Friday, September 03, 2004

Freak Friday

I was thinking about something and it occured to me that 'Freak' is an appropriate descriptive of my life. Let me explain. Tonight's trip to Wally-World left me with a throbbing headache and stiff neck after a freak incident where Super Girl bumped me hard against the side of my head while getting out of the basket, this would not be anything except for the freak accident that happened 5 years ago where my car got totaled by a van leaving me with a bulging disk in my neck. It's never really bothered me until tonight.

It's rather freaky that I have a gay husband. Even freakier that we are great friends and I know his boyfriend. I tend to be a freak magnet (read my bus trip post sometime if you have doubts) and I like to get my freak on with my ever so hot and sexy boyfriend XXX.

Yeah, I'm your freak.
Busy Day

D took Cabbage Patch for the day. I have the day to myself - at least until 3:45 pm when Super Girl get's home from school.

When I get a free day people always ask what I"m going to do and inevitibly I say "clean house". I always get shit for this, but honestly I like to be able to clean without having a little person make a mess right behind me. I like my house clean. Hell I'll clean other people's houses - just ask XXX, I always clean his place when I'm there alone. I know I'm insane.

Cleaning isn't the only thing I have planned though. I have a sewing project I am going to finish as well as some art work... and laundry.

Well I'm off to do my stuff.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

A Beautiful Day In The Hood

I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Ignore that last post.

I Am The Mayor Of Dorkville!

So last week I go to blow dry my hair straight and my blow dryer won't work. Hmmm... It's older than my children so I guess it's time for it to die. I don't throw above mentioned hair dryer away as I have a small drop of hope within me that maybe it's just tired and will work later.

Today, I wash my hair and really want it straight. I turn on dryer. Nothing. I press reset button on hair dryer cord. Nothing. I unplug hair dryer and mess with reset button on outlet. Nothing. Wait... Wait... I notice that no matter how much I push the reset button on the outlet, the button won't reset. Hmmm... Could it be? Maybe the dryer isn't broke. Maybe it's the outlet. Then I have a flash of clarity. I remembered that the day we attended the wedding (July 31), I was curling Super Girl's hair using the curling iron. At one point it made a popping noise then the curling iron wouldn't turn back on. I assumed that meant that the curling iron (also older than my children - maybe even older than my marriage) was broken and I tossed it in the trash. Super Girl's hair was finished thankfully. Today when I remembered that I wondered if maybe I had just overloaded the breaker. A trip to the breaker box answered that question. One switch was tripped. I rectified the situation and headed back to the bathroom. The hair dryer worked. I have lovely straight hair. Of course this means that the curling iron probably wasn't broke either.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004


Do you ever just wish you could take something back that you said? I usually don't worry about it. Today is different. I feel like I said something to someone that I should have kept to myself. Something that makes me seem petty and selfish and self centered. Maybe I am. I suppose I'd be the last one to recognize those character flaws.

Anyway, I feel as though I've lost something and I'm not sure what. Like I was talking to someone and suddenly realized they weren't with me anymore. It's a bad feeling. The worst part is that I'm possitive I'm blowing all of this out of proportion.

I can't write about this anymore, I don't know if I can make sense out of it to anyone. I'll feel better in the morning.
Thank You Note
Posted by Hello

I just finished this Thank You note. I'm not sure I like it all that well. It was something different.

I have a few more to get done. Not sure what they'll look like though.
Another Stupid Quiz

you are Nick Cave!
Nick Cave... dark and creepy. You're a bi-polar
genius, with equal passion for the most
degrading aspects of humanity, as well as the
beauty & wonder of God and Heaven.

Which fucked-up genius composer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I only posted the results because of A's love of Nick Cave.

Monday, August 30, 2004

More Than You Cared To Know About Me

(Any question that doesn't apply to me I'll either make it more intersting or just fucking lie to make it more interesting)

