A - You are correct pronouciations of your childs name is EXTREMELY important. I am constantly correcting people on Cabbage Patch's name. When they hear it they say "Oh that's pretty" but when people read it they always say it wrong. Hell even my father-in-law says it wrong. It will drive you to drink if your in-laws can't say the baby's name correctly.

I like Sophie. It's always been a name that I loved. That and Elmira (hubby hated that one).

When is your little one due?

My Little Ballerina

I'm so excited. Super Girl starts her ballet/tap classes this coming Tuesday! She is going to LOVE them. I'm going to go get the things she needs for class tonight.

Baghdad museum was looted... Or was it?

A friend sent me this link. I read this story with great disgust. The last two lines in the article are quite profound and quite true. Sad and sickening.

And One More Smile...

D left a little thank you note for me, I just found it. :o) How sweet.

Things That Made Me Smile Today

I got my Blue Willow china plate. I love it! It's beautiful!

My sister came over and hung out today. What fun. Lunch at Golden Coral with 2 sleepy kids (Cabbage Patch was falling asleep in her high chair!)

The song L put on her page for me. Thank you L, that did make me smile. Ironicly as I listened to the song the clouds burst forth in a dazzeling display of force. Strong storms for tonight, but I'll make it. ;o)

Texas, The Fascist Regime

I’m sure that little tidbit above is not new information to many people who reside in Texas, especially if you happen to be a parent, gay, poor or not have a ‘typical’ family life. L-rd help you if you happen to be any combination of the above listed, because the great state of Texas will not look upon you kindly. This I know from first hand experience. My family: hubby and I are parents, he happens to be gay, we do fall into the category of being poor and we don’t have a ‘typical’ family. This makes us criminal in the eyes of the extremely conservative and oppressive lawmakers of Texas. For those of you wondering, yes I am making vague references to the legal issues I’ve been dealing with for the past year. The state has actually run out of reasons to keep this case open… well legitimate reasons that is, as long as my husband is gay and we don’t have a cookie-cutter family they will not view us as anything but WRONG and will go out of their way to keep this case open. It’s amazing what unchecked power some departments in the State of Texas have. I have been stunned and disgusted by what the State of Texas has been allowed to force us to do. Yes force us to do. And without the benefit of any kind of representation. Innocent until proven guilty does not apply in all circumstances. In this case it was guilty with out benefit of being able to prove our innocents. There is so much misinformation and out right lies involved in this legal issue, but the state has no intentions of correcting any of it, after all if they did then it would prove our innocents in this issue. The absolute worst part is that we have virtually NO recourse in this matter. The laws protect this particular department of the State of Texas. We don’t even have the legal right to know exactly what we were accused of (we do know, we found out many months into this issue). Also the State of Texas can add allegations to the list against us, they don’t even have to have proof, just by virtue of them being who they are their word is taken as gospel truth. Our only option has been to hire a lawyer and comply with their demands. Our lawyer has just managed to keep the list of demands to a minimum. Even at that it’s still been an ongoing list of services that for SOME reason never seems to end. The service providers are baffled as to why we are continually subjected to the services and all of them end up saying the same thing, that there is no reason for us to be in the services and this is just a waste of resources by the State. Two professionals who were providing services actually refused to see us any longer unless the State could give compelling reasons for us to continue. Miraculously those services were listed as complete at our next hearing.

You’re probably wondering why I’m writing (vaguely at that) about my legal issues. Because I had my weekly visit from the State and was told that our case isn’t scheduled to be closed until the beginning of August. Yet again they are extending the length of the case. Our last hearing at the beginning of May should have been our final hearing, but the State put yet a new person in charge of our case (this is the 4th person to be on this case) and one of the lawyers for the State intimated that if we just complied this time for the extension we could be back in court next month (this month) and it would be the end. The new person on this case told me the first time she came for her visit that she didn’t think this would end for a few months. August would be 3 months of her being on this case. So next week we go to court knowing that this is just another day to waste time and incur more legal fees, as the case won’t be ending anytime before August. Great at least 2 more times in court… and at $250 an hour… each court hearing lasts from an hour and a half to 4 hours… we will be out a minimum of $500, I don’t even want to imagine what the maximum could be. The amount of money we have spent on lawyer fees could have bought us a new car (something we desperately need). Do I think this case will be over in August? No, I think the State will drag this out as long as possible (a full 18 months). Maybe we will be done with all of this by this Christmas.

The really sick part is how much of my tax dollars has gone to this.

