Saturday, March 27, 2004

Just Made The Psycho List

What a busy day. I'll write more tomorrow about it. I got back from my cousin's wedding about 10 pm. I had two messages on my voice mail. One from a friend and one from a guy who obviously knew me but I wasn't sure who it was. I called my friend and chatted for almost an hour.

So I call back the guy who left a message. I called right after I hung up with my friend. I thought the number looked familiar and it MIGHT be that idiot who called me a whore. I quickly look to see if I did happen to keep his number, and no I did not. So I dial. It rings, rings, rings, rings... And he answers. I'm shocked. I just hang the fuck up. I pick up the batteries that I dropped when he answered (out of my camera you pervert! Stop thinking it was out of my sex toys!). Then the phone rings (*cue creepy music*). I think "should I just let it roll to voice mail? Should I ignore it? Why the fuck did I just hang up? Am I a moron? Oh fuck, I'm just going to answer so he doesn't think I'm being a pussy." Here is the conversation (as close to verbatim as I can remember).

Me: Hello?
Him: Hey, I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me.
Me: I'm just a little shocked that you called.
Him: I just hadn't heard from you in a while and wanted to see how things were going.
Me: I'm just a little shocked that you called. (*this is the theme of this conversation... Me repeating myself*)
Him: We didn't end it on a good note.
Me: No... I didn't appreciate being called a whore.
Him: We both said some things.
Me: ... I don't remember saying anything like that. I told you I didn't think things would work out.
Him: Well do you NOT want me to call you?
Me (thinking - Well duh, you big fucking moron, why would I want to talk to you?)
Me: I didn't appreciate being called a whore.
Him: Well okay.

What the fuck? Why on earth would a man think that after ending a conversation with the words '...Not with a whore like you!' it would be cool to call a girl again? Especially calling to hook up or whatever? He has now been upgraded to a PSYCHO!!! If there was EVER any wonder as to WHY I date married men, THIS guy is THE answer!

When did I become so freaking unforgettable?

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Area 51
(AKA My Aquarium)

The disappearance of Balder has prompted a high level government investigation. Currently the area has been taped off and only authorized personal are being allowed in (which includes me since I feed the damn fish). The official statement is that there is no statement to be made, that there is no unusual occurrences and there is no unusual disappearance of fish from the area. I’m not sure I believe this but that’s what they keep telling me. The rumors are much more entertaining. These are the theories of what has happened to Balder:

1. There exists a sort of Bermuda Triangle in the tank. This would explain the odd disappearance of not only Balder but also of Ran.

2. Balder was taken by Aliens for strange experiments and will be returned to the tank in a matter of days to years. Upon his return he will have an odd wide eyed expression on his face constantly, will want to wear tin foil on his head, be very skittish and talk of anal probes and tracking devices implanted in his body.

3. It was a mafia hit. K works for a company owned by Italians so I think this one is VERY possible.

4. Heimdall thinks his name is really Loki and he murdered Balder (read up on Norse mythology for that one).

5. The other fish in the tank are organized crime and whacked Balder so now he sleeps with the fishes. HAHAHAHAHAHA! He’s a fish… sleeps with the fishes… heh… it was funny to me.

6. Sunshine (the cat) has developed thumbs that she is keeping hidden under her fur and took the lid off the aquarium, grabbed Balder and put the lid back on.

I’m not sure about any of these, they all seem equally plausible. If you have any theories on the disappearance, please, let me know.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Bermuda Triangle

It's like the fucking Bermuda Triangle over here (in my aquarium)! I'm missing a fucking fish again! Balder is missing! No signs of dead fish, no nothing. Fuck.

Super Girl said "Maybe he go'd back to the sea." She's watched 'Finding Nemo' once too often.


Heimdall is being a fucker also, he keeps nipping bubbles. Maybe he did Balder in... and then ate him!

I knew naming a fish after a Norse God with such a horrible end was a bad idea!!!!
Unconscious Mutterings
Try a little Free association to get you started this Wednesday morning.

