Itsy Bitsy Spider

Tonight a little bitty spider invaded my computer space. That is not acceptable. I don't like spiders. I fear them (long standing psychological trauma). Even little ones. Though lately I've tried to have a kinder gentler view of the 8 legged ones. I had two people admonish me for killing spiders. Both telling me how killing a spider in the house was bad luck and how spiders kill so many insects and how they are good for the environment, yadda, yadda, yadda. So? So I tried to be non lethal to spiders. Tonight the little bitty nefarious looking black spider was above my computer. I TRIED to ignore it. I did. I have managed to ignore a spider that has been building a web outside my door for the past week - I don't kill bugs that are kind and respectful enough to not invade my residence. (K has a no kill policy on most bugs and will catch and release - I say kill those who have broken my law of no pay, no living in my house, take no chances on them coming back.) I could not ignore the evil little spider - the thought of it hiding in my papers just waiting for me made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. It had to die. I smacked at it. It ran. I smacked. It ran. I yelped. It ran and dropped a line to escape. The line brought the little bastard nearly into my glass. I screamed for spider death. I tried to move my glass. It jumped on my glass and ALMOST TOUCHED ME!!! All bets were off. Kinder and gentler was out the fucking window. I wanted death... And to be far away from creepy spider. K came out of the kitchen and rescued the afore mentioned spider. RESCUED the SPIDER. Bastard. I wanted it dead. It terrorized me. Much like the Spider in Miss Muffet - I would have run away also, but not before trying to beat the spider to death with anything around. K released the spider into the wilds... My plants. Damn it. Now the spider has time to plan and re-enter my home to terrorize me! Damn little eight legged terrorists!

Now to all who tell me it's BAD luck to kill a spider inside. FUCK YOU. I don't need spiders in my house to 'kill bugs' the exterminator comes out 3 times a year for that. I don't need webs hanging from all the corners and creepy eight legged critters hanging out waiting for a bite to eat. Ewwww... And I certainly do not need to be panicked at my computer while surfing for porn. ;o)

Listen up spiders, if you are IN my home, I will spray you with anything handy until you die. I will sick my cat on you. I will smack you with a large shoe (I've already taught the little people to do that). Your horrible mangled body will be flushed down a toilet. I will kill you. Do not enter my home. You will die. Spiders, Don't Fuck With Me.

I hate spiders.