Friday, September 07, 2007

Responsible Pet Owners Will Cringe…

This morning after K left for work, he came back in and said “Get some pants on; you will not believe what someone threw in the dumpster. It’s actually got me angry.” As I slipped into some clothes, I tried to fathom what would piss him off, a plaid sofa? A broken baby crib? A rhinestone Elvis jumpsuit? No, nothing so trivial.

Two live hamsters in their aquarium with no food or water. I was shocked and dismayed to see this as well. How can you leave a tiny little animal out in their little glass box with no water? Especially in Texas? If they even survived that, then there are all the cats, dogs, and raccoons who would love to have them for a meal.

I told K to bring them inside, I’d figure out something. I just wasn’t going to let them die outside. Now I am the foster parent of two really sweet and adorable hamsters. Yes just a foster – I will not keep them. I have two cats and four gerbils, the inn is all full up in the rodent area.

So here is the 411 on the rodents. They are obviously full grown, both male and hand tamed. One is longhaired (I call him Jabba the Hut because he looks like Jabba when he’s eating – it’s cute!) and the other is shorthaired (Jean Luc). They are a bonded pair so they must stay together. These are wonderful pets for someone, very low maintenance and they are extremely friendly. They already have an aquarium (it has a crack in it, it’s not huge though so it doesn’t need replacing) so you wouldn’t have to buy much – a new screen for the top (this one is all jacked up), a water bottle and a bag of food. Take a look at them; they are super adorable and very sweet.

If you’d like the pair and live in the area, contact me.

Bribery Works!

This morning Cabbage Patch informed me repeatedly that she did not want to go to school. I of course informed her that no way in hell would she be staying home. In questioning her as to why she didn’t want to go to school, she said quite bluntly “I don’t want to learn!” hahahahahahaha! To bad! As the morning continued and she continued to whine and complain, I finally offered her a bribe. I said “Hey! If I let you buy lunch at school will that make you happy?” She grudgingly accepted my offer. As I handed over two bucks to each kid, Super Girl asked what day it was and after being told it was Friday she turned to her sister and said “Awww you should have been whiny yesterday morning! Yesterday was pizza day!”

PS She was down right grouchy yesterday morning. The return of The Badger! Luckily, yesterday all it took was The Badger Song to get all things right with the world.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Why Do I Do These Things? Because Some Days I Just Wake Up Stupid!

Yesterday I had a small little glass of MILK (and a cookie!). Today, well I’m not feeling so hot (probably a good thing Bruce Willis is to busy to go out – I’m not the person you want to be near at the moment). I CURSE YOU LACTOSE INTOLERANCE!!

But my lactose issues sparked an odd conversation with K (but really, all conversations with K tend to be odd… or maybe it’s just all conversations with me are odd?). He said how it was terrible that I was a Milkaphobe! He called me racist then and I denied that I was a Dairy Bigot. I resent that accusation! I have NEVER EVER said anything discriminatory about dairy products in general! I’ve had my run ins with specific items but I’ve never held that against the entire dairy production line. It’s not me! It’s THEM. See, I never turned my back on dairy, dairy made the choice to become my enemy. Until we can once again co-exist peacefully, I’ll be stand behind this line drawn in the sand (by dairy! Not me!) Okay, I’ll probably still sneak glasses of milk or slices of cheesecake occasionally and then suffer, but hey! I might spontaneously become UNlactose intolerant!

I am not a Dairy Bigot!

Life's Not Fair!

At least that's what I tell the oldest of the Tiny Terrorists. Here's our list…

It's not fair that we don't have flying cars and moving sidewalks and all that happy crap from The Jetsons!

It's not fair that cookies taste so darn good and are soooo bad for you yet broccoli is good for you and doesn't taste even half as good as a big ol' chocolate chip cookie still warm from the oven (okay Super Girl says Oreo cookies – her father's DNA speaking there).

It's not fair that the cats don't work! They don't do jack squat around here other than eat, sleep and choke up hairballs. (Super Girl just lamented that they can't juggle. I have to second that one, at least if they could dance or sing or juggle they'd be some what entertaining.)