Finding Nemo

Tonight we took the little people to see Finding Nemo. We had decided to take the little people to get ice cream and the theater is right next to the ice cream place. On impulse we checked to see when the next showing was - in 10 minutes! We got tickets and headed in (to spend way to much money on popcorn, drinks and candy). The little people were sooooooo good, they sat through the movie, stayed quiet and WATCHED the movie. I was shocked... and a little irritated that they treated daddy to a problem free movie, but noooooo they can't be good for just mommy... Sheesh... to be honest I think it was more the junk food than his presence. Anyway... I loved the movie. I got a huge kick out of the aquarium scenes. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

L - you must go see this movie. It's great. Don't worry about getting a kid to go see it with - I saw several adults sans kids there.

Stolen from L's blog

What song reminds you of your father? Of your mother?
My mother... well Take Me Home Country Road by Bob Denver - she used to sing that to me when I was really small and anything by The Manhattan Transfer, Kenny G or Yanni. She loved all of them. She would listen to them on Sunday morning on the back porch while she read the paper with her cat (named Yanni). My father... Inna-godda-davida - Iron Butterfly, I know he really likes that song. My former step-father, well any piece of crap by Stevie Nicks, Fleetwood Mac or Moody Blues. Sheesh he used to listen to that All The Freaking Time! I hated them long before I disliked the man, now the songs make me want to vomit because they remind me of him. (although I like the Dixie Chicks version of Landslide - much better than the original)

What song reminds you of your sibling(s)?
My sister who is closest to me - this song by the Carpenters, it's something like 'On the day that you were born, the angels got together...' I don't know the name, I always call it the locust song (don't ask me why, makes me think of locust). D always sings that to me on my b-day. :oP Carol King's Tapestry album makes me think of her also. My brother, theres an old song by Yaz (of course it's old if it's by them), I can't remember what song it was, but I was visiting once and he had my walkman (ohhh remember thoes, just played the radio and tapes!), he was singing along to that song. He is sooooooo tone deaf I made him promise that he would NEVER sing along to that song again. hehehe...
My oldest sister and my step sister, well I really don't know them enough to associate a song with them.

What song reminds you of elementary school?
hehehehe... this made me laugh when I thought of it. Angel In The Centerfold by J Giles. It reminds me of my last year in elementary school walking home with my best friend singing that song.

What song reminds you of Jr. High?
Duran Duran! Anything by Duran Duran!

What song reminds you of high school?
Hmmm... early HS - Dokken - they did the song for that years Nightmare On Elm Street movie - 'In my dreams your still the same, your love is strong it still remains...' It also reminds me of this guy I had a major thing for, he had a thing for me, but some higher power kept us apart - thankfully - he was a scum! Later in highschool - The Cure - anything by The Cure, The Smiths, Echo and The Bunnymen, Psychadelic Furs (but of course!). Guns and Roses also - 'Welcome To The Jungle' - one of my friends could do an impression of Axel Rose that would crack everyone up (of course we were usually drunk when he did it). And who could forget George Michael 'I Want Your Sex'.

What song reminds you of college?
U2 "Rattle & Hum". I remember that came out when I was in college. I remember someone talking about going to see a U2 Concert once while I was waiting on class to start. I wasn't really in to U2 right then, I thought they had gotten to commercial. EVERYBODY liked them, EVERYBODY played them (to death). And I remember when the Zoo TV tour happened. I thought that was so stupid. Funny thing, I really like U2 now.

What song reminds you of the happiest time of your life?
Hmmm.. not so much a song as a genre of music. Swing music. It reminds me of when hubby and I took swing dance lessons. I loved that so much and we had so much fun. Every thing in our life was going so well.

What CD are you currently listening to, or did you last listen to? Is it from a genre you listened to as a teenager?
I've been listening to Everclear and disk 1 of Jesus Christ Superstar. Yeah I know, real happy stuff. I like it though. I get stuck on a CD I really like and will listen to it until I can't stand to hear it for a month or so. I listened to BNR's Gordon so much I can't listen to the whole CD anymore.

What CD in your collection would your teenage/younger self laugh at?
Anything that is my husbands HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

What CD/artist did you love when you were younger that you now cringe at?
Bon Jovi

Bonus question: what band most deserves a tribute album? What current artists should cover their songs?
(copying L here)Not a clue. I worry about my favorite artists getting screwed by the cover artists.

Never Too Young To Sell Out...

