It’s Quiet… Too Quiet...

So today has been a delightful day at work, I’m actually finished with work and it’s not even 1PM. Hell I was done and headed home by noon today! (which brought way more joy to K than to me as he could now attend some stupid party that he was sulking about not being able to go to as I would normally be working and his delightful brother declined the joyous possibility of watching out offspring so that K could attend aforementioned party. Now it’s a mote point as I’m home and he’s heading to the party right now).

The BEST part of the day was that I decided to wear this most spectacular skirt that I have not worn in probably 7 or so years or more when I got way to fucking fat to wear it. It’s not a size too big but I thought it would work just fine anyway and it’s just so damn pretty, I figured it would be a perfect match for my cow print clogs (my official winter footwear aside from my various pairs of ho boots). Now… since this delightful skirt has been sitting patiently in a drawer for the past 7 + years I had no idea that the elastic in said fabulous skirt was on the way out until I pulled it out to wear it this morning. Since I was (as usual) running late, I didn’t have time to find something else to wear and since the skirt seemed to be resting securely on my ever so wide hips, I figured it would stay there and be safe to wear to work… where I spend all of my time walking from one room to the next, not sitting calmly and quietly in a chair. At my first hospital I kept feeling the lovely skirt inch down just a bit further and I kept hiking it up as I’m certain flashing my cute pirate thong, though amusing, is not exactly the best way to make sales. Still, I was mostly confident that my skirt would stay in the upright and secure position and my pirate thong would remain unseen. As I left the hospital having a conversation on the cell phone with D, I felt the skirt shift downward causing me to grip it tightly as I continued to my car and upon closer inspection, I discovered that I was in a horrible state of denial this morning and that a skirt that is a size to big with failing elastic is not, I repeat NOT a smart choice to wear to work… unless your work involves you dropping your skirt to reveal your undies at a moments notice… as mine involves taking photographs and not photographs of the naughty variety, I must confess that the ever so lovely skirt is a BAD idea.

At my next hospital I procured an enormous paper clip and clipped my skirt in a semi-secure fashion that would allow me to see the few people and far to enthusiastically suggest that they wait until tomorrow for photos (so that I could drag my nearly revealed ass home to take a nap, then make muffins, and dress for a party – of which I am still planning to wear this delightful skirt, but with at the very least a SAFTEY PIN and of course some fabulous boots… although I may feel the need to wear ho boots and that will mean a skirt of a more revealing nature – and not of the kind that this skirt promises, just more leg, not my ass cheeks, although the dress is ‘dressy casual’ and not ‘clubbin’ ho’ so maybe the long skirt and a sweater instead of low cut shirt and short skirt… ahhh decisions…).

And now here I am home, having eaten my lunch of left over turkey (a samich) and fuck, I swear if I have to eat much more turkey I will vomit. (So go ahead and tell me how stupid I was for buying a 13.5 lb turkey).

Last night K and I took the progeny to see Chicken Little (which is quite funny) then to have dinner (the greasiest damn hamburgers in Texas, but damn they tasted like heaven… and weren’t TURKEY), on the walk back home the progeny started telling their father that it was quiet outside… too quiet, that the aliens were out and we needed to watch for them. I found this very funny as I had done this with the Tiny Terrorist earlier in the day when we returned from the park – hey, I do anything to make my toddler stop her whining. K didn’t find the alien talk very funny, especially when Cabbage Patch informed him that the aliens would get him first. Hehehehe… I personally found it quite funny at how easily it was to get them to do something so damn insane. I wonder if I can get them to wear foil hats now.