It's not fair that we don't have a robot! Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson! The laundry needs to be washed!

It's not fair that we aren't all cyberneticly enhanced. (Yes I am a GEEK.)

It's not fair that the pets don't clean up after themselves. (or my offspring for that matter!!)

It's not fair that I'm not a billionaire. That is just NOT fair.

It's not fair that my child has to do her homework now that she's wasted enough time by making this list.

…Actually that is fair. ;)

Ahem… moving on now. You might want to let this one roll to voice mail because I am YET again phoning it in! (Actual content soon to come as I've most recently found my photos from TWO, yes that's one more than one – TWO PARTIES I've attended recently. No… wait… THREE! Wow, math isn't my strong suit. Now back to today's programming. Leave a message after the beep. Rinse, lather, repeat. Not for oral or anal use. Don't run with that, you'll put your eye out!

Dude… Am I messed up in the head because I was just scanning an article and when I saw FORESIGHT my mind thought it was FORESKIN and I was all "Woah, wtf? Foreskin? Disney? Do they go together?" And then… I read it again. Heh… such a dork I am!

Oh yeah, one more NOT FAIR! No Bruce Willis for me! That is the WORST NOT FAIR! In a just and right world I would have him all the damn time. *sigh*

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Random Photo Day!

It's my day off, it's raining and I've got a lingering headache (yes I've taken something, thank you for asking... but feel free to bring more Tequilla as I seem to have taken all the 'doses' of that for this thing... kidding! I jest! I do that a lot! There's nary a drop of hard liquor in Casa De Karmacially Challenged. Surprising since the Tiny Terrorists do reside here...) so *RING!* *RING!* Please pick up the white courtesy phone, because I'm phoning it in today!

Part Of My Problem...

I've got MAD COW DISEASE! And K gave it to me! But isn't it just the cutiest little microbe you've ever seen?

See, that's the answer... Me = Mad Cow.

Take a look:

Real Mad Cow (okay maybe not actually MAD but probably a little indignant about having her photo taken).

And of course ME (not that I'm MAD in this photo, just having a jell-o shot). As you can see if not for the flower in my hair, we'd be nearly identical.


My Eggs Are Better Than Yours

How cool is that? Let me answer! WAY COOL! Those are hard boiled eggs pressed into shapes by ever soo cool ice cream sandwich molds. See below:

K got these for my birthday - without even knowing I had been lusting after them for a few months, just so I could make fun shaped boiled eggs in them.

The offspring were not nearly as impressed with the eggs as I am, but who the hell cares? I like them! So who wants to have some boiled eggs? Piggie, cow or star? (I dyed the eggs with some food coloring for dramatic effect)

And by mentioning my ever sooo cool birthday gift, that brings me to another subject (random thought segway - lucky you!).

K's History Of Bad Pressies!

K has a long history of giving me just really not so great pressies. Luckily I'm not a person who has to have lots of presents, so truly I've always appreciated the earnest efforts he's made - and the good laughs many of his presents have given me.

Check out one of the first things K gave me when we first started dating:

I'm not entirely certain WHY he thought a 20 year old woman would LOVE this hideous thing, but he did for some reason. And I've kept it for the past 16 years because it amuses the hell out of me that he would pay money for that - or better yet that when he saw THAT he thought of ME!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?!

Granted, not all of the presents over the year have blown as much as that one, interspersed among the bizarre crap have been some true gems - Mad Cow Disease and my adorable tribble! Other times I've told him EXACTLY what to get for me to ensure it's what I want. But honestly that takes the fun out of it and as the years have passed it's more of an adventure to see what he comes up with by himself. Years of late it's been most interesting as there have been a few gay porn calendars, a pink butt plug and lube (still unused), dice and other gaming supplies, super hero dolls, Barbies (even a lesbian Barbie) and DVD's. Some hits, some misses, some WTF were you thinking? But I digress... I really just wanted to post that photo of that awful gnome. ;) Now doesn't that make you feel better about your day?