the pharmacist?) right before work!

Suck Ass Commute

I know, that isn't news, just a continued bitch. Having people call me and chat while I sit in traffic makes the time roll by eaiser. Feel free to dial my digits between 8 am and 9 am, Monday - Friday and listen to me swear at other drivers. It's fun!

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do!

Dear Laundry;

I hate you. I never want to see your needy ass again! Leave! Now! Stop hanging around! I’ve tried to get rid of you before by being nice and catering to your every whim but alas it was no use. You just kept coming back. And now you are EVERYWHERE. I can’t take a fucking step without you in my face these days. I hate you. I really do. Did you hear that? I said I hate you. Why do you keep tormenting me? Why do you demand so much of my time? Why, why, why? Why do I have to keep going into your room and tending to you? Why do I have to keep gathering you up off the floor like a sad drunken girlfriend after the company Christmas party? Why is that when I give you my undivided attention, it’s still not enough – you hide things from me so I’ll never be done with you? I hate how you sometimes hide under my bed or behind the bathroom door. It’s creepy! Stop it! Just stay in your room and stop getting larger – you frighten me. Leave me alone.

With Much Fabric Softener;
Judy

Dear Chocolate;

I thought I told you to leave my house? Why must you torment me with your sweetness? No, no wait… don’t go! You know I love you! I know you are bad for me, but I can’t help loving you. You’ve been there for me. Like when Laundry has tormented me day and night, it’s always you who cheers me up. Some people don’t understand our love so I must ask you to leave and stay away for a long time because you are so bad for me (just look at the size of my ass! That’s your fault you know!). Not forever, you know I can’t have that – I’m weak after all, just leave for now… Leave tomorrow… or maybe the next day… by the end of the week for sure. I just need some space (for my ever growing ass) and some time to find myself (and a way to fit my butt back into my pants) just for a little while. I promise it’s just temporary. I wish I knew how to quit you. Don’t hate me, just go before I make you stay.

With much sadness and many cravings;
Judy

Yeah I know what you are thinking… I’m thinking that too… I really should get laid more often.

*ps, I know I promised to write about TRF, I know, I know… I’ve been busy so fuck off.

Bruce Springsteen Needs To DIE!

Every damn morning I drive into work and listen to the radio (JACK because there are no DJ’s to ruin my morning and suck out the last bit of my working brain cells with their vapid conversation) I hear a fucking Bruce Springsteen song. I dislike his songs so very much I’d happily kick him in the nuts if I ever did see him. I despised his songs when he WAS popular (come on, he sounds like he’s badly constipated in every song he sings. Someone give that man some ExLax!), I hated his stupid sleeveless plaid shirts and bandana combo and I thought he was just one ugly mutha-fucka. My opinion is the same. I wonder what I’ve done in life that has caused me to suffer such karmic punishment as to hear his constipated voice ever damn morning on my drive in.

Enough about my unnatural aversion to The Boss, on to other disturbing things. Today is the third day in a row that my offspring have been HOME. Yes THREE DAYS IN A FUCKING ROW! I think everyone on the school board needs to be kicked in the crotch. Why are my Tiny Terrorists out of school you may be asking? My immediate answer is “To drive me insane!” but that would only be half true, seems these days are teacher inservice days because of it’s the end of the first 9 week grading period. Friday was set aside for parent teacher conferences, Monday was deemed ‘Fair Day’ (how lucky for everyone that it was raining!) and today is just another day to make parental units wish for more alcohol. Oh and I’m wishing! Because I’m completely disorganized I didn’t realize my offspring were out of school for three days until Thursday of last week. Fabulous. I had to scramble for a sitter for Friday because that’s my busiest day of the week. Parent teacher conference day was Friday which I KNEW about but didn’t realize the offspring would be out of school so I didn’t write a note asking to reschedule as I thought I could do that on Thursday (actually I HAD written a note a week earlier saying that I had to work and was wondering if we could do the conference over the phone to which Cabbage Patch’s teacher said NO that she only wanted to do it in person and Super Girl’s teacher never responded). So whatever, I totally suck at this PARENT stuff at the moment. Suffice to say, I suck at the moment and so does the school, so we are even.

Moving on… Yesterday was a day of SHOPPING. I bought an obscene amount of clothing for an insanely low price. I’m still pinching myself because I can’t believe I got an amazingly fabulous evening gown for $30 (the original tag was $160). All the merchandise in the store is probably hot, but who cares! I got the dress for $30!!!

Okay, must go. Have to shower and get ready to lunch with Shana to discuss baby shower plans.

Stay tuned! My full report on Pirate Weekend at TRF! Woohoo!