Baby Jekyll & Baby Hyde

People who say that being a full time mom is easy are either (a) childless or (b) lieing about their own little demons, possibly (c) regularly sedating their kids or possibly (d)complete fucking morons. I challenge these people to spend a long weekend with my kids (sans me) and see if their opinion changes.

Living with a toddler is much like living with a very volitile person with schizophrenia who happens to really love Elmo. Lucky for me my family is fraught with mental illness so I'm not terribly caught off guard when my darling little child's head spins around and she turns into the demon I know she can be.

Take this morning, it started out like most Monday mornings. The alarm goes off, I eventually get out of bed, start reading e-mail as K herds the Little People down stairs for breakfast. As with most mornings that Cabbage Patch doesn't wake on her own, she's become The Badger (not to be confused with this), so named because she's so unpleasant in the mornings and much like a badger, she doesn't like to be disturbed. This fine morning, she burrows into the sofa and stays there while Super Girl has breakfast and get's ready for school. 10 minutes before we leave (because doing this any sooner just means I suffer longer), I pull her out of the sofa to get her dressed and it goes something like this:

**Badger: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I don't wanna get dressed!
Me: Too bad.
Badger: Whaaaaaaa! NOOOOOOO! I want breakfast!
Me: You'll have to wait until we drop off sister.
Badger: NOT THOSE PANTS! I don't want those pants!
Me: Too bad.
Badger: NOOOOOOOO! Not my 'jama pants! Don't take dem off! NOOOOOOO!
Me: *silent determination*
Badger: Breakfast! I want breakfast! No pants!
Me: Cabbage Patch, you'll have to wait until we get back. You have to get dressed.
Badger: NOOOOOOOOO! I don't want to! *hits me*
Me: *smacks Badger's bottom* Stop that.
repeat 5 times from ** before continuing

(time to leave)
Badger: Not that sweater! Not that sweater!
Me: Come on, we are running late now.
Super Girl: I'm ready!
Me: I'm not talking to you. Open the door.
Badger: Nooooooooo! I don't want dez pants!
Me: *Pushing the Badger out the door* Let's go.
***Badger: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't walk! I can't walk!
Me: *pulling her along* Yes you can, see you're doing it right now.
Badger: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not dis sweater! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! I don't want deez pants!
Me: Fine, you can put your jammie pants back on when we get home.
Repeat from *** for the next 5 minutes

On the way home:
Badger: *snif* I wear my 'jamma pants when I get home?
Me: Yes.
Badger: *snif* I take off dis sweater?
Me: Sure.
Badger: Okay.
Badger: I watch Elmo?
Me: That's fine.

Back home, she's smiling and laughing, all evidence of her personality shift is completly gone. I'm not sure if she needs phsychotherapy or an exorcist (not to be confused with this) (maybe I just need more Duct tape... and some valium for myself).