I Feel Like A Schmuk...

I bailed on going to see my grandmother. I just can't do it. I haven't seen her since 1990... and then for just a short while. I really don't know here... and I really really don't want to deal with my fathers family in the middle of a crisis... they are strange enough with out adding emotional stress to it. My stress levels are so high right now, I was getting sick to my stomach every time I thought about going. I already have problems with anxiety and I take some stuff for that, but I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack. I talked to my husband and my sister and decided it is best for me to stay here. I'm sure I'll feel guilty if she passes soon, but I have so much stress from the car wreck, from my job, needing to find another job, waiting on an answer to a situation and Christmas, that I just can not handle this at all. And I hate to say that.. I don't like admitting that I can't handle everything... weakness....

Anyway... I feel bad for not wanting to go... I feel even worse that I really don't know my grandmother very well. *sigh*