1. Your name spelled backwards.
yduj - What the fuck? Is this a drunk test?
2. Where were your parents born?
Mom - San Antonio TX, Dad someplace in Vermont I think.
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
4. What’s your favorite restaurant?
Scilly's, a local Itallian place. mmmmm...
5. Last time you swam in a pool?
I don't go in pools, I fear that people have urinated in them and I refuse to swim in other people's waste. Also I refuse the scare people by wearing a bathing suit.
6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Does being the head of costuming count?
7. How many kids do you want?
Currently just the two I birthed, occasionally not even that many.
8. Type of music you dislike most?
rap, pop, anything that gives me homicidal yearnings.
9. Are you registered to vote?
Like I could NOT be registerd to vote with Mr. Politically Active Gay Man in the same house.
10. Do you have cable?
No, I have the internet.
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Once and the guy driving it scared the shit out of me so I never did again.
12. Ever prank call anybody?
Hell yeah, I grew up before caller ID.
13. Ever get a parking ticket?
No, that's a stupid question.
14. Would you go bungee jumping or skydiving?
Either if I was drunk enough.
15. Farthest place you ever traveled.
Canada - yes I know that's lame.
16. Do you have a garden?
I have a collection of potted things that occasionally look nice outside my door, this I sometimes like to pretend is an actual garden and friends humor me.
17. What’s your favorite comic strip?
Dilbert. My former step father used to call me Dogbert because I'm basically EVIL.
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Probably not, but I can fake it enough to make it through at the beginning of a sporting event.
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Shower, morning. Baths creep me out after a few moments, sitting in ones own filth and all.
20. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month?
Kill Bill vol. 1. I rented it a couple of weeks ago.
21. Favorite pizza topping?
peperoni and mushrooms or XXX ;o)
22. Chips or popcorn?
For what? Neither really. Dumb question. Better question: Vodka or Rum? Vodka!
23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
Some all day stuff that's call Rosey something or other. I really should write it down because I never remember when I need more and end up buying 6 or so of the wrong color before I find it again.
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
What? That doesn't even make sense. I've smoked cigarets and pot. I don't smoke anything now.
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Yeah right, that's a stupid question. Yeah I won the "Miss Biggest Butt" title.
26. Orange Juice or apple?
Depends on what booze I have to mix with it.
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
The family, Wattaburger. Yeah, only fine dining for me.
28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
Reeces Peanutbutter cups. Twix.
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
Last time K drug me to vote.
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Last November when my retarded tomato plant finally produced tomatoes.
31. Have you ever won a trophy?
32. Are you a good cook?
Hell yeah.
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
duh. Who DOESN'T?
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
No. Never even been tempted.
35. Sprite or 7-up?
Neither, stupid question again. Better question: Beer or wine coolers? Wine coolers are for gay men. I'd take beer over wine coolers.
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
38. Ever throw up in public?
Stupid question. New question: Ever have sex in public? yes.
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Hmmm.... Both, I want it all.
40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I used to not believe in it, but then I met a fabulous man who I fell maddly in love with the moment I set eyes on him. I'm generally a skeptic and very jaded so I tried not to be 'in love' for a while - didn't change a thing, I still am in love.
41. Ever call a 1-900 number?

No, but I've worked one before. Want me to call and talk dirty to you?
42. Can ex’s be friends?
Yeah, K and I are still the best of friends.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?

Father in law for heart attack.

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?

So I've heard. Who cares really?
45. What message is on your answering machine?
Death threats
46. What’s your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Cheri O'Teri has this bit she does where she plays this whacked out house wife. She did a skit with Brendon Fraiser at a pharmacy. It was hysterical.
47. What was the name of your first pet?
A gray cat named Smokey. Followed by another gray cat named Smokey and another named Smokey. I finally got the message that I was not destined to have a gray cat named Smokey and gave up on that one.
48. What is in your purse?
Well I don't carry a vibrator in there anymore so nothing interesting. I mean everyone carries condoms, lube and small sex toys.
49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Abuse BOB.
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
XXX, Today and everyday -
Oh, Did I Say That?

Anyone who knows me well knows that at times my internal filter doesn't work. (Internal filter, as in the filter in your brain that keeps you from saying something assinine like "My grandmother has that very same dress!" to your friend who was just showing off her new dress.) Usually my filter does work. Yesterday at the pool party it worked fine for the most part. A couple of times it didn't.

One time I was sitting with Discontented Lesbian, her little boy, one of Rickie's daughters, K and The Little People. Something about names came up. Discontented Lesbian mentioned that her son's name was Dustin not Justin (as Rickie's daughter had been calling him), they discuss kid names for a couple of minutes then I say "Some people name their kids screwed up things." As you can guess the conversation came to a screeching stop. That's not how I meant it to come out. I clairified and said what I meant, thereby avoiding a big nasty event of Discontented Lesbian kicking the shit out of me.

The other time, I'm still chatting with Discontented Lesbian. We are talking pets. I mention how I hate owning dogs. For some reason this irritated Discontented Lesbian, I don't know why. I explained that I like dogs, I just hate owning one. Not sure why that got to her really.

