Friday, April 29, 2005

How To Scare The Crap Out Of Me

Be RIGHT outside my door on your knees fixing the trim around the door when I open my door. I will jump back and say "*Jesus! You scared me." Where as the imigrant looking maintaince person will smile a little embarassedly and mutter a heavily accented "Sorry".

First you guys spray water in my window, now you lurk outside my door and scare me. (Damn good thing I wasn't doing something deviant and perverse like making a porn video, my blinds are open enough to see in.) Damn ya'll I swear I'm going to find that number to imigration.

*I was totally guessing as to what his name was, it could be Juan or Jose, I didn't ask.
My Trip To The PoPo

Being as it is the last business day of the month, it's my appointed day to go to the court house and throw myself at the mercy of the court... i.e. throw them some cash to keep me out of jail. I'm happy to report that I did not in fact have to suffer any extraordinary police brutality this time, no Preparation-H or LA PD style beatings, I did however have to give them MOST of my hard earned cash. But damn, now I'm a free woman. No more threat of jail, my ticket is PAID! Woohoo! time for a party... well maybe next week or so since I'm all broke and shit.
Dachshund Doodles

And now for your viewing pleasure it's time for STICK ART!

Today's art is a special request from the lovely Mystic.

If you'd like to submit an idea for STICK ART, please feel free to do so. So go ahead, you know you wanna do it... It'll make you popular. ;o)
Lady Bug, Lady Bug, Fly Away Home...

The Little People and I made a delightful discovery this morning, the field near our home is full of lady bugs! Cabbage Patch and I carried home the one pictured above (for the picture of course).

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Nauseatingly Cute

My gerbils, Hanta and Bea. Awwwww!
Vacuum Blockage

To answer the question of 'What was blocking the vacuum?' there is your answer. An unidentifiable mass. And just to further satisfy you that is in fact 'An Unidentifiable Mass', I have swept it into a corner in the kitchen and will leave it there for you to examine (and clean up). Some questions are best left un-asked.

As for the burning rubber smell... well I am out of popcorn damn it - so I took Sable's suggestion of burning candles. I have all my voodoo candles burning right now. I somehow think she meant SENTED candles (which I don't own) not voodoo candles (which I have a whole shelf full of) though... it still smells like burnt rubber... but maybe it will improve my mojo. ;o)

Yes I know I frighten people, it's part of my charm. Gotta go stick some more pins in a voodoo doll now... er.. I mean make a kilt!
So Sorry I Forgot To Tell You!

But it was 2 am when I got home and after you went and got important and essential food items like bread and Blue Bell Chocolate Ice Cream, it toally went out of my head about the SWAT team or the burned clothes (hmmm.. still gotta give her props for that) or that I got a Pixie Stick or that Rigor snorted his Pixie Stick (yes he did, no I am not kidding). I promise that next time I will give you a full and complete detailed account of my karaoke adventures so you don't have to find out in such an impersonal way by reading this blog - even if it means waking you up from a nice peaceful slumber to regale you with tales of my dipshit activities and thoes of my cool friends.

Please forgive my oversight. ;o)
Things I LOVE (sarcasim)

Haveing a constipated vacuum cleaner that won't suck.
Taking apart my vacuum cleaner to remove the unidentifiable and disgusting blockage.
Having to clean up the mess from said disgusting blockage.
With my hands - ick.
Turning on vacuum to clean floor and then smelling the lovely smell of burnt rubber as the belt is broken.
Discovering the belt was broken because the sweeping bar thingie was put in wrong (by me)and it wouldn't move. Damn it.
Taking apart the vacuum again to replace the belt (with the last spare).
Vacuuming the floor and having the whole room smell like burn rubber. Yay.
Considering burning popcorn in the microwave just to get rid of the burn rubber smell.

At least the floor is vacuumed.
And I Thought I Was Offensive!

Check out The Pope's Blog. It's sure to offend in some way. Although, I'd really like that Pope Pez dispenser. I'd put it next to my other Christian Pez dispenser - Santa Pez.
Random Crap

Super Girl got her mid-nine week progress report yeterday and I am pleased to say she got a 4 (which is Highly Developed - working above level) in Reading and got 3's in everything else (which is good, it means she's right on track). The only area of concern is in conduct that she basically is hard headed. *sigh* It's the same note every grading period.

