Friday, March 07, 2008

Testing Day

Today was a day of trials and tests. All of them for ME. Yesterday where I burnt my hand and pinched my arm was a fucking paradise compared to today. Today was shitty mutha' fuckin' customer day. Go get a drink or something, I'm going to tell you all about it.

First most of the customers I came in contact with today had been lobotomized (well they SEEMED to have been). One very SPECIAL call came right before I went to lunch. a woman called the store wanting to know if I could put a waterfall on a wedding cake. I told her I didn't understand what she was talking about, was this a decoration of some sort. She said yes it was and kept repeating it was a waterfall. Water fall makes me think this:

The woman says she wants to know if I can put the waterfall on a different cake than she saw it on. I told her I didn't know, and asked again if the waterfall was a decoration. So she started talking to me like I was stupid - which just pissed me off. I said if she brought in a picture and came in we could talk, then she said she was on the store's website and saw it on a cake called Catherine. I told her to hold on so I could look in my wedding cake book and see what the fuck she was talking about - well I just told her to hold on and grabbed my wedding cake book. I go to page 26 where Catherine is and I see a cake with: (look below) A fucking FOUNTAIN! A fucking CAKE FOUNTAIN to be exact. I wanted to slap that bitch. I did say "Oh, that's called a FOUNTAIN." Then I went to lunch which brought a bright spot to my day as I got a chance to chat with my sweetie Sarge for a moment.
Oh yes, before I left I had done this lovely cake.
It's really this shade of pink, I didn't adjust the color on the previous photo - no will to change it.
And I did this cake. This cake actually took a bit of my time - I kept getting interupted by the lobotomized masses. I even have a lovely black stain of black dye snaking down my arm from having been interupted while air brushing this cake. Now earlier this week a woman came in with the napkin you see in the upper right of the photo. She said she wanted a cake to match the napkin and said she didn't want it iced in black icing because that tastes bad, I agreed with her and told her that I never do that unless it's requested and instead air brush the cakes which doesn't taste bad. We discussed this back and forth for a few minutes, I thought she understood that airbrushed black doesn't taste crappy or bitter and that she was okay with this. Then she mentioned that her daughter loved my cakes and really liked the ones with the scrolls on them. We talked a bit more and she was insistent that the cake match the napkin and then said I was to do whatever I wanted, just make it look good and match the napkin. The above is what I did - it matched the napkin and I think it's elegant yet simple and dramatic.

Upon returning from lunch I saw the woman standing at the counter with the cake and knew something was amiss. Seems she didn't like the cake. Seems she didn't want black at all and instead wanted it with the scrolls. She did however like the yellow/gold square in the middle with the star. So basically she didn't mean she wanted it to match the napkin at all. I told her I would scrape down the cake and re-do it. I was SEETHING by then. It didn't help that her crotchety old mother was there making comments "isn't that black going to seep into the cake?" No, no it won't. Icing doesn't seep into cakes dumbass. So.. this is what she ended up with. It's fine, it's pretty enough, but I don't like it because it DOESN'T MATCH.
So, that's it. I left after that so I wouldn't have to deal with anymore idiot customers and possibly kill someone.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Snow AGAIN??

This morning was a perfectly lovely morning. I can't say the same for this afternoon. Because I don't watch the news and generally only check the weather in the morning to see if I need to wear a coat or not, I had no idea it was supposed to get NASTY. Mid day the company health inspector came through and said it was POURING outside and supposed to snow. I was all WHAT? And I was all WHAT? for a good reason - I was about to be leaving work and heading home. See, me working yesterday meant that if I worked all day today and all day tomorrow I MIGHT end up going over 40 hours and that's just FORBIDDEN. But whatever, let's go back to me having to walk home in the RAIN. Luckily by the time I left work it was no longer raining.

It was SLEETING! Woohoo! (Yes I know I am a dipshit for taking a shitty photo of me in the sleet, but whatever! I was already in the cold so why not?) A little note about sleet - it STINGS when it hits you in the face (note the pained expression).

Within an hour of getting home it was SNOWING. Big fat fluffy wet flakes.
Oh yeah, other not so thrilling things that happened today - I burnt my hand making donuts this morning (not bad but ouchie!) and I pinched my arm while getting supplies (OUCH!) so I was afraid to use a knife for fear of cutting off my foot or something.


