Monday, January 09, 2006

Gerbil’s Favorite Cereal

First I must apologize for my absence from the internet lately. It is not due to popular misconception that I’ve been in a special detox program for internet addiction, but due to circumstances beyond my control, as in things that are stupid and evil.

Enough of that, on to other things in random order.

So today I was sitting here on the sofa and out of the corner of my eye I see a little black rodent come out from under my cedar chest, stand up, look around then scamper back under. That would be MY very own cute little black rodent, Hanta Virus gerbil escape artist. Shit. Now I was going to have to catch my gerbil who was now exploring the great uncharted (by gerbil kind) territory of my living room. This is a place what with all the cereal, popcorn, raisins and other such food-ish items that have fallen in between the sofa cushions or have been hidden under the couches, etc. by the Little People that a gerbil could live for days if not weeks. EXCEPT for the CAT (I would say CATS but Dusty couldn’t catch a rodent if it walked up to her and had a heart attack right on her paws).

Yes the Mouser Extraordinaire who was snoozed right next to me on the couch as I spied the little escapee to my left. I realized I’d have to work quickly if I was going to catch the rodent before Sunshine woke up, so I (stupidly) enlisted the help of the Little People in catching Hanta. I dashed to the kitchen to get some bread to lure her out with and told the Little People to bang on the other end of the chest. This was just a comedy of errors. I had to continue to tell Cabbage Patch to bang on the OTHER end of the chest as she kept banging near where I was, and about the time she moved to the end I wanted banged on, Super Girl moved where she was. *sigh* I sat with a piece of bread on my hand and waited for Hanta to come get the snack. About the time she emerged both Little People saw her and lunged for her, causing her to dart back under the chest.

I took a deep breath and muttered many curse words then told the Little People to NOT move when and if she came out again. And when she did… they lunged again. *sigh* I no longer muttered my curse words and told them to GET AWAY!

I realized that Hanta wasn’t under the chest anymore and was now behind the sofa, so I sat down to consider my options. The little blighter peeked out of the right side of the sofa briefly. Damn her. This caused me to grab the sofa pillow that had fallen on the floor and throw it on the sofa… right on top of the sleeping cats… and to wake Sunshine The Magic Cat, AKA The Great Mouser. I suddenly realized the error of my pillow toss and hoped Hanta had some wild instincts that would tell her to keep under the sofa while deadly feline was AWAKE. That was a very brief hope as my gerbil peeked out again. Sunshine didn’t miss a thing and jumped down to play tag with my rodent, luckily I had anticipated that my gerbil was pretty stupid and that my cat was up for a game of smack the mousy and I managed to snag that cat by the scruff of her neck mid jump. That cat is 5 lbs of lean, toned, mouse killing muscle and I had a bitch of a time keeping a hold of her as I grabbed her lazy sister (no challenge catching her) and locked them both in my bedroom whilst I did my rodent wrangling.

After the aforementioned felines were sealed in my room for my rodent’s protection I resumed trying to find my gerbil. I knew she was at the other end of the couch now and started to look there.

Oh wait... I must back up for a moment. Prior to waking the cat I asked the Little People to go get a flash light since I didn’t know where they put the ones they were playing with recently. They both get up and go into my bedroom with Super Girl saying she knows where one is. A few minutes go by and I yell for them to HURRY UP and they say they are still looking. I finally go check out what the hell they are doing just in time to see them reach into my night stand drawer and pull something out that is buzzing. Yes, Super Girl was holding BOB and not just any BOB but BIG BOB who is purple! I yell at her to put that back and she looks at me with horror and confusion and asks “How do you make it stop?” *sigh* I told her to push the damn button and put it back. Now why does that always happen when someone is looking for a FLASHLIGHT?

Anyway, the gerbil finally came out from under the right side of the couch and went under the stool, where I cornered her… or so I thought, then under my computer... then around the corner into the kitchen and between the dishwasher. All thanks to two kids who don’t know the meaning of STAND STILL! Every time they saw Hanta they would squeal and lunge for her. I don’t blame her for running, my gerbils will come to my hands but they are leery of the offspring, but rightfully so – just last week Cabbage Patch DROPPED Hanta on the floor AND while I was cleaning out the cage she kept poking at Hanta until she finally got bitten on the finger. So yeah, if I was Hanta, there’s no way I’d trusts the Tiny Terrorist either.

Now Hanta had dashed in a small rodent sized opening next to the dishwasher and I had to get her out before my cats became EVIL and VENGEFUL and voluntarily hacked up something disgusting on my pillows. I went to the pantry for my secret weapon, Hanta’s favorite food – Kix cereal. The Little People were banished from the kitchen as I crouched on the floor with 4 pieces of cereal in my hand and shook the box. As if trained by Pavlov himself, my gerbil came right out. Mission accomplished, one sneaky little gerbil back in her cage. Upon inspection of the rodent penal colony I realized that I had left a part of the tubing open from when I cleaned the cage. DOH!