Friday, April 15, 2005

Another Happy Marine Life Story!

Read about Aurora the octopus and her surprise babies! The end of the story is kind of sad, but I will keep hopeing that mamma Aurora does well! Gosh I got all teary reading this! I'm such a sap!
Party! Party! Party!

After much persuasion, I'm heading off to a party tonight. I was hesitant at first, but a charming gentleman told me how very much he was looking forward to my company and how could I say no! The hostess assured me there would be some adorable men (possibly some mansicles!) there would love to meet me, because after all I am 'The Hot Chick' (just ask the tailor guy who kept calling me that last weekend!). Now I just have to find the perfect outfit! Off to try on everything in my closet at least twice! ;o)
Why No Photo????

This story about the new baby Wholphin is so freaking cool! I just wish they had posted photos of it. I wonder what one would name a baby whale-dolphin?
Dirty Laundry

It’s odd to see a conversation you once had happen again almost verbatim to the one you had. I guess if it worked for him once, he figured it would work again. Maybe a different book, but the same subject of oral sex, but hey, what guy doesn’t love a blow job – just ask Clinton!

Anyway, some days I think I like to torture myself. I saw the ex’s woman’s online journal. Oddly enough after reading it I don’t feel angry or upset, I feel a deep sense of pity for her. Seriously. I guess in some ways I’m glad I read it, I had an epiphany of sorts about the demise of the relationship – I’m better off alone than with someone who felt it necessary to hide his relationship with me. I in no way harbor any ill will towards M on this, I understand that this is just his nature and one woman will never be enough for him. He’s told me before and the last time we spoke of how he can never love anyone, not even himself – and I do believe him now. Anyway apparently they feel as though I have aired the dirty laundry of mine and M’s misfortunate breakup. Honestly I have not done that at all, I’ve spoken to very few people about this, the nature of me finding out about his infidelity in such a public forum lead to MANY people knowing about our relationship that M was keeping a secret. M had the opportunity to be truthful with me in a private forum, hell the weekend of February 25 when I was in San Antonio with him for the weekend, he could have told me I wasn’t the only one, but instead we made love 5 or 6 times a night, went to the movies, had a wonderful dinner out, cooked dinner in, cuddled on the sofa watching movies, snuggled in bed watching television between love making, had fabulous breakfasts and more love making. Never did he tell me that there was some one else (and I had confronted him on that earlier and he lied and said no), he did however tell me how much he loved our weekends together, how very special they were and how special I was to him and how much he didn’t want our special weekends to change. I bought it; it’s what I wanted to hear. Yes I am airing dirty laundry now, it’s a mostly private forum though, not many people read this – this really is just for my own benefit, but this is it, I’m not going to talk or write about it anymore. It’s over. I’m moving on. I’m not looking to badmouth M or anyone else, I have no anger for M though I’m still deeply hurt by his actions and that he didn’t respect me or care enough about me and my feelings to avoid the public humiliation I endured. Really M, if you had talked to me prior to the Excal fiasco, no one would ever know of our relationship, I would suffer in silence and L would not know either. And there was never a reason to lie, I am a strong woman, I can take just about anything. You really could have had it all, I really didn’t care if you saw other women, I cared about honesty. After a year in a relationship – yes a relationship, hell I have your freaking apartment key – in which you continually told me that you wanted me in your life every time I asked you if you wanted to end things with me, I did expect you to be honest. I trusted you to be honest. You let me down and betrayed that honesty. I don’t hate you for it; I understand that’s your nature – maybe the nature of all men to lie for sex. Ya know what they say ‘A tiger can’t change his stripes’, neither can a man. L, I feel for you, I wish you didn’t know any of this, I wish you were still blissfully unaware of any of M’s indiscretions, living with constant mistrust of one’s mate is never easy and it never, ever goes away. If you feel that you have to be with him all the time because he’s easily ‘seduced’ then you are just admitting that you don’t trust him. That’s the type of thing that will keep you up at night wondering, being miles away from him, just wondering. I’ve been through it, I tried hard to trust again and it never ever happened, I always wondered if he was lieing, if every time he was out with someone if he was actually out doing something he shouldn’t be doing – 4 years of counseling later I said enough. It was empowering.

Anyway that’s it, no nastyness really, just my embarrassment and hurt. I have no hate or anger towards M and definitely not L. I’m still hurt, still hurts to see them together, not because I want him back, just that it’s a reminder of how betrayed I was and that makes me feel foolish. I loved him, my foolishness, but I’m moving on and ya know, it feels good.