Luckily there was plenty of eating and drinking going on at the party so I didn't mar the party to much with my foot being in my mouth too many times.
How To Piss Of My Cat

My cat is the nicest cat in the world (well unless you are a dog or a tasty rodent). I've had someone offer me money for the cat and had more than one person ask if they could have her. She's a nice cat. She puts up with the Little People torturing her on a daily basis and has rarely even scratched them. She allows me to take the humiliating photos of her in hats and collars and doesn't protest. There is almost nothing that will make this cat angry enough to be mean. Almost. Sunshine hates having her claws trimmed. She becomes psycho kitty. Luckily she's a small cat so holding onto her is not that difficult. Today as I clipped the nails of the squirming cat, she had enough of that indignity and let out an inhuman howl (well of course it was inhuman, she's a cat) and bit me - hard! The cat literally bit the hand that feeds her! Didn't do her any good, I smacked her on the head and finished clipping her nails.
Pool Fun

Yesterday K, B, myself and the Little People went to a pool party for the Gay Parenting group we are a part of. I initially had considered ditching the party as K was bringing B with him and I really dislike being the third wheel. I decided to go though. I don't do pools as I refuse to torture the general public let alone people I do know and like by subjecting anyone to see me in a bathing suit. *shudders* I haven't even owned a swim suit in over 15 years. My reasons for going obviously had nothing to do with the pool and everything to do with the party. The hosts of the party were Rickey and Rickie - they were actually my reasons for going - I met them at the first group meeting and became fast friends with them.

So we show up about 30 minutes late for the party. The Little People were in the pool within seconds of arriving leaving me to stand around and chat with the other non-swimming party-goers. That would be The Discontented Stay At Home Mom Lesbian - we'll call her The Discontented Lesbian just to make it easy. We sat and chatted while our kids had fun. She was nice enough, but she didn't seem all that happy. Her daughter had just started kindergarten like Super Girl. She told me this story: Her daughter started school and made a friend. The daughter and friend ate lunch together every day. One day when Discontented Lesbian was picking up daughter from school, Friend's mom mentions how much friend talks about daughter and suggests they make a play date. Discontented Lesbian says what a great idea that is and then makes a big deal of explaining to Friend's mom that daughter has two moms and no dad. Friend's mom said that wasn't a problem and everyone left to go home. The next day when Discontented Lesbian was picking up daughter, Friend's mom said how she was okay with the whole lesbian thing BUT that her HUSBAND wasn't so no-go on the play date. Discontented Lesbian mentioned how she was offended by that, etc. I can understand that and I sympathize, I even empathize as I've been shunned by a mom's group because K is gay. BUT... When she got to the part about having told the parent about her being a lesbian I wanted to ask her WHY she felt it was necessary to do that? I'm not saying hide it or anything like that, but why tell her the first time she meets her? Why define one's self by one's sexuality? Why not just make the play date, get to know the mom and if it comes up deal with it then?

Anyway, we had a nice time. We were the last people to leave, I swear I could have talked all freaking night long. Rickey and Rickie are so entertaining, they have a FABULOUS house and their kids are great. The Little People had so much fun and they got balloons to take home - woohoo!

Sunday, August 29, 2004

An Entry From The Gerbil Diaries...

Dear Diary,

My stay here has now been over a week. I am still in the small enclosure. The walls are of an unknown substance that is smooth and I can see through it. It is not unlike the commune I lived in when I was young (ahh thoes were the days). I scratch at it several times a day but have not made any progress at an escape tunnel.

Apparently my captors are keeping me in solitary confinement indefinitly. My captors are huge giants who provide me with the basics, a place to sleep, water and food. They seem mostly benign even bordering on benevolent. However I am continually guarded by two shifty preditors. For some reason the presence of the preditors do not alarm the giants therefore I am untrusting of the giants. The preditors stand below me and stare at me with their hungry eyes. This is a constant. I am asumeing this is some kind of torture.

Speaking of torture how could I forget to mention the tiny giants. They are miniature versions of the giants and they make a lot more noise. Several times a day they peer into the enclosure and bang on the sides generally while I am sleeping.

Every day I am given an chance to escape as the giants remove me from the enclosure and allow me an escape attempt. It is always frought with danger and occasionally includes participation of the tiny giants which seems to up the danger of the game much more. Have I mentioned that during these exercises the giants hold me while the preditors watch from below? You have no idea the stress I live with.

I must go for now.

Bea (Bubonic Plague)

Yes I know I'm insane. I amuse myself though.