E I, EI, Oooooooooooooo!

Apparently small alien children from Copperhead Planet are serious animal lovers and love to pretend they are farmers and introduce their brand new duck to their old pig. And now Piggy and Ducky (I know, real original names) are in love because interspecies love is not frowned upon by the inhabitants of Copperhead Planet.

The NEW pet/toy ducky was purchased today after trying to talk her out of having this rather ugly dog toy. Yes, yes, my prodigy BEGGED for a dog toy and YES she knew it was a dog toy but she had to have the damn duck. On the tag it says ‘free as a bird’ but my Tiny Terrorist insisted it should have said ‘free as a DUCK’.

My only question is, where will they live? A sty or a nest? Woman usually get to pull a lot of the strings on that one so it could really be a nest, but Piggy is older (like 20 or so years old!) and more set in his ways so I could see him insisting on a sty. I guess it won’t really matter until they decide on kids. I hope they adopt.

Totally NORMAL Kids

Maybe the rain is getting to the Tiny Terrorists. They are playing Weather Channel right this moment.

Happiness Is a Piñata As Tall As You Are And Loaded With Crap!

The youngest of the Tiny Terrorists is quite happy. D took her to the Hispanic areas of town yesterday and let her select her own piñata which turned out to be a bigger than life Dora The Explorer, it’s literally as tall as her and has a head that’s 3 times as big as hers– let me tell you, it’s fucking SCARY. In addition, she is fully loaded, when that thing splits open, I hope all the children are standing clear, I would hate for any one of them to get a massive blunt force head trauma from the sheer weight of candy spewing from Dora’s head.

Yesterday we also selected which cake will be adding to the sugar buzz for the wee people this weekend. After looking through the book twice, Cabbage Patch finally decided on a Go Diego, Go! cake, as Diego is Dora’s cousin and is wildly popular with my progeny who actually believe they can speak Spanish after watching a few episodes of that back to back. I cannot say I wasn’t slightly disappointed she decided to forgo the adorable Tinkerbelle cake or the labor-intensive castle cake, but it appears she’s choosing her own theme in her own haphazard way.

Menopausal Computer

My computer is having ‘issues’. Hot flashes. It’s horrible. Temperamental old bitch! Until K gets a new fan for her, I’ll only be on sporadically so don’t think I’m ignoring you if I don’t answer, I’m probably just curled up in a fetal position weeping about my computer issues. Or doing laundry.

Cat Talk

You would think Sunshine would learn, but no. This morning as I finished my cereal and soymilk:

Sunshine, leaping onto the computer desk looking hopeful: Can I have the last of your milk?!?!?!?!?!
Me, shaking head and offering bowl to cat.
Sunshine, looking shocked: Ewww! That is not milk!
Me: *smirks*
Sunshine: *moves spoon in my other hand closer with paw and sniffs* Not milk!
Me: Same as yesterday.
Sunshine: *looking deeply offended* This situation is intolerable. You aren’t funny. Have fun guessing which pair of shoes I crapped in. *jumps off computer desk and flicks tail at me* I hate you.

Ahhh I’m so glad we have these moments.

Cats Don’t Like Soy Milk

That’s one of the most amazing things I’ve learned over the weekend. My cat Sunshine was deeply disappointed at the point that I stopped eating cereal and milk when I became lactose intolerant. Recently I’ve discovered a soy milk that doesn’t taste like ass so I’m back to cereal and milk for breakfast. Which falsesly raised the hopes of my adoring obsessive kitty. If my cat could speak this morning would have probably gone like this:

Sunshine leaping onto computer desk: Mmmmm cereal and milk I see? Been a while for that. Sure looks good.
Me: Cereal and SOY milk kitty, you wouldn’t like it.
Sunshine: Oh please, it’s not like I was ASKING for some of your delicious MILK. I was just NOTICING that you were having some cereal and delicious MILK.
Me: It’s SOY milk.
Sunshine: Oh honey, the I was born on a dairy farm, I know all brands come from the same place. Squeezed from a cow.
Me: No, it’s not REAL milk. It’s SOY milk.
Sunshine: Look if you don’t feel like sharing, just say so, no need to be rude. *turning around indignantly to stick tale in cereal bowl*
Me: Cat, go away. *putting cat on floor* Aren’t you late to lick your butt or something.
Sunshine: Oh, har, har. Don’t quit your day job. *jumps back up on computer desk and purrs loudly*
Me: Fine, whatever. I’m done. Want some Soy Milk?
Sunshine: MILK! Yeehaw! *sniffs bowl… looks at me indignantly* What the fuck are you trying to pull? That’s not milk.
Me: I told you.
Sunshine: Is this some kind of a joke? Is it funny to tease the kitty? What kind of a monster are you? *Looking pissed* You said MILK!
Me: Soy Milk.
Sunshine: Bitch. We’ll see how funny you are when I take a crap in your shoes. *jumps off computer, flicks tail in my direction*
Me: Stupid cat. Get some Prozac!

Wombats and Kangaroos! Don’t forget the piggies!

My youngest offspring has decided (for the millionth time) what she wants for her birthday. A wombat. She saw it on Animal Planet last night and thought it was CUTE! I told her to go ask her father. He said something akin to “What? A wombat! You can’t have a wombat!” to which she came downstairs with a quivering bottom lip to inform me that “Daddy said no. I can’t have a wombat.” The next commercial break showed a baby kangaroo, which she wanted immediately. I told her to go ask daddy. Tell him it could carry her books in it’s pouch to school for her. Again, daddy had to rain on her parade. More quivering lip. By the end of the night she had added in a cute little piggy to her list of desired pets. If anyone knows where to get a stuffed wombat… send me a message.

Okay, I’m off to work now. Enjoy the rain!