Wednesday, August 23, 2006

You wonda why they call U bitch*

Well there is an end in sight! Tomorrow Super Girl will head back to school. YAY!!! I’m sure this will probably take me out of the running on that damn Mother Of The Year Award (Damn that Kathy Lee for always winning that shit)… I mean it WOULD take me out of the running if I hadn’t already been booted from the competition so early this year with my actions toward Piss On Me Baby and her twin sister Incontinence Girl. ANYWAY, I’m desperately TIRED of entertaining my child all day. I mean she’s been relatively good these past three days – RELATIVELY… I mean there have been no fires, no animals tied to doors, no hair cuts and nothing has been broken (except my patience today), but MUTHERFUCK! I’ve had enough Muppets and Fraggles, I’ve had enough conversations that revolve around whether Coco The Wonder Dog is HAPPY to have a green bone to chew on or whether Sunshine The Magic Cat really knows trolls (and the answer is yes, she was around at least once when my brother-in-law was over). At least when her sister is here, she can have these intellectually stimulating conversations with HER and I can ignore them while I clean house. Yeah, yeah, I’m a bad mother, get over it – I’m out of booze and I have PMS so unless you are going to give me a bottle of booze or some fantastic sex, just keep your pie hole shut. Right now I’m taking comfort in knowing that TOMORROW she is BACK TO SCHOOL! Woot!

Fluffy Developments

I LOVE Baths!

Since Coco The Wonder Dog is once again vacationing here at Casa De Karmically Challenged, I thought it would be a good idea to give her a bath. Besides I still have most of a bottle of fru-fru dog wash left and the label ‘suggests’ that it shouldn’t be used on humans and so far I’ve resisted the urge to wash the offspring with it despite it’s delightful smell and promise of a shiny coat. Coco is probably the EAISIEST dog to wash in the world. Drop dog in tub of water, let her jump around and play in the water until wet. Add dog wash and later. Let dot jump around and play until rinsed. Done! Then comes the best part! I blow dry her, which to be honest she’s none to thrilled with and continuously gives me the “I am so offended that you are blowing hot air on THAT part of my body.” Not that I really care because she looks so damn cute and FLUFFY when it’s all over! (Enjoy photo)

Super Pouffy!

Surreal moment: Watching The Muppet Show on DVD and seeing Sandy Duncan doing a song and dance number that is set in a bar and hearing her song about drinking whiskey sours. Hmmmm… man, children’s entertainment sure was liberal back in the 70’s.


*The title has NOTHING to do with this post (as usually really), it’s just some lines from a Tupac song that La Seg got stuck in my head. Damn her!
Dating Drama

So consider this... A man contacts a woman and lets her know his intentions to date her and possibly have ‘naked fun’. He chats her up for a while and sets up a date. The day before the date he tells her that he was ‘recently diagnosed with herpes’ and would understand if she were to run screaming from the building cursing his name and never again speak to him. Aforementioned woman kindly tells Herpes Boy that she appreciates his honesty but there’s no way in HELL his dick will get close to her now – with or without a condom – because she’s smart enough to know how herpes is spread and just forget about getting a blow job. Herpes Boy gets indignant and hostile and states something about how he should have just lied to her and how he’s tired of just having the company of his hand leaving the aforementioned woman thinking that keeping a running list of men who need to be stabbed in the scrote is a damn good idea, either that or maybe it’s time to embrace that lesbian side and switch to women for a while.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

And The Fun Just Never Ends!

Last week, sort of as a Back To School gift to herself, Super Girl got into poison ivy. As most people who have read this blog for more than a year know, Super Girl is SUPER SENSITIVE to poison ivy. She was exposed on Wednesday, starting having spots show up on Thursday evening and by Friday morning it was a nice rash on her face, neck and arms. I sent her to school covered in ointment and with the instructions to stay out of the sun (so she wouldn’t get sweaty and wash off the ointment). She looked okay Friday evening when she went to bed, just with an icky rash. Saturday morning however, she looked AWFUL. One of her eyes was nearly swollen shut! I gave her more Benidryl, put on more ointment and told K to watch her to make sure she doesn’t scratch and left for work. Now Super Girl didn’t do this exposure half way – she managed to get poison ivy on her face, her neck, her arms, under her arms, under her arms, on her hands, on her chest, on her legs (right behind the knees!), on her back, and best of all on her ass – the CRACK of her ASS! I feel so sorry for her with all these patches of rashes everywhere. The stuff on her face looks the worst because it’s on her face and her face is swollen, but the patch that’s on her right wrist and hand is actually the worst.

Poor Swollen Child

Yesterday I kept her home from school and called her Dr. to get an appointment. Gawd I love that man. He talked to Super Girl about the rash and told her to stay away from the creek. He also gave her two prescriptions – one for a steroid and one for an antibiotic because she’s got so much rash area he just didn’t want it to get infected. 20 minutes total of being in the office. Which was good because I was afraid I’d get caught in traffic, and in the Easy Bake, that’s murder!

And though I should have been able to avoid the traffic since I was on the road at just past 4 pm, it wasn’t the case. Why the hell were there soooooo many people on 75 at 4 pm?? Doesn’t anyone work until 5pm anymore?? Whatever, luckily it wasn’t the WORST traffic I’ve ever been in.

So today is yet another day of watching Muppets (thanks to the kind loaning of La Seg) to aid in the healing of my progeny. There will also be nail painting and probably more Muppets after that. I doubt there will be more blog today, but honestly do any of you REALLY want a review of Fraggle Rock or The Muppet Show on DVD? Though don’t count me out yet… all that Muppet love might cause me to snap and then I’m sure I’d have something interesting to blog about.

Work sucked this weekend. Broken equipment sucks. On a good note, my manager indicated that a weekday slot should be opening up soon, so my working weekends should be coming to an END soon! Woohoo!