On the way to karaoke I passed a house getting raided by the SWAT team, then in the parking lot of the bar, there were two police cars and officers talking to a man who's girlfriend had slashed all his tires and thrown his clothes in a pile in the parking lot and set them on fire. hehehehe... You go crazy woman! Gotta give her props for taking initive!

Karaoke was so much fucking fun! I learned WAY too much about someone's pubes and coloring practices. Did something bizarre and obscene with someone's clip on hair. Sang Rainbow Connection (badly, very badly) with my crew. Posed for stupid pictures with Shaz being taken by people with camera phones - and one for someone who DOESN'T have a camera phone just wanted us to do that again. Had a bathroom discussion with Shaz and Jodie about small penises and how Shaz once asked a guy "What happened?" when she saw his itty bitty dick, where as I have never fronted on a guy with a small dick, Jodie did not say whether she had or had not done such a thing. I wore a fabulous hat and left at 1 am! And I didn't even drink that night, just being with my friends is ENOUGH!

This morning Super Girl melted my heart. She was standing in line to get on the bus with a handful of buttercups when she suddenly ran back to me and thrust them all in my hand saying 'these are for you'. Then she ran back in line, blew me a kis and got on the bus.

I have a love/hate relationship with Passover and all it's tasty foods. I love it all, but hate how it affects my big ass - as in making it BIGGER. Damn. I have so many left overs and they all taste so damn good it's hard to not gain weight after the Passover. Passover Pounds suck.

I've watched Muppet Treasure Island two more times since my last post concerning the movie. Arrrrggh! I got cabin fever!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I Shouldn't Laugh

Super Girl: You've got a bug on you.
*smacks sister on head*
Super Girl: There, it's gone.

That was just running through my living room terrorizing my youngest of offspring. The piercing screams only succeded in making that little bastard run faster and thus making it harder to photograph. I must admit that although I maintained my SUPER MOM, afraid of nothing exterior, inside I was screaming like a little girl as well. I used all my inner strength to stifel the urge to grab my offspring and flee the domicile never to return (or at least wait until K got home and could go in to secure the inside and stomp on anything icky and scary running around). I grabbed a plasic cup and a piece of paper and employed PETA approved trapping methods to trap and release the invading creepy thing into the wild (my plants actually), although when I did release (read: shook the cup vigorously to fling said bug out and not risk it crawling out and TOUCHING me as that would require me to shower again to remove offending bug germs) I thing I noticed that the trapping of the bug had injured it somehow. Hmmm... well my other option was to out right kill it by spraying it with whatever aresol spray was close and available. At anyrate, my home is safe for now.
To Love

To my dear sweet love struck friend - this is for you as well as this. Yes he does look like him. Gawd, I should be a fucking psychic, I told you it would be fine! ;o) Glad I was right. Enjoy every magical moment! Someone once told me that, and I'm glad I did. And one more thing.
Pirate Practice

My sister gifted my offspring with THE GREATEST PIRATE MOVIE EVER yesterday. As of this moment, I have watched this movie 5 times. MUPPET TREASURE ISLAND Rocks!!!

It's kind of odd, the Muppets have had a sudden surge of popularity in my home. I honestly never thought my kids would like the Muppets all that much. Other shows from my childhood that I had hoped my wee ones would love have been met with indifference to outright disdane. A few have made the cut with them (Scooby Doo) but leave me with the urge to shove red hot spoons in my eyes to end the suffering. This of course makes me nostalgic for the old Muppet Show.

Anyway... I've had 'Cabin Fever!' running through my head all morning! And now so you will also... the lyrics!

