Friday, December 31, 2004

I'm An Animal

I just took this test (what's your inner animal) on Tickle.

Judy, you're a Tiger in the wild world of love.

Grrrr. Go get 'em, Tiger! You know what you want and how to get it. And with your powerful stealth and impressive attitude — who are we to tell you otherwise? You're a natural predator in the lush jungle of love. With plenty of poise, power, and perfect timing, you'll charm the pants off any target you set your sights on. You've got beauty and grace that's irresistible to most who cross your path. Your territory is so well marked, it's not surprising that you sometimes can be a bit of a loner instead of hanging with the pack.

Sophisticated and discriminating, you set your standards high when out hunting for love. Trendy new hot spots are probably your typical habitat — though any place you can find sleek, beautiful mates is good in your book. Your confidence and charm will certainly get your partner purring. And whether it's your bold patterns or the stealthy way you pounce, there's just something people can't resist about you.

heh... funny, no wonder I like meat so much. ;o)

Thursday, December 30, 2004

What The Hell Is Wrong With Me???
Don't answer that, don't make me bitch slap you!

Sheesh, I've been so side tracked this morning I just realized I haven't had a cup of coffee yet! *wanders off to make a delightful cup*

*45 minutes later*
I think I'm ready for my second cup now. It's a crazy morning. I think Super Girl senses that her winter break is nearing the end so it's necessary to be as crazy as possible.

Fuck, this has taken me over 2 hours to write this much... Will have to try again later.
what's this?

Why it's Spider Man! At least that's what Cabbage Patch swears. Who am I to argue with her artistic interpretations?

My cats are being tolerant of me. My camera batteries are fully charges - all ready for the New Years Eve party.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Handfull of Rodents

My rodents are cohabitating now. It happened last Friday. It had to happen as Hanta had chewed an escape hole in her tiny cage. Well let me start from the beginning to tell the whole all to damn cute and sickeningly sweet story. I got up about 9:30 am or so as K was off work and he said I could sleep in and he'd keep the Tiny Terrorists busy while I slept. An offer to sleep in is RARE so I took him up on it and directed Chaos and Destruction upstairs to wake him when they burst into my room at 7:30 am.

When I finally awoke to a oddly quiet home, I found my newest gerbil in the gerbil ball on the living room floor. I instantly started making plans on how to inflict unbelievable suffering on K if he had left my gerbil in the ball and he'd left to meet with his friends. I got Hanta out of the ball and put her in her cage. After putting the gerbil ball away I turned to discover Hanta's head peeking out of the cage. Oh! My mental list of suffering was put on hold as I pondered what to do next. Hanta was now standing on her cage sniffing Bea's cage. I decided it was time to see if the gerbils would get along. I highly anticipated another gerbil death match and didn't get my camera but did prepare to separate tiny rodents. I opened Bea's cage and Hanta imediately walked in, Bea met her and to my surprise she licked her instead of tried to tear her little head off. Since that moment there has been much cute gerbil love and gerbil cuddling. Bea follows Hanta around a lot and they snuggle together in the nest. It's very cute.

Oh and I didn't get to finish my list of mysery for K as he walked the door just a few moments after I had shut the cage of gerbil love. When he discovered Hanta's escape hatch he had hightailed it to Petsmart to get a new cage and some connecting tubing as he thought the gerbils weren't prepared for cohabitation yet. Alls well that ends well.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Pity Party

Warning, you are about to enter my pity party, guaranteed to be absolutly selfserving and self centered.

Have you ever felt desperately alone? Do you remember what it was like to feel like you weren't part of any group in high school? Feel like maybe the only reason you were invited along was out of pity? Yeah that's where I'm at right now. I'm feeling acutely isolated. I really hate that.

I feel like some people who were very close to me are pulling away, wanting me to disapear from their lives. Just not calling when they said they would, not talking to me much anymore... I guess I'm easy to forget or annoying enough to want to forget.

I'm trying to make more friends, but even there I'm not sure I'm doing so well. I don't really think certain people really like me all that much. I think I try to hard and come off as desperate - I think that's probably true in all areas of my life. I had friends I would talk to all the time, every day and late into the night. Now I'm lucky if they answer me when I message them. Maybe I should just stop trying. Just give everyone what they want and leave them the hell alone.