These are mine:
  1. Wife:: Me
  2. Criminal:: Relative
  3. Campaign:: Manager
  4. Infection:: Control
  5. Portland:: Oregon
  6. NASCAR:: Races
  7. IMAX:: Theater
  8. Martian:: Marty The
  9. Nike:: Shoes
  10. Trial:: By Fire

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Blast From The Past

Recently I found a photo of myself at 20. This is the first picture I gave K, he used to have it on his desk at work so I had forgotten about it.

I can't even believe that was me.
You are Lawrence Ferlinghetti! Modern rebel and
owner and proprietor of the City Lights
Bookstore in San Francisco, Lawrence
Ferlinghetti is known for his playful tone and
innovative style. He is MY favorite poet, and
the works of Lawrence are always eye-opening
socio-cultural critiques in a light-hearted
tone. He is recognized as one of the most
influential poets of the beat era.

Which famous poet are you? (pictures and many outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh dear.. I have no idea who that man is. Frightening.

Monday, March 22, 2004

Gourmet Flavor
Fun Shapes! Tasty Flavors!

That's what this box of cat food says. I'd like to know how they determined this. Who actually is the gourmet who decided on the flavor of this cat food? I want to see the panel of cats who decided what shapes are 'fun' and that this food is 'tasty'? How the hell does one determine this information. I mean I KNOW when my cats like the food I pour in their bowl as they tend to eat it right away and refrain from trying to bury it. But the fun shapes? WTF? I've never had my cats refuse a food because it was a 'un-fun' shape. Not that it would have mattered, if the cats don't eat what I pour in their bowl they just don't eat. I don't buy fancy and expensive food for my cats. Why? They lick their ass on a regular basis, what would they know of 'gourmet flavor'??? What exactly is that for a cat? Ass flavor? Mouse flavor? Wounded sparrow flavor? Moth flavor? Crawling bug flavor? Dental floss and paper flavor? I never see this at the store and these flavors seem to me what would appeal to a cat (G*d knows my cats would get a job and buy their own cat food if they had Ass, Mouse, Moth and Dental Floss & paper flavor). So who is tasting this stuff to make sure it tastes like chicken, salmon, turkey & liver? And who is all this gourmet flavor crap for? It's not for the cats - little ass lickers. Is it for all the old homeless people eating cat food? If so, I think they need to do some formula changing, make it smell less like CAT FOOD and more like FOOD. And the 'Fun Shapes' should be something other than little fish, chicken legs x's and triangles - maybe little wine bottles or something. Yeah I know very insensitive of me, so what? I'm just wondering about this.
Planning For Passover

Passover starts in two weeks. We have invited a bunch of friends and some family (D). I just now realized I need to spend time selecting a menu. This is my favorite holiday to cook for. I love setting up a Seder plate. I love all the ritual around everything. I love the sentiment. I love the Exodus story.

Most of our friends are non-Jews (well all of them are) so I'll be procuring or making a Yarmulke's for the men. Since Super Girl is 5 now I am also going to try to make things that will be fun and entertaining for the little ones. In years past the entertaining part has been what exactly happens with the Afikomen one the little people find it. Generally it has involved large quantities of grape juice being spilled on my white table cloth causing the Afikomen to become a mushy mess - this is the signal to us that the little people are now ready for desert and bed. I'm going to do some things to lighten the mood for the adults as well - I doubt any of our friends have been to a Seder so might as well keep it light. Well I'm off to look up some recipes!
The Dumb-Ass Award Goes To...

This guy is such a moron. I wonder if this man was a relative of his.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Scary Veggies

The other night a friend told me that his son who is nearly the same age as Super Girl is afraid of Veggie Tales. This struck me as comical. Talking veggies. Scared of veggies who sing and dance and tell religiously themed stories. heh. What stuck me as even odder was that this little boy is even more fearless than Super Girl (who is afraid of hardly anything). But talking veggies scare him.
Liberator Me
(or how to turn one's bedroom into a porn set)

I've added this to my wish list. I'm not quite sure I'd really want this and surely not this, but maybe this.

***WARNING*** Not work safe links!