K got off work early because of the weather and he picked up the Tiny Terrorists from school just for safety. The the Tiny Terrorists were THRILLED with the snow and had to go out and play in the slushy white stuff until their little toes and fingers were cold and red. Now we are playing a game while dinner cooks. Yes I am playing a board game and blogging. I've played this game many many times so I can give it just a fraction of my attention. Yes I suck.

Speaking of games... HAH! You thought I was going going to say speaking of SUCKING! You perv. Anyway, games... yeah. Last night my sweetie Sarge whipped my ass at Magic. Twice and I enjoyed it very much. I really love to find a game that's hard for me to win. And this game, well I'm unfamiliar with it so it's HARD, which makes me want to play it MORE. And wow, a guy who plays games and can beat me at them - that's fucking HOT. Yes, I know, I am a geek, I just equated playing games with hotness, I won't go into how discussing comic books or Torchwood/Dr.Who/Star Trek makes me want to rip his clothes off him and do naughty things.

And I left with another Godzilla movie.

The FIRST (actually it's the second, which is an adaptation for American viewers of the first, Gojira) - Godzilla King Of The Monsters with Raymond Burr. No really, Raymond Burr is in this movie. It rocks!

My youngest is insane, the cat is meowing at K in the kitchen and Cabbage Patch is saying "This is not a restaruant." to the cat. What?

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

A Day Off... Or NOT

Today was to be my day off but I got called in because someone was sick. I eroniously thought I'd be at work for a mere 1 hour - from 9 until 10 am so I wasn't very concerned with it. In fact I didn't even consider doing any 'REAL' work. I just replaced the pretty blue cake that got bought yesterday (the one I just put in yesterday) with another pretty blue cake nearly identical to yesterdays cake. Why nearly identical? Because I liked that cake! So anyway, at 10 past 10 am I thought I must have misunderstood what was said to me and maybe I should look at the schedule. Ah-HA! I discovered that I am indeed an idiot and I would be working until 1 pm. Hmmmm... damn. That's half my day GONE! And here I was thinking I'd get some stuff done around the house. So far that's two days in a row that has happened to me. Oh, yes, two days. Let me tell you about yesterday (since today was really kind of boring as far as work goes and I'm not going to go into graphic detail on the masturbation part)...

Yesterday was Tuesday and not just any Tuesday it was SUPER TUESDAY. Now just the name here conjures exciting images of Super Heroes and FUN stuff and maybe even cupcakes! But lo, that is an incorrect image because Super Tuesday is a misleading name for it is not SUPER in the least (It is in fact a Tuesday though), and there are no Super Heroes or even anyone dressed in a funny costume (except me who was dressed in the most appalling trailer trash ensemble EVEAH!) and definitely NO CUPCAKES. So basically it sucks. And let me tell you just HOW much it sucked for ME. Ya see, K happens to be a rather politically active gay man. I know, that just sounds like an oxymoron. Politically active and gay man just don't go together, maybe fashion forward and gay man, but when discussing K THAT would be FALSE. But I digress, yet again...

K arrived home at 6:30 pm and said "Come on, let's go vote." And I sighed a big sigh and looked for some shoes to put on. K asked me if I wanted to stay for the Calculus or something like that that happens after voting and it sounded much to complicated and mathmatical to me so I said NO. Besides, I had stuff to do. I had dinner to make. I had batteries to wear out. I put on my boots and a hoodie and off we went, this wouldn't take more than 20 minutes and I could look like trailer trash for 20 minutes. We all piled into the car and headed not towards the Senior Center where we have always voted but to the court house where K says we voted before but I think the voices in his head told him to say that. Hmmm I started to regret my unfortunate clothing choice. We got to the court house and circled the parking lot. I began to see that this was going to take longer than 20 minutes and more than just some old people would be subjected to my frightening apparel. Damn.

We found a place to park in an adjacent parking lot and went to find the end of the extremely long line. What FUN! It was 6:45 pm and still more people showed up.

Now I'm going to fast forward and just hit the hight lights to save you from falling into a coma right there on your keyboard. We stood in line, we discussed everything from work to weather, I gave K the evil eye for making me vote, the kids whined, I played a couple of games on my phone, I took photos of whining children, Super Girl whined herself into a weeks worth of grounding, we got hungry, the tiny terrorists got hungry and really whiney and we finally voted. All total it took 2 fucking hours of my life. Sheesh.

