Friday, October 29, 2004

Breaking My Heart

Dear Cabbage Patch;

Sometimes it really does suck to be the youngest. My heart was breaking for you when your daddy left with Super Girl, leaving you stareing at the door through big wet tears. The injustice of life was quite painful at that moment. I remember the same 'too little' moments in my life dear. Take heart sweet baby, it all balances out later in life. There will be countless times you get to do something that your sister will protest "What??? You never let me do that at her age!" Those moments will be golden and well worth the tiny injustices of childhood.

Easily Amused

Yes I am. This morning I handed each of the Little People the clothing they were to wear. Both of my progeny got dressed. I thought Cabbage Patch's pants looked a bit odd but didn't give it more than a thought as we were running late which meant we would litterally be running to the bus stop.

Sometime after nap Cabbage Patch comes out of the bathroom with her pants and undies pulled up over the front part of her tee shirt. Her panties were pulled up about two inches above the waist band for her pants and I could see the tag for her pants sticking up. I got the giggles. She didn't want to turn her pants around the right way either. Heh.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

New Blog!

That spiteful little monkey has gotten his own blog. Go check out Angry Albino Sock Monkey Rants. So far it's just a bunch of pictures of the little fucker - he's vain.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Halloween Hectic!

Sheesh! Halloween is just days away! What the fuck? How did that happen???? *sigh* I have to finish costumes for both of the Little People (Cabbage Patch's is nearly complete) and a costume for K (it's going to kick ass). I'm so damn busy. I'm not even cleaning house (which I need to do before things start to obscure the floor) - well that's a bit of a lie, I did clean the living room this morning, but I'm leaving the rest for K when he get's home. Yikes! I can't believe I'm going to leave a task like that to him. Everyone know's I'm totally neurotic! Okay, deep breaths... I'll be fine. I have to go now, must work out while I have time and before my ass decides to get 3 inches wider.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Space Talk

Conversation on the way home from Wally World.

Cabbage Patch: Where we going?
Me: Home.
(moments pass)
Super Girl: Where are we going?
Me: Home.
(2 minutes later)
CP: Where we going?
Me: *sigh* Home.
(1 minute later)
CP: Where we going?
SG: Where are we going?
Me: Mars.
CP: Where we going?
Me: Mars. We are going to Mars.
CP: Mars?
Me: Yes, we are going to Mars right now.
SG: Mom, did you call Washington?
Me: *giggling*

Now how did she know that a trip to Mars would have to be approved by the government? *sigh* Memo to self, call govt. and get trip to Mars approved. Also call Tooth Fairy and get on her schedule for Wednesday night. Yes, Super Girl lost another tooth. She's thrilled to now have a large gap where her too front teeth used to reside. And she has a cute lisp now.
Political Laughs

This is funny. I think I shall never be able to think of Disney in the same way.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Movie Comments

My recent trip to the library found me in possesion of the DVD for 'Dangerous Liaisons'. I had never seen that movie. When it came out I was still in high school and was completly disinterested in watching anything like that. I only picked this up at the library because it was the only Grown Up movie that I had not seen and looked at least mildly entertaining. That and I do like Glenn Close.

So we watched the movie. I enjoyed the movie quite a bit. Glenn Close and John Malkovich are such superb actors and the story is just fabulous. My only kvetch - Who the FUCK had the bright idea to cast Keanu Reeves in this movie? He was soooooo awful. Although his part was rather small and his actual screen time was quite short - he was totally and completly distracting for every second he was on screen. Every time he opened his mouth the belivability of the movie plumeted, the quality suffered and I could almost see his co-stars cringe at his ever utterance. I admit, he is very pretty to look at, but he's a HORRIBLE actor. My personal plea to Keanu - Please, please stop ruining movies with your 'acting' (unless it's another barely watchable sequel to Bill & Ted's Excelent Adventure - in which you were fucking perfect!). People still want to see you, just not watch you act - take up underwear modeling. And while your at it, pass along this message to Ben Affleck, he's another one I'd rather just look at than have to watch 'act'. Much Warmth, Judy.
Rainy Day

Dear lord it is raining here. It's BEEN raining most of the day. Most of the FREAKING day. Not a steady pattering rain, but a soft almost mist rain that I didn't even know was going on until Cabbage Patch stared at the window and proclaimed "It raining" to which my all knowing mommyness decreed that it was in fact NOT raining, a fact that I had deducted from the fact that I did not hear rain, hear thunder or see the flashing of lightening, therefore it could not be raining but was infact just cloudy. Cabbage Patch, being the astute and observant toddler that she is, ignored my proclaimation and again stated the obvious to me, this time pointing at the window as if to emphasize without saying "Look you oblivious woman, it IS raining, open your damn eyes and look!" I walked to the window that she was pointing at and peeked out the blinds, upon seeing the wet pavement I was compelled to open the front door and peer out and say "Well what do you know, it is raining." That was early this morning - well earlier today, it was sometime after 9:30 am but before lunch.