Cabin Fever

I got cabin fever
it's burning in my brain
I've got cabin fever
it's driving me insane
We got cabin fever
we're flipping our bandanas
Been stuck at sea so long that
we have simply gone bananas

Chica, chica, boom
Chica, chica, boom, boom, chic
Chica, chica, boom
Chica, chica, boom, boom, chic

We, we, we got cabin fever
we've lost what sense we had
We got cabin fever
we're all going mad

Grab your partner by the ears
Lash him to the wheel
Do-si-do step on his toe
Listen to him squeal
Allemande left, allemande right
It's time to sail or sink
Swing your partner over the side
Drop him in the drink

We got cabin fever
No ifs, ands or buts
We're disoriented
And demented
And a little nuts

Ach du liebe Volkswagen car
Sauerbraten wiener schnitzel
Und wunder bar

We were sailing
sailing the wind was on our side
And then it died

I've got cabin fever
I think I've lost my grip
I'd like to get my hands on
Whoever wrote this script!

I was floating 'neath a tropic moon
And dreaming of a blue lagoon
Now I'm crazy as a loon

Cabin fever has ravaged all aboard
This once proud vessel
has become a floating psycho ward
We were sailing, sailing
headed who knows where
And now though we're all here
We're not all there

Cabin fever!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Stick Art!!!

As requested by the lovely Contessa herself.

Two photos of me from last year. I've lost 30 lbs from this time last year.
Another Picture!

Emerald Dragon Crew
Aren't we the coolest looking pirates??? Okay I don't look very piratey, but I'm working on it!
One Photo So Far!

Thanks to the lovely Crystal, I now have ONE photo from this past weekend. And it's a damn good photo! Huzzah to Crystal!
Scarby Photos?

Where, oh where are my scarby photos??? Not on my camera it would seem, because although I DID bring my camera on Sunday, I however forgot to put the damn memory card in. Doh!

As it was I didn't get to faire until 3 pm on Sunday. Although I got off work promptly at noon I didn't leave home until nearly 2 pm as I was having stomach issues. I absolutly hate getting sick enough to be throwing up, it takes me forever to recover. After an extra dose of stomach medicine I felt well enough to go.

I thougth for certain that I had gotten to faire too late for Scottish court and had missed our ships introduction to the queen by The Dark Scorpion, but lucky for me I made it just moments before and was able to participate. Unfortunately NO one has posted photos of me and my shipmates soooooooo I have none to post. Come on people.. it's Tuesday... I saw a lot of cameras flashing!

Later I stopped by Shatzie's booth and I picked up some lovely gold kitty lips. Check out Schatzie's Pucker Pins if you are at faire. Then we headed off to catch the last show of Juan and Miguel in the rain (light shower).

Gotta love my gold pussy lips!

AFTER faire, we headed over to Johny Carino's for dinner. mmmmm the gorgonzola penne was good, could have used more mushrooms and tomatoes, but it was really good.

What a great day! What great friends! *sigh* can't wait for next week!

Off to make a kilt!

Monday, April 25, 2005

Feel The Heat

Some guy just told me I'm hot... not just hot, but that I put all the other women to shame... I'm that hot. hehe Crazy mutha fucker, but I think I like him!
Passover 2005!!
A 99% Jew Free Passover Seder!

(well since it's just me that's a Jew and the kids only count for half... )

Prayers And Candle Lighting

... not stetting my gerbils on fire as it may appear.

Matzo Shark!

Everybody run!

What Glass Of Wine Are We On?


Because after a few bottles of Kosher wine, who isn't?

What The Hell??

I told you he was my bitch!


No - Chai! It's my Passover present from Jodie. (love her!) Now I'm more Jew than you! (which is really no different than it always was really...)

The Passover rocked as usual. Check out all of the photos here. Excuse the quality of the photos, I had my camera set for close up photos and didn't realize it until later when I was taking porno.. I mean cleaning my camera. Petey's wife, The Bear joined us this year. There were many many laughs and as much matzo and kosher wine as one could stand!

Highlights of the evening:
Everyone trying the badass horseradish that Petey had gotten. It was STRONG. I will never ever get another brand.

Cabbage Patch eating her soup but not the Matzah balls and when asked why not eat them, they are good, her saying "No, that's poop!" I blame her father's Christian genetics for my child disrespecting a sacred Jewish staple. But I did laugh for several minutes after that.

Kent being a Matzoh Shark. du-du... du-du...

Leftovers! Damn I could eat Matzah Ball Soup every damn day! (and I will!) The food rocked.