Now for CAKE!!

Not the same cake as yesterday.
Close though.

And this is what happens when you just leave me to my own devices and leave me with instructions like "Some pink and kind of classy... Happy Birthday Mother."

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I HEART Godzilla!

I have ALWAYS loved Godzilla. As a small child my mother would take me to watch Godzilla movies while my siblings did that school thing. The best part was that the movies were in Japanese. One time I along with a group of small Asian children got in trouble for spitting Jujubes at the screen. Heh, I was a rebel even back then.

Last week I borrowed Godzilla Vs Mothra from my sweetie Sarge. The first of many that shall be borrowed... and probably burned for myself... er... for an *cough* archival copy *cough*. Sunday night I discovered that my love of all things Godzilla is genetic and was encoded on the DNA I contributed to each of my progeny. The Tiny Terrorists were mesmerized by the movie. And my love for them swelled. Where as K tempted me to poison him by besmirching my beloved monster. We had a conversation that went something like this*:

Cabbage Patch: Is Godzilla good or bad?
Me: He's good!
K: He's a force of nature, he's not good.
K: Force of nature.
Super Girl: Is he good or bad?
Me: He's good. He doesn't mean to tear up all that stuff, it's just... in his way. See he's just hungry and BIG so those houses and stuff are like your toys on the floor in your room, he can't help but step on them.
K: He's a force of nature, he isn't good.
Me: Shut your pie hole. You are talking to a woman who has an inflatable Godzilla in her closet. I've had him longer than I've had you so guess who means more to me.
K: And he's still in the closet.

The best part of the evening (aside from me picturing K with a large knife sticking out of his head) was at the end when Cabbage Patch said "That was a GREAT movie!" I couldn't agree more. Godzilla ROCKS! I'm going to borrow another Godzilla movie tomorrow.
Snow Day! Snow Day! Snow Day!

This morning I was greeted with this sight:

Isn't it beautiful! Normally I'm not too keen on snow as it often causes the offspring to miss school and the roads to ice up so that I hyperventilate at the thought of driving... and sliding on ice... and crashing into things... like I've done before.

Not so today! The schools were delayed 2 hours, of which I didn't have to deal with because I had to be at work at 7 am! Meaning I had to leave for work just 15 minutes after they got up! Woohoo! I of course scored major points with them this morning by letting them go play in the snow RIGHT after they got up. I figured it was only fair since most of the snow would be melted by the time they got home.

It was an absolutely fabulous walk into work also. A lot of people were not on the roads because it was a little icy so it was peaceful and I got to put my footprints in the snow first. I only wish I'd had the time to throw snow balls at my offspring.

Now for CAKE!!
This is my favorite cake for today. Someone came in and ordered a cake for a coworker who just got back from eloping. That totally rocks.
She wanted it to look special, sort of wedding-ish and maybe some pastel pink if a color.
I liked the pink so much I did a similar one in blue.
This one is in the display case now. Wonder if it'll still be there on Thursday when I go back to work.

Speaking of work, things have settled down. The new store director seems to be nice and very active in the store. This is good, maybe the store will start showing a profit again.

Eh, whatever, I have to go do laundry.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Cat Puke

I am utterly convinced that vomiting is a major cat hobby. They probably have meet ups and web sites devoted to the art of vomiting and hacking up hairballs. Personally I'm really TIRED of my cat and her bulemic habits. I'm tired of the sneaky puke that gets found in the wee hours of the morning on the way to the bathroom. Way tired of the middle of the living room puke to greet me when I return home. And oh Sweet Baby Jebus I'm sick of the middle of the night yacking on the bed wake up call.

She needs a new hobby. I'm thinking of leaving some sudoku books around and seeing if she likes that better than vomiting.

Ps - no worries about the cat, she isn't sick, she's been a puker all her life. She and her sister are just dramatic compulsive lickers who have a bad case of Mary Kate and Ashley syndrome.
More CAKE!

Ahhh lovely daffodils. I'm really pleased with how this cake came out.
My best basket yet!
Purple flowers... again.


