Pirate Booty! Arrrgh!


I just picked up the kick ass Pirate Panties at Wally World. Not that I actually NEEDED them but I had to have them and I figured I could spare $3 out of my clubbin' money to have them.

So last night and this morning I had planned to post a long maudlin post about crap in general but luckily for you, the wee one deleted it whilst I was away from the computer. Probably for the best anyway. The only cool thing I said was that somedays I feel like I'm running at breakneck speed with very sharp scissors in my hands... Or at the very least a couple of pencils with very sharp points. And I made a reference to a warning label - Caution: Small objects may pose choking hazard! That made me laugh and think of an exboyfriend of mine and his small object... Although, honestly that really wasn't a choking hazard. No, no, never choked on that for sure. eh.. um... Whatever.

WALLA WORLD WONDERS!

This morning K stayed home. He has a retched migraine. Last night he went to B's for dinner and fucky-suckey and came home feeling ill. I guess it was something he ate.

K has been medicated and is not conscious currently. I took Cabbage Patch with me for a quick trip to Wally World. I figured a trip to Wally World would at least distract me from the weird maudlin mood I was in. On the way to Wally World I got all freaked out because there was a cop and for some reason it got me all panicked that he would pull me over and me and my 4 year old would end up in jail getting coordinating jail-house tat's. I pulled onto a side street as the cop passed me with narry a look and told myself how insane that thought was and cursed PMS and then wondered if I needed to be back on mood altering pharmaceuticals despite what Tom Cruse recommends, then headed on to Wally World for the JOYS of WALLY WORLD! And today it really WAS a joy.

As I mentioned, I was feeling like a bit of a whack-job today. Today was SAMPLE day at Wally World. Which was a complete surprise and delight to me as I love Sample Day at the grocery stores and I had no idea that Wally World did Sample day. The offspring and I sampled tasty French bread and sugary cereal as we shopped and for some reason I felt calm and at peace with the world, I attributed that to the calming, peaceful effects of free CARBS. In the check out line, I somehow got a competent and somewhat friendly Wally World Cashier - and as we all know that RARELY happens, if they are competent they are usually as mean as a sexually frustrated pit bull and if they are friendly they are generally about as smart as a box of rocks. Today I thought for certain I was in for the silent, sullen yet overwhelmingly competent older checker until I pointed out that my tomatoes were supposed to be $.99 a lb. Then it happened... He was totally and completely nice as he fixed the price for my produce! At that point I completely forgave him for his badly positioned, ugly and quite obvious toupee perched upon his head like a flattened opossum clinging to his scalp. I left the store with a smile on my lips and a brand new pair of pirate panties in my bag. On the way home I wondered how it was possible for me to have had such calm and peace from a trip to Wally World but I was thankful. Once home I realized that my sudden mood change and tranquility had nothing to do with shopping and had everything to do with the end of PMS. Yup, two words for my future Super absorbent. *sigh* Club night even.

Cock Blocked

So yeah, I know I just made all the men in the know involuntarily cringe when they read Super absorbent (and you probably did it again just now), sorry 'bout that. Of course this means that I probably won't wear my NEW Pirate Panties tonight to the club. It's not like anyone will be seeing them and come on, they are NEW, this is no time for NEW panties. It also means that my devious plan to seduce previously mentioned friend who I am lamely borrowing DVD's from will now have to be down graded to something much less interesting and sexually satisfying. Maybe I'll ask him out for coffee (or ice cream like Mike suggested)... Or more likely I'll do nothing except borrow more DVD's and kick myself for being such a chicken shit yet again. It also means that I'll have to cancel the wild sex party planned for this weekend - I just hope that if I call and cancel the 2 dozen midgets for the party that I can get my deposit back. Damn it, damn it, damn it. My nearly nonexistent sex life was just starting to look like it might exist again even for a brief moment of extreme and intense activity.

WALLY WORLD MOMENT

(I'm sure you are all happy to have me change the subject from my sex life or my reproductive cycle.) D's man has put her up in a suite at a lovely and expensive hotel. This place rocks, I need to have a big drunken keg party in her suite sometime - kidding, kidding D! You know I'd never do that! (I'd have the big nasty sex party with the 2 dozen midgets and a donkey) Anyway, she's had an issue with getting yogurt. Seems that when she meanders down for her breakfast, there is NEVER any yogurt for her. When she asks the rude girl always tells her they don't have anymore. EVERY DAY. She once sent Toast up to ask for yogurt and the girl politely scurried off to fetch him a carton of yogurt. D watched and noticed that if a male executive type requested yogurt, the rude girl would get him some, but when D asked, she was ALWAYS told there was no more. Today was no different... Except... D had a moment... A moment she and I like to call a Wally World Moment. She went all ghetto and ethnic on Rude Girl's ass and caused a scene that attracted the manager who fetched D some yogurt and promised her it wouldn't happen again (you know he did after she reminded him that Toast prepaid $3,000 a month for 4 months her to stay there and be taken care of). Now she's happy, she got her yogurt and Rude Girl got her walking papers.

Well I better go do stuff now, I need to catch a short nap before I head back to the sewing machine. Hope you enjoyed the update!