Friday, May 28, 2004

Alpha Quiz
Blatantly stolen from ambivalence

A - Age: 32.
B - Band listening to right now: George Howard - Midnight Mood (easy jazz)
C - Career future: An artist.
D - Dad's name: Edward.
E - Easiest person to talk to: K.
F - Favorite song: currently it's 'Maps' by the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs and 'Fly Me To The Moon' by Sinatra (XXXX got that one stuck in my head).
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Yuck, neither/
H - Hometown: Monroe.
I - Instruments: Does air guitar count?
J - Job: Photographer.
K - Kids: Super Girl and Cabbage Patch.
L - Longest car ride ever: Probably when my family moved from Michigan to Texas, it was also a rather sad and depressing ride - hell you take a cross country trip in a Pinto!
M - Mum's name: Elizabeth.
N - Number of people you've slept with: One at a time.
P - Phobia[s]: Spiders, bugs touching me... other things too... it would make me sound too much like a nut case to put on here though.
Q - Quote: "Carpe Diem!"
R - Reason to smile: XXXX says the nices, sweetest things. Remembering little things about him. My little ones singing in the car with me. Rain. Friends who love me.
S - Song you sang last: Janis Joplin's Greatest Hits - I sang through the whole thing (Super Girl helped).
T - Time you wake up: Around 7:30 am.
U - Unknown fact about me: I can be very insecure.
V - Vegetable you hate: Onions.
W - Worst habit: Arrogance. Laziness. Bad temper.
X - X-rays you've had: Yikes, more than I can even think of.
Y - Yummy food: Chocolate.
Z - Zodiac sign: Leo.

(*Warning* Terribly offensive post! You have been warned!*)

So I'm driving around today running errands and just in general having the life sucked out of me by all my obligations. I'm at a four way stop sign when I notice the large silver Cadillac Escalade across from me. I realized that the joking question of 'What would Jesus drive?' was being answered for me. I sat there looking at the shiny, new SUV with it's personalized license for a moment. I wish that I would have had my camera with me at that very moment to record this for posterity. Jesus would drive a shiny, new, silver Cadillac Escalade with all the trim and personalized license plate that says 'JESUS'. Yeah, I saw the Christian savior. Well I didn't actually look in the SUV it had dark tinted window, and I was just being amused by the 'Jesus' plates far to much to look. Apparently the Christian savior has decided to come back and is driving around my neighborhood in a brand new SUV. Well of course he is. How else would he get any respect here? D can back me up on that one. She gets the respect in my 'hood with her big ass, pimped out SUV. What's she call it?... Oh yeah, Old G. So I'm guessing the Big J man decided he wasn't going to do the riding in on an ass thing again - not going to get the respect that way - and upgraded to a much nicer mode of transport. Who can blame him? The Escalade has air conditioning and an awesome sound system - DVD player in the back! And why not? Should not the Son of God have the best?

OK I'm finished now. If you read this and were offended, well that's just too bad. I did warn you that it was offensive.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Busy Day Ahead

I'm sitting here wasting time. K is getting ready and the Little People are not fighting at the moment.

Today we will take an adventure to Down Town Dallas. I need to procure some legal documents which require me to travel to Down Town Dallas. K is excited about this trip and has planned out our trip right down to touristy maps.

Me, well I realized rather late last night after a long (and very sweet) conversation with XXXX that I have a shit load of things I need to get done in a very short period of time. I have committed myself to something and now I have to come through and get it done. I have no doubt I CAN do it and WILL do a great job on it, but I am kicking myself because I forgot how limited my time is from today until Tuesday of next week. Somehow I will have to squeeze in enough time to finish the things I've committed to. Who needs sleep anyway???

Well I best head on before K strangles me for sitting here a moment longer. Heh. Don't want to mess up his schedule (I'm shocked and amazed he actually PLANNED something anyway).

Monday, May 24, 2004


My dear friend Petey just got PERMANENT employment after 2 years of not having a steady job.

Take a moment to go to his page and congratulate him!
Things That Make Me Laugh

Setting up candles for a romantic candle lit dinner and setting your hair on fire (just a little part of the ends).

Asking your mate to open the wine you bought in an effort to impress him and realizing that it's a SCREW top.

Trying to impress your mate with your impressive cooking skills and having smoke streaming from the oven. (note to self: Always check the oven before turning on the broiler)

Ahh it's a good thing I'm impressive enough on my own (sarcasm!!), it would have sucked to have these things ruin a perfectly nice evening.

later... One more thing

Discovering my new deodorant has a 'Fresh' manly smell. heh.
More Letters In My Head

To The Fucker Who Splashed Crap On My Car;

Why? Why did you feel it was necessary to splash my car with some sticky liquid? It was 10 PM. I didn't appreciated being greeted by that when I got finished grocery shopping. Thanks a lot fuckbag, if I knew who you were I'd make you lick it off my car.

Pissy Prism Driver

Dear Kind Elderly Gentleman Who Helped Change My Tire;

Thank you so much for your assistance. I really could have changed the tire myself but I felt it would have wounded your male ego to refuse and it would have just been rude of me to refuse help. Thank you for taking the time to help a 'damsel in distress' (who wasn't really all that distressed), you truly are a prince among men. Your stopping to help restored my faith in human kind and really did brighten my day.

With Much Warmth,
The Lady With A Flat

To All The So-Called MEN Who Drove Past With Out Even Slowing Down;

Fuck all of you. Since when is it okay to NOT stop to help a woman? It was pretty fucking obvious I was changing a flat tire, even if you DIDN'T want to help you could have stopped to offer to call someone for me. It's pretty pathetic that an elderly retired gentleman is the only person to stop and he was on the feeder road so he had to trek across the street just to get to me. Hell I would stop to help a woman on the side of the road and I'M a woman!

Get Stuffed.

I Don't Even Need A Dick To Be More Manly Than You