And that’s it. Dear friends don’t go speak to L on my account, she deserves her peace. And as far as the people who still come up and say “Oh you were with G? Oh gosh, I wish I had know, I would have told you about him. That’s just the way he is though. I’m so sorry.” Okay, enough. I don’t really want to talk about the 13 months of what I thought was something special and be told how very much it wasn’t to him. I really, really just want to be able to look back at all the time we spent talking every day, all the long phone calls and all the time we spent holding each other and our time together as something that WAS special. I really did enjoy being with him and talking to him. So please, don’t ruin things for me. I don’t want to know anymore about his past, his behavior over the past year or anything else. Part of it makes me desperately nervous and anxious and the rest just hurts and makes me feel foolish for trusting him. Please don’t trash him to me, I’m not interested in being part of that. Let’s just not talk about it. I wish only happiness and peace for both M and L and mostly for myself. It’s over, it’s done, time to move on.

Thursday, April 14, 2005


Cabbage Patch holding a boiled egg and pointing to the yoke. I say 'It's a yoke. Yoke." She says "It's not yuck!" I say, "No... it's called a YOKE." Her, "No it's all clean."


me: You need to comb your hair.
her: I already did. *obviously she hadn't*
me: Liar, liar, pants on fire.
her: No der not! Der just clean!
Hibachi Fun

The absolutly beautiful weather yesterday convinced us that cooking out would be a fabulous idea. We took the plunge and splurged $5 on a 'high end' hibachi last night. Our intent was to have a lovely picnic dinner out front.

While I prepared the pasta salad and other things, K sat outside and assembled the 'some assembly required' hibachi. An hour later the 'high end' hibachi was now ready to have the coals lit. Everyone was hungry. Thank heavens we had planned hot dogs for dinner!

Dinner was an hour and a half late and eaten inside while watching a movie. But it was good. (we threw some chicken on the grill since the coals were still hot - tonight's dinner!)

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Things To Make

Super Girl brought home modeling clay. Now the little people are playing with it - under my watchful eye (don't want to be cleaning that crap out of the carpet!)

Super Girl came up and showed me her creation "Look mamma! A snow man!" Cabbage Patch came up with a wad of clay in her hand and said "Look mamma! A cannon ball!" hehehehehe...
Party In The Parking Lot
Lerxst & Sable Know How To Party!

The first day of Scarby was really great. I hung around quite a bit with Denise, Sable & Lerxst. I ended the day with quite a buzz. Huzzah for strange alchoholic concoctions poured in my cup! Despite a few uncomfortable sightings of the ex with his whatever, I had a grand time. I appreciate him choosing NOT to party in the parking lot near me even though they were at one point parked near us - I can only wish for as much courtesy the rest of faire (it's to damn much to hope for them to not come back, damn it!). It was a wise choice as I chose to get rather drunk after seeing them and when I'm drunk I tend to blurt out truthful things that are better left unsaid.

Lerxst was the man when it came to providing me with the materials to get drunk. I chose not to partake in the screwdrivers Sable favored and Lerxst filled my cup with a Nutty Irishman. Huzzah! I suppose that's the best man I could ask for that night. The party was a bit of a blur after most of that and on to the other, but I do remember having a shit load of a grand time. Eventually my booze was cut off and I was told to get in the vehicle that it was time to go home. Hugs and kisses for everyone and staggered to the car.

Now for the fun part! The drive home! Lerxst driving is much less scary after an evening of drink. The conversation was quite funny (to me that is) and I ended my sentences with "Shit I'm drunk, I really need to shut the fuck up!" or "Fuck I'm drunk, you have to excuse me if I'm offensive." I don't think anyone needed a reminder of my drunken state and yes I did need to shut up. I do remember the ride being bumpy but as I said, it was less perilous at this point. At the point of dropping off Denise I had to use the potty. Denise was staying at a friends house and the house is rather old. I must have stood in the dark bathroom for 5 minutes with my bladder about to burst before I finally had to ask Denise where the light switch was.

Somewhere along the drive back to Lerxst place I started to sober up and we started discussing garb. I sobered up eventually and drove myself home from Lerxst - I was home by midnight.
Out From Under Rocks

Very weird, suddenly several men from my past have resurfaced in the past few weeks. Some I haven't spoke to in YEARS. K says it must be pheremones, I'm giving off pheremones. I say maybe my karma is balancing out to give me a much needed ego boost after my devastating relationship disaster. It is nice to be wanted. ;o)

On To Other Things...

Vote for Sable!