The Tiny Terrorists are going on about Dr. Suesse and how it's his 102 birthday or something. They are are listing off all the Dr. Seuss titles they can think of... and not entirely correct, but amusing none the less. Super Girl just said 'There's a Weasel in My Pocket' which made me snicker and think of boys I dated in high school. Then there was 'Martin Hears a Who', which I corrected her that it's HORTON who heard the who. She contemplated for a moment then in a very serious and questioning tone she said "But who does he hear?"

hehehe... and I just over heard Cabbage Patch say (for her doll of course) "When I break it, I fix it." tehehe! As if!
It's Raining! It's Pouring!

And damn it, I have to work! I'd really like to stay home and read comic books in bed all day. It's a perfect day that! Not a perfect day to walk to work. Blah! Still had to do it, and have to do it again... lunch is almost OVER!

Bitching over. Enjoy the rain.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Hoof and Mouth Disease

I wonder, is it possible to choke on ones own foot? I mean while it's still attached and working correctly and all. Shit I hope not. I'm an asshole sometimes.
Letters From The Edge... of Sanity

Dear Dryer;

First of all, thank you for drying all those clothes I keep stuffing into you! That's so damn cool! Thanks!

Secondly, WTF? Seriously, WTF? Last night I opened you up and pawed around in you searching out my pink socks and I could not find them, they were NOT in there. Today, I open you up to remove clothes and what do I see? My pink knee socks, both of them. What the fuck are you trying to pull? Not funny. BUT I'll forgive you and take this (the fact that you returned BOTH of my socks to me) as a sign of you wanting to be buddies again. I still like you.

Now the real question is if you are going to return the other million or so socks you've stolen over the years? and what about that cool dress of mine? I can't PROVE that you took it, but I strongly suspect you had a hand... er... door?... in it's dissapearance. Is this truce to be permanent or are you just trying to lure me in so you can do something truly heinous?


yes people I really did just stop doing laundry to write this. ADD rules!
Sunday Catching Up

I was thrilled to find out that I didn't need to go into work today. I went back to bed for another 6 hours... I wish, but I did go back to be until the offspring's fighting over the Wii got to loud for me to sleep any longer.

I've spend the day either cleaning my pig sty... er Casa De Karmically Challenged or on the computer tweaking a pattern for my embroidery machine - which I did manage to do and I'm so very proud of myself because I didn't read the instructions or anything! (Yes I do realized that actually having READ the instructions or having done the tutorial for the program would have probably made this task a 10 - 20 minute task, but whatever! Reading instructions is for Commies!) I wish my cats were born at Disney Land/World and were cute and helpful and liked to do chores. Then I'd be all cheerful when I got up in the morning and saw that they thoughtfully had made me breakfast and set out my clothes for me. Instead they were born in a barn and can't manage to close a door! (both true statements) Kind of like my kids... who weren't born in a barn but have an aversion to closing doors... and turning off lights... or picking up after themselves...

What was I saying? Oh yeah, cleaning. The Tiny Terrorists have been about as helpful as the cats and have been much less pleasant about it. The only thing my cat did was puke... and she was thoughtful enough to do it RIGHT on some dirty clothes so I didn't have to clean it off the carpet or accidentally step in it. And just recently they've been... the progeny, not the cats, have been trying to kill each other. One pushed the other who fell on the bed frame of their bed and the one claimed it was an accident, yadda, yadda, yadda. They've been separated and disciplined. Since they are both way too old to be spanked I've taken to an ages old method that was employed by my mother and probably many of your mothers. I used GUILT. Yes, yes I did intentionally make my oldest feel guilty for hurting her sister. And you know what, I'll do it again. It's DAMN'D effective! And now it's quite in Casa De Karmacially Challenged.

Moving on - Life is strange at times... well most days for me. I just got off the phone with the new Brownie Troop leader for Cabbage Patch. In talking she mentioned the name of the co-leader and I said "Co-Leader's name? I went to high school with her." Co-Leader happens to be my former nemisis from high school. That sounds menacing and evil, but she's not. She's very nice, we just disliked each other in high school because, well we were young and stupid. And now we are grown up and we like each other and we live about 10 minutes from each other. Totally fucking weird.

Okay, I've run out of coherent things I should write about so have some CAKE!

Does this look familair?
It should, I did one like this a few months ago. It's on my display counter now, someone ordered it after seeing the display.
Bethany's cake.

Bullets and booze was her theme. She loved the cake. You should have seen them putting matches on the cake because they didn't have candles. HAHAHAHAHA! White trash!

Okay, I need to clean now.