I'm not sure why I'm going through this right now. I haven't felt this way since high school and now this is so foreign yet so familiar. Part of me says "fuck it, i'll go be a hermit. If people want me they'll let me know, just give up." the other part of me wholeheartedly disagrees and says to keep trying, but I'm not sure I'm up for more rejection. I don't know why I feel so alone and friendless, I think I'm a nice enough person, I bathe regularly, I don't think I'm frightening looking, I don't know, maybe I'm just not good enough.

That's my bigest fear in life, that I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm just not good enough to be anyone's friend, not good enough to be part of anything, my efforts just aren't good enough, my work is never good enough. I think that's it, I'm just not good enough. Alright then, I suppose I should start looking for a place to live out my life as a hermit and develop a love for owning multiple cats or dogs or something. Isolation is probably better than rejection.

No worries, I'm just really, really sad and lonely right now. I'll be fine tomorrow and I'll write some of my normal stupid things to entertain all 3 of you who read this blog.
Time To Prepare

Now that the December holidays are done, it's time to prepare for the most important day of the year. No not New Year day silly. Elvis' Birthday! Elvis Day!!!

January 8th marks the incredible day. Elvis Day! I do my damnedest to celebrate every year. I feel it is my duty as a white trash Southerner to make sure that my progeny learn about the great one, Elvis. So we celebrate Elvis Day. What other holiday involves eating as much fried food as one can humanly consume.... (hmmmm... wait... that's kind of like Hannukah... maybe... Elvis... was... a... JEW!! heh {actually some accounts of his druged out and paranoid end days include him converting to the Jewish faith}) Anyway, fried foods, sequined jumpsuits and Elvis movies! I'm petitioning for Elvis Day to become a national holiday. Why not? Elvis is as american as Velveeta cheese and monster trucks. There really needs to be a national holiday just for trailer trash redneck people. I urge you to join me in my celebration of ELVIS DAY - pull out your sequined jumpsuit and swing by KFC on your way home for that big bucket of extra cripsy (don't forget your sides of biscuits, taters and extra gravy!), head over to Blockbuster to rent your favorite Elvis Movies. Elvis Day is a day for family so everyone pile up on the couch to eat KFC, drink beer and watch as many movies as you can. *note: popping pills, shoting the TV and having heart attack on the toilet are not recommended optional activities - although they would add to the authenticity of the evening*

Mark your calendars! Elvis Day is 11 days away!

2004 Holiday Letter

Happy Holidays! As usual for the past few years I've been to freaking lame to mail out Chanukah/Christmas cards and tuck in a cute little holiday letter informing peeps of my year (hell just the delima of trying to decide which holiday to represent with the cards is enough to make me need a drink, best to just say to hell with it all and save the postage). Again as usual I'm doing it here on the blog. (I'm not sure I did do it last year, maybe... I know I did it at least one year). So here it is. Just pretend you got it in the mail.

Dear Friends and Family and Internet;

Wow what a year it has been! A Good year! Husband is still gay. Kids are good. Life is good. AND I met the most amazing man in the world and fell madly in love with him. Yup, that's the best part. After 2 years of seeing the same guy (Home Depot), we broke up abruptly at the begining of January. Thanks to D I met XXX a few weeks later and was instantly smitten. Really I was, the moment I saw him - despite me telling myself to get a GRIP, shit like this only happens in movies and romance novels, I still was floating. I dumped all other guys I was dating after that. He really is amazing, I just think about him and smile. He's smart, he's funny and he's incredibly sexy. And I feel incredibly lucky to have him as my boyfriend.

What else? I mean what else could there be other than an amazing man in my life, fabulous sex (with a live person, not just electronic pleasure devices) and intelectual stimulation? Oh yeah, the Little People.

Super Girl started kindergarten. I was aprehensive at first, me being the overprotective mother that I am worried that she would not do well and would not like school (actually it was my own anxieties from my own horrific kindergarten experience). The first day we took her to school and she just about gave us the bums rush out of the school. So much for her not adjusting. Cabbage Patch however wailed the moment we turned to go. She wanted to stay with Super Girl. *sigh* Back home she continued to ask when Super Girl would be home, which just broke my heart. 3:30 pm couldn't come soon enough for either of us. It took 30 minutes waiting in the pick up line to get Super Girl. That alone made me certain that I wanted her riding the bus. The next day was the First Day On The Bus. Again I needed to take calming deep breaths to deal with that, but despite my paranoid fears NOTHING happened and at 3:40 pm she exited the bus beaming from ear to ear. Eventually I realized that school is a fabulous thing. For half of the day I have one less child to make a mess! One less mess maker! AND she is LEARNING! Woohoo! So that's where my tax dollars are going. I think back to the moments of insanity as a new mother when Super Girl was just a baby and how I swore I would home school her. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What was I thinking???? I am so not cut out for that crap. Anyway, she loves school and continues to shock me with how much she's learned.