I read this article with surprise and disgust. As if it's not bad enough that the shoe companies are signing up 18 year olds and 13 year olds to endorsement deals, now they are using a 3 year old for marketing. I don't know what's worse, the company for using this little tyke to sell their name or the parents for exploiting their child. The parents and the company should both be bitch-slapped.

Boredom, Parenthood & Relationships….

L – Dallas sometimes feels as if nothing ever changes either. Time stands still. At least for me, I don’t have much of an exciting life. Occasionally I venture outside of this little cave I live my life in and find something mildly exciting. But generally I don’t, I tend to be on the safe side in most areas. Nothing wrong with that I suppose except it does get boring at times and I do get the feeling of life just rushing past me while I stand on the sidewalk just watching or worse not even noticing that it’s happening. Currently my life is not really like that – boring that is. I have more going on than I care to, mostly due to the legal issues going on and financial issues from my husband not having a permanent job and having to take a contract job that makes substantially less than he did before. I’m thankful for the contract job though; it’s better than no job at all. Anyway, what I’m trying to express is that you are not alone, EVERYONE just about EVERYWHERE has that feeling of nothingness and pointlessness. I doubt most people REALLY know where they are going or what options they have. Everyone HAS options, maybe not all good and maybe not any better than what they are currently doing, but EVERYONE has options. I think that most people just don’t pay attention to what their options are and many who do know tend to ignore the ones that involve doing things that scare them or that they feel are to difficult or too much of a risk to take. You’re in a rut. It’s normal. We all get into ruts. ;o) Try this… think about your life, list off the top 5 things that suck and you want to change (things about your life not about yourself), then list off the top 5 things that are great and you don’t want to change. Then ponder how you can make the 5 things off the suck list change without changing the 5 things on the great list. Then plan to go do something you have never done but have always wanted to do. Just a suggestion. (Feel free to roll your eyes up or make a sarcastic remark, I’ll never know unless you tell me.)

On to parenthood. I do understand your reluctance to want to procreate. Especially when you said “I am also extremely worried that any child I produce would inherit my physical problems and knowing what I go through, I can't bear the idea of bringing another person into this world who will have to go through the same thing.” This is something I also worry about, but not a whole lot. I don’t want my girls to have to deal with the weight issues I’ve had to deal with my whole life so I’m trying to teach them to have positive attitudes about food and not insist that they clean their plates. I know that my job as a parent and whether I do a good job or a crappy job will determine their attitudes and outlook as a adults so I try hard not to screw up completely (as I do feel my mother did more often than not). I worried about all of that more before I had kids than I do now, I think that’s why hubby and I were married 5 years before we had our first child. I was worried I’d be a shitty mother. I thank one of my counselors for telling me “You don’t have to become your mother.” It sounds simple and logical, like knowledge I should have always known, but it was absolutely profound. Like getting permission to do things MY way. It was still a few years after I learned that before I took the plunge and became a parent. As far as the not being able to sustain a relationship with any man who fathered a child with you. I don’t know that you really should worry all that much about it. My parents divorced when I was very small, my mother remarried a few years later, I didn’t have a relationship with my real father until I was 23. I don’t really think NOT having a relationship with him hurt me. On the other hand, I don’t think having a relationship with my former stepfather was always a possitive thing – it wasn’t always a good thing, but it wasn’t always a bad thing. Honestly I think my mother could have done a lot better for my sister and myself if she had of done it on her own and not relied on the support of other people – many of whom were experts at being negative influences in anyone’s life. Basically my thoughts are that there are a lot of worse things a woman can do other than raise a child by herself.

And on to love and relationships. I do believe there is someone out there for everyone… as long as your willing to go out there and look for that person (many people want to believe there is someone out there but they don’t want to get off their ass and look for that someone, but would rather that this person just fall into their lap… which really doesn’t happen). I’m not sure I believe in ‘soulmates’, I really don’t know… maybe… but then again maybe not. I had to laugh at your statement of “I once had an affair, where the person just walked up to me out of the blue and said "You are very attractive. Wanna get it on?" (well, okay, it was a little more sophisticated than that, but not by much) and without thinking about it at all, I said yes, and we did it for about six months.” That’s so funny, I had a similar experience of a man telling me “You are very attractive. Wanna get it on?” (except not quite so sophisticated at all) and without thinking at all (due to my drunken state) I said yes and we did it for about 3 or 4 hours. (I know slutty of me, but I was in college). I am almost always willing to take a chance on love. I think that means I end up with my heart broken more than I like, but I really don’t mine. I would rather have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. Cliché, I know, but true. I’m a perpetual optimist in some areas.

