Monday, July 02, 2007

Cats Don’t Like Soy Milk

That’s one of the most amazing things I’ve learned over the weekend. My cat Sunshine was deeply disappointed at the point that I stopped eating cereal and milk when I became lactose intolerant. Recently I’ve discovered a soy milk that doesn’t taste like ass so I’m back to cereal and milk for breakfast. Which falsesly raised the hopes of my adoring obsessive kitty. If my cat could speak this morning would have probably gone like this:

Sunshine leaping onto computer desk: Mmmmm cereal and milk I see? Been a while for that. Sure looks good.
Me: Cereal and SOY milk kitty, you wouldn’t like it.
Sunshine: Oh please, it’s not like I was ASKING for some of your delicious MILK. I was just NOTICING that you were having some cereal and delicious MILK.
Me: It’s SOY milk.
Sunshine: Oh honey, the I was born on a dairy farm, I know all brands come from the same place. Squeezed from a cow.
Me: No, it’s not REAL milk. It’s SOY milk.
Sunshine: Look if you don’t feel like sharing, just say so, no need to be rude. *turning around indignantly to stick tale in cereal bowl*
Me: Cat, go away. *putting cat on floor* Aren’t you late to lick your butt or something.
Sunshine: Oh, har, har. Don’t quit your day job. *jumps back up on computer desk and purrs loudly*
Me: Fine, whatever. I’m done. Want some Soy Milk?
Sunshine: MILK! Yeehaw! *sniffs bowl… looks at me indignantly* What the fuck are you trying to pull? That’s not milk.
Me: I told you.
Sunshine: Is this some kind of a joke? Is it funny to tease the kitty? What kind of a monster are you? *Looking pissed* You said MILK!
Me: Soy Milk.
Sunshine: Bitch. We’ll see how funny you are when I take a crap in your shoes. *jumps off computer, flicks tail in my direction*
Me: Stupid cat. Get some Prozac!

Wombats and Kangaroos! Don’t forget the piggies!

My youngest offspring has decided (for the millionth time) what she wants for her birthday. A wombat. She saw it on Animal Planet last night and thought it was CUTE! I told her to go ask her father. He said something akin to “What? A wombat! You can’t have a wombat!” to which she came downstairs with a quivering bottom lip to inform me that “Daddy said no. I can’t have a wombat.” The next commercial break showed a baby kangaroo, which she wanted immediately. I told her to go ask daddy. Tell him it could carry her books in it’s pouch to school for her. Again, daddy had to rain on her parade. More quivering lip. By the end of the night she had added in a cute little piggy to her list of desired pets. If anyone knows where to get a stuffed wombat… send me a message.

Okay, I’m off to work now. Enjoy the rain!

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