Clubbin' For The Retard
Or
Why I Hate Pantyhose

That would be me. I went out on Saturday night with some of my rennie friends. Now mind you I haven't been clubbing in YEARS and I ALWAYS feel like I'm dressed wrong and just being the BIGGEST dork when I do go.

I consult Shan about what to wear because of my dork factor. I decide I would wear my boots with my skirt - not such a good idea really, but the boots are very cool.

Now I never wear pantyhose, I swore of them the day I discovered stockings (thigh highs). Pantyhose are just horible. They fit me funny, make me too hot and pinch after a while. And getting them on... well that's an ordeal in it's self. I planned to wear stockings but for some fucked up reason I could NOT find two that matched. I found a sheer black one, a sheer white one and a sheer brown one. Fuck. In searching for a mate to any one of thoes listed above I found a pair of black pantyhose, still in the package. They must have been at least 4 years old. But I was desperate and it was getting late. I shoved my fat ass into the pantyhose and briefly thought "this is a bad idea, these things suck" but dismissed that because I wanted to wear my boots and I couldn't without stockings or such.

Shan and Drew picked me up at 9:30 pm, we headed to John and Heidi's - a 30 minute drive. By then I was starting to be pinched by the evil things. Off to the club, we get there about 11 pm. As I walk from the parking lot to the club I feel the evil fuckers sliding down from their position of being up over my ass to down below my panty line. Fuck. I'm standing in line trying to discreetly adjust them and it's not working (the adjusting part, not the discreet part). I go right to the bathroom when we get in as I don't want them to soon be around my knees and be worrying about them hanging at my ankles. My intent when I entered the stall was to hike them back up and suffer through the evening but sanity smacked me and I figured that I needed to get rid of the horrific pantyhose. My solution... I ripped the hose right above my boots and tossed the remains of the pantyhose in the stall. I was FREE! Woohoo!

The rest of the evening was interesting to say the least - the music sucked and at one point there was some weird black guy dancing next to me/on me. The others found this desperately funny. The drinks were cheap which kind of made up for the $10 cover charge *choke!* *cough!*

We left the club about 1:30 am (me, John & Heidi had enough of the crappy music) and headed for BREAKFAST! Where I had a fucking $2.99 cup of fucking coffee! DAMN!!! If I had know it was THAT much I would have had 4 or 5 of them! Shan promised that the next time we would do the po' folks route for breakfast.

After all was said and done, I got to bed at 4:30 am and managed to be at work at 8:30 am.

A fun evening was had by all.