Friday, September 15, 2006
I tag anyone who reads this blog. Share your love of reading with another!
Grab a book - any book........
go to page 123........
go to the end of the fifth sentence........
and type the next three sentences into your blog, then.........
tag 5 more people!!
I edged closer to him, and the nearer I got, the larger he became. He had the longest legs I'd ever seeen, immaculately sheathed in pleated pants. A warm stream of excitement ran through me, a buzzing current that made me want to rub up against him like a cat, or better yet, to feel thouse long legs of his gripping mine.
Sadly, that has to be the best lines in the entire book. But then again, maybe not, since I didn't read it completly due to my consuming boredom that resulted in me falling fast asleep at any attempt to read this book. Not nearly dirty enough for my tastes. The worst part is I paid $7 for the damn book and I can't even stand to look it. So full of promise of erotic delight yet so disapointing so quickly... kind of like a lot of dates I've had. Eh, whatever, don't read this book, you can find dirtier stuff on the internet. ;)
I started painting the table top of the Little People's table. I had this fabulous idea to paint a sun and a moon on the top then laminate the damn thing so they don't completly destroy it but that may all be for naught now. The Little People want in on the action! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm a horrible mommy on this one, because I don't want them to sully my beautiful art work. I know I should just let them go to town with the paints since it's THEIR table, but I'm completly neurotic about this - I don't like my ART WORK messed with by ANYONE. I think it goes back to when I was in kindergarten and evil children would paint on MY paintings and I'd cry. What can I say, I was an ARTIST way back then (you should have seen my penguines!). Anyway, I'm caught with the compulsion to just paint it MY way before they get home and say "Opps! Bad me! But don't you like it???" or doing the GOOD MOMMY thing and just handing them paint brushes and paints when they get home.
Well today is my LAST FRIDAY of being home, which means TOMORROW is my LAST SATURDAY to work! Woohoo! I'm so excited about that! It'll be like I'm a normal person! No more last minute search for someone to cover for me, no more missing weekend shit because 'I have to work', no more leaving parties early because 'I have to work tomorrow' and BEST of all - NO MORE MISSING FAIRE for work!
Okay off to either drink a bunch of coffee or to take a 3 hour nap on the couch... hmmm what to do with my last Friday off??? What would YOU do? (other than masturbate 5 or 6 times - I've already done that)
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I told you I was making a hat. Here is my prototype. It's a ZOMBIE!
See my boreing head? It does look like it might be hiding some tasty brains though. (oh and what a great hair day I was having tonight! And a good boob day also - that's so damn RARE! At least I have photographic proof.)
Mmmmmmm... nothing keeps brains warm like a nice hungry ZOMBIE!
I'm still working out the hat style. I like how the face and eye balls came out, but I'm not keen on the shape. Will be working on it - stay tuned for more disturbing hats.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Yup, I'm still on the crazy side. It's a refreshing change from the usual morbid, morose, homicidal mood. Sadly, I know it's only temporary, though waking up a little insane every day would be entertaining. Now I know why Charles Manson does it every day.
Since it's temporary I wonder if I could get away with shit - say rob the WalMart of all the childen's chewable vitamins (the orange ones taste the best!) and just say it's because I was temporarily insane? "Sorry officer, I really didn't mean to KILL her persay, but I did warn everyone I was insane on the day in question. Read the blog, I posted it bright and early, he really should have known better than to withhold Krispe Kream's from a crazy fat chick. Can I go now?"
*wait! Be right back! The laundry calleth! Or maybe that was the Alien's pageing me on the intercom? Whatever, I must take care of this and be back in a moment. Hold that thought!*
*Back now, had a lively discussion with the Aliens who paged me. Funny thing is that I realized we don't have an intercom here and that buzz was in fact the dryer. I had been talking to the dryer vent the whole time and the voices in my head were answering! Don't you hate it when that happens??*
Yeah, so as I was saying, I'm going to make some HATS! Fun hats! But I can't tell you what they'll look like because I know you'd try to steal my most fabulous (and probably profitable) ideas like you did when I told you about that dress, and then you showed up at the party with the EXACT same dress (except yours was purple, and had sleeves and didn't look at all like a McDonald's bag like mine did)? Yeah well I remember and I just won't tell now. So don't ask. But you'll be jealous that you didn't think of it first. You are the one who decided to be sane today though.
So yeah, this coffee is good! Can I get you some?
I'm a little crazy today. Not sure why, I just am... so you've been warned. What does that mean? Well other than I'll probably walk around all day mumbling things to myself and randomly shove pages from my manifesto into strangers hands as they walk past me trying not to make eye contact, it means NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! Oh yeah, it does mean that I won't be spell checking a damn thing I write today - so expect bad spelling and bad grammar because the voices in my head say so.
So on that note, I've decided to post some random photos. Enjoy the madness and have a cup of coffee before you go.
*These are OLD photos I'm posting, nothing new... OLD. The cat hasn't been shaved recently... she prefers Nair these days.*
Keep It Safe, Keep It Wrapped!
I saw that slogan one time. It seemed reasonable, until I tried to wrap my couch in plastic wrap... good plan in theory.
Maybe I should have waxed...
Ahhh you can feel the hate from here.
My Pussy Is Cuter Than Yours
Truth hurts, deal with it.
Oh yeah baby!
Ahhhhh! She turned into an EGG!
Fuck you toast! No one should be that happy in the morning!
Ahhhh My True Love... CAKE!
Ahhhh... The first cake I ever wanted to have a serious relationship with. I love you cake, you gave me so much pleasure... and such an amazing sugar rush.