I slept so damn good last night, probably the best nights sleep in the past 5 weeks.

My dearest friend A just suffered a heart wrenching breakup - so naturaly she called me as I've recently been dealt the same blow. I repeated all the things that people have told me and hope they make her feel better than I did. I assure you A, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes it will be that train, other times it's bright glorious sunshine, just keep going.

Speaking of sunshine, that makes me thinkg of my SUN BURNED shoulders, they suddenly this morning decided to no longer be bright red. I really need to find my Bullfrog.

Why does my house get so freaking dirty in mere minutes when I spend hours cleaning?? I know, I know, has much to do with Chaos and Destruction. retorical question ya know.

Well my coffee is done, best CLEAN and do my mountain of laundry so I can get on track with my sewing. I'll be back to write more about my Scarby Weekend! The After Party and ride home up next! Yes, yes! More perilous tales involving Lerxst driving.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Coffee and Terror
The Morning of Living Dangerously

A sure fire combo to wake one up! Ya know it's almost a shame to post after putting up all the cool photos. So I'll make it brief - instead of putting up one long post about what a fabulous weekend I had, I'll just post something interesting every so often. Today will be the perilous tale of coffee in the back of Lerxst vehicle. *cue dramatic music*

So the arangement was for me to ride with Lerxst and Sable to Scarby. I woke at a godforesaken time of 5 am (to finish some shit) and arrived at Lerxst's at 7:30 am. We left about 8 am and headed to pick up Denise. After getting Denise, those in the front of the vehicle decided to stop in a drive through to grab a quick breakfast. As I had already eaten I only requested a large coffee with sugar and cream - ya see, I discovered at 5 am that fine morning that I was completly out of sweetner for my coffee. I can drink it minus cream but not without sweetner, so this would be my FIRST cup of the day. The last item handed back in the vehicle was the big cup of scalding hot coffee. A moment of clairity came and went quickly for me. After getting said coffee I thought "I need to ask Lerxst to park for just a moment while I get my coffee ready." and as I said it just went out my fucking head as I didn't say a damn thing. Now let me pause from this tale for a moment to make a note regarding Lerxst driving. It's fast and somewhat scary. Yes scary, not hugly scary (if you are riding in the back and can't really see much) but scary - somewhere between bed-wetting and a near death experience. At one point the man was steering with his knee, speeding down 75 as he shaved his pretty little face with an electric razor. But I digress, back to me and my coffee.

Here I sit with a LARGE cup of HOT coffee and a handfull of sugar and creamer. My delima was how to get sugar and creamer into the cup without getting the contents of the cup on me. This seems simple, but it wasn't. My first few attempts resulted in hot coffee being sloshed on my hands and me not being able to get the sugar open. My next idea was to put the coffee between my legs and open the cup. Big mistake. Hot coffee between the legs is not very refreshing. Not a bit. So the next was to try to pour the sugar through the little drinking opening on the lid. Still, I was getting copious amounts of coffee on me and spilling sugar on my lap. Finally I stuck my cup back in the cardboard holder thingie sitting on the floor and poured as much sugar and cream in as I could. Then attempted to stir. When I mentioned later that I had lost one stirer in the coffee from all the jostling around, Denise and Sable laughed and ask why I even needed to stir with Lerxst driving. How true. We got to faire and I finished my cup of coffee and sucked the rest out of my chemise. It was just the start of a fabulous day.

I learn my lesson, no hot beverages when Lerxst is driving.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Photos From Scarby
Three Wenches

Me, Denise and Sable - Selina took this picture, I love it - we were laughing and having so much fun right before Selina told us all to smile and snapped the picture.

Four Redheads

I'm Even Hot To A Dead Guy!

Dead Bob is my new man, hell he's always got a bone for me.

It's Good To Be The Captain!

John has no problems with most of his crew being ladies. ;o)

The Hottie In Blue

And his lovely lady. Good lord, is it even legal for a man this hot to be walking around??? I don't know but I'm thankful for that sight... and I continue to be thankful for as long as my industrial size box of batteries lasts.

I have more photos in my Yahoo album. I didn't take many photos, I forgot my card for my camera for the first day - what a dork am I! I'll write about what fun I had and the guy who kept calling me 'The Hot Chic' all day (crazy guy with bad vision), the after party, the trip to the gay bar for the Suck Fest and much much more. It rocked so much!
The Dreaded Pirate Judy


I love this picture, Amber took it at the end of the day. Boy can Koolagh lace a bodice!

What a great day, what wonderful friends I have.