Bachelor Party - Part II

We arrived at The Rose Room, after paying cover (thanks Petey!) and getting a nifty hand stamp that said HOT-E! (Which I HAD to grab and stamp on my boobie – no I wasn’t drunk) we ventured into the bar. The bar is narrow so it doesn’t have a dance floor or anything like that. The drag queens would walk up and down the bar doing their show, which worked, but not great. We ended up sitting at the back of the bar for a while and it virtually impossible to see the show at points. But I’m getting ahead of myself, when we sat down The Bear and I wanted drinks so I got up to get them and the very prissy waiter magically appeared and took our order, so I sat back down. One of the performers – I think it was Layla La Rue, but don’t quote me on that – was warming up the crowd between sets. She got back to our group and said “A group of straight people, who all is straight?” to which I raised my hand but most of our group didn’t. She started pointing to people saying “Your straight right? Why didn’t you raise your hand?” made me laugh, I guess part of our group was either confused about their sexuality (K, have a talk with them will you?) or embarrassed at being STRAIGHT in a GAY bar. Heh. I guess they might have been just fucking dreading being in a gay bar but were there just to humor bitchy, bitchy me… nah… they love me. Heh. Layla then said “You must know someone gay. A friend, a relative…” to which I raised my hand and loudly stated “My husband is gay!” She stopped and looked at me “What did you say?!” “My husband is gay!” She asked if I was for real, then asked my name and said she had to interview me and pulled me up to the stage area. She wanted to know how I found out that K was gay, I told her I outed him and she wanted to know what three things gave him away. So here are the three WARNING signs of a GAY husband.

1. He was always looking at GAY PORN.
   
2. Seemed to only want sex in the dark (I guess it was easier to fantasize about men when my fabulous nipples weren’t in his face).
   
3. (I really couldn’t think of another thing but I was trying to be funny) He’s always trying to dress better than me.

So Layla, being the Drag Diva that she was said “Well it’s easy to see why.” Pointing to my outfit. Bitch. I looked good. Eh, made the crowd laugh. She said something about how she needed to get me laid and I yelled “There any straight men in here?” which got laughs and her saying something about me needing to stop trolling for men in a gay bar. Heh. She sent me back to my seat and bought me a drink. Woohoo! A man bought me a drink! A man dressed as a WOMAN bought me a drink! Heh. Just my luck.

As soon as some seats opened up in the middle part of the bar we all moved over there. Which was a good thing, it was much easier to see the performers. AND the performers started messing with our group. At one point the one who MC’d the rest of the show walked up and touched/lifted Denise’s very large boobs! HAH! I wish I had of snapped a pic of the look on Denise’s face. She then proclaimed that Bill was a queen and that she had been with him so she knew of what she was speaking. Later when asking all the married women to see their rings she would look at them and proclaim “You must have done a lot of sucking for that!” I heard no arguments from the ladies that they didn’t… so… must be true. (Too much sharing people!) She later came back and announced that all the men in our group were gay… something I had always suspected…oh wait, no, that’s wrong… something K has always wished. Heh. Kidding. That drag queen was a fucking riot, I can’t give a good written account of some of the thing she said – it was a ‘had to be there’ situation. She sent drink over to Martin & Angie for it being their bachelor(ette) party and to Bill for taking all the crap about being a queen like a good sport. Petey made a friend of the waiter, which was humorous. The waiter had been bitchy with him (as only a flaming queer prissy waiter can be) when he paid for drinks earlier and said the waiter could keep the change and had said “Oh I don’t want to break you of your last $.75.” Later when Petey asked for water and tried to tip Prissy he would NOT take the tip. After the show Petey tried AGAIN to tip Prissy and again he refused. Heh. I think Prissy got a good look at Petey when we moved tables and decided he ‘liked’ him. So Petey, when do you want to go back down there? I’m sure your new friend would LOVE to see you again.

We left when the bar closed at 2 am. We had a great time. Well I had a great time, I think everyone else did – no one looked pissed at me for bitching to leave the titty bar, and no one tried to push me into oncoming traffic.

Then as if the universal powers that be wanted to make sure my night was complete, I got confirmation that I was looking good. We were walking by a line of people that were waiting to get into a club and one of the men said “Damn bitch, you look HOT!” I had to stop and thank him and give him the obligatory kiss and hug. Ahh someone thought I looked hot… a GAY man. Yeah, the story of my life. Maybe if I stopped dressing for gay men and trolling in gay bars I’d have better luck with STRAIGHT men. Of course NO one from my group was behind me when that happened, so they all probably think I was dreaming. Again, story of my life – when someone thinks I’m hot, there are NO witnesses! Damn it.

All in all it was a good night. Had a man buy me a drink and one tell me I looked hot – granted BOTH were GAY! I am the ultimate Fag Hag.