Peace And Quiet...

Currently the little people are at the pool with their daddy. He took them to the pool as soon as he got home. They were so damn excited. And so was I! An hour of me time! Woohoo! I wish I had something more intresting and exciting to do than just sit here pounding away at the keyboard with the news on in the background. Although watching the news is a HUGE deal for me. I never get to watch the news. In a contest between me watching the news while having to hear the little people whine or watch moronic cartoons and have non whining kids - I'll go for cartoons every time.

So I did end up cleaning the house, just could not stand the mess. I didn't do the dishes or finish the laundry though. I can stay in the living room and pretend they don't exsist. Denial is an important part of life.

L - I do love the new pics on your page. The bon-bons make me want chocolate. Lots of chocolate. LOTS AND LOTS of chocolate. mmmm...

I do have the same problem of telegraphing my emotions by the look on my face. I used to think I didn't do that but after having been informed continuously that I DO I have come to realize that I do. It makes life difficult at times. Trying to keep a neutral look on my face when I'm thinking "What a fucking idiot." or "Shut the fuck up." And with my current legal issues, it does make my life challenging. I also have a problem with my tone as well. I often can't keep my tone neutral either so even on the phone I give myself away. That sucks. I'm so transparent. When I'm angry with my husband he doesn't even have to ask, he knows, he just avoids me (probably a smart move...). Although when I was on Zoloft, I think I could keep my moods/thoughts to myself... that's one vote for Zoloft. ;o)

Just me rambling now... I need to finish dinner before the family comes back from the pool.

Completly Unmotivated...

That's how I feel today. I need to clean house and I just don't freaking want to. You see... yesterday I work, and I had a pretty good day of work. Decent sales, not to many babies to take, no really crappy people do deal with. Upon returning home I discovered that hubby had let the little people mess up the living room. They were all taking naps and the livingroom that I have worked so hard to keep clean all week was a wreck. Yesterday after I took a nap, the house was even more of a mess. I prodded the little people to clean some but my efforts did not extend to my husband. I even told him that since he had been here and allowed the little people to make such messes he needed to help them clean it up all he did was shoot me a dirty look (which prompted me to turn away from him lest I act on my homicidal impulses that his dirty look caused).

Now... I have a mountain of laundry to do, clean the livingroom, dishes to do... and I don't want to do any of it. Hell I'm still in my night gown (the little people are dressed but I slipped my night gown on after baths). Well I better get with it and clean up before the house is unrecognizable. Hell if I don't clean it I know it sure as hell won't get done. Maybe while I clean I'll find my motivation, I have so much to do; cleaning, laundry, dishes, E-Bay listings...

OK, I'm done whining... ;o)

L - I'm with you. Same feeling of being kind of depressed and pent up. *sigh* I would think that today I'd be feeling so much different. I didn't work so no pressure there, no need for a nap... but not so. I mean I didn't have a bad day at all. The little people were pretty good, the house is clean and I made a kick ass cake today for 2 friends birthdays (I'll post the picture a little later) - Yin Yang cake with yummy butter cream frosting. Went grocery shopping this morning before hubby went to game day. Everything went great. But... I don't know... feeling kind of depressed. *sigh* I wonder if it's hormonal. Wish I could have the wine and chocolate L, I bet that would make everything feel better. I do have chocolate, have had chocolate today even, but I think the lack of wine - good wine - is making the chocolate less effective at lifting this haze of mild depression. Wine... or antidepressants. hmmm... I often wonder if I should get back on the Zoloft. I did like the totally even mood the Zoloft gave me but I kind of DIDN'T like it... too even of a mood. I mean it was great because very little that the little people did bothered me, hell very little of anything bothered me, but that's not always a GOOD thing. I am a passionate person and I react strongly to most things in life (not always a good thing though) and I just wasn't like that when I was on the Zoloft... really no strong emotions. Not that I wasn't happy or didn't get upset, but I didn't get happy or upset to any extreme. Just even. hmmmm maybe if the Zoloft was in a weaker dose, eh, I don't know that I really need it.

Really I'm just rambling. People are over right now and I'm somewhat bored with what is going on. I'm not in the game currently so I'm bored and I'm being a shit by being on the computer. Very rude of me to do this. I'm so rude. And bored. Rude and Bored. Rude and Bored. Rude Bored Rude Bored Rude Bored.... hmmmm I need sleep.