Cabbage Patch is totally loving not having her sister home most of the day now. She talks non stop these days, and since her sister, who also talks non stop, but much louder, is gone half of the day, I can actually hear that what she is saying (although much of it is still in that alien toddler language so I don't always understand what she's saying). Her newest BIG words that come out so clear are IRRITATING as in "Super Girl stop that." "Why?" "Because it's irritating." and DISGUSTING as in "Get your finger out of your nose, that's disgusting." I'm glad she listens to me sometimes.

We've had some funny moments with the Little People. Like when Super Girl brushed her teeth with Personal Lubricant. heh or Cabbage Patch winning Jenga by putting all the blocks in the milk jug. They've covered them selves in baby powder prompting me to think of the Cingular commercial with the "Flour the children" line. There was the missing fish (that mystery was NEVER solved) and the tragic mass suicide of the entire tank of fish. My brunch with my former high school nemisis (who is no longer a nemisis so I really need to find something else to call her). Super Girl getting sick in the middle of the night and throwing up in her sisters bed (that's funny because I didn't have to clean that one up). I made a most fabulous costume for my sister for her first year on Scarby Cast and I had a fun time attending Scarby when I could. We had a fabulous Seder with lots of Kosher wine (and weird pictures). My cat took a week long vacation from us, but for some insane reason she CAME back. Crazy feline. Saw Jesus in my 'hood driving around in his pimped out silver Cadilac Escalade. In one fabulous evening with XXX I managed to set my hair on fire (setting out the candles for the romantic mood - he never knew about that), impress him with my fine choice of wines by asking him to open it and having it discoverd that the wine was a screw top and finally in an attempt to impress him with a lovely breakfast having smoke pouring out of the oven (one should really check the oven before turning on the broiler). Amazingly he didn't laugh and he's still my hot and sexy boyfriend. Angry Albino Sock Monkey was created! My EVIL creation LIVES! (still for sale, ya want one, you know you do - give me money and I'll give you monkey) I got my braces off (YAY!). I have had several fabulous visits to XXX and hopefully 2005 holds several more fabulous visits. Since I'm a chicken shit and usually travel via Greyhound I've been fortunate enough to meet several freaks on the bus - I figured out early that it's best to find your freak as opposed to having a freak find you. It works out well and makes for an intesting ride most times (last time with the drunk who was hitting on me was more irritating and less interesting). I had the absolute worst 'garden' this year, maybe 2005 will be the year of plastic plants for me. I got a lovely case of poison ivy - on my face! Got coffee makers for my birthday. Blessed are those who feed my addiction. Koko the gorilla (my birthday twin) was a bitch and stood me up for our usual birthday drink - bitch. The wee ones visited Grandma and GiGi for a week and came back convinced I had somehow shrunk our cats (their cats are huge, my cats are the compact verson) - it took 3 weeks to convince them that I did NOT shrink out cats. The higher powers sent a gerbil to us, which I dubbed Bubonic Plauge, Bea for short. I lost my drivers license at the end of August only to have the grocery store (who I had called three times in the week after I lost it) call me in October to tell me they had it. I cooked a meal for 35 people (a reception dinner) and it was FABULOUS. I pondered why my cats couldn't speak, then realized I'd be driven crazy by them if they could. I had the great hair disaster where I accidentally colored my hair a deep plum color - it looked shitty. Partied with The Queen on his birthday. Drank to much and flashed the party. I've managed to read two books this year - TWO whole books! Wooohoo! My celing fan in my living room was finally fixed! It only took 4 or 5 months. I did some illustrations and went to the GAYEST Halloween party ever! (It was a gay/lesbian parents group party) Had an impromptu party at our place (and it ROCKED!) - go check out the photos back in October to see my and Petey's progression to drunkeness. Thanksgiving was busy - cooked too much and ate too much. December brought Hannukah and the Little People LOVED that. Christmas followed - again the Little People LOVED all the pressies. In between all that I got a mother of a ticket (which I have to head to the court house tomorrow to arrange to take care of it). I've been cranky most of this month - lack of XXX does that to me, but now I'm looking forward to January (gonna visit my hot sexy man soon!) and 2005. I'm pretty damn sure it will be better than 2004.