3:30 pm today (time to walk to get Super Girl from the bus) it was still raining/misting. *sigh* Rainy cloudy days like that make it difficult for me to find any motivation to do anything other than lay on the couch with the television on drifting in and out of sleep getting up from the couch only to pee and to get more coffee and a sandwich. Not that ever happens, but that's all I WANT to do. Cabbage Patch is never motivated to do that. She's motivated to dump all her toys on the floor then refuse to pick them up. She's motivated to go to her room and come down 10 minutes later in a mismatched outfit complete with feathered hat and colorful lei then preform an interesting tribal song and dance routine while trying to keep a pair of my high heels on her tiny feet. She's motivated to grab Sunshine and try to wrap her up like a baby then chase her when she runs under the table, grabbing her leg and not letting go until either the cat wiggles free or I threaten to spank her. She's motivate to tell me she's hungry (thirsty) go to the fridge with me in tow, stand with the door open and change her mind 6 different times as to what she wants to drink, finally setteling on the first option offered and then changing her mind right after said liquid is securely in the no-spill sippy cup and throwing not quite so non-spilling non-spill sippy cup on the floor and screaming at me until I pick up cup, put back in fridge and leave her to whine in private. She's motivated to argue with me about what pair of panties she will wear today then put them on backwards and refusing to turn them around resulting in a daylong wedgie that for some reason does not bother her, but bothers me every damn time I see it (which unfortunately for me is far to frequent since she changed from shorts to a short cute skirt).

I still cling to the fantasy of laying on the sofa and watching television between near coma like napping, exiting bed only to take care of necessary things. Truly this is on my list of fantasies. Right under a week of being naked with XXX and a box of cool sex toys all with everlasting, never dieing batteries, a gallon jug of Astroglide and several bottles of cheap, tasty wine. (I know, no one really wanted to know that, but hey I'm sharing).

If there is an all powerful being somewhere, I am imploring him to either stop the rain or make The Tiny Terrorists very very sleepy, mommy wants to veg. *sigh* Gotta go make them put on shoes and go to the grocery store - hey all powerful, while your at it could you send over a pizza too so I don't have to go out? Hmmm? Maybe?
Poop Video

No I'm not talking about some pervert fetish video, I'm talking about a potty training video we purchased when Super Girl was first starting to potty train. It seemed like a really good idea. It was Bear In The Big Blue House (which is a whole other issue I'll get into later) which was a show Super Girl LOVED. It seemed promising that she might be convinced to use the potty by a giant ratty looking bear off the Disney Channel where we had failed to convince her to do as such on a regular basis. The video just didn't live up to it's potental. Super Girl watched it a couple of times then never glanced at it again. Eventually she did use the potty.

Fast forward 3 years. Cabbage Patch found the video amongst the hundreds and hundreds of child friendly videos hidden in a cabinet. Every few month when my sanity levels begin to dip dangerously into the 'Will Go On A Homicidal Shooting Spree' zone every time I hear a certain video, I know it's time to change out the videos. In this latest cycle I found that video and put it in circulation. This decision was based on two facts 1) that Cabbage Patch is nearly potty trained and just needs to consistently poop in the toilet and 2) I had completly forgotten the content of the video.

We don't have cable (no we don't live in a cave, we just don't have cable) so Cabbage Patch has never been inducted into the Disney Cult via it's direct mind control link of The Disney Channel. (This seems to only work on toddlers. As soon as Super Girl became preschool aged her loyalties changed and she became a Nick Jr. zombie.) Bear In The Big Blue House was new and exciting for her. All the freaky little creatures were interesting. And everyone of them was talking poop. I watched the video with Cabbage Patch and wondered what the hell I had been thinking when I purchased it. Pretty quickly in the video we have the 'pleasure' of seeing a neurotic blue mouse sitting on the toilet. I'm not even sure you can show that on television! Later Bear is summoned to the toilet to help the whiney little bear out as she's had an accident - again, another creature sitting on the throne. Everyone talks very frankly about pooping and toilets - it's like a conversation with a room full of retired people where the topics range from frequency, laxitives, fiber and 'roids. Just about the time I'm starting to be totally creeped out by the twin otters discussing using the potty in their sing-songy way, it's time for a song! Yeah you guessed it, it's a song about using the potty. Great, a catchy little tune about going poop. Just what I need. A poop song stuck in my head (and yes I did have it in my head for a bit). The video itself is relatively harmless if a bit on the creepy side (at least to me). She's watched it a total of two times. Has it worked? Two shitty diapers later say no it hasn't.