On another note, I'm completly a week off for some fucked up reason. Twice in as many days I've been reminded by someone that the event I was discussing was not for another WEEK. Hmmm... odd... I think it's some kind of a space time continuium issue. Someone has shifted my reality back a week. Fuckers!
On a GOOD note, I did find my keys that have been missing for the past 2 months! I won't say WHERE I found them, because I'd have to actually ADMIT that I lost them and not anyone else - which just could NOT be true because we all know it was someone ELSE who lost them. Oddly they showed up deep in the bowels of my purse where I'm certain that they were recently hidden by someone ELSE who isn't me. Luckily they are here.
Okay I'm off to drink lots of coffee and do laundry.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
I filled in for someone yesterday and worked (very briefly). It was certainly an experience to have to get myself ready and the kids ready so we could all get the hell out the door in a timely manner. What fun.
I spoke to my manager yesterday and she told me that I very well may be starting to work weekdays starting this coming Monday. AND even better – it would be at a hospital I worked about 4 years ago and loved very much. This weekend I will be training my replacement for my current hospital so that’s a done deal – the WEEKENDS OF WORKING ARE COMING TO AN END!!! Ahhhhh sleeping in on a Saturday! What could suck is that if the current person working my soon to be hospital takes the news of being moved from this hospital badly and decides to quit on Wednesday, I may end up working Thursday and Friday there, then Saturday and Sunday at my current hospital and start back to the new hospital on Monday without a break until the weekend. Which will make for a really FABULOUS check but a REALLY BITCHY Judy.
Eh, not going to worry about that – must call the school and set up before and after school care for the Tiny Terrorists. I’m so excited!
Why I Should Be On Prozac – or Why My Life Sucks!
I’m currently on the edge of either being really, really happy or falling into a pit of despair and depression. It sucks really. I’m not so good with all the touchy-feely emotional relationship stuff. Sex, that I’m good at. The emotional stuff makes me all uncomfortable and nauseous. I don’t like that feeling of not being in control of my feelings but here I am, crazy about someone and completely uncertain about how they feel. I hate this. I mean I really DO enjoy the wonderful, giddy feeling when I hear from this person. I love how flower petals fall from the sky and the tiny little cartoon birds show up to sing. Then of course there’s that crazy roller coaster feeling in my stomach when I think of this person, that’s kind of cool for a bit but then I feel like I need to vomit.
See? I suck at this emotional crap. I don’t totally trust my instincts on this either because the last couple of guys have turned out to be asshats and completely disregarded my feelings then left me crushed and hurt. This person isn’t as asshat at all, I just don’t know what he’s thinking or where this will go and well that’s making me crazy. Eh, who knows, maybe it’s just casual sex. I’m insane.
So yeah, I’m either going to be running through a field of flowers or constructing voodoo dolls and writing morose poetry very soon. Though maybe I should just stock up on condoms and decide that casual sex is the way to go. We’ll see.
*Dear sweet Internet, I’m not looking for advice or suggestions and I’m not going to tell you who this is about either, I’m just venting.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
(I wrote this long post earlier but Blogger fucking ATE it! BASTARD!)
Anyone who's known me for any length of time already knows of my incredible ability to get lost going ANYWHERE. I have the most acute sense of misdirection possible. Because of this I ALWAYS need a detailed set of instructions to anywhere I am going (and a detailed and accurate map, as well as phone numbers, GPS, homing device, etc. etc.)
Last night was Crystal's party. Crystal just moved to a lovely house in Lewisville. After mapquesting the directions, I discovered it was pretty straight forward (so I thought) and I'd have to drive 121. I was under a false sense of confidence in finding her house as I used to see a guy who lived in Lewisville so I drove out 121 about once a week for 2 and a half years. Ahhhh, well I stopped seeing that guy a couple of years ago and since then there has been CONSTRUCTION for the freaking toll project. So hey, guess what? It LOOKS DIFFERENT! Wow, what a freaking surprise it was for me to realize that things had CHANGED in the past couple of years with the construction and all and NOW I had NO FREAKING CLUE where I was for the most part. Yeah, good.
I clutched my directions in my hand and took the first MAIN street that I came to. After driving a mile or so, I was fairly confident that just MIGHT be more than ONE MAIN street in the Dallas area and that I had turned on the wrong one. So I popped a u-turn and headed back towards 121 to continue getting LOST and move on to HOPELESSLY LOST. At the first stop light this white truck pulled up beside me and the frat boy driving yelled over to me. I looked up, smiled and gave him a little wave back, then went back to staring uselessly at my worthless directions and contemplating exactly how long it would take me to get HOPELESSLY LOST and wishing that I had a full tank of gas. At the next stop light the truck was next to me again. This conversation took place:
Driver Frat Boy: Hey!
Me: *looking up again and smirking when I realize there are actually two frat boys in the truck*
Driver: You wanna go get naked with us?
Me: I'm going to a party.
Driver: Where at?
Driver: You gonna get naked?
Me: *more smirking* Maybe.
Driver: We'll follow you!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *more smirking while speeding off*
Yeah, whatever. Come on, does that EVER actually work? Are there girls who say "Hey, sure! You got a nice truck! I'll go get naked with you two total and complete strangers! I'll even throw in a couple of blow jobs since you seem so nice!" I think not!
Anyway, I DID make it to the party, but not before getting hopeless lost again and having to call K to help me navigate BACK to where I was supposed to be. The party was fun, I'll post photos later and before you ask - NO they never caught up to me so they didn't get to the party, and YES I did get lost going